₦airaland Forum

It`s very interesting that some people are trying to justify the sacking of Ribadu through a roundabout method. We all need to understand the fact that we haven`t got to a stage in our development where one would be prosecuting the daughter of an incumbent President. When the father leaves power, he could make his move at any time and prosecute. The bottom-line is, Ribadu has been stepping on some powerful toes and they have now succeeded in their plots to remove him. Why can`t they do that without toying with our intelligence ? A former American President once said: `` You can fool some of the people all of the time and you can full all of the people some of the time, but you can`t fool all the people all of the time`` This President and his corrupt inner circle are only fooling themselves !
Personally, I would always be grateful to Ribadu for being one of the very few that stopped Babangida from contesting the presidential election last year.
May God continue to bless him wherever he is!

It is not every marriage that would stand the test of time. World-wide, there are characteristics that have come to define the ones that would last and the ones that wouldn`t. In other words, it`s not something that is peculiar to Africa. Be it in Europe or North America, women that are interested in a life-long marriage know that cooking is part and parcel of the equation while the ones that would end up as career divorcee would see cooking as an avoidable burden.
As far as marriage is concerned, there are too many things that would remain the same for ever and the responsibility for cooking in a matrimonial home is one of them. Partners in a relationship have to meet certain requirements before we can begin to talk of the likelihood for a promising marriage. When you have to bring a cook into your household simply because you married a lazy woman, that single action may set in motion the circumstances that would lead to the end of your marriage; methink prevention is better than cure. I don`t know of any modern man that would fail to cook for a partner that has returned home from work tired and unable to fulfil one role or the other.
In fact, cooking is too elementary to become a talking-point before a marriage, but do not advise your friend to leave her; he should know what he wants from her. Should he seek your advice, do what all good friends would do by telling him what you would do if you were in his shoes. As far as I`m concerned, he should be using a girl like this to warm his bed and body. She is not fit for marriage!

@akinalabi,

I think we have come a long way since we started these exchanges. Don`t forget that my interpretation of what I saw and read in England started this. You saw the pre-fight coverage as a show of patriotism by the British media in support of one of their own. I didn`t! But in your last piece, you have come to see those antics as a form of entertainment. I will tell you why that argument is weak. In the first place, the bone of contention was never what both camps did; it was what the British media did. I wouldn`t have criticized the British press if the jaundiced views I read had come from one of the contestants. But, more importantly, why should we choose to entertain by saying demeaning things about one boxer and not the other? In other words, if we chose to entertain, why didn`t we do that by mentioning some of the short-comings of Ricky Hatton as a human being ? Or are you saying that Hatton did not have any flaws in his own character, before that fight? Why wasn`t that a talking-point as well ? Well, you have said that Mayweather was a boxing genius before last Saturday, but don`t you know any other thing (s) that he did before last Saturday that could have been praised ? One of the characteristics of the black race is that we are only interested in instant gratification-which gives birth to extreme selfishness. So we are only interested in what can give us instant profit. But here is a guy that always remembers the homeless and the downtrodden at Christmas, making sure they are well-fed through his charity. Why didn`t they mention this in the build-up to that fight ? How many hungry people is Ricky Hatton feeding in Britain that makes him a better guy than Mayweather ?
Akin, you have got to understand that I`m discussing this not as a bookie, in fact, I`ve never placed a bet on anything in my entire life. So, I just see this from the angle of a black man that is very conscious of how things work in the world.
When Nigeria won the maiden edition of the under-17 world cup in 1985, Kodak decided to withdraw its sponsorship of that tournament with immediate effect.
I was in the vicinity of The Netherlands in the summer of 2005, so it was not difficult for me to go and watch the final of that year`s world cup between our boys and Argentina. A friend of my introduced me to his 58-yr-old black neighbour, who was born and bred in South America. That man told me point-blank that, from the little that he knows about the world we are living in, a black nation is never going to win any world cup on European soil in his life time, but that wasn`t going to stop him from going to Utrecht where that final would be taking place. Well, even if you watched that match on television, you will still need no further explanation on why Nigeria was defeated.
I tend to laugh when my fellow Nigerians discuss their clubs in England and how much they love the Premier League. How I wish I could load everyone on a plane and drop them in West London, and let me hear them speak after just a month. Anyway, the number of black players in your starting line-up tend to dictate my own loyalty, that is why I was for Portsmouth, until Jose got to Chelsea!
Akin, the point is, we would not be having this discussion if Mayweather were to be of different colour, because all those inadequacies of his, that were magnified before that fight, wouldn`t have happened. Those great boxing commentators of yours would have concentrated on his dexterity in the field of boxing. And when a black person doesn`t see this, I tend to have problem with that !
Since this is likely to be my last contribution on this thread, I must say it has been nice chatting to you and the other guys. Cheers!

