dinachi:
@Op you can entertain others with more explanation but your stance and decision is perfectly okay fornow. I love the fact that you are focusing on your career and moving on which is the best thing to do. You have come your own 50% but she failed to meet you halfway and please never go against your family's wish in all these. Take my word for it, your son will come looking for you..wait did I say looking? I meant running to you. Your heart and intention was pure in all these and none of their evil plans will reach you.
Notice that it is only women that are asking you to go back and suffer torture under the heavy yoke of your baby mamas mothers influence. I couldn't believe you were humble enough to suffer atrociously in her company for 25k monthly. My dear the slave trade is over move on with your life.

I'm so glad you understand me perfectly. I'm just trying to get others to have a clearer picture.

Onegal, I could never place my mom in such a precarious position. Whether it's to continue the relationship or for the sake of the child.

Moca, the man is not my concern. I only made my observations which was corroborated by the female neighbor. I'm not in any way jealous. Believe me if I was jealous I may have physically attacked him and ended up causing more problems. I was just trying to do the right thing within my constraints. About your suggestions, it's a nice idea but it's too cumbersome for me and doesn't really seem like it's worth it. If she had met me halfway then we might have been able to work something out.

Love? I'm not ruled by such to the point where I can't reason properly anymore.

Responsibility, loyalty and a sense of duty is what I felt toward her. And that is enough for me.

Thanks everyone for the input. Your responses have all been very overwhelming and helpful and I really appreciate it. It has also been very therapeutic for me and has helped me look at this from many different perspectives.. I shared more than what I intended to with total strangers and I have no regrets at all. God bless you all.

babyosisi:


Chai
I am already loving the cutie
I am just here smiling from ear to ear
Baby with Afro and big bold eyes
Awwwwwww!!!!!
I imagine chubby cheeks and hands and those legs like drumsticks kicking in the air when they lay down
You need to find a way to form a relationship o,you can't miss out in this
Wait till he starts blowing bubbles
They look so adorable when they blow bubbles

Lol you've got me smiling too...

moca:
He didn't know this.
What happened would have been evaded had he gone with his people. Abi he no get family? It has passed the stage of him,his gal and her mum.

I've already explained this situation.

babyosisi:


How nice
Does he look like you?
Show the pics to your mom,I bet you her heart will melt and she will devise means to make the baby a part if the family

He does look like me ooo... Looking like an unripe plantain, afro full on his hair, looking lost in thought with big eyes like his daddy.

She has seen the picture lol. However she is hardcore. Her advice remains the same.

And sometimes we really don't know what our parents are seeing when they remain so insistent like this so sometimes it's just better to listen to the voice of your elders.

klark3:

Best advise!

@ steeze u are acting like a woman, man up jor, u're man. When d ryte time comes, u son will come looking for u...

They are just helping u to take care of d boy. I want u to know dat when a child is with d mother, d chances of mistreatment is very slim, because women are d problem, when it comes to child abuse. Don't worry about d man, men no get time for such things, move on & stop forcing urself on dem...

Too many feminine men these days sef....

Guy I understand your point, I just needed to put in some effort at least. Now no one can say I didn't try. I know I did.

Moving on...

babyosisi:

Did you at least grab a snapshot if the baby

Got pictures on my phone.

cococandy:
his family don't support. What is he going to do?

He can't force them to like the girl and the child.

Thank you very much for pointing this out to everyone. I have already stated their stand on this matter.

I really need to be sure of her before taking any concrete step.

@onegal

I wasn't scared, but one needs to be at alert when walking into enemy territory. I left there on very bad terms, so I couldn't rule out the possibility of any form of attack. It wouldn't make sense to drag the baby or continue insisting on carrying the baby when both the mother and the man had insisted otherwise. That would be looking for trouble when I'm trying to sue for peace. I had laid eyes on my son and that was enough for me. My ex herself had refused so I'm not sure what else i should have done. I'm no pushover but I no get time for wahala. If me and the man had gotten into an altercation it would still be held against me after all na me enter their house. It is because of my safety that I didn't inform them beforehand of my coming so they wouldn't have the time to plan anything against me. I may be paranoid but anything is possible.

