₦airaland Forum

@ Seun
Her point is that, she doesnt mind relocating to Nigeria but she needs to get her citizenship there(which she will in a matter of 3 or 4 years) before going back to Nigeria but the guy can't visit her because he can't get a visa without them being married. So she is the one doing all the visiting, when she can. She therefore thinks getting married will solve the visa problem and they can still be far apart like before till she's got wot she wants. the guy doesn't want to relocate abroad, so thts not an option.

this issue is really bothering her, dunno how to advise her.

I'll really like to know what you guys think about newly married living in different continents. Is it detrimental or can it be managed without disaster striking the home. A friend of mine is thinking of getting married to this guy who's established in nigeria but she doesnt want to live in nigeria for now, till the nxt 3 or 4 yrs for a reasonable reason. Is it advisable ?

i intend to name my 4 kids:
males ; Temidayo and Temilolu

Females ; Temilade and Temilola

(might be middle names tho)

I think the older galz tht are yet to be married, but really want to someday might feel their married friends are being cheeky when they ask ''whatz up wiv mr right?'' simply because they feel inferior so to speak, maybe jealous, about the married friends.
I feel this is so because whilst they are all still single, they all ask and talk about their suitors and toasters, so why shd it ring a diff bell when ur friend who is now married is asking abt ur scores. I have seen this break up a long term happy friendship, not one but twice. and i wonder why.

honestly, if it was me, i'd forgive him(not instantly, definitely after a lot of begging and crawling ) but i'll have a few words for him.

Alot of nice proposal ideas here and alot of dangerous ones 

But what about people like me that never got proposed to. . . the music tune just changed to marriage songs. . . no rings, no mushy mushy proposal, no proposal at all self, we just know we r right for each other and started plans on tying the knots.

Would have loved a beautiful romantic (but not anyway in the public) proposal, but i still love my guy all the same and would marry him even if i had to propose to him myself.

if you really love to hv a twin, and you don't, just have 2 babies within a year, and they'll look like twins. lol.
or betterstill adopt a baby with the same or nearly the same birthdate as ur baby and let thm grow up togeda as twins.

or get fertility treatment even though you are fertile, you may prolly hv septuplets, . . how abt tht ?

Plus not everyone wants to run a boutique, shop or wot wot. . . I personally don't like it one bit.

I don't know about others but i have been at home for about a year doing nothing but babysitting my cousins kids, and to tell you what, its damn boring ! Its fun for a while when they are running about and you are chasing and cleaning up after them, but it gets tiring and boring after a while.

I'll rather support leaving your work to care for them when they are yet to start school, when they are in the school age, you return to work and reschedule your working hours to give you enough time with your kids.

But left to me, i'll go to work after at most 6months of delivery, and joggle work and motherhood. Would take my baby to a creche and if needed reduce my hours of work(like a part time thing)

@ Sweet T, i understand you may find it really hard to swallow because you've bin through it too. I know how heart broken he was at the news, i didn't ask for him to have me back cause i knew i would be asking for too much, i personally believe in facing the consequencies of ones actions. I was ready to face a lifetime of lost love and blame no one but myself. I honestly was ready to remain single and spend all my time at work and in church. I was eating whatever bcause i didnt have to look good for no one or attract nobody. I stopped visiting my friends and family and most of the time i was either sleeping, on the net or eating(that is when i'm not at work or in church) I thought i wasnt worth loving no more. I'm not the promisquos type and only God knows how i got mysef in the mess.

Anywayz to answer your question Sweet T, i honestly believe my man has forgiven me, he can't forget and neither can i. Its all in our past and we've learnt to move from the past, live happily in our present and focus our future.

@sweet T, It's so easy to judge others from the distance, i don't expect a pat at the back for all i did, ofcourse they were the most abominable things (Having sex with another man-whether protected or not, killing my 1st child with abortion, betraying the one and only true man i have ever loved) I can't kill myself because of my mistakes, i could have done but it will only lead to more pains both for me(in hell) and for my family and loved ones.

However, i really do not need anybody else's forgiveness but God's, myself and my man. I have been lucky to get the 3, and no matter what anybody else say to put me down, to make me live in the past, won't work.

My fiance was in his right senses when he forgave and accepted me, he could have done otherwise.

What i don't know is why anybody would be happy in making others depressed, Anyways, thts all in my past, and they say wotever doesnt kill u makes u stronger.

Thnx 4 all the contributions.

Thanks again y'all. Called her on phone yesterday, she was kind of in a good mood cause she picked the call and we chatted for about 2 mins (an improvement of the less than 1 min usual calls) She was even asking about my work(says she learnt some people were made redundant in my company).I was kind of happy she could talk like that, I hope it lasts, Told my fiance about it, talked him into calling her, which he did but she didn't pick her phone nor returned the call.(prolly she's still vexing with him)

Thanks guys, My fiance isn't even on talking terms with her for now, cuz she said smthg about me (but he wouldn't tell me what, he said '' Titi, you don't want to know what she said'') But he raked for her bigtyme, telling her he hopes she realises, i am his elder brother's wife, tho younger than she is, but whatever respect she gives to him, should be given to me too. I think she was arguing, then he dropped the call on her, and since then, they haven't spoken to each other.

