Hello NR I'm very sorry for bothering you again. I have a big problem and really need your advice please , no insult. My life has been destroyed lately by a woman with whom I had a one night stand on the 3rd of October. I was stressed out because my wife left me so I went out to night club to drink and met the lady there. I wore protection and did everything safely , I didnt enjoy her but I pretended I did , I didnt even like her and wished to hear no more from her , she then texted me 2 days ago to say she is pregnant, her text shocked me within seconds and I texted her that there was no way she could be pregnant. She said she 1000% I'm responsible for her pregnancy and she needed money for antenatal. I rang her and suggested to meet and talk and I suggested to take her to hospital, she refused this and said she needed the money for hospital that she would go on her own. She said she needs 250k and I must pay up fast. I telephoned her to talk everything but she just kept shouting and threatening that if I didn't pay up quickly she would expose me to my wife and in laws which I dont want her to do that because I'm trying my best to bring my wife back and I dont want her to know about this. I told my close friend in desperation and he thinks that this girl Is lying and blackmailing me. I have agreed to pay her 250k and for her to leave me alone until the baby is born they we do DNA, but my friend told me to not paying her yet but I'm scared she will go to my wife but u want to pay her and sorted. I'm destroyed and stressed out to bits over all this and it has been the worst 2 days of my life. I know it was very safe sex and I regretted it, I wish I didn't go out or get drunk on that day.

techwahala:
what if i introduce to a pastor in warri... prophet Jeremiah omoto... google am... haven't been there b4 but watches him atimes on MercyTV

Thank you

Uncleodi:
Does she have a Negative rhesus factor?
If yes, then she may have had an abortion for a Position rhesus partner in the past without taking rhogam.

We have done all blood test the result including rhesus was okay we dont have a problem. She didn't do any abortion because I married her a virgin

Yes we have all 4 kids with us because they dont have anyone else apart from my wife and me. The older boy stays in the university hotels he comes home sometime when he can.

ImaIma1:


"The kids"?

So you have your brother's whole 4 kids with you? That's not an easy task for your wife. Plus she is still trying to conceive. May God help you both

sinaj:
Wife please come back and sort it out with hubby in the hospital, church and bedroom please

Thank you so much

Thank you ,, I didn't confess to my wife or my brother about my niece . My brother was stabbed in the nightclub where he went to drink with friends. I have seen some people here reminding me of my past which it is painful , hopeful that my wife has not read it yet or else it will make things worse. I just want her to be home with us, myself and the kids are missing her every day. The house feel so empty without her

LilMissFavvy:
You should have mentioned if you confessed your crimes to your wife, and brother before his death or not, so that people will know how to adviqse you.

Good morning everybody. I feel lost without my wife, she had a fourth miscarriage after 2 years of marriage and her family has accused me to be a ritualist that I am eating the babies which I know nothing about and they have decided to take her away from me.

I haven't finished grieving for my elder brother who passed away 3 weeks ago, leaving his 4 children for us and now she is gone.

Please she is also in this platform beg her for me to come back to me, because I love her so much and I cant live without her please.

Update
Thank you everyone for your kind advice I taught it would be a good ideas not to confess to them but Instead I have confessed my sin to God and repented for everything, but for peace of mind I took my niece for paternity test which the result came back positive that I am her father , I am very heartbroken but to me she still my brother child and she would still be forever . That was all I had to say thank you

Nothing wrong

Ohidata:
You first need to ask God for forgiveness and try to build a firm relationship with God, then you need to forgive yourself. You need to explain to your wife and ask her for her forgiveness. Your brother needs to go see a therapist for his drinking and womanising issues - he's suffering emotionally and psychologically from what his wife did to him - help him with that if you can afford it. Only after he's better should you explain the situation with his wife to him because he needs to be stable and rational enough to hear what you have to say without sinking into an even darker corner of his life. You send me a private message if you need additional assistance moving forward. God be with you.

Thank you nice advice , i will message you

PrincewithGod:

What a thoughtless advice. My brother, if you carry that secret to the grave, your soul will spend eternity in hell fire. Now these are the choices you have:
a. Spill the beans, make your ways right with God, endure any consequence of your confession and be assured of an eternity of rest.
b. Keep mum, have a 'peaceful' life here on earth, well, your ways will never be right with God with this secret kept, and spend eternity in the tortures of hell.
Don't be fooled, whether you believe it or not, it doesn't matter, there is a heaven and a hell after life here on earth and our relationship with God and man will determine where we will be.

Thank you for the advices

rosalieene:

An unfortunate man ended up marrying her again
smh

Yes she is legally married again big white wedding she put pictures all over facebook and she added my wife on facebook so we can see how her life is glowing

Antina:


Anxiety might caused it also.

Thanks she is a emmotional person but i dont know if it is part of anxiety

stanliwise:
what if you were wrong.
what if the child isn't yours??
what if after you confessed your wife problem still continues??
Despite the above ☝️would you still confess??
you need to answer this questions, it is the key to your problem I will tell you why.

