₦airaland Forum

Empero1:
Stop yarning trash , please . There's a different between when someone take responsibility of something conscientiously and consensually that compared to when one is coerced or tricked into a responsibility . Enough of this holier than thou attitude you bunch always exhibit in public to gain some cheap recognition from ineffectual entities like those that gave you likes in this your aberration opinion .

Fcking well said!

*Round of Applause*

He is just desperate to get approval from woman and be patted on the head as a "Real Man".

Ifyalways likes guys like this.

IYANGBALI:
is that why a woman should bring a bastaard another man's child home?if your husband is cheating on you or whatever,go out and fok all the men in the world,but don't bring a bastaard another man's child home,ok?

Simples!

Kimoni:
Unfaithful you mean?

If I remember correctly, thats why they divorced naa, he claimed she was unfaithful.

Oh, okay.

Muscomide:
Hmmm, strange decision by Femi to return the children to their mother. As a father myself, I can not imagine suddenly having to disown children I have raised and bonded with, on the basis of some DNA test or the other. I have news for you, Femi Kuti, a real man will not do what you have done. Being a father is more than biological!

andromida and all other mugu-moulding certificate holders, can you please come and give this guy a good pat on the back.

He is purring for your approval.

Muscomide, can I know where your wife works?

onila:
IDI0T!


wicked men, he went for DNA tests because

he wants to reduce child support monthly to his baby mama;s

fagg0t!

So he should be paying for kids that her not his?

stagger:
What goes around comes around. Femi has confessed to being a polygamist by nature, which means any "ukwu" that catches his fancy, he will go after it. But then he expected his ex-wife Funke to keep her legs closed for him and for him only. What did he expect? We should start treating women with respect and dignity.

Where did you see him complain about her being faithful?

If my babe or female friend/family slaps me: No.

If some woman I don't know or some hooodrat ho slaps me: I will bitchslap the murrafucker with a thunderous slap.

ifyalways:
Humour , honesty and consistency in their posts.

People pleasers that rarely have their own opinion disgusts me.

What is wrong with me giving opinions I think people want to hear and makes them like me?

I only want to be loved, that's all.

I dey laugh o!

"Real Men", women are so nice and they don't cheat? It is men that cheat?

"I wasn't born last night, .................."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXRN_LkCa_o

cap28:
Carefreewannabe, another one of you and Sagamite's pals getting a beatdown on a London bus:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bavvkHg0CVs

Mentally-ill fuuktard, is this the answer to my questions?

You are whining about the white man dominating you but you are still doing all your best to live in his land and refuse to go back to your GREAT AFRICA that used to rule over the white man in year 469211 BC?

GREAT BLACKS!!!

Chiamaka01:
I'm Bini and i've never heard of that. I don't know of other tribes, though. The most ridiculous is being indirectly married to the family.

So you telling us that in Bini traditional customs:

- You are not suppose to submit to your husband and be inferior in the relationship

- You are not expected to obey him and let him make the decisions

- You are not expected to be a virgin upon marriage, and if you are not, you have to confess to your mother-in-law and other of your husband's female family members who all your previous sexual partners are.

- Your families are not automatically married to each other?

It is only paying dowry that is part of the customs?

carefreewannabe:
I have read your posts to which you provided the links and I saw that you mentioned Hitler at the end of the second post from the second link.

You said that he was able to make a nation follow him.
Let me tell you that different scholars agree that it was possible for many reasons and one of them was the upbringing of people back in the day.
Germans by that time had very strict and authoritative father figures. They were brought up to obey and to follow and not to think and question anyone in power. This mixed with other factors, such as for example poverty, led to what we now call one of the most cruel crimes against humanity.

I agree that culture influences people but I disagree that upbringing is irrelevant or less important.

What I meant is smacking is irrelevant and less important, not upbringing.

As I said earlier:

Sagamite:
Yep.

Moral development is also dependent on the foundation morals of the parents which they use to survive and the morals the society at large they live in espouse.

cap28:
Have you answered any of mine, crackhead?

by the way how does it feel to be humiliated by an eastern European immigrant?

