₦airaland Forum

Oga Jona wey move $20B in one swipe?

Mtcheeew

You forgot to add

The just-passing-by crew: These guys are so dumb they can't even think up a comment. They just come to threads to mark register.

The paid e-warriors of the various political parties: They must find a way to drag PDP or APC onto every thread. If the sun does not rise this morning, it is because GEJ embezzeled funds meant for the infrastuctural development of the solar system

The male prostitutes: These peeps mostly troll the romance/sexuality sections. Their job is to PM as many gals as they can. If they see any gal, they quickly look up her profile and start PMing her to see if they can score a hookup.

The volcanos: These guys are boiling cauldrons. If you mistakenly or deliberately set em off, be prepared for the insult of your life! They are going to rain more insult on you than God did on the earth during Noah's flood

The derailers: These mudas come to a thread and post something so off topic it makes you wonder if they even know where they are?

The high on cheap meth: These guys make posts so insanely ridiculous and inane it defies even madness. So for their sakes you just assume they are high on something and not psych ward escapees who somehow got their hands on an internet enabled device

The vulgar: All their posts must be well stocked and stuffed with words like p*ssy, d1ck, fvck, nyash etc. They are always deliberately obtuse when replying gals.

The God-bashers: You'll find them mostly in the religious section, where they serially troll religious folks, firing as many blasphemy missiles as they can

The attention whores: "Yes O, you must notice me, because I will paste a large silly gif or message so that everybody will see me. My life is so empty and nobody ever notices me." You know the type

The pathetically lonely: These species of mammals exist mainly in the romance region. They create desperate threads like "I need a girl in port harcourt for a serious relationship, call me on 080-Bleep-Bleep-XX", and you're like dude, there a like over a million girls in port harcourt only!

The irritating space theives: These pals put loooooong spaces in their posts to deliberately annoy anybody using a mobile device. It's really, really annoying, and the mods don't seem to care about it. Anyway, almost everybody on NL has probably indulged in this at some point. We're all guilty

Society for preservation of scepticism: Staunch supporters of the pics-or-it-didn't-happen meme. Give em pics and they start asking for videos, give em videos and they start asking for 3D.
They are however very useful in checkmating the spread of the next set of people below;

Liar-liar-pants-on-fire: These fellas put a wild vivid imagination to waste by inventing big fat lies, about lurid and daring escapades. You see em create threads like "how I bleeped my girlfriends sister and her mother"
If you wanna sell fiction, write a novel!

Stew sauce: An offshoot of SPS(society for preservation of skepticism). Post anything on NL and they are immediately like: "where's the sauce?"

Nairaland Witches and Wizards: You come to NL at 2AM in the morning, and you see some nocturnal animals creating threads and commenting. Una no de sleep? Witches and wizards wey de go blood sucking operations for night still carry their blackberry folo bodi Na wa 4 una O!

Hermanie: You sure say you get sense

Ah ah naw bros

Na lie wey I de lie? No be so we take de do am?

Dahkogrin007: We
cannot all be fools at the same time, can we?

by Chinedu Okolie

Sorry Oga Chinedu...

Their is only one fool in this article...

You, or the APC olodo aspirant that paid you to write and publish that.

I can't believe some people are still pathetically trying to politicize something as pure as the Nigerian Army finally delivering killing blows against Boko Haram, and trying to spin Shekau's demise as a loss for us all.

Yes, our gallant forces finally did it! Despite you and your lot's efforts to disparage and vilify them

Yes, all those monies invested by your pals in sponsoring Boko Haram has been in vain because our God intervened

Disappointed? Well your tears are the wine which we will use to wash down the sweet taste of this victory. So go ahead, cry us a river.

GEJ till the trumpet sounds.

damselalayo: A guy once commited suicide cos he doesn't have a gal to call his own,he may be serious o,you guys should help him out with some tips.maybe he has low self esteem and shy

He should have become a muslim...

At least he would have found 72 virgin girlfriends in death...

Keketu: uhmmmm please this is serious topic

That was a serious post. I'm giving you some real advice and letting you into the biggest player secrets

ayemidun08: .

Then you will turn ur wife to your housemaid den........may God will deliver you

Ah ah now darling, I'm just being explicitly honest.

What do ladies want? If you tell the truth, they get angry and spit fire, if you lie you're and bad person "how could you lie to me?" etc.

People have gotten married for worse reasons, at least I'm better than those golddiggers who marry Tinubu/OBJ/Babangida types for "love"...

PS. Will you marry me and wash my plates and clothes? I'm serious O...

Go out into the streets m@sturbating with your d1ck in hand screaming "O Gawd! O Gaaawd!! Ah need a gurl"...

If your d1ck is big enough (9"in.+) you will get a few offers instantly...

That's how everybody does it, don't mind all those peddled pesky lies about asking a girl out on a date...

After relentlessly heckling Nigeria and backing us to fail against Boko Haram, they are understandably reluctant to eat their own words.

Imagine Isha Sesay standing in front of cameras with the proverbial egg on her face...

Ah don lyk washing plates and clothes...

This is the major reason I'm considering marriage. Sad buh true...

lawrenceunaa: u get sense ?, what if i told you that am in aba right now, would u believe

I never quoted you but u made a fool out of ya self

Orji uzor kalu is a zillion times better than t.a orji i suspect the two names are confusing you.

well, kalu was the predecessor of T.A

Expecting an apology from ya

Orji uzo kalu is a zillion times better than who?

