₦airaland Forum

flakesy01:
Please do keep us posted on all what transpired after. Don't get me wrong o, it is for mere educational purpose. Thank you. Wish you luck though.

She has done worst and even though the church has stepped in, I am moving out. I have done my best and proud of my effort to keep things together but it simply isn't working.

Belafonte:
Look, church and church people cannot help you in this matter. They will only help you patch your marriage and help you endure the bullshit till your old age when it would be too late to make any drastic moves.

No disrespect intended, but fûck you’re pastors. If they could help, they would have done so with your constant reporting and their constant counseling.

Take practical steps and save your marriage or, at least, your dignity

Thanks for this advise. We will now be separated. They ended up making me the devil, until I started pointing out one by one everything she has done in the last five years.

Now they want us to reconcile, not happening until at least we are separated for 6 months.

BestAccessories:
I think you need to seat her down and have a conversation with her.

Heart-2-Heart conversation. Express your dissatisfaction and pains to her.

I also think you should have speak up about things you dislike instead of keeping mute thinking things would change.

You don't like something but you refuse to let her know about it, how do you want her to make necessary adjustments needed.

I have done this many times. She changes for one week then go back to status quo.

before helping the sister (her friend), did you discuss your plan with her first as your wife before giving the woman money?

We discussed this at length. She probably thought it was funny or maybe because due to her excesses I stopped using a joint account with her. Before she controls everything until she does something I dislike and I overheard her father advising her to let me use my own account separately. The advise wasn't really bad perse but he was talking from the "she is my daughter angle" and before she could tell me anything I made my move.

Please make a list of things you want her to improve on and have a conversation with her as husband and wife. Also be ready to make some amendment from your side, because I believe you also have some behaviours she dislikes but yet to discuss with you.

After your conversation, I believe things should change if both parties still want to remain married to each other.

I have sad her down many times. Many times. I merely came to Nairaland to be sure I am not overreacting and judging from the over 300 comments, I am not. My next action will shock even me.

jeff1607:
I'm just wondering, was there any hint of such behavior during courtship, even at the slightest (though I know one can't be perfect) ?

please would appreciate it if you could answer this. help a brother

She always never apologise. I thought maybe she one of those who don't know when they are wrong and everything would change ... I was damn wrong and I am paying big time for it now.

armyofone:
Have you thought about the stresses you both going through ? Have both of you made efforts exercising daily and eating right ? Are both of you doing something fun together? Some times, stress is not only when you are going through hard time. Take a look at your environmental stressors...family stressors etc
Building a home is stressful! Trying to have a fashion store can be stressful. Staying at home with no job is stressful You might have been channeling that stress into emotional sex...wanting it so badly it stresses you out. Her own is draining her of that emotional connection.
Who fit make love for this Nigeria sef

I have tried everything. I am now giving it zero effort now. After the abuses I have gotten here I accept that I am at fault. I will do what every other man would have done.

I will move her and refuse every counsel against such move. She needs learn the hard way.

mechanics:
Did you tell her you wanted helping one of her sisters in need, as a couple, one should learn how to do things involving his or her partner so he or she won't be angry when he or she hears anything from a third party, keep doing what you normally when you first met her and reassure her of your love for her, I believe her head will reformat back to normal.

She knows. She wanted me to settle her first of which the woman lost her baby and the 100k solves their problem while the same won't sort my wife's issue at the time. Besides I already given her over 2m if anything I expected her to be reasonable and not make me out like I care more for outsider than her.

And even if I did, immediately I objected I expected her to apologise and not insist. I would have apologised if the reverse was the case.

This is same woman who I forfeited my admission to an institution for. I may sound Petty but that's me. I expect some appreciation not some mouthing off like I have not given her anything at all.

dalass:
Women....especially wives ....
Please stop calling your men...baby!

Now @ OP, listen to yourself!

My wife forgets our wedding anniversary... Meaning... She doesn't love me!

Did she tell you sir that?
When last have you told her that you love her?

Men's concept.. Once I'm giving my wife money, then she should worship me!

She's a business woman.. Her business may be more demanding and tiring than a white collar job.

Remind her your anniversary is coming! Plan it together or spring up a surprise for her..

Abeg you guys should grow up before you marry please!

I had to stop telling her I love her because for three years ( before I stopped ) it was me doing it all. Until I couldn't buy her gifts as often as I would wish because we are trying to build our own house, I ensure I buy her stuffs. All I get in return is, won ti gba e ( they don scam you ).

