₦airaland Forum

hmm!!
Anybody interested in sharing my lunch?

Jolof rice with shrimp served with chicken and salad.

oops empty post - modo, please delete. thnks!

I think I got it to work,
Thanks again Tessybaby. Hubby was more than happy!

Yes mama I made ndole.

Tessybaby It turned out really good except that I thought that the groundnut were kinda over grounded (I used my blender). My husband ate it with rice (he eats everything under this sun with rice lol), I ate my own with plantains. My pics are to heavy my computer says so tryin to figure out how to get the on here.

Tessybaby,

Sorry I only saw your reply now, I dont really use messenger anymore we can def use the chat on skype if thats ok with you whenever we happen to be online at the same time. I'm a lot on here on and off thoughout the day (I read way more than i post). Leave ur skype login if u have any. Thanks for being so available!!!
Blessings!!!!!

My sista, food is good but this your own pictures over pass. lol.

Tessybaby!!!!!!
You are killing us ooooo,
So you too are fond of taking pictures of good, delicious food and posting hein? Dont worry I'll give you your own share you will see. I have a food album on my facebook page (here is the link http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.510047355459.2019376.160801294 ) but it's a few years old now. I'm collecting pics right now lol.
Merci beaucoup pour la recette du Cornshaff. I honestly thought it would be harder than this. Now that you are hooking me up like that i dont know lol. My husband doesnt like to eat out in general and since I cook a lot he is usually pretty happy, but with that I'm guaranteed it wont even eat anywhere else.
Would you (whenever you have time, I dont I have asked alot already) share the recipe for koki?

thank you ooo Tessy, you are such a blessing! lol
His favorites are really Eru and achu. He likes Ekwang koko too, but that one looks like a challenge that I am willing to take, i'll just make sure I have absolutely everything I need. I also want to try to make Cornshaft (i dont know how to spell it); I have eaten it before but I have never seen how they cook it. He also likes kwakoko bibo (not sure how it is written LOL; dont laugh ooo, I dey try). I think thats all I can think of for now. My aunt brought me some good eru from back home (cameroon eru and ours is exactly the same) so thats what I am making today with oat fufu and good glass of chilled guiness for him. lol.

Tessybaby where are you and how have you been?
Well I hope. Well I have good news. My fiance and I just got married last aug 20. It was a fun simple and pretty traditonal wedding. This means that I will be needing some of your help. I'm good with eru and egusi. I'm a good cook or so I have been told by most ppl so I think I will more help just with cameroonian dishes. Ndole seems easy to make but never done it from start to finish by myself. Same with achu. When I'm ready I will let u know exactly what I have (u know its not always easy to get all the ingredients over here) and will review the recipes u already posted on here. Thanks for being such a sweetheart!

Its funny we have the same marriage date! I got married to my now lovely husband on aug 20 as well. Wish you a happpy married life. Make your husband ur priority and ur best friend. Consult him in all things. And if you ever have to take the lead as his trusted partner make sure u do from behind. Would love to speak with u in a year and share our journey! May God bless you and your new home.

My surname means "the one who reigns". It was originally my grandfather's middle name but things got mixed up with administrative paperwork and it became my father's last name and our last name.

I know exactly what he makes and he knows what I make. Although we don't have a joint account we both access each other accounts anytime. We often lay down both our paychecks on the table and decide what needs to be done and how much we can allow ourselves on more frivolous things if needed. Most of my income goes into the upkeep the home and the food (as I cook a lot and we have people over quite frequently) and our savings. He pays the rent and some bills.
My home always comes first as this is how I was raised and that is what women in my family do. But I do not hesitate to please myself once in a while as I deserve it. But I take joy in buying stuff for my other half whenever I shop for myself.
He is free to buy for himself whatever he wants and so am I but only after what needs to be taken care of has been taken care of. Communication is the key. We do not keep anything from each other. The receipts from my shopping are always laid for him to see just as he asks me to see and try on what I have bought and gives me his opinion.

I moved out at a few days after my 19th birthday. I traveled overseas for college and I have not gone back since then. I have always lived alone since then (it got really lonely at first and depressing esp in a foreign country with no family to give you nay guidance but I would do things exactly the same should I do it over). This experience made me into a strong, independent, autonomous working woman at 24.
I just surrendered the keys of my apartment last month to come and stay with my aunt for a month and a half as I prepare for my wedding. Moving in with my husband in 2 weeks right after the wedding.
I thank God for his protection; He kept my mind in the right place even with the many temptations around and helped me to stay focused on my studies until I graduated. My husband know he has a strong woman by his side and should he stumble I can be his crutch and take over as he breathes and gets back up.

philipine:
H mm African marriage  doesn't allow individuality @ all. You have to bury what ever you might feel and follow your husband . If you don't  your hubby might get a girl on the side and all that,  In my marriage my husband comes first it makes me sick to my stomach. However, l try to show what l feel it turns all sour!