I've been trying to persuade him to call her and just keep the peace but he's isn't giving in, would keep trying tho, cuz i wont like mom in law to know they're quarrelling because of me. I just want peace for the sake of the family. Goodness! I haven't even married him yet. dunno what she'll do when i start to bear her lastname.

Thanks for all the replies, i'll take your advice and call her this evening, i bet she'd be ''busy and will call me back later as usual''. But i'll do as cool advised

Cool:
Next day, call your mum-in-law and while talking with her, just mention in passing that you called Sister Bleep y'day but she was busy then. Don't complain about her attitude at all. Repeat the process about 2 other times but on the 3rd occassion, request your mum-in-law to pleeeeaaassee remind her to call you when she's freer. Thereafter, if she doesn't call you, just call her once a while until everyone settles in because you both will settle to a rhythm at some point in time.

Thanks y'all again, i'll keep you posted .

I've been trying to call her oh, but she's either not picking her call or her phone is switched off, got to talk with her atlast and she goes'' i'll call you back later, i'm busy right now'', ever since (that was like 2 weeks ago) she hasn't called back. Talked with my fiance mom today, and she was like '' so so says she hasn't heard from you in ages, why haven't you called her'' I felt like saying why can't she call me once for a change if she's so missing me as such. Goodness! she sounds like you're disturbing her with your call and she keeps saying to her mom, titi doesnt call me. Said i'll call her tonight just for peace, but i aint calling s**t! she can sod off !! We're both in the same country so we both spend the same amount to call.

Thanks 'y'all. I'll try my best to give her the required respect and i hope she doesn't overstep her boundary. We hardly talk anywayz, and when we do its all formal and within a minute the phone conversation is over.

odada:
ADDICTED?no way men not me,okay lets do some little stats:

1.In 24 hrs I tend to spend an average of 6-10 each day on Nairaland!
2.Whenever I start up my computer the first two internet windows I open are my yahoo mail and Nairaland!!
3.When I got banned for about 3days everyone knew?my dad girlfriend sisters even the guy that sells drinks in the downtown pub I hangout in because I wouldnt stop whinning?
4.I make it a point of duty to reply post and drop an average of 5 a day!when am out of the house I keep thinking whats going on in the forum and that I am missing something!then I speak alot about funny/interesting/innovative/knowledgeable topics I read on Nairaland with my family,friends,girlfriend,colleagues,,,anyone that cares to listen!
5.I have made alot of friends through this forum even hit 'em on the PM and chat,am proudly Nigerian and love to be associated with this global forum of seun's :-Xehm,,, Nigeria I mean.
So you tell me am I ADDICTED or what?cause to me it sounds pretty much like LOVE

No @odada, you aint addicted, you're just a nl abuser

soulpatrol:
i don't dash people the title "aunty/uncle" just because they demand it. they have to earn it, or i say it when if i feel like it. simple!

Thats the point, noone needs to clamour for it, if you deserve it, you'll earn it. And you aren't given, it doesnt change a thing bout yourself,once you make yourself respectable, you'll surely be respected (aunty or no aunty)  respect is reciprocal.

Titilayomi - my joy is forever

@soulpatrol, lol you got me wrong.(can't imagine calling my own brother's wife aunty- except he marries someone really older than he is ) My sister in law to be ( my fiance's sister) wants the sister/aunty title, which is okay cuz she's 2 yrs older than i am. But i have a brother who's the same age as my sis inlaw to be, whom i don't call no brother sh*t. On a gd day, you don't go about calling 2/3 yrs older peeps bro/uncle or sis/aunty, just this inlaw wahala of a thg.

The thing pass me o, .Why must anybody clamour for aunty or uncle, honestly, its just BS. I'm in it now too, just tht mine still dey a bit fair,atleast she's 2yrs older than i am, though my own brother who is 2yrs older than me, i no dey call am broda, or uncle or wat not.

Thanks adeboo, she isn't even hiding her jealousy at all, atleast i have brothers as well and i get on well with their wifes and girlfriends, so i don't see any reason why she should be beefing me for no reason. She's got a fiance too, why is she then jealous ?
Ile oko, ile eko ma ni o, smthg wey she no fit talk to me on a gd day if b say we met on neutral levels. Anywayz for the sake of peace, i've bin calling her sister so so, but when its me and my man, i call her by name o.

Can you imagine her asking her brother(my fiance), when she heard we were getting married soon, if he really likes me enuff to tht extent. He told her, he doesnt like me, and she was like , wat ? he said I love her. . . maybe its because of how my man shows me off in front of them(he does evrywhr and to evryone o).

