₦airaland Forum

Naija salad is should be BANNED! Honestly that thing with the dressing and the other medemede, You can already feel you heart clogging from just looking at it. 

Please what's potash?

@ KarmaMod
LOL, you sound like my mom with you no frying policy. EVERYTHING the woman does. . . chicken, beef, turkey is broiled and while she s doing it, expect a long lecture about how unhealthy fried things are.

My experience with bad cooking comes from watching one of those alase people cook. It was my grandfather's isi le, I was sitting on the steps watching these women cook and the one pounding the yam, paused, wiped her sweat from her face and sprayed it into the pounded yam. I swear the way I jumped up and ran to my mom, you'll think the devil was chasing me. I was talking and gagging at the same time, when I finally got my story out, my mom went to straight to her, when she finishes pounding that one, she should not do anymore and to take the one she did home for her family. My mom went into the kitchen, boiled her yam and she and my aunts made a new one. It wasn't enough but at least no one eat food with dirty woman's sweat for flavor.

My mom is always weary about giving outsiders food to cook for her, if it will take her all night to cook the food herself, she is ready to tie her wrapper and get to work

frankwizzy:
i find it amusing that sometimes the same mind that would watch, fully comprehend and appreciate a brilliant hollywood movie with captivating dialogue scenes, and acting that would leave you with goose bumps all over, would actually have the patience to go past 5mins into a nigerian movie, without getting paid to take the punishment!!

Rotflmao! I say forget using someone's car flying in the air for no reason or a man who gets shot 100 times, walking away without a scratch or woman turning into cat, then a stone as evidence that juju exists and works. The real, honest to goodness proof that there is juju in this world is  - An intelligent person watching Naija movie, feeling soo much anger, he wants to break the TV or mowing down anyone who mentions RMD's name with his car immediately after watching it. . . going back to watch another one.

I suspect those producers rub the VCDs with some "Come back again" voodoo. . . it's got to be, that's the only explanation for this voluntary punishment.

H2O2:
If it's as easy as that to get your pants and undies off, you are very deserving of the magic wand.

Oh yeah? And who is going to give it. . . wait let me rephrase that, who do they born well to give it?

To gain rightful ownership and use of her. You can think of it as paying rent to accommodate his children in her, paying for housecleaning services like you would a maid and paying for sexual services like you would a prostitute.

[I]Reaching for pants and slowly putting them back on[/I]
Oh man! I knew I shoulda waited for solid confirmation before taking these off. When will I learn not to put much stock in internet bravado?

LMAO! Okay, I gotta ask. . .  the people saying this is not true, please where are you from? Surely, it is not Nigeria. . . I refuse to believe it is Nigeria. It is one thing to defend your country people but to out rightly deny something that is true, now that is just taking it too far. I mean it hilarious to see some people who have made no bones about how deeply olden days their thinking is, like the whole taking care of the children is the woman’s job, get all up in arms about this topic.

Women over-indulged men.  .  . no ifs ands or buts about it. Right from the moment they are born, men are made to believe they are first class citizens with first class rights and privileges and their female counterparts are meant to kowtow to their every whim. God forbid a male child does something as demeaning as household chores, they act like the moment he picks up a broom, his balls will fall off and becomes a woman. These over-indulged boys grow up to be over-indulged men and heaven help their wives. We needn’t look further than our movies to see perfect examples of these inane way of thinking.


When a man cheats on his wife, who do they blame? The wife, she didn’t do enough to keep him interested, not only that. . . if she mistakenly gets upset and fight, they tell her to go beg him.

When a man brings home his second wife, they tell his first wife to be glad he is still taking care of her children.

A man does something wrong, they demand the wife forgives him but when it is the woman, everyone looks the other way and tell her she brought it on herself.

If she has the guts to speak out about the shabby treatment she receives, they tell her she is embracing the western ways. . . which in Naija speak means she does not have what it takes to be a good wife.

A woman must work herself and her feelings around the man. God forbid she makes more money, there will be hell to pay. If she take one step . . . she’ll get “ is it because you make more money than me, you did your leg like that while taking that step?” She put cup on the table a certain way. . . “you did that because you make more money than I do”. To avoid this and wanting to be seen as a good wife, the woman has to find a way to minimize her worth.

