m-ployer:
No prob. I think u've gothen enough apologies to calm down and possibly tender some apologies urself. You might not be completely right, you know? Then, learn to respect ur in-laws, disrespect to ur in-law is disrespect to ur wife. Cheers.

Yeah! The bolded is one of the reasons I'm really bitter because disrespect to me by my BIL is disrespect to her sister too who happens to be my wife. But my wife doesn't see any disrespect to me by her brother as disrepsect to herself.

@alutacontinua
Thanks for your post. I don't want to believe your moniker has anything to do with your view point

debrief08:

Such ego and arrogance have no place in a happy marriage. I wish you the best in your quest, you are a piece of work.

Very well noted, will improve.Thanks

m-ployer:
Op u ar just too arrogant, acting like you feed d entire family. From ur words, ur over-bloated ego is definitely the cause of the problem. You want to deal with a grown man with family abi? Go ahead while we watch. Your wife apologised to save her marriage. Her mother apologised in sympathy with her and ur head is spining. This Dude owe you nothing, Take your arrogance near him and see if u won't be deflated. Nonsense!

Hmmmm. Another perspective to the whole saga
Mind you, my MIL didn't apologize for the insult from her son, she only aplologized for instigating the whole crisis. My wife also did not categorically apologize on his behalf, rather she said "he said he didn't insult you". But your point of view is very well noted as arrogance is a vice in itself which I must guard against on my part.

Many thanks for all the comments, especially those from debosky and jidegirl who saw things from my perspective .
I will move on as advised but will not glorify his insult with a call. Rather, I will wait for an opportunity to school him on respect for elders and how not to interfere in misuderstandings between a man and his wife.I feel a lot better now.
God bless you all.

adeaugustus: "Fall in love"?? Do you fall in love with strangers? You get to know people before you love them

What happened to the much talked about "love at first sight"?

uniqueval: Ayayayayaya.....!!! WTF!!!

But wait a minute, slapping a woman? ....that is not funny at all

The argument by child marriage advocates has always been that there will be no intimacy with the child bride until she has fully come of age. Going by this story, it's obvious that is just a ploy to decieve the innocent children and their parents.
RIP to the dead.

Of course I am much older, didn't hit my wife (and I never will), I only stopped eating at home, stopped sharing my room with her and told her her mother who instigated the whole crisis was no longer welcome to my house until she retraced her steps.

My BIL's insults could best be described as rants from a deluded individual as his utterances were incoherent. He even broke down in tears half way into the ranting exercise and that was the point where I had to cut off the call. My anger is more with the act rather than with what he said.

Sometime ago, I had some misunderstanding with my wife which prompted me to take some measures to restore some sanity in my home. As the "sanctions" were biting harder, my wife notified her family which resulted in one of her younger brothers, who is married with kids, raining abuses on me over the phone. Knowing his antecedents however, I igored him but not until my wife and her mother (who was the root cause of the whole problem) were made to beg and apologize for their actions which led to the misunderstanding in the first place.

It's been a couple of months now and normalcy has since been restored. However, every now and then, I find myself fighting this inner urge to deal ruthlessly with this recalcitrant brother-in-law of mine for his rudeness and sadly, I know it's only a matter of time before I succumb to this urge! Even though I cherish my home and would want to do anything to keep it for the sake of my innocent children, I will not succumb to abuses and insults from any in-law like in this case.

I therefore solicit advice from experienced couples on how best to handle this potentially explosive situation.

I take my smally on a sh.agg.ing spree every weekend after bonding with my wife Monday to Friday.

How does this affect the ongoing ASUU strike?

Another lady has come up with a similar allegation against same Pastor Abiodun.

http://www.ngtrends.com/2013/08/another-lady-franca-e-claims-pastor-biodun-harrassed-her-as-well-must-read/

damiso:

CC it really takes alot of discernment and wisdom in order to be able to keep a respectful distance and has you said (the bible as well when paul said will we continue to be babies to be tossed round by all doctrines) by choosing to seek God yourself.I can so personally relate to this topic (not that I think my pastor has any ulterior motive, I think he genuinely does care but sometimes can come across as being intrusive ) cos I had to caution myself in the past.He still finds it odd that I dont call him up everytime I have an issue but really I dont see the need.Some people call the pastor before they book a family holiday and am like WTH .Some people give some kain testimony eh, my manager was victimising me that I come to work late so I called pastor and we prayed now he has been transferred to another branch .Am like if na me my first question would be why do you go to work late?

Sometimes it's cos we are so caught up in the zeal to serve in His vineyard and then sometimes get caught up far deeper in religion rather than actually serving God.My pastor sometime this year said he wanted to nominate me from our parish to go for a pastoral course and I respectfully declined.He was upset that I was declining a call to serve but I told him I need conviction from God and my husband's approval before I could do it.Besides I dont think my actual ministry is really to be a pastor, so there .

