₦airaland Forum

There’s a simple fact that I’ve discovered that almost no one really gets. Stated as simply as I can, it goes like this: when ever I experience any kind of pain it is because I am healing.
 
I can apply this directly to the shin I bumped on my kid’s toy box. I bumped my shin, I got a bruise, it hurts and because it hurts my mind knows where to send the healing white blood cells and other chemicals that inspire regrowth and healing.

People don’t realize that this simple principal applies to emotional pain as well. When I get hurt emotionally I feel emotional pain. That pain signals my mind to send the healing energies toward that part of me that is hurt. I may feel it in my heart or in the pit of my stomach but really its some ephemeral part of me that is not quite physical and not quite conceptual. Yet it heals via the same exact process.
 
We are all vulnerable to being wounded. We can all be hurt. That is a simple fact of life and there is nothing we can do about it. We could don armor to protect our bodies and we can don attitudes to protect our emotions, but ultimately things meant to protect us end up preventing us from feeling. Its a vicious trade off which I feel should never be made.
 
I’m of the philosophy that I should be open and honest, even to the extent that I wear my emotions on my shirt sleeve. If someone turns out to be not trustworthy, I’m not going to protect myself from them, I’m going to push them out of my life. If I can’t gently push them away, then I’ll simply ignore their behavior, or better yet, face it and stare it down.

It seems foolhardy, huh? But its not. I have found I can put myself “out there” so to speak and have no fear about what may come as long as I’m being honest first and foremost with myself and then with everyone else. As long as I’m honest in my attitudes then people have no ability to hurt me.
 
I’ll give you an example.
 
I work in Silicon Valley as a Nerd. I’m a bit odd, being an engineer who wears his emotions on his shirtsleeve. Some don’t like it, some can’t get used to it, some ignore it, and a few respect it.

More than a year ago I found out that the managers of a project to which I had devoted myself had decided that the schedule slipped and the project failed because of me. Clearly that wasn’t the case. No single individual is ever at fault for a project that goes south. There had been no intention to tell me this, but one of my coworkers told me about the meeting he sat in where the managers continually blamed me for everything.
 
Had I not been trained so well by reality I would have gotten very upset. Honestly, I care, and normally the old me would be upset over this. However, because of my experience I realized almost immediately that the managers needed a scape goat because they were incapable of finding the root causes. Its arguable that the project hadn’t failed. In fact it was merely late and had no one wanted to buy it. That’s not failure, that’s bad luck. But they couldn’t see that partly because they feared their own failure and partly because they subconsciously saw their own mistakes and couldn’t own up to them.
 
I got that all in a flash of insight and I was able to let it go. I made mistakes. I slipped my schedule, sure, but I wasn’t the cause of the failure and placing blame on me or anyone else was not going to do anyone any good.
 
How was it that I was able to grow to the extent that I wasn’t bothered by these people’s opinions of me? I still cared. I still wanted to learn and grow and do better, but I wasn’t upset by the fact that I had become the project scape goat. How?
 
Quite simply I had previously healed of all emotional pain. There was no more parts of me that were wounded for them to pour salt on.
 
I have to take a step back now and talk more about childhood. The other day I talked about how we are all three and a half years old. What I didn’t say is why we are all three and a half years old and why we don’t grow up.
 
We are three and a half because we are hurt when we are babies and at the age of three and a half we choose to stop aging to stop feeling the hurt that we were given as infants and babies. There is a certain amount of genetic vulnerability. Being born hurts like hell and unless our mother knows how to deal with their pain then how can we as newborns deal with our own? All our repression starts then, on day one. I honestly believe that’s one of the things the bible means when it uses the term, “original sin.”

Teething hurts too and if our mothers, fathers, siblings, grand parents, etc are not compassionate toward us when we cry out in pain then how can we be expected to be compassionate to ourselves, let alone others. Our parents try to medicate us with Anbesol, Tylenol, or they try to medicate themselves with Alcohol, Sex, Drugs, etc etc etc. If they react to their own pain (inspired by our crying) then how can we do any better?
 
We can’t. We are at the mercy of our biological and sociological situation.
 
As children we cannot rise above the pain by feeling compassion and love for ourselves unless we have a mother and family who does that for us first. I have never met someone that loving and aware. Have you? Even if our mother’s were perfect, there’s still that genetic inheritance we have to get used to.
 
