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Cheers.

hi,

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Cheers!

Ymix94:
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Hi,


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Mayor

BIXYBABE:
They knw u might not allow them 2 cum at all if they tell u d exact period they want 2 use, dat is why they wil cum and be extending it small small

Lesson learnt

Breaststroke:


Fathers are often restless and impatient to get back to their lives and territories. I can so relate, my dad is the same way, lol.

You need to give situation report to the other side oo , make chapter 3 of this story unfold abeg.

I am curious to know what happens next, when they receive word that your parents have left.

This matter intrigues me because of my childhood background and experience, with extended family.

I am as curious as you are... I expect they should reason that man go recover first, before even suggesting it.

In fact, for the rest of this year, I don't wanna hear anything. They have, combined, spent close to 3months out of 12 this year na!

jenifer007:
@Op I believe your in laws are already missing your comfortable home.They can't wait to come back and continue to watch their bb naija and eat and sleep like they like .That's why they wanna know if your parents are still around...Those guys are just lazy....once they come back,they won't want to leave this time around.To avoid unnecessary quarrel from them because they will confront you this time around if you ask them to leave.It is better you insist that they are not coming back because your wife's parents want them to be living permanently with you guys.Una go box each other if those guys come back...Guys wey go see you and not greet you....Abeg based on logistics guy bone them.

lol... That bb naija ehn, never been a fan, and to have people watching it when I just want to chill with my family at night is just sad!

LewsTherin:


Now this doesn't bode well. For her parents to be asking if yiur parents have gone. They want to know if you hold your own family to thensame standards you held them to. That is the problem. Your in laws have a negative mindset towards you. Fortunately, it seems like your wife's got your back.

My advice. Get your wife to gently warn them. "Why are you talking like this? Do you want my brothers to move into my marital home but don't want his parents to stay for long periods? Are you trying to bring issues into my marriage?" You know, that kind of thing. She should stress on how it all affects her marriage. That should cool things down somewhat. No parents not from hell want to strain their only daughter's marriage.

Interestingly, someone mentioned something similar earlier "They want to know if you hold your own family to the same standards you held them to"... I didn't even think about it, I thought that maybe they just wanted the boys back. I doubt they are thinking that way though, I would like to think we have a good relationship.

frozen70:


I get your points, these guys don't want to understand that the economy is hard and they contribute nothing at home

Even to sweep or clean the house, you have to even remind them to wash your car

Seat your wife down and talk to her that the economy is too hard to keep people you have to feed

If she is not cooperating, let her contribute a larger percentage of what it cost to run your home and let's see how far she goes

Lol. they did nothing through out... Don't see them when I leave for work, and return to see them glued to big brother. super annoying stuff. Ha! She's learnt o, when food started finishing (esp. since we don't eat in the afternoon since we are both at work). Na the maid I pity pass, washing more plates and serving their food.

Breaststroke:


No nah army baby! When it comes to parents I am all for people breaking protocols and going the extra mile for them.

Parents (good ones) took care of us from infancy to adulthood, we ought to do right and do well by them as they age, because unlike our siblings youth & strength are no longer on their side.

I prioritize my parents over my siblings all the time and in this case when I said the same rules should apply to his family for consistency, I was thinking more of his siblings.

Recall that his parents haven't visited since the naming ceremony, but wifey's people (except her dad) have visited several times.

Rules should be broken for good & reasonable parents.

Just saw ur comment, I agree!

armyofone:
Exactly his parents should not stay longer than necessary-out of respect for his wife and children. Make sure they leave after their short visit. Nothing like na my pickin house syndrome. There presence might disrupt the peace you want in your home.
Maybe I missed it, you didn't say your parents were coming in the first post.

I am not sure that is she meant when she said "Whatever steps you take regarding your in-laws, from this point forward should be the same ones you apply when it's your own family involved so there's consistency and no bias." ... Parents and siblings can't be compared in this regard, from both sides. But even length of visit should be with discretion. I did say they were coming. And they are leaving already, my dad is a guy man o, very understanding.

apotek:
It happened to me too. My wife's sister came to live with us and I banged her like a boss, recorded it and showed the video to my wife. She sent her packing

Ahan... I choose to believe it is lie.

Breaststroke:


This your matter dey make me laugh walahi.

They are asking if your parents have left so that what will happen?

Who has been asking, her parents or her brothers?