You are a very wise woman.

This is an eye-opener to all bachelors. Please be mindful of what you say or are forced to say in the heat of the moment.

I read that post somewhere earlier and while laughing I screamed "I love you" at my secretary. I could see the expression on her face like "ah, e be like say oga don dey gree my own" but she sa disappointed as she noticed the laughter continued for some time without her presence being noticed. Bottom line is, most married men exhaust their "I love you" with other women outside and If you want regular "I love you" from you spouse these days, you need to up your game as the competition is very rife out there.

With those images up there,I feel like eating garri and groundnut right now.

chaircover: Vanitty, this is one of the problems that many homes are facing

My pastor this, my pastor that. Daddy said this, daddy said that. Pastors are now second hand "husbands" in some womens homes.

Its all down to lazy Christianity. People who dont want to take the trouble to seek God themselves, but go through a middle man. A pastors job is to guide and teach. He is not the way to God. He is not the truth nor the light. Some people cant make simple simple decisions without taking their whole family to pastor. . . .a pastor who in many cases too is struggling with his own issues.

Its when you get close to pastors, that you will know that firstly they are human like everyone else. I always tell people not to be fooled. The days of men of God who really served God with all their heart and might have long gone. Today many are just in it due to joblessness and have a sweet tongue. How many churches were around during our parents and grandparents days? but today, every street has at least one church. Did God suddenly call all these people in 2010?

Some peoples homes have broken apart due to "pastors" and many are already in the process, but because people dont like mentioning men of God as the root cause, they blame it on something else. Not many men like the posters inlaw will come out and blatantly point a finger at a pastor. Men will always be men and no one wants to share his wife with anybody in any shape or form. he was seething with the late night phonecalls & his wifes closeness to the pastor but he didnt do anything about it because it was a pastor, until he couldnt bear it anymore and the while thing exploded. If the husband had dealt with it earlier, then they all wouldnt have been in this situation.

I pray that people will be wise and place the hope they have on their pastors on God Himself.

The bolded is the exact reason why this thread has been created because whether we like it or not, a man must be a man. If, as a man, you cannot protect your family, wife or marraige from any intruder of any guise, then frankly speaking, you are not man enough. But then again, you realize that these days, there are a whole lot of pastors, prophets, priests,evangelists, etc that we have to interact with in the coourse of our daily activities and these interactions are somweehat healthy or unhealthy for marriages, depending on how you manage them. As we cannot easiliy discern who is who among this category of people (the pastors), it is imprtant that all married couples know where to draw the boundary with such interactions.
Some salient points have been shared here so far notably that:-
1. A woman should look up to her husband as her spirirual head and not her pastor, evangelist, etc
2. No man should allow his wife to be unduly exposed to the excesses of these men of God for too long e.g. persistent late night calling of your wife by any pastor for whatever resaons.Let me also add here that my cousin's husband showed evidence of calls of up to 60-90mins almost on a daily basis between her and the said pastor spanning a period of over 3 months where the subject of the discussions still remains a mystery till this moment .
3. Pastors are humans and not some tin gods
I have shared some of the comments and views expressed on this thread with my cousin and suddenly, she seems alarmed at the gravity of the issue at hand.

duality: If I don't hear form the NJC in 7 days about this issue, then It will be most unfortunate. Where are the civil societies of this country? they all have lost focus because if 2015 and GEJ.

NBA and all legal luminaries say the appointment is in line with the 1999 constitution. So what are you ranting about?

biolabee:

makes sense but the divorce card is dangerous and can backfire

Exactly my fear and that is why we all have been working on my cousin to calm her down because if she calls the guy's bluff on the divorce card, that might be the end of the marriage as ego might set in.

chaircover: when people start understanding that a pastor is a human being and not a god, then they wont have so many issues & I am not just talking to the wife here.

If the man wasnt a pastor, would the husband have showered so many gifts on him? If he wasnt a pastor, would he have insisted that the man intervened in his misunderstanding with his wife.

pastors are human. . . .God is not!!

The woman hasn't behaved wisely for making her pastor her God and the man too hasn't behaved wisely for allowing things to escalate for so long and keeping quiet and not doing anything about it before now even though he has been fuming underneath

The pastor too should learn to respect himself and other peoples marriages. . . what is he calling a married woman late in the night for?

Anyway it sounds like the husband wants out of the marriage and his wife and pastor gave him a good excuse. if the mans motive is to get rid of his wife by all means possible, even if pastor and wife swore that nothing is happening, he still wont believe it, but you can all start by having a family meeting of wise elders and hopefully it can be resolved.

People please go and read your bibles and remember pastors are human beings like you and I. End of.

