₦airaland Forum

I really need wise counsel and will try to make this post as short as possible

My girlfriend and I have been together since 2015. I left Naija in 2017 and since then, our relationship has been more of long distance except for the one time I came back. While I truly love her and wish to Marry her, there are some things that are giving me concerns and I would like to hear other people's perspective:


1- When I met my girl in 2015, I was an unemployed graduate wrapping up my NYSC. She was a fashion designer/Tailor and didn't have any formal higher education (University Level).

2- Fast forward to 2021, I am a consultant in a fortune 500 company and have grown so much in any measurable aspect of Life. My girlfriend is still a fashion designer and not too long ago, I helped her get a shop in Lagos and Have been sending her steady allowance (at least average of 40-50k a month).

Here are the things that have given me a lot of worries:
1- I know everyone will not get a formal education and I am fine with that but my girl has not been hustling/pulling her weight in her chosen career despite my extra support.... I sometimes get the feeling that all she wants is to get married and get comfortable but I want an industrious woman. Formal education or not, I want a woman that can hussle!

2- Recently, I pretended to be unemployed because of Coronavirus just to see if she would send me some money (even if its 10k) or really, anything she can afford. Looking at the fact that I had always supported her month after month, I wanted to see if she would do the same for me.
I pretended to be unemployed for almost a month and did not receive any form of financial support from her. Even when I directly asked her to loan me small money, she would play it off by saying something like "I go write you check for 1 million sef".....

I am thinking of breaking it off at this point by slowly letting her go but before I do that, I want the perspective of people here.
Please, no insult! I am genuinely seeking your insight. Be kind!

ps. My family are doing really well and I support anything they do. I have never neglected my family in anyway, shape or form.

Sunsets:
What is this?

U gonna tell me u don't feel same way?

so sad

You see this country, my brother forget! We deserve the bad leadership we get!

BafanaBafana:
The proof that the massacre took place is that CNN reported it. Very funny I must say. Even the haters aka Trump lovers are now cheering CNN.
There was shooting at Lekki toll gate, no doubt about that, but the question is, who was killed?
There has never been a time in this country where people are killed by the government and no family or friends can come out to say they were killed. This is the defence they put up when we ask them to tell us who was killed. Curious individuals even contributed money as reward for anyone who can come up with at least a verifiable identity of someone killed, all we hear is that the government also wants to kill them.
Same people who were forcing the Buhari is dead and Buhari is a clone theory down our throats now wants is to believe that some unknown persons were massacred by the Nigerian government.

I understand your sentiment but at this point, I have to question your motive or intention for doubting the fact that the Nigerian Army and police opened fire on unarmed civilians protesting for the good of all Nigerians.

First, there has been numerous witnesses interviewed by various media outlet with all of them saying damnn near the same thing.
See the links below and educate yourself.
Even in the law court, if multiple witnesses accuse you of something and you do not have any exculpatory evidence to prove otherwise, you'll go down for it. Please stop being so blindly partisan in this matter! We are all Nigerians and at this point, you need to go against whoever is paying you assuming there is one!


https://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/headlines/423823-investigation-bullets-blood-death-untold-story-of-what-happened-at-lekki-toll-gate.html

https://www.cnn.com/2020/11/18/africa/lagos-nigeria-lekki-toll-gate-feature-intl/index.html

He lost his mother in Prison.
Anytime I Read his story, I cry!!

Laycon still hasn't realized he's the only actual celeb that people would recognize in their midst! I hope he got paid sha

Sammy07:
Well, bro you know very well how I've Been against Igbos here.
But those burning Lagos and assets are also Yorubas.

You know very well that we have equal Apc and PDP in Yorubas.
So we have many Pro tinubu and anti Tinubu.


My only prayer is that, the destruction in Lagos should die down quickly so as not to spread to other Yorubaland, if not.

There will be unrest in the west, it has happened before.

Cc: NnwayiOgwashi, I saw your post earlier, I agreed to what u wrote.

Nwanne stop engaging him.
Stop engaging him!!!

He is a 100% government paid agent out to create problem in the south

My brothers from the West and East, more than ever, we have to stay united.
I am noticing the divide and rule tactics of the federal government is beginning to gain grounds all over social media!