You are a cretinous fuuktard!

You posted you usual moronic videos and I asked you:

Sagamite:
Mentally-ill fuuktard, do they make these films to whine like you cretins and say "hate the Germans"? Or to highlight the impact of inhumanity?#
MOSSAD tracks down murders, you moronic arsse thinks that is a crime.
I am not surprised, in your Africa, the person would be elected as President and a national hero instead of being in jail. While your dumb arsses point to the white man as the "common enemy".
Moronic fuuktard!
Mentally-ill fuuktard, are you people even half as good?
Have you shown the videos or pictures of the experience of someone being of a different tribe than the local tribe in your Africa?
Typical loony mentality.

You are running and trying to ask questions to dodge it.

Dumb pussi.

Mentally-ill fuuktard, answer my damn questions and let me slaughter your dumb arsse with the more junk you followed it with.

carefreewannabe:
LOL

Believe it or not, I am not an extremist. I don't consider some "mild" spanking child abuse but before I spank my children, I would first try everything to avoid it and then call daddy on them.

A good licking for a kid is not necessarily bad some few times as long as the other times is mostly about love, fun, mentorship and jokes.

carefreewannabe:
Spanking or not, talking about Nigerians, something is fundamentally wrong with them.
I am asking myself why they are so hypocritical and morally crooked. What went wrong?
Part of the answer must be their upbringing.


Why are many Nigerian girls so rude?
Why are so many Nigerian men so dishonest?
Why are they so aggressive?
Why do they always find excuses to engage themselves in different criminal activities and find it so easy to justify them despite acting so holy on Sundays?
Why is there a gender war between the se*xes in this country?
Why are women disrespected so much and their value determined by their age and ability to push out babies?
Why are men respected according to their pocket size and not other qualities?

Yes, part of it is upbringing but smacking would be a very negligible part of the problem.

I have talked about it before. It is about how their culture is developed.

The cultural web explains it well.

www.nairaland.com/746243/pay-bribe-child-pass-exams/1#9032656

www.nairaland.com/1410261/tear-burn-nigerian-passport-once/12#17703773

cap28:
Hey Crackhead I found this clip of you quarrelling with an eastern European woman on a London tube train. Apparently she told you not to stand near her cos you smell and when you got angry she called you a slave:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxTkhG3K99k

Mentally-ill fuuktard, so you are scared of answering my questions because you know they would show you as a moronic fuuktard?

carefreewannabe:
At what age should children be smacked?

And why is it sensible NOT to smack a two-year-old, who I cannot explain things to but a 15-year-old who is able to listen and to understand?

At an age when they are able to reason through the explanation of the smacking. Maybe 5-6.

And the younger they are, the lighter it should be. A 4 year old getting two finger smack on the palm is sufficient.

carefreewannabe:
There always is but spanking is part of their upbringing, which OBVIOUSLY does not make them strong enough.
Apart from this, you have just given examples of countries / regions, which have many problems due to the way they bring up their kids.

Why do you think it does not make them strong?

Why would you attribute not being strong to smacking?

Nigerians are smacked and they are some of the strongest personalities. They can even live in shyt and think it is the greatest heaven in Africa.

What problems do they have? And the people that don't smack their kids do not have problems?

carefreewannabe:
Now we are getting somewhere.

I like that you differentiate here and this is what you should tell people when you talk to them online. Spanking alone is not enough to change a child's behavior for the better.

What kind of spanking is ok though, when is it child abuse? When do parents take the spanking too far?
When does spanking cause more harm than good?

It is better we stop thinking extremes.

There is the authoritarian kind of upbringing and there is the laissez-fair kind of upbringing, both are extremes which are not good for children.

But just because someone decides not to spank their kids, does not mean that he or she teaches his/her kids that they are equal.

Yep. Anyone saying banning smacking completely is an extremist. That was what sexforfree was advocating.