And I can't take any of my family members there because they do not approve of the relationship due to all that they noticed and observed. What our elders see sitting down we can't see even when climbing on the highest tree.

Despite their insistence that I close the whole chapter and move on with my life, I still wanted to try to make things work with my ex and see if we can resolve things together and independently without her family's interference. Only when I was sure of her loyalty towards me would I be willing to bring my family in. Believe me, if I insisted tomorrow that she is the one for me and I want to marry her my family would have no choice than to fall in line. But until then I don't want to put my family through any insult or embarrassment. And I don't want them telling me that they told me so. If I'm not yet certain in my heart that she's the one for me, why would I want my mom to be involved in the whole drama? I need to respect and look out for them too.

Your husband must have been convinced that you were his wife, which is why he involved his mom. I have no such conviction. From the moment I got to know her family there were too many red flags, so tell me why I would involve mine?

Now if we had been able to thrash things out properly, acknowledge and apologise for our mistakes, agree on the way forward, and reaffirm our dedication to one another, I would move heaven and earth to be with her. Issues left unresolved in a relationship are bound to come up again. I realise my mistakes, and I'm trying hard to work on myself.

My major problem with my personality is that I am slow to anger, I will talk and talk and tell you what I don't like, this could be jokingly or seriously, any style that I pray it sha enters. When that doesn't work, I will begin to stomach it and may occasionally act out through passive aggressive behaviour. BUT the day I finally reach breaking point anything you see you take, cos I've been telling you beforehand. I was in this state when I pulled that crazy stunt and walked out and told her never to call me again. You are not wrong to say that I'm young and proud and most likely immature. The most important thing is that I've realised my mistakes and it will take a while before I let myself get angry like that again. But has she realised her mistakes? Does she acknowledge the role she had to play in all of this? Is she willing to play her own part to ensure that something like this never happens again? These are questions that I can not overlook.

I admit that I could have put in more effort in trying to win her back, I could have insisted and invited my parents and a few elders over to meet her family to work things out despite all their warnings to the contrary. But I have to be very sure of her first before I make such a huge commitment. If I'm marrying her I'm marrying her and not her mother. We have to be on the same page. For now she's still playing the victim and blaming me while I just don't have it in me to keep on begging. However I will care for my son in any capacity that I can.

I'm swimming against the tide here: My family doesn't approve, her family hates my guts and want a sign of something serious, I can't get through to my girl who only does what her mom tells her.

My relationship had not yet reached the level of maturity and certainty that yours had attained Onegal. If we had sorted things out we might have, but for now not yet. Na to siddon dey look sure pass for now...

My opinion may be horribly wrong but this is just my honest perspective on this issue.

sisisioge:
Wowzer! Life is just too short for all these complications allowed. Good decision...move on. However, keep a place opened in your heart for your son. The little guy will sort you eventually. Trust me, he would.

So go make a good life for yourself, have a proper family and never forgets he exists. Good luck bro, may God help you chose right.

Thanks sis. Doing that already.

aflyingbird:
congrats on ur job. i know i was tough on u in d other thread but u hv tried by visiting her tho it wasn't pleasant . dat doesn't mean u hv done enuff n shud give up trying to see ur son bc dey won't let u ! dis is ur child we're talking abt here not a piece of furniture u can easily disregard it replace . none of dem hv d right to prevent u from seeing him n if u really want to be a part of his life u won't be so quick to give up now ! as far as I'm concerned u hv't tried yet n hv't exhausted all ur options . someone else gave u some gud advice on other steps u can take. also now wud b the time for u to start recording conversations , like u cud've recorded how d man wad refusing n ur ex refused u from holding ur own son , get a lawyer , get ur family involved . u'r too quick to want to move on , kinda reminds me dat ur heart wasn't in it from d start ( ur other thread ) n still isn't . d guy can't intimidate u if u don't allow him . who d fk is he ? he has no business in wat's going on . dis isn't his child but urs.