Don't defend Tinubu or sanwo-olu! They knew the intentions of the federal government and enabled it by turning off the lights and cameras. They could've raised alarm to warn the people but they didn't!! The bullet at the toll gate couldn't distinguish igbos or yorubas or hausas.

On Igbo websites, sponsored agents are already sowing discord and saying the casualties in the North and West are mostly Igbos!!

THEY ARE PLAYING US!! PLEASE AND PLEASE AND PLEASE AND PLEASE DO NOT FALL FOR IT!!!!!


I am a proud igbo man and I am united with my Yoruba brothers and sisters in this time.
We have a common enemy!! Maybe later we will continue our sibling rivalry but for now, we move as one!!!!

Anyone that pays such amount for a child h/she wants to adopt and raise as their own should not be antagonized.
Rather, the adoption process should be regularized and done legally.
They should be guided on the right way to do it and the agency in charge of adoptions should step up!!

Rahkman:
See as she sexy die hope say dem no touch her

oga if na u, u no go touch am?
This one na pure enjoymentt.... sha those kidnappers enjoy even if them no see money!

They don enjoy this one pieces.
Choi!! See body!!

The dead is dead but the daughter is still alive.
Imagine waking up one morning and then within the day, watch your father get killed and you get kidnapped.
That is a scene right out of a horror movie and its unfortunate that the Nigerian government lets it persist unabated.

magicminister:
Loool

Blackface is speaking based on his level of understanding and exposure.

The average Nigerian child is raised to “respect” his or her elders without questions asked. That is why that little 11 year old girl(Favour Okechukwu) was lured away from her path because she was raised to be respectful and she automatically trusted the much older person that abducted her and eventually murdered her.

We need to start raising our children to respect those that have EARNED THE respect. Respect should not be freely given to anyone simply because of their age. Of course, I don’t expect you to walk around disrespecting anybody but I also don’t expect you to hold back from speaking your mind or fighting for your rights simply because someone a mofuckaaa older than you!!

Buhari hasn’t earned my respect and the respect of many Nigerians.

Went through a bunch of your posts and I must admit that you have a very admirable personality.
Hopefully in the future we will have people like you running for political offices. I love the way you think and present things.
God bless.

YorubaNinja:
Displaying opulence in the face of abject poverty! Typical average 9ja mentality...

This dude's mentality is no different from the typical poor 9ja folk despite the fact he's well travelled. What has he learned? Nothing I guess.

But he worked hard for it nah!!
Let him enjoy the fruits of his hard work. E no easy my brither.

NO MATTER HOW BAD THINGS GET BETWEEN ME AND MY WOMAN/EX OR WHATEVER, IF YOU DISRESPECT HER LIKE THIS, I WILL HAVE MY GUYS KIDNAP YOU AND BREAK ALL YOUR FINGERS. THEN TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL AND PAY THE BILLS TO GET IT FIXED!

deewhydoski:
How much are u sending ur mum in Nigeria every month?
Be honest in your answer

This would be the last time i will address this question.

All my family have now joined me abroad and are living with me.
God has been good and things worked out and now they are all doing well and trying to go to the next level.

Airtimex:
Somebody said you should trust your instinct. do just that brother...

Yeah, I believe that is the answer to this!

i926:
Buhari and his other goons are defrauding 200m people and 1 out of the defrauded 200m is defrauding another mr nice guy probably living in a sane country..
If she doesn't defraud you, who else will??

This life truly no balance

Oga, I almost stopped reading your story, when I got to the 2nd paragraph because I know it will end in tears.

In 2009, my coz wanted to marry a girl and then send her to same university that I finished from, before he travels abroad. I told him the hard truth, the probability of me protecting this beautiful girl in school is zero, and the chances of her banging lecturers, her course mates, or other students is 97%. He listened. He is married to a woman he met over there.

Oga, do you think as you are sending her monthly stipend, she is going to be faithful and won't lie to you? Maybe, she's innocent but for your bullsh!t alarm to be raised means something is wrong. Tell her yes, you don't trust her.

For you not to be in a deeper sh!t, you have to be logical in your thinking.