I've decided to keep to myself, cause i believe i've tried my best. I don't dislike her at all, just that i hope she doesn't do more than she's trying to do now after we're married.

This is cute cute cute.

My fiance's younger sister doesn't seem to like me. When i call her, she's always busy and will call me back later, but would never call. I'm a reserved kind of person and when i keep to myself and don't call her, she tells her mom and my fiance's mom always go on about me not calling my iya oko(thts my fiance's younger sister). The older sisters are always so nice to me, calling me even if i don't and his mom too. It's only the younger sister that's always giving me ''attitude''

She called my fiance recently and was talking about me, he raked for her and dropped the call on her, but he didn't tell me exactly wot she said about me.

I feel funny about this and i don't know how to react to her, she wants me to call her ''sister or aunty'' so so (and i okayed it cuz she's older than me anywayz by 2yrs+)

i have really hit the wall with her, and i don't know how else to behave to her.

on and off. But i must confess, i always have a good laff here even when i feel really down.

Can more pictures of the contestants be posted plz. We need to see thm in different attires, plus a head to toe assessment would be needed to cast our vote for the ''right candidate''. We also need to read comments from them. This should be about BEAUTY AND BRAINS.

Beating isn't the ultimate punishment, Like i said earlier, my dad das never whooped me like you would a horse in the race, but he has corrected me with lots of punishment, you'd prefer been beaten to. Just that the act of lashing out appears too aggressive in nature, he'd afterwards, make sure you understand why you had to be punished and corrected.

I'd prefer that philosophy to whooping my kids, it somehow doesn't look right to me, note, ''to me''

But if my hubby feels thats the best way he can correct a child, i'd only try my best to make him see otherwise. But NONEOTHER dare lash out at my kids.(either by slapping, knocking, hitting, or canning). _{temi ni yen o}

Seun:
Hmmm, I love your dad's philosophy, but I wouldn't even allow my wife (if any) to beat my child at all.
It will be in our marriage contract. If she wants to beat the child, she must get a divorce first. That's my own!

Haba seun, why would you divorce your wife because she beats your child, afterall she gave birth to the child. She went thru the nine months and labor pains and she won't be cruel to her own blood, she's only trying to correct him/her in her own way, you can only advise her against it.

i think i was last beaten by my mom (my dad doesn't) when i was in jss3, and thts like 12yrs ago. The only beating were from school teachers on general punishment cuz i never get in trouble. And my bros or uncles or aunts dare not lift a hand on me(none has ever even tried it except my siblings- and its more of fighting each other as the eldest is just 3 yrs older than me. My dad wont have anyone beat his daughter except my mom.

@sweethang, since your fiance is trying his best, then i believe its a matter of time, and she'll get it in that, he's someelse's husband now tho he remains her son. My own lil advice is that you should stay in the background of it though, don't do the untying vividly with your man or else she might think you're all out to steal him away from her and then she'll want to fight more, tooth and nail to have him to herself. I feel the woman too, you know it aint easy letting go of an only child. . .

shalom.

na wa oh. . . some people sef dey advise.

Why would anybody advice a 15 yr old girl to have sexual r/ship at all, not to talk of having it with an ex criminal who threatens to smash her face within 2 months of their r/ship. Now talking about her under or over studying him is just unthinkable.
For petesakes, she's only 15, would u give the same advice to your sis or your daughter ? What goes around comes around o.

to the poster, you'd be better off focussing on goin to the uni or any higher educational institute and try to keep your mind off sex for a long time atleast till you're about 20 and in a serious and decent relationship. Don't join the pram pushing club at this your promising age. It pays to wait. You'll be more happy and comfortable in future if you wait.

borrowing you my 50kobo

I honestly think it's the guy's responsibility to untie the strings from his mom's apron and tie it to his wife's.
I understand it may seem uncaring and unappreciative to the mother, but for the sake of his own nuclear family (the mother becomes an extended family from the day he says i do).

My fiance is the only male in his family plus the father left them since he was 2 years old, so he's the mom's husband(like the yoruba's say omo eni loko eni). To be fair, the mother gives us our space but i think its because of how my fiance deals with the situations. He loves his mom to pieces but he tells me he loves me more. If she calls his phone, he tells me to pick the call, only if she really has smthg to tell him that he'll collect the phone n talk with her. otherwise he'll call her himself later to say hi. He'll buy credit and ask me to send it to his mom on my phone, if he wants to give her some money, he'll ask me to go get it and give to her. When she sends a txt to either of our phones its hello ''mr and mrs'' because she knows we'll both get to read it.

so i think the lady should pipe low, stay in the background whilst the hubby detach himself carefully and attach to his wife.

What u won't accept later, you'd better start refusing now. press the button (ur hussy) and he'll be the spokesman.

We're getting to say i do in december too.