Family / Re: Can I Report My Husband Of Raping Me? by tosinhtml: 2:25am On Feb 12 |
bukatyne: In a Christian marriage, there is nothing like marital rape; rape here defined as sex without consent because the marriage vows give both parties everlasting consent. 1 cor 7 captures it well; the husband's body belongs to the wife and the wife's body belongs to the husband.
This is different from the cultural position that a husband owns his wife's body because he paid bride price or he is the head.
The ownership is mutual and equal.
That said, there is sexual abuse which includes: > Withholding sex without reason > Deliberately not satisfying your spouse > Carrying out sexual acts intended to demean or dishonour your spouse > Using sex as a bargaining chip > Mocking your spouse for their legitimate desire of your body > Deliberately not taking care of yourself or ignoring their legitimate request to tend to your body etc.
Which can be perpetuated by the husband or wife.
Like I said above, Christian marriages. I love as you put the last disclaimer, so you wouldn't enter one chance. Marital Rape itself is a symptom of a problem that people are not speaking loudly about, It means either of the partners is not sexually attracted to one another, usually anyone who withholds sex without reason or use it as bargaining chip is because they are not really in love with their spouse and married for different reasons other than love. It is a common thing for women to marry just to add the marriage tag to their name, I dare say based on personal experiences seen that most women aren't even in love with their husbands, they found someone ready and willing to settle down and decided to marry. They hope to grow in love, some do & others don't as it becomes a 50/50 chance. Before people get frustrated with spouse withholding sex, it must have been happening consistently for a long time. I wouldn't want to believe that just one night or couple of nights that your partner is tired from work stress & you're all up in her face that you guys must have sex. It has to be an underlying issue before the actual frustration comes in. 1 Like |
Family / Re: I Am Losing Friends by tosinhtml: 3:45pm On Feb 07 |
yemmit90:
Except he has done other good things for you before, you should have reminded him and block him as well. That kind of person will still do the same when they become rich again. How do you want him to learn if you can't reciprocate in the same measure to him.
How can you block someone because he ask you for help. If you say your hands are tight, that you couldn't offer help at that particular time, the person will understand but blocking him is a total lack of respect for the person. A person that don't help you today can still do something good for you tomorrow but blocking the person is totally out of it. Leave all this talk, some people are just pests. They will continue to ask & ask till you run out. |
Family / Re: I Am Losing Friends by tosinhtml: 3:44pm On Feb 07 |
Nazgul: Let me tell you one secrete most people in your current situation don't know yet.
A rich man would hardly give you any money unless you're offering value to him. People pay you for the value you bring and not because they like you or they're friends with you.
My advice to you is to study that your friend and know what exactly he's into. Eg if he's a tiles distributor, liase with engineers then connect them with him and collect a discount. He'll value you more that way because you're offering value to his business.
If you just type an emotional story and send to him, he might read it and ignore. Or send you 10k and ignore you afterwards. Sell your services to him and he'll pay you handsomely for it. Exactly, this is what I wanted to say but did not articulate it well enough. People think they deserve other people's time, loyalty and free money without offering any value to them. I think it is extremely selfish way to reason but because they are poor, they often see themselves as the victims of every situation. How can you say you're someone's friend and you have never started conversations of what your friends are into that will keep them coming back to you for information. You just keep coming to collect cash without giving anything back. |
Family / Re: I Am Losing Friends by tosinhtml: 1:53am On Feb 07 |
smartlad: I want to beg my rich friend on facebook but fear dey catch me. This guy is my friend since childhood, he is now,super rich he is close to being a billionaire but I have never benefit any shi shi from him and lately I am going through the worst poverty of my life, I want to ask him for some financial assistance to use hold body but honestly I am afraid. I am tired of losing friends, there is another friend of mine he is now a lecturer in the US, we attended thesame secondary school infact he was my best friend back then but he blocked me on fb and WhatsApp because I asked him for help, I am afraid this guy too will give me thesame treatment.