Good point.

baby_123:

Well then the guy is looking for an excuse to dump the woman. You dont invite a wolf to see all the chicks you have, and then when he sneaks back to eat them all. You raise hands up and sound alarm that a wolf has been coming around to monitor the chicks you have. He needs to calm down and say what he truly wants. if he doesnt want the marriage anymore then he should be more mature about going about it. Instead of looking for an excuse to soil her name, no matter if it is true or not. Which right now we know is an unfounded assumption. If that is what he wants and does not want to listen to reason, then she has to accept her fate and learn from this mistake. The pastor will not be drawn in because he knows his past indiscretion will be put in the lime light, and he knows his hands are not clean. But the sad thing is they may be clean in this case.

I don't really want to give up on him yet. I want to work on my cousin to get her to remain calm and if after all that he still doesn't want to listen, then I will know he has some other ulterior motives. But the man is a very quiet man who ordinarily hardly gets upset, that is why I believe he might callm down with time 'cos I understand pple like that are two extremes between calmness and anger.

Nashville:

I take my earlier comment back the husband is taking it too far. May be he is doing the right thing if all of this has happened. I think he will calm down eventually, he just wants to send a very clear message that either she stops her Pastor worship/love or she moves to the pastor's house. Just tell your cousin to be gentle and remain a good wife, he will surely calm down when he sees her change.

Yeah, I believe he will calm down too.

biolabee: still conjectures though.. but the measures may be a hammer to kill a fly...

but why does he want to dissolve the marriage

Well, I think he wants my cousin to realize he is in charge as he keeps saying she had taken his calm disposition for a ride for too long. From my one-on-one interaction with him, he doesn't seem bent on that. But then, you really cannot read the mind of another person.

Nashville:

I wonder what they are talking about in the middle of the night and your cousin sure needs counselling and may be you can help her. Tell her that God expresses says her husband is her head and not her pastor. God also says the pastor must not come in bewtween herself and husband. And tell her to tell her pastor never to call anytime after 9pm again! Pastor no get wife? Is the pastor married?

Thanks for the advice but the issue has gone beyond that now. My cousin's husband has called the Pastor and has warned him never to step into his house or have anything to do with his wife or family again, including not calling him or her aagain, and has even warned and ensured his wife does not worship at the Parish where the Pastor presides again (my cousin has complied with all these now even though she was obstinate at the beginning trying to prove her innocence) but her husband is just not controllable still. He is still very much insiting on having the marriage dissolved. The Pastor is not married.

baby_123: Nigerians are too dependent on pastors. Who are human beings just like themselves. They are not God. Why is it by force to involve the pastor in your marrige. What are the couple doing around an irresponsible pastor with a well known past around women anyway. Well, i hope they sort themselves out. The pastor has gotten what he wants from the couple, and really doesnt care to intervene or get involved in serious matters. They knew who the pastor truly was anyway, so why all this one now.

He actually said he allowed the "excesses" of the Pastor in the past since he had been friend to our family before he married my cousin and also because he saw him as a "harmless Pastor" but that he has strong reasons to think otherwise now.

Nashville: In this case, I think may be your cousin's husband is taking it too far. There isnt clear evidence of an improper relationship. I guess he is just angry that the pastor rebuffed him when invited, yet thought it wise to exchange gifts with his wife.

Well the truth about Pastors is that they are also humans too. A woman's Pastor should not replace her husband as the head of her house. I have heard of some woman who will disobey her husband because she is obeying the Pastor. I dont think this is wise.

Pastors are there for preaching and teaching the Word of God. You should not turn your Pastor into your best friend. If you have problems in your marriage, speak to your partner first before consulting any Pastor. And for married women, your spiritual head remains your husband and not your Pastor.

That's my thought too. And that is why when her husband complained that on several occasions that my cousin stormed out of the house saying "you can't stop me from worshipping my God" when all he wanted was just to have a family discussion with her before she proceeds to wherever she was going, I knew my cousin seriously needed some counselling.

bellong: How close is relative and also depends on how spiritually susceptible a person is to "pastor's" gimmicks.


From the story, the pastor has no fault, what if he felt the misunderstanding is not something he can meddle with? Not all pastors are skilled with conflict resolution. He understands himself well, it may end up becoming more tragic if involved. If the period he gave your cousin gift is around mother's day, then he has a genuine alibi

My cousin is the very religious type, the type that would normally obey any Pastor without questioning. You need to jolt her back to reality most times.

biolabee: the story is not clear

Because the pastor didnt get involved... he is dating d wife


Generally 3rd party involvement in marriages is to be frowned upon weda na pastor or family

His argument was that the Pastor had encouraged my cousin to subvert his authority by tacit approval of some of her actions in the past and the Pastor's persistent calling of my cousin in the dead of the night, a claim he backed up with physical evidence.

190-the-clown:


Oh please - what we need to know is what she'already said!
if you need to know more about women consult a 50yr old lady