₦airaland Forum

Lmao! I will freeze up like a popsicle.

I'm creating the thread now and luckily I found the preview of the movie I just wrote about on youtube.

I agree. . . ONLY NAIJA MOVIES oh.

I already have a few I can NOT wait to sink my teeth into. This one with Ramsey Noah or whatever the heck his name is and Stella Damascus, I call it ANNA because that's the girls name and every second word out of everyone's mouth is ANNA, ANNA. She was blind and he spent the entire movie looking for her,  . . No joke, all he did was drive around, stopping random people and asking them if they have seen a blind girl, not a bad thing, it is how they did it, that was gut bursting.

They decided to do it as a montage, so the song is playing. . .

Oh the rich man looking for his blind love
Chorus - Blind Love, Blind Love.
He didn't think he'll ever fall in love
Chorus - Fall in Love, fall in love
He is roaming around the city looking for her
Chorus - Looking for her, Looking for her
Will ever find her and love her
Chorus - Love her, Love her

Because there is no dialogue right and he has to show us (the audience) that he is asking these people if they've seen his blind girl. . . because we are too stupid to get it, after he just finished telling his friend, his mother, his driver and his maiguard that he was going to look for her, Mr Ramsey Noah or whatever the heck his name is, decides to demonstrate by closing his eyes and using an imaginary walking stick to ask these random people if they've seen a blind girl. When they did it the first time, I laughed (it didn't enter my belle oh , I just laughed it) and thought "cute", then they did it again, I did "hmm" then again and again and again. . . I kid you not, they did it almost ten times, ten different days, then different cars and the scenes a freaking long. Sometimes all we are watching is whathisface turning the steering wheel, squinting his eyes to show how the love his catching him and why it is important for him to find this girl.

After every unsuccessful outing, he will arrive home dejectedly, drop his keys on the table, throw himself on the sofa, put his hands on his head in the "e gba mi" kind way and then reminisce about how they met. When he's done, he jumps up, smacks his fist into his palm and say "I have to find her, I just have to. I love her. I must find her" Sometimes his mama will come and say "Yes, you have to find her" I suspect she is the one singing the chorus in the songs because all she did was parrot the last line of other characters. Other times, it's his friend. . . Americana, who will came and say "Oh mehn, you gats to forgerrabout  this chick mehn, she's blind mehn, blind. There are other girls out there mehn, let's hit some nice clubs mehn and you will get any girl. . . mehn" and Mr. Man refusing to go clubbing and meeting other girls is supposed to show us how committed he is to his blind love. ^{Aww, be still my heart}

He finally finds her, they get married, they have issues with. . . guess who? That's right - an old ex, who is just so crazily in love with whatshisname, she will do anything to get him back, they have many misunderstanding, I fall asleep, they make up and feed each other, I get hungry and go feed myself, they fight, I go shopping. . . bought this beautiful shoes, half price too, the cutest. She cries, he cries, She gets healed by the Bible, they cry, they laugh and they live happily every after.

Huh.

It's is not enough that we are being embarrassed all over the world with this crappy movies, now we want to save them for future humiliation? Seriously, who have we offended? Some people make mistakes, they move on from it. . . why is it our own that has to be saved? 

I don't know about the rest of you but I refuse to subject my future children and grandchildren to a movie called "Heaven on Earth and Mercy upon us: The Love Story of a Rich Man's and a Poor Man's Daughter, who met when he splashed potopoto water on her dress with his BMW. Pt 1 -5 (or more depends on how much we can squeeze out of it)

While I understand the need for a National film library, I think we should first SCRAP, TRASH, DESTROY, DISMANTLE, the present movie industry, then start another one. . . one worthy of saving for future generation.

Now if we are talking of a Library for HOW TO NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER SHOOT A MOVIE. . . EVER!! then present movies are just fine.

Today's Word - Game (pronounced Gaa~ame)

Defination. . . 

Game = Mojo
Mojo = Charm
Charm = Skillz
Skillz = Playa!
Playa = Under G moves
Under G moves - Secretive.

Conclusion - Our Sweet faced girl wants a man with a l'll more mystery to him.

Questions? Questions? No Questions? Okay then, Class Dismissed!

Trust me, it's about Kanu. Just take a look at all of OP's posts. Kanu OWNS OP's behind, she can't stop posting about him even if she wanted too. . . which is never gonna happen.