I lost about 6 friends because I asked for help I dont wanna lose this one oo I need advice Maybe it's too late for this but you're looking at life from the wrong direction, generally people keep others close to them who have value to offer in knowledge or wealth. If you do not have either of the two, then sincerely what is the point of keeping you as a friend. I sound really harsh but that is the basis of life itself. It is either you have money or knowledge to offer, otherwise people will forget you. 4 Likes |
Romance / Re: Woman Releases Messages She Got From A Man After He Called Her Out For Her Post by tosinhtml: 2:52pm On Jan 06 |
Karleb:
Some men no really get shame sha.
This is horrible. Nigeria is an extremely shameless society but what we actually require is balance, a bit of decorum. for example in the Uk, London specifically. Women are complaining that men do not approach them or speak to them. It is an extremely “mind your business” environment while Nigeria is an extreme busy body environment. A woman can be here for 6 months & no man will say a single “Hi” to her. I go to the gym here & men mind their business, nobody says hi to any lady at all except they came together. |
Family / Re: Divorcing My Husband Because Of Onlyfan Girls by tosinhtml: 1:04am On Jan 05 |
frozen70:
Well just make sure you are taking the right decision
I didn't read where you caught him or where you saw that he sleeps with those women or ladies
Why not calm down and understand if he is open and faithful to you
You may leave the marriage and he will get worst and still get a woman that will support what you don't like that he is doing
We all just have to be patient pls You guys are hilarious, so a married man should keep reposting only fan pictures of women. Nigerian moral code stops where money comes in, you guys are all money mongers. All of you, shior. 1 Like |
Programming / Re: Software Development Is Now An Oversaturated Field by tosinhtml: 8:32pm On Jan 03 |
guysbewise: Over 100 people applied for this tech job in Chille, truth is that software development is an oversaturated field everywhere as it has no barrier to entry, for this reason most tech jobs are who you know that cannot do a good job that get in and companies are happy to get a good contractor in to do their job for them. This screenshot says over 100 people clicked "Apply", it means by just clicking the Apply button, It increases the count. It does not mean over 100 people actually applied for the job. Besides, only around 10% of every 100 applicants are actually qualified for LinkedIn jobs. |
Family / Re: Does It Make A Man Weak by tosinhtml: 4:12pm On Dec 16, 2024 |
OP, whatever you decide to do. Please do not take this advise  The only potential threat is the person emotionally cheating on you, don't let women of Nairaland gaslight you. IyaTola: Not at all! In fact, it's a sign of strength and responsibility for a husband to protect and defend his relationship. Confronting someone who is disrespecting his wife's boundaries and warning them to stop contacting her is a reasonable and assertive action.
Reasons Why It's Not Weak:
1. Protecting his relationship: By addressing the situation, the husband is showing that he values and prioritizes his relationship with his wife. 2. Setting boundaries: Confronting the person and warning them to stop contacting his wife sets clear boundaries and communicates that such behavior is unacceptable. 3. Showing emotional intelligence: The husband is demonstrating emotional intelligence by recognizing the potential threat to his relationship and taking proactive steps to address it. 4. Being a responsible partner: By taking action, the husband is fulfilling his responsibility as a partner to protect and care for his wife's well-being.
How to Approach the Situation:
1. Stay calm and assertive: Approach the conversation calmly and assertively, avoiding aggression or violence. 2. Be clear and direct: Clearly communicate your concerns and boundaries, leaving no room for misinterpretation. 3. Focus on the behavior: Address the specific behavior that's causing concern, rather than attacking the person. 4. Seek support if needed: If the situation escalates or becomes too difficult to handle alone, consider seeking support from a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor.
