funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyy

sexyLeamon:

The Moscow Times

By Carl Schreck

In what is either the weirdest Russian crime story of the year so far or a new low in yellow crime journalism, a female hair stylist in the Kaluga region is suspected of holding an armed robber in captivity as a intimacy slave for two days after he unsuccessfully tried to knock over her beauty salon.
Attentive Crime Watch readers will need little more than the first paragraph of this post to understand that this bizarre saga was relayed by the intrepid crime hacks over at the web site Life.ru, which, together with newspaper Tvoi Den, is setting the bar extremely high for sensationalist scoops.

According to Life.ru, the events unfolded on the evening of March 14 as the stylist was wrapping up her shift at the salon in the Kaluga region town of Meshchovsk.

The robber, a 32-year-old man identified by Life.ru as "Viktor," burst into the salon at around 5 p.m. waving a pistol and ordered all of the stylists and clients to hit the floor and toss him their money.

At this point, 28-year-old Olga, whom Life.ru describes as a "delicate" girl trained in martial arts, was apparently still standing when she offered to hand over her cash. But when Viktor tried to accept her contribution, Olga surprised him with a quick punch to the chest, knocking the wind out of him before she flipped him to the ground.
Olga proceeded to tie Viktor up with a hair-dryer cord, gagged him and dragged him into a storage room.

Curiously, Life.ru reports, Olga instructed the others to keep working, telling them that the police would soon arrive.

But this feel-good moment for the good guy proved ephemeral. Things soon turned ugly, according to Life.ru.

The police did not come. And after the other stylists and clients went home for the evening, Olga told Viktor to "take off his underwear" and, with apologies to John Cougar Mellencamp, let her do as she pleases, lest she call the cops, Life.ru said.

She tied him to the radiator with handcuffs covered in frilly pink fabric, gave him some Viagra and had her way with him several times over the next 48 hours. When she finally let him go on the evening of March 16, Viktor had been "squeezed like a lemon," Life.ru reported.
First, he went to the hospital to have his injured focal places treated; then he went to police and filed a complaint asking that Olga be brought up on criminal charges for committing "actions of a sexual nature" that left him with injured sexual organs, according to a copy of the complaint posted on Life.ru.

Olga was apparently incensed when she learned of the complaint. She had, after all, even tried to be nice to her purported captive.

"What a jerk," Life.ru quoted her as saying. "Yeah, there were a few times. But I bought him new jeans, gave him food and drink, and gave him 1,000 rubles when he left."
The following day, Olga filed a complaint with police, asking that Viktor be charged in the salon robbery. Life.ru posted a copy of her statement as well.

"I don't know what's going to happen now," the web site quoted a local police officer as saying. "We could put both of them behind bars: him for robbery, her for despoil and assault."


i know dis is a crime, but I have to laugh Roflmao

my head is spining from so much laughing already of all my days on nairaland today is the best day all thanks to funniest post and thread on nairaland

first post is really very funny

Scooby1:

@ poster dis is all you need on how to toast a woman!


[flash=425,344]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgcZAE1ULYI&hl=en_GB&fs=1&[/flash]

I read this your story off https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-76618.160.html and I can't help but give you big shout out man

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?action=profile;u=3287
My Scary story. . .
February 1st 2004, Umuahia, Abia state. I was doing my NYSC at that time and Manchester United were playing Arse-Anal. As a staunch Man Utd fan, that was a match i couldn't have missed. I was staying in The Catholic Corpers Lodge, and also moonlighting at a guest house with a friend of mine. the guest house was like 300metres from the 'Viewing centre'

The match started at about 10:30pm, if you know Umuahia you'd know that the roads are empty at around 8pm, so by this time the road was empty, but there were over 20 people in the viewing centre so i felt it was pretty safe. . .
The match ended 3-0 or 3-1, after 12 midnight, it ended on my birthday (feb 2nd, my best birthday present!!!), so i started going home. to my profound horror, i found out that all those people there were all off duty okada men, they zoomed off on their okadas and left me alone on that dark road.