*sniffing*
Do I smell Acid in the house? 

eldee:
Nah . . . any attempt to save her would have ended with an assault on a cop charge
I'm not ready to end up in peng or dead just because a cop was doing his job

Lmao! I bet if they included what the cop was doing as part of a pat down, there will be no shortage of people applying for Patrol cops, 97% of them will be perverts but perverts who are ready to put their lives on the line. Let's not even talk about patrol cops turning down promotions so they can keep their positions.

"What? I've been promoted? To a Detective? With my own office? Hell No! Come on! what did I do? Please give me another chance, I beg you. I'll do anything, take a paycut, work long hours. . . anything. Please! Please"

Kanu's wife was 18 when they got married, no? LMAO!Honestly, you have MAJOR issues. Why are you fixated on Kanu. . . did he steal your ball or are you the older girl he spoilt? That would explain a lot. . . a whole lot.

So what happened? After he left you for the 18 yrs old, you fainted from shock, went to a deep coma and you just came out of. . . hence the Kanu posts Eeeya!

I honestly don't see how relevant your question is to the topic at hand. . . except there is something about you and Ibime, some of us don't know.

Going on the premise that. . .

1) You are not the present President
2) Ibime is not running for VP.
3) He's not sitting across from Charles Gibson on National TV, trying to make people see and understand why he is the best person for the position of Second in command of the United States of America.

I have to wonder what exactly does Ibime's knowledge of Obama's doctrine have to do with anything? Or better still, what does knowing your doctrine have to do with anything?

No Profanity - Check
No Sarcasm  - Check
Whew!

To Satan be the shame

Bwahahaha! Me likey, Me likey! I'll start saying that now. You have no idea who many times I've had to say "God forgive me after watching these yeye movies and seeing To God be the glory.


A Naija movie Critiquing thread? I'm soooooo down for it, it's gonna take a crane to to bring me up. Okay, who will do the honors?

Rotflmao!!!

stillwater:
Lol

@ topic
Big Wuss!!!
Anyway I fight my own battles. Since he has proven to be a wuss, I'll pursue killing of the police officer all by myself!!!
It's always sweet plannning some sweeeeet revenge

LOL! You were too fast for me, I was hoping to take it down before someone saw.


@ Topic
Wuss ke? Seriously, what do you want him to do and pray tell how you will plan your revenge. . . Lizzie Borden?

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KarmaMod:
Movie's bullshit. It didnt deserve the Oscar at all. Should have gone to BB. Although I did like the score but even then BB had the best movie score that year.

I can go into paragraphs on all that is wrong with that movie.

Is it the Sandra Bullock suddenly liking Hispanic people because she's tripped and her mexican maid helped her or maybe the fact I'm supposed to believe Ludacris changed because Terrance Howard yelled at him or perhaps the fact that Ryan Phillipe is supposed to be seen as racist for defending his life against Lawerence Tate's stupid ass OR maybe the whole garbage with the Pakistani/Mexican family where the girl "saves her father with a magic cape"

WHERE DO I START? 

LMAO! Where do you start?

On a serious note, I feel you too. . . it was tooooooo freaking contrived. If only real life worked that way, huh? All professor needs to do is smile at me, give me a couple of "there, there" pats on the head and. . . voila! His racist transgressions will be forgotten, he becomes a new man, old things shall pass away and we'll all live happily ever after. ^{Awww, my heart is melting!} 

Singing

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream  

I kid, I kid. . . of course we will get there and when I say we I don't mean we as in us, I mean we in a more our great, great, great, great, great grandchildren we.

Lmao! That The Story Has Just begun" can make someone almost commit sin ooh because right after comes "To God be Glory" and it takes all the restraint you have not to say "What rubbish god be the glory??!!!" out of anger from sitting through 7hrs hours of prelude. . . or is it only me it happens to? 

Aaah! Please forgive me, I didn't mean to kill anyone, cause pain and/or tears! I certainly don't want any of you out of commision because if we going to carry out our covert mission, we will need all hands on deck!

[size=16pt]OPERATION TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT A-GO!!!!  [/size]

pie1ect:
I've just seen two movies today on "AIT moviestar". The weirdest thing is the ability of the script writers to integrate two rubbish movies into one atrociously gutter movie.

- Two Completely different storylines
- Completely different set of actors

And for crying out loud, there's a "watch out for part 2" at the end of the torture.

I don't understand how they manage to accomplish this feat. Mediocrity runs through the whole group, from script writers, directors to actors and actresses. It's distressing, because I used to enjoy Nigerian movies a long time ago.