Maybe it is generally seen as such as in, the culture and the general view and opinion of marriage in the african mind, but in reality I don't think we should quickly generalize. Burying what you feel is not necessarily exactly equal = losing your individuality. I just think that's too simplified. Personalities, characters, circumstances and many other factors weight into the husband-wife dynamics. I know and have seen many husbands who encourage their wife in the things that they like to do/are good at doing, whether it is a business, studying, some type of a craft etc. That is supporting one's uniqueness and individuality.
Marriage is the ideal medium in which you are supposed to feel and be yourself, and feel comfortable enough to express your feelings (depending on your character and how assertive you are). Now if your husband prevents you or exerts a psychological pressure that prevents you from expressing your feelings then there is a BIG issue and I do not think that most african marriages are like that. A lot of african women are strong, mature women who submit to their husbands by choice and out of being wise, not because they necessarily are weak/weaker. My mom always told me (when I used to get angry at her for not responding to my dad when he was saying things that were out of line in our presence), that she stays quiet out of strength (it takes more strength and discipline to not say anything and be the bigger person) not out a weakness, she would hum christian song and that would calm her down, while he is was yelling but she would never respond and let him keep making a fool of himself until he got tired and realized she wasnt even listening. And she is the type of woman that is very straightforward and speaks her mind; except she knew when and how.
One has to be able to choose one's battles. What is most important to you? If your husband loves you in a healthy way and cares for you, he will support you and help build a safe and balanced environment in which he is only a part of that environment (leaving room for friends, work, hobbies, family, church, etc etc.) And I think that is universal, nothing to do with being african.
Lastly the woman too has to know how to sell herself. You cant just say yes to your husband all the time. He has to know that you are strong, and have your own opinions and ideas. You can say no very respectfully and with a smile without it sounding like a no. Give yourself character, loving, strong, calm, firm character. But at the end of the day looking in the same direction is the goal. Choosing the right battle to find and learning to lead from behind is paramount.

St Christina:
Ha men!they do things dt pushes you to d wall, dt u feel lyk killn them,imagine a 3mnth old marriage,wont blame sm women who turn their husband 2 mugu!

I tell you oo. But in all things you have to take a deep breath, take yourself out of the situation and listen to wisdom while making the best decision (with the best positive long-term consequences) for yourself as woman and as a person. That does not mean that one has to be door mat. But like you said men do things sometimes that just makes the worst side of women come out.

kandiikane:
You what I am eating a lovely food here and I plan on having a lovely time eating it so just thank your stars for that.
Maybe after I have finished I might come revisit your post again.

Thank my starts huh? LMAO.
Have a lovely time eating your food as you planned. Some peeps have good/expensive food but can't eat coz too many things on their mind so please enjoy ur meal  

kandiikane:
Im sorry what is your business? Was the comment directed to you? So the woman should stay and suffer in a marriage where the man commits adultery for the rest of the marriage? He was cheating way before they married and will continue to.
The innocent baby? Go for another 7 or 8 months with the pregnancy and suffer even more? Please I want you to google naive before you open your fingers to type bullshyt on other people's part. If you are against abortion that is your own business. I rather she abort the child and leave than leave with a baby and find it hard to find a man who will accept her and the baby or find it hard to afford for her and her baby.

If she married 3months ago and maybe 1 or 2months pregnant the baby is either still cells or the size of a kidney bean.

Do not ask me about my family history or loved ones no concern to you on that part.

Constructive advice you would like to hear? Like stay and endure he will stop cheating? Please, wake up and smell the coffee love, he will continue to cheat.

Many women can get over an abortion.

Your advice is very immature. If you are a man you have no idea about what women feel before/after an abortion or the consequences to their psyche. Not typing any "bullshyt".  And not it does not make it any ok to know that the "baby" is just "cells or size of a kidney bean" like you said. It is a life that is alive and growing and your advice is killing it. WRONG. Period.

I did not say she should stay and suffer but the baby has nothing to do with it. There are ways to stand you ground as a woman without necessarily walking away from a marriage after a few months. If she had tried to talk to him, and understand what is going on in that man's mind like other wiser people suggested on here with no change, then divorcing would be more plausible.