Remember, confronting someone who is disrespecting your wife's boundaries is not a sign of weakness, but rather a demonstration of strength, responsibility, and love for your partner. |
Family / Re: Does It Make A Man Weak by tosinhtml: 12:31pm On Dec 16, 2024 |
kingsleyugo41: Does it make a man look weak by confronting and warning a man to stop calling his wife? Yes, your wife is the major problem here. She values his attention & will never stop picking his calls. Women don't like giving up their emotional connections even though they are not having any affair. Demand her phone & block his number on WhatsApp & Truecaller, if possible block the number via network provider itself. Never call a man to warn him, that's a sucker move. Sefini. 1 Like |
Politics / Re: ‘ Terrorism’: Finland Freezes Simon Ekpa’s Assets by tosinhtml: 9:49pm On Dec 14, 2024 |
LibertyRep: Seems the Finnish govt waited this long to ensure the guy properly enmeshed himself.
Anyways, one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter/ content creator. Yes like they waited until they had enough evidence that no human could deny. 2 Likes |
Travel / Re: Japa Now: Leave If You Can [pics] by tosinhtml: 12:41pm On Dec 12, 2024 |
IyaTola: What makes you think 🤔 I am bro and also in Nigeria. Sorry using bro is gender-neutral term in convos. |
Travel / Re: Japa Now: Leave If You Can [pics] by tosinhtml: 12:39pm On Dec 12, 2024 |
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Travel / Re: Japa Now: Leave If You Can [pics] by tosinhtml: 12:18pm On Dec 12, 2024 |
IyaTola: So wtf are you doing in Nigeria, migrate not that place. I no dey Nigeria my bro  1 Like |
Travel / Re: Japa Now: Leave If You Can [pics] by tosinhtml: 12:17pm On Dec 12, 2024 |
Childofgrace18:
You will just open your mouth waaaaaaaa and be talking tr**h. You have been to the UK with which visa? Can you afford to come to the UK? You think the country is for poor people like u making noise online? Before your ignorance finishes you, browse UK minimum wage and your Norway? Does Norway speak English? Anyway I don't have strength for your kind. The average salary in Norway is actually higher than UK, 668,400 Norwegian Krone (47,217.49 Pound sterling) higher than UK which is 35,828 Pound sterling, but there are better jobs & work life balance in UK (For Immigrants) than Norway. Norway does not have a general minimum wage. On Reddit people are even complaining of how hard it is to get jobs in Norway: https://www.reddit.com/r/Norway/comments/1bsa0f9/why_is_getting_even_entry_level_tech_jobs_so_hard/ 3 Likes |
Travel / Re: Japa Now: Leave If You Can [pics] by tosinhtml: 5:39pm On Dec 11, 2024 |
Gerrard59:
Does the bold apply to non-EU citizens, especially our people? Or it applies to EU nationals both fluent and intermediate speakers of German?
As Tensa20 said, French is an economically useless language to learn. If an African is to learn an economically important language, Spanish and Chinese are the best. Better to even learn Yoruba, for non-Yoruba Nigerians, than to learn French. Yes, it applies to immigrants, non-EU citizens & expats the most for Berlin & Munich. They speak English very well, in fact all across the city almost everyone spoke English. It's commonly polite to say Sprechen Du english (Do you speak English?) to people before asking them a question or direction in English. Also all job interviews I see are in English in those cities. |
Romance / Re: Couple Family Photos Spark Reactions (Photos) by tosinhtml: 4:05pm On Dec 11, 2024 |
purples25: It's the wrapper and the headtie. You have married women dressing up like their husbands moms and you expect them not to look the part. Anyway, that's probably what her husband wants. He probably wants to keep looking young while she looks old, under the guise of dressing mature.
There are gowns that will cover her, yet make her look like a plus sized young model, but this is what hubby wants. E no want make any man look at his woman at all.