Is there a problem @ the parents house like a case of bed bugs, snakes or leaking roof, that makes it life threatening for them to stay there?

Whatever steps you take regarding your in-laws, from this point forward should be the same ones you apply when it's your own family involved so there's consistency and no bias.

it is funny o. Her pips are asking her. I wonder why. I pretended like I didn't hear, though.

My siblings are really not around, they don't even have my time.

Is there a problem @ the parents house like a case of bed bugs, snakes or leaking roof, that makes it life threatening for them to stay there? lol. It is a long story.

frozen70:


You may not understand what I mean by the bolded, but I will explain

You see inlaws are one of the most sensitive family to deal with, they would say you personally chase them out of your house and on the long run, it might affect the relationship with both families, remember you have kids and they have to relate with them.

But assuming you asked your wife to do that herself, they will assume that she doesn't want them in her house and for me it's OK that way

Thanks for explaining, I see your angle better now. But mehn, it is difficult either way, its Nigeria and tradition. It would still come down to me (the man). Inlaws are sensitive but one should be strong from the get go, I think! Funny enough, my wife says they have been asking if my parents have left, they haven't even spent two weeks.

I will soon test them, I want to see if they will ask them to come back.

frozen70:


Next time don't send them away like that, talk to your wife to find a way and do that herself

I'm as much as the economy is hard, feeding people who are idle is like creating more problems for them

Sent them away like how exactly? They went back to their home, they have a home, yh? I couldn't leave that responsibility to her.

You are absolutely right. We don't talk about our finance. Religion and traditions, with fake burdensome respect is killing us.

yettymuse:
This is me! If you're not going to be useful, geddifok! Nigerians are users, that's why they wear their entitlement crown everywhere they go.! Don't be too surprised, just give them their sizes and everyone would be back to default. No time!

Nigerians don't talk about finances. In family settings or relationships. They hide money talks under frivolous discussions and spice it up with sentiments and morals, some they use religion sef seal am up! But if them know say you get small crase, them go adjust!.

MMotimo:
This should be a lesson to this generation for when you are planning (yes, you should have a plan) to have kids. Do the maths for how much you can afford to spend on your kids so that you are not looking to other people to supplement you. Kids are expensive, raising them is not getting cheaper. Cut your coat according to your cloth to avoid embarrassment!

In this case, the in laws should have rented short term accommodation in this town for the boys to enjoy themselves in peace without being burdens in their sister’s home. The world is changing, financial arithmetics in every sphere of life has become imperative, it’s time my people embraced accountability for their own decisions. A family has at least 3 (wife and the 2 boys) grown kids, maybe more; yet you try to award 2 of them to a man that is still raising his own 2 young kids. Haba!

Lol. E say na award..

MMotimo:
This should be a lesson to this generation for when you are planning (yes, you should have a plan) to have kids. Do the maths for how much you can afford to spend on your kids so that you are not looking to other people to supplement you. Kids are expensive, raising them is not getting cheaper. Cut your coat according to your cloth to avoid embarrassment!

In this case, the in laws should have rented short term accommodation in this town for the boys to enjoy themselves in peace without being burdens in their sister’s home. The world is changing, financial arithmetics in every sphere of life has become imperative, it’s time my people embraced accountability for their own decisions. A family has at least 3 (wife and the 2 boys) grown kids, maybe more; yet you try to award 2 of them to a man that is still raising his own 2 young kids. Haba!

True

She is the second child and only girl.

Mehn, they both did o, wifey was embarrassed . I am just glad she saw it herself, i didn't need to convince her. I told her, "seems your parent's want to leave your siblings here".

Me wey dey find school fees. Lol

Breaststroke:


Jeez, I am appalled @ their words/behaviour. Like WTF, is wrong with these people? Did both parents say this or just one of them? Is your wife the first born child?

I think the expectation is that you will cater for your wife and her younger siblings, now that you've married their daughter. It's a shitty expectation and mentality.

Assist when you can or if you feel like it, but don't let anyone compel you into taking on, responsibilities that aren't yours in the first place. This is why I asked, what sort of inconsiderate family did you marry into?

Kai!!! As if any of them is helping you pay the bills in your own house.

Breaststroke:


Right now, it's just me, myself and I in a one bedroom apartment. I don't have the same issues you have, OP had or that I had growing up .