She just found out, let her try to fix it first; it says better or worse and this is "worse". Marriage is not a child's game.
And yes, many good women with kids find true love and respect from a man that loves them and accepts them for who they are with their kids. Even if she was to get divorced, she can find a good man (granted that it might be more challenging). That life is going to get more difficult with a baby is NO reason to kill that baby.

kandiikane:
What will talking solve? if he cheats right in the beginning of your marriage you are in for a lifetime of cheating and dishonesty. .I say abort that child and walk away, its not too late

Kandiikane did u just say abort? WTF? Do u realize the kind of advice that you are giving to somebody who is already in an emotional weak spot Why killing that baby? The innocent baby? Like for real? Are u actually serious? So if i understand correctly your solution is killing the innocent baby and divorcing? Have you ever been married? Do you know what marriage is and what it entails? I'm sorry but as much that anybody is free voicing their opinion that is a very very immature advice (not sure how old you are), devoid of all if any wisdom whatsoever. I hope that is not how you advise people that you love and that you care for.
If you think somebody can just decide to murder a very gentle innocent life, and just move on, then you must be very very naive. You have no idea of the scarring on the conscience of women who have aborted; it is heavy with emotional pain and never be just "forgotten"
If you dont have any constructive advice, something that is encouraging and that builds up, then better not say anything

bimbo16:
moi aussi

pareil pour moi. French or rather what they call "franglais" or "frenglish"; a mix of french and english. Sometimes my mother tongue but very infrequently.

wedapeople:
Why are Japanese Names Similar to African ( Nigerian ) Names?
Any history behind this observation?

Example: [b]Chikafumi Hodo - TOKYO, June 13,  http:///kjE7Og
Chika --(Igbo)
Fumi----(Yoruba)

My mom's maiden name is Kioka and yeah in the west they often expect to see an Asian woman instead of an African one (she is not nigerian).

Changing or not your name to your husband's depends on several factors. But what is sure today is that we (africans) have diluted some of our culture with western concepts. Back in the days at least many african cultures women kept their fathers name even though they were identified "wife of X". And this had nothing to do with inferiority/superiority complex or not untying the knot with her family. My mother and (all her sisters) kept the same name on the official documents that she had before she got married, but was known, called and referred to as "Mrs X". Only a few years ago did she had my father's name to hers because she was getting a new passport and it was easier that way, administrative-wise. I know many other women from many other different places in Africa who do the same thing: only Add their husband surnames to theirs. So I'm not sure how it is specifically for nigerian women.
I am getting married soon I am just adding my husband's name to mine (my current family name will become my middle name). I feel that I still need to be able to be traced back to my ancestors for 1 even though I "merging" with another lineage, and also I have a tone official documents/records that would need changed. It's easier if it's all traceable (especially those of us living in the West where having your name spelled right is already a challenge, imagine changing/adding to it).

English speaking cameroonians will tell you that Cameroon is part of West Africa (the culture of their people being more similar to the Nigerians ethnic groups living closer to the border) and French speaking cameroonians will tell you it is a central african country (food, language and culture again being closer to those of central african bantu ethnic groups).
I have always thought Cameroon was geo-politically in Central Africa, I "learned" otherwise being in contact with anglophone cameroonians. It is a matter of worldview and perspective. I still believe it makes more sense that it'd be associated with central africa.

Where I am from it could be anywhere from $500 to $5000. There specific items that are always required and then some cash.
My cousin brideprice 4 years ago was $1,500 including $750 in cash and items worth $750.
The items usually are the results of 2 lists combined. The first list is the one established the girl's paternal family called the "father's list" and the other one from the girl's maternal family (the girls uncles on her mom sides establish that list, its called the "uncle's list)
Basically it includes items to dress completely the father, the mother and the uncle (scarf, wrapper or lace, shoes, purse, jewelry for the mother; suit with belt, socks, hat, for the father and the uncle;  a lepard cover, rice, oil, a lamp, kola nuts (depending on the culture), cases of beer/liquor and palm wine.
My other cousin just did her traditional wedding this past weekend and they asked 3,000 euros total. Actually they asked more than that, but in my culture you are allowed to bargain to a certain extent, citing the qualities of the future husband, and the father of husband (who is a Frenchman and would not let my people abuse him in the name of tradition  ) practiced exactly that, and they agreed on 3000 euros.

PS: my cousins are both in their mid twenties, pretty, and educated  

Oh and I forgot, $50-$150 when the guy introduces himself to the girl's family (through a letter always first, then in person), and then another $100-$200 and a case of beer/half-dozen of bottles of wine at the time of the formal introduction (during which the guy's family come to get the "list" that has been prepare and the guy brings the engagement ring - thats the official engagement.

($60 came with the letter my bf addressed to my father) - will see the other amounts. But I have warned them severely not to even try to make money off of me. My bf is a good man who has helped me alot so they should not even try.