A woman's ultimate goal in life, what she was expressly made for is to be the wife of a man. . . any man and the only way to achieve this goal is to be prepared to tolerate ANYTHING. . . Alcoholic, abuse, cheat, uncaring, greedy, tight-fisted, drug addict. . .anything, she better get ready to chin up and take it like a woman, as long as she is Lagbaja's wife.

A woman who is married and allows herself to abused physically and Pyschologically, lives in misery and is ready to forego anything remotely close to peace is worth more than a single woman who is happy, at peace with herself and enjoying life and if the former gets the opportunity to die at her husband's hands. . . Oh my sainthood, nya ju ni! This is what women are being brainwashed to believe.

You know what, I think I miswrote earlier when I said we needn’t look no further than our movie. . . please ignore that, using movie is actually going too far. One click on the romance section will tell you all you need to know, I beg you to start with the topic about why it is not okay for a man to be shorter than a woman. . . Lmao! Yep, a woman’s God given height is now a problem. Thank goodness, people don’t have control over that or some women will be hacking their own legs away. On second thoughts, compared to the complexes some tall women might get from reading that crap, which make them willing to take anything, maybe hacking isn’t so bad.

I say look at the relationship a man has with female members of his family for a preview of what you life with him will be like. If they treat him like a king, like he is the best thing  since sliced bread. . . I’ll advice you to turn to your heels and run. If he is treated just like another human being who just happens to be a guy, hold on for your dear life. . . I beg you hold on. I’m grateful my mom didn’t allow her 4 boys to think the world and all its female inhabitants is their footstool. . . an act my sister in laws are enjoying right now. Coolio

[quote author=A_K_O link=topic=166499.msg2801627#msg2801627 date=1221424910]Who is brother Jero?[/quote]   
Who is brother Jero??! He is only the most popular pastor ever! Before this new crops of Pastors, there was Brother Jero. He worked on the beaches, so he had no overhead cost. He preyed on the desperate, told them he could see the future. He would listen to people as they prayed (he told them to put the devil to shame by praying out loud) then turn around and tell them what they wanted to hear. People fell for it and he had a large following, they saw his lack of material things as him being unpretentious. He had it all worked out except one thing. . . which sorta led to his downfall, See Bro. Jero liked owing people. It was such a mess when one of his creditors came down on him. Poor Brother Jero went through a lot of trials, trials he barely escaped unscathed.

That People were and still are riveted by story of theTrials of Brother Jero is a Testament to what a brilliant writer WOLE SOYINKA is. 

Sorry, OP. . . didn't mean to derail your thread. Do carry on, please.

mooretes:
omoge, I don join sharp sharp,
was waiting for this to start and well, i can't wait to do my own thing, but would take me a while need to
read my books and then consult someother stuff before putting mine down

cheers love

Abeg, please donallah, HURRY! These movies are turning my brain to mush, I need reprieve.

Movie – DANGEROUS SISTER

Category – WHEN HORRIBLE MOVIES HAPPEN TO A GREAT ACTRESS

Starring – Genieve Nnaji, Tony Umez and Dakore Egbuson

I honestly don’t know what to say about this movie or how to start. I guess I’ll take a page from Sounds of music and start from very beginning.
First the name. . . dangerous sisters, I have no idea where that came from because it had absolutly nothing to do with the movie. Genieve plays Judith who lives with her over-protective, borderline psycho father, who does everything to alienate her from the outside world.

After a disastrous birthday party, she runs away from home. She goes to her Cousin Stella’s place. Stella is a model and works for Patrick who has been trying to find a lovely, natural girl to be the face of an International company. Every time they show Patrick, this is what he is talking about, he has no other dialogue but “This is an international company and they need a natural beauty to be the face of their product”.

Of course, he picks Judith, so no need to get into that. Stella gets Jealous because she thinks she is the queen bee and the rest of the movie is about Stella trying to kill Judith.

That’s it.

What is Good? – Genevieve Nnaji, there is no denying she is a wonderful actress.

What is Bad – EVERYTHING!

Part one of the movie was GARBAGE. We had no idea what was going, it was just about her father being a brute. The first scene was him rebuking her for coming home late. Now that should have been enough to pass the message that her father is overbearing but nooo, they had to shove it down our throat with over 5 scenes lasting over 5-7 mins and the rest of the movie was Patrick talking about the International company.