However when I have relatives or friends, who want to visit for more than one day, I insist on;

1. Clear and direct communication (e.g when are you coming, how long do you plan to stay) I reciprocate by saying okay it's fine or no, now is not a good time, I can offer you shelter but decent meals may be hard cos I'm broke, if you don't mind a repeat diet of noodles and eggs then you are welcome.

2. I make three of my most important house rules very clear too - I cannot stand a messy environment, so do not mess up my space. Don't make me clean up after you, if you are not as old as my parents. Lastly, when leaving don't take away my personal items without asking me first.

I hate it when folks assume because we are family or friends, it is okay to take a pair of earrings, a piece of clothing or something else they like without asking. No, it is not okay, I may need that item more than you do.

I generally prefer for people to visit at my own convenience, by month's end, when salaries are paid and there's money to re-stock the kitchen, I can treat them to a movie at the cinema or a nice hangout somewhere cool & inexpensive. Then when they are leaving, I am able to gift them some cash for transport or pocket money (this one I mostly do for my nieces)

Nice

sassysure:

My husband grew up in such setting.

When he took me to his house to see his old man, I met battalion.
He said they are few now cos mumsy is late. At a point, they were around 30. Workers and families and friends of the families.

A worker even put another in a family way in their house

He opted to live in one room in the bq even as we came for wedding,No place for us to stay as the bq he was occupying is no longer free. Them no even care to leave a room for us


It affected him so much he is very very anti social. Keep people at arms length. He is fine with communicating from afar. I was blaming him at first for being anti social until I knew the reason behind it.

See all those people that their parents trained, nobody dey remember them again.

Wow

wow! That is really something, I can't even begin to imagine. How did your mum feel about it?

Breaststroke:


I can relate to this, I grew up in a somewhat similar environment. The only difference is, we never had that number of people living together at once, but our house was like an open house that catered to the needs of every Tom, Dick and Harry.

1. It was like the viewing center people came to, when they wanted to watch a major football match because they knew a gen was available if NEPA failed.

2. It also served as a restaurant that fed people who were hungry. People intentionally visited for the free food or drink they would get.

3. It was also a sick bay where my dad's relatives would bring any ailing family member and dump for him to take care of, without prior notice or his permission to do so.................I can go on but I'll make it a short list.

There were always people flocking in and out of our home, I hated it. There were short term & long term guests, daily guests who visited for long hours of the day etc. Siesta was impossible, the moment you lay down to rest a bit you are being called, to come and serve food or prepare a fresh meal for a new visitor. We couldn't even watch TV freely, without being asked to switch channels to one a visitor preferred.

Morning devotions were also impossible to conduct without interruption. As early as 7am, they would be visitors knocking loudly at the gate (This is not an exaggeration). I was always eager for school (Uni) to re-open so I could return to the hostel and have some semblance of sanity.

If school reopens today, by tomorrow I'll pack my things and go. My course mate Sylvia once asked me why I resume school so early, I told her I didn't like it at home.

Home felt like a problematic house, accommodating too many people who made no positive impact to that house. A home is meant to be like a sweet & safe haven you can retreat to, for sanity, love, peace & quiet, not chaos or drama.

When people say there's no place like home, I am first amused then mildly irritated at their naivety. Home is where the heart is, that place where you mostly enjoy, you are glad and at peace. Heaven knows my heart was never in my parents home where I grew up.

Breaststroke:
@ OP, you were more tolerant than I would have been.

I was seriously put off by the brothers' laziness and your wife's parents, for asking why the brothers can't continue to stay even with expected guests.

No offence meant but what sort of inconsiderate family did you marry into? They would have left my house sooner rather than later, I have low to zero tolerance for bullshit.

Please lay down ground rules for guests in your home, whether they are relatives or not. When I am a guest in someone's home I make myself useful in cash or kind.

In cash, I either buy fuel for the gen, bread, tea items or whatever I perceive is needed, even without being asked. In kind, I help with chores around the house.

These are common sense ways to make yourself endearing as a guest in people's homes. It amazes me how many adults don't know this, being 24 or 26 is not an excuse. Then again male children are often trained differently from female ones, so it explains the brothers' poor attitude.

wow! you really caught what set me off. The expected guests were my parents, who hadn't seen my kids since the naming. When they come, I would have 9 people (including our help) under my roof.

