₦airaland Forum

Has it occurred to anybody that those long lasting marriages of olden days resulted in todays generation?

Yes back in the day people stayed married..for better for worse, a daily beating, shouting match, adultery, happened back then aswell....while their kids watched it like a soap opera.

Today we have a generation of people who are clueless, men want the perks of being "head" of the home, but dont want the responsability that comes with that. Women want a fairytaile wedding and expect their marriage to be like that aswell. Due to women being more empowered and society less condemning of divorce, and with social media to document it all, its only logic there is more divorce.

When 2 people join together and show their true faces to eachother, without hidden agenda's, and they still love/like eachother...then a marriage is likely to work out. However...how many show their true faces before marriage these days?

Pls when you are physically well again...take your children and go to your family. Do not inform your inlaws when or how you want to leave. When your husband is ready to come down from his high horse he can meet you to talk with you. If he doesnt...well life goes on. Whats important you take care of yourself and the kids. And eventually you will have a peace of mind when your inlaws are not around to make your daily life impossible.Marriage is not a do or die, if the respect for one another has gone its best to let go of it before it turns into something else. Some men just want to "have" kids and not take the responsibility(married or not) and threat their wife as a piece of furniture they dust off whenever they deem fit. Nobody deserves to be threated as such, take control of your life now that you can. My 2 cents.

Pls when you are physically well again...take your children and go to your family. Do not inform your inlaws when or how you want to leave. When your husband is ready to come down from his high horse he can meet you to talk with you. If he doesnt...well life goes on. Whats important you take care of yourself and the kids. And eventually you will have a piece of mind when your inlaws are not around to make your daily life impossible.Marriage is not a do or die, if the respect for one another has gone its best to let go of it before it turns into something else. Some men just want to "have" kids and not take the responsibility(married or not) and tbreat their wife as a piece of furniture he dusts off whenever they deem fit. Nobody deserves to be threated as such, take control of your life now that you can. My 2 cents.

If your family isnt going to accept then better leave her. Becuz if you continue your family will malltreat her, making sure she eventually go react aswell and put a strain on your marriage.

As for single mom's using a man for their resources? Most single mom's make a living already to feed their kid(s).

Feelings for their baby daddy's? Some may, but definately dont assume that. Yes the "dad" may show up every now and then. As long as things are kept transparent that shouldnt be an issue.

Single mom's have a lot going on. So when they tell you they were busy with the kids, they usually are.

If you expect her to run helter scelter to satisfy your booty call...and she goes ahead that means her kids are not nr 1. And then yes, you should ask yourself if she is wifey material.

Just my 2 cents.

Take this from another oyinbo...you have been duped. Had he been serious he would have brought you to his church ever since and involve you prior to this born again stuff. Even though he never gave u other reason to suspect him or that you were a side babe...doesnt mean it wasnt happening. Just rejoice in the fact you never married or have kids together and live life jare.

Did it never occur to you that you are clueless on the reason(s) why your mother refused to reconcile with your dad? Or that you only know part of it. Sacrificing everything just to be a "normal" family and make everything look good on the outside, yet dying inside, is showing off the wrong example for your kids anyways. A mother is more than a sacrificial goat, we are human. Yes we make mistakes, and the kids we try to raise dont come with a manual either ;-)

My personal experience,my parents stayed together till i was 23, unfortunately their relation went to the extend of praying that one of them wouldnt wake up in the morning. It would have been better if they parted ways many years ago and made a life for themselves that was fullfilling, instead of taking out their frustration and resentment on their kids.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheating back on you hubby will only spoil your name. Wanna get back at him? Divorce him, do well in business,train your kids as you should, carry yourself properly,meaning take good care of yourself. On the long run they will wish they would have threated you better etc etc. However there is simply no turning back,typical case of people dont know what they have untill they lose it.

How many men truly change after being caught cheating,even if they claim to repent? A woman is kicked out of their matrimonial home, whilst men get oppurtunity after oppurtunity. Once a man knows that eventually the woman will give in,he will continue in his old ways,knowing his behaviour has no consequences. (maybe temporary interuption of konji and food...which he was already getting outside anyways)

Whatever you do when you are a divorced woman is totally up to you,so if you wanna get your freak on every once in a while you can do that in your own private time without people running their mouth.

Just make sure you focus on becoming a better you,develop yourself so you can also be a good mom to your children. Do not drag the kids in the divorce mess by denying him to see the kids. Do demand that proper arrangements must be made and both of you threat eachother with respect.

Just my two cents.

@ Fialm, we buy the riceflour overhere already prepared, they look like little white flakes, so i dont need to dry/grind anything myself. I add some babycereal to it and the cowmilk and the child will get his/her belly full. I do give however extra vitamin D drops, this is something we give children regardless there nutritional plan till they reach 4 years. And when they are born,the first 2 weeks, i gave extra Vitamin D and K whilst i was breastfeeding.