Part two of the movie was SENSELESS. . . they spent the 1/3 of the movie on Judith strutting on the runway and the remaining on Stella plotting her evil ways. The movie ends when Judith’s father catches Stella trying kill Judith.

Oh my favorite part. . . how they went out of their way to make it easier for the audience to understand what is going by using songs. . . you know, just in case we don’t get it after the characters repeat themselves over and over again.

For Judith having no friends and feeling like an outsider. . . or this case, an insider since her father keeps her locked in the house, they used Dido’s song life for Rent. So every time Judith is pacing, feeling sorry for herself. . . Dido’s whiny voice sings

“I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking ^{Awww, poor little rich girl}

Judith’s father Scolding her
Are we teaching the truth in love
Telling it like it is
Are we holding pure motives
Showing that we care^{Obviously, the father is not being honest. . . I think}

When any of the girls is jealous, we get. . .
Hey, Jealousy, Jealousy is the root of evil
Some people are jealous of your success
Some people want to see you frown
Blah, blah, blah smile in your face
Blah, blah, blah stab you in the back. ^{Somebody please stab ME in the back}

When the girls are strutting their stuff on the runway
She’s beautiful , she’s sexy, she takes your breath away
The way she walks, the way she talks
She makes everybody go hey
She is the African Queen.

They used these songs every time the corresponding events were happening. . . EVERY SINGLE TIME. So the movie was more like a freaking musical than anything else.

The characters were not real, they were all too much to the extreme, no middle ground.

- Judith was too good, too innocent, too trusting. . .  Give me a break!

- The father was way too over bearing. We didn’t know if he was protecting his daughter or punishing her for a crime.

- The mother was just a shrieking banshee, making noise all over the place.

- Stella was a little okay, we understood her but they ruined it by making her go to the extremes with her revenge.

- Patrick was just an A-hole. Not sure if they were trying to make a leading man out of him because they failed miserably. He cheats on his wife with his models and when she finds them in a hotel, he runs away leaving the girl to suffer the wrath of the wife. This made it very difficult for the audience to feel anything for him, even when he was being very caring to Judith after her many, many ordeal. Because of the way he went on and on about the finding the right model, the audience can’t help but wonder if his concern for her had more to do with his contract with the International Company.

Directing – When are Naija directors going to understand that when a scene lasts more than 3 mins, it becomes utterly useless. Give us the message fast, fast and move on. Don’t let us dwell on it because it is how we know the movie is senseless.

And for the love of God, someone tell them having AN IDEA is just the first step in movie making, you have to develop it. You just don’t wake up one morning, say you want to do a movie about a remote control which controls itself, start shooting by afternoon and serve the public a movie where all the characters talk about is the self controlling remote control and then half way through the movie, when you find yourself stumped about how to make sense of things, you start talking about how the owner of the remote control was abused as a child.

This is exactly what happened in this movie, when they realized Stella trying to kill Judith for knocking her off her throne, was too flimsy, so they decided to add another layer to the onions by saying Judith’s father cheated Stella’s dad. . . no groundwork was laid out for this in earlier scenes and dialogues, one could tell it was an afterthought.

Sound - I think the music guys had issues with their sound system or they were as bored as we were with movie and wanted to get it over with quickly. There were a few times when they started the songs before the dialogue was over and had to immediately turn it off. . . very distracting, I must say.


And the absolute, most mind blowing best thing – THERE IS A PART 3!!!!

Hear ye! Hear you, NAIRALAND MANLY MEN CLUB (NMMC)

Presents its first ever PISSING CONTEST!!

And no, it isn't Pay-Per-view ^{(oh stop cheering, you cheapskates )}

[size=14pt]Doyinosin vs. Doyin13![/size]

Not only will the winner take home the HONEY BELT,

He will also have sole ownership of the HONEY NAME!! 

Come and watch the action live on. . . whenever they are done eating Machismo.

Don't miss this or you will regret it.

For more information, Pls see our girl Spiked.