@ akinalabi

So was he already a boxing genius before the defeat of Hatton or after? Why is it that they are now focusing on his boxing rather than his short-comings ? My point is, his boxing should have been the talking-point all along!

@akinalabi,

So when they claimed that he had passed his sell-by date; that he was not expecting himself to beat Hatton, but merely fighting for the money. When he was portrayed as arrogant and materialistic loud-mouth that have no following in his own country as a result of his bad manners and so on, you are saying you did not hear this or you didn`t consider this as a personal attack ?

@ akinalabi,

The British media, both print and broadcast, did alot of that prior to that fight. You can check their coverage on-line, you will see what I`m talking about.

Awo

Ken Saro-Wiwa

Dele Giwa

Buhari

Anonymous ( this would include all men and women that do good in secret and those that have not received enough credit for their good deeds)

akinalabi & Dis Guy,

I think it`s possible to support your own without trying to destroy the reputation of your opponent. And what sense does it make to build people up like that when you knew that defeat was inevitable? The Nigerian press does this better than any western press; they know how to find the proper balance between giving a patriotic support without investing in any illusion! Anyway, Mayweather had answered his critics the right way!

@eldee,

How do you mean ?

@ Hero,

Nice one!

@chuckdee4,

What those media outlets were doing before that fight was meant to be a psychological game on Mayweather-but backfired in a spectacular way!

One of the things I like about the Williams sisters is that they don`t just beat their opponents, but beat them comprehensively! That was what Mayweather did last weekend. But the reason his performance would rank as one of the best in the field of boxing is the way he conducted himself in victory. Most of you guys in the UK would have read about the character assassination that the British press engaged in prior to that fight. So, for Mayweather to outshine Hatton in every department of that bout and still conducted himself like that after the fight, simply completed a masterclass. Shame on BBC and what Robert Mugabe would describe as `all the imperialist media`.

@ dewaledeyi, thanks for your comment.

@muyiwa, you can use the following e-mail address to contact me: elstead27@btinternet.com

Cheers!

You can only know the good ones after you have tasted the bad ones,bro! That is why I see this as a good experience for you. Should you be 28 and should this be your first love, then it means that you`ve started well. Very soon you would be moving on to the next stage of your life after graduation, and very soon you would be giving a seriuos thought to the need to settle down. It is better to start with the gold-digger you are calling your girl-friend now so that you wouldn`t need advice when you meet your future wife. But another thing to expect is that by the time you meet a good girl, your current girl-friend would try to convince you that you have been misreading the situation, that the only thing she has been having with all other guys you have been talking about is platonic relationship- don`t fall for it! Furthermore, don`t start any relationship that you expect to graduate into marriage the way you started this one; don`t let it be money-based. It`s better to give an impression of poverty to someone you`ve just met even if you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth. That has many advantages one of which is that you are not likely to end up with the type of girl you have at the moment. On a last note, remember that the best time to meet a responsible person is through the school channels. Being an introvert, you may want to give a serious thought to this sooner than later. Good luck!

@ mamaput,

Adetina herself has disclosed that her boyfriend did introduce her to his relatives in the States; why then should we be looking for an interpreter at this stage, mamaput ? And from what we have been reading here, how is this guy suppose to introduce Adetina to the old woman in Nigeria ? Something along the line of ``mum I want you to say hello to my girl-friend, who is not likely to marry me because of my status``, right ? Because I know that even if the two of them are Nigerians residing in Nigeria, the guy is not likely to introduce Adetina to his mum until he`s sure that a relationship that is likely to culminate in marriage exists between them.

