@sisikil

OMG!

ROFLMAO!!!!

This girl don kill me o!!!! That is the best sales pitch Ive ever come across in my life. Ive had the previledge to act it out for my
sista, she thinks we are all going crazy. Nairaland is the bomb. Ive been laffing like bunsuru since.

True, how would we know those awful movies if we dont watch them. I think most people have done a great job on here o
and would be nice if then give us jobs as movie critiques, maybe, just maybe then the whole industry would sit up and change.

Wo! I rest my case.

I really had a good laff. Abeg where you dey?

@sisikill

I've laughed so hard my sides are aching.

You should be a movie critique, I'm sure in no time people like you can force the stakeholders in Nigeria-wood to up their game.

This is the hardest I've laughed in ages.

Sisikill:

How do we know what a bad movie is without watching it? Synopsis they don't have and if we go by the previews, I doubt anyone will watch naija Movies.

TYPICAL NAIJA PREVIEW

We dooooooooooooooooon come aaaaaaaagain ooooooh. From the producer wey bring una Love is fire, love is Ino, Ino is fire and fire is Ino comes a brand new movie fire ina is love ife! Make una come see as Ramsey Noauh turn him back for him papa marry village girl

Ramsey ^{(face all squished up, eyes about to disappear in his socket)} - Father I am turning my back on you and marrying this village girl

We know say na the same storyline as Love is fire, Love is Ino, Ino is fire, fire is ino but this one get another level oh. Instead of 3 cars, Ramsey drive only 2 motor for the movie. Make Una come see how e cope.

Ramsey ^{(face all squished up, eyes about to disappear in his socket)} - I can't believe this! Just ^(pause) two ^(pause) cars??!! I demand an explanantion!!

Wetin go happen now? Make una see fire ina is love ife. Ramsey in his best role ever! See the action scene as Ramsey Jumps over ten fences to save his true love and pronounce his love for his village girl at the same time.

Cartoon Ramsey Jumping over fence - Oh baby, village girl my love belongs to no one but you.

The best most stupendous movie ever made. Pick up your copy today!!

_{How are we supposed to know?}



Please not make this a TRIBAL thing. IT IS NOT!
In my Opinion, Amaka Igwe is one of the few excellent producer and directors we have and like TK, her name should be mentioned in the same sentence as the rest of jagbajantiswood.

[color=#990000][/color]

hahahahahahaha!!!! this is soooo funny

And when u to critize the directors,they'll tell u they are'nt being supported financially. But which organisation(private,public or international) would spend money on low quality?

Amaka Igwe is good too. But the good ones are only a handful.

Guys we need to be a bit logical and constructive in our arguments,
on a personal note, i have stoped doing home videos. i remember clearly when i growing up as a Teen, i use to stay glued to my TV set each time i need to watch a home video or soap.
Clear indication that our industry is deteriorating is the fact that nothing they do in nollywodd catches my fancy again, yet.
if you want a comparism b/w past movies and present, go and watch "things fall apart" (early or late eighties) it is not comparable to any of their present day series or movies.
i mean, can we for any reason compare our music industry to that of the movie, definitely not. that is waht a developing industry does. it pulls more people to it circle, not loosing fans on a daily basis
i'm a die hard local 9ja guy for life, i have not even dreamt of living this country for once and i'm a very proud nigerian. that doesn't mean i should get served with junk in the name of movies or soaps.
a good movie is the one you watch and not see an element of Acting. simply put, we shouldn't be able to tell that "it is all make believe"
for heaven's sake how on earth can two major nollywood actors go clubing late in the night and happens to be the only souls in that club, our present directors should get their acts rigths, the actors as well,
bring your movies to life by making all your scenes REAL,

@ Poster,
Whast baffles me in the room attimes is when ppu make a tread they dont have full knowledge about thereby talking rubbsih.

Who told you they are not making it big?

For your information Omotola Jolade Ekehinde earn N750,000 per movie and you can imagine how many movie she features ina month. Genevieve earns N1m per movie which is even more than the per annum salry of a banker that works from morning till night for solid 365days.