Some men dey try sha.

Good luck

I am not sending the money to buy her loyalty. Loyalty can't be bought.
I am sending it cos I want her to be reasonably comfortable.
If you love someone, you look out for them if you are in a position to do so.

Dangrace01:
Hope you are sending this amount of money monthly for family members like your mom

Please go through the comments.
My family are doing incredibly well.
My immediate family members have all relocated and living with me and we God has been good to us.

J111333:
If this incident is the only reason you lost trust in her, my guy, have a rethink.

Honestly, she hasn't done anything wrong here. She might have been saving from her business and the 40k you send every month so she deserves an applause, not humiliation. How can you order her to send you a picture of her bank statement?Are you her father?

If she is a loyal partner and has loved you unconditionally for 5years, my guy don't dump that girl to avoid regrets later.

This is just my personal opinion.

Bro mi, I am not trying to humiliate her but the thing be say she has never ever ever mentioned any savings to me until she wanted to get a shop.
She knows how much I make and when I was struggling as an uber driver in the cold winter or as a food delivery guy, she knew those times...
All I am saying is that I believed that we kept an open and honest communication in our relationship!.....

Sending her upkeep money every month was not because i am rich but because i believed i would marry her and wanted her to be okay and not lack.... Even if she was saving the money, I think she should have mentioned it looking at the fact that month after month, when i asked how much she had in her account, It was never above 10k.

i926:
Sorry man but this was a gross mistake on your part.

Classifying Nigerians as money tasty mou'fvckers and singled out a female spotless and less devious angel out of the many, as the one that is holy. Not even his mom..smh

Congratulations you are wise.

Try reading to understand first before speaking.
The naija people i know strictly refers to only those in my circle.
God has been good to me and my parents and sibling are all living with me now and we are quite comfortable.

even if i be mumu, i made sure to take care of my parents and all my siblings first.
Sister is in school, brother just graduated, mom just got a job and dad just chilling.

That girl was the only person in my close circle that i haven't helped to relocate.

Tobiloba2407:
Oga you are a mumu, stop defending rubbish

If it was the other away around, i wouldn't want her to leave me simply because she is moving abroad.
Sometimes, you gotta put the shoe on the other foot to see the perspective of the person you're dealing with.

santos123:
You be mumu!! Long distance relationship in this bad era

Please no insult. Lets respect each other and have a cordial and friendly conversations.
Take care.

Hambivert:
Sparogatively... a standardt guy insists on his opinion if it's generally thought to be wise!

You have moved on mentally and you still want to send her the 150k and after that block her everywhere without her doing wat u requested for¿

Op you are not a standardt guy!

I am a man of my word!
I promised her the money without conditions and that remains "standard".

AmazingELixir:



My brother please quit being a Simp....your supposed girlfriend have found you a fertile pasture to pluck money from..

What were you even thinking counting on the loyalty of a female partner in this country at this age and time when you're thousands of kilometres away.

Even those here with their girlfriends cannot trust them to remain loyal for a month apart let alone 5 whole years and in a foreign country.

Op my advice to you is to give her N100k certainly not the N150k she asked for and please do find yourself a decent lady close to you there..loyalty in long distant relationships is seldom faithful.

Wish you the best of luck my brother, we will yet survive them all.

Well, the reason I am still with her is because we were together before i moved out of the country and i saw no reason for things to change even though the geography has changed. I never doubted her and supported as soon as i got to a position where i am able to support.
Now, i just feel like dammmnnn!! If i can't trust her, then what is the point?
People in Naija always trying to get money from me which is normal but never saw this coming from someone i loved.

emillysmigael:
She is innocent till proven guilty...

I don't believe there is a wrong or right here.
The fact is that there is no evidence to prove that there is 240k savings on her part - No bank statement screenshot
There is also no evidence to prove there is actually a store - No pictures
Also, all the while I have been sending her "upkeep" money, she has never indicated she had savings - Facts


Those are the facts.
I hate relying on my imagination to connect the dots but there are more questions than answers here

I have a situation going on in my life right now with the woman that I love and i need your perspective in this situation.

]

Wooow!!

Really not a lot to be honest!

habibi