₦airaland Forum

Karleb:
Some men no really get shame sha.

This is horrible.

Nigeria is an extremely shameless society but what we actually require is balance, a bit of decorum. for example in the Uk, London specifically. Women are complaining that men do not approach them or speak to them. It is an extremely “mind your business” environment while Nigeria is an extreme busy body environment.

A woman can be here for 6 months & no man will say a single “Hi” to her. I go to the gym here & men mind their business, nobody says hi to any lady at all except they came together.

frozen70:
Well just make sure you are taking the right decision

I didn't read where you caught him or where you saw that he sleeps with those women or ladies

Why not calm down and understand if he is open and faithful to you

You may leave the marriage and he will get worst and still get a woman that will support what you don't like that he is doing

We all just have to be patient pls

You guys are hilarious, so a married man should keep reposting only fan pictures of women.

Nigerian moral code stops where money comes in, you guys are all money mongers.

All of you, shior.

guysbewise:
Over 100 people applied for this tech job in Chille, truth is that software development is an oversaturated field everywhere as it has no barrier to entry, for this reason most tech jobs are who you know that cannot do a good job that get in and companies are happy to get a good contractor in to do their job for them.

This screenshot says over 100 people clicked "Apply", it means by just clicking the Apply button, It increases the count. It does not mean over 100 people actually applied for the job.

Besides, only around 10% of every 100 applicants are actually qualified for LinkedIn jobs.

OP, whatever you decide to do. Please do not take this advise

The only potential threat is the person emotionally cheating on you, don't let women of Nairaland gaslight you.

IyaTola:
Not at all! In fact, it's a sign of strength and responsibility for a husband to protect and defend his relationship. Confronting someone who is disrespecting his wife's boundaries and warning them to stop contacting her is a reasonable and assertive action.

Reasons Why It's Not Weak:

1. Protecting his relationship: By addressing the situation, the husband is showing that he values and prioritizes his relationship with his wife.
2. Setting boundaries: Confronting the person and warning them to stop contacting his wife sets clear boundaries and communicates that such behavior is unacceptable.
3. Showing emotional intelligence: The husband is demonstrating emotional intelligence by recognizing the potential threat to his relationship and taking proactive steps to address it.
4. Being a responsible partner: By taking action, the husband is fulfilling his responsibility as a partner to protect and care for his wife's well-being.

How to Approach the Situation:

1. Stay calm and assertive: Approach the conversation calmly and assertively, avoiding aggression or violence.
2. Be clear and direct: Clearly communicate your concerns and boundaries, leaving no room for misinterpretation.
3. Focus on the behavior: Address the specific behavior that's causing concern, rather than attacking the person.
4. Seek support if needed: If the situation escalates or becomes too difficult to handle alone, consider seeking support from a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor.

Remember, confronting someone who is disrespecting your wife's boundaries is not a sign of weakness, but rather a demonstration of strength, responsibility, and love for your partner.

kingsleyugo41:
Does it make a man look weak by confronting and warning a man to stop calling his wife?

Yes, your wife is the major problem here. She values his attention & will never stop picking his calls. Women don't like giving up their emotional connections even though they are not having any affair.

Demand her phone & block his number on WhatsApp & Truecaller, if possible block the number via network provider itself.

Never call a man to warn him, that's a sucker move.

Sefini.

LibertyRep:
Seems the Finnish govt waited this long to ensure the guy properly enmeshed himself.

Anyways, one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter/ content creator.

Yes like they waited until they had enough evidence that no human could deny.

IyaTola:
What makes you think 🤔 I am bro and also in Nigeria.

Sorry using bro is gender-neutral term in convos.

mmsen:
It's harder for foreigners in Norway but a better work life balance in the UK than Norway? That is a lie.

https://www.thehrdirector.com/business-news/work_life_balance/uk-ranks-among-worst-countries-work-life-balance/

For Immigrants!

