₦airaland Forum

Slimzy baby: Lol...Why not go and enroll in a kettering school or do u want me to teach you how to cook?

"Catering"...@ OP start-up by purchasing cookbooks. That ll aid u and if it doesn't get any better, enroll in a catering school.

Mad Cow: [b]Another beautifully stupid idea from Lagos State Government.

The Drivers and Conductors currently in lagos that have no dresscode restriction already smell worse than the Lagos carnal, is it now when you restrict their dressing that they would start washing their uniforms?! This is utter nonsense. Lagosians dont give a rats ass what the drivers are wearing, what they want is for these drivers to be properly regulated by the government (NOT NURTW).

- Like the yellow cabs of New York, all Bus drivers should be mandated to display their drivers licence and vehicle registration/permit (in-form a a large sticker) visibly in the bus. This sticker must carry the drivers face on it. Same for conductors.
- All conductors should be registered with an agency and be given and numbered vest and Large font government/agency issued I.D card which they must be mandated to wear visibly at all times. This agency should be responsible for regulating the activities of conductors including the nonsense attitude of hanging on a moving bus with the door wide open, e.t.c.
- A Telephone number (Preferably a shortcode number like 555) for reports and complaints against drivers should be also given to the public and be displayed in the vehicle at all times. This line should be used for reporting badly behaved drivers and also report cases were a bus is being used for criminal activities.


A slow phasing out of certain buses should also comence. This is 2013, Molue has no place in the future we are all aspiring towards. Danfo sef should now be extinct. slowly phase ou these buses and replace them with only one or two brands of buses for uniformity sake. Overloading of vehicles should also stop. e.t.c


There is so much work to be done in sanitizing the transprot system of Lagos (and Nigeria) and uniforms is not one of them. More than three quarters of the bus drivers are not even properly trained to drive, dont know traffic rules and signs, have zero manners, e.t.c.

P.S Fashola!! How about making these bus drivers all get premium comprehensive insurance. I know its expensive, but they can under the aegis of NURTW come together and buy a group/fleet insurance. But it must be comprehensive. So that these bus Drivers will know that they have a lot to lose if they keep driving recklessly. The terms of the insurance must also cover compensation for deaths and injuries resulting from the bad driving of the driver and or his conductor. Thats what I and many Nigerian will love to see. God knows NURTW already makes so much money off of these drivers as it is and they dont account for it to anyone.[/b]

Ogaaaa, eazy!!! Wetin? Na earth we still dey abeg. Ahn ahn, is it not step by step? Or u want to totally run transport workers out of biz? so that they ll now become men of the UNDER..sth. Plz o, we ll get there with time.

Tolexander: They should remember to mandate cleanliness of the uniform for these people cos it won't be funny how the uniforms will look in few days after the implementation of the uniform wearing

As in ehn, u couldn't have been more correct.

dayokanu: I didnt see his name on Forbes list despite killing his mom

you can never tell, maybe he didn't disclose his wealth in order to avoid suspicion.... indeed.

johnny handsom: I bet you the guy will be better of without you considering the level of harlotry you must have been into then for him to become paranoid monitoring you

Yóu are just a hater and gender freak. How can u jump to conclusion like that? She merely narrated how obsessed her EX was. Na wa o. Maybe u r even the EX sef. Nairaland dey help person code sha.

nnacent: A lot of us are but dont want Seun to know so as to remain relavant in d relationship.

relationship indeed.

butterflyy: u forgot to add, when u wish to break up with him n all his family members and friends are bombarding u with call that if d guy dies o, his blood is on my head o. I hate this.
Some even say if u try to leave there will b bloodshed, like am a possession

50calibre: I like girls being obsessed, it usually means she is naive/gullible and I can always order her around.

There is a euphoric feeling I get from exploiting someone and getting them to do my bidding at all cost.

It is obvious u r demonic and a big-time user. Watch out, with your attitude u can never get the best in life. It is only a matter of time before u dig ur own pitfall. Congratulations in advance.

atlbj: Op forgot to add; when he/she knows all about you, all your family, your friends , colleagues @ work and school mates when you dnt knw half of her own close friends!