I think Adetina has got a lot of advice-both helpful and unhelpful ones! All I would advise the pessimists here to do is to pause and ponder for a second. The question is this: when an `undocumented` thirtysomething Nigerian is talking about marriage and settling down, is it all of them that are doing it for residency or documentation purposes ? Since the commentators here know Nigeria and Nigerians better than I do, they should be able to provide appropriate answers to this question, if not for me, but most definitely, for themselves! I have the feelings that if I`m looking for a wife tomorrow and I manage to bump into Virgin Mary, and I choose to subject Virgin Mary to the type of forensic scrutiny that this guy is being subject to, I`m too sure that I will find more than enough reasons to disqualify her. This is a little bit closer to home though!
In my first year in Europe, this was the situation I found myself in. I was working and living illegally when I met a lady with all the criteria needed to sort out my resident permit. We have not known each other for more than two months when she asked me whether it wouldn`t be a good idea to help me with my documentation. I made it clear to her that I really appreciated her kind gesture, but that the little experience that I have about life wouldn`t allow me to mix documentation with romance; I told her that what brought us together was romance and not documentation, therefore, we should construct and observe a firm line of demarcation between our romance and everything that has to do with my status! Needless to say that that decision caused a lot of rancour, not only between my girlfriend and I, but also my other friends- who were non-plussed! But events afterwards proved that I took a perfect decision!
From all indications, no matter how pure the heart of Adetina`s boyfriend is, this relationship is moribund!
Look,Adetina, you are likely to be misinterpretting my thought-process from what I`ve been writing so far, and conclude that I`m biased against you- nothing can be farther from the truth! What I want you to understand is the fact that everything about me is very ordinary, but the only thing that is not so ordinary-which even my parents, and all the people that surround me know so well is my brain. From everything that I`ve read here, you don`t need to say anything further about yourself and your integrity; you do have integrity in abundance! A citizen of your country once said: ``if you have integrity nothing else matter, if you don`t have integrity nothing else matter!`` If you don`t have integrity, you will simply plot to tie this guy down for the next 5 years with three or four children to show for it. He should be nearing 40 by then, and a sensible 40 year-old with 4 children should find divorce very unappealing. Your presence here is a confirmation of the fact that you are not thinking in those terms. In the world that we live in today, that is worthy of commendation- and I heartily commend you for that.
But let`s just assume for a moment that you two marry in a year`s time, and after the guy has obtained his green card a misunderstanding breaks out that is just typical of the type of misunderstanding you expect from a young couple, would you be able to see that misunderstanding for what it is ? The point I`m making is that this relationship has planted some seeds of doubt in your mind, mainly because of the status of your boyfriend. Much as this guy is the type of a guy I would want my sister to bring home, I don`t think I can honestly advise either of you to go ahead with it! But at the end of the day, it`s only the two of you that are in it together-and the final decision should be yours! If you two are meant for each other, you will both find a way because the will is very much there- on both sides!

@ mamaput,

I can assure you that most Nigerians ( minus the wannabes) do not see the English language as their first language, especially the ones that were born and bred in Nigeria. It`s therefore very wrong to suggest that every parent in Nigeria can communicate in English. In fact, the Nigerians that cannot understand `good afternoon`when spoken in English, are in the majority. Personally, I tend to believe that the people that are quick to assume the worst about others, are not always the best!

I think a man is likely to define love as a certain level of affection upheld and lubricated regularly with enough money and excellent sex!

@ T@meDo,
Yeah, you are dead right! What is very sad is to see what Britain is doing to our people that want to visit Britain these days. Is this not the UK that our people used to enter visa-free up until the early 80s ? I think FESTAC `77 marked the height of our rise as a nation; through it we announced to the world that we have arrived and they saw with their own eyes that we had ! It has been right back to earth ever since! Very Sad!!!

@ ow11,
The nice thing about Ojukwu is his candour whenever he speaks these days. I think that has to do with his age and the passage of time. I mean, all the actors in that ego-trip then were in their 20s and 30s. The North had many reasons to go to war before 1967 and the Yoruba could have as well declared war as a result of June 12, but where would it lead us ? Nowhere!