I'm glad you were tough. Some of it hurt but that's what the truth does.

My heart was in it from the start o, or else na D&C tins straight up (just being honest). Just that with all that happened anyone's heart sef fit pack up. We were never on the same page.

My family's stand has remained the same. Leave the girl and face your life. When the child grows older he will look for you. If not, tough luck. If they knew that I went over there today they might have a panic attack.

In any case, her mom called me this evening, after ignoring me all this while. Gave me about 4 missed calls. I did not pick the call. My business was supposed to be with her daughter and she has already made her position clear.

The fact that I can't seem to get anywhere with her without her mother's interference/involvement even after everything that had happened makes me feel like it's pointless.

I hope you realise that the more I clamour for my son, the more they will be invested in withholding him from me? Na to just assume a siddon look disposition for now...

cococandy:
You've done your part abeg. So for now don't worry about being an item with her. Just worry about your child.

don't let that man steal your child. Still reach out and insist on being the dad.
Nna your child is your child and since you didn't abandon the child to grow up without you, you have a right to him. A right to be a part of his life if that's what you want.

Don't let anyone intimidate you.
I see that's what that guy is there to do.

Omor this guy was so possessive and aggressive. Lol

Abeg I no fit fight o jare... no time again. I tried.

spongeisback:
OP you're too proud.
Put yourself in her shoes...you left her while she was EIGHT months pregnant, she begged you,you used your own mouth without thinking about her condition to tell her not to call you again. She's just doing what you asked her to. Btw your son may grow up and he wouldn't want to have a relationship with you if he finds out what happened, you better keep on begging because she deserves it.

You are right, I'm proud. And I should have been proud from the beginning. When you don't price yourself properly people will do the pricing for you. When I was doing the-boy-is-good I know what I faced.

She deserves to be appeased and I did that repeatedly. She say she no do, I hurt her so bad and she's never getting back together with me. Anymore begging from me and I'm just setting myself up to be exploited by them once again.

I had to do what I had to do in order to be a better man for both of us. I had to be proud of the man that I was first if my ex ever wanted to enjoy me at my best (of course how are you going to explain that to her). That was better than agreeing to be railroaded into a marriage in which I would ultimately have no say at all. It really is a very strange experience for me overall.

veave:




Women are soft and hard at the same time. Why did you spoil what you wrote first with the. Next two texts...
No need to swear and start saying you are dead except you really want to die.


Women are very soft. Did you expect a drastic change of mind sharp sharp like that? Today's visit was just a seed sown. By the time you left she had already started thinking. Then you went ahead to spoil everything. Its seems like you are not a patient person oh. Let me give you a secret,it takes the grace of God alone to make a woman stop loving the father of her children. Almost nothing can reduce it talk more of taking it away.



I don't know how to advice you again fa








You said a man like you is living with her and instead of you to ESTABLISH your PRESCENSE you ran away and went to send text messages? He even had the audacity to carry your baby and he didn't let you touch him. You no give am black eye you come here to open thread. I see you are not jealous like your God.

Establish wetin? In enemy territory? Na that wan go con dey reign, say I don finally crase finish. And I came for peace not war. If they do not want me to hold him that's fine. That one no fit kill me. And fear of police na another tin, after all na only me waka come...lol

My expectations was that we would meet each other halfway or at least make some concessions here and there and work out an agreement on what the way forward will be for us. How long is she supposed to be mad at me? I am not Ramsey Noauh. You are either in or you're out, and she repeatedly made it clear that she is out. Repeatedly o!