Also, when he/she uses your name as their password to their laptop ,tab, Ipad,blackberry, Facebook and twitter account and email accouts!! Then its time to escape thru the window!!!

idiot. Hw abt through ϑ ceiling.

The irony and annoying part of it all is that ϑ madly-obsessed ones are the worst cheats ever. Smh!

Damn hilarious and yet so educative. I salute u OP.

Ok guyz, here is the solution to all the aspersions cast on Men of God. The Bible says in John 4:48 "Then said Jesus unto him (a certain nobleman), except ye see SIGNS & WONDERS, ye will not believe.". Also, coincidentally and graciously, Pst. E.A Adeboye's topic for today's Open Heaven is SIGNS URGENTLY NEEDED where he treated doubts people had against him when God made him the General Overseer of Redeem and the signs God began to give till date about Pst. E.A Adeboye being his choosen one. This is my suggestion concerning all fake Pastors, it is high time we all prayed for their untimely death as a SIGN from God that they are fake, after all, they have succeeded in misleading millions of God's flocks and directly/indirectly killing them. Pray! Instead of committing blasphemy.

Ok guyz, here is the solution to all the aspersions cast on Men of God. The Bible says in John 4:48 "Then said Jesus unto him (a certain nobleman), except ye see SIGNS & WONDERS, ye will not believe.". Also, coincidentally and graciously, Pst. E.A Adeboye's topic for today's Open Heaven is SIGNS URGENTLY NEEDED where he treated doubts people had against him when God made him the General Overseer of Redeem and the sign God began to give till date about Pst. E.A Adeboye being his choosen one. This is my suggestion concerning all fake Pastors, it is high time we all prayed for their untimely death as a SIGN from God that they are fake, after all, they have succeeded in misleading millions of God's flocks and directly/indirectly killing them. Pray! Instead of arguing.

Bee4real: so because they are corpers they should not obey the law of the land, na only God knows where they graduated from, just find out u will see dat they are from all these GLORIFIED secondary schools called PRIVATE HIGHER INSTITUTIONS. They pass tru school and school did not pass tru them.

Aint you contradicting yourself? What made daft(s) like you label Private Universities(school that you can never afford even if your whole hometown contribute money) as GLORIFIED SECONDARY SCHOOL? Is it not because of the discipline instilled in their students as opposed to PUBLIC SCHOOLS and here you are confusing yourself again by running ur mouth instead of you to focus on the topic and put a full stop.

Ogbeche77: Shebi they said Corpers have immunity as well, so na deceive dem dey deceive them
The magistrate gann no get work..

Really? You and other like minded posters deem it irrelevant and trivial to disrupt court proceedings. Aiit, i know it is too late 4 y'all to become Lawyers much less Judges/Magistrates but @ least have the decency t reason.

BTW pray never to have a court case.

T-john:
Asari who is the former President of Ijaw Youth Council (IYC) also said that any attempt to arrest him will mark the end of Nigeria./

Dokubo's dayz on earth are numbered. How dare he speak of a whole nation in that manner and to think that some myopic minds are hailing his so called 'bravery'. It is a pity that most nigerians are walking corpses and Đσŋ'† know when to encourage/condemn some acts.

Oshuxjudd: There was a biology student who got "expo" about the paper he was to write the next day. The expo was about agama lizard. Exam come nah. Dem say draw a tree and label it. Our guy come draw tree finish. Make him agama lizard work no waste. Him come circle one branch for d tree come extend am and wrote ...but on this tree lives an agama lizard! And proceeded to pour it all out.

Oshuxjudd:
A dumb girl in Auchi poly Edna, disturbed me so much during exams that I eventually turned around when a friendly lecturer was around and explained the answer to her at the end I interjected, "use your imagination! " After two minutes she prodded me again.
"What again? ,
I snarled. "Spell it"'
SPELL WHAT Spell use your imagination she replied.

eyenCalabar: I think Seun should apology to us. He sounds insulting. There are ways one can actually commands you to do somethigng and you'll hearken with smiles and definitely NOT the way he's just imposing his own commands on us. Am dissapointed.

