lola024: Read carefully and follow the instruction dearly.... then thank me later.
So, you're in love with one of your friends, but she has a boyfriend and probably wouldn't have sex with you anyway.
What you will need: 1 x knife, 1 x ring, access to a sunbed, the ability to grow a beard.
Step One: Place the ring on your wedding finger and avoid contact with your friend for a month.
Step Two: Stop shaving and use the sunbed to gain a tan.
Step Three: After a month when your beard is full and your tan is noticeable, remove the ring from your finger.
Step Four: Remove all your clothes and break into your friend's house.
Step Five: Use the knife to cut your body in various places. Avoid the face. If possible, focus on your back. The more blood the better.
Step Six: Enter your friend's bedroom and lie face down on the floor. Wait for her return.
Step Seven: When she enters the room pretend to be unconscious. Allow her to turn you over and try to wake you for a few seconds before you open your eyes. The injuries to your body will serve as a distraction to your unclothedness. She will be more concerned about your wellbeing instead of fearing the naked man in her room.
Step Eight: When she asks you what's happened you should ignore her questions. Instead you must act confused and ask the date. If it's September 15th she will say 'September 15th' to which you must reply 'No, what year is it?'
Step Nine: Upon hearing the year say the words 'It worked.' Pretend to lose consciousness again for a few seconds, implying that whatever it is that has worked took a great effort.
Step Ten: If your friend is a curious person she will probably ask 'What worked?', even if she doesn't ask this question it is important that you now say the words '(Insert Friend's Name), I'm from the future' in your most deadpan voice.
Step Eleven: Pause for ten seconds to allow the incrediblness of the situation to sink in. There will be no reason for her to doubt your claim, because your beard will make you appear many years older and your cuts would add weight to the idea that you've come from a post-apocalyptic future where a war is currently taking place.
Step Twelve: Raise your left hand to your face. All women are very observant, so your friend will immediately notice the tanline on your wedding finger. If she is educated to a decent standard she will realise that you are married and your ring has simply disappeared, because clothing and other items cannot travel through time. Your nudity will support this.
Step Thirteen: Now comes the hard part - The monologue. In your own words you must give a speech in which you mention all of these key points:
a) You are married to each other in the future
b) Her current boyfriend is dead
c) The world is coming to an end. It's up to you to pick a reason, but I would recommend a war against machines. This whole situation will be backed up by the Terminator franchise
d) In the future your relationship is not going well
e) You've come back in time because you can't help but feel that she would have been happier with her current boyfriend if he hadn't been killed
f) Her current boyfriend is going to be hit by a bus on a day six months from her present. She should stop him going to work that day
g) If she does exactly what you say this current version of yourself will be erased and you will never get married. If she questions this flaw in your time travel logic, because you cannot change the past, simply reference Back to the Future
Step Fourteen: Unless your friend is made of stone she will now be overcome by emotion, especially at your selflessness. Get to your feet and go to kiss her goodbye. It is important that you do this with the confidence of a man who has done this to her many times.
Step Fifteen: There is now no possible way that you aren't about to have sex with her. You're naked, kissing her, in her bedroom, agreeing to erase a version of yourself from history to make her happy. And as far as she knows you've had sex many times in a future that will no longer happen, so she thinks to herself that maybe she should have one memory of it.
Step Sixteen: After having the sex, ask to borrow some clothes then leave.
Step Seventeen: Shave off your beard and coat your wedding finger in fake tan. Carry on as if nothing has happened. There will be three possible outcomes:
1) During the sex some feelings that she didn't know existed are awakened and she will leave her boyfriend for you.
2) Life will carry on as normal.
3) You will be filled with guilt because of this moral grey area where you aren't entirely sure if what you've done counts as some kind of low level rape. You will take your own life by hanging, overdose or wrist cutting.
damiloladuke: Taiwo Idowu self-styled Slim Teezy is one of the budding socialites in the largest city in West Africa, Ibadan.
The young and agile damsel is lively and has a passion to enjoy life to the fullest. She has a strong passion for attending social events as seen on her Instagram page and she is an amazing dancer. Despite her slim body size, she twerks better than some of the curvy ladies littering social media with their adult photos.
Miss Idowu is a known face in popular nightclubs in Oyo State where she comfortably smokes her 'Shisha' with so much passion as she rocks body-revealing clothes. She is a great lover of Wizkid and has twerked breathtakingly to some of his dance tracks.
Reports have it that she is heavily coveted by men who love them slim and portable.
Iceking1: I have seen so many infinix hot note and hot note 2 users giving so many positive testimonies of how their phone battery can go for days without going off. . And also i have also read and a living proof of people complaining about their infinix hot2 battery, because i also uses the hot 2 . . 1)So the point of this thread and my question is : isn't a 4000mah battery supposed to last as twice as a 2000mah battery . 2)why does infinix hot note, and hot note 2 battery 4000mah lasts 3 - 5times more than ordinary hot or hot2 2000mah. . 3)infinix hot note battery can last days without going off but, infinix hot2 battery cannot last more than 4 - 5hours max . . These are questions begging for answers.
. Back then i was having the same problem but after i bought another battery i felt the difference instantly it lasted more than the one that i bought with the phone
The world richest man Bill gates has revealed that is his children won't get a penny of his £70billion fortune and says he will give it away to charity instead when he dies.
The Microsoft creator said this on ITV’s This Morning , who has an estimated net worth of $81.7 billion, says his kids understand his decision.
Speaking to Holly Willoughby and Ben Shephard, the 60-year-old said: “Well, our kids receive a great education and some money but they will go out and have their own careers."