  I jogged down to the guest house, pounded on the gate. i'd forgotten they lock the gate by 12 midnight and they don't ever open it until 6am. I knock tire, no answer. I didnt carry my fone because of fear of theft. oh boy
So i started jogging the 1km distance to the Catholic Corpers lodge


Scare #1
100m down the road, a police pick up[ pulled up beside me, 2 cops jumped out and levelled their Mark IVs at my head! I nearly poo myself. ;laugh don killed me

They roughly demanded to know who i was and where was i going? i told 'em i was a corper and i went to watch the match, and that i was heading to the Corpers Lodge. They asked me to reach into my pocket slowly and brin gout my ID card. I did that and gave it to them. One now asked the other one to search me. i'd forgotten that earlier that day i had won a big pocket knife in the Guinness promo and it was still in my back pocket. COme and see the look on their face when they pulled out this wicked looking pen knife. I hastily explained that i won it from the promo. The guy looked at me fo rlike 1 minute (almost shat myself once again) before telling me to go home. i speedily complied!!
teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



Scare #2
About 600m down the road, i was already recovering from the poilce scare when i started really getting scared abt how quiet and ghostly the whole place was. all the tales i'd been hearing on flesh-eating cannibals and kidnappers/ritualists started surfacing. Jesus I can imagine


it didn't help when i jogged past a house and saw an old woman raking leaves together and burning them. What kinda person would be burning leaves at 12:30am? And she looked so witch-like.  she must have been a witch


the next house had like 3 youths outside talking in hushed tones. all fell silent and watched me jog pass. I come dey fear, come dey regret say i go watch match that day. lesson well learn


The next thing i knew, something moving very very fast flew just above my head. you know the kind of noise and disturbance u feel/hear when someone throws a stone  very close to your ear? that's what it felt like. But this was somethin gmuch faster and silent.
Every single hair on my body (from my head to my nearly hairless backside) stood on end. see d kind fear wey catch me, eh? I didn't wait to see if it was a bird, an arrow or a low-flying witch. I kicked my palm slippers ahead of me, caught them midair (in a move even Jet-Li couldnt have done) and took to my heels. I'm pretty sure i averaged 50mph!! Even worse, i was running uphill and my heart was pounding like crazy.   ROFLMAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Scare #3
I got to the corpers lodge, everyone was sleeping. . .! I nearly renounced Manchester United then and there! 



I hammered on the gate and someone finally woke up, where i was led, shaking and gibbering some incomprehensible stuff about witches and policemen and Arrows and bakassi boys. . . the only thing they could make of this was that Man Utd won 


And that's my worst scare ever!

texazzpete you deserve a shout out for this. you are a bloodly legend

LMFAO at the poster I don die today ooooooooooooooooooooooo

bigmodo:

Please, could anyone direct me where I'm going to go buy some guns in aba, some gunrunners? I want to visit the banks with my gangs. We need 15 ak 47 , 10,000 no of bullets, anti-ballistic missile, 20 tanks, fighter jet and we also need some odeshi. Please yall should holla, i can't wait to get this money rolling.

ROFLMAO

zerocool:

hmm, wow! i just got my boat rocked by one of the pics, Time to cast my vote.

mind saying the name?

ispotmdels:

One Naija guy warn me say this site is full of haters. I STILL MUMU SHOW

lol sadly your friend is right

you don't want to hear mine I swear to God

ravenzord:

^^ Be nice Pat


@ OP: Umm. . .you do realize that your write-up had some grammatical blunders don'tcha? Newaiz lemme go vote

okay thanks for pointing that out. I will try to improve next time

Cute. There's more to him than just his physical looks. If he's cute and acts in a sweet way, he's probably got more going for him intellectually and emotionally than someone who is "hot" hot guys are not all that just the body which can be build in a gym. you got to be gifted to be cute.

ayettymama:

lolz

do people stll dress like that in 2010??

yall need fashion police!

dominique:

LMAO
you girls fit kill person with laff

LawBreaker:

i dont give a damn about haters.

naliakar:

Every other thread is Omo this! Omo that! Oh Omo's husband this! Omo's children that!

Just because she is very beautiful, intelligent, and the best role model does not mean you folks should be obsessed with everything Omotola? OK?

you could have save your self foward strees by not posting this thread

michelin89:

Your friends are not the society, they are part of it, just like you. Every preference you have makes a difference in what the society likes. Besides it is a known fact that social norms are not always the expression of the majority.

you have a point

lack of self identity

michelin89:

Indecency stars are not always beautiful.

Even celebrities are not always beautiful.

Let your beauty be in your eyes first and you'll see the beauty of other people.

true but sometimes you go like 'that guy is hot' or 'that girl is pretty' and all your friends goes like 'what the hell are you kidding?' 'you need to get your eyes check' etc etc how the hell are we gonna see what is beautiful through our own individual eyes when society have their own standard of what is beautiful and what is not

I have two question regrading to this beauty is in the eyes of the beholder theory.

1) we told by the media and our peers what is beautiful? If we are persuaded by the opinions of others in regards to what true beauty means, then how do we determine what we really think about beauty?

2) If beauty is up to the individual, why are there people set up to look a certain way to please the masses?

(eg: indecency stars, movie stars celebrities etc)

the right and wrong depend on your intention

abi you don't have balls