IyaTola:
So wtf are you doing in Nigeria, migrate not that place.

I no dey Nigeria my bro

Childofgrace18:
You will just open your mouth waaaaaaaa and be talking tr**h. You have been to the UK with which visa? Can you afford to come to the UK? You think the country is for poor people like u making noise online? Before your ignorance finishes you, browse UK minimum wage and your Norway? Does Norway speak English? Anyway I don't have strength for your kind.

The average salary in Norway is actually higher than UK, 668,400 Norwegian Krone (47,217.49 Pound sterling) higher than UK which is 35,828 Pound sterling, but there are better jobs & work life balance in UK (For Immigrants) than Norway. Norway does not have a general minimum wage.

On Reddit people are even complaining of how hard it is to get jobs in Norway: https://www.reddit.com/r/Norway/comments/1bsa0f9/why_is_getting_even_entry_level_tech_jobs_so_hard/

Gerrard59:
Does the bold apply to non-EU citizens, especially our people? Or it applies to EU nationals both fluent and intermediate speakers of German?

As Tensa20 said, French is an economically useless language to learn. If an African is to learn an economically important language, Spanish and Chinese are the best. Better to even learn Yoruba, for non-Yoruba Nigerians, than to learn French.

Yes, it applies to immigrants, non-EU citizens & expats the most for Berlin & Munich. They speak English very well, in fact all across the city almost everyone spoke English. It's commonly polite to say Sprechen Du english (Do you speak English?) to people before asking them a question or direction in English. Also all job interviews I see are in English in those cities.

purples25:
It's the wrapper and the headtie. You have married women dressing up like their husbands moms and you expect them not to look the part. Anyway, that's probably what her husband wants. He probably wants to keep looking young while she looks old, under the guise of dressing mature.

There are gowns that will cover her, yet make her look like a plus sized young model, but this is what hubby wants. E no want make any man look at his woman at all.

Thank you, I suspect this too because why would a young wife of less than 35 years be tying wrapper like a 60 years old woman.

tensazangetsu20:
Spanish is even better than French lol. The majority of French countries are poorer than Nigeria. Only France and one part of Canada and one part of Switzerland that is wealthy. French is a useless language

Yeah you're correct, it's mostly France, some parts of Canada & Africa (which Nigerians never migrate to in droves, so no need).

I used Wikipedia & got this, the dark blue represents official language & light blue represents 2nd language.

tensazangetsu20:
If a Nigerian that speaks English cant make it in the UK. Where else will they make it. The only African country better than Nigeria economically is South Africa and you still cant compare South Africa to the UK.

I don't even understand the big fuss about UK, apart from Germany where else in the EU would people get adequate jobs. Even Germany sef, It is only Berlin & Munich (Partially) that have jobs.

Baba is mentioning Norway, all those nordic countries that cold will almost cripple you to death ontop of peanut salary. Regarding languages, apart from Spanish & French, learning other languages is just a waste of time. Those are the two main languages in the world, where will I speak Norwegian language apart from Norway.

pansophist:
Your premise differs from mine. My point is about the country in question, not the language they speak there. If the OP have permanent residency in lets say Norway, and UK, he will achieve more in Norway than the UK.

UK is just a third world country attached to London. Outside London (which is unaffordable anyway for a starter), UK is really broke. I am referring to the UK of today, 2024, not twenty years ago.

Go to reddit and youtube and see Brits complaining bitterly, and thousands moving away, even recent immigrants.

I understand the UK is one step ahead Nigeria, but if one has to choose, and if prosperity is non-negotiable, then UK should be off the table.

If you want me to paste painful statistics about present day UK, I will. Yes, it is that bad. UK should be off the table.

The number one question that should be asked is, are there jobs in Norway compared to the UK. If you use LinkedIn as your research tool, It is 80/20 result. The only country in the UK that has higher job rates than the UK is Germany & most jobs are in Berlin. Berlin is also super expensive & salaries are much higher in the UK than Germany, I can tell you for a fact.