He reasoned that by allowing his children - two daughters and a son - to inherit his fortune “distorts anything” they might try to do.
gistyinka: Aliko Dangote’s daughter, Mariya Dantata graduated from Coventry University with a Master Degree. Her dad, siblings, close family and friends, including billionaire Femi Otedola were all there to celebrate her special day with her.
Smallville10: O my God. That lady looks like my ex-girlfriend. D only girl i loved with all my heart. I have to go back her, i just realized she is meant for me. If i lose her i am dead
put your trust on girls and die a painful death use your head...
saintfaculty: chill bro. * c8 has serious multitasking issue * w4 quite better but hangs sometimes, I think it's because of the marshmallow running on 1GB Ram. * L8, mmmh.. Make I no too hype the device, e Neva reach 5hrs for my hand... Maybe I no charge the phone full but e done drop like 27% now. Hopefully after full charge I go try drop review on d battery life but the device fast well we'll.
NaijaCelebrity: Nollywood star, Funke Adesiyan who is well known for flaunting her flamboyant lifestyle on social media, shocked many when she shared a photo of her wearing a cheap top worth $ 5.99.
That's practically less than 2,000 naira, which is really unusual for her status.
This has made many wonder if the actress is getting broke or cutting off her flamboyant lifestyle.
Although she justified her action by saying she buys anything that attracts her, regardless the amount, some of her followers ain't buying it.
In her words: I found this inexpensive top in a store at Jamaica Queens. I buy what attracts me either on Fifth Avenue or Jamaica Centre.”
mznel: You are a pathetic liar. If it worked with uc browser or other apps I for agree. But to say you used 20gb on opera for just those two days. Guy go sleep. I hate people who post nonsense to get views..
Even as I did the stuff early and used the opera big fie download trick. I no pass 5gb. As the most of the files still failes to download..
The refused to refund your money because of your approach. I know people the refunded their.even my guy twice last week.. so no the talk nonsense
UnknownT: Currently it does not work with uc browser and a few other app. but am working on how to make it power all other Apps, I will try to update you guys when I finally get the solution for that. . This part got me laughing, op talking as if na him develop the data plan
have you tried this connecting it to your laptop through hotspot
JAYTUNEZ: Over the weekend at the Buckwyld 'n' Breathless concert hosted by 2baba and chocolate city rapper, M.I Abaga, things got quite steamy. During one of the performances, a sexy twerk dancer came onstage during M.I's performance to give him a 'ride of life' with a very raunchy lap dance...
oh my God not again I pray the Lord will heal him ..Amen
sixtuschimere: Popular gospel singer Paul Praise who is known for the popular song ''My God is Good (Double Double)'' is down with renal failure.Paul Praise's two kidneys have reportedly stopped working and he has been undergoing dialysis at NAF Base hospital, Ikeja Lagos.
According to him,he was active till July when the pains become more severe.He visited a hospital and was informed that his two kidneys have packed up.He has been undergoing dialysis twice a week at NAF Base hospital, Ikeja.
The Double Double singer needs the sum of nine million naira for a kidney transplant. An account has been opened to raise the needed sum.
JAYTUNEZ: At 41years of age her biological clock for birth might be hitting night time soon.. This thought must have made the actress cry out that she wants to have her own kids as soon as possible.
During a live Facebook chat with fans, multiple award winning actress, Rita Uchenna Nkem Dominic revealed her love for children and when she was asked if she had any yet, the Imo state star said;
“No, I don’t. But I’d love to. I love children very much. I am working on it, hopefully…Pretty, Pretty Soon”
Due to the fact that, Rita was so sure of having a baby soon, fans quizzed her on if there is already a man in her life, she revealed that she broke up with her Germany based lover, but also told fans that her relationship was her personal business and didn't talk on the topic again, she said;
"It is my personal life…actually I used to date someone in Germany…but anyway let’s leave it, leave that personal life aside for now”
JAYTUNEZ: At 41years of age her biological clock for birth might be hitting night time soon.. This thought must have made the actress cry out that she wants to have her own kids as soon as possible.
During a live Facebook chat with fans, multiple award winning actress, Rita Uchenna Nkem Dominic revealed her love for children and when she was asked if she had any yet, the Imo state star said;
“No, I don’t. But I’d love to. I love children very much. I am working on it, hopefully…Pretty, Pretty Soon”
Due to the fact that, Rita was so sure of having a baby soon, fans quizzed her on if there is already a man in her life, she revealed that she broke up with her Germany based lover, but also told fans that her relationship was her personal business and didn't talk on the topic again, she said;
"It is my personal life…actually I used to date someone in Germany…but anyway let’s leave it, leave that personal life aside for now”
mezynaija: Celebrity blogger, Linda Ikeji, has revealed in a 15-minute documentary by Success Story NG, the kind of man she wants.
Linda also revealed how she started from nothing, embraced her passion and preserved it till she got to where she currently is. Talking about her blog, she said: “I do the blogging all by myself, If I had a boyfriend the blog will suffer. Boyfriend? I don’t talk about my personal life anymore. I was doing that in 2008/2009. But now, I am getting a lot of attention from men now for whatever reason.”
On being single and what she wants in a man, she said: “Unfortunately, I am single, I don’t know what it is. Definitely, I am looking, I just haven’t seen anyone I want to settle with. I hope it happens soon. The most important thing is a man who supports what I do. If he doesn’t support it, there is no Linda Ikeji and the person. That cannot happen. A man who respects women, who is kind-hearted, has his own money, has a job.”
Kyliegame: Nollywood actress Ebube Nwagbo and twin sister colleagues Treasure and Tracy Daniels paid a visit to the white house. With the way Ebube is dressed, I wonder if they even let them beyond the gates where they took the photos.
Celebrities › Re: Tekno Brags Of His Excess Money While Shopping With Friends In Newyork(pics,vid) by Xbursta(m): 3:01am On Jan 15, 2017