Abeg, for me o, am not ready to sign any petition against atleast they are still making both ends meet afterall nobody is forcing anybody to buy their movie,

@ moreshow

Ok, I have enough information to believe that the industry needs a total revamp.

first off, are you paying omotolas bills? and if omotola or genny are the only ones you can name, shame!!!! shame on the industry.

The term making it 'big' does not only refer to making money, it refers to every status a celebrity should be accorded. How many of you can hold your hands up when it comes to asking whether you have collected autographs of an artiste, queued in the rain because an artist is coming into town, stay loyal to waiting patiently under the burning sun or the pouring rain just because u need to buy a ticket to see this people? Point out to the things that 'we' as a country have done to show appreciation to the peole we call 'big'.

I remember my brother once saw 'aluwe' at mr bigs in ilorin, that was 5yrs ago, he went up to him to collect an autograph, they even chatted a bit but guess what people were doing! just starring as if den never see person before, now that is appreciating someones work.

Genny has got scandals lurking round her, but yeah, celebrities here and beyond also have it but there you go.

how many paparazzi they run follow this people sef? I don't think I need to delve into their payout before we can say they are making it big or not.
Ok o, imagine the industry banning a few of them for asking for pay rise. Haba!!!!! its unheard of. If una no wan pay them, no worries, dey ma no go act abi 2 ge 4.

It is absolutely wrong to actually put a ban on people because of a demand for their call out fees,

how come your blood just dey boil for nothing? abi u don become their solicitor?

@sisikill
ROTFLMMFAO YOU DON WIN ABEG.
Seriously you need to watch the preview about that dog avenging his masters death my emotions ranged from suprise-shock-annoyance-finally just got indifferent, ya know I was telling you in the post about movie curses that horror movies make me laugh, I tell you nigerian movies are the best way to agitate me or get me to do anything I don't want to.
I know the movie industry in america took a while to get to where they are but we are not saying pull stunts for us, the Omen came out a really long time ago but I dare say 99 percent of our movies cannot stand up to it.
Or is it the advertisement posters we want to talk about.(sighs) no need abeg.

@sisikill
ROTFLMMFAO YOU DON WIN ABEG.
Seriously you need to watch the preview about that dog avenging his masters death my emotions ranged from suprise-shock-annoyance-finally just got indifferent, ya know I was telling you in the post about movie curses that horror movies make me laugh, I tell you nigerian movies are the best way to agitate me or get me to do anything I don't want to.
I know the movie industry in america took a while to get to where they are but we are not saying pull stunts for us, the Omen came out a really long time ago but I dare say 99 percent of our movies cannot stand up to it.
Or is it the advertisement posters we want to talk about.(sighs) no need abeg.

Well lemme put it dis way,its nt that Nigerian films re bad,but its so bad dat suwtimes when I stumble upon them, I feel like killing myself.The script looks as if it were written by 9 year old kids,the directing poor & the editing despicable.I tink the industry should be scrapped

I've just seen two movies today on "AIT moviestar". The weirdest thing is the ability of the script writers to integrate two rubbish movies into one atrociously gutter movie.

- Two Completely different storylines
- Completely different set of actors

And for crying out loud, there's a "watch out for part 2" at the end of the torture.

I don't understand how they manage to accomplish this feat. Mediocrity runs through the whole group, from script writers, directors to actors and actresses. It's distressing, because I used to enjoy Nigerian movies a long time ago.

The worst part of the whole charade is the rate at which Nigerian movie channels are springing up on Sky (UK).
Somebody stop this madness!!!

U know u r right, imagine this film o, teaching ppl more abt yahoo yahoo business
boys cot
boys cot 2
the return of boys cot

and imagine at the end of the movie they wrote 'the story has just begun', what for now?!!!!??!
these movies are like slow poison, killing one softly,

i remember my friends telling me that nigerian movies reduces ones intelligence
anytime he catches me watching, he goes, so trying to reduce ur IQ abi? these thing na IQ reducer o!

lol

Aaah! Please forgive me, I didn't mean to kill anyone, cause pain and/or tears! I certainly don't want any of you out of commision because if we going to carry out our covert mission, we will need all hands on deck!

[size=16pt]OPERATION TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT A-GO!!!!  [/size]

pie1ect:

I've just seen two movies today on "AIT moviestar". The weirdest thing is the ability of the script writers to integrate two rubbish movies into one atrociously gutter movie.

