₦airaland Forum

Obinoscopy: Distinguished Nairalander

Just as your mod, Tgirl4real, has said, the Family Section needs a Moderator to assist in enforcing the rules of the board and the forum. So here are the requirements:

- Have you read the rules & regulations guiding this forum?

- Are you willing to abide and enforce them strictly?

- Are you Passionate about this section (do you post/visit often)?

- Do you Spend enough time online daily?

- Are you ready to work together as a team with ur co-mod?

- Are you level-headed and willing to take instructions from the Admin?

If you answered 'YES' to these questions and you wish to be a part of this team, please say so here.
Thank you.

Na how much be the salary?

Phema: Nice one Bro! I'm very happy you took that bold step. Tell me, don't you feel better now that you have let go? May God bless you and your family.

Thank you o my sister. May God bless you and your family too. Of course, I feel a lot better

Ahh!!! Thank God I survived yesterday on this thread!!! NLers wan kill me

Anyway, as part of my plan to forgive and let go, I called my mil a while ago (something I haven't done in the last couple of months). She was so excited and full of praises, offering prayers and thanks at the same time while I was just smiling, feeling cool with myself and telling her everything was fine as I just called to enquire how she was fairing . Still in shock, she contiuned praying again and it was only when she said she suspected it was a particular lady I was supposed to marry before I met my wife that was behind the whole imbroglio that I told her that all that was no longer relevant as we (my wife and I) have moved on and forgotten about what happened . Deep inside of me, of course, I know the only problem was her interfering with the running of my home and my wife's initial disrespect for "divinely constituted authority" vested in me by God (no be my fault o, na so I meet am) . And as prove to me that my wife was a lot wiser now, my mil told me my wife hasn't been taking or returning her calls for some time now but she was glad to hear from me which assured her everything was okay. Of course, I told my visibly elated wife of my interaction with her mother and advised that she gets in touch with her immediately to douse her worries. I know she will give me some special treat in kind later tonight as a result

Meanwhile, as for my bil, I will eventually call him but I'm going to approach that cautiously so as not to give the wrong impression that I am chickening out of the "cold war", thereby emboldening him . But deep inside of me, I have forgiven and no longer hold any grudges against him- thanks to NLanders and their wealth of experience on family matters

As for the guy who thinks this whole story is fake, you never see anything! Something that made me to stop eating at home for over 9weeks na him u dey call fake? Pray make u no get problem for your marriage, na then u go know wetin marriage be.

Thank you to all my good friends out there o jare. Ehen, my zodiac sign na pisces for the person wey dey ask. But wait, how dat one take concern the matter at hand?

Unfortunately, only a few Niger Deltans are ready to listen to the voice of reasoning as it stands today.

agitator: You better get ready, or relocate to Benin republic.

I dey Ghana already my brother!!! Na who wan die?

What most Nigerians don't know is that our President has the mind set of the average ND militant:-

IT IS OUR OIL, WE CAN GET IT ANYHOW, USE THE PROCEEDS ANYHOW AND DO NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHOSE OX IS GORED!

Unfortunately, no nation survives under a leader with such a mind set. Barring divine intervention, it is only a matter of time before this country plunges into full scale armed conflict.

May God save Nigeria from all the forces that have now held it hostage.

Symphony007: Just thinking how many lives would have been saved with the nigerian people's money that it's government gave to this man. How many kids would'nt have gone to bed hungry. How many people would'nt have died in road accident due to bad road.etc....nigeria is like a joke. A disappiontment. The world knows it! Ann pickard. The former boss of shell described nigeria to the u.s state department via emails a "the most inhuman country she has ever worked in through out her years in oil, greedy to the point of being complacent in the suffering of their fellow countrymen". Sad. Sad nation!

Very true

Read this about two days ago. I no fit shout abeg. Nigeria we hail thee!

rigormortis: go to your backyard, dig a small hole, rain all the abuses you feel like raining on your in law into that hole. cover it. drink a tall glass of wine. take a cold shower and go about your business.

Thanks

Phema: Oh, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Shows he might just be open minded and willing to learn.

You see. Finally, I won!

That is actually the only problem I personally know I have. I am very humble and open to a fault. But the moment I sense injustice to me or anyone close to me, the humility becomes sturbonness and the open mindedness becomes vitually non-existent until I achieve my aim. I am actually disliked by a lot of people whenever in this mood except the few who know what my true personality is. But I will work at overlooking certian things and moving on now going forward.

ileobatojo: I will say this though, the OP has been quite a good sport. He has handled the critique well so far. Kudos.

Thank you

2ndChance: Okay na, you people have won. I will not deal with him again but still will not take any nonsense from any wife or inlaw under any guise

Thank you o my brother. At least I can rest now

bukatyne: Lol!

I have been reading this thread and laughing because the OP is a joke!

A man whom in several threads said he maintains steady girlfriends because his wife has low libido and is church chruchy. He advised girls how to succeed as sugar daughters!

Now he wants to deal with his BIL by boycotting him and his family? Seriously?

