₦airaland Forum

EfemenaXY:
Arrgghhh! Stop messing with my head. You'll only succeed in confusing me!

What I meant with my question was, if marriage is merely a registered mating association, then why register it in the first place, seeing as a lot of unregistered mating goes on anyway?

EfemenaXY:
It's only "easier" for the government to sort out if the married spouse didn't leave a will before their demise. You do have cases where a married person may decide for reasons best known to them to live a will instructing that all of his or her assets be given to non-family members or even to their local dogs / cats home. This is where you then have the miffed, by-passed family member(s) contesting the will at court.

That aside, even those who made their millions without getting married still have their estate shared out to family members in the absence of a will. And if no family member is identified, it eventually goes back to the Treasury. (Have you ever watched the program Heir Hunters? Quite insightful...)

EfemenaXY:
At one point, Britain had the highest number of teenage pregnancies in the whole of Europe. Advocating for marriage certainly didn't limit those rabbit-like conceptions. I do agree with you point about bringing up a child in a two parent environment could be for a child on condition that that child is loved by both parents. But this again is too generalistic. The modern family is not always shaped by your pre 60's model of mum and dad, Peter and Jane ladybird-like stories...

carefreewannabe:
EfemenaXY and Sagamite, what do you think?

jennykadry:
This feminism thing is going too far..how can Efemena be arguing/fighting with sagamilo her husband in public. No respect for the head of the family

EfemenaXY:

Of course I lurrrrrvvvvveeee and respect my Sagalicious Faka-Faka Boom-Boom of a hubby.
But I dey vex small. He publicly demoted me back to 3rd wife and it hurts like hell! All my scheming and planning to lay my hands on those fertile farmlands is nought. Zilch.

EfemenaXY:
Single unmarried people also have accidents and slip into comas. The next of kin (most likely a family member) gets called upon to make that decision. So there again, you don't need to be married for the doctors to decide whether or not to switch off your life support or make decisions for your when you're incapacitated and unable to do so.

Re: teachers needing to know whom to call mummy and daddy - again, you're thinking in terms of traditionally monogamous marriages. Schools admit kids from single parents, orphans looked after by the state / council. In the latter case, do they need to know who mummy and daddy are?

EfemenaXY:
If marriage isn't a union, then what is it? A business decision / agreement? And if that's what it really is, then how is that relationship any different to that which one holds with his or her colleagues at work?

EfemenaXY:
Why get married then? You certainly don't need to marry your co-workers even though you operate in a certain environment with clear-cut expectations from you with regards to your conduct, performance and business decisions.

EfemenaXY:
As I type this, I'm thinking of the response you gave to Carefreewannabe about what should happen if a man decided to go into business, it goes bust with him having to sell the family home to offset his debts to his creditors.

Now that divide and conquer solution scenario you gave is no different to what happens in your average working place. You only get paid (rewarded) for what you put it. Same as how you say assets should be divided up in case of a divorce settlement between a man and his wife.

EfemenaXY:
Mind boggling, innit?

What's wrong with my list? Those are valid reasons too, aren't they?

EfemenaXY:
You don't have to be married to claim that. Merely living with your partner is enough.

EfemenaXY:
Marriage isn't the exclusive preserve of the religious. Even non-religious people / atheists get married too.

EfemenaXY:
That can be achieved without having to get married. Having a will is sufficient.

EfemenaXY:
Oh please! Come on Saga. There aren't any laws restricting the number of kids a person can have...unless of course you live in China and are bound by it's laws of one child per person for it's citizens. Even single parents here in the UK until recently were earning more than their working counterparts in terms of Social Benefits given to them. The more kids you push out, the bigger your slice of the national cake. It got so bad - to the point where it was common knowledge that you'll lose more if you decide to work, with your large brood.

EfemenaXY:
That's an ideal scenario but not always practical. You've got societal misfits from two parent families just as you've got those who've contributed well to society from single parent backgrounds.

EfemenaXY:
Societal values and desires are subjective and vary from region to region. The institution of marriage isn't that varied and is generally the same across the globe, apart from a few deviants of course (which is the norm for most things in life anyway).

akinsadeez:
Yes. That intention is presumed. The principle of law says that a man is presumed to intend that which is the natural consequence of what he does. If I shoot into a market intending to kill my enemy, but the bullet hits someone else who dies, I am still presumed to have intended killing that person.
She willingly put poison in a food knowing that anyone who eats thereof would die, the law would presume that she had the intention of killing all of them.

akinsadeez:
2 years? Do you know that she killed more than one person? At the very least she should be sentenced to life imprisonment. At least in prison there will be no husband to r.ape her every night as some have alleged. After serving 40 yrs, one lenient chief judge might free her.

carefreewannabe:
Sagamite, what about LA FAMILIA?

carefreewannabe:
In case of accidents, to be allowed to see the husband / wife when he / she is in coma and to be allowed to make decisions for him / her when he / she is not able to.

For school teachers to know how to call mummy and daddy. It is confusing when each family member has a different name.

What else?

Thinking hard.