@3d_hunter,

Actually, since the man himself is still alive, you may want to talk to him and hear what he has got to say yourself. To describe that war as a reckless war was an understatement! We all know how many members of the Ndigbo family lost their lives during that war. What we rarely talk about is the fact that about one million other Nigerians from different parts of the country were murdered in the process of defending one Nigeria.
At the time Ojukwu started that war, his major problem was that he wouldn`t serve under someone that was his junior in the military, in person of Gowon. Well, if that should lead to war, it should have been started by Brigadier Ogundipe who was the most senior in the military then, it shouldn`t have been Ojukwu starting a war. Most of his supporters always want to believe that it was the treatment meted out to Ndigbo in the North that led to him seeking secession. But what experience has shown is that conflict would always occur the moment you have two or more individuals living together. Normally, I tend to ignore Igbos with the theory that Ojukwu was not driven by ambitiions. The same people see Yoruba as betraying them. I guess they must have picked their rubbish up from the road-side or during a pub discusion, so there is no point arguing with them moreso when I know that informed Igbo would surely know better. When he started his war, there were Yoruba Officers in the military who believed in his rhetorics and decided to fight on the side of Biafra, the best among them was eventually murdered by Ojukwu. And how many Biafran Commanders that started that war with him did not lose his life ? Virtually all of them were shot dead by Ojukwu in one power tussle or the other! Before the war, Ndigbo reigned supreme in the military, but till today they continue to face marginalisation. Before the war, the South was not dominated by the North, after the war that changed completely. Nigeria was then a young and promising nation-state that needed to attend to a lot of different domestic issues, but the war diverted the attention of everybody; what we have today is a geo-political ruse beneficial only to the powerful.
Secession is never the solution to anything. You look at the Ndigbo today, how united are they ? Or is it the Yorubas that you would describe as very united, so that when one separates from the larger Nigeria everything is going to be smooth afterwards. In my own small town of about 200,000 people, they have so many stereotypes that one area peedles about the other. So, no intelligent Nigerian would be talking of declaring a region independent in nigeria. What nigeria needed then and still needs now is giving autonomy to all the regions that make up Nigeria, so that there would be healthy rivalry- and a failed region would know who to blame. I know that if that war had succeeded, the younger generation would be busy today talking of unificatication, after the realisation that there is nothing to gain from separation! The little that I know about this world would suggest that Nigeria does not have a serious geo-political problem, at all. Just imagine a situation where the population of enugu is one million, but of that one million 600,000 are from the North, and of the remaining 400,000, 150k are yoruba. Now, you believe in democracy, where the majority must rule, but this is the heart of Igboland, what then are you going to do in a situation like this ? This is what the Balkan states are having to deal with leading to wars in that region! The people of Belgium are the most divided in western Europe, yet they continue to live together. Scotland is a region in what they refer to as the United Kingdon or Great Britain, but the Scots have been talking of secession for ages,but how that is going to tackle the problem of Glasgow is beyond me. So, fundamentally speaking, there is nothing peculiar about our problems.
I have got to a stage in my life where I do not see myself engaging in cheap tribal shots against fellow Nigerians or blacks for that matter, so the likelihood of doing that on this forum is very narrow, but if you have anything that contradicts my points here you should feel free to share it with me.
The fact that have impressed me about Ojukwu is that I can`t recollect any of his recent pronouncements in which he didn`t attribute what he did then to his age, neither can I recollect where he has said that Yoruba betrayed him, so one should leave that to his unaccredited megaphones to be doing it- if it makes them happy.
While still on this topic, I would like to use this opportunity to thank all men and women that played one role or the other in making sure that the best thing to have happened to the black race remains a single political entity that we all refer to as Nigeria. some of them have died, but the idea of a single Nigeria lives on. At the burial place of a great South African, Steve Biko, is a sign that speaks for all men and women that come to this world only to die, pre-maturely, fighting a noble cause, it simply reads: `` It is better to die for an idea that will live, than to live for an idea that will die`` The chilldren of all those that died fighting for a single Nigeria should know that their relatives did not die in vain, because the Nigeria they die for is still intact! And on the Biafran side, may God continue to heal all the hearts that continue to bleed as a result of their losses during the war. Amen.

@D-Chair,
the point is that be it Alhaji Alhaji, Alami or Balogun, they were simply doing what the two you don`t want us to focus taught them. What acts of embezzlement could any of these three have engaged in that would make them worse than Babangida that has failed to explain to us what happened to the $12 billion that Nigeria got from oil during the first Gulf War? And you are comprehensively wrong to say that Obasanjo left an empty treasury for Shehu Shagari. Obasanjo was one of the best leaders in the world during his first coming, because it was at the tail end of his regime in 1979 that he stole money from that treasury- which is a peanut compares with what people are stealing in Nigeria today. It was the second coming of Obasanjo that was a total disaster, not his regime from 1976-1979! And, by the way, the starter of this thread asked for five people and that was what I did in my first piece!

@ kobojunkie,

Those ideas would have been rejected if Buhari were to be Babangida or Obasanjo! A leader that embraces the imput of his/her deputy must be a very great man indeed! Anyway, the important thing is that some of us continue to see the good work they tried to do before babangida and his marauding gang decided to cut short their reign. Cheers!

@ Kobojunkie:

I agree with your points. But one thing that I continue to struggle with is something that your response has exposed and that is the tendency of some of us to see that regime as Idiagbon`s. I`m not in any way disputing the fact that Idiagbon was good, but when u said, `the Idiagbon regime, `, why shouldn`t that be the Buhari regime or am I being too pedantic here ? You know, we never say the Ukiwe regime or the Diya regime; do you see my point ?

Let me say from the outset that this list is not likely to change any time soon!

