soma042:


Thanks for your concern it's really bad here, just came back for Christmas after 5 yrs no change has been sited accept for electricity that was fixed barely last 2 yrs, the roads here undecribable worst pathetic mood,since i was born every five yrs interval they will come with there usual farm tractor to make way for dust and they will deceive us with the so called grading .I'm very sad for our govt. esp. pdp who we have plaged our allegiance with for past 18 yrs yet this community have been crying for help till date.
I'll try to make enquiries about the people you just mentioned and send your regards to them.

Thanks.

I tried to send you a private message but could not. Hopefully on my next trip to Nigeria will try to Visit the there.

I will appreciate if you can get the numbers of both or any of the Johns please.

This is very sad.

I served in this Village 15 Years ago, and if you think it is bad now then imagine how it was 15 years ago. When i got to this community via bicycle as the mode of transportation then, the first question i asked was to GOD and it was GOD WHO DID I OFFEND?

No Electricity, no Road, No Water,nothing from the Govt. If not for the fact i knew i was in Enugu, i would have thought i was in some remote part of Chad.

And if this place is still this way this year, then that is really sad.

But one thing about this community is their ability to show love to strangers and i wish i can still get in touch with some of them.

@OP is John Okafor and John Okorie still teachers in the School there? is Wasaco still operating his barbershop? what about Ijeoma Nwatu?and her brother?

Will send you a private pm now. Would love to get in touch with anybody from this community.

Nice

@OP there comes a time when you honestly need to fight the FIGHT of your life in your marriage, and yours came early in your marriage and that is the form of PASTORS and a Gullible wife.

The pastors minding their business are not to blame, as your wife willingly came to them and I remember my dad telling me that you do not go to a Herbalist/Pastor without them seeing something to solve for you. None have ever told anybody that GO BACK HOME NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU.

A couple of things men look for in a wife even if they never admit it. A Virgin, A faithful woman and thirdly a Church going woman. I have seen men brag that their wives are the church going type, as if going to church this days now guarantee Heaven. And Herein lies the problem, as men of God these days have specialized ways in fleecing this woman dry and or some cases end up sleeping with them, or in a worse scenario even snatch them away from their husbands, while the innocent husband will continue thinking that the wife goes to church and all is well.

You can also Google a man of God in a big church in Alabama State, one of the biggest Black church in that State, that infected half of the female members of his Church with HIV knowingly and most were married women who went for counseling, and that is why @OP you need to not only call your wife to order, but also put her church activities in check asap.

A business partner in Nigeria forwarded to me, I think 2 weeks ago ,a Video of a Married woman looking for a child in Nigeria and ended up with a fake pastor who not only organized some dirty/diseased looking guy to make love to her. But also recorded it for blackmail purposes and when she could not pay anymore, the video was made public. You might have seen that video called ENTERRRR/POWERRRRRR.

If there is a problem in conceiving, then there is a medical explanation for that. The two of you should go for a comprehensive medical check. Could be low sperm count on your part, could be fibroid on her part, ovary problems or something the medical science can explain. But for you to give your wife such freedom to gallivant from one pastor to another, smacks of unseriousness on your part as a husband.

There comes a time when a husband has to wear the trousers in his marriage and @op its time you wear yours. No more excuses for your wive's way.

@op i greet you.

I can only speak from the angle of a man, a husband, and somebody who has not only being married for more than a decade, but as some one also willing to learn about what it takes to make a marriage work. Infidelity and Finances is the two major culprits why most, if not all broken marriages crash.

We can factor a lot of OTHER reasons into the two aforementioned causes of a broken home. You are angry? yes you do have a right to be angry. But going as far as locking up his clothes up, shows a little of your character. But i digress as i am not here to cast aspersions at you. There is a difference between DATING a MAN and BEING his WIFE, there are a lot of REASONS the BIBLE and the KORAN says MARRIAGE is for BETTER or WORSE.

Everybody has pride, but for men and i mean especially the HEADS of house holds have a very big pride and the consider it a very big insult that they are finding it difficult to provide for their families. Sometimes, some husbands talk about their financial problems with their wives and some? They feel ashamed to talk about and so prefer to go outside to borrow and in some cases even steal just to keep up the appearances of that everything is good while hoping their situation will/can change.