EfemenaXY:
So basically, they should maintain individual holds of their assets. Married but operating like singles?

So where does the concept of two becoming one fit in? Marriage is meant to be a union. His becomes hers and vice versa. Where is the union in what you're advocating for?

EfemenaXY:
I see.

If it's merely a mating association, why must it be registered with the local authorities? I mean, even those who aren't married mate like there's no tomorrow for various reasons - reasons which also hold values for them and the society they find themselves in. For example, people mate:

~ For revenge against cheating spouses

~ To increase their career prospects

~ For acceptance

~ To reduce the occurrences of r@pe

~ To gain popularity

~ To reduce the chances of getting prostrate cancer (according to Nairaland's recently condoned "research"

EfemenaXY:
As per the last line of your post, why is it necessary that marriages be registered? I mean what's the point of knowing who's shagging who if that's what is really all about - mating purposes? You don't even need to be married to mate!

gatiano:
they forgot home in pursuit of illusion. and most end up drug addicts and few others eventually burst into financial difficulty, they run away from the universities and become illegal immigrant forging documents etc with the poor africans who knows that are not students or have any working permits or papers.

about the whites hating arab more than they hate black, that is untrue. no race is hated more than the black race. their hate stems from their fear of the black people, and true they should and must fear. the arabs for now pose more threat to the supremacy of the whites/caucasian which infact has been lost long time ago. and in that arab state, there are also white arabs and dark skinned arab and black original people.

about the macdonald and kfc stuffs, any black person still taking break fast, lunch and dinner at any fast food joint has him/herself to be blame. since some blacks hate theirselves, they would also want to eat food that isn't theirs in the first place (however, if you are in rom, you must behave like a roma. what do i mean? it means if i drink garri on regular basis in germany or poland or canada, i will fall sick in no time, since that climate does not grow such food, then it is not advicable to eat it frequently, so also is in Nigeria, i always prefer by cassava food and chlorophy vegetables, beans, fruits to any food not grown on that soil, rice included). but a black person with a wannable sense would always live other than him/herself.

somebody said the whites are in control, yes they were, but not anymore. they lost control over 100 years ago with the sinking of titanic. they seem to still be in control, if not there won't be the idea of the word or cry for independence on the africans' mouths.

carefreewannabe:
Who?

carefreewannabe:
Will she have and their kids have to live with strangers in the house then?

carefreewannabe:
I know but if hubby's business fails and he has no money to pay for his debt, then he will have to sell the house. He cannot sell only half of it so the wife will have to sell her half too or else poor dude is in trouble. That's the issue. She will have to move out of the house even though the problem was created by her husband.

carefreewannabe:
Nice.

How do you want to "separate" a house?

EfemenaXY:
Saga, if you don't mind my asking, what's your understanding of what a marriage is, or should be?

You've said quite a bit of what it shouldn't be, so it'll be interesting to know what you think it should be...

carefreewannabe:
I couldn't agree more but it all shows that wives also take risks when married, sometimes without having explicitly agreed to them.

For example, a husband sets up a business of his own, he has the necessary money to do so. In case anything goes wrong, he has to pay with his private properties (Ltd.). The house is half his and half hers because they both paid for the house. He has to sell the house to pay off the debt because he has no cash, he cannot sell only his half. The wife will have to move out of the house and sell off her half because if she disagrees, he will not be able to pay for his debt.

This is not about being married to a loser. Anyone's business can go bust.

carefreewannabe:
Osisi gave a good example. Being married also involves some risks for women. If you set up a business and your woman stays at home with your kids and anything goes wrong, she is also affected and the money and properties she brought to the marriage. Even if she signs a contract giving you green light to do your business, the risk that you take and any negative consequences will also be split. What do you think of that? Is it fair?

akinsadeez:
The problem is; when she is arraigned what defence can her lawyer convincingly plead for her. I really can't see any. There is no doubt that she committed premeditated murder. law and emotions are very different. The law says that anyone who commits murder should be sentenced to death and that is it.
If she is allowed to go scot free, then it lays a precedent and will certainly encourage other child brides to consider killing their husbands. Part of the duty of the court is to lay down punishment that will act as deterrent to others and letting her go in this case wont help matters at all. We might not like it but the law is the law.

Truckpusher:
You people speak as if you speak the minds of these girls that were raised in such society,nurtured and catered for by parents that believed in that culture and lived with it.

Aren't we overreacting already - It is a fact that even women of Northern Nigeria regard all Southern women as whores and irresponsible because they believe that as long as they cover all their body and got married off at early to one man that their level of chastity is far way better of than you guys down south or pro western ideology.So, I find it very disturbing when we shout 'pedophilia' but you never get to hear even the most educated women among them from the North saying any word about it.What does that tell you?

Truckpusher:
Nothing - it is part of her psyche,culture and training and I'm sure her Mom had her when she like her too. It would surprise you to know that she didn't kill this guy because she was married off as a minor but purely because they have their own problems,maybe he beats her or she doesn't love him and despise him so much - But you folks are painting it like she is against the culture because she wasn't, she was against something else.And this is what need to be addressed.