Okay, as the referee, I know I shouldn't be biased but I can't help it.  I'm rooting for you. . . Doyin

@ Topic
She's at the end of her clothing cycle and she's not had the chance to do laundry. Wait. . . you didn't think it was about you? That she was giving you a "Come and get it signal?" Okay, I have to know, how in the world does a guy's brain work? Heavens! We better be careful changing our nail polish, only God knows what kind of signal we'll be sending with that.

Anyone else getting a Trials of Brother Jero vibe with this?

Mostly stupidity. . . some men are easily fooled into overpaying the bride price and after marriage, they find out that what they paid for was not worth it. Since there is a strict no return or exchange policy, they have no choice but to throw the defective bride away and go for a new one. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that they won't make the same mistake, this is why it is recommended that a man tests properly before paying.

For more information, go to www.modernslavery.com/how_to_get_a_good_slave_bride_at_your_first_go?action=2  or you can read Choosing the Perfect Wife for Dummies.

When and How the Bride Price is Paid.

1) Your soon to be husband sees you.
2) He assesses you and puts figure on what you are worth. Some men try to lowball you, that’s why it’s good to have a good negotiator on your side of the family.
3) He sends word to your family that he is interested and they set up a meeting day.
4) On the meeting, day you stand in the middle of the room. . . naked, so they can see what they want to pay for.
5) Negotiation starts, your family tries to talk up your best assets like “Look at wide back, she can carry 3 babies on it” or “look at her long limbs, make it easier for her to sweep very fast”
6) The husband’s family tries to talk down those assets by saying something like “Her wide back is not useful, we have baby pram” or “No need for sweeping, there is vacuum cleaner”.
7) They haggle for a while and when they reach a price they both like, the husband’s accountant cuts a check and flings it at your parent’s feet.
8 ) As soon as your father picks up the check, you fall to your feet and start thanking God that you have been successfully sold.
9) You are no longer you parent’s, now you have a new owner so you have to take a oath to always obey him.
10) As soon as the oath is taken, you can now go put on something to cover yourself and get ready to pack to your husband’s house.

How to pack to your husband’s house.

1) Buy a portmonto.
2) Open portmonto
3) Clean portmonto, in case there are insects.
4) Pack shirts first
5) Then skirts
6) Drape dresses across the other outfits.
7) Clean your shoes, put them in a nylon bag and put it on top of the clothes.
8 ) Put underwear, bra, scarves and shimmy in the side of your portmonto.
9) Close portmonto
10) Ask someone to help you put it on your head and viola! You are packed for your husband’s house.

For more information, check out www.modernslavery.com/how_to_buy_a_slave_wife?action=1

lonelypal:
Frm the tone of your post i smell some crushing tone, lol, i hope its not too late

Lmao! Not even! We're not like that.

iukpe:
I think the problem really isnt about budget, cost or the investment. There are some good foreign movies without much outdoor scene, nothing is blown-up,no guns, no fast cars or mansions, but a well made story.

I have seen a few movies like, detective stories- indoors only. from police office to crime scene. suspects home, victims home etc. only outdoor scenes probably outside the police station, police car pulling up outside the victim's home or suspects office or home. Courtroom movies. Horror thrillers-shot in a small outdoor camp.
Obviously these are not expensive compared to JAMES BOND, STAR TRECK AND SPIDERMAN movies.

The problem I see is the story line for Naija movies.
There needs to be seriousness and creativity in the minds of our script writers and producers.
I saw a naija movie scene once that had to do with some top cop investigation story. The detectives were on the trail of a criminal and decided to check up his data on a PC. guess what! they went to a cyber cafe to do this. As if this blunder was not enough, the detective was busy punching away on the key board presumably making entries to call up his data, with all serious looks on his face and his counterpart's, finally they arrived at what they were looking for, heads nodded.
For some reason after this, the camera man zoomed in on the screen for us all to see that it was a YAHOO website on the screen.

Rotflmao! Tell me about it, was watching engagement night and RMD's Character is supposed to be hard at work on his lap top, right. . . only for the camera to pan in and we see Solitaire on the screen. Don't they watch the movie before selling it? I guess they just they care because there are people out there willing to make excuses for them. . . this thing takes time now and there those who will tell you you don't have to like it because other people do. 

Please join us on the official  Naija Movie critique thread.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-170675.0.html#msg2798739

davidylan:
I thought i was the only one who dozed off while watching "the engagement night". The movie was more than stupid. If anyone can recommend a reasonably good Nigerian movie i'll appreciate.