Thank you, I suspect this too because why would a young wife of less than 35 years be tying wrapper like a 60 years old woman. 1 Like |
Travel / Re: Japa Now: Leave If You Can [pics] by tosinhtml: 3:50pm On Dec 11, 2024 |
tensazangetsu20:
Spanish is even better than French lol. The majority of French countries are poorer than Nigeria. Only France and one part of Canada and one part of Switzerland that is wealthy. French is a useless language Yeah you're correct, it's mostly France, some parts of Canada & Africa (which Nigerians never migrate to in droves, so no need). I used Wikipedia & got this, the dark blue represents official language & light blue represents 2nd language.
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Travel / Re: Japa Now: Leave If You Can [pics] by tosinhtml: 1:54pm On Dec 11, 2024 |
tensazangetsu20:
If a Nigerian that speaks English cant make it in the UK. Where else will they make it. The only African country better than Nigeria economically is South Africa and you still cant compare South Africa to the UK. I don't even understand the big fuss about UK, apart from Germany where else in the EU would people get adequate jobs. Even Germany sef, It is only Berlin & Munich (Partially) that have jobs. Baba is mentioning Norway, all those nordic countries that cold will almost cripple you to death ontop of peanut salary. Regarding languages, apart from Spanish & French, learning other languages is just a waste of time. Those are the two main languages in the world, where will I speak Norwegian language apart from Norway. 11 Likes 1 Share |
Travel / Re: Japa Now: Leave If You Can [pics] by tosinhtml: 1:31pm On Dec 11, 2024 |
pansophist:
Your premise differs from mine. My point is about the country in question, not the language they speak there. If the OP have permanent residency in lets say Norway, and UK, he will achieve more in Norway than the UK.
UK is just a third world country attached to London. Outside London (which is unaffordable anyway for a starter), UK is really broke. I am referring to the UK of today, 2024, not twenty years ago.
Go to reddit and youtube and see Brits complaining bitterly, and thousands moving away, even recent immigrants.
I understand the UK is one step ahead Nigeria, but if one has to choose, and if prosperity is non-negotiable, then UK should be off the table.
If you want me to paste painful statistics about present day UK, I will. Yes, it is that bad. UK should be off the table.
The number one question that should be asked is, are there jobs in Norway compared to the UK. If you use LinkedIn as your research tool, It is 80/20 result. The only country in the UK that has higher job rates than the UK is Germany & most jobs are in Berlin. Berlin is also super expensive & salaries are much higher in the UK than Germany, I can tell you for a fact. If you cannot secure a proper job that gives you adequate income, all the statements you're making doing does not cut it. Norway is also super cold, same as Finland. Then people will have to learn Finnish or Norwegian and Sami. They have less jobs that UK or Germany, so please what exactly does anyone gain by having access to fewer jobs. My friends that ran to Finland have all ran back. Also we are immigrants & not British, they are all running away to places like America for greener pastures because they have the British passport, so how does that compare to regular immigrants in the UK?! 12 Likes |
Family / Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by tosinhtml: 11:06am On Dec 08, 2024 |
Ishilove:
You're still not getting my point. You write that the whole marriage tradition should be abolished, and I countered that it cannot and will not be abolished because every society has their culture and traditions. In my post, I also mentioned that those practices can be abused, just like any man made system. The extortion from family members is one of the forms of abuses that happen in the course of carrying out our cultural practices. You can only call the abusers to order, not abolish centuries old identity pillars of a people. When I say "abolish" I did not mean cut off the parent's approval. Technically you cannot abolish potential bride groom from getting approval from bride's parents, that's normal in every culture around the world. Parent's approval is necessary for a go-ahead, It is not an African culture, even the dowry payment was practiced in ancient Israel from time. We DID NOT create it. Remember Laban tricked Jacob in the Bible, that's what they are doing in the South West & Eastern states. Pure Extortion. Thieves! The "abuse" & "extortion" is the culture that we created that needs to be abolished. We created it OURSELVES to extort, simple! it is not a century old identity pillars of any thing, families were looking for a way to enrich themselves, so they created it. |