If you cannot secure a proper job that gives you adequate income, all the statements you're making doing does not cut it.

Norway is also super cold, same as Finland. Then people will have to learn Finnish or Norwegian and Sami. They have less jobs that UK or Germany, so please what exactly does anyone gain by having access to fewer jobs.

My friends that ran to Finland have all ran back.

Also we are immigrants & not British, they are all running away to places like America for greener pastures because they have the British passport, so how does that compare to regular immigrants in the UK?!

Ishilove:
You're still not getting my point. You write that the whole marriage tradition should be abolished, and I countered that it cannot and will not be abolished because every society has their culture and traditions. In my post, I also mentioned that those practices can be abused, just like any man made system. The extortion from family members is one of the forms of abuses that happen in the course of carrying out our cultural practices. You can only call the abusers to order, not abolish centuries old identity pillars of a people.

When I say "abolish" I did not mean cut off the parent's approval. Technically you cannot abolish potential bride groom from getting approval from bride's parents, that's normal in every culture around the world. Parent's approval is necessary for a go-ahead, It is not an African culture, even the dowry payment was practiced in ancient Israel from time.

We DID NOT create it. Remember Laban tricked Jacob in the Bible, that's what they are doing in the South West & Eastern states. Pure Extortion. Thieves!

The "abuse" & "extortion" is the culture that we created that needs to be abolished. We created it OURSELVES to extort, simple!
it is not a century old identity pillars of any thing, families were looking for a way to enrich themselves, so they created it.

Ishilove:
It's not going anywhere, neither will culture be abolished because they are the best rock of every society. Can they be modified to reflect modern realities? Yes. Can they be abused? Like every man made system, yes they can. Does culture evolve? Yes. Is culture dynamic? Some aspects are. If you try to erase what makes a people unique, what forms their identity and belief system, then you will have a very big problem on your hands. VERY BIG

What you described is not a culture, the culture is meeting up with families & introducing yourself which is what is needed. Every other thing such as bride's uncles & aunties extorting bride groom's family is completely unnecessary & should be abolished totally.

Besides we are quick to abolish other forms of culture that we don't like, but what it is comes to the greedy one that allows extortion, we hang on it like our lives depend on it.

You follow someone to a wedding ceremony in South West, the alagas want to use the opportunity to extort all the guests, both married & unmarried. What sort of culture is that?!

rapheal5:
You sounded like you love nigeria but you dislike everything in it, the fact that you're unlucky to meet people you share the same ideal of life with doesn't mean you should cancel everything about nigeria...
In your world where you came from there are fake people too and alot of psychopath..
No where and no one is perfect....

Maybe it's his terrible wording, I do agree with him on religion over education in Nigeria, the selfish and greedy wedding process in Nigeria is absolutely bizarre. Wedding processes in Nigeria from Families especially from Imo State & those South West Yoruba alaga ceremonies are just a way to grab every little penny they can get, more like selling their daughters to slave trade.

The whole marriage tradition in Nigeria should be absolutely abolished.

Fenrir:
Video call or grow up

30 seconds will prove you wrong but your a coward and keyboard gangster nothing more

You will get tired eventually.

Gloriagee:
I'm not a retard. Hopefully, this format pays off for you, unku wey wan marry Plateau Igbo ....

So he is lying about the whole tread & being white I guess, I'm wondering why a white veteran is asking all these questions from strangers online. I almost fell for it.

Fenrir:
Please upgrade your dictionary agnostics are not athiests completely they are unsure so 50/50 on gods existence

Yeah I think I mixed it up, but you get what I mean.

Fenrir:
I don't believe in any god or anything supernatural, but i do value 2 laws that 183 have, freedom of beliefs and freedom of choice, 12 countries dont have them and Nigeria is on of those 12 you have freedom worship and freedom of expression

Freedom of choice means you don't hate the other options, you simply do not care about them, there is a difference.