Please bring on more suggestions I really need to laugh!

It is well

This where you guy are missing up things. What you just alluded to and the issue at hand are not related. if you focus on the former in looking at the latter, you will not be objective in your analysis & responses.

ileobatojo: Sounds more like Yoruba people's fakeness and bojuboju (when they are trying to mediate) to me. They turn on their own person not because they mean it but simply to move on the begging process quicker.

Well, it wasn't a yoruba teibe thing as the priest was from Ogoni tribe in Rivers, my wife's best friend and husby Igbos, her other friend and colleague yoruba, we are neither of these tribes but the general consensus that she messed up big time with my mli & bil was unanimous.

Ok since you guys have more contributions to make, let me reopen the thread again until all opinions are well taken.

Now, for those of you saying op is this, op is that, that was how my wife was screaming blue murder until she brought a priest, her best friend, her best friend's husband and another friend and colleague of hers into the whole matter on separately. When they listened to her alone, they were looking for a cross to crucify me on. But when I gave 20% of what my wife and her mother did that precipated the wholecrisis, they were all begging me to pls forgive them for the sake of my innocent children. Infact, my wife's best friend whom she had reported the matter to told her right there that she always looked up to her as a role model but was surprised she could act the way she did to her husband. She even threatened to do away with her as a friend but for my plea & that of her husband who advised her not to to as this was when they needed each other most.
As for the poster who says I am vindictive, yes you are very correct. I'm usually in that mood when I feel I have been wronged unjustly and even if it takes 10yrs or more at times, I usually wait patiently to take my pound of flesh. That was the feeling I got before opening this thread but with the overwhelmimg opinion here, I nowhave a rethink just because of the "family" factor .

Amelian: Lol...hahahahahahahah

Una no go finish me, with laugh... The Op says he has heard, will change for the better and reconcile with his BIL....

So CASED CLOSED !!!....haba! Enough advise given.. .. It's not like pple castigating him endlessly here are saints...



I HEREBY DECLARE THIS THREAD CLOSED!

Thank you o jare my sister

Where are you all coming from na? This thread has since closed abeg.
Abeg oga moderator, help me close am ooo. All these "end time " people sef.

NLanders!!! Una no go kill me ooo!!! I asked for advice, instead of giving me, most of you have turned against me

Anyway sha, I appreciate all your comments, I actually made up my mind after that last post from debosky where maturity was advised as it was a family matter.

As a mark of respect for my wife, I will ignore and move on as advised by the majority of posters here. I have also picked up opinions as being proud, vengeful and egoistic or egocentric from a couple of posters. Surprisingly, those are vices I hate most in individuals no matter how highly placed -I will deal with them as well and come out a better person thereafter .

I will place a call to my BIL as advised and move on thereafter irrespective of whatever response I get from him. It may not be now but I certainly will do someday and I may not have to share that on this thread again.

I must say that all your comments have pushed that inner "deal with him" urge away now and I can feel it finally getting out of my system for good .

May God bless you all .

debrief08: Still you are here most of the times boasting of how much and how well you cheat on your wife.

That was over 2 yrs ago. I have since turned over a new leaf and moved on or rather moved away from my fellow cheats!

debrief08: I know people don't threaten legal action for minor offences. Heavens knows what you did.

As I said you seem proud and vengeful and egoistic.

Okay but that's your personal opinion

redeemersave: I pet/beg until I see him eat it. To crown it you stop sharing the same room with her, mennnn, its most hurting.

Above all, I like men who don't accept trash from so called mother in laws who come to play I be the mama and knows all and controling.

Well, whatever is good for you is good for your wife, I hope your wife will boldly tell your mother not to near her house when she misbehave too, deal with any sil or bil who try to come in, and stop cooking for you, sharing the room with you until you and your mother apologise.

I see this coming soon.

My wife never begged, she carried on for weeks as if nothing was at stake until she was advised that things were becoming irredeemable as in pdp now

Telling my mother not to visit due to a misunderstanding that was started by her mother was the genesis of the whole problem. I simply told her "okay o, I have heard you but your mother will not visit again too ooo" and all hell was let loose!!! How am I the bad person here?

ileobatojo: O'rly? So you mean to tell us that all this time you've been calling him, frolicking with him and his family at parties/events, meanwhile you are harboring beef and vengeful thoughts in your mind?

Yes? More evidence to your type of personality.

No? You haven't? So if you are already 'dealing with him', why this thread?

Lol.

No contact or calls to or from him since after that rude call of his. The thread is to seek better and quicker ways to deal with him It's also to seek opinion if dealing with him or letting go and moving on is a better option . I have actually tried moving on, especially with my wife being very remorseful now, but that urge to "deal with" my BIL keeps rearing it's ugly head

Okay, let me divulge some more info....
My BIL didn't stop at the insulting call, he got some quacks to threaten me with legal action if I didn't resolve issues with his sister (my wife) amicably. Of course, I swung into action and it took the concerted effort of both families to bring the situation under control as it was crystal clear I was out for outright divorce ( I was the only one who knew all the "gra gra" on my part were just "shakara" ). That was the part that got my wife and MIL begging.