Family / Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by tosinhtml: 7:25am On Dec 08, 2024 |
Ishilove:
It's not going anywhere, neither will culture be abolished because they are the best rock of every society. Can they be modified to reflect modern realities? Yes. Can they be abused? Like every man made system, yes they can. Does culture evolve? Yes. Is culture dynamic? Some aspects are. If you try to erase what makes a people unique, what forms their identity and belief system, then you will have a very big problem on your hands. VERY BIG What you described is not a culture, the culture is meeting up with families & introducing yourself which is what is needed. Every other thing such as bride's uncles & aunties extorting bride groom's family is completely unnecessary & should be abolished totally. Besides we are quick to abolish other forms of culture that we don't like, but what it is comes to the greedy one that allows extortion, we hang on it like our lives depend on it. You follow someone to a wedding ceremony in South West, the alagas want to use the opportunity to extort all the guests, both married & unmarried. What sort of culture is that?! |
Family / Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by tosinhtml: 4:41am On Dec 08, 2024 |
rapheal5:
You sounded like you love nigeria but you dislike everything in it, the fact that you're unlucky to meet people you share the same ideal of life with doesn't mean you should cancel everything about nigeria... In your world where you came from there are fake people too and alot of psychopath.. No where and no one is perfect.... Maybe it's his terrible wording, I do agree with him on religion over education in Nigeria, the selfish and greedy wedding process in Nigeria is absolutely bizarre. Wedding processes in Nigeria from Families especially from Imo State & those South West Yoruba alaga ceremonies are just a way to grab every little penny they can get, more like selling their daughters to slave trade. The whole marriage tradition in Nigeria should be absolutely abolished. |
Family / Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by tosinhtml: 11:36am On Dec 05, 2024 |
Fenrir:
Video call or grow up
30 seconds will prove you wrong but your a coward and keyboard gangster nothing more You will get tired eventually. |
Family / Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by tosinhtml: 11:29am On Dec 05, 2024 |
Gloriagee: I'm not a retard. Hopefully, this format pays off for you, unku wey wan marry Plateau Igbo ....
So he is lying about the whole tread & being white I guess, I'm wondering why a white veteran is asking all these questions from strangers online. I almost fell for it. |
Family / Re: Spouses Supporting Different Teams, Healthy? by tosinhtml: 5:19pm On Dec 04, 2024 |
Fenrir:
Please upgrade your dictionary agnostics are not athiests completely they are unsure so 50/50 on gods existence Yeah I think I mixed it up, but you get what I mean. |
Family / Re: Spouses Supporting Different Teams, Healthy? by tosinhtml: 5:18pm On Dec 04, 2024 |
Fenrir:
I don't believe in any god or anything supernatural, but i do value 2 laws that 183 have, freedom of beliefs and freedom of choice, 12 countries dont have them and Nigeria is on of those 12 you have freedom worship and freedom of expression Freedom of choice means you don't hate the other options, you simply do not care about them, there is a difference. |
Family / Re: Spouses Supporting Different Teams, Healthy? by tosinhtml: 5:16pm On Dec 04, 2024 |
Acidosis: It might work in other aspects of life, like football, but not in politics. People's political ideologies are often a reflection of their essence and nature. Relationships are also highly influential. You can't love someone without being influenced by some of their beliefs. You will always influence each other so deeply that critical issues like politics will eventually have you both agreeing on one thing.
When you find yourselves disagreeing on core issues like religion or politics without any issues in your home, it likely means that one or both of you do not truly care deeply about that issue. Na why you will hardly see a devoted Christian and a devoted Muslim together. True, even feminism sef. If a wife is a core feminist & husband is not, that marriage will not last. One of them has not truly care about the subject OR agree fully for their union to last. 1 Like |
Family / Re: Spouses Supporting Different Teams, Healthy? by tosinhtml: 5:11pm On Dec 04, 2024 |
Gloriagee: That works for you cos you are not a fanatic. (Un)fortunately depending on your POV, I'm a fanatic! I only pray in the name of Jesus and compel my household to do so, not sure I can cope with an atheist spouse.