The worst part of the whole charade is the rate at which Nigerian movie channels are springing up on Sky (UK).
Somebody stop this madness!!!

Rotflmao! Ay! Tell me about it!!!  

Another thing, I used to wonder why they spend the first half of disk 1 Pt 2, telling us what happened in Pt 1. . . I mean, what is the point I thought, we just saw it, until one day, I flash bulb went off or is it on.  . . in my head and I realized they don't do it for us, they do it for themselves!!!! Duh!

You gotta imagine how confusing it is for them, script they don't have, outline they don't have, small jotter even. . . Please! And they still have pt 2 to 77 to do. . . they have to remember somehow. So before they start pt 43, they all huddle around the small TV and watch the old ones so they know who is who.

"Ooooh, that's right you were Kunle. God saved us ooooo, I was about to put you as Nkechi who is supposed to be Kunle's mother which would have been something since, Nkechi died in part 22"

So what am I saying. . . until we find a way to stop the madness, let's not knock the part-ing because it is the only thing helping us right now. Yes, yes, I know even with it, we still have movies with different storylines but can you imagine what we'll have without it? I'll tell you. . . we'll have RMD acting as a17yrs old, his 19yrs old brother, his own father, his mother (he kuku has the Ikebe to handle iro and buba), his own lover, his own ex whom the parents want him to marry, his own token best friend.

Oh the horror. . . watching him argue with his father-self for falling for his lover-self while trying to avoid the sexual advances of his ex-self by conspiring with his best friend-self and using his brother-self as cover to visit his lover-self who breaks up with him causing him to cry on the boosom of his mother-self. . . all this while wearing a face cap!

You getting the picture now? Do ya? Do ya? I hope so!

When we pray, the pastors or prayer leaders implore us to “open our mouths and Pray”, they tell us not to be “meek when praying” and remind us that the devil is “seeking to destroy”. To punctuate how serious this is, the pastors quote. . .

Mat 11:12 And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and men of violence take it by force.

The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence – Guess this means the devil is attacking us, the church anything to do with Christ, violently

The men of violence take it by force – Agents of the devil doing his bidding. . . attacking us violently

Conclusion: Since the devil and his agents are coming at us violently, we ought to respond in a way that shows we won't take their attacks sitting down and he. . . they better watch out.

This is my understanding of the shouting while praying thingy oh. I’m not saying it is what it is.

Personally, I am not a prayer shouting person. . . worse yet, I get easily distracted by prayer shouting people. Often times, I find my self repeating one phrase like “Have Mercy”  or something equally mundane throughout the prayer session and then when it has all died down, I start my own prayer afresh. . . I’m not sure what this says about me, maybe I am not gbimgbim enough in the faith not to be distracted? I don’t know, alls I know is I pray to my God, the way I know how and I am quite happy with the results.

Sarah Palin is “Totally Absurd”

“I think there’s a really good chance Sarah Palin could become president, and I think that’s a really scary thing… I don’t know anything about her and in eight weeks, I don’t think I’m going to know anything about her. I know that she was a mayor of a really, really small town and she’s the governor for Alaska for less than two years. I just don’t understand. I think the pick was made for political purposes… Do the actuary tables and there’s a one out of three chance, if not more, that [John] McCain doesn’t survive his first term and it’ll be President Palin… It’s like a really bad Disney movie. The hockey mom, you know, ‘oh, I’m just a hockey mom’… and she’s facing down President Putin (of Russia)… It’s totally absurd… it’s a really terrifying possibility.”

Video
"http://www.thenewsroom.com//mash/swf/voxant_player.js?a=V3047194&m=621720&w=420&h=375&v=2"

@ rubi
Rotflmao!!! You Win!!

KarmaMod:
I bloody HATE Crash with a passion, Sisi

why would you even make a thread acknowledging that pile of dookie. I'm disappointed

ANYWAY

Part of me found Terrance Howard's character to be a wussy for allowing that, another part was like, who the hell wants to end up like Rodney King jare.

If Thandie wsnt acting like a hysterical nitwit it wouldnt have gotten to that part

Whatever, Screw that movie.

ROTFLMAO!!!! I saw the movie once, when it first came out and I was like. . . you have got to be kidding me with this??!! My second thought was, how small is LA na? All of them just happened to cross each others paths on the same night and then when the cop rescued her from the burning car, I almost flipped out. . . was that his redeeming act?