Ok, for the benefit of those of you who equate "deal with" to mean physical harm or injury to someone, let me explain what I mean by "deal with" :-

1. I will not call you for any reason whatsover.
2. I will ensure I don't participate in any event that will bring both of us physically together
3. I will ensure my children do not visit or have any interaction with you or your immediate family
4. etc, etc, etc

They are boycott actions and not physical harm as being misinterpreted here. Besides, they may take years to realize .

soul_glo: His wife and mother in law apologized to him and months later he still wants to possibly physically harm his brother in law. Seems to me the poster is on a power trip and is probably the trouble maker. His wife and mother in law probably apologized after his threats for the sake of peace. He just does not seem like a level headed person to me

Your assumption is very wrong.

ileobatojo: Abegi, enough with the pity party.

It takes a special kind of wicked person to still be planning to 'deal with' someone months after they offended you when everyone else has moved on. You are not seething because you want to prevent a future occurrence, you are seething because of your wounded pride and your sense of self importance.

You have not said the bil has a pattern of being rude to you; the situation was that things had broken down between the two families, you disrespected his mother, he responded to you angrily because he got emotional about this. So what's hard in you moving on now? Shouldn't it be a simple matter of the next time you come across him, you say Lagbaja, I don't appreciate the way you spoke to me the other time. And the guy will say, bros e ma binu, my emotions got the better of me. End of story. Instead you are here months later plotting how to stab him in the back in the parking lot, months later. MONTHS o. You didn't 'deal' with it at the time it happened, you didn't deal with it the next day, not the next week, you didn't deal with it a month later, 2 months later you are still in a coma and you still didn't deal with it... Several months later, you are planning how to run him over with your car when he is crossing the road. What manner of wickedness is this? And people are busy petting you on the back and doing all manners of 'aponle'?

Imagine, you not only wanted your wife to apologize on his behalf, you also wanted your MIL to apologize on his behalf. Wow.

You disrespected your elder, your MIL, because you perceived she was overstepping her bounds, your bil did the exact same thing because he felt you were overstepping your bounds. Equation balanced. You now want to school someone on how to respect their elder? Spare me, please. Move on and stop feeling like people need to worship at your feet. If you don't go disrespecting people, no one will disrespect you. I don't care if you move on by having a candle light dinner with him or by having a spa date where you both cry on each other's shoulders. The bottom line is that you are quite out of line for still plotting revenge MONTHS later and you need to move the eff on!!



*Note that I never said you were not justified in your approach with your mil because I know some people will try to jump on that.*

You certainly made that up, you didn't get it from this thread.

Phema: Lol @ schooling him on how to respect his elders. . Guy, you get mind oooo. If na my brother, u go chop correct Slap!

m-ployer:
Well, we read nothing about you apologising in d post. We only read about ur wife and MIL apology and the need to straighten out ur BIL. I am not saying u lied but u didn't sound like someone who would do dat naturally.

Well, I did

chaircover: They have apologised and things have “moved” on in his home, but he is still seething. I guess because he still feels insulted and badly treated by someone who shouldn’t have behaved in that way in the first instance.

I don’t like the idea of pushing things under the carpet, because they don’t really go away but just fester. In this case it is a family member that he is stuck with for life and not one random stranger, so it needs to be dealt with once and for all.

The poster needs to talk to his wife about how he is feeling. She in turn should speak to her brother and ask him to come and apologise to you and even if he doesnt apologise, at the very least, she needs to let him know that what he did was wrong and it shouldn’t be repeated.

At the way things stand, the brother in law can still repeat what he did at a later date and I guess that is what the poster is guarding against.

@poster not all things follow due process in this life as you have found out and one plus one doesn’t always equal two. Make your stance clear and move on. No point keeping it all bottled up inside and looking for ways to try to correct the wrong done to you because you are only damaging yourself and also your relationship with your wife in the long run.

Thank you.

alutacontinua: Actually, i'm 90% of the time e-gentle. It takes time to pull out my username out of me. Your ego is just too big to deal with

Mind you, I apologized to my MIL too after she tendered her apology (both over the phone and physically) even though the generality of opinion was that I was right while she was wrong. I did that out of respect for her. I also apologized to my wife too for "over-reacting" as she puts it. I'm not sure that's what egocentric men do.

debosky: That is the wrong approach - as an elder, you should rise above petty point scoring and get to the root of the matter. Instead of seeking an opportunity for revenge, you will gain his respect if you approach this issue in a mature and considered way.

Like I said earlier, this is family - not some stranger you're trying to settle scores with.

I get your point really. Family and maturity are the keywords here.

Amelian: Op, you are welcome to nairaland where all views must be considered ... In all ramifications....
Best of luck!

My sister, I'm getting more confused now! It looks like I'm the one that should be apologizing for making myself available to be insulted simply because I married somebody's sister . Some views here are even making me feel like I should seek my inlaws opinions first before calling my wife to order whenever she errs so as not to be insulted by them .