chatinent:
The news about bloodshed was becoming unbecoming so I decided to spice up your day. Remember the lie sb told you but you later discovered the truth.

Share your experiences.


Mine:

1. Hanty say she doesn't like fufu.. “I feel nauseated by the smell. I can't hold it, I'll throw up.”

Visited her fam house...they were on Ofe Nchawu with achara. I didn't know at the mention of her name at home, all the fufu dobales.

2. Caught the most holy “virgin” church girl in my street back home in our barrack! Funny thing was I met her and told her I was travelling to school. She also told me she was going for a church program in another state.

My room was Block C. She tie wrapper come out Block D.

E choke.

3. Date....


What's your name?


Cloe Davis


(Saved digits, Truecaller tagged her “Bolanle Ogunjobi”)


Fish will swallow you, Bolanle.


4. My neighbour was always claiming sojo. I bin feel say na Cadet as per en papa hold small bar, and e bi like the oga go get connection.

We happen to meet at one party like that...he was all the way in the jacuzzi (all military underwear camouflage).

One flat chest go rebel am.

Wetin I hear na “come out, reason me your indian delta.”

Oga begin beg o.

Beg! I laugh die.


Dem tell am to off am. Bros beg dem no gree. Dem woos am better slaps.

E come dey go house enter bike. Wetin I hear amid tears na “no worry, I swear I will hunt you. My dad is a police. My uncle is the head of Sarz.”

I laughed die.

5. My neighbour girlfriend always lying to me her dad was a GM of FirstBank.

The problem was... I didn't even mind if she was rich or poor; I just liked her.

I was staying with my rich uncles she felt were my parents. She always didn't believe me when I said they weren't. She always thought I was hiding sth.

Two years down the line, I realized her dad was a gateman.

WTF was he doing with a briefcase going to work in suit!

6. Babe bi forming British accent for me.

She alleged to have stayed in Birmingham. Toh, I no even like the girl sha. She was too loud.

She bin yarn me say my job is too poor for her liking.

Mehn.


One day she say she dey go back London say her dad wants her back.


Many months later when I was returning from Maiduguri, we stopped at Enugu and was welcomed by the loud off-key poems of their “buy okpa” poets.

Reluctantly, I raised my head up from my phone to the rear.

Omg, is this not Theresa?

I came down. Called out to her, she took off. I pursue am hold am. She almost wanted the ground to swallow her.

Mehn.

7. One guy in my school was claiming he was an Ex-Boy (ex-student of Nigeria Military School). He would lie all sorts of things like how he is still being paid salary now, and how his father was a Brigadier General.

He was an Igbo guy. He was showing us the photo of his self-acclaimed father one day. I noticed it was zoomed. I collected the phone and zoomed out. Lo and behold, a muslim name was on the tag of the soldier.

Baba had to re-arrange his lie and said his father didn't use his real name to join the military.

E chock o.


All our attempts to make this guy accept he lied was in vain until one exboy who is now a Lieutenant (a lecturer) publicly asked the guy who is father was (chawossing) and what year he passed out from NMS. The soldier obviously got tired of the frequent lies.

Oga begin bite tongue. He literally pee-d. He was disgraced openly later by the man. His father was a Custom Officer. Mehn.

I was like why this guy come dey lie. Abi e no know say I value Custom Officers pass green cap?

8. A guy I respected who lied he was 40 to me.


His body sold his lie. He looked maturer.


I dey respect this guy maka the age barrier. I didn't know what I was searching and saw his original birth certificate with 22years of age on it.

Darkness befell me. I staggered and my arms found a wedge.

I felt betrayed.


I dey call am Oga Martin.

E come inside, I was like “Martin, God go punish you.”

E wan claim activity and all that.

I open en yansh.


My guy laughed me. That was when I truly began to see the underage in him; he was laughing but I was starring at him in disgust!

After two years! Baba even tell me he is divorced with a grown-up daughter in Jakarta who he'd like me to meet.

Mehn, na so my in-lawship died.

And I bin dey give the pastard enough respect.

It hurted more knowing that he was still the same person behind the beautiful girl pics!

Come share yours

The biggest lie is that Buhari is dead and that another iidiot from Sudan is the current president of Nigeria.
And when I told the person that it's a lie, he showed me pictures of the old man's ear and face.
And he also showed me a video clip of all the interviews Aisha gave to the media.

ibedun:


[s]Why The thing come pain you like this bro? Abi na truth the man talk?[/s]

Shut Up

Jamesbally:
Another good news from the East. When Nnandi Kanu, IPOB TERRORIST and ESN are done with the EAST ehn. The region will become a shadow of itself.

Since an Igbo man bought your family land and married your sister, you have been having sleepless nights.
Continue to laze around here @ Nairaland while hardworking Nigerians are out there working hard and making money.

The problem igbo people have is dealing with sore losers and clowns like you.

Good filling stations
Drainage system
Adequate Security
Good transportation.
Good schools and Hospitals.
Good Joint for Nkwobi And Drinks

This site https://www.naijatopix.com/ is the closest to Nairaland that I have seen.

IPOB don't play in the east because majority of easterners are with them.

I pity the so called Ebubeagu, formed by traitor Governors.