]

Reasonably good Nigerian Movie?

Thinking with the Jeopardy music playing in the background.

Raymond88:
This is Nairaland, no one on here has a life.

Can you do Apama Special For us please.

Yipee, I guess I'm not alone in the no life having dept.

One order of Apama Special coming up.

This next movie falls under a category I call – WHEN BAD MOVIES HAPPEN TO GOOD ACTORS.

On the surface, ENGAGEMENT NIGHT looks like a good movie, after all it’s got RMD and Stella Damasus who have a dynamic chemistry, sadly that Chemistry could not save this movie.

RMD plays Dennis and Stella Damasus plays Janet, both so in love with each other and we know this from the way Dennis tries to impress Janet by saying kissing me in Igbo. We don’t know how long they’ve been dating or when they met but they are soon celebrating their engagement.  At the party Dennis introduces Janet to his best friend and best man Rueben, from the not so subtle eye widening, stopping in mid sentence way they both do, it is obvious to everyone but Dennis that these two know each other. They manage to cover it up and go their separate ways, Janet dragging Dennis off to another section of the party and Rueben back to his hotel room (he lives in Port-Harcout).  It here Rueben gives us the first of many internal monologues that is peppered all over this movie. So he is lying on side in the bed, elbow on the bed and chin in palm. . . yes, nothing says “Deep thought in progress. Keep Out” than the old chin in the palm of your hand move.

Internal Monologue – I have to let go of the past, I cannot hurt Dennis, I cannot. Maybe she has changed, she looks more refined. She was always a good person but for the influence of her late friends.

Late friends? Are her friends dead? Nope, he means old friend but hey. . . late, old same thing, right? At least according to Naija movies.

Moving on. . . .

On the other side of town, Janet manages to get through the party, she wants to spend the night with Dennis but because Dennis never lets his subscription to Beautiful Bridal Magazine elapse, he knows it is bad luck for her to spend the night with him because when she dresses the next morning, he’s going to see her in her wedding dress. He convinces her to go spend the night at her and she agrees, he drops her outside the gate of her house (real gentleman, that one) and when he drives off, we get our second internal monologue from Janet.

Internal Monologue – Janet, you cannot pretend everything is alright you can’t leave fire on your roof and go to bed. You can still make it there to save your future.

I gotta tell ya, at this point I finally understood why I never listen to my own internal monologues. Apparently, I’ve been doing it all wrong, I didn’t know we are supposed to talk about ourselves in the 3rd person, I mean you have to admit it makes sense; it is easy to dismiss what you are saying to yourself.

Anyway, she goes sees Rueben in his Hotel Room and begs him not to tell Dennis what happened, Rueben says he doesn’t think he can do that. You see, he loves his best friend and Dennis will feel mortally hurt if Rueben doesn’t tell him what kind of woman Janet is. I guess he forgot that even though it was internal, we could still hear him talking about letting go of the past, not wanting to hurt Dennis and how she was always a good person.

She begs, he does not budge, she yells at him for daring to ruin her life, he tells her to remember how she tried blackmailing him and for some reason I’m still not sure of, She goes into a trance, he sees that and starts shaking her. . . begging her to wake up, not do this to him in his hotel room, okay he will forgive her and not say anything to Dennis and voila! She opens her eyes and thanks him. She loves Dennis she says and he says he also loves Dennis (Oh la la, a little Bromance going there), finally everything is okay and she is happy.

He escorts her out of the room; she thanks him by leaning in to give him a peck on the cheek just as Dennis is walking up the stairs to come see his best friend. They both jump apart quickly and go all “ De. . . Dennis. . . we . . . I. .  . what” forever sealing their guilt. Yep, nothing says “We just finished boinking each other behind your back! Ha! Take that you fool” than stuttering.

Like a child whose ice cream just fell in sandsand, Dennis turns to his heels ad runs out of the hotel. Janet follows him (Rueben stands there mouthing Oh my God), guess she didn’t find him because the next thing, she is at home crying on her friend Sandra’s shoulder.  She’s not sure if the wedding will take place, Sandra does her there, there duty and they pray. The next morning, the phone rings , Sandra picks it up. . . it’s Dennis. Here I’m going to introduce a new game called – CAN YOU TELL WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS DIALOGUE?