What would you say if she is discharged and set free ,and gets married to another man and live her life happily?

annibro:
She is 'INNOCENT' as far as d Law is concerned;
No 1: what does a 14yr old know in terms of cooking? At age 14, I didn't know wat rat poison was. So, she probably mistaken it for a kind of Spice
.
No 2: if at all she knew wat it was, she did it out of 'self Defense'. She was kidnapped (bundled 2 an old man's house against her wish), & Raped for 2wks. To prevent being raped 2 death, she had 2 defend herself.
NB: Defence Counsel, pls take note

Cc Defence counsel,
Judge
Presidency

annibro:
U don't need 2 be sorry. The other pple u are taking about also deserve 2 Die after all they were d grooms men at d wedding & supported dis Barbaric act 2 d extent of even visiting only after 2wks 2 come & hear story of hw he disvirgined her. Nonsense!

BTW: how tasty is d food of a 14yr old baby, dat grown up idiotic Gluttons came all d way 2 come & eat 2 d extent dat they finished d entire pot of food without even smelling d offensive odor of rat poison in it.
Quesn: Are they not the ones 2 cook 4 her instead? Mtcheeeeew... Otondos!

Truckpusher:
Now somebody is saying something reasonable and not these emotionally bamboozled folks that don't have anything to offer but boldly supports murder.As if murder itself is now preferable TO pedophilia....smh

It is a shame.A real shame that people do not know that no matter how offended they are that murder is never justified.
Hypocrisy of the highest order - If you people should find yourselves in adverse situations and people uses it to justify murdering you I hope you'd be happy wherever you find yourselves.

SAY NO TO MURDER AS A MEANS TO AN END -IT IS NEVER JUSTIFIED, IF IT WAS JUSTIFIED MOST US ARE SUPPOSE TO BE DEAD BY NOW.

PapiWata:
As Commander in Chief of the Nigerian Armed Forces, President Jonathan should seize the golden political opportunity presented by this miscarriage of justice planned against a child-victim twice over persecuted, by invoking his PRESIDENTIAL PREROGATIVE to summarily OVER-RULE the barbaric sentence of death levied against this innocent child that was forced into a marital union with an unrepentant mholester hiding behind the convenient guise of "tradition and religion" to feed his base predatory instincts.

Jonathan Goodluck, the judgement of history will indeed be kind to you if you grab this opportunity to MANIFEST your belief in justice for Nigeria's weak and mistreated, whose very LIVES can be saved by your good self, Your Excellency, with the simple placement of a phone call, and the stroke of a pen. Stand on the side of what will ALWAYS be right, Jonathan, and set that girl free NOW.

Stand for compassion, Johathan. Embrace benevolence for the downtrodden, given that this always nurtures growing kinship amid the comity of civilized nations, ensuring salvation, redemption and indeed liberty for all within and without Africa whose lives you touch during the illustrious balance of your truly blessed life.

Please, You Excellency Jonathan Goodluck, PLEASE, use your power of executive veto to REJECT the ugly and evil sentence of death passed on this 14-year old victim of modern day slavery, so that she be set FREE. Remove her from that area as soon as she is liberated by her captors, and you will be FLOODED with offers from responsible governments offering to welcome her where she can attend school, and grow up to achieve her greatest academic and professional potential.

Set the 14 year old victim of slavery FREE, Johathan. It is within your power as Nigeria's Head of State. Do this good deed NOW, sir.

oloyede252:
Which child?save d serial killer only because she is a minor.God dis girl not only kill one person,for God sake

carefreewannabe:
Save the children!

https://s.ngm.com/2011/06/child-brides/img/yemeni-child-brides-husbands-615.jpg

https://images.viralnova.com/000/004/910/child-brides4.jpg

https://womennewsnetwork.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/041-CARE_Tino.jpg

[img]http://4.bp..com/-3Wgi4oXUrBY/U0bcQy1QIlI/AAAAAAAAIAw/mzLsK9l0OHE/s1600/child-bride-300x210-1.jpg[/img]

https://biglawnewsline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Teenage-Pregnancy-Cases-367x320.jpg


And people will tell me to respect their culture.

Truckpusher:
Funny enough iidiots like you can't even look into my eyes and say jack in the real world.....smh

Internet power.

carefreewannabe:
This is not what I wanted to know. This is something I already knew.

babyosisi:
You don't have to say a thing,recite anything but just agree to be man and wife and swear before the justice of the peace and sign to it in front of witnesses.
That is all that is required
FYI adultery!alienation of affection etc are grounds for divorce

Contracts are not always written,as long as they are mutually understood and anyone going into marriage knows it

What is written is usually the terms of severance of the marriage contract e.g prenup

In some states,a woman doesn't get much if the marriage is under a certain number of years
And in some you have to be married over a certain no of years to get alimony
Those are conditions at divorce

If I were wrong,this discussion won't be holding
Ask Michael Jordan,Tiger woods and many others how much the contract cost them at divorce