- Two Completely different storylines
- Completely different set of actors

And for crying out loud, there's a "watch out for part 2" at the end of the torture.

I don't understand how they manage to accomplish this feat. Mediocrity runs through the whole group, from script writers, directors to actors and actresses. It's distressing, because I used to enjoy Nigerian movies a long time ago.

The worst part of the whole charade is the rate at which Nigerian movie channels are springing up on Sky (UK).
Somebody stop this madness!!!

Rotflmao! Ay! Tell me about it!!!  

Another thing, I used to wonder why they spend the first half of disk 1 Pt 2, telling us what happened in Pt 1. . . I mean, what is the point I thought, we just saw it, until one day, I flash bulb went off or is it on.  . . in my head and I realized they don't do it for us, they do it for themselves!!!! Duh!

You gotta imagine how confusing it is for them, script they don't have, outline they don't have, small jotter even. . . Please! And they still have pt 2 to 77 to do. . . they have to remember somehow. So before they start pt 43, they all huddle around the small TV and watch the old ones so they know who is who.

"Ooooh, that's right you were Kunle. God saved us ooooo, I was about to put you as Nkechi who is supposed to be Kunle's mother which would have been something since, Nkechi died in part 22"

So what am I saying. . . until we find a way to stop the madness, let's not knock the part-ing because it is the only thing helping us right now. Yes, yes, I know even with it, we still have movies with different storylines but can you imagine what we'll have without it? I'll tell you. . . we'll have RMD acting as a17yrs old, his 19yrs old brother, his own father, his mother (he kuku has the Ikebe to handle iro and buba), his own lover, his own ex whom the parents want him to marry, his own token best friend.

Oh the horror. . . watching him argue with his father-self for falling for his lover-self while trying to avoid the sexual advances of his ex-self by conspiring with his best friend-self and using his brother-self as cover to visit his lover-self who breaks up with him causing him to cry on the boosom of his mother-self. . . all this while wearing a face cap!

You getting the picture now? Do ya? Do ya? I hope so!

Lmao! That The Story Has Just begun" can make someone almost commit sin ooh because right after comes "To God be Glory" and it takes all the restraint you have not to say "What rubbish god be the glory??!!!" out of anger from sitting through 7hrs hours of prelude. . . or is it only me it happens to? 

u got it my sister, after watching those meaningless clips they end with
'to God be the glory' my younger sister goes 'to satan be the shame' just perfect
cos one no go fit talk 'to God be the glory ko'

The Nigerian movie industry is simply a joke. Sadly this can be said of most things in Nigeria.

We seem to do one thing particularly well in Nigeria - Start well and deteriorate with time

It's the same with our energy, transport, communications industries.

Right now, the music video industry (or whatever they are called) seem to be doing particularly well, at least by Nigerian standards. I fear this trend of mediocrity will soon take hold of this industry as soon as those dim wannabes who have plotted the downfall of Nigeria-wood to it's current gutter standard start flocking in.

By the way guys, how about setting up a movie critiquing website. I guess it'll be real fun but then how does one keep up with more than 50 movies being released per week?

I am enjoying this thread. It gives me an outlet to vent my frustration with all things Nigeria-wood.

To Satan be the shame

Bwahahaha! Me likey, Me likey! I'll start saying that now. You have no idea who many times I've had to say "God forgive me after watching these yeye movies and seeing To God be the glory.


A Naija movie Critiquing thread? I'm soooooo down for it, it's gonna take a crane to to bring me up. Okay, who will do the honors?

i tink we would make a good team if the critiquing thread or 'firm' begins, no joke o

I agree. . . ONLY NAIJA MOVIES oh.

I already have a few I can NOT wait to sink my teeth into. This one with Ramsey Noah or whatever the heck his name is and Stella Damascus, I call it ANNA because that's the girls name and every second word out of everyone's mouth is ANNA, ANNA. She was blind and he spent the entire movie looking for her,  . . No joke, all he did was drive around, stopping random people and asking them if they have seen a blind girl, not a bad thing, it is how they did it, that was gut bursting.

They decided to do it as a montage, so the song is playing. . .