The more I beg the more I prolong matter. Na to park well for one side dey observe. Besides that man gym well well lol

In the end what will be will be. I'm glad I made the effort today. Thanks for caring.

ayolight:
Bro. I ve to read tru d former post ti undstnd ur pains. Bro yr decision is rit. but make sure u contribute seriously to d care if d baby. keep a tab on dem Evn if Dey chnge environment. fget abt d moda but not abt d child. do tins dat ll make her crazy. like paying ur child a visit wit wonderful gifts (God ll provide for u), make it clear during yr visits tru ur actions dat u careless abt d mother but ur child. dnt allow her to slip frm ur crow. the future has a beta destiny for u. a friend was once stuck BTW her hubby nd mother she wisely choose her hubby which helps to define d mother boundry. so bros pls dnt fget ur child I beg u in d name of God. u can Evn visit with a lady friend who can act well and tell her to act as a caring girlfriend toward d child. a girl friend who can really get on d nerve of a bitter person. Evn if she dnt allow her to touch her let her show her care nd love wit action nd pricking words. I wish u luck

Thanks bro, really appreciate.

StPete:
OP you need a smack on your head.
For crying out loud, you’re just giving her every reason to push you away and that’s why she’s acting the way she is. Man-up, don’t be a girl! If she doesn’t want you in her life or the child’s, there is practically nothing you can do.
Move on, get another girl, start your own family. When your baby grows up, he/she’d come out to look for his/her father, then and there you can explain situation of things to her. The more you push and clamour for the child, the more she takes the child away.

Believe me I know this, but I just need to at least try something first. I can't just fold my arms and act indifferent and give them all the confidence in the world to tell my son that I never gave a rat's a.as about him. The begging has ended. The calling has stopped.

Being tough and manning up is easy, it's doing the right thing that is very difficult. Thanks.

Timbuktuo:


If you pay through Child Welfare, you pay to them and she gets it from them. You don't give her anything directly, and whatsoever you so is properly documented for future reference. Should you want to claim custody of your child, you can simply do so at the approved age about 7 or 8 years old.

You don't ever have to know where they live sef. If you want the child during school holidays, just make the request and he's yours till school resumes.

Timbuktuo God will really bless you for this. Starting from the end of this month I will follow this approach. I bet they will all be very surprised. Minimum of 5k na small tin na.

I've already Googled some Child Welfare services in Lagos. It's looking good. God bless us all!

Timbuktuo:


If you pay through Child Welfare, you pay to them and she gets it from them. You don't give her anything directly, and whatsoever you so is properly documented for future reference. Should you want to claim custody of your child, you can simply do so at the approved age about 7 or 8 years old.

You don't ever have to know where they live sef. If you want the child during school holidays, just make the request and he's yours till school resumes.

This is some invaluable advice. Thanks. I will bookmark this page for future reference. I wasn't aware I could pay through that medium.

andromida:
Some things you can't come back from but i seriously hope she reconsiders. The way i see it abandoning your 8 months pregnant woman who was begging you to stay while her mother was slapping her is a major crime its hard to take back that kind of man because its when it gets really hot you know the kind of person you are dealing with. It got really hot and you abandoned her and your child to save yourself.

I don't think you can just go charging to get back your child at any point in time what if she had abandoned the child in one uncompleted building and ran away? what if she had aborted the child out of anger so many what ifs. She stayed strong put to bed and is taking care of the child this is being responsible.

If she wants nothing more to do with you you have to move on but before you do give it some time let the dust settle. What you did no be small thing.

And what I did was so terrible that it cannot be forgiven? At least I came back inspite of everything. What about all I suffered in the hands of the mother just because I was trying to do the right thing, to which she was a witness?

I've come to realise that men and women think differently. So while a man might express horror and disbelief that I actually stayed and endured all that, a woman would insist that I should have stayed and tried harder. In the other thread there were some comments tearing me up and insisting I go back to that job. That I am wasting a golden opportunity.

Tell me honestly, would you have advised your brother to do the same?

Timbuktuo:


That shouldn't be an issue for you to deal with. You brought a child to this world, be a father to that child. He might come look for you in the future or not, if you abandon him. If he does, you'll want to have a clear conscience that you did all within your power to be there for him despite the obstacles to that fact.