We stop aging at three and a half because our three and a half year old parents stopped aging at three and a half. Their coping mechanisms are all based on those of their three and a half year old parents. Restated: we can’t be more mature than three and a half because we have no examples of that maturity and facing pain to grow beyond it is hard. Its much easier to distract ourselves from it, or repress it, than to face it. We learn to cope because we don’t know any better.

We have no chance to be any different. Its just a fact of being human. That’s life.
 
I’m three and a half too. I’ve always been three and a half, but at least I know it. Knowing enabled me to find compassion for myself when I was emotionally hurt.
 
Isn’t it odd, when we’re physically hurt as small children we make a big deal out of it. “Mommy! I got a Boo-ey!” we shout. Mommy kisses it and makes it feel better. As adults we pay little attention to the nicks and bruises we get. But if we get emotionally hurt, what do we do as adults? “MOOOMMMMY! I GOT A BOOO-EY!” We’re still three and a half. Can you see it? Mommy might be our wife or lover, or our best friend or even our mother, but we all go running to someone else to show them our booey and get them to kiss it and make it better. Ironically we generally only open ourselves to being hurt by those who we put in the role of .......... Please complete reading this article @ http://coolpenny./2013/08/28/permanent-cure-for-emotional-pain/

There are so many things she admires about you and it’s obvious that she’s proud of you, but she also finds you so frustrating. Whenever she tries to engage you and draw you out, you get that “deer in the headlights” look. She blow ups, explodes, starts screaming and yelling, then calms down and tries to have a nice conversation, and all you can do the whole time is nod. Sometimes her yelling and screaming pushes you to the point where you either ignore her or walk away to avoid her.

A few hours later you come back and apologize, but even after you’ve said “I’m sorry”, and explanations have been made both sides, you can tell she’s still mad at you because she’s kind of distant. But you don’t want more yelling and screaming, so you let it slide.

For a few days everything is so great. Then she wants to talk about feelings and emotions, you do the deer in the headlights thing again, and all hell breaks lose. She screams, yells cries, threatens you with ultimatums and all you want to do is go away somewhere and think.

The dramas go and on, until one day she ups and leaves. You still love her very much and you know she loves you, but she just can’t stand your emotional passivity. And she’s not the first and only woman who loved you (and probably still does) but just can’t stand to be around you because she thinks you are so cold and uncaring.

What happens with you is that every time you are forced to deal with anything related to feelings and emotions, the inner child within goes into his room, alone, and gently closes the door behind him. Behind your closed bedroom door, the inner child can scream, curse, cry, bang and throw things around until he is exhausted then he comes back out.

You do not let how you feel be known because you don’t know how to, so you withdraw into yourself. There you stress yourself with, what will they think? Will they understand how I really feel? What if they think I am conceited and shallow? What if I get so carried away and get too emotional, they’ll think I am not man enough. What if they learn something about me that they will later on use against me? What if I told them a childhood secret in strictest confidence and they go blabbing it about and everyone knows? What if things just don’t work out? All these and many more reasons make it seem like it is best to withdrew and keep all of your feelings inside.

The irony is that, while you can walk away into your “emotional bedroom” and close the door behind you, you are also closing out the very people you want to know how you feel and feel your love. Your fear of hurting someone’s feelings, of getting your feelings hurt, of making a mistake or taking a controversial position that involves feelings and emotions only ends up making women really mad at you, feeling hurt and hurting you.

Your refusing to “talk out” your feelings just convinces women that they have to push you too far before you show any emotions. Sometimes women get mad at you for some unexpected thing and then just keep it up just to get a reaction from you. And even when the relationship seems to be great, you are constantly worrying about which idea/advice/tactic you should follow, what you should say or how you should act, what is the best way to get back on her good side etc. You stress yourself out believing and thinking the worst of a situation.

Many men with this problem will go from one hurtful situation or failed relationship to another, without giving any thought whatsoever to why or how their relationships keep failing.  In spite of their best efforts to give themselves passionately and totally to someone, the women they date feel that they are detached, uninviting, rigid and unemotional.