E be like say the guy na ur brother/relative

BTW, who put T A Orji there?

Before he rebelled and dumped PPA, T. A. Orji was Orji Uzo Kalu's stooge

Having learnt very well from his master, he is now heartily following in his despicable footsteps

You want an apology abi? How about you tell me where exactly in aba you stay, lemme come and give you the apology in person

lawrenceunaa: And for that black goat that says it probably looked like aba na cheap popularity de hungry you and ur username says it all

Thunder shave your pubic hair there!

Have you been to aba?

Come here and see honest men & women with sheer innovative talents struggling day by day to make something of it while their Government gleefully continues to heap as many odds as they can against them.

After leaving his home state in sheer ruins, see as the guy dey de form like patriotic entrepreneur visionary... "We are a truly an African company but proudly Nigerian bla bla bla

After all the shit he put Abia people through I guess we are all just supposed to hail him and trust him and his shitty products

Mtcheeeew

Vessi: Well, if you are an Igbo man you are certainly a very useless one.
Black sheep. You don't manufacture yours, when someone else does you call it Aba made and anuofia.

Ma broda easy O!

I never said aba made O!

I'm referring to the way he ruined his state when he was Governor

I buy a lot (a lot) of things from aba, and I respect and worship their ingenuity and spirit of innovation.

They've built success against all odds

aguiyi: stop sounding stupid, aba is dirty because 80% activity there is trading and its like that in every other market in Nigeria.
kudos to Orji

The dirt is not my only beef sef

Have you seen aba roads lately?

Power supply? Insecurity?

Every other market in Nigeria doesn't make the town become a rubbish heap

Lagos and onitsha have far bigger markets

Made by Orji Uzo Kalu?

It'll probably look like aba/abia state

I say this as an igbo man

Anuofia!

2cato: OK i am an uncivilised he-goat

Wanna dance?

Let's dance

Yap I guessed as much, too unintelligent to come up with your own words...

Very original

Pls find the roots of the quadratic equation below;

mu² + mu + gu = 0

2cato: ok thanks. I know u do not have the strenght to recieve insult

OK you uncivilised he-goat...

Wanna dance?

Let's dance

2cato: A lazy person is a lazy person and will always be a lazy person no matter the amount of threat and beating. And i believe most nairalander fall into this group.

Especially you...

Mu²

Raypawer: wey ur sauce

Mehn, r u so lazy u couldn't even read till d end?

D sauce is at d end

bright007: pictures or i dont believe this

A de cum, make I run go Switzerland take sum pics wit ma BB...

KEKE! KEKE!!

Liamm: lol. But how did a fan manage to break into the field of play and take the goalkeeper's water bottle

FC Baden security officials are "investigating" that.

Personally, I think some evil genius fan(s) probably brought a replica of the keepers water bottle, peed in it, and threw it onto the pitch, near the goalkeeper.

Yungwizzzy: What rubbish?

so if it were poison na so the goal keeper go die throway??

Who were the security and officials on duty??

anyway it must be a Nigerian league in swiss!!!

Ma dear itz the swiss league O!

How the fans carry do am, na only Baba God sabi...

As the guy drink the tin finish, the fans started singing "now you will get AIDS!"

Why the poor guy no go concede goals

Them make mistake sef, if to se dem begin sing "now you will get EBOLA!" The keeper for concede reach like 7 goals sef

Khaynet: Chaiiii

Guy, all na tactics.

The keeper concede 3 goals!

nikkypearl: !I don marry ,born sef!

Whaaaat!?

OK, I am officially moving your name from the folder labelled "hot chics" to the folder "MILFs"

A Swiss goalkeeper is considering legal action against supporters who urinated in his water bottle during a recent match in the Swiss first division.

The incident took place during FC Muri’s game at Baden at the weekend and the 34-year-old Reto Felder says he is
“still feeling sick”.

“I have never experienced anything like it, said Felder of the fans, who also shouted “now you will get Aids”.
“That is just primitive filth,” he said. “I took one sip and realised that it was warm but thought that it was because of the sun. But by the second sip I realised that something was wrong.”

The president of Muri’s opponents, Baden, Thomi Bräm, said he was horrified by the allegations but wanted to watch CCTV footage of the incident before commenting.

A spokesperson for the Swiss FA said:
“We take this incident very seriously. We are at the moment waiting to see what decision FC Baden arrives at. We can’t do too much at the moment. The club or
the player can, however, go to a civil court.”

Felder still cannot believe what happened to him: “The mere thought of drinking piss is unbearable. What if, the next time, it is something that knocks you out?”

www.theguardian.com/football/2014/sep/16/goalkeeper-fans-urinated-water-bottle

Now this is what I call supporters

You can guess who won the match

Lol

Everyday for the thief... One day for transformer...

Is that the man in the pic? He sure doesn't look like someone who has had 11/33kV flow through his veins?

First of all, and I can't stress this enough, backup/copy you files to another device, maybe a laptop, flash drive, RW-DVD etc.

Then format the mem card using your bb.

BB uses a different file format system, and I am thinking maybe you or somebody or your small nokia phone formatted the card with to different file format system.

That, ir the memory card has some bad/corrupt sectors during manufacturing.

Hopefully, a simple format solves the issue, but please, back up your files, especially critical documents.

Use a cloud service like dropbox, google drive etc, if you don't have any physical alternative

Everybody is afraid of failure... So I'm not sure I get what you mean? Often its the fear of failure that drives us to success.