Sandra – Hello?
Dennis – Hi Sandra, is Janet there? Can I talk to her?
Sandra – Hi Dennis. Janet is here. Do you want to talk to her?
Dennis – No. Just tell her to be at the church by ten.

Yipeee! The wedding is on, everyone is happy, they take pictures and kiss and smile and whatnot. Finally they are married and they will live happily ever after. Not so, says Dennis, he has not forgiven her infidelity and decides to punish by having absolutely nothing to do with her. They have different rooms and different cooking pot, because nothing says you don’t mean jack to a man than him not allowing you to slave over the stove for him and sleeping with you.  She is devastated, she begs and begs, he says nope, mocks her and give her the cold shoulders. . . he does this crap for 2 years! Two freaking years and she remains in the marriage, like the goodwife they are brainwashing Nigerian women to be.

At this point, you are probably thinking what in the world did she do to Rueben? Well I hope you are sitting down because this is huge! See, 15 years ago when they were in secondary school Janet got Rueben expelled by lying that he raped her.  I won’t get into the detail because it’s such a time waster, they spent the better part of the movie showing old mamas and papas in school uniform acting like twits. Suffice it to say, it wasn’t really her fault, it was her “late friends” who forced her to do this. So there you have it, the secret she couldn’t just tell her husband and be done with it, the secret she went to another man’s hotel room to beg him to keep and the reason her husband found her there.

So we have a married couple who don’t have sex for 2 years and neither of them is getting it elsewhere.

We have the most stupid of all reasons for this situation

Finally we have a group of people who can never say what’s on their mind. Seriously, we are expected to believe that not once in those 2 years did Janet get a chance to tell her husband nothing happened between her and Rueben and why she was in his hotel room in the first place?

Not once in those two years did Rueben call his friend and say “Oh boy, you better snap of it. Do you think I’ll ever do that to you?”

We’re supposed to believe throughout their dating period, Dennis never introduce Janet to Rueben, that’s why he meets her only a day to their wedding and he is the BEST MAN for this wedding.

What it boiled down to is this - The storyline was all over the place, it lacked continuity, seems like most of the scenes were stand alone scenes, making no references to old scenes. The actors didn’t have a solid grip on the characters they are supposed to be playing, is Rueben a good friend or a bad one? Is Janet a manipulative liar or a victim? And Dennis. . . who the heck knows what he was supposed to be.

The Director obviously had no direction, that’s why Rueben and Janet recognized each other instantly after 15yrs while Rueben had to jug his ex girlfriend, Sandra’s memory after only 5 years, why we had the internal monologues telling us things the actors are supposed show through their acting.

The dialogue was trash, with people saying things like “You know how to gather informations” , “My mother is late” and why Rueben kept saying Janet blackmailed instead of framing him and having a father tell his daughter things she already knows, so we can know “ Sandra you know ever since your mother died, I have been a mother and father to you and you are my only child” Hellooooooo!! Stop using such silly tricks to break the fourth wall!!

The shooting was horrible . . . you know how they show random scenes to transition to the next scene, well they kept using one scene with a car stuck in traffic.

The music. . . my God, the music was godawful! If Naijas paid royalty for every time they used someone else’s music, backstreet boys will retire happily and not have to worry about money with the way this movie used their songs.

We had senseless characters coming out of the wood work. The typical mother in law who blames the girl for not giving her son a child and gets jealous that her son gives his own wife 40,000 naira to buy grocery, the token wise man – Dennis’ father, who has all the sense the other don’t and some riff-raffs in between. . . all just to prolong the movie because they knew they were running on empty.

Dennis comes to his senses when he finds himself in a situation just like Rueben and Janet, his secretary’s fiancé catches them in a somewhat compromising situation and jumps to conclusion. I swear you could see the light bulb going off in his head. . . after two years. While he is locked up in a guardroom, our long suffering heroine decides she can’t take it anymore and want to kill herself but for the intervention of her friend and mother and it is while she’s telling her mother what happened between her and Rueben in Secondary school that Dennis rushes him, he has seen the light and oh darling, he knows the truth now and he forgives her and they can get live happily ever after. A year later she is pregnant, he is happy, she is happy they are both happy which begs the question - WHAT DID THEY NEED PART 2 FOR? I can’t answer that because I never watched.