Somebody should ask Mr Seun

throttler:
always out to protect their women from eyes while the men collect those women in fives and more, like old volkswagens. all the new laws are always how to supress their women. thank God i aint, i would have committed husbandcide a long time ago, and prolly been killed a long time ago too.

@post

that burqina looks horrid, and its prolly intended to drown the woman

You post is very stereotypical. I do agree that there are some extremists but believe me they are the minorities (unfortunately they get the most publicity). Many of these women choose to wear the veil or not. I grew up with many muslim friends who decided to wear the veil it while their mum/gdma or other siblings never wore it. The veil represents to them more than just a covering cloth that we, non-muslim may see. It represents an ideal that they are trying to attain - and that concept should not be hard to understand if you are serious/practicing christian. Many are very educated and ambitious, some doctors or businesswomen who are very independent with a strong personality and wont let nobody step onto their toes.
Please DO NOT mix/confuse Religious and Culture. Some cultures are very oppressive of women and the fact that they happen to be muslim gives an inaccurate reading of the religion. Senegal is about 90% muslim and has the highest percent of professional working women in all of subsaharian Africa.
Thus said, I agree with the idea that a lot of those men from repressive cultures allow themselves plenty of room to have fun and hide under the cover of religion.

PS: I am a strong, practicing born again christian who just hates stereotypes.

tEsLim:
Well you are in hot soup when you cant hold an intelligent convo with your spouse. I'm in that poo , you will turn to ebuddies and chat mostly with friends online and over phone. The house becomes very boring need to run out at any opportunity to hangout. Funny enough you can have very interesting kids they are more exciting to talk to than their mum. Mum is just a robot that can cook, do few other things. And no intuition , instinct to make variables or do things differently just one way routine unless told otherwise. Whenever she feels like talking repeats old convos and questions thinking that would start something but damn annoying - I hate human-bots. But them get their advantage you will never find her in a place out of her routine lol. You can predict her for the next 30 years unless something crazy happens.

you are soooo funny lol! Sorry for ur luck. I know a few people (mainly african women) like that. I guess everybody is wired differently, it stills amazes me how ppl can do the same thing over and over again and not ever get tired. Talk abt the same stuff, cook the same kind of food, visit the same people, do the same thing every sunday, every christmas, every new year of every year

Why would you take a loan to get married? Doesnt make any sense to me. Do what you can with what you have or wait a little bit. If its meant to be then it is and if they both love each other they will wait for better timing. I would say use your mind. If the guy doesnt have a job and is dependent on other peeps then def wait. If you have a little bit then do what you can at your level. We are getting married and are following exactly that advice. Any money we save will be to settle the way we want to and not to be blown up in a couple of hours. I know some people who have divorced and are still repaying the loan they took to get married.

Absolutely ridiculous. thats all i can say.

beeke:
My names are Shaffer Chimere Smith, better known by my stage name Ne-Yo am an American pop and R&B singer-songwriter, record producer, and actor i was born in Camden, Arkansas, and baptized as Shaffer Chimere Smith. "Chimere" is a name originating from the Igbo language in Nigeria meaning "God's Deed". my father is African American, and my mother is of mixed African American and Chinese.
--Ne-Yo

In 2005, Ne-Yo's girlfriend at the time gave birth to a boy, naming him Chimere after Ne-Yo's middle name. Though Ne-Yo believed he was the father, he later discovered the child was not his. He is now in litigation with the child's mother

Am I the one who can't read or what? I certainly don't have a problem with a nation/ethnic group claiming as its own someone who has accomplished great things, but since posters responding are saying that Ne-Yo is Igbo, should the chinese people say that he is chinese too? At least that part of his heritage was clearly stated, 

absolutely!

As long the woman does not grow wings and the husband does not try to "compete" with his wife or try to overcompensate in other areas. Finances are finances. Attitude is everything, humility is essential and honesty is the best policy!

I am getting married in 2 months, We are alike on many aspects and different on other less important aspects. We are young, and not naive. I have worked hard for the little that I have and certainly want to keep working hard with somebody else that I can lean on and reap the benefits of that hard work together, Bracing myself for reality, and hopefully I have done my best to ensure that the fall is not going to be too hard - but at the same time I can't help but thinking that a careful, thoughtful, unrushed choice of a partner as well as the circumstances of that "partnership" would/should provide a cushion for that "hard reality". But certainly not going in there telling myself that things are going to be tough and difficult 99% of the time as people on here make it seem and that the next 40-60 years (if i live that long) of my life will be focused on the difficulties of marital life. There is gotta more to it, I mean I hope there is more to it