Acidosis:
It might work in other aspects of life, like football, but not in politics. People's political ideologies are often a reflection of their essence and nature. Relationships are also highly influential. You can't love someone without being influenced by some of their beliefs. You will always influence each other so deeply that critical issues like politics will eventually have you both agreeing on one thing.

When you find yourselves disagreeing on core issues like religion or politics without any issues in your home, it likely means that one or both of you do not truly care deeply about that issue. Na why you will hardly see a devoted Christian and a devoted Muslim together.

True, even feminism sef. If a wife is a core feminist & husband is not, that marriage will not last. One of them has not truly care about the subject OR agree fully for their union to last.

Gloriagee:
That works for you cos you are not a fanatic. (Un)fortunately depending on your POV, I'm a fanatic! I only pray in the name of Jesus and compel my household to do so, not sure I can cope with an atheist spouse.

As I said, your tolerance levels is proportional to how core a value is to your personality. Hope this helps!

You do not even need to be a fanatic, even as a passive Christian there are types of atheist that you can never co-habit with. They are Fanatic atheist (Agnostics), therefore they hate the sound of anything religious at all. They can kill you for even mentioning Church or Islam.

Fenrir:
What about an atheist? We will fight for your right to follow whatever religion you choose, the same cannot be said for religious people?

A good and supportive man is always a good supportive man godly or godless, all couples need healthy time apart so church could just be your thing and ill give you an example

I am an atheist but my 6 year old daughter is christian and i drive her to church with a nanny, give my daughter a kiss on the cheek and say see you later kjaere then i either wait in the car and listen to music until shes done or go for a coffee and collect her after because she asked for that

Respect and support are what matter not participation

There are different perspectives among atheists, and not all atheists fit into the same category. Generally, they can be grouped as follows:

Nonreligious Individuals: These people do not follow or subscribe to any particular religious tradition. They may not personally believe in religious doctrines but are generally accepting of others who do. For them, religion isn’t a central concern in their lives, and they’re often indifferent to its presence in society.

Nonbelievers: These individuals explicitly do not believe in the existence of any gods or deities. However, their stance can vary from being simply uninterested in religion to being critical of it. They might avoid participating in or endorsing religious practices but aren't necessarily hostile toward others' beliefs.

Agnostics: Agnostics take the position that the existence or nonexistence of a deity is unknown or unknowable. They neither affirm nor deny a god’s existence, often focusing on evidence-based reasoning. Agnostics typically aren’t "anti-religion" but prioritize open-mindedness and skepticism.

I hope you understand what I am saying.

Edited

meobizy:
Una never mature be that. Men put in revenge in the form of bettering their lives. If you're a keke rider, be the best keke rider possible. Pool money with the aim to move from rickshaw to motor vehicle. Move from that to becoming a small-time landlord. So on and forth. Be there allowing depression strike you over others' words. Your mind never strong be that. If you're not being spoken about then you're nobody. The guys carry grievances from back in the day because you people were successful then. Prove to them you can still be successful today.

This is actually a myopic reasoning you displayed here, time and chance happens to people and wealth creation sometimes is not a definition of how hard working you are. People get into positions that life circumstances could have put them, not because they are not hard working.

JAPAHTML:
Mike was desperate to secure the bag

if someone can pay me $50k to be defeated i will beg my opponent to beat me to stupor


talkmore of the money involved in this

Mike got 20 million from that fight

Gerrard59:
Yes.


I already narrated my job-hunting experience here: https://www.nairaland.com/7788707/memoirs-chile/49#130041370

As for migrating to Japan, there is already a semi-active thread. Anyone interested should read from the beginning and ask specific questions and I would be glad to respond to the best of my knowledge: https://www.nairaland.com/2655545/japanese-visa-travelling-japan/40

That comment on memoirs-chile original post should have been a post on its own because it is packed with loads of info, I'm just seeing it for the first time and I have a question. So which area of tech did you eventually opt for, I see that you avoided Cyber Security (Thanks to your friend). It's a career path that is highly spoken of online but can waste your time so much in reality. I advice everyone to run from it too as it requires tons of certifications to even have a decent job.

bukatyne:
1. Is that so?