Thanks you are right before i was not thinking how telling the whole truth will destroyed them but after getting some good advices on here i have decide to keep it to myself but i will atleast take her from DNA just to know if she is mine or not . Im hoping she will not be mine that will put my mind in peace .

soohib:
.

Yes
qamarudeenogido1@gmail.com.

Ok i will message you

emmabest2000:
Dude ! Dude ！Dude !!! How many times did I called you ?

If you don’t want to run mad or loses everything you have or even die young , then let bygone be bygone!
Some secrets are better keep secrets forever !

Whatever you and your wife is going through right now is your cross and you have to carry that cross to your grave ! Opening up to your bros or your wife will never.... I repeat.... will never give u a peace of mind !

Believe me the only solution to your present situation is for u to carry that cross (secrets) to grave !

I rest my case !

Thank you

soohib:
.

Quote me ASAP let's chat heart to heart concerning your wife miscarriage.

You mean private messages?

michealdeco:
wow

But I still strongly believe it has to do with medical issues

Try seeing a doctor

We have tried many good hospitals in here but they still cant found the exact causes maybe sending her out of the country will help either to nigeria or south african . I will have a talk with her

Gandollaar:
Make peace with yourself and move on. Don't tell your brother as it will shatter him completely! He won't be shattered because of the child only, but because you slept with his wife. You aided her infidelity which led to their divorce. Forgive yourself and rest the matter.

thank you i will keep it to myself even it is not easy for me because of the guilt im feeling everyday and i cant take this off my head but i will try my best moving on.

HarmonyDee:
DO NOT SAY ANYTHING
Keep that secret, pray for forgiveness, or you will lose your wife, family and life.

Thank you

michealdeco:
are you sure your wife didn't have an abortion during her early stage of life that kicked in the special antibodies that's sees any baby as a threat to her body henceforth terminating it

Let's say she is RH-negative and she had an abortion in which her blood mixed with the blood of the baby who might be rh -positve then the antibodies has already kicked in

You should seek professional medical advice this is nothing to do with your former child

Stop believing in superstitious stuffs

Thanks for the advice. She was a virgin im the only one who enter her jeruzalam

britiko:
@vincent88

Please, let sleeping dog lie.
Some secrets are better left unsaid.

You need to analyze this critically before taking any drastic step. There would be ripple effects.
Now, your conscience is bothering you but immediately you let out the secret your life and d lives of your wife, daughter and brother would never remain the same.

Presently due to your wife's consistent missacarriges you think You are being punished for the sins against your brother. Please, reconcile with God and move on.

Dont bring your wife or brother into this yet. I would advise you conduct a DNA on this girl before you consider confession. For crying out loud, you might be feeling guilty for a child that isnt yours in the first place.

Your brothers ex wife seems very wayward and would cook up any lie just to have you to herself during the wild sex escapade. She might have lied to you, just to have you wrapped around her finger.

If d DNA result comes positive, I will still say kip to yourself. But if your conscience wouldn't let you be you must be ready to face the consequences.

Your wife might divorce you.
Your brother would hate you... remember he's devastated cos he loves his ex wife
You might loose your brother forever.(either he kills himself or zero you out of his life)
He might harm you... kill you
You would never have the daughter and she might hate you for life.

My final conclusion
Do DNA.
If positive, keep quiet and be good to all d kids and your brother.
Reconcile with God and believe you would av ur child.
Dont cause more havocs in the lives of your loved ones.

If DNA is negative, good for you...move on with ur life and be free from guilt.

I feel d child is not yours.
If your mum were alive, she will tell you to kip a sealed lip. After all your brother has invested so much (emotionally, financially) n this girls life....
Seek medical assistance and your wife will conceive.
Please, be wise.

thank you so much very nice advice

Thank you so much guys for all the advices , after reading your advices i realise that i was being selfish looking for my own interest to bring the secrets out because im desperate for my wife to give me my own child i taught maybe bringing this out will deliver us from having our own children , but i was not caring about how my brothers and wife will feel about hearing this especially my brother because he is already a broken man who rely on alcohol and the only things that is keeping him alive it is his children nothing else. I have come to conclusion that i will take the little girl for a secret DNA test to find out if she is mine or not and even if the results came she is my daughter i will forever keep this secrets till my last day on earth . My wife is not the same anymore since her last miscarriage she is depressed , loosing appetites and weight i cant bear to see her looking sad everyday she is only 24 please put us in your prayers for God to remember us and put a smile on my wife face again . Thank you

peacefull:


Ok.
I'm sorry for If I'm rude to you and made you feel bad asked you about that.
I really hope you and your wife will have kids soon in safe.