1. Ibrahim Babangida

2. Olusegun Obasanjo

3. Ibrahim Babangida

4. Olusegun Obasanjo

5. Ibrahim Babangida

I`ve put many things into consideration before arriving at this list. It`s nice the poster also wants us to explain the reasons for our choices.
One of the things those of us in our 30s can say about Nigeria is that we`ve been lucky to see her at her very best, while it`s the other way round for the twentysomethings. Whenever I visited Nigeria in the recent past, I`ve always had to ask myself whether the Nigeria that I`m in is still the same Nigeria that I was born and bred in. Can this be the Nigeria of FESTAC `77 ? Is this still the Nigeria in which Tai Solarin decided to resign from his post simply because he could not produce his driving licence on demand when he was stopped by the Nigerian police ? Is it still the same Nigeria where Buhari sent some of the governors of the second republic ( 1979-1983 ) to jail because they diverted less than 10,000 Nigerian naira into the purse of their political parties ? And is this the Nigeria in which Obafemi Awolowo took on a member of his own political party who was a popular governor of the then Bendel State asking him to refund the money he spent during the burial ceremony of one of his parents-with immediate effect! That was after the professor governor had told him that, `` Sir, I didn`t use this money to feed my family I used it to feed the members of the public that came to the funeral ceremony``.
Each and every time I ruminate on the state of our nation and the genesis of the mess we are in, my analysis has always taken me to no other individuals than Olusegun Obasanjo and Ibrahim Babangida.
The rot we`ve been experiencing to this day started in 1979. Obasanjo was the military leader who was preparing to hand over power to the civilian. But it happened that one of those contesting the presidential election had made it clear that, if elected, he would probe the military because they had mismanaged a lot of things. Well, the candidate that made that threat was Pa Obafemi Awolowo and Obasanjo was determined to stop him. Elections were held, rigged as usual, results disputed and Awolowo held to court. What followed was a mathematical joke that we needn`t go into. But what is important is the fact that Obasanjo had just rigged the first presidential election in the history of Nigeria. Before then, people had seen the military as a credible institution- and they were! So, for the first time in the history of Nigeria, Obasanjo showed the military how to rig an election to achieve a pre-determined goal. The result of this was the emergence of President Shehu Shagari, a good man who was too weak to lead anything. The people around him capitalised on his gentle nature to steal and loot the treasury between 1979-1983.
But the destruction of anything Nigerian started in 1985 when Babangida outsted Buhari for no reason whatsoever! Never in the history of Nigeria has a military man done what Babangida did to Nigeria. It was a season of corrupt practices. His was leadership at its indecorous worst! Corruption became an ideology and the ideology was corruption! With Babangida, stealing from the treasury was just fashionable and only the stupid ones would do otherwise. Going into offices simply became the same thing as going to transact a business at a market place. The truth of the matter is that once a military leader shows the people of his country that nothing is wrong with stealing and indscipline, that country is dead and it was under Babangida that Nigeria was murdered. Abacha merely performed the burial ceremony. That is why I laugh when people ask why we are like this in Nigeria. We are like this because we had the misfortune of having Olusegun Obasanjo and Ibrahim Babangida in our midst. If these two had not been born in Nigeria, the country would have become a developed nation by now! If you look at each and every characteristic on parade in Nigeria today, you could easily trace it to either of them. In an ideal country, Olusegun Obasanjo and Ibrahim Babangida would be nothing but gangmasters, permanently on police radar, constantly running from state to state for refuge!
I thought very briefly about including people like Ojukwu, Ernest Shonekan and Patricia Etteh. Ojukwu for starting a reckless war he would never be able to win in a million years; a war that set Nigeria back many years. But I honestly don`t see a link between Ojukwu and the state of our nation today. And Ernest Shonekan is just a useless old man that doesn`t deserve a battery space in my write-up. As for Etteh, well, she was just doing what Obasanjo and Babangida taught him, really!
A Nigerian that wants to see the big picture is always going to see these two as the only thing that is wrong with Nigeria.
There is no point in blaming businessmen for the rot because they can only do what the governments allow them to do. Donald Trump is what Ronald Reagan made him to be. A businessman is out to make profit and his bottomline is just as simple as that. Buhari showed us that citizens do whatever their leaders demanded. What Obasanjo and Babangida demanded from Nigeria was 419 and that is what we have become as a nation!
Some of the governors you guys are hammering wouldn`t have got to the upper echelons of power if not for the two criminals that I`ve discussed here! And it`s unfair to blame poor Nigerians for the crimes of Obasanjo and Babangida. These two and all their children are guilty of the crimes that have brought Nigeria to her kneels and they should be the ones held responsible, not any other individuals!

Whether one likes it or not, Obasanjo`s decision to pay back our debts wasn`t bad at all; it was a good decision! But I don`t see the imposition of two political parties on Nigeria by Babangida as a wise thing to do. People say he is intelligent, but maybe in the criminal domain because the moment you impose two parties on a country, you`ve inadvertently decreed a one-party state as the ruling party would eventually destroy the opposition party.
But what I find very humbling was Babangida`s decision to annul the best thing he ever achieved-the conduct of a free and fair election.
Guys, that achievement was huge and praise-worthy!
What I like most was the introduction of Option A4 into our electoral system during his leadership; that was a spectacular first! But then, a crminal like him deserve no credible legacy!
I don`t know whether some of you guys would explain something to me. Why is it that whenever we talk about the positive mood that enveloped Nigeria during the Buhari-Idiagbon regime, we always think that it was all about Idiagbon? I mean, even in a democracy, a deputy or vice is only as good as his/her boss wants, why then is it that we tend to see Idiagbon as the main engineer of that disciplined regime and not Buhari ?
There is no doubt that they ( Buhari and Idiagbon ) were the best thing that ever happened to our country;they truly gave hope to Nigeria! Certain things were not just possible during their leadership- regardless of your status. Discipline was the order of the day and that was nice to see. They firmly planted it in our psychology that Nigeria must always come first in our consideration. They were simply the best thing that ever happened to us!

