₦airaland Forum

best advice is to take it slow. be patient, don't rush.
You cant choose whom you fall in love with, but you have to understand where this guy is coming from. let him sort out the issue of his girlfriend or ex. Don't manipulate him or give him advice based on what to do. Let him do hat comes from his heart

Maybe you re only infatuated with this guy, it happens sometimes, the love may wear out eventually. so just take things slow and let things happen naturally. remember guys run away from desperate, possessive, attention-seeking girls who don't seem to have their own lives.

' Make a guy work hard to get you, not work so bloody hard to get a guy'
Good luck

@ poster,

you have wooed a girl for over a year
and she hasn't said yes at all? Im sure you have bought her gifts and stuffs too which she probably took but still said no??
I think you and I both know the answer to your question,
Leave her alone. she is truly not interested. If a girl is a little bit into a guy, it wouldnt take her half that long no matter how hard stone headed she is. Girls are not that complicated.

I feel a bit sorry for you though cause you seem to have wasted a lot of time which you could have invested in someone better, and who is more into you, and who will appreciate what a genuine guy you are.
Dont worry, no matter how much it hurts that she has rejected you, move on and find someone else.
I dont see any changes in the future on her part if it took that long, sorry

Goodluck with the next search

wow
are you sure you have a "RELATIONSHIP" with this girl?
If you do, she shouldn't in the first place be asking you for advice regarding another dude who wants to marry her? Where is her love and respect for you? It seems to be she doesn't take you seriously enough as a 'boyfriend'
Im also surprised you told her to go with her heart blah blah blah. Don't you love this girl? why do people take love for granted? You want to give away someone you care so deeply about just like that?

She expected you to assure her that you love her, and would want to be with her all the time, that you cant handle her being with another guy, you should be firm about your feelings. If you were my boyfriend, id take it you re not that serious about me or you'\re probably not manly enough. A real man who is in a real relationship will step up, act like one.

Its not too late, you shouldn't sit and fold your arms and act like this doesnt matter, it does (if you truly love her) Let her know how you feel, that she cannot have someone else, that you will be there for her. call her, plan a date and discuss this with her, and let her know exactly what you have put on this topic, how its bothering you.
I promise you if she's re assured of your love and she also 'TRULY' loves you, she will ignore the other guy and focus more on you

@ seyenko,
I'm not sure about that. I don't know if it matters that its better for a black girl to date a white guy than the other way round, but I see a lot of black guys with white women some even get married, though very few.
In saying that, No one can stop me from visiting home or going whenever i like, that's something one has to talk about and be clear about with each other before getting married. we have gone way past that anyway, and I believe that we have mutual respect and understanding for each other and the relationship

@gabry, Im surprised you are asian (malaysian). I have a few friends from malaysia here. I have visited there before as weell. They re really nice people. How come you speak good pidgin english and also some yoruba? Your partner must have taught you a lot huh? Do you live in Nigeria and are you guys married?
To your comment about everyone coming from AFRICA, YES ITS 100% TRUE! if anyone counters/argues that fact, refer them to me, and I will guide them to the right sources

Your point is?

There is no difference. Even if na him village man she marry, if they are nt compatible, she will not be happy.

And about her countering everything said, have you forgotten she is biased? This is an agelong desire and cannot be easily changed. So be sure she will be biased towards those post that seem to encourage her.

@agaba123,
Thank you very much!!! Couldnt have said it better myself!
I wonder why people dont understand one single fact. No matter whom you marry or be with, be it black, yellow, african or white, if it will be, it will be, if not, there will be heartache. There's millions of unhappy couples in Nigeria, cheating partners, lieing, fighting, etc. Does it matter what color?
okotie, if you marry a nigerian woman from your tribe, and you re not happy in the long run or you re not very compatible, it will end in disaster, so I believe that one's happiness matters most.

@JJYUO.

Thanks, of course you nailed it. what will be will be regardless of where you re from

ATREUS has said it all!!!

I think the best option would be the eye candy who isnt yet tested.
At least you can teach him a thing or two
I wouldnt wanna go for the player cause he's been with way too many women
The geek, ummm no, I dont go for the geeks

YES, its bad. the earlier you stop that, the better for you.
chatting to another man, and flirting is like cheating on your husband. If you have any dignity left for yourself, or respect for your husband, you will stop, before it escalates into something bad

OP,

Thats a serious thing o. You do need to seek a very qualified doctor in that area, they might be able to prescribe you something to stop it or help you along the way

On the other hand, if you re a christian, keep praying. God is an amazing God. With faith, He heals all.

lastly, you should be honest with someone you want to get married to, no matter what. put yourself in his shoes, if he bed wets and you found out after your wedding, how would you feel? you'd feel bad that he's been keeping secrets from you, and worst of all, bed wetting secret. He may seriously consider leaving you, to be honest

be honest with him, if he loves you enough, both of you can work through it. Goodluck

@adconline,

you re right,
But in my case, I have always stressed the fact that I like white men to my parents, since I was very young if you ask me, so I havent hidden anything from them at all. They just choose to prefer me being with African man

@okotie, each to their own, I'd never criticize your choice at all, because i believe we all are different and the choices we make differ. However thanks

@ na2day

you re very funny
I have met amazing black men. I see them a lot. That's not the issue. black Nigerian men re great men, but my heart is somewhere else.