Sure, gave my child from 5 months plain cowmilk with riceflower and added some other formulamilk for nutricional value to let her get used to drinking normal milk. However you do need to watch it when you do this because some kids may be allergic or get cramps from it. My daughter is 1 year now, drinks 2 cups of cold milk in a day, eats bread and eats whatever i eat during the day. In the evening before going to bed if necessary she still gets an occassional bottle of milk with riceflower.

Haba, 9 months maternity leave? Overhere you get 12 weeks after you deliver your child and then you get back to work. I work fulltime, got 2 kids, an 9 and 1 year old now. It no easy, the 9 year old can manage but has soccer practices, matches, parties with friends or other activities that you need to drop or pick them from, the 1 year old will go to a day care center.

As far as what happens when they are sick? Well that means i call on my mother inlaw or my guy (he works in shifts) and i adapt my working hours an take the work home. This is allowed by my boss since my work is always finished under any circomstance.

Housework and cooking, i do it all,is it hard? At times, one would be lying if it isnt, but surely it is manageable. Just plan every freaking minute from the moment you open your eyes,anticipate and you may actually have time left over.

Moms who sit down at home and move around with other stay at home moms, tend to be like they are living in their own little world,(wondering if their childs lunchbox matches their socks...:-) ) but when the day comes that their children have matured they fall into a very big gap. Not remembering their skills, hobbies and what more anymore. Dont get me wrong, I have nothing at stay at home moms, but for me, I would go gaga.

Had it been I had a choice, i would choose to work 32 hours a week instead of 40 hours, even if i would be married to a millionaire. Then again, what suits me, may not suit another.

Hi there,

For those looking for nice georges, check out the pics below. They are sold by 5 yards,quality is absolutely wonderfull. Especially for those in Europe it is hard to get your hands on these for a reasonable price. If interested just send me a message. Based in the Netherlands,but will post abroad aswell.

Regards,
Nanda

Been there,done that. Gone from every possible scenario through it, from shouting,to vexing,to crying, keeping to myself etc etc. On a certain moment you will realize you can talk all you want and wait all you want but a man doesnt change if he doesnt want too.

In that case, choose for yourself and the kid(s). Move out, fend for yourself, and things will get better. Not advocating divorce here,but marriage shouldnt be about enduring and suffering your entire life for somebody who doesnt care for you.Life's too short and you need to live it,else you will only live to regret it in the end.

Just my 2 cents.

Thats great Phema, the pic you added is exactly the type of thing she wants. Now i know in what price range one can expect to look into. Becuz that would mean to buy georges from a wholesaler in india/dubai or china would be even cheaper than letting them bring from Nigeria. Wholesalers do sell retail at times,when you search and negotiate long enough.

Now its left for me to convince the bride that 50k for a wrapper is not really necessary. (and force such expenditure on her bridesmaids,since tayloring costs r like 10k here + the price for the lace/sequin fabric that would come on top of it aswell.lol)

For those who would prefer their guests to give them money instead of kitchenutensils and other gifts they cant use, u can also state on the invitation : gift idea [img][/img] (image of an envelop). Like this you get your message accross to people without talking to much about it. This is much done overhere and never saw ppl feeling insulted over it,but find this rather convenient. It saves them the hassle to go and look for some great original useless gift.lol

Not planning my own wedding yet,but am asked to help plan somebody elses,though not based in naija, im just doing some research here. Does anybody know what the price of george wrapper is? And with what you should wear them? The bride wants this for herself and bridesmaids. Any help on this matter is appreciated ;-)

My guesses are she has baby blues or is suffering from a depression which can happen after given birth,bundle all that with the insecurities she was already having concerning her husband's infidelity and voila!!!

She should seek professional help,maybe some anti-depressives and things might just work out. It takes a woman 9 months to deliver a child, and 9 months to recover physically and mentally to recover.

However if the husband frenchkissed their daughter..that's another issue. And in that case she should stand her ground. But if not,a father that dotes on their daughter should normally make her a happy woman,mother and wife.

Why dont both of you visit a doctor and run fertility tests to know if BOTH of you are fertile, BEFORE marrying and start shouting fire on the mountain if she doesnt get pregnant fast enough.

Please note that it takes time before a woman gets pregnant,men expect a woman to get belle immediately which doesnt work like that. It only creates stress,and stress has a negative impact. Secondly whats up with 30+ being old cargo, women can conceive till 40 yrs without problem. Some even after that age.So that means she still has 10 years to go and give you a few children if so desired.

Another one is make sure she knows her cycle as to calculate the best times to conceive. She should take extra vitamines called foliumacid, which supposed to help with getting pregnant. Not something from a herbalist.

Just my 2cents.