Sometimes the situation don't change and this husbands eventually have to come back home and deal with the wives they initially did not want to know their financial situations. And this @ OP is where wisdom comes in, as GOD GAVE women more Wisdom than men even if we not SAY it to your faces.

Communication: You need to learn the art/act of communicating with your husband without resorting to verbal whiplashing and/or in his good mood time, talk to him about the finances of the house hold. Encourage him to talk about his financial situation without holding anything back, and nominate to help him both in advices and deeds in ensuring he starts working towards bettering himself in the financial department, you will be surprised what and how far a husband will go if ONLY he has the support of his wife.

Do not MOCK him or compare him or your marriages to others, like some of your friends marriages as every marriages has its ups and downs, but some are good in keeping their own little SECRETS to themselves and appear NORMAL to others.


Maybe the reason he has financial situations is his level of education? tell him to get more education. Maybe its his life style? i,e drinking? partying? expensive taste in life's pleasure? talk to him about it without appearing to be bossy. Maybe its the business he is into? maybe a change of business is calling. Just try talking to him in his good time without making him useless.

So you have harbored thoughts of walking away if not for your child? let me tell you a story here.

I have a lady working for me in the domestic capacity. She is in her early 30's and have 4 kids somewhere in Nigeria. She is very pretty and she knows it, so one day the husband lost his job in the banking sector and after a few months things became really tough for them. This lady was a seat at home mom. The man took out his frustration on bottles and one day this lady just disappeared back to her parents place without the kids. The man tried to make her see reasons, but she said she was not created for suffering and so the man had to let her be. He took the kids to be with his mom in the village and gradually picked his life back in Lagos.

Trust Lagos girls, one lady saw the opening and moved in with the man and according to what she said they have a son together now and she cannot/dare not go near the man's house anymore. She lives in the US and talks about her HUSBAND and Kids every 10 seconds while the MAN has moved on without her.

LESSON: Tough times don't last and a WISE woman builds her home.

@Jidegirl long time ohh how u dey?and i hope say the family section no hot like before?had to run fi cover as the jamo will say

jidegirl12:

Hehehe Uju!!! Ah I tire for una.... una well done o! steering your wheels the way you like... where have I stated I am condemning the show !

Don't worry I know you're hanging in there for your cohorts to wake up and boost your ego awwwww there there patience my dear

Hehehehe how you dey @jidegirl?

@thecongo I was exactly 32 then and my mom was 50 then and this idiots still had eyes for her.

Kobojunkie: @Poster, if you are trying to change the plight of widows, it is required that tradition be changed, else nothing will be achieved. Currently, in much of Nigeria, women, and children are still regarded as property that can be discarded at will.

@op nice topic and it brings back memory.

Kobo's post just brought back memories and this is why a male child,preferably the first child in a family is very important.

As my name goes Sapele Don indicates,I am from the Niger Delta and in my culture if a man dies the wife or wives is share to the late husbands siblings.

So I flew into the country to make arrangements for my dads burial and at the meeting the final topic of discussion was sharing of his assets.

Dad had only one wife,my mom.

There was no haggling about his property and then they said my mom had to marry from them.

I indulged them by asking which of them wants to marry my mom?they said they will have to hold a meeting to decide that.

In a very calm deadly voice, I told them if that topic is ever raised again I will make sure the person does not live to see the next day.

They believed me.

They believed me because they knew what I had done in my younger days and knew what I was capable of doing.

I felt me and my mother had been disrespected by them bringing up that topic.

And I told them what that means was that one of them had been eyeing my mom when my dad was alive.

Next day they came to me to buy a goat to appease the gods since my mom will not be marrying one of them,gave them the money and that was it.

That culture especially among the people from the Niger Delta has to change.

In some culture when a man dies they bathe him and make the widow drink the bath water to ascertain she did not kill her husband.

These cultures have to stop and I think gradually Nigeria is getting close to that place now.