Yes, as soon as I improve on my financial standing I will do what I can. But the groveling and begging has ended. Don't be surprised if they return any money I send just to prove a point. What happens then?

2goodbobo:
FOUR ADVICE TOP FOLLOW!

1. Don't waste your time trying to get back to a woman that is living with another Man.
God just delivered you from a terrible woman. Imagine what you would have been going
through had you married her.

2. Make sure you contribute your own quota towards the upbringing of the baby because
when this matter eventually gets to court, The court will want to know if you have been
performing your duty as a Father of the child. Don't neglect the baby in anyway and also
keep records(bank tellers) etc of any financial assistance you render to the child for future
sake because it will be handy to you in court eventually.

3. Concentrate on your work and build your career for now.

4. Any heart break is a potential step to your real wife God has ordained for you.
So try and let her go because any woman that can not stand up for her man
and defend him, aint worthy to be his wife.

Thank you so much bro. I've learned my lessons.

Timbuktuo:


You're welcome. However, I'd ask you to reconsider deserting your son without looking back, though. Think about it deeply. I think he deserves to be loved and guided by his father. From the way you describe the guy living with your baby mama now, he doesn't sound like the sort of person you'd like to influence your child's mind.

Well, that's a start. No need to give them a wide berth. Just treat them accordingly. Gentle as a dove, wise as a serpent

I actually think the guy may have fallen in love with her, or maybe it's my mind playing tricks on me. In any case, that some-thing will still happen between them from the looks of things.

udz:
keep ur head down and focus on ur work. if u get horn.y get a girl. The right will come to charge for ur son.

U are still my man.

Women are not really my concern anymore. Dem don show me shege...lol

I will wait for the right time, if it ever comes. I also want to thank you udz for being a source of inspiration and support through all this. You sef na my man.

I also want to say at this point that it is not a crime to be broke. Being broke is a temporary situation, being poor is more permanent and has to do with the deficiencies in your thought processes, your state of mind, and the limitations you place on yourself.

We all have to start from somewhere, it's where you end up that eventually matters.

I'm saying this because sometimes people (especially females) will open their mouth anyhow and say that a guy is broke and squeeze their face like it is actually a disease. Not everybody is born rich, some have to make the difficult climb to the top. It takes a discerning woman to see the potential in a guy and want to latch on to him. This is why I said in the other thread that I suspect that she may have intentionally gotten pregnant to tie me down for fear of losing me. And then the pressure to work for her mom despite my other little arrangements. I just can't help but feel that there was a deliberate plan in place to hold me right where she wanted. But the more I resisted, the more aggressive and nasty the mother became.

Shouldn't she have been proud that I would rather not have anything from her and stand on my own two feet?

I also did want to marry her daughter, and on numerous occasions I told her what my plans were, told her to just trust me and follow my lead, but she liked her mom's ideas better. I just wanted things to be done the right way.

If they had their way I would have been getting married this year, had my wedding sponsored by her family and earning N25000 while answering yes ma yes ma, for the rest of my marital life.

If it seems like I'm ranting biko forgive me I just need to vent. And if you want to insult me and poke holes in my comments you are also free.

I just need anyone out there to learn from my experience.

Timbuktuo:
Steeze, congratulations. Touch your head three times and thank whatever force is protecting you. Don't know if I told you this on your other thread but, there's no happiness to be gained from that liaison. None, whatsoever. You did good by removing yourself from that situation and now that you've fallen into some luck now that you have an even better paying job than the carrot your MIL detained you with.
Firstly, I perfectly and totally understand that you want to be 'responsible'. My advice, not to this girl and her mother, you'll bite your fingers for eternity as they'll victimise and exploit your good intentions. You have no responsibility towards your baby mama and you should stop buying anything for her. She's no longer your problem, your responsibility is to your child and to your child alone. Wash any feelings of love you think you harbour for your baby mama, it will only be used against you. Get another puscy to fvck for fvck's sake. The potential for you getting laid is limitless ffs. Screw some other broad to get this one out of your system.
Now to your child, keeping him from you is illegal and could land them in jail : Now, go to the [b]Child Welfare Office in your Local Government Secretariat/Magistrate Court nearest to you to lodge a complaint that you're being denied access to your child. Your baby mama will be invited, you'll be charged for the cost of locating her and you guys will agree to the terms by which you'll be granted this access officially; this includes, but isn't limited to, a monthly maintenance fee of the child of about 5k and above. This is Nigeria and you will have your child when he's old enough, about 7 years, if you're so inclined, the idea is to be consistent in paying this monthly maintenance.
In the meantime Ushe, face your work and personal development. Your greatest victory in this battle is proving that you can be a worthy and able father and a much improved individual.
Wish you good luck man. Be strong.