My people have really made me laugh my head off here! Of course, I will echo the view that your dreams are a manifestation of your mind, but that is not the whole story! I think we all need to be a liitle bit humble and understand that no two individuals are totally the same; 100 people would have 100 stories all based on their peculiar circumstances. Let me say that I do not do Jesus and I don`t do Mohammed, but I`m too sure that there are forces that operate in our lives that are beyond our control. Maybe those that are more intelligent than me have decided to come up with a name for this and call those forces God, I`m very comfortable with that. What I`m not comfortable with is the mentality that your Imam or Pastor has the solution to all your problems. What happens when those Pastors have the same problems that `ordinary` people have, who should the Pastors contact then ? My own attitude to life is that everyone of us would taste both the good and the bad side of life, and if I don`t cry when I`m enjoying the good side of it, it would be cowardly to be running helter-skelter when I hit a rough patch.
In my own life that is devoid of Jesus Christ and Mohammed, it`s very rear for anything major to happen without me knowing it in advance! I think the difference between me and all other people that are like this is that I take both the good and the bad ones in my stride. In other words, I don`t become an emergency born again simply because I`ve seen a looming danger or I`m on the wrong side of luck. As I`ve said, I know I have to take the good with the bad!
Actually, I lead a life in which too many things are pre-determined. Though not yet 40, but all I`ve been trying to prove to myself up until I was thirtysomething was to go against what I saw as some bogus superstitions of lazy minds. However, it`s still in the province of wisdom to know when to stop questioning the unquestionable. So, the fact that some of us are not experiencing something doesn`t mean that it doesn`t exist, it`s just that your world is not their world!
To the poster: The first person you need to know is yourself! When you know yourself inside out, it would be very easy to understand your world. It`s not every time that dreams are meaningless mumbo jumbo worthy of no attention. At times, they tell you of those that are close to you and what they are up to! At times they tell you of things that are pre-determined in your life that are about to come to pass. Some other times, that dream is as a result of your own actions( there are many things I can eat that would set off immediate reaction in my own world ). I`m of the opinion that the only bad thing that can happen to us is the one that is pre-determined, praying for 365 days a year may not help prevent that!
So my point is that you need to ask yourself about your dream pattern in the past and whether they have always meant something. Believe me, my sister, if my boss is mad at me in my dream, I can assure you that promotion would come before that month runs out- of that there is no iota of doubt. It can also be the case that this boss is about to disappear from your life either because you are going to move elsewhere or she is going to move on.
Ok, what about leaving the unknown and try something different? Would it be possible for you to walk up to her and ask her one or two questions in a polite way? Just tell her that you`ve observed in the recent past that she has changed towards you, and you will like to know whether you`ve done something wrong or there is something that she wants you to change. This question is going to catch her unawares and the answer she gives would be a window into her mind.
My advice to you is to try to always be at your best in all your dealings with fellow human beings, your boss included! There is no unique charateristic that you possess that is not dependent on you doing good to others. Heraclitus put this in a simple way: ` Character is destiny`. When it is all said and done, it is your character that would determine your future, not that boss of yours. Good luck to you!

Jose Mourinho, but then he is not likely to accept it!

So, Orikinla, I can see that you dislike what you describe as religious terrorists around the world, but do you like political terrorists ? Is political terrorism slightly better than religious terrorism ? I`m not assuming anything, bro; just curious!