Bianca has kept a dignified widows silence while the ojukwu's siblings and some of the kids have been all over the news granting interviews and disrespecting her by calling her a forger of ojukwu's will.

And as educated and beautiful as she is, the Nigeria culture prevents her from saying anything and this culture the younger generation needs to kick against it.

The truth my brother is that Nigeria has the hottest route in the world and since we have a none existence Govt the Airlines fixes the price as they want it,and know Nigerians will but it.

There is nothing an average Nigerian can do, as average Nigerians cannot fight this monopoly and this is where the Nigerian government Air regulatory body comes into play.

The Aviation minister tried in her little ways to sanitize it but one phone call to Aso Rock,who in turn call her to change or reverse her stance has been affecting us.

Until we have a Govt that can bark and bite then these armtwisting airlines will continue taking us for granted.

They are both good countries and both abound with the same opportunities.

The only difference between the two countries is the COLD.

Cannot rate one of them better than the other.

Received in NY Nov 21st you mean?I might be wrong but I was assuming you don't need a visa through the UK or most of this EU countries any more if you have a US Visa?or a Green Card holder.

Years ago as a Permanent resident in the US I use to fly to and fro to Nigeria from the US throug Paris and never needed a transit visa.

Those well informed on these matters can comment.

Ok thanks doing it now

@jidegirl how do you modify a post or even take the post completely?not ashamed to say am not that savvy when it comes to matters like that.

Some of the things I wrote is very unlike myon so want to take them out completely.

Never insulted a woman in real life so doing it online came as a surprise to me.

Need to take the posts down.

Tell me how to go about it thanks.

@jidegirl please let this go.

All points from the sensible,hilarious,mudslinging,name callings and the dirty fights have been made on this topic and its time to let go.

But the most important thing is that the op is at peace in her home,so no need being more catholic than the pope still fighting another person's fight.

Was taking it personal before I realized that I was making a mockery of myself,so don't join those of us that have DISGRACED ourselves here already.

My regards to oga and the daughters.

Ujujoan:

It's too late to feign better person jor . . You've shown your true nature already! Carry your fake wishes waka commot abeg. She is not disposable like your wife. Her husband knows that and has settled their differences. Save your two-faced wishes!

Lol

Tiana155: Thank you all for your response, both the good, the bad and the ugly comments. The problem has been resolved thanks to my wonderful hubby, there is a sayin 'we disagree to agree' we are all at peace in my home now, my mil she is still with us and will leave anytime she wants. For those judging me you are all no better than i am. To madam Cc, jd, coogar, mac those who gave constructive advice thank you I'm sorry. i'm not crazy or a bad woman as some people said here, my mil said you are good when you make mistake and correct it yourself 'cos that what life is about. Cheers.

Happy everything worked out for you.

Everyday is a learning process and I am sure you have learnt valuable lessons on communication 101 with with your inlaw.

I have also learned one or two things from all the commentaries too.

Happy married life.

@uju words uttered cannot be taken back and uncharacteristically for me,should not have written what I did and so I apologise.

You are entitled to whatever you want to write but I am rest assured I have made peace with myself by saying I apologise.

And as jidegirl said yesterday, the family forum is for fun and nothing should be taken personal.

@uju I am not running away its just that I am neither a trouble maker or a confrontational person.

I am a father,husband and a man that knows when to take a bow from a situation I consider far beneath me.

In all honesty uju I wish you goodluck and God' success not just in your marital life but also in your personal life.

Over and out.

My apologies to all the decent folks in the family section for going off on uju.

Have nothing else to say to her than wish her good tidings in her life.

maclatunji: @Ujujoan, your immaturity is screaming out loud on this thread.

Hierarchy of Women in the Life of an African Man With His Head Properly Screwed-On

1. Mother

2. Wife

3. Daughter

4. Sister

Women always bear this in mind and don't ever forget it.

OP, Chaircover and the other lady that called people fools at the end of her post have given you the best advice. Go and beg your MIL and mean it. Apologise to both of them individually and jointly. What will you do if your MIL has no where else to go than stay with you- walk out of your marriage? I wish you the best.

Could not have said it better.

@jidegirl please ohh don't reconsider the option of not wanting a boy.