Right from jump, I always felt TH's character did the right thing.

Hannibal:
I have made up ma mind. . . . . .You are going back to your diet.
No more Sarcs for you.

I am calling T.D. Jakes.

Not the apples again!! I hate the apples, they make me green!

People are starting to call me the green monster, thank goodness they leave the "eyed" out of it.

I promise, I'm gonna be good. I'll even attend the tailoring classes. . . anything but the green apples.

T.D Jakes, eh? Bringing out the big dogs, are ya? Oh you DO care!  

Hannibal:
Enjoy[i] fingering[/i] on the streets??

It's not the ideal place but hey, you take it where you can. 

It wasn't like she planned ahead or something.

Things happen, Sh!t Happens. You gotta learn to go with the flow.


LMAO! Are you casting out demons now?

idupaul:
the fact u aint felt it don't mean it don't exist.

You could be right. . . or maybe it's because I've seen everyone who's ever professed to have fallen in love at first sight, Crash and Burn!!!!!!!!!!

Love at first sight is a lie guys tell gullible girls who have read one too many Cinderella/Beauty and the Beast/Sleeping Beauty Crapola.

The notion that you can fall in love without having touched the person, smelled them or heard them on a deeper level is so ridiculous, it's amazing to see supposedly intelligent folks fall for it hook, line and sinker. Come on now!!

Attraction is not Love. . .about time people understood that and stop hurting themselves.

Hannibal:
Lord, deliver us(MEN) from EVIL.

What is the prayer for now? We all agree there is nothing they can do about the situation, why no kuku enjoy it?

And why can't it exist in Nigeria? Are we not human beings?

Personally, I think Love at First Sight is the biggest lie ever told. . . after Love is Blind, True Love Lasts For Ever [/b]and [b]Love Conquers All, I am mean.

One day we should play Love Cliches on Nairaland. . . maybe then we can see how utterly ridiculous the whole thing is. I mean how can you love at first sight when love is blind? Makes. Not . A . Lick. Of. Sense!!!

Jeebus! What is this. . .  Romeo and Juliet 101?  

I'm sorry I didn't finish reading your post. I was already nauseated by all the "thought she was a queen and treated her like fragile egg" talk. I don't know what she did to you oh but GOOD FOR YOU.

Why do you guys set yourselves up with unrealistic expectations? Why can't you see her as what she is. . . a girl, another human being. You carry on like she is an angel with wings, whose feet are made out of gold and when she turns out to be mere mortal with feet of clay, you come on Nairaland screaming Please, abeg, ejoo, help me out here.

Gah!  

Lmao! J-girl that's a fine idea!

She should have just gone "ehn, you won' t save me abi, okay oh" and just turn the thing to

"Oh yes, yes, yes, hmmm! Oh Go. . . oh oh oh Yes! Yes! Yes! Faster! Faster! Faster! oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh Yessssssssssssssssssssss!"

When they are done, she smiles, licks her lips and says to the officer "Thank You" turns to her husband and goes "Honey, you coming?" and then sashays ever so seductively to the car.

Yep! Who's your daddy now?

I bet she won't even get to the second YES before unculu will be finding for cutlass.

Hannibal:
I won't marry u if you are not submissive.

There's an adult class teaching SUBMISSION now.
You can enrol anytime before the end of september.

Ah, so they teach this thing. . . submission, you call it, they teach it? Is it like tailoring coz you should know sewing isn't my forte. I like my dresses packaged and ready to go but if you insist it is a requirement for marriage. . . I guess I'll let you take the classes. Yes, I know. . . I'm generous.    

[quote author=j-girl link=topic=169392.msg2777865#msg2777865 date=1220993981]What rubbish?
You have started again o!A real man will lay down everything including his life for a woman.
So what are you saying Hannibal, You not a real man?
How is the lady supposed to prevent being fingered by someone that can lock her up with charges?
Even the man can't do anything.

@ sisikill, did romeo not die for juliet? what is life without love? [/quote]LOL, J-girl even though I don't agree with you, I like how one side you are jare. You said how is the lady supposed to prevent being fingered by someone who can lock her up with charges. The man nko? Can't they lock him up?  

Like I said, I love that you don't give a second thought about the guy because if this was another argument and I didn't already take the stand I took I'll be saying to hell with the guy, it's all about the womenses!!!


PS
I once wrote a paper trying to prove Romeo had severe mental problems. . . I didn't get the grade I wanted but I got a chuckle out of the professor.