I’m ashamed to say this, but there are men who think that a woman’s emotional outbursts and drama are a sign that she’s in love. Others just blame it on PMS because it’s much easier to think “it’s not something  I can do anything about” than actually look at oneself and change. Some of the men who try to “change” only change the outer circumstances without changing the inside — and end up in another relationship that fails for similar, yet opposite extreme reasons. Others, think her emotional

If this is your relationship pattern, the women you attract and try to have a relationship with may be women who have their own issues from childhood that they are re-playing, but the fact that you keep attracting them says you are creating your own experiences. You can try to learn how to spot women who have serious emotional problems by paying attention to the words they use and their.............. Sorry I could finish this here. Go to http://coolpenny./2013/08/28/why-shes-angry-when-youve-done-nothing-wrong/
Or wait for the continuation this weekend.

It’s a well known fact that if things are  moving along nicely and you are comfortable with each other, you both should know if you want to be exclusive without having to say it. But what if you are ready to move into exclusivity and he doesn’t make a move or she doesn’t seem to be thinking about it even after you’ve dated for at least a year, how do you find out if he/she is willing to give up all others and date you exclusively.

Going about it the wrong way, like nagging, begging, playing “detective” and snooping around will likely make him/her run for the door. So what is the right way to approach the situation?

1. Take note of how much “quality” time the two of you spend together.

If your dates consist primarily of dinner and a movie, watching late-night TV, cuddling and then having sex, but after the night of so-called passion, he/she disappears and forgets to call you for several days, that’s not dating, that’s a booty call.

Let’s face it – it’s obvious he/she just wants sex, nothing more. Why buy the cow (and pay for all the maintenance costs) if you can get the milk for free.

2. If you met him/her on a dating site/service ask him/her if he/she still uses it.

Keeping a profile on a dating service when he/she is dating you is not any different from hanging around single bars. If you are okay with him/her hanging around single bars – alone – then keeping a profile and logging onto their account daily when he/she is dating you should be no problem. Just keep in mind that how a man/woman you’re dating handles “disconnecting from all others” tells you a lot about how they will handle commitment once you decide to be exclusive.

That said there are some dating websites that make it difficult for members to go offline. But if you managed to go offline, he/she should be able to do so as well.

3. Ask him/her how long, in the past, he/she dated with an ex’s before he/she became aware he/she was the right/wrong person.

If they dated for 8 months, then wait 8 months before you bring up the issue of exclusivity. If on the other hand you’ve been dating for more than 8 months (past their usual “know” time), then you need to bring up the issue of exclusivity (see No.4 for a subtle way of doing this)

4. Get him/her to say so.

The best way to convey that you’d rather he/she dates only you is to get him/her to say so. One subtle way (there are others) of asking him/her if he/she is seeing others besides you is to say something along the lines “you are a great a catch, there must be so many other men/women who want to date you.” If he/she proudly and excitedly tells you there are many others and even begins telling you stories and names, you know he/she is not ready to be exclusive. His/her self-worth is still tied to how many others find him/her desirable.

If he/she keeps quiet, acts confused, changes the subject, or says something vague about wanting to get exclusive “some day,” then may be he/she thinks it’s too early or just not yet sure if you are the one.

If the answer is yes there are many but I am not interested, ask him/her “why not?” If he/she says “because I have you”, “I’m happy with things the way they are between us”, etc, you’ve got your answer.

Never, ever, assume you’re exclusive and don’t depend on your.......... Please bear with me and read on here @ http://coolpenny./2013/08/28/find-out-if-he-or-she-wants-to-be-exclusive/

When it comes to assessing the romantic playing field — who might be interested in whom — men and women were shown to be equally good at gauging men’s interest during an Indiana University study involving speed dating — and equally bad at judging women’s interest.

Researchers expected women to have a leg up in judging romantic interest, because theoretically they have more to lose from a bad relationship, but no such edge was found.

“The hardest-to-read women were being misperceived at a much higher rate than the hardest-to-read men. Those women were being flirtatious, but it turned out they weren’t interested at all,” said lead author Skyler Place, a doctoral student in IU’s Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences working with cognitive science Professor Peter Todd. “Nobody could really read what these deceptive females were doing, including other women.”

Place’s study, published in the January issue of the journal Psychological Science, focused on the ability of observers to judge romantic interest between others because this ability has evolutionary benefits when it comes to finding a mate. Decisions that other people around us make, said Place, can influence or inform our own choices.