Everyday we learn and as a father of of four beautiful daughters,the oldest being Ten, this thread has just opened my eyes to what a daughter if not well guided by parents will turn out to be.

Its more bothersome since my kids were born and still live in a western world,and with the words of wisdom supposedly coming out from some Westernized Nigerian females here,will need to have a talk with my wife on how to start inculcating those core African cultures and values on my kids before they become fully Americanized.

You can tell a lot about how a person was brought up with the utterances from their mouth and from the uncouth,thuggish and unladylike ways most females here have been replying to this narrative, will tell you the kind of family they come from or how they were raised.

Took time out to look at the the profile of one of the supporters of THE POSTER DID the right thing who was claiming to be married and also a mother.

In 2009 she was single as her posts were those looking for a man to date. So she is still new in the union called marriage(if she is really married) and my advice for her is to continue having this mindset and soon she will find herself without a husband.

Some women can be a blessing not just to husbands but his family too and some can be a curse.

Praying to God to guide my daughters to have the patience,love and tolerance to deal with their future inlaws.

@jidegirl I am still continueing with my plans for the boys lol,and as soon as I come back from this job assignment in the Middle East,we getting it done.

So have you started yours?or is the THING I don't want mention still frozen?

jidegirl12: Marriage is NOT only about the man and a woman no matter how clingy they choose to hang

Marriage involves everybody, from both sides that's why it's a marriage and not meant for everybody!

If you can't deal with sh itty people and people with bipolar diseases , and unpleasant attitude think twice instead of whining me and my husband!

It's a continuous education centre where you learn about strange things as they unfolds right before your eyes with your mouth open,

BUT with Endurance and Wisdom you will deal with this like its nothing and you will enjoy your marriage and people will still respect you and your space.

You don't have to be gra gra before you get your message across!

Thank you.

@ujujoan.

Will respectably crave your indulgence not to get me involved in whatever theatrics you have going on.

You don't know me personally to say I brag,was just making a point about ups and downs in marriages which in my case was mostly caused by me.

Especially in the formative stages of my marriage,I am too old and too educated to brag as I see no reason to do it.

I was merely stating an obvious statement of fact and I also see you like confrontations a lot,again I beg you I am not into that as you can make your points without necessarily being rude,insultive,sarcastic.

I do not insult people neither do I act like I am in the market square,dancing a dance of shame.

Most times the only place I comment on, on Nairaland is the FAMILY section as I believe it is mostly for grown ups.

Please pick somebody else to do your online battles with.

@jidegirl my sister, the girls dey okay ohh. Thank you jare. I no know why this story dey touch me this way,maybe because I no get papa again and the thought say the only thing I get wey na my mama somebody go treat am like an homeless person nearly wan make me cry.

As this story pain me reach sef I don late for work lol.

Could not help but throw this in before leaving for work.

Strange as it sounds,this story really bothered me all through the night in a way I still can't place my hands on.

Men should be very careful about who they make their wives.

From some of the commentaries I have been reading from some of the females here I am assuming (A) they are either not married (B) divorced and happy to cheer another woman towards a divorce (C) simply to young to know the definition of MARRIAGE and everything it encompasses.

Just imagine a commentator saying after telling the husband and mother inlaw her feelings and nothing is done,she will explode.

I read that line and looked at my family across the breakfast table and cannot but bless God for my family.

Just celebrated my eleventh(11th) year wedding annivesary and so can semi-authoritatively talk about marriages,the intrigues and the behind the scene not too pleasant happenings.

Has my marriage been perfect?no.

Who is the chief culprit?me.

I had three weddings(church,registry,traditional)andat all the weddings,the same sermon was preached to my wife by the people joining us in our holy matrimony.

And that is KNOW now that by getting married to him,you are also getting married to his FAMILY and the wife should not only consider herself to be a WIFE but also a DAUGHTER.

Again let's go back to the posters narrative.

She got tired of her mothers inlaw constant complaints?but she could also be your mom,and I am sure your mom sometime while growing up complained about somethings you did.

Did you get FED up with your mother and start throwing a fit?