@ nene

you have made a great point. Thanks for the input,
but you left a one valid point which is the most important and basis of my topic,

You didn't ask me to choose what will make me happy, (other posters did). In the long run, being with him makes me happier than anything, this is where everything is confusing
I appreciate my parents effort in trying to fix me up with potential men but what if the feelings is not there? You cant force love

@ longesson, 

You'd better pray your gf/wife(or whatever) doesn't see your post,
She wouldn't be a 'too happy' chick if she does.

@uche

I do read all posts, and the ones that are critical have all stated why they think that it might be difficult for my parents to accept, and I do understand this as well.

To be honest, apart from my parents issue, I see no problems at all for both of us personally and with his family, That's why I only raised the issue of my parents. If thats being taken care of, then there will be no more issue, 

looooollll.
@uche

you re right!

all of them are at first. Get married then see if the "interest" is still there.  Grin Your dad is probably right
@davidylan

I was taught one thing as a child. "if you have nothing pleasant or nice to say to someone, better not to say anything at all"

Id mainly adhere to that quote here, but you talk like some black men don't beat up their women, or even murder them. If anything, white men re still more patient and understanding. I was never one to compare black men and white men  because both are great in their own way, but please, people re all different.

what do you mean his interest will change once you re married. you obviously have no idea what a great relationship/love means. getting married is just further sealing your commitment to each other, i dont think marriage will change the way we have always interacted with each other

@davidylan

What if you have been with that 'white' partner for several years and you get on really well with each other, and you live with each other

Don't generalize all interracial relationships like that. Every relationship has their ups and downs, but I don't think that if two people fall in love, regardless of their skin color, their should be any major problem for them in future.

@nene,
In regards to your questions,
Yes I did ask my parents, but they just insisted they would feel more comfortable seeing me married to a Nigerian Yoruba guy. They have tried unsuccessfully to hook me up with lots of family friends, potential black yoruba guys who re ding really well, but I always turn down their offer politely. This upsets my dad a lot, and he is even more strict and more inclined to making sure I still end up with a black guy.

But I always counter his words, and try to say good things about white guys too. My dad uses an old example which probably due to what they hear and watch in the media.

One day he said " If you upset a white guy, one day he could just shoot you in the head, and then you re gone" Like that . They seem to believe white men have temper or a case of slight mentality, lol that they tend to do bad things if you upset them, which is soooooooooo not true.

Also, he thinks once i get married to a white guy, then he will keep me away from Africa, and not allow me to visit them anymore. But again i tried to make them understand this is also not true (in my case), because my bf is very interested in africa

@nene1

Your last reply is awesome! Well said!
If some black people feel that having white partners re their greatest achievements, then those people need to check their lives well, and maybe need more security, self esteem and self-worth within themselves. Its just wrong, because we are all worthy at the same level no mater what. the only thing that differentiates us is the skin color.

That's why I marvel and just stare dumbstruck at racists  because they place too much emphasis on skin color due to their ignorance and close minds.

By the way, everyone (white black, Asians or whatever) all originated from AFRICA!

Sorry, this post is a bit racist.
Each to their own, no one can blame you for preferring black women over whites . Its your choice, but to put that as a topic-post on a forum, and to further emphasize the ugliness of white women compared to black women is to me prejudiced.

I'm a 'proud' black woman who is with a white guy. Not that its bad to love your black women, but you can announce your love for them without making the white women feel bad about themselves. How do you want a random white girl to feel if she reads all the crap you wrote. It feels to me that there is a reason behind your post, has a white woman offended you before?

If a white guy wrote the same thing about black women being ugly and stuffs, everyone would be on his neck, screaming 'bloody murder' 'racist', 'prejudiced' and all sorts of stuffs.

You don't need to attack me, I have only stated the fact, your post is wrong

That's the stupidest thing anyone one earth will ever do.
He hasn't spite anyone, but himself. Is it his father who will not enjoy sex anymore?
I wonder why people never think before they do things.
He is in pain now, the trauma which will follow will be worse-not being able to enjoy God given pleasure anymore, and worse still;

The girl he's in love with will eventually leave him. How can you be with a penis-less guy for long? stupid slowpoke!!!

@ gabry,

Im sending you lots of kisses right now!!!
You re amazing. Thanks for your story and the advice. I was born in may too, so I'm quite hard headed in regards to what I believe is right concerning my happiness.
Thanks again and I won't let go. With time, they will understand why.

xoxo

@ oyinda,

I have taken a lot of nice advise from people on this forum, so I do care what others opinions are. Anyone who is not interested in giving an opinion should not bother to write anything rather than wasting the space.

@sexyleamonn

I'm in melbourne

llllllllmmmmmmmaaaaaaooooooo.
Niaraland is funny
wowwwww

to be honest? stop searching.
No matter how old you re. Just believe, be yourself and focus on your life goals.
The right guy will come along sooner or later,

YEEEHHHAAAWWW!!!
IM motivated again.
Thanks y'all!!!

Reason why there re few good men around is because the really good men re all taken. The rest re probably still unlucky enough. You know a lot of girls prefer bad boys? That's just the way it is, bad boys make them feel good. bad boys re charismatic, full of crap, smooth words, lies and they re obviously better in bed, so the girls automatically(like robot) fall for these bad boys, thus leaving the good guys.
You always want what you cant have, so the bad boys always get all the girls, this attract girls, seeing he ha a lot of girls at his beck and call, making them fall more in 'lust' with him , until he uses and dumps them of course.
That's the cycle of life, i don't think it can change.