As I said, your tolerance levels is proportional to how core a value is to your personality. Hope this helps!
You do not even need to be a fanatic, even as a passive Christian there are types of atheist that you can never co-habit with. They are Fanatic atheist (Agnostics), therefore they hate the sound of anything religious at all. They can kill you for even mentioning Church or Islam. |
Family / Re: Spouses Supporting Different Teams, Healthy? by tosinhtml: 5:07pm On Dec 04, 2024 |
Fenrir:
What about an atheist? We will fight for your right to follow whatever religion you choose, the same cannot be said for religious people?
A good and supportive man is always a good supportive man godly or godless, all couples need healthy time apart so church could just be your thing and ill give you an example
I am an atheist but my 6 year old daughter is christian and i drive her to church with a nanny, give my daughter a kiss on the cheek and say see you later kjaere then i either wait in the car and listen to music until shes done or go for a coffee and collect her after because she asked for that
Respect and support are what matter not participation There are different perspectives among atheists, and not all atheists fit into the same category. Generally, they can be grouped as follows: Nonreligious Individuals: These people do not follow or subscribe to any particular religious tradition. They may not personally believe in religious doctrines but are generally accepting of others who do. For them, religion isn’t a central concern in their lives, and they’re often indifferent to its presence in society. Nonbelievers: These individuals explicitly do not believe in the existence of any gods or deities. However, their stance can vary from being simply uninterested in religion to being critical of it. They might avoid participating in or endorsing religious practices but aren't necessarily hostile toward others' beliefs. Agnostics: Agnostics take the position that the existence or nonexistence of a deity is unknown or unknowable. They neither affirm nor deny a god’s existence, often focusing on evidence-based reasoning. Agnostics typically aren’t "anti-religion" but prioritize open-mindedness and skepticism. I hope you understand what I am saying. Edited |
Education / Re: This Could Have Brought Us Together But Ended Up Breaking Us The More. by tosinhtml: 8:11am On Nov 21, 2024 |
meobizy: Una never mature be that. Men put in revenge in the form of bettering their lives. If you're a keke rider, be the best keke rider possible. Pool money with the aim to move from rickshaw to motor vehicle. Move from that to becoming a small-time landlord. So on and forth. Be there allowing depression strike you over others' words. Your mind never strong be that. If you're not being spoken about then you're nobody. The guys carry grievances from back in the day because you people were successful then. Prove to them you can still be successful today. This is actually a myopic reasoning you displayed here, time and chance happens to people and wealth creation sometimes is not a definition of how hard working you are. People get into positions that life circumstances could have put them, not because they are not hard working. |
Sports / Re: 27-Year-Old Jake Paul Defeats 58-Year-Old Old Mike Tyson by tosinhtml: 8:25am On Nov 16, 2024 |
JAPAHTML: Mike was desperate to secure the bag
if someone can pay me $50k to be defeated i will beg my opponent to beat me to stupor
talkmore of the money involved in this Mike got 20 million from that fight 1 Like |
Travel / Re: My Experience In UK Since I Japa:warning Rejoinder by tosinhtml: 1:15pm On Oct 27, 2024 |
Gerrard59:
Yes.
I already narrated my job-hunting experience here: https://www.nairaland.com/7788707/memoirs-chile/49#130041370
As for migrating to Japan, there is already a semi-active thread. Anyone interested should read from the beginning and ask specific questions and I would be glad to respond to the best of my knowledge: https://www.nairaland.com/2655545/japanese-visa-travelling-japan/40 That comment on memoirs-chile original post should have been a post on its own because it is packed with loads of info, I'm just seeing it for the first time and I have a question. So which area of tech did you eventually opt for, I see that you avoided Cyber Security (Thanks to your friend). It's a career path that is highly spoken of online but can waste your time so much in reality. I advice everyone to run from it too as it requires tons of certifications to even have a decent job. 1 Like |