I 100% agree with you. Are you sure you are a guy because this is soooo freaking sensible.

Wow! This is a tough one, I honestly don't know what I'd do but my first instinct will be "Heck no! Are you kidding me? So I'm not too old for the one, right?" I guess I'll just wait and see what others say. . . maybe someone will make a convincing argument for not thinking that way

[Size=7pt][I]Shaking head in sadness[/I][/size]

[I]Come to my parlor said the spider to the fly.
Tis the prettiest parlor you may ever spy[/I]

Yep, let's make it easier for her to know exactly who to target when she starts Operation Ethnic Cleansing on Nairaland. I suspect Hitler carried out a similar poll before gassing the Jews.

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Give me a break! Saying it's bad is just another form of scare tactics guys use to have the upper hand. It's comes right after "Men are Scarce" and before "No other man will want you". . . Yeah, right _{rolls eye}

If you are single, enjoy it and when you get married, you enjoy that too. Simple.

What's the point of lamenting about where you are?

It's hard to forget when I see him everyday. He's my best friend, we're so close. . . people say they don't know where he ends and I start. I know everything about him and he does me. I honestly can't imagine how my everyday life would be without him.

And NO we are not romantically involved.

Rotflmao! This is hilarious and so freaking true. My aunt was celebrating her daughter’s 5th birthday, so they had hotdogs, spaghetti, Mac & Cheese and all the yamayama children’s food and one woman kept packing, as the food lands, she will carry her own. . . way before anyone started eating, even the children. They brought adult food, she went again, at this point my aunt was pissed off, so she took her to the side and kinda told to just chill, at least until after the party. . . let everybody eat now. This woman FLARED up, said my aunt embarrassed her, do they think she’s starving and it’s out of LOVE she is wants to eat.

Eat yes, not carry 10 to go plates before the party even starts.

Too funny!

munching popcorn and sipping big coke

Hmmm, wassa happening 'ere? Where's Spiked? She's not around? Hmm. . . interesting. Oya, carry on, carry on.
When do the ewus start comoting? Ah. . . don't tell me, don't tell me, I like surprises. 

Ruby, ki lo se ti wan fi change oruko e?
And I can't not believe wi pe o ma pe Acid ni yen!
Haba, ibi kibi to ba lo, oma te le eh! Sign wo lo tu need?

LMAO! Don't just subscribe, join us.

Okay, I think I'm gonna have a li'l problem coz I sometimes I brainwash myself into forgetting the names of the movies but I'll try to be as descriptive as possible. . . Just bear with me when I start saying the one where he did this and did that. Of course we're gonna to have about a million and one movies where he did this and did that but that will make funner, eh? Add a little twist to it. . . Guess which Naija Movie is this and No it's not your first 100 guesses! Exciting huh? 

Special Request - If you'd like a movie reviewed and you can't do it yourself. . . say you don't have time because you have life, a job and loved ones who actually like spending time with you, please feel free to drop the names of the movie.

Thanks

First on the chopping block is[b] REAL LOVE[/b] or as it is fondly called in my home ANNA NOW. It stars Ramsey Noah, whom I’ll sometimes refer to as whathisface, whathisname [/i]and [i]whatevertheheckhisnameis and Stella Damasus, whom I adore and respect. Sadly, I can’t let my feelings come in the way of business. So sorry Stella, hopefully in the future, you’ll be pickier with your choice in movies.

Synopsis
Rich man’s son falls in love with Blind girl.

That’s it! If you’ve been reading the Petition thread, this shouldn’t come as a surprise to you. Many of our critics on that thread (^waving Hi guys, please take a bow ) have pointed out that most Nollywood movies have an idea and the work around and around and around that idea, which is why in this movie, Ramsey Noah’s character spent the entire movie looking for her.

Okay let me start - they meet, he falls for her, something happened. . . can’t remember, he misplaces her and now he is has to find her coz his life has no meaning. Awww, you are thinking, right? Hey, I did too and I don’t have a problem with him finding his true love. It is how he went about it that had me reaching for a fork to pluck my eyes out.