Thanks bro. I don't even want to worry about my son for now. Just want to focus on myself as an individual. In time he will come to know the truth. If not, too bad. But right now I do not even want to be around any of them at all or anymore sef. Enough is enough. The girl is slowly turning into her mother without even recognizing it.

I also do not feel guilty anymore and that's a good thing. I actually feel exonerated. And the love matter is not a problem for me, just that I intend to give women in general a wide berth from now on. Thanks once again.

On my way home I sent her a series of texts which I have copied and pasted below:

Revenge is a dish best served cold. I understand the need to pay someone back in his own coin and hurt someone who has offended u. My apology still stands. If u want to ignore everything that really happened that's fine. I will take all the blame. It's all my fault. Still, there is no sin that is too great to be unforgiven, there is nothing that justifies denying a father the right to see or hold his son, or give him a real family.

It is clear to me that ur family has turned ur heart fully against me, and that is no problem. Family first, I only wished that we would start one of our own just like we always dreamt. All I know is that I've tried and I really wanted us to work. I want to promise you that this is the last time you will ever hear from me, I swear on my grandmother's grave.

You can tell my son that his father is dead, or he abandoned him, or he never really cared, because the way I see it you are already heading in that direction. Or u can tell him that someone else is his real father. Do whatever u want sweetie, let that rest on ur conscience if u have any left. Wish u all the best!

Hey guys, update on what's been happening. I've got a steady job now. Pays about 60k plus accommodation. I'm starting on Monday by God's special grace. At least it's a start.

Now, since I put up the last thread concerning what's been happening with me and my girl (check my profile), I've been trying to make amends. Been trying really really hard. Most times she wouldn't pick my calls, sometimes she would pick and allow my credit to burn out, other times she would pick up and scream at me to leave her alone to move on with her life. No one from her family picks my calls now, they are in ignore mode. Eventually, I had to make out time to buy a few baby clothes and some jewelry for her and went to meet her at her house earlier today.

She was surprised to see me but still was reiterating everything that happened for which I'd apologised a million times over before. I just feel that a man has to be a man, not under anybody. She was bathing the baby, and when she finished she wouldn't let me hold him, not even once.

There is a man staying with her in the house - her mother's boyfriend's elder brother (it's that complicated). He was most emphatic on refusing to let me hold my baby. He seemed to have grown so attached even. I sat there looking so confused not knowing what else to say or do. Sure I messed up, but is there any sin that is too great to deny a father his son? Or the chance to start a real family? Or another chance with his mom?

In the last thread I mentioned that my girl's mother was a single mom and couldn't seem to hold a man down as they always ran off eventually and never returned, and a lot of people almost ate my head off, as if the attributes of the mom would hold no bearing or impact on the daughter. I mentioned something about breaking a generational cycle but I can see that I have already failed. She has determined to raise the child without me, and another cycle is now in effect. I know the effect not having her dad (he never cared a bit for them) around had on her in our earlier years.

Eventually she asked me to leave as she had some business to attend to. As I hung around forlornly, wondering whether to leave or not, I met a woman who recognised me and asked where I had been all this while. She told me that the man (her mom's boyfriend's elder brother) and my girl had been living together like a couple since I'd left and anytime she asked about me they would say I traveled or I went to school. Soon the story changed to them telling her that the man staying with her was her husband and I was his younger brother. Eventually the situation changed to them avoiding her altogether, and she soon got the message and learned to mind her business too.