Na wa o, Nairaland members have come again. Seun had barely finished cautioning us against bad grammar and someone posted this. Anywayz, my observation is that Seun or whoever posted the Rules and Reg. did not even give space for comment, instead, immediately closed the thread.

kokoA: Wetin concern me? I get jet? If dem want make dem ban private jet sef.

hater.

Can this despicable Asari just shut up and get a life. He just keeps getting daft day by day, who is he to determine when and how peace ll reign?

yuzedo: BRO STOP LYEING!

I saw u driveing Datsun pizzer car. dat was when i tramvel to american on summer holliday in dezemba., u help me carry my lewis vitton nike bag and help my babe wit sweet brezz and ice cream laps who is a internationall model to carry her bag of ugu leaf to my governoship suite in sheraton hotel america. u said, 'junior chief yuzedo sweetus, sir, u are a grate men." and i said yes, yes i am. then i dash u $100,04 tip... CASH!

I have been noticing your comments and realize how dumb you are. Plz go back to primary sch, it is never too late.

vowiski: Let me remind belivers, that spreading the gospel is not a work, it is the primary assignment of every christian. I wonder how the Church deteriorated so low. Humans worshiping the fellow mortal pastors.. Paying tithes and all those unscriptural nonsense.

U need to have ur head examined. U claim to study the Bible for yourself without waiting for sunday service, yet, u v deliberately turned blind eyes to Malachi 3:10-11..."Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be MEAT IN MY HOUSE and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if i will not open you the windows of heaven and POUR YOU OUT A BLESSING that there shall not be room enough to receive it. And I WILL REBUKE THE DEVOURERS for your sakes (if u alwayz end up a loser then u knpw where ϑ prob lies) and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit b4 the time in the field (this is also attributable to impotence/miscarriage, you ll not suffer this fate if u are a regular and not a seasonal tither), saith the LORD of Hosts".

May the eyes of ur understanding be opened and i pray God gives u wisdom coz u glaringly lack it.

adaptor4all: Ah ah...calm down..pls re-type

dearestsewa: Way forward:
1. We shdnt jst b planning to bt we shd actually close our accts. Dnt even let manager convince u.
2. Let OP rewrite d title as "Beware of Access Bank, Close ur acct and dnt open new ones.
3. Make dz thread viral on evry social media network u knw 2raise alarm.
4. Put these in the newspaper if you have d access.
5. Port 2anoda bank bt ask abt their charges and benefits b4 u do so o.
6. Write a complaints 2TV stations.
7. Put ds fraud notice evrywhere: ATM, Offices, their gates overnight.
8. Jst begin a revolt smhw.
Mod, dnt evn try 2hide ds post. I av freedom of speech oh.

@ "Mod, dnt evn try 2hide ds post. I av freedom of speech oh"

slimtoy: yes i agree with you sometime last year i noticed 170,000 was missing from my current account i visited the bank to complain about it and have them look into it,the balance i got from my sms alerts were different from the balance on my bank statement. while i was on the case the same thing happened to my girl friend about N70,000 went missing from her account too. Eventually after a month on the matter 156,000 was refunded to me and they told me the rest of the money were bank charges blah blah so i stopped using access bank.My girl friends money was not returned an she also shut down her account with access bank,friends family have stopped using access bank after the heared about what happened to us.i also noticed that they deduct money from savings account too for no reason when i asked a worker in the bank why it was so, the worker had nothing to say about it she only said bank charges. i smh* for people that still bank with access bank.

Same thing happened to me @ 1st Bank as regards inconsistent balance on SMS alert and Bank Statement and when i queried them they said they r simply deducting my SMS alerts charges in advance

BTW i heard some banks' staff deduct a/some naira or thereabt from each customer's acc and when accumulated together bcomes millions.God help us.

dearestsewa: Since I ve bn wt first bank, all has bn wel.
Access charge 4birthday msgs as if i beg dem, no interests etc. BTW, does any bank gv interests on saving anymore dz days?