The only reason why I`ve decided to contribute to this thread is because of innocent Nigerians that are planning to come abroad sooner or later in search of a better future. For I still believe that most Nigerians come abroad to do just that. It`s unfortunate this wonderful thread is beginning to assume a tribalistic dimension; that can`t be right, I guess!
There is no way to discuss this issue without engaging in some generalisations, but those generalisations are not meant to devalue the people that are resident in some of the countries in question. I want to posit here that it might be difficult to have an accurate assessment of a country if all we`ve ever done there is to visit as a tourist. In other words, apperance can be deceiptful. If you go to Belgium as a tourist, for instance, in appearance the country look like a Third World country. A quick visit to Germany, however, will give you an impression of a fantastic country with a well-developed and well-maintained infrastructure and public services. However, the truth is that you can never live in these two countries without noticing a remarkable difference in the immigrants living in them. Without any fear of contradiction, Nigerians living in Belgium feel more relaxed than those living in Germany, notwithstanding the fact that Germany is very far ahead on the development front.
Let us move on now and look at certain facts. Let`s say immigrant A and B have just arrived in Europe, but immigrant A is more focused and more academically qualified. After a thorough research of the EU, he has decided to settle down in one of the Scadinavian countries, say Norway or Sweden. Arguably, the countries in that area are some of the best countries in the world! Now immigrant B- less focused, not as bright academically as A and far less intelligent than him decided to live in Ireland. Why now is it that immigrant B in Ireland would fare relatively better than the immigrant that is based in the best country in the world ? The answer is simple-it is a question of language! As I`ve pointed out, I`m not writing this piece to compete with those that have contributed on this thread, but just for those that are at the point of making what I would describe as their abroad decisions. It is true there are a lot of things will-power can do, but what it cannot do is change certain realities. Whatever takes 3 years for immigrant B to achieve is likely to take our highly-intelligent immigrant A about 7 if not 10 years to achieve. The moral of the story, therefore, is that you either go to an English-speaking country or you stay in Nigeria- if you are already successful there. I don`t think Nigerians come abroad because of good infrastructure and excellent public services, but rather in pursuit of a better future. It is foolhardy going to Germany, Sweden or Holland in your 30s in search of a better future, unless you are being sent their by your employer, you will regret it! However, those countries are paradise on earth if you are visiting them as a tourist. And as far as Eastern Europle is concerned, don`t just try it! Good luck to all the prospective immigrants of this world!

So it was a wonderful match, kubed2klin ? It`s alright, but I can assure you that if we had asked Shomolu XI to take on Australia last Saturday, they would have done a better job. Actually, you have said that you didn`t watch the match in full so there is no point arguing. Our boys were out-played in every department of the game so much so that most Nigerians that went to watch it were asking for a refund. Players can have a bad day, but what I saw last Saturday was a case of players that have no future in the game of football being asked to represent Nigeria. A guy sitting next to me commented that they should change the guy wearing no 10 and I have to ask him whether he meant they should change 10 players. That goal-keeper would never be part of anything that would bring success to Nigerian at world stage. As for the defenders, only one of them has a future and he would have to work on his mobility. We don`t really have to talk about mid-fielders bacause I didn`t see any! The only player that showed his class was Osaze. There was a time he was the one going back to the mid-field to do what mid-fielders should be doing in addition to being the most promising striker upfront. If Scolari were to be the Nigerian coach, Obafemi Martins would have been substituted in the fist half; he was simply pathetic! Taiwo did well notwithstanding the fact that he was not allow to play as a left full-back
As Tawa-Temi said, the coach needs to wake up! I`m all for trying new players, but I wasn`t expecting a manager that said he would never use under-17 players in the senior team to give us what he paraded on Saturday. Why is it that majority of the boys that reached the finals in Holland are not the ones been tried to succeed the Kanus ? I mean, the talents are there in abundance, it`s just that we are not making a good use of them. If we are going to a tounament in january and we still don`t have a rough idea of the best eleven, that is a problem! By now, we should have known that, and matches such as the one on saturday can then be used to turn them into a team. I`m not a professional, but I know that Cote d `lvoire has one of the best team in the world at the moment and they are going to be one of our opponents in the group stages of the ACN. It`s not looking great guys !

You guys should not waste your time asking for any information on the friendly here. I`ve just returned from the stadium and I can only congratulate anyone that didn`t spend his time watching today`s eyesore; that was 90 minutes of self-imposed psychological torture! No, it has been a long time since I saw a Nigerian side played like that. That was truly catastrophic!! It`s very interesting that you guys are talking about Mikel and Taiwo. I wouldn`t know why the coach was desperate to have them because Mikel didn`t play today and it was late in the second have that he introduced taiwo. Anyway, enough of this weekend rubbish!

This is truly a difficult one! You come across as someone that has got his priorities right. But you need to see this from the angle of your girl-friend a little bit. I`m not into medicine, but the little information available suggests that from the age of 25 women`s fertility begins to drop. When they get to their 30s that decrease is sharp and enormous. Problem is, the same cannot be said of men. It`s for this and other reasons that I will advise you to be a little bit flexible with things. The parents that are worried aren`t worried for nothing; 28 for women is a lot, bro! I do appreciate that you are on the right track, but reciprocate your girl-friend`s understanding by taking cognizance of the limitations impose on her by biology. I`m sure you wouldn`t like to choose between wealth accumulation and childless marriage. Whatever choice you make, may it be to the benefit of both of you. Good luck!

There are many reasons why this break-up is significant. I was reading some of the comments on the ` reading your lover`s e-mail ` thread yesterday and one of the contributors was saying something along the line that those that are not married aren`t really qualified to know how things like that work. Fact is, a relationship such as aisha`s is not all that different from a marriage. It can even be argued that it`s more solid than some. There are some women who would describe themselves as married yet their husbands have wives in each and every continent of the world-those ones have every right to hide their password. The point being made is, this break-up started long time ago! It started when one could not access the mail box of the other; it started when one told the other to respect his/her privacy, ` even though I love you so much ` . These are just some of the signs of a courtship/relationship that is moribund. The fact that you`ve waited till now means that you wanted to make it work, but certain things are not just meant to be. I hope you can become a better person through this. The largest room in this world is the room for improvement. Therefore, try to do the necessary self-appraisal; work on your weaknesses while holding on to your strong points. Opokonwa and wolexojo made an important point in the sense that there are ladies that have more than one lovers at a time, yet they expect their favourite among them to be absolutely devoted! You are not likely to be one of those, but part of becoming a better person is asking yourself some of these tough questions. Everything about you oozes smartness, but I know with love comes vulnerability. Please, don`t allow him to be a constant in your next courtship; that is the last thing you want. I might be a little bit old-fashioned on this, but the only thing that could bring me in contact with any ex is if we bump into each other on the street. I`m sure you know how to do the balancing act so that your next boyfriend doesn`t feel threatened by him.
This would be a difficult time, but the darkest hour is always before dawn-the dawn of a better future. Good luck!

I can`t remember any thread that I`ve found more educative and enlightening than this-not in a very good way though! I mean, what are people really thinking ? Anyway, I`m going to cut the chase and give the poster my humble opinion. Bay1970, it would interest you to know how somebody defined frienship. I repeat, this has to do with FRIENDSHIP, not marriage in any way. According to Aristotle, " A friend is a single soul in two bodies". Now, I will like to believe that a marriage should be an advanced form of frienship. My main advice to you is to prepare for any eventuality in what you are still calling your marrige today; you do have a union, but you don`t have a marriage. What you`ve seen on this thread is the case of majority of those that have your type of union. Whenever we are married to the wrong partner the result is what you are facing. In the grand scheme of things, e-mail address is just too minor a thing to warrant struggling over. If you find it difficult to let your wife read your mail or know your password, it simply means that, even if you are 45 years old, you are still psychologically immatured enough to enter into any marriage. So, I just want you to see her refusal as a sign of things to come. This thread has shown why divorce rates are increasing everyday; some people`s view of marriage is just too bogus. Isn`t there a difference b/w a marriage and a secret societ? It`s no marriage if it doesn`t mean a total acceptance of your partner-ugly mails in the box included.
I still want you to give her the benefit of the doubt though. Please call her and ask why her mail box should be a no-go area for her husband. What she tells you would be revealing. Good luck

Generally speaking, three things make adults behave like a kid and love is one of them
Believe me, lostone, all that you see now are the things that you want to see, not the things that are out there for real. One thing God cannot do, though, is to change the past. Therefore, let`s concentrate on the future. My first advice to you is to make a resolution today that you are going to stop runing after this man. If I were you, I would simply accept the fact that `I`ve made a mistake that led to me being pregnant, I`m now going to concentrate on my work, as well as take a good care of myself`.
Stand back and think about this properly, my sister. In the first place, it`s this man that you have business with not his family per se; it`s him that you are going to marry and live with-not his mum. It`s when your relationship with him is smooth-sailing that family should come in later, not the other way round.
There is one important thing you`ve over-looked b/c you were in love. You said that his ex cheated on him and then left. What does that mean ? It simply means that this man never left his ex, it was his ex that left him. As far as I`m concerned, if that ex should call him tomorrow, apologising and asking him to forget and forgive, it would be game on. Two, even if you marry this man, he is never going to be an ideal husband b/c he is too flexible, he simply doesn`t have a mind of his own. Right now, it`s not going to help trying to explain anything to him b/c the picture that would be coming to the fore is that of a desperate woman that is using pregnancy to achieve another goal(s). Besides, he knows that you are pregnant, give him some space and see what he does next. Should it be real love ,this is the time to know.
By the way, you need to be very careful when dealing with a woman that is desperate to retain her husband; don`t under-estimate what his ex ? could do whenever push comes to shove.
I think this thread has shown a couple of things about you that I`m very proud of. Nelson mandela once said that a good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination. What I want you to know is that you are just unlucky to have ended with this guy. That seems to follow a pattern though. The astonishing thing that experience has shown is that good women tend to end up with losers. So, don`t feel too bad if things do not work out with him b/c every exit is an entry somewhere. I know it would be difficult to give him a break, but that is going to speak louder than any words could.
Hopefully, this and other pieces of advice that have been given by other Nairalanders help you to make the right decisions. It`s from the bottom of my heart that I wish you the best of luck!