When I heard her parents' say "so, because my people are coming, their children should leave ...", I was shocked to my pants. I am a person who loves my peace and quiet, 9 people around me all the time will literally make be cranky and eventually kill me.

See, I love my wife die, and I do anything to make her happy, but this issue was really eye opening for me. When I called her aside and explained everything I had observed to her, she understood completely. Even, hastened their departure. I have also told her, it would be a while before I accept any guests (another brother of her's was also here for a month this same year)... Certainly not 2 people, her parent's didn't call me, I don't know if it is fear or disregard, but like you said "ground rules" will be set from now on, esp after seeing that they wanted to dump them with me.

cheers.

femi2015b:
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yeyeosoronga:


They came visiting and said they would spend only 2weeks. Why extend it to 3 months? There's nothing petty and wicked in sending them back to their home. It's a different thing if they were homeless, but they're not.
OP did the right thing for him. The only thing I dont understand is why bring it on NL after you've taken a stand and acted on your decision. Do you need NL members to validate your action or what?
Once you take a decision, own it. No apologies, no looking back, no need for validation from anyone..... Nothing.

Hey!

Nothing really! Just to share, know if people experience it, know how they handled it. No one's an island. I didn't mention names, just to educate myself some more ni. Dasall

fabulousfortune:
Op, u did well. U even tolerated dia disrespect too long enough. Buh, why re majority of d ladies here getting all emotional

My exact thoughts, overly dramatic. A few honest ones, though.

Mizwisdom:



I'm not wishing him bad, I only wanted him to take things seriously, it seems he just dismisses any comment from females and he has a wife who is definitely female so why is he dismissing suggestions from females? honestly the man is some how thank God he's not my husband

Lol. I didn't dismiss every lady here.. I dismissed you. And you proved me right, after your comment concerning my marriage... Besides, you never really addressed the issue.

I am somehow? Lol. You are really funny o. Honestly.

Of course, with your way of thinking, you wouldn't be my wife too.

annalong:


This statement is so unwarranted!

Very much so.

genq:



Mizfoolishness,
1. Yes it is HIS HOUSE - as long as he's the one financially responsible for that home (which I'm sure he is).
2. It is not his responsibility to baby a 26 years old grown man. How silly of you to suggest that!

In everything the OP narrated, you've conveniently ignored his ordeal so you can pick out points for the purpose of your silly 'women empowerment' agenda. Nonsense

@ roaringlamb01 I'm sure you've seen by the comments that most women on this forum are very hypocritical, selfish and narrow minded. Next time, invite your own siblings for just 2 months and watch how accommodating your 'lovely' wife really is.

When i saw her say i should mentor him, I realized their was no point reasoning with her. I have seen how narrowed minded some ladies can be, sidestepping the topic to focus only a phrase out of text. Tis aii though.

Mizwisdom:
Every body come here to post Cock & Bull story. OK, your in-laws don't greet you, am I to understand that you didn't mention this to your wife but kept it stored in your heart for vengeance? how come?


Then you said it's your house? is your wife also a guest in the house or a tenant? kindly respond


You said one of your in-laws is 26 and he does nothing, did you try to mentor him or help him with connection if you have?



Try as much as possible to accept your in-laws as part of your extended family, don't always seek to drive them away but try to contribute positively to their lives one way
or other

lol. ok ma!

n

ZIMDRILL:


when he said "this is my house," it doesnt mean he was excluding his wife -NO if the conversation was between hubby and wife then Yes it would be wrong to say "this is my house"

but the conversation was between hubby and the brother in laws, he was putting a bold statement to say i am my own men and this is my kingdom therefore i run and make decisions

for real how can someone visit you but doesnt greet you in the morning or evening, its an insult you sleep and eat my hard earned money but you cant show even respect by greeting me in my own house

This as only gone a long way to clarify that men and women think differently. The women have focused only on the my house as a "property" (which is really interesting), the men understand the "territory" or like you called it, "kingdom" which the statement is all about. Of course, it is our home, but my house in terms of decision making and anyone outside my immediate family - it is unfortunate they can't see that!

I am not sure they would feel the same way if I had siblings over who were just eating three times a day (and she has to cook it and wash the dishes), and she had to wash their clothes all the time as well. And they spend all time making noise and waking the babies up. and i said this is my house, they have to go!.

The ladies are perhaps hypocrites here, I am sorry!