Please dont apologise i did not take your comment as rude , i was just informing you about the tests we have we were expecting for a result so we can find solution to her problem but with everything coming clear it makes things more stressful. Thank you so much hopefully God will remember us this year and blessed us with triplets

peacefull:


I'm also not English speaker. So If I'm misunderstanding, I'm sorry.
Is that not Recurrent Pregnancy losses or Intrauterine Growth Restriction(IUGR) ?
That is can get pregnant. But keep a baby is little bit difficult. Need assist from doctor when get pregnant.

We have done all the test to find out the exact cause but all the results came back clear with no causes found which it is strange and worrying.

IAMBlesssed:
I will advise you use wisdom to handle this issue not emotions. Some things are better left unsaid, some secrets are meant to die with you. Your brothers and wife knowing about this will cause more harm than good. Your brother may not recover from the shock, he's already a shattered man.

I advise you seek alternative penance for your sin.Go and meet a mature Catholic Priest and confess for your peace of mind (even though you may not be a Catholic, my reason is that Catholic priests are more balanced in reasoning).Use WISDOM.
Shalom..

Thank you im not catholic but i will do as you said , there is a catholic church not far from my workplace i will visit it tommorow after work to get more information .

kross01:
You are in a very tricky situation but my advise to you is this, i believe you have genuinely repented of this evil. If a catholic please go confess to your priest and get spiritual restitution for your wrong. Now once this is spiritually settled, i do not see the need for you to confess to your brother and wife. One, you have already seen how he is unable to handle the break of trust from a once trusted partner, think of what such will do to him from a blood, i assure you he might breakdown and eventually commit suicide but not before telling everyone especially his kids how you betrayed him and you will be shocked even the one u believe is your child might hate you for life and that's how generational seed of discord is sown cos your children will grow to inherit the bitterness for you. As for your wife, this happened way into your past and once she hears this, be rest assured the whole family will hear it and the love and bond will forever be broken. Like someone advised earlier, take ur wife to the hospital when next she is pregnant, most ladies with such history always have similar cause and the solution is always a simple surgical procedure where i think the passage to the uterus is reduced so the baby can comfortably stay and develop. May God help you

Thank you so much for the advice i really appreciate it

Kerosene:



My guy sincerely, listen to what this woman has said above.
Reasons:
1. Your relationship with your brother will never remain the same even if he forgives you. You stand the chance of losing your only brother who is around you, the other is in dubai.
2. You do not want your daughter back, so! let sleeping dogs lie
3. With the present state your brother is, he most likely will kill himself
4. You spoke of Conscience; take it as a punishment for what you did and find peace with God.
5. Your wife accepted your daughter as your brother's child, your wife might not be so nice to her knowing she is your daughter. The attitude of an average Nigerian woman.
6. What you did might not be the cause of your wife miscarriage. like someone suggested on the trend, go to the hospital, it could be the issue of Rhesus.

Know that the overall decision lies with you, but how will you feel if, all I have listed above happens after confessing to your brother? You chances of been forgiven are very slim, and chances of worsen your brothers condition are high.

Thank you

Tosinex:
Open up to your wife! As long as that child is yours your wife needs and must to know. Then you both should pray fervently in togetherness that you won't loose another child. That's the first step!
The second step is more tasking! Concerning this, you should involve a respected elder who can conveniently talk to your brother on your behalf! You both will go and seek the forgiveness of your brother. There's nothing hidden that won't be shown to light, whether here in this life or hereafter after death, so it's better you let your brother know now so you can gain his forgiveness and God's mercy can shine upon you and your wife and she will conceive and bear you a child safely!!! You've wronged your brother, you need his forgiveness, go and get it! God is giving you a chance to do so, and thats the reason for your wife's predicament, don't hesitate, don't tarry long, may you find God's favor in the face of your brother. Grace!!

Thanks for the advice i really appreciate it and i will do as u said

SEGLIZ:

don't keep it from both. no matter what, the longer the secret the more damage it does, to you as an individual, your home, your wife and bro. it will sure be exposed some days to come then it will be fresh but now is better so before a year two, three etc it would have died down. so earlier the better than bringing it when you would have forgotten it.
remember first resolve it with your wife before going out to others. it won't be easy but it the only way to bring about peace.

Thanks i will tell my wife but im not sure when is the right time to speak with her maybe early morning or very late at night i just dont know and i hope she will not leave me after hearing this

[quote author=3plet post=76123758]Don't confess yet!!! 3 miscarriage @about 16weeks could be as a result of "incompetent "cervix", has ur wife had a surgical procedure performed "cerclage" on her @about 13weeks of any of the 3 terminated pregnancies? [/quote
We did all the tests to find out if any problem like incompotent cervix or mis- shaped uterus but the result were negative , she has no problem it is like something spiritual

BiggyB242:
Hush.. You don't want to free your mind rather you want your daughter since you are finding it difficult to have one. Be sincere.

I swear i dont want her even if it came up that she is my child i will never take her away from my brother. She will still his daughter no matter what , I just want to freed myself and move on