Oh the rich man looking for his blind love
Chorus - Blind Love, Blind Love.
He didn't think he'll ever fall in love
Chorus - Fall in Love, fall in love
He is roaming around the city looking for her
Chorus - Looking for her, Looking for her
Will ever find her and love her
Chorus - Love her, Love her

Because there is no dialogue right and he has to show us (the audience) that he is asking these people if they've seen his blind girl. . . because we are too stupid to get it, after he just finished telling his friend, his mother, his driver and his maiguard that he was going to look for her, Mr Ramsey Noah or whatever the heck his name is, decides to demonstrate by closing his eyes and using an imaginary walking stick to ask these random people if they've seen a blind girl. When they did it the first time, I laughed (it didn't enter my belle oh , I just laughed it) and thought "cute", then they did it again, I did "hmm" then again and again and again. . . I kid you not, they did it almost ten times, ten different days, then different cars and the scenes a freaking long. Sometimes all we are watching is whathisface turning the steering wheel, squinting his eyes to show how the love his catching him and why it is important for him to find this girl.

After every unsuccessful outing, he will arrive home dejectedly, drop his keys on the table, throw himself on the sofa, put his hands on his head in the "e gba mi" kind way and then reminisce about how they met. When he's done, he jumps up, smacks his fist into his palm and say "I have to find her, I just have to. I love her. I must find her" Sometimes his mama will come and say "Yes, you have to find her" I suspect she is the one singing the chorus in the songs because all she did was parrot the last line of other characters. Other times, it's his friend. . . Americana, who will came and say "Oh mehn, you gats to forgerrabout  this chick mehn, she's blind mehn, blind. There are other girls out there mehn, let's hit some nice clubs mehn and you will get any girl. . . mehn" and Mr. Man refusing to go clubbing and meeting other girls is supposed to show us how committed he is to his blind love. ^{Aww, be still my heart}

He finally finds her, they get married, they have issues with. . . guess who? That's right - an old ex, who is just so crazily in love with whatshisname, she will do anything to get him back, they have many misunderstanding, I fall asleep, they make up and feed each other, I get hungry and go feed myself, they fight, I go shopping. . . bought this beautiful shoes, half price too, the cutest. She cries, he cries, She gets healed by the Bible, they cry, they laugh and they live happily every after.

Huh.

@sisikill LMAO
I think you have done enough to earn 20 mins at the next night of a thousand laughs, make I call Julius agwu?
Where is the naija movie critique thread?

Lmao! I will freeze up like a popsicle.

I'm creating the thread now and luckily I found the preview of the movie I just wrote about on youtube.

@sisikill,

no worry only Nigerian movies will do it for me.

lets have a laff, would look for that thread as i cant wait to put my claws into it

meanawhila, i remember the movie just cant remember the name, she was a porter abi?

Shior, i tink they honestly think we are as thick as they are

I think the problem really isnt about budget, cost or the investment. There are some good foreign movies without much outdoor scene, nothing is blown-up,no guns, no fast cars or mansions, but a well made story.

I have seen a few movies like, detective stories- indoors only. from police office to crime scene. suspects home, victims home etc. only outdoor scenes probably outside the police station, police car pulling up outside the victim's home or suspects office or home. Courtroom movies. Horror thrillers-shot in a small outdoor camp.
Obviously these are not expensive compared to JAMES BOND, STAR TRECK AND SPIDERMAN movies.

The problem I see is the story line for Naija movies.
There needs to be seriousness and creativity in the minds of our script writers and producers.
I saw a naija movie scene once that had to do with some top cop investigation story. The detectives were on the trail of a criminal and decided to check up his data on a PC. guess what! they went to a cyber cafe to do this. As if this blunder was not enough, the detective was busy punching away on the key board presumably making entries to call up his data, with all serious looks on his face and his counterpart's, finally they arrived at what they were looking for, heads nodded.
For some reason after this, the camera man zoomed in on the screen for us all to see that it was a YAHOO website on the screen.

Bros this things take time. we need to be patient. if they really annoy you then stop watching them. it's not like you use ur money to buy anyway.

Most of the stakeholders(producers and directors) are not trained or qualified to be there at all. They are hustling and trying to make a living.