I am asthmatic, its something i learned to live wiith. However asthma comes in different forms and degrees of seriousness. My own only occurs in certain weatherconditions or due to lots of stress. I have an inhaler,which i only use a few times per year,becuz afterall its drugs and its never healthy to be on constant medication. Over the years I learned nothing can happen during an attack and as long as i keep calm and quiet it will go away by itself. Asthma is not contagious and i dont see why your friend cannot marry his gf becuz of that.

Too bad you have to go through all of this, but the least of your concerns should be what other people think. Let that woman talk. Just tell your kid not to elaborate on his dad's absence. Cuz apparently that woman is just a gossip loving to get info from your kid and spread rumours around. Do you have means of sustaining yourself and the kids? Cuz this situation u described between your hubby and you is definately not a marriage. Try not to focus on wether or not he is with another woman or not,it will only hurt you,stick to yourself,see how you can make ends meet and make your own life for you and the kids. Hopefully your parents have come around to assist you or maybe you have brothers and sisters you can turn to for some support.

Temi...short for Temiloluwa, meaning God is mine.

Great, was looking for this for quite a while. Thanks

instinct30: My little advice, let the fathers play their roles - most especially financially, because the kids still bears their name.


True some mothers keep the dads away that are willing to help and take care of their kids emotionally and financially...but please note this isnt always the case.

Example in my own case, i was married for 5 years before getting pregnant..and this was planned by BOTH of us. However since my son is born,he was not willing to partake any role in raising it. I lingered and lingered..i even moved abroad so he wouldnt have to take care of us. Yet to visit his kid one or 2 days per year is too much im asking. Not even speaking of him contributing financially,which he only does a few times per year,whenever he deems fit. He is allowed to visit anytime or call anytime. He chooses not to. I, however, can sew him for this and get him thrown in jail...but what do I win with this, or even more important what does my son win with it? Nothing at all.

I dont speak ill of him to my son,however he has dissapointed his son himself so much that the boy is tired of his lies.
When time comes,my son will grow up, he may look for his dad,and for the time being carry his name,but a man cannot reap where he didnt sow.
So harvard degree or topsoccer player,kids know right from wrong and left from right.So sooner or later the kids will know what really happened (did my dad willingly abandon me? or did my mom stop him from taking care of me?)and that parent will surely have to answer for it.

Well the only thing i blame myself for is that I allowed him to threat me the way he has,i should have gone long since. However I dont come from a happy home either and was determined to make my marriage work,though eventually i had to let go of it in order to retain my own sanity and also to have the peace and raise a kid in a nice,stable and loving environment.

Dating is challenging. Especially when you are trying to adapt to the situation and figure out your own emotions. As for me i somehow drew a whole lot of prospects not worth the hasstle at all. Its like a certain type of men notice your vulnerable and by all means dodge those ones. Also married men seem to be drawn, which is something to stay away from,becuz in the end you will loose out aswell.

I would not mind if a man would have kids aswell,however i would be cautious of it and also the kids must get along in order to make it function. As for my son's last name,if possible i would have changed it back to mine if it wasnt such a legal drag,and i may consider changing it to my new partner's name if he is willing,my son is willing and if i would venture in a marriage once more.

Apart from that i sustain myself fairly well,by working fulltime,my son doesnt need to miss out on much either. Though he knows how the situation is and is often saddened that his dad doesnt bother to visit or call. I always make it clear to him,its not his fault,he didnt do anything wrong. Unfortunately his dad promissed him a lot,and broke each and every promiss. Example telling him he go visit so and so time and then dont come. My son would be utterly dissapointed. As years went by he stopped calling him his dad,and just uses his firstname to refer to him.

On this point his dad stopped communication completely,im not sure whats going on..but hey life goes on..and i did what i could to keep communication open..but you cant force him. His family in nigeria is aware of the situation and dont like what he is doing,though they wish me well and we communicate on a regular basis.

The only thing i can never understand is...how can somebody turn away from their own flesh and blood?

Well the trials as a single mom are not always easy. One thing that i noticed is that people tend to stigmatize you constantly...even in Europe. Things may seem very liberal over here,reality is a bit different. Women gossip behind your back and men consider you used up or old cargo aswell. In general you and your kid have to prove yourself over and over again. Only few people look beyond this instead of judging you direct.

Eyaaaa, na waoooooo. So u let urself be manipulated like this? Thought naija guys didnt take crap like that,from any kind of lady.
Well, change the locks,change the number,inform the police u get a stalker,record her silly antics (in case u go need some evidence) and keep ya door locked. And before u start fishing and jump into another pool, try and solve this little thing first.

and a pic of the chin chin,

Just tried out a chin chin recipe i found on here.(2 thumbs up) And the suya recipe from Amaka was wonderfull and more than delicious. , as u can see in the pic, who need plate, an old newspaper is what u need to serve suya in.LOL