Ebubeagu my abunna

I almost 'pregnanted' the akwa ibom girl who called me from the blue like that. I miss the thrills and adventure though.

Things can take unexpected turns, if you are matured enough to know what I mean

Op, this post should have been suspended or delayed because some people will just look at just the name and start a fight

This is sunday and i no wan wahala o.

Odewaleadesoye:


https://punchng.com/any-woman-will-want-to-associate-with-my-husband-aisha-buhari/?amp

Any woman will associate with who?
Which of your husband? Buhari or Jibril El Sudan?

No no no no, that's not enough. Send the bandits to good hospitals and see if they are sick.

Those bandits that are sick and old, should be sent to UK so they will join their brother Buhari who is cooling off there.

Ask them about their living condition as bandits and see if FG can provide electricity and modern toilet systems for them.

No be only surrender. Mumu Government

Wonder why an 89 year old man is wasting his time leading a Country.

Only in Nigeria

englishmart:
My ex invited me for her wedding. I knew it was to spite me. But whatever be the case, I'm not attending even for $200,000 voucher.

What about you?

I once attended the wedding of my ex though we broke up amicably because I was hustling and wasn't ready to settle down.
If you have a current girlfriend, take her to the wedding and try not act like a sore loser while there.

If not, You should think of paying a very fine babe to attend the wedding as your girlfriend, if you don't want her to sleep well.

ewizard1:

Like when a lion catches it, tear it apart and feast on it with its cubs?

Are you a lion or an animal? Just have sense!

tonye33:
It's going to be a fun filled Easter for us after our trap surprised us with this Easter Antelope.. biggest I've ever seen

There's nothing big or fun about that antelope.
If it's still alive and not seriously wounded, and you can free it with proof, I will drop 20k for you in exchange.
Animals can still be killed or slaughtered but in more humane and dignified ways, ok.

As if some of those Policemen knew nothing about the robbers and the robbery.
Bring out lie detector test for them and see if anyone of them will take it.

efficiencie:


Well we ultimately get to know...when the news of paternity fraud, cheating and all manner of sexual infidelity starts to leak from every corner we will get to know. Which set of women complain about their men not satisfying them? Is it not this crop of women who have spent a good time of their life turning their button hole into a crater? When they spend a decade receiving tubers of yam they will now marry a man with sausage roll and start complaining that their husbands cannot satisfy them...so in the end we get to know about their past lives by the tales that their relationships or marriages tell...and by the way lady I don't know why you are so pained. I hope you have not been vandalized by a randy he-goat. By the grace of God I have a woman and I met her complete. She had her tamper-proof intact unlike the leaking holes that parade our streets looking for whom to swallow. When will ladies learn to protect the sanctity of their sexuality? They sell their pride naively to fools, vandals, miscreants and maniacs and expect to get married to a perfect man with no flaws...what trash!

What trash! You are trash

efficiencie:


[s]Well we ultimately get to know...when the news of paternity fraud, cheating and all manner of sexual infidelity starts to leak from every corner we will get to know. Which set of women complain about their men not satisfying them? Is it not this crop of women who have spent a good time of their life turning their button hole into a crater? When they spend a decade receiving tubers of yam they will now marry a man with sausage roll and start complaining that their husbands cannot satisfy them...so in the end we get to know about their past lives by the tales that their relationships or marriages tell...and by the way lady I don't know why you are so pained. I hope you have not been vandalized by a randy he-goat. By the grace of God I have a woman and I met her complete. She had her tamper-proof intact unlike the leaking holes that parade our streets looking for whom to swallow. When will ladies learn to protect the sanctity of their sexuality? They sell their pride naively to fools, vandals, miscreants and maniacs and expect to get married to a perfect man with no flaws...what trash![/s]

Go jump in the nearest gutter, whenever you get the chance. Olodo!

She will read this self inflicted trash and apply it during least expected occasions.

Next you will tell us that your father should have been taller than your mother.

Nigerian men and self defeatism

Ok

Sad!

UK and all these mumu foreign Countries should be blamed as well, for allowing these clowns to seek treatment abroad.

They should encourage them to address domestic problems in their Countries or be refused medical check ups like this.

Nevertheless, may God give him more years so he will see the disaster he turned Nigeria into, during his administration.

Even his marabouts are disappointed that he used the other ear to listen to his Dokintas

I hope Tinubu And Rochas Okorocha will have the fortitude to bear their impending loss.

They can date the North but we shall see when it's time to marry the North.

efficiencie:


Which prayers? The lady is already ravaged by the randy he goat. Now the mother would have to pray that the daughter gets married on time or else the 1m sinkhole could easily become a 1km volcano crater before she gets married and the many randy he goats who would have contributed to creating the 1km wide crater can always continue their operation even after the lady is married leaving her with high chances of committing paternity fraud...

I believe in God and I believe in prayer but I wonder what kind of prayer the mother was praying that a sexual predator finalized his mission right under her nose!

Did the randy he-goat leave a mark on her after the entire relationship? If you meet the girl tomorrow, how are you going to know what happened between her and the guy? Act like you may have a girl in your life and that is assuming you are not gay. You don't have to be nasty and type away your life with those derogatory language of yours.