For this Anni, heaven bears me witness ( I had to say this just cos of the kids on here who will say I am lying ) my initial plan was to buy her a car before I decided that 1. She doesn't deserve it 2. I really can't afford another car if I do not want out project to suffer.

I have given my call. Got rid of people for her sake, worked extra hard to ensure we always have what we needed. But none has worked.

sharone21:
I see no problem in your numbers 1-3, but for 4, it may not be ALL the time she prepares your meals. I hope you don't expect your wife to be washing your hard jeans, and clothes- for me clothes washing ( even for myself) is one chore I HATE...So, get her a washing machine with the money u give to drycleaners.
Couples should LOVE themselves and when it seems the love is being strained, should pity themselves as a way of getting back their love.

My cloths go to the dry cleaners and sometimes even hers. And I bought a washing machine a week before we got married and it is still working fine till date.

Many people will think I am just painting the story, this is how it looked even to a counselor who knows us very well from church.

There is no one who knows us, including her own brother, who didn't find it hard to believe she is behaving the way she is.

However it is my fault. I work from home and we are always together. I have become predictable.

Sluacoast:
I'm only against where you said the man should get the sex outside, your other explanation suits well. He could return home with venereal diseases and as well infect his wife during the process. There's nothing like speaking to her or even going as far as involving her parents in the issues

I have done that about 3 years ago. Changed nothing not doing it any more.

I just wanted validation, to be sure I am not overreacting. I have decided to move out even if it is for a while. Already started talking to agents re this.

Monkeyprick:
Words from a failed, frustrated husband like you.
Marriage is one of the sweetest thing, i sleep with my wife every morning before heading out for my bin'ness. She Bleep me well at night too.
We live well, have a vacation once every two years, my daughter is happy, doing pretty well at school and she just got promoted at her federal government job.

Congrats bro. Do all to protect it.

This is all I want in my own marriage but it seems I won't have it until I have taken very drastic steps that will hurt the person I see myself to be.

oldtruth:
Lies! Can detect that from a mile. Your invested money and the rest reeks lies. Your just #100k also Isa huge lie. You are just trying to be smart which it is easy to decode from afar.

Go get a job, get busy and your woman will appreciate you. The fact is; you are not a threat to her. She don't mind losing you.

Try to be more focus and keep working smart. Everything will fall into place. The fact remains that SHE DON'T SEE YOU AS A THREAT!

Believe what you want but if I was attention seeking I would use my main account.

prixm:
I'm going to assume you are a christian who doesn't want to have an extra marital affair which would have simply solved the problem.

Many christian husband have this experience of not being appreciated enough by their wives, especially wives that did not wait for long in the spinsters' market before they got a husband.

My sincere advise is:

(1.) Make alternative arrangement how your daughter will get to school.

(2.) Move out of your house for 2 months. You can rent a small apartment if you can afford it or move in with a friend who is living alone or take a short stay accommodation. By all means move out for two months, pretend you are so pissed you need some space. Pretend you are moving on. Force yourself over this period to act strong emotionally but don't fail in providing for the family as a responsible husband and father.

If she doesn't care even when it looks like she could lose you then how don't know what else you could do. I bet you this will work if you do it well. It will be a worthwhile investment for your marriage over time. Don't jump back the moment she start apologising and pleading for you to come back. Allow the message to sink in deep. You can go back home sooner than two months if you are sure you already have the desired result. Good luck.

This is exactly what I have decided on. I am moving out. Will fend for them all but I am moving out. Someone in my church already called the pastor to involve him but THIS TIME THERE IS NO STOPPING ME. I DONT THINK GOD IS WICKED TO PUNISH ME FOR WANTING TO HAVE SOME SANITY.

I HAVE GIVEN IT MY ALL. I WORK BETWEEN 12-14 hours per day and the only time I don't work all I get is issues.

I am 100% moving out.

oldtruth:
The guy is jobless. Only a jobless fool remembers his wedding anniversary. That lady is working her heart out. That one just sits and complains. That is why he has time to rant on forums like this.

You are the fool here cos if you were not foolish you would read the when thread and understand before yarning dust.

SeedofDavid:
To the best of your knowledge, what does she do with her time cause I only see two things; sleep and nothing.

Sleep, TV, some make up work when she has it and then more sleep.

pawn89:
You mentioned you have two kids at the moment, when did you start noticing these changes ( am assuming it wasn't like this at the start of your marriage yes ? )

Sometimes, it could be a case of your wife experiencing postpartum depression, ,in which case you need to deal with very differently and with sensitivity

It has been like this from the beginning.