Wives comes and goes, but mothers will be the same and until you realize that mothers will always be in their son's life permanently,then you will keep having problems in your marriage.

Again,this brings me to the question of what kind of marriages people get into this days.

A marriage based on love and mutual respect not just for each other,but by extension to the extended family will always stand the test of time.

Apparently the posters husband's did not see this fiery part of her before making her a wife,as no man will sanely make a woman a WIFE that with total disregard to decorum,start insulting HIS MOTHER in his presence then use the work place stress as an excuse.

For the SINGLE men reading this. Please and please know the kind of woman you want to make a wife.

In this case the husband willingly or unwillingly got married to this woman,so should deal with the consequences.

Wow.

Honestly, woke up my wife to come read this article.

Thought I had read everything that
Could be read here but this takes the prize.

@op God has given you a good husband,as a lot of women after throwing this tantrum,in total belittling and insults to not just the mother inlaw and husband would not only be husbandless in a jiffy but might not even sleep in that house that night or maybe forever.

Sad to say but there is an Urhobo proverb(Ashawo wey go husband house na holiday she dey because sooner or later she go continue)so goes this character you just displayed,as something tells me even when it is settled there is a probabibility of you not just doing it to his mother again, but other members of his family.

We are talking of his MOTHER here.

Not his step mom but his biological mother,this is indeed very sad.

Mothers especially in the African context have been known to overstay their visits,and if you as the wife becomes uncomfortable with her,then have a private discussion with your husband.

Marriage is tolerance. Marriage is patience.Marriage is endurance, Marriage is about compromises, but most importantly marriage is about sacrifices.

Let's assume you came back from work stressed up, does it justify your letting go of your pent up anger at her?telling her to LEAVE YOUR HOME in the night?YOUR HOME?thought you and a husband lived there together?

If you have worked long enough in this life then you should REALIZE you don't bring your work,or its accompanying stress with you home.

A home is a place of rest.

Whatever happens at your work place should have remained there.

Let's say if all the Policemen who engage Armed robbers in a shootout everyday,and stare death straight in the eyes decides to bring their STRESS homes,what do you think will happen to their families?but they still maintain a semblance of sanity.

Your job is not as stressful as theirs.

Bad news here is that no amount of apology can change the way things are now.

Son and mom might pay a LIP SERVICE that they have accepted your apology but trying to kick your mother inlaw out confrontational,is an insult that will run deep in any respectable family.

What would you do if you hear that your brothers wife insulted your mother this way?

Every man deserves a wife befitting him and I wish your husband luck.

One of the very rare moments I am actually upset about reading anything online,so will just go back to bed.

This is the family section and honestly speaking(I might be wrong)I was under the impression that most people here are happily or unhappily married.

But sometimes the replies I see here to some posts leaves me more puzzled and confused than an Economics student given an Engineering exam to solve.

Are we talking about the father of the kids here or a boyfriend?and if she wants to travel with the kids to her village who would she be answerable to?would the kids also be safe with her?so let's take a cursory look at the scenerio unfolding here.

A young couple got a divorce where kids are involved,and from the former wife's point of view the marriage broke down because of his late night comings.

Now,there are THREE sides to a story(YOUR SIDE,HIS SIDE and the SIDE OF THE TRUTH)but that is basically irrelevant now,as we cannot jump into logical or illogical conclusions on what actually happened.

But for a whole family to hate a woman means there is more than meets the eyes.

Usually when kids are involved the ex-husbands family or some of them tends to be soft to the woman because of the kids which they consider their own.

@op before marrying him I am assuming there was courtship.

And then there was the marriage proper where you guys lived as couple before the relationship went south.

So you should be in a better position to know him better than we contributing here,so having lived with him you should be able to tell what kind of man he is or even if he is the type that will have a malicious intent taking his kids to the village.

I know divorce is bitter and most exes(males/females guilty of this)use their kids as a bargaining chip to spite the former spouse.

But what the embittered former spouses don't realize in the blind rage of annoyance or rage is that the kid(s) needs the other in their lives to not only have a balanced life, but also more importantly have that fatherly or motherly figure in the lives.

So why can't a father take his kids with him to his village?