Smacking is part of the complexity of tools to bring up a child.

For different kids, there would be different requirement to use or not use it. There would also be different requirement on the level of use on those you use it for.

My only legislative advocations are:

- No one with any mental health issue should be allowed to smack kids.

- No one with any substance abuse problems should be allowed to smack kids.

- No one should smack their kids when they are under the influence of any substance (above a certain limit).

- Anyone with cruel and unnecessary punishments should be jailed.

- Anyone that smacks to the point that if leads to GBH should face the courts.

Those are what some of the things needed to regulate or act as guidelines for smacking and make it more productive.

That does not mean it would be perfect, but it would be within a reasonable risk level and even better if the economy is good.

carefreewannabe:
For lazy parents or parents who do not know better, same for teachers.

Nope.

Some fear is very good to deliver compliance.

No need to be having some useless arguments with a juvenile sometimes. They need to do as they are told!

carefreewannabe:
Whatever they feel after the spanking is their problem? Be careful it won't become yours.
I see the differences between children whose parents smack them and those whose parents don't.
The latter mentioned need to be treated harshly, the former ones react when you only give them the angry look.

Trust me, babes, no kid can give me heart attack.

I have seen Nigerian kids brought up in the UK and those brought up in Nigeria. I tend to prefer the ones from Nigeria. Super-well behaved.

I have seen some brought up in Nigeria by parents who are funky-wannabes, compared to those who command a level of fear and reverence from their kids. The kids of the latter are better again. That angry look is sufficient to get things done and the parents worry less about their behaviours. They also tend to be not only respectful to their parents, but other adults.

An example was some kids I saw in Central London after which me and my friends hailed a black cab to my car because it was drizzling and the black low-life driver was hating on us and I felt like telling him to fck off.

carefreewannabe:
I was referring to the moral development of human beings which good upbringing takes into consideration.

Many people do only what is right when they know that they will face consequences.
Others were taught to do the right thing no matter if someone is watching or not.

Yep.

Moral development is also dependent on the foundation morals of the parents which they use to survive and the morals the society at large they live in espouse.

Chiamaka01:
No, what part of Nigeria are you from? I know some cultures in Nigeria still have those practices, but not mine.

Did you not say you are from Edo?

What tribe are you and which tribe in Edo does not practice that culture?

iconize:
Faggotic mooron, are you saying you want to marry Johnpaul88 now?

So, you want to divorce your husband?

Useless and dumb faggs!

Why are you always looking for men's arsse, poof?

https://www.nairaland.com/2005630/16-teams-afcon-confirmed#28396131

iconize:
Ghkwame1, its been long you got served.

Bring your moronic asss here at once.

Homoerotic fagggot!

Always looking for men's arssse.

iconize:
But you told us masonkz bought you diapers after ramming your butt.

That is what you told us, homoerotic fuuktard.

iconize:
Faggotic mooron, stop lying. You told us masonkz bought you diapers for N100 after ramming and thrusting your butt on Tuesday.

Masonkz

https://s25.postimg.org/qbzsxl7db/there_is_God_o.jpg

Homoerotic fuuktard, stop lying. You told us masonkz bought you diapers for N100 after ramming and thrusting your butt on Tuesday.
Masonkz
https://s25.postimg.org/qbzsxl7db/there_is_God_o.jpg

fhunn:
everything cap28 posted is correct joor!! And thats what is literally happening. Do you think Dangote would have amassed his kind of wealth in america, he wouldn't even step a foot in their oil field sef! He is even richer than cosby, isn't he?

Ehen, before i forget go, watch american gangster and tell me what you think about the film even if you're looking down on me from your sky castles, just watch and tell me why the gangster fell. Ok

What kind of moronic statements and analogies are these?

carefreewannabe:
This is a very superficial analysis.

Why don't you mention that in Japan parents do not inflict any punishment on their children until they are four?
I know someone who has lived there and conducted his own research because he and his wife work with children.

I never said anyone should smack a kid under four.