2a. That means a lot of Nigerian families are nor functioning

2b. I ask again: when it comes to standard white or blue collar jobs, is there consideration for gender when assigning duties and responsibilities?

3. In this same Nigeria? According to the last research, about 177m earn less than N2m per annum. So even if women marry men who earn 'more' than them, their joint income is not enough to fend the home.

4. The husband earning N2m per annum? Anything to justify men's thoughtlessness and irresponsibility towards the domestic front. If men are capable of funding the home without drama, more women would stop working or at least work less stressful jobs.

5. Yes because like the OP, the men still expect the women to be responsible for the domestic aspect of the home even though they have the same work hours.

1. Yes that is so.

2a. A family that is functioning is a middle class man paying of most things in the house & the woman just chips in.

The common rebuttal to this is usually "Oh, what of those numerous women selling pepper to fend for their families". Those women are living below poverty level & absolute penury, they are termed poor. Most of their husbands are the drivers, conductors, agberos & all sorts of low level jobs. We are talking about middle class here.

2b. Only few women agreesively chase high paying jobs in Nigeria out of personal decision, they have less financial pressure on them & this is common info.

It is very common to see a lady who just purchased a human hair of 800k while using the latest iPhone 16 saying she does not have money to pay for Virtual Assistance Course of 100k Naira on ALT School Africa. Because that struggle is not her priority.

3. Whether the joint income is enough to fend the home is irrelevant here, the point is most wives choose when to chip in & help pay for stuff around the house. It is not mandatory for her.

4. Women already work less stressful jobs.

5. Yes because like the OP, his whole income is meant for the family while the wife's income is hers alone & only chips in when she wants. Women in Nigeria already said they aren't doing 50/50 on bills & men agreed. So what's the issue.

I don't know why this is so hard to understand.

bukatyne:
In what eldorado world do women not work? Or work long hours?

What company gives women lesser tasks or where do women get lesser responsibilities for same pay so they are not 'tired' when they get home?

Biko connect me.

Because it seems the guys on this thread are on to something; it is we women who have not figured it out.

This used to be an old argument, repackaged over and over again.

In most families that are functioning, women work but earnings from their jobs are not required to be solely used in funding the home, they can chip in here and there financially but ultimately the man is the major provider of the home therefore come rain, come sunshine he has to go out there and hustle even if the job wants to kill him.

Women also avoid any financial reliance by their partners by ensuring the men they eventually marry earns significantly higher than them.

Even when women work long hours, they do it for their own selves. Because at the end, their money is their money but the husbands money belongs to the family.

Any arrangement different from this has been proven to cause resentment from the women involved.

Gerrard59:
I am a strong advocate of the two-parent household, but in this case, there should be a separation. Maybe not outright divorce since OP does not like it, but for the sake of mental sanity, OP needs to be be separate from her husband. Since she has better finances, the kids stay with her. The man visits as arranged. I don't believe in a do-or-die situation/marriage. If e tire person, let it go.

jify, No vex, but wetin una dey discuss during courtship? I thought married folks married their best friends kini kon kini kon


I wonder wetin men dey see for underage children. But seeing the demographic involved, I am not too surprised. Anything can happen.

I truly wonder, I am waiting for his reply because what body or beauty does a 12 year old have that want to entice any man. Maybe he meant 22.

Sapasenator:
I also want to note that Paul, in the Bible, is not qualified to give marital advice as he died a bachelor.

Yep, that's correct. I mean he only gave advice & never even practiced his own advice at all. He was a person who wrote driving manuals on paper how to drive but never drove in reality