What if you refuses him and he decides he wants no part in the lives and this kids grow up without knowing their father or getting that fatherly love what will you explain to them?

A lot of the contributors here have said don't let him have the kids.

One have even gone as far as given you an example of a kid that died in the village just to add a little spice to it.

But advices like that are easily given especially if it is not happening to them.

Mine is simple.

Let the dad have his kids and take them to the village,he has as much rights as you that wants to keep them and so far he has not deprived you from doing that.

And until he does sometime contrary the present status quo on ground, then you can have legitimate reasons to deny him his wishes of taking his kids to the village.

Do not get your kids involved in whatever cat and mouse game you and the ex is into,as they should be considered a neutral area.

Somebody even suggested that you should be a chaperon or send another adult to be with the kids when his dad takes them,is that writer serious?a wife sending somebody to monitor a dad be with his biological kids?seriously?as if the dad sends somebody to monitor the ex-wife everyday the kids are with her.

Never deny a father his rights to be with kids and how he wants it.

And as a last note.

Being a single mom or dad anywhere in the world is difficult(forget the lip serving single parents that are quick to say I don't need a man/woman in my life)open ther heart and you will see the pains,bitterness,shame,loneliness,stigma of being tagged a divorcee,and a wish they had right the problem in their marriage when they had the chance.

The road ahead will be rough and tough and I honestly wish you luck.

But let the kids be with their father in the village.

A very educative piece.

This is HANDBOOK 101 on the things to check out for when buying a land and it does not apply only to Lagos.

A former university course mate of mine has been on me to come buy a Co-operative land in Asaba for weeks now for 2 million naira.

Although have not seen this guy for more than 14 years since graduation,back in school I knew him to be an honest guy,but people change and another reason I am a little hesitant is that Asaba is close to Onitsha,and the cross border robberies/kidnappings there are stuff of legend.

I have repeatedly asked him if he sure about the land and his answers have been in the affirmative,but there is too much money in Asaba for a land to be available for 2 million Naira.

Your write up just helped me make the decision now not to get involved in this land matter,especially as I can not be leaving my diaporan location to be coming for a fight over a piece of property in Nigeria.

In my tenant days in Lagos before leaving I usually get places through JIDE TAIWO and was thinking of contacting them again in some few weeks when I come home,in respect to a land but after reading your article will have a talk with you first.

Meanwhile, I don't know how this private email thing service works here but would like to have a mutually benefiting conversation with you as regards advices for a property in lagos.

Last time I dropped my email here I kept getting a million business proposal a day,so please what's the best way to get in touch with you?

Be kind to leave a number or bb add on here thanks.

Very educative write up and I am printing it first thing in the morning pronto.

Leave a contact number here asap.

Sad but true that a lot of people take advantage of people,but in most cases people are usually stranded and need help.

I have been stranded twice and in both cases could not muster the courage to approach people for help.

First,was in Asaba after my service when somebody gave me an introductory letter to the then head of service in Delta state.

As a confirmed kpako I quickly used the overnight newspaper van from lagos to Asaba. Got there in the morning and brought out my borrowed suit and headed there but as devil will have it she travelled and I had to stay in one hotel(hotel fee was not planned)by morning I was broke and to add insult to injury I had not even left her office when my C.V was shredded.

See me for Asaba motor park wearing a borrowed suit without a kobo,looking at the best person to rag,but that was my least problem as I was very hungry. At the end of the day it was the agbero chairman I took my problems to and he helped me back to lagos,since then agbero people can never do wrong to me.

The ph own is a story for another day.

Some few weeks back my collegues at work took me out on my birthday, and in front of the joint a well dressed white woman approached the group begging for gas money. All my american co-workers refused her a dime. I was the only one we gave her money(I was called a sucker)but this guys don't know my history or that I have been in her position before.

Though people take others for granted but I will advice if you can afford to give,do continue giving as you might just be saving that person in a way you don't know.

There will be days when people play a fast on on you,but as they say in nigeria (your good no go kill you)

Does anybody knows if the passport office in Ikeja is operational now?I know it was closed down some years ago.

Will appreciate a response from anybody in the know.