It is actually a very sensible approach not to.

carefreewannabe:
Also mention Japan's high youth suicide rates that are the result of the pressure these kids go through.

I can guarantee you it is not because of smacking that they are committing suicides. There is more of a complex mix of factors to that. One of the things I noted your research source omitted and made me decide it was bias.

carefreewannabe:
What I also find interesting is this:

Children cannot learn through spanking alone why their behavior was incorrect (Hoffman, 1983). In fact, spanking teaches children to behave only when the threat of physical punishment is present. Once the threat of physical punishment is gone they have no reason to behave appropriately (Hoffman, 1983).

Obviously!

That is another reason I asked to see your research to look a the circumstances under which spanking took place that the scientists conducted their research.

I am very sure "occasional and reasonable spanking plus good highlight of the reason for the spank" would be more efficient and less costly than "we are equals non-spanking parenthood".

carefreewannabe:
Furthermore, it can be very frightening and confusing for a child to be hit by a parent who they also love and depend on.

One research study found that children report feelings of fear, anger, and sadness after being spanked (Dobbs, Smith, & Taylor, 2006). Even if parents also take time to explain the internal reasons why a child should behave, the feelings children experience after being spanked make it difficult to internalize their parent’s explanation (Grusec & Goodnow, 1994).

As for the quotes in red, they better fcking damn be.

Fear is a very useful tool in parenting.

Whatever they feel after the spanking is really their problem. As for internalisation, it depends on a lot of factors: the complexity of the reasons, the level of smacking, the wider culture for or against smacking etc.

Where I grew up, Sagamu, it was quickly internalised and never repeated.

carefreewannabe:
http://www.human.cornell.edu/pam/outreach/parenting/research/upload/Spanking-Research-Brief.pdf

This is one of the reasons why people in some countries have never learned to do what is right when they know that they will face no consequences.

There are six stages in the moral development according to L. Kohlberg.
Some people NEVER leave stage one due to the way they were brought up.

[img]https://abagond.files./2011/12/kohlberg.png[/img]

I don't understand this parts and the link to smacking in regards to pros and cons.

carefreewannabe:
I have done my research (not only now and not only online) and I am quite experienced in this field so it is your turn to do your research and show me how spanking is a good way to discipline children and how it is better than other disciplinary actions.

Unfortunately, the research you provided appears to be a scientists' background bias. Seem like poor scientific work and more of a statistical play.

Unfortunately, I don't have the millions to conduct my own research and the nations that can conduct my kind of research would NEVER condone conducting a research that says smacking a child is okay. That would not be funky enough for their "progressive" and "liberal" political scene.

What I know is that, there are many countries where kids are smacked and they achieve better students and better behaved kids at far lower costs on average than the countries where they do not smack.

I also know many other factors contribute to violence in society and there are many remedies for the so called "risks" they say is a result of spanking that other nations successfully have employed.

Take Japan, Singapore, Taiwan, Hong Kong, South Korea and Botswana for example.

carefreewannabe:
Spanking children slows cognitive development and increases risk of criminal behavior, expert says

A new book by Murray Straus, founder and co-director of the Family Research Lab and professor emeritus of sociology at the University of New Hampshire, brings together more than four decades of research that makes the definitive case against spanking, including how it slows cognitive development and increases antisocial and criminal behavior.

"The Primordial Violence" (Routledge, 2013) shows that the reasons parents hit those they love includes a lot more than just correcting misbehavior. It provides evidence on the effect spanking has on children, and what can be done to end it. The book features longitudinal data from more than 7,000 U.S. families as well as results from a 32-nation study and presents the latest research on the extent to which spanking is used in different cultures and the subsequent effects of its use on children and on society.
"Research shows that spanking corrects misbehavior. But it also shows that spanking does not work better than other modes of correction, such as time out, explaining, and depriving a child of privileges. Moreover, the research clearly shows that the gains from spanking come at a big cost. These include weakening the tie between children and parents and increasing the probability that the child will hit other children and their parents, and as adults, hit a dating or marital partner. Spanking also slows down mental development and lowers the probability of a child doing well in school," Straus says.
"More than 100 studies have detailed these side effects of spanking, with more than 90 percent agreement among them. There is probably no other aspect of parenting and child behavior where the results are so consistent," he says.
The authors, who include Emily Douglas, associate professor of social work at Bridgewater State University, and Rose Anne Medeiros, a quantitative methodologist at Rice University, argue for policy changes that can bring about a total end to spanking, including "never spank" public service announcements, a health warning to go along with birth certificates, and help for parents having problems with their child. Policy and practical implications are explored in most chapters. "The Primordial Violence" highlights include:
• The benefits of avoiding spanking, such as the development of better interpersonal skills and higher academic achievement.
• The link between spanking and behavioral problems and crime.
• The extent to which spanking is declining and why most parents continue to spank, despite the unusually high level of agreement between numerous studies that found harmful effects from spanking.

(...)

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/12/131211103958.htm

This in itself reads (from the language used and recommendations) like a pre-bias research work.

Is there anyway you can find out how there research was performed?

I would want to know:

What kind of spanking (and under what circumstances it was applied) was used in their study?

To what degree is the risk increase of "criminal behaviour"?

How does it slow down "mental development"?

What are the risks they identified for non-spanking?

What are the benefits of spanking?

What other associated factors influence their identified outcomes and what weightings were applied to these?

Chiamaka01:
No, you're not making any sense, paying the bride-price is compulsory if you want to get married according to traditional customs, but polygamy isn't, so there.

Oh, so because the bride-price is compulsory, you insist he has to pay that but you are not being sold?

Please make sense and tell me whether your traditional customs does not make it compulsory:

- for you to submit to your husband and be inferior in the relationship (like submit to his wish of a second wife)

- for you to obey him and let him make the decisions (like what name you take)

- for you to be a virgin upon marriage, and if you are not, you have to confess to your mother-in-law and other of your husband's female family members who all your previous sexual partners are.

- for you to be indirectly married to his family, not just him.

If so, how come you are not planning to do those or how come you are not insisting on those?

Please make sense when you respond.

Chiamaka01:
Polygamy isn't compulsory, there's no law in my culture that says, 'a man must have more than one wife'.

It is not compulsory but there is a law banning it?

Chiamaka01:
The payment of bride-price is a marriage rite, i'm not surprised people like you see it as a business deal.

What is a marriage rite? Why is it necessary?

Why don't you see polygamy and taking your husband surname as a "rite" too?

Abi your culture never had those?

Chiamaka01:
You said earlier that none of us can define marriage for the other, but you call my definition, "meaningless"?

I said your definition was meaningless based on the general applicability you initially claimed it was.

That was why I called it a meaningless platitude.

If you choose to define your marriage as that, then that is your business.

Another meaningless platitude people use is "marriage should be for life". The only "life" I know is the type they give in American courts for gruesome murder. Even in the UK, Life means like 15-30 years only.

Chiamaka01:
Hmm, my dad can answer that.
Yes, i won't. My husband can't decide that because i am not a sex slave. He will see reason with me. He's not narrow-minded as the men you surround yourself with.

You are not a sex slave but you insist you have to be bought since it is "your culture"?

Chiamaka01:
You're contradicting yourself.

How am I contradicting myself?

Chiamaka01:
Okay, fine. How would you rather define marriage?

My definition of marriage is my business with whoever I engage in one with. Just the way your definition of marriage is your business with whoever you engage in one with.

You don't and can't define mine for me, and I don't and can't define yours for you, except you are marrying me. That would make you the luckiest woman on Earth by the way.

Marriage by law is merely a mating association registered with the local authorities because it has some value in the society's configuration, based on the values that local host society desires.

Beyond that (registration), it should not be the business of the authorities how the parties in it decide to enjoy it as long as no physical restraints or violence is used.

All that "marriage is a contract" is just meaningless platitudes you have heard.