If you don't like Nigeria movies, don't watch it. Simple. There are millions of Nigerians and even non Nigerians

that enjoy watching it. Some of the movies could be wack, regardless. Most American movies are wack too.

I related more with African movies nowadayz than with American movies.

iukpe:

I think the problem really isnt about budget, cost or the investment. There are some good foreign movies without much outdoor scene, nothing is blown-up,no guns, no fast cars or mansions, but a well made story.

I have seen a few movies like, detective stories- indoors only. from police office to crime scene. suspects home, victims home etc. only outdoor scenes probably outside the police station, police car pulling up outside the victim's home or suspects office or home. Courtroom movies. Horror thrillers-shot in a small outdoor camp.
Obviously these are not expensive compared to JAMES BOND, STAR TRECK AND SPIDERMAN movies.

The problem I see is the story line for Naija movies.
There needs to be seriousness and creativity in the minds of our script writers and producers.
I saw a naija movie scene once that had to do with some top cop investigation story. The detectives were on the trail of a criminal and decided to check up his data on a PC. guess what! they went to a cyber cafe to do this. As if this blunder was not enough, the detective was busy punching away on the key board presumably making entries to call up his data, with all serious looks on his face and his counterpart's, finally they arrived at what they were looking for, heads nodded.
For some reason after this, the camera man zoomed in on the screen for us all to see that it was a YAHOO website on the screen.

Rotflmao! Tell me about it, was watching engagement night and RMD's Character is supposed to be hard at work on his lap top, right. . . only for the camera to pan in and we see Solitaire on the screen. Don't they watch the movie before selling it? I guess they just they care because there are people out there willing to make excuses for them. . . this thing takes time now and there those who will tell you you don't have to like it because other people do. 

Please join us on the official  Naija Movie critique thread.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-170675.0.html#msg2798739

frankly i really do applaud the lot of nigerian educated and enlightened youths that actually have the patience to watch nigerian movies when there are loads more better movies to watch on t.v, i find it amusing that sometimes the same mind that would watch, fully comprehend and appreciate a brilliant hollywood movie with captivating dialogue scenes, and acting that would leave you with goose bumps all over, would actually have the patience to go past 5mins into a nigerian movie, without getting paid to take the punishment!!
i've got nothing against low budget or low cost movies especially from an undeveloped country like ours, but what drives me nuts is really dumb and stupid story lines that insult my intelligence and mediocre acting and actors that saturate the industry.
I watch a few hollywood movies at times and feel ripped off so bad i wanna demand my money back from the cinemas, but the difference is the vast majority of people feel the same way,
sometimes i dont even think a hollywood movie is that bad but the public perception could be that its a crap movie hence receiving very dreadful reviews from the public forcing the directors and actors involved to go back to the drawing board and figure out what the issue was with the movie and ultimately for the director fix what he got wrong on his next project and for the actors involved be more careful bout the roles they accept in the future, either ways on the next outing there's gotta be an improvement which is good for the actors, directors and the viewing public as they dont feel ripped off when they watch the next movie any of them is involved in. but with naija movies
the people who buy and watch it seem to me to be the most accepting viewers ever as they would watch and buy anything thats thrown at them regardless of how much its meant to annoy the regular logical human being.

frankwizzy:

i find it amusing that sometimes the same mind that would watch, fully comprehend and appreciate a brilliant hollywood movie with captivating dialogue scenes, and acting that would leave you with goose bumps all over, would actually have the patience to go past 5mins into a nigerian movie, without getting paid to take the punishment!!

Rotflmao! I say forget using someone's car flying in the air for no reason or a man who gets shot 100 times, walking away without a scratch or woman turning into cat, then a stone as evidence that juju exists and works. The real, honest to goodness proof that there is juju in this world is  - An intelligent person watching Naija movie, feeling soo much anger, he wants to break the TV or mowing down anyone who mentions RMD's name with his car immediately after watching it. . . going back to watch another one.

I suspect those producers rub the VCDs with some "Come back again" voodoo. . . it's got to be, that's the only explanation for this voluntary punishment.

word! that couldnt be more true Sisikill

I thought seun is a writer! am not seeing him giving us any reasonable contribution in this topic. is he in support of scrabbing of the nollywood or against?