“So, if you walk into a room and there’s 20 people you’ve never met before, being able to know which individuals might be available and which are clearly smitten by others can make you more efficient in finding your own romantic interest to pursue,” he said.

For the study, 28 women and 26 men of college age watched video clips of couples interacting on speed dates. Speed dating is a popular commercial method for singles to meet a large number of individuals in one evening of successive brief one-on-one conversations. Each participant observed 24 videos, all with different men and women, and after each rated whether the man seemed interested in the woman and the woman in the man.

The speed dating sessions were all conducted in Germany while the observer ratings were all made by students in Indiana. Despite the language difference, observers were still able to judge men’s romantic interest accurately using body language, tone of voice, eye contact, how often each dater spoke and other non-verbal cues.

“How people talk might convey more than what they say,” Place said.

Observers did not have to see much of this non-verbal behavior. They were just as good at predicting the speed-dating couple’s interest if they saw only 10 seconds of the date as they were if they saw 30 seconds. The researchers say this showed that observers, even with limited information, could make quick, accurate inferences using “thin slices” of behavior.

There was, however, great variability in how well observers could predict the interest of any particular speed-dater, ranging from 90 percent accuracy down to 10 percent. In five of the videos, 80 percent of the observers thought the women shown were interested when in fact they were not — they were acting friendly even though they had no interest in the men.

Evolutionary theory, said Place, predicts a certain level of coyness or even deceptiveness in women because if a relationship is abandoned they may face greater costs, including pregnancy and child rearing. When choosing a mate, it is in a woman’s best interest to get men to open up and talk honestly to give her a better idea of whether they would be good long-term partners.

“In a speed dating environment, you would expect to see these effects dramatically, with the women trying to get the men to be more straightforward, while they themselves remain more coy,” Place said. “Though the pace is faster than a typical first date, the strategy remains the same.”

http://coolpenny./2013/08/27/interested-or-deceptively-flirting/

Ovulation signs and symptoms are often subtle. Still, understanding when you’re ovulating — and having sex regularly around the time of ovulation — can improve the odds of conceiving.

Ovulation is the release of an egg from the ovary. Ovulation often happens around day 14 of the menstrual cycle, although the exact timing may vary among women or even from month to month.

Ovulation signs and symptoms may include:

Abdominal cramps. For some women, ovulation triggers mild abdominal cramps.

Change in vaginal secretions. Just before ovulation, you might notice an increase in clear, slippery vaginal secretions — if you look for it. These secretions typically resemble raw egg whites. After ovulation, when the odds of becoming pregnant are slim, the discharge will become cloudy and sticky or disappear entirely.

Change in basal body temperature. Your basal body temperature, or your body’s temperature at rest, increases slightly during ovulation. Using a digital thermometer or a thermometer specifically designed to measure basal body temperature, take your temperature every morning before you get out of bed. Plot the readings on graph paper or in a spreadsheet and look for a pattern to emerge. You’ll be most fertile during the two to three days before your temperature rises.

In addition, you might want to try an over-the-counter ovulation kit. These kits test your urine for the surge in hormones that takes place before ovulation, which helps you identify when you’re most likely to be ovulating.

To maximize your fertility, have sex once a day around the time of ovulation — particularly during the day or two leading up to ovulation.

http://coolpenny./2013/08/26/getting-pregnant-knowing-your-ovulation-periods-increases-your-chances-of-conceiving/

The House of Representatives has accepted the challenge by a former Minister  of Education, Oby Ezekwesili, to conduct a public hearing on its alleged scandalous N1 trillion wage bill since 2005.

A spokesperson for the House said in a statement on Thursday that the National Assembly “wholeheartedly” welcomed Mrs. Ezekwesili’s request because of its belief in transparency in governance.

A statement by Rep Victor Afam-Ogene, Deputy Chairman, House Committee on Public Affairs, however said the former minister should prepare to explain her understanding of cost of governance and provide reasons for narrowing the concept to the National Assembly, leaving out the Executive.

The  statement reads, “Nigerians would remember that in the course of a similar misadventure  in January 2013, Mrs. Ezekwesili had made wild claims bordering on the alleged frittering of $45bn  of the country’s external reserves, and $22bn  in the excess crude account.

“While she has yet to fully justify those allegations, the former minister is this time seeking a fresh sparring partