₦airaland Forum

bogoshipo:
thanks to all for the advice.

@mutter
u have it all wrong. i went looking because i lost confidence in him, i do not expect him to turn against his family. but i have a strong family man in my dad, i just felt he did not handle the situation as my dad would. my dad is the best father and husband i know. not the typical skirt chasing naija husband. so my fault here is that i compare his reactions to things with my dad. my husband is aware of this fault. i went looking after this family incident happened 2 months ago, it was then that i discovered the 300+ text messages in 2010


we had a fight today. he is frustrated with me, says i was never happy in the marriage and do not care about him. that i'm calling him a criminal when he knows he has not stolen. he wants me to tell him what he can do to make me happy. but cannot tell me anything other than there was nothing going on with the ex. although the explanations sound crazy, but it the truth. i asked about the val's day sim crash he elected to call her and put her on speakers. i said no. but insisted he call the ex and tell her that i'm demanding to know what the they were texting about last yr.

he says he misses me, but i cannot get myself to get over this. he says it is all in my mind that i have decided to be unhappy in the marriage. at this point i do not know what to believe.  i love my husband and he loves me very much too. now i know love is not enough. this is our first major fight, i'm afraid we might not make it out. maybe i wasn't ready for marriage either. i'm someone that has never resolved an issue in a relationship before. i have never stayed long in a relationship, this is my longest .

You should have called his bluff and let him call her. I can bet he would have said you dont trust him. It is for your peace of mind that you find out the truth of the relationship, instead of letting him play mind games with you. I sense that you have gotten hysterical about this situation and have been nagging him. Get yourself together, find out the truth of the nature of the relationship by all means. It is when you know what you are dealing with you can decide how to solve the problem. If it means calling the ex into the issue. There and then you can tell her you do not want the relationship between her and your husband as you are not comfortable with it. I sense you are weak to your husband's wiles. Just stop being emotional and easily malleable. Just find out the truth and decide where to go from there. Challenge him to back up his claims, you want to hear from the ex. I am sure she would not take too likely to someone denying her if they are having a relationship. He has already broken your trust by lying about not being first to contact her and deleting the messages. If they were harmless, you should be able to read it. It is not about being insecure, or lacking trust. If you leave this issue unresolved, it will eat up the relationship and cause bigger problems. Be proactive about your relationship.

I dont know what tribe you belong to and the formalities involved in the wedding. I believe the husband and wife"s family are the ones that agree on the wedding date, and the choice comes from the wife's family. In your culture is it the man's responsibility to pay for the wedding? Is he carrying all that responsibility? Then i advice you go with when he is more comfortable. And i am sure November will be a good time for your family. June may be too soon and emotional. especially when they are still grieving and your dad is not at his best health wise. Between June and November, you may have the chance to spend quality time with him and help heal his broken heart. You will also have to consult with the elder's in your family, and make sure your sister is able to make it to see you in November.

Well OP,
maybe you are a product of ra*pe,violence, or a shameful circumstance.  I believe they are trying to protect you. The issue is, can you handle the truth? If you can, then prepare yourself for the worst and tell your mother that. Also understand that your lover might run away. Who wants to deal with all the issue's associated with such a situation.

mutter:
Poster what does it matter what his in-laws say about your income?
It is a mans duty to fend for his wife. There is no need your husband going to war with his family because of such a trivial issue. In fact that would only turn them against you more.

You must be going through allot of pains after what you saw, those sms etc.
Serves you right---
You have no business going through your husbands phone or spying on him. You were invading his privacy. Marriage is based on trust and not control.

This comment is so judgmental and wrong. Your husband must have repressed you totally. The poster has every right. In marriage, there is no privacy. If she had suspicions she had every right to confirm them. Madam OP, your husband is cheating. It may be physical (highly likely) or emotional. It is best you talk to him to stop and may be call up that woman to find out what is really going on. If you did not fight with his family, you may have been able to use them to get him to see reason. Get in touch with that woman and have a mature conversation with her, do not attack her or anything. So that you can have a clear idea of the nature of this relationship, and if the things your husband told you is true. I believe he is lying. You may also want to know if the pregnancy she is carrying is his. Goodluck.

flak:
I have also asked the question severally why the man doesnt want her to work as all this trouble seems to have stemmed from here and I beleive that if you get to the bottom of that a lot of other things will fall into place.

hi chaircover, if i could answer that question correctly maybe things would have been easier, but my best try will be his innate ability to want to be in control at all times and the same time trying to play the nice guy. i will give u two instances.

One - was at home, he got back from work and said he has seen a place he thinks i would like, i was happy,prepared wrote the test, did an interview, was given a place. with all delight, i prepared to go for training, only for him to say no. i asked why and he said the pay is not worth it. but the time is less tedious and no weekend jobs. if u knew u wouldnt let me take it, why did u inform me. he replied, i did not think about it properly.
my dear i cried my eyes out. only for him to ask me why i am crying that with that job, i would not be able to buy the car i was driving for 5 years.

Two- went out of town for a course, on the morning i was about to start, he called and asked for his car keys, i told him where i kept it because the kids may take it where he put it. he went haywire accusing me of deliberating hiding them so he does not go out to meet his customers while i am away. i asked why would i do that, and a torrent of abuse followed. i tell u if not for the driver that asked me to take it easy, i was so distraught i wanted to forget the course and go back home.

my dear if u think he called me and said ,dear i dont want u to work for so so reason,u are wrong. on a no of occasions,his own younger brother will call me and say i should not deceive myself about looking for a job cos every cv i give him lands in the boot of his car.

u see what i mean by betrayal of trust.

I doubt if it is betrayal of trust. You have a very insecure man that is not comfortable with you potential. You seem like a very brilliant woman, and an achiever and he does not want you to earn more than him. He is competing with you, and trust me if you get a job in that house and make more than him, your troubles would have just started. He seems like an insecure, jealous, fetish and childish individual. I dont think this will ever change as he will always frustrate all your  efforts. Except if for some reason you are able to convince him that your success will not get to your head.

@ OP,

Sit down well and reevaluate your life. Do what ever will make you happy. This life is short and there is no need killing yourself over anyone. No human being is worth your life. Someone that could have the heart to beat you while pregnant and cause lifelong complications for your child. When that child grows up i hope you are able to tell her the truth of why she has to live with that condition, and why she may not be able to find a man that will want to bear the burden of her health problems because you desperately want to remain married. Hopefully the spiritualist will tell him that your death will be the end of his problems and he can come and suffocate you while you sleep. This is a very dangerous man. The fact that he even felt too ashamed to tell the doctor what he did that caused his child's complication shows that he is a selfish coward. And knows that what he is doing is wrong.

Obiagu1:
Why do Yorubas like claiming other people?
They claim Egun, now they claim Akoko-Edo.

Oh i see the da*ft thread you opened didnt get enough attention. You are looking for more. lol.

PhysicsMHD:
How are you not getting this?

They are NOT viewing the use of those names as a proclamation of ethnic identity. If I adopt a 100% Hausa first and last name, how does that make me ethnically Hausa? How does that mean that my children will be ethnically Hausa?

As I said before, Igarras using Yoruba names or other Akoko-Edos taking names from the language that they are using proves nothing about their actual descent. They didn't move there from Ife or Oyo or or wherever in Yorubaland, so stop distorting the truth. I already gave you a quote from someone actually from there disproving your assertion and I already pointed out that many Akoko-Edo have names unique to their own groups, in addition to Yoruba names or instead of Yoruba names, that real Yorubas never wear, so why do you persist with this made-up claim?

The way you have convinced yourself in your mind that they are not Yoruba, is the way i dont get your point. Look, for anyone to assume any name of any tribe a progenitor must have been Yoruba. Igarra and Yoruba people have mixed heavily. I am sure not everyone in Akoko-Edo  are Yoruba, but most are. You can even see it in their marriage rites. No matter how you try to explain it away, people familiar with their culture can pick up on the obvious details. There is no need to keep arguing with you, end of. I have made my point. The craziest thing you could suggest is that a Name does not prove identity. I have nothing to gain by distorting any fact or history. Afterall Akoko-Edo people have assimilated, and are not causing any discord.

PhysicsMHD:
What are you talking about? Does the name Osewa indicate Yoruba descent or Edo descent?

Sophie's last name was given to her by her parents because they were culturally Yorubafied Ondo state people. It was not her parents last name.

And in Akoko-Edo the specific ethnic groups are not "Yoruba descendants" Akoko-Edo is a blanket ethnic term to group together the groups there and the LGA was named after the ethnic term.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-509304.0.html#msg6712837

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-509304.32.html#msg6717915

^^^^

Educate yourself. Those people in Edo state with Yoruba names that aren't actual Yorubas don't claim it because they know who they are. Taking cultural similarity and appropriation to mean descent is simply incorrect.

Okay, whatever you say Mr. Physics, but this one is past your area of expertise. How will someone's parents take a Yoruba name as their last name. Your arguments dont make any sense at all. One of their progenitors has to have been Yoruba. The truth is glaring but you refuse to accept. Besides you nor I can speak for them. But a group of people that continuously give themselves names unique to their surrounding area's should be enough to tell you something. The truth is in the pudding.

Now for the Ijaw's to deal with Edo people. Today na SOS, tomorrow na kidnap.

PhysicsMHD:
Did I say it meant anything in Bini?

Sophie Oluwole is an Edo woman from Ondo state. Her parents gave her a Yoruba name and gave her siblings Edo names.


Akoko-Edo people giving themselves Yoruba names doesn't even mean that they're actually in the same group as the Yoruba groups that are really classified as Yoruba.

So i can say being called Osas doesnt ethnically make you Edo or Bini? Doesnt make sense at all. Sophie's last name still remains Oluwole, doesnt it? If it was an isolated case where someone is named after a friend, then i understand. But a case where people grouped together in one area have the same naming patterns, then you should understand the difference. It is too common in Akoko-edo, and Yoruba's always maintain an aspect of their cultural identity. Your name is your identity and it points to your origin especially in a country of tribes that have specific names. Dont try to trip over yourself. Fact is they are Yoruba descendants and ethnically Yoruba. And there is really no such thing as Edo. If they are not Yoruba then what are they? Bini? Afemai? Estako? Esan? They must belong to an existing group. If you can tell me the group they belong to, then you have an argument.

PhysicsMHD:
You're just not getting it are you? They are not Yoruba. They are not in Afenifere, not in OPC, etc. etc. etc. because they know who they are.

Merely having Yoruba names doesn't make you ethnically Yoruba. There are so many shared words between Edoid and Yoruboid languages and those Edoid groups on the periphery of the Edoid language group that border Yoruba have even more similarity with Yorubas to the point where they share names. But if you actually look at what kind of names they (Akoko Edo) bear you find that in addition to "Yoruba" names, they have many names that real ethnic Yorubas never bear.

And what's this about Benin and Edo people will never bear "Yoruba" names? Tayo Akpata (Bini), Femi Okun (Bini), Ambrose Folorunsho Alli (Esan), Sophie Oluwole (Bini), etc. etc. It goes on and on.

Says you. what does oluwole mean in Bini, translate all these names in bini for us.lol. IF they are not ethnically Yoruba why do they keep giving generation after generation Yoruba names? No matter how you try to explain it away, naming has a lot to do with culture, tradition and ethnicity. Dont be scared, they are not threatening you in anyway. Yoruba and Edo have coexisted for 100's of years.

Good news, we will see what will happen to this bill. Will GEJ have the guts to sign it into law? Knowing what he did in Bayelsa? We may just have to wait for another president or pressure him to sign it. I doubt if he would want to do this especially if he intends to rig the elections. Not too optimistic here.

PhysicsMHD:
Having a Yoruba name is not evidence of being Yoruba in the ethnic sense. Culturally close, but not ethnically Yoruba.

Yoruba news on EBS Benin?   You probably took some shared words as being Yoruba.

Akoko- Edo is for the most part Yoruba. Hard for you to believe. Those people have been living there for years, do you think Yomi or Modupe is edo or benin? They bear their Yoruba names to maintain their ethnic identities, obviously. Benin and Edo people will never bear Yoruba names. Living in a place for 100's of years does not all of a sudden make you Edo. Yoruba's just dont shout like Igbo's when they populate a place. They respect the owners of the place.

afam4eva:
The only revolution i foresee happening in Nigeria is an ethinic based one. Nigerians don't love each other so much to go start a revolution together.

Do you know how many tribes are in Libya? Gaddafi's tribe is not even the major tribe. Hausa tribe is even said to be in Libya. SO dont underestimate the human spirit, it can happen when pushed far enough. June 12 showed Nigerian leader's that we are capable. Just another small push is required. And they are learning from the mistakes of Libyan's, make no mistake about it. Nigerian's are a very smart and inventive bunch. These thieves may only be able to escape with the shirts on their backs after all is said and done.

Beaf:
^
In touch at 11pm? That would be one hell of a hardworking judge! Lol!

As that may be the case.
But who knows if they were not working on tight deadlines and consulting the judge who was kind enough to be available to all parties? This case is a flop and has no backbone. Call logs do not prove anything except you have call recordings or excerpts which is totally against the law. All i see is PDP seriously violating the law, and if people do not fight them over this show of shame then we lose our right to privacy. Soon they will bug people's phones and bring evidence for us. They have turned themselves to police and thief. There is a limit to PDP gra gra, we have laws in Nigeria.

Ileke-IdI:
What's the difference between Ojuwku and olympic runners?

Wait for it. . . .



                       Wait for it. . . .


                                                            . . . . One runs [b]for [/b]1st place, another runs [b]from [/b]battle

I see the FG is trying to use reverse psychology here by advising us not to think about it.
Nigerian's are already hungry and very angry. If memory serves me right the whole revolution started by 1 SLAP of a petty trader by a law enforcement official. So you see, it doesnt take much. Tomorrow it may be just one push or a killing by a soldier and all hell will let loose. The FG knows Nigerian's are learning from the mistakes of the Libyan people and it is only a matter of time before they are cornered. They should continue with business as usual, one day monkey go go market, and come back as smoked bush meat. Also, when Nigerian's do anything, they always overdo and outdo. Poverty and deprivation goes across ethnic lines. Less than 5000 people enslaving 140million. The day wahala gas, these people will have no escape. FG stop using reverse psychology and start changing.

Very disappointing. GEJ again. This man does not have principles or shame. At least if you are going to lose, lose honorably and go away with your pride in tact. Not making yourself into a joke.

Are we also by chance considering the fact that he was the judge in this case and would most likely have been in touch with counsel's from both parties? These call logs do not prove anything. Judges actually are in touch with lawyer's who have cases in their court. So the mere speculation and concoction of bull shi*t by PDP is all to take attention away from the CJN. The CJN should be sacked and relieved of his job. I cannot wait for the NBA's probe. I would think PDP should be able to effectively prove their case, and would have fought the judgments if they thought they were in the right, and rightfully won those states.They have the means (money and connection), far more than ACN. Nigerians are not deceived.

Ify27:
I wanna know how often young igbo teens/men smoke ganja, and why it is soo easy for them to obtain?

where are they getting these drugs from?!!!

Because they are Igbo, Igbo= weed. Nothing more, nothing less.

Obiagu1:
@ the bolded

I now understand why Yorubas are cowards and bitchy. No wonder.

It must really really suck to be Igbo. Chai! See you in pain after learning the truth.

Andre Uweh:
Boy, you got it wrong. Ndigbo are not claiming Delta state and Never. The point is that there is Igbo in 9 LGA's of Delta state. You guys are the ones who are even claiming Kwara state, a state that has Nupes, Fulanis etc. This is a fact you can not deny.

Yoruba's are claiming Kwara? rotflmao. Kwara IS YORUBA! FACT! Yoruba Empire went all the way to Abuja, there are some people in Abuja towns that go by Yoruba names. Dont kill yourself oh.

semasir:
@Tewmuch:

that's investigatory of you. I find it good when we share common thoughts on the positives though to enlighten ourselves.
I guess you meant LTV and not the NTA?

Anyway back to sane people, I am trying to educate you on what has been lost in translation and what you dont know. So that elements like the Obiagu whose culture makes them talk like wild animals will not deceive you. i meant LTV8, sorry about that and i never claim what i dont know. Yoruba go waaaay back and always proud to identify ourselves as Yoruba. This actually disproves the fact that Yoruba is an European/hausa concoction. The group Yoruba has been known as Yoruba forever. And yes we know our history and people very very well. We dont claim people that are not ours, never have and never will. Maybe Egun lost their history over the years. But we have seen them ask the Alaafin for clarification on if they are "Anago" and foreigner's as some elements in Ogun wanted to use as an excuse to take over their lands. So you see, there is more than kinship and blood. In Ghana Yoruba have over 50 villages, but they do not speak OUR Yoruba or bear our Yoruba names.

http://www.worldlingo.com/ma/dewiki/en/Tabom_People

"Accordingly, the Egun Concerned Group strongly disagreed with the attempt to derisively referred to them as Anago which the Egun said there is no where in the history of Yoruba land some sections were called Anagos.

While making reference to their fact finding mission to Oyo Alaafin during the Alaafin of Oyo's birthday in 2006 and 2008 to find out if there was any tribe bearing Anago in Yoruba History and that the Alaafin denied it."

Why will they ask the Alaafin about their history?
http://www.compassnewspaper.com/NG/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=47845:egun-faults-bodys-claim-on-ogun-community-&catid=42:commune&Itemid=796

semasir:
@PhysicsMHD: I don't mean to play down your intelligence and as well don't mean to insult you but that's rude of you not knowing what you really want to say. The Yoruba word "EGUN" with the ascent (re re) is far too different from "ÈGÙN" with the ascent (do do). These two words are only synonymous in spellings but not in pronunciation, they are two WIDE and distinct words. Always make posts of things so sure and confirmed please.

You have freedom to be whoever you want to be. No one is forcing you. Besides fashola has given egun people a spot on nta to promote their language so it doesnt seem like Awori's are trying to take advantage. However, Yoruba kingdom stretched very far and its descendants are far and wide. Most Egun people have 50% or more yoruba blood in them over centuries of mixing and intermarriage. I found this interesting article on the Ga-adangbe preferable the La asafo who claim ancestral descent from Ile-ife. Language changes as people migrate. People assimilate and borrow words.

"THE NUBIAN TONGUE PRESERVES ITS AUTHENTICITY BY ABIDING TO ITS ANCIENT SPIRITUAL LEGACY. THIS IS EVIDENT IN THE ADA LANGUAGE OF THE GA-ADANGBE SUB-NATION, WHICH RETAINED THE ANCESTRAL NAME "NIMLOR" SPELT BY THE MODERN HEBREW,GREEK OR LATIN AS "NIMROID". THUS, A SAYING IN THE ADA LANGUAGE;- 'NOR NOR TSHAPI "NIMLOI" OR "NOMLOI", LITERALLY MEANS ;THIS PERSON IS NOT A "NIMROID" (NIMLOI). THIS SAYING IS ADDRESSED TO A PERSON WHO DO NOT POSSESS THE CHARACTERISTICS AND QUALITIES OF "NIMLOI" AS A WARRIOR, KING, AN ORACLE OR A PERSON OF HOLY SPIRITUAL PRACTICES. THEREFORE, A PERSON WHO IS NOT A GOOD PERSON, OR ANY PERSON OR PERSONS WHO WILL DO ANYTHING BAD MAY BE ADDRESSED AS "NOR NOR TSHAPI NIMLOI".

MANY THOUSANDS OF YEARS B.C. THE “ADA/KROBO”, “GA,” “GBE” AND OTHER RELATIVE NATIONS WERE PART OF THE "YOOHUBA" NATION (YORUBA), THEN PART OF THE SUMA/ UBAIDA PEOPLE WHO WERE ATTACKED OUT OF THEIR LAND BY TERRORISTS AND VANDALS. DUE TO THESE ATTACKS SOME OF THE NUBIANS WERE ENSLAVED WITHIN THEIR OWN NATIONS AND SUB NATIONS AND MOST OF THEM RELOCATED TO MANY RELATIVES AREAS ON THE NUBIAN CONTINENT NOW CALLED “AFRICA”. MOST CHANGED THEIR NATIONS NAMES DUE TO SECURITY REASONS, AND OTHER NAMES WERE CHANGED DUE TO EUROPEAN COLONIZATION, COUPLED WITH RELIGION AND LANGUAGE CONVERSIONS.

MANY OF THE (UBAIDAN) “IBADA” PEOPLE THEN OF THE SUMA TERRITORY CAN BE FOUND AMONG MANY TERRITORIES IN THE PRESENT AFRICA, MOSTLY IN NIGERIA'S YORUBA. YOO-RU-BA = THE FEMALE COUNTER-PART OF THE SUPREME DIVINE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. THE MALE COUNTER-PART IS "NU". "
http://discussions.ghanaweb.com/viewtopic.php?t=79565&sid=0f58de18fe90f72f9961545e83a83931
Even Lamurudu/Nimrod is mentioned

EzeUche_:
I support the Egun people and their question to preserve their culture and language from Yoruba hegemony.

Obiagu1:
So Yorubas are claiming Egun

Sure, just like Igbo are claiming Delta people who swear violently that they are not Igbo. I knew you people will jump on this to prove something but you have missed the boat here. There are dialects and cultural influences. My link also proves Ezeche's denial that Yoruba's went as far as Ghana.