Yes, GTB. Very mimimal tho, depending on ur savings.

prof2005: It's your N400 that was stolen by those crooks. I will provide a screenshot of my company's account tomorrow where Access has robbed me of more than N200,000 since sept last year till date. Meanwhile I am seeking a legal redress to the matter. They are the worst bank ever. They steal customers' funds and give a stupid memo for the charge. Imagine Account maintainance 5,000 a month unannounced. When am done with this people, their reputation will ... I wouldn't mind spending N1,000,000 to get this 200k back.

Go for it plz. All these silly and incessant deductions are all against CBN Act. And while @ it, instruct ur Lawyer to slam them with damages of millions.

maximunimpact: A customer walks in to d customer service desk and a coversation starts:
CCO: u ar welcom 2 access bank sir/madam(as if d customer no knw say na accessbank he enter) how may I be of service?

Customer: I wnt 2 check my balance

CCO:alright sir(while tearing out a sheet of paper) pls write ur acct name, number n sign

Customer: ok take, chek am 4 me

CCO: sir pls(gives u bak d piece of paper like driver dey give police N20)

Customer: what! Dis can't be my balance! D last time I checked it was N50,550, hw come its now N47,802.98?

CCO: pls sir just hold on a bit, let me show ur transaction history.

Customer: oya na

CCO: alright sir, just listen let me xplain(turns d system 2 d customer's view) ok sir dis N1000 is 4 ur anual acct mtnance fee
N150 4 alert
N100 for E-channel charges
N1000 for ur VISA card isueance fee

Customer: but my ATM will xpire in may 2014, how come am been charged again?

CCO: (ignores d question as if its rhetorical) sir dis N2.50k is ur interest capitalise

Customer: (gets furious now) I wnt 2 c ur manager now, I can't axpt all dis u ar sayin madam

CCO: (gets relieved now, manager will talk d rest) ok sir go downstairs ask of the manager, dey will direct u.(Customer lives now while d next come 4wd)

D next customer: I don alredy hear d gist wey u give dat man......I dnt wnt 2 c ur manager, give me form I wnt 2 close my account!

CCOgets confused now) pls jst hold don a little bit, I will get bak 2 u

D former customer: (walks in smiling wit a customised accessbank handfan) ur manager hav xplained evrytin 2 me, am now satisfied, accessbank is d best bank in nigeria (whatever d manager told him I have no idea, but I knw it must have been a hell of convincing)

CCO: (smiling now) tank u sir for banking wit us
Have a nice day(turns 2 d nxt customer now) sir do u still wnt 2 close ur account?

Customer: no ma, d manager have said it all........

That was my experience @ der customer care desk on monday, was really shocked dat brainwashing is dis real in dis digital age!

Mumu..,what are u complaining abt? When u too fell prey to their unacceptable deductions and yet, refused to see the light

[Duote author=ochukwuma15]I was happy with intercontenental bank (okpara avenue) until they migrate to Access bank, and since then, the story changed.

Every month, they deduct 100 naira from my account.
If i withdraw any amount, they will withdraw 1,000 naira for themselves.

Four times every day, they will send texts to me, thereby kidnapping 40 naira per day from my account.

All my complaint to thier costumer care fell on deaf ears because they are always ready for an answer even before the question comes
Now what i did was to withdrew my money and left 1,000 naira minimum deposit and Ben johnsoned.

I'm now banking with Unity bank (ogui road, before stadium) and they are God's sent.

Those regulating banking transactions in nigeria should urgently look into this before it becomes a tradition.[/quote]"If i withdraw any amount, they will withdraw 1,000 naira for themselves"..... very funny.

Aphrygian: Dat stupid bank,they wil charge u for sending u msg on ur birthday

....come to think of it, that bank cares. It is one bank amongst other banks dat i use that constantly sends me all sorts of good wishes ranging from b'day to Xmas to Easter e.t.c.