I only just started getting fed up and actually beginning to give up.

I endured this far because I know many youths look up to me and I can't disappoint them but I am running mad.

She left off this morning. Told me three days ago she was traveling today. Nothing said about the purpose of the trip. I got to know from a mother figure that she went to buy some stuffs, gave her 400k for her business days ago which she went to buy stuff with but should a sane woman not tell me her whereabout.

I am just praying she does what she has never done before, fail to return home tonight, it will be the end of us.

ogawisdom:
There is no real issue here

U get sex 3 x weekly which is enough

She must not be the one to prepare your food

Which one is wedding anniversary? Abeg get serious

There is no woman that won't react if u give someone 100k just like ( women are selfish like dt)

Women are not command to love men, they are to submit to men, it men that are commanded to love women.

Once your wife respects u and submits to you it's enough

She complaining about the money is not my problem. My problem is the sort of names she called me and how she made it look like I don't fend for my family.

We have two daughters 4 in April and 1 one year old baby, herself and our maid yet I spend over 200k monthly maintaining the house and this is despite the fact that we are building. I still manage to reach out to her parents as well.

calabardick:
- were you getting married to a single mom?
- age wise, is she your senior?
- who is the breadwinner there?

I am seven years older. She was not a single mom

I fend for the family 100%.

Flier:
Shameless man fighting his wife over a mere wedding anniversary when men like him are doing better things with their time

I am pretty sure I can comfortably pay your salary for the next 3 years. 100% sure of it and I don't even know you.

Stop running your mouth. You don't know me.

klap4gbens:
That does not mean she does not love you. My wife has forgotten my birthday more than once.

We both forgot our wedding anniversary last year until after a month.

It could be you tomorrow... So, be gentle in your reaction.

Read the whole thread. Not just the headline.

SocialJustice:
Can't share here. We haven't even talked in more than a week. His issue is just too similar to this. Man can't have peace in his own house he built with his money because of woman.

Not the same person then

Fedrams:
This one de craze. I was filling one form on Sunday and I have to asked my wife for our wedding date cos I did not remember again, she just laugh.
Wot does wedding date has to do wt love. Busy body and lazy youth

Did you bother reading the whole thread hell no, but quick to call me names.

maasoap:
Rapecase

Lol at the question. I can't remember the last time me or my wife remember, mark or celebrate our wedding anniversary.

If you read the whole thread you will understand better

SocialJustice:
Na wa. You sound like a friend OP, the story is just too similar. This matter is beyond me.

Hmm. What does your friend's surname start with?

Ijaycool:
Me that forgets my birthday, have I committed suicide?

Ignore the title. Read the whole thread.

TruthHurts100:
You nor get work. Even me, I dey forget my name.
You wey dey talk, you Sabi your papa birth date?

This thread is not for kids.

Lamanii22:
Mental health should be looked into... She probably is mentally down...

I doubt. The mental health path is me questioning myself.

Am I demanding too much? Are my demands realistic or I am not normal? She is totally fine.

Ishilove:
What's with all the unnecessary aggression and name calling?

He is better ignored.

Houseofglam7:
Your mental health is important here.
See a therapist.
And if you can convince her to,see one together at some point.
Good luck

Funny thing is, you have always been involved in this issue from 2 years ago. It lingers. Our pastors ( the new one and the previous one who was transferred ) and their wives have been involved. A mother we both respect have been involved yet nothing changed.

Getting worst so much that I am beginning to question my own sanity.

Skmoda360:
Ah!!! This is not really good oooo and the marriage has produce children?

We have two beautiful girls.

Skmoda360:
I get this bro.....what you need now is God's intervention cuz it seems like you have talked to her severally and it's not yielding any result.....
Bro, do you see any sign of this her sudden change in character during courtship?

She never apologises from the onset. But affront has now been added to it.

Foodqueen:
Rapecase
Are you sure u didn't rape her the first time u met her

On a lighter note, what is marriage turning into sef

I created the username whilst trying to help two kids who were victims of rape.

Mstick:
Nairaland alfa mails your food is ready it contains the usual
1) he gives his wife money
2) she denies him sex
3) she doesn’t work

Come and abuse OP’s wife, he has already laid her on a golden table for you guys.

Posts like this are not needed. I am running nuts here and you think it is a laughing matter.