They decided to do it as a montage, so the song is playing. . .

Oh the rich man looking for his blind love
Chorus - Blind Love, Blind Love.
He didn't think he'll ever fall in love
Chorus - Fall in Love, fall in love
He is roaming around the city looking for her
Chorus - Looking for her, Looking for her
Will ever find her and love her
Chorus - Love her, Love her

Since there is no dialogue right and he has to show us (the audience) that he is asking these people if they've seen his blind girl. . . because we are too stupid to get it, after he just finished telling his friend, his mother, his driver and his maiguard that he was going to look for her, Mr Ramsey Noah or whatever the heck his name is, decides to demonstrate by closing his eyes and using an imaginary walking stick to ask these random people if they've seen a blind girl. When they did it the first time, I laughed (it didn't enter my belle oh , I just laughed it) and thought "cute", then they did it again, I did "hmm" then again and again and again. . . I kid you not, they did it almost ten times, ten different days, then different cars and the scenes a freaking long. Sometimes all we are watching is whathisface turning the steering wheel, squinting his eyes to show how the love his catching him and why it is important for him to find this girl.

After every unsuccessful outing, he will arrive home dejectedly, drop his keys on the table, throw himself on the sofa, put his hands on his head in the "e gba mi" kind way and then reminisce about how they met. When he's done, he jumps up, smacks his fist into his palm and say "I have to find her, I just have to. I love her. I must find her" Sometimes his mama will come and say "Yes, you have to find her" I suspect she is the one singing the chorus in the songs because all she did was parrot the last line of other characters. Other times, it's his friend. . . Americana, who will came and say "Oh mehn, you gats to forgerrabout  this chick mehn, she's blind mehn, blind. There are other girls out there mehn, let's hit some nice clubs mehn and you will get any girl. . . mehn" and Mr. Man refusing to go clubbing and meeting other girls is supposed to show us how committed he is to his blind love. 

He finally finds her, they get married, they have issues with. . . guess who? That's right - an old ex, who is just so crazily in love with whatshisname, she will do anything to get him back, they have many misunderstanding, I fall asleep, they make up and feed each other, I get hungry and go feed myself, they fight, I go shopping. . . bought this beautiful shoes, half price too, the cutest. She cries, he cries, She gets healed by the Bible, they cry, they laugh and they live happily ever after.

Huh. Okay then.

Below is the trailer for this movie and for those who can’t watch Youtube videos, I’ll trailer it for you

Voice over – There are many definition of love but can you give an accurate definition of real love (Ay, yi yi. Can they sound any more humdrum?

(Action Scene)

Noah uses both legs to press on the breaks of his car to avoid hitting a blind girl who was walking in the middle of the road.

(Okay, it’s either Noah was sleeping while driving that he didn’t see her from yonder or The girl substituted the ability to see  with the ability to suddenly appear in the middle of the road)

Noah jumps out of his car, eyes squinting to show his anger – What the hell is the matter with you? Are you blind (Real Subtle, Noah. Real subtle)

Next Scene

Rich daddy – I want the best for you!

Noah Squinting his eyes to show his emotions – The best for me is ANNA.

Voice over – It is love ready to sacrifice everything (Now they are defining real love. Chei! No wonder the romance section is full of heartbroken people)

Next Scene

Noah strangling someone, he wants them to disappear (^shrugs I dunno)

Voice over – surmount all obstacles and accept each other the way we are. (Still defining love) He loves her but she’s handicapped Will the society ever accept their love?

Rich daddy – society will not accept your marrying a blind one (Lawd-a-mercy!)

Voice over –
Lagbaja productions presents REAL LOVE.
A movie by tamedo REAL LOVE.
Starring so, so and so REAL LOVE
An emotional tale. REAL LOVE

[flash=425,344]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj3xhGaniII&hl=en&fs=1[/flash]

Jeebus!

Welcome budding critics!
This promises to be an exciting thread because we will be critiquing NAIJA MOVIES and what is more exciting than that? Hmmm, NOTHING!!! We can't promise to be nice, nice, sweet, and cuddly, and all Kumbaya, so if you hold Nollywood Movies close to you heart, this might not be the right thread for you. . . just sayin'.

With that said. . . Let the fun begin!!!!