The man should be 47 years but has a youthful look and could somewhat pass for my elder brother since we are both fair skinned. The way he held my baby like it was his, I can only estimate that it's just a matter of time before they start sleeping with each other. I may be wrong but at this point I don't really care anymore. I am only saying things as they happened. I asked her if she really wanted the baby to grow up without the father and she told me that he (the baby) is not complaining. She said a lot of other stuffs, but I will take it sha.

Questions:

Was I wrong to want to stand on my own two feet as a man?

Was I wrong for accepting the responsibility for the pregnancy in the first place? (The baby is mine please, there's no question about that)

Was what I did so bad to be undeserving of forgiveness and reconciliation?

Come to think about it, why was there so much pressure for me to take the job in the first place? (I already had my vision and career path mapped out and I'm currently on that path by God's grace)

My salary while working for the mom was 25k, and she rubbed it in my face at every turn that she doesn't pay anybody else in the company such a huge amount of money and made it seem like she was doing me a huge favor, acting like I had never held 25k in my life. Please note that I do not in any way seem wretched, desperate or poverty stricken. So even if I wanted to continue to tough it out and work with her, there was no motivation. The money I make on the streets and while hustling far exceeds that. In time I never even had time to work for myself, only the mom - for 25k. And I had my pride and self dignity to protect. While leaving to sort my life out in February, I never collected that month's salary to show the mom that that wasn't my problem. My girl was 8 months old at the time. No one acknowledges the fact that I stuck by her for so long through all the degradation and humiliation while she lapped up all her family's love and support. I was in a strange territory and she couldn't see the sacrifices I was making for her. She was the one that eventually succeeded in making me take the job.

I repeat - N25,000... Not N250,000.



I'm willing to answer any questions you may have for me. If you want to insult me and judge me that's fine as well. I just want to know what the public opinion is. Remember there is a child's life at stake here.

Please do NOT move this to frontpage. Thank you all.

.

UPDATE: I apologized to the mom and she's accepted. I've apologized to everyone. I hope we all can get past this.

While it's very easy to want to blame the guy, I was competent at the job, respectful and wasn't proud. What happened was a product of see finish. It's very easy to want to believe that I'm writing all this to make myself seem innocent and blameless, but all the wrongs I did can be seen in my posts all over this thread.

Thanks once again.

Thanks everyone.

MRBrownJ:
@OP
this child is your SON whether you contributed to anything in his life or not. you have the RIGHT to demand to see him, although i am not too sure if some deluded in laws would stop you from having such a contact. if you are not a threat to the child's life and wellbeing then there shouldnt be any issue. remember, do NOT accept any blackmail that they may ask of you, in order for you to see your son. if you are broke (and there is nothing wrong with that) then you cant provide for the child, and thats what you have to say. tell them that you will provide for him as soon (and as much) as you possibly can, when you get on your feet. DO NOT GO BACK TO THAT JOB, no matter how they want to package it.

to be a proper father for this child, you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and believe in whom you see in the mirror. you tried your best to make this insane situation work, and you fail. let this be a great lesson for you.

as for your ex, you should be nice to her, but certainly forget about having a r/ship with her until you BOTH grow up, but you should be nice to her .... as for the MIL, the next time she remotely talk to you in a demeaning way, give her the best tongue lashing of her life by telling her your
mind.

You mirror my thoughts, I really tried to make it work. I had reached boiling point before I acted out. As for the job, I never really wanted it in the first place, it was offered to me repeatedly and I just decided to accept. I have my own hustle at the side that I use to get by, and it going to a point where working for the mom began to take up all of my time. It wasn't a healthy environment for me at all. I was a little greedy but it wasn't worth it.

You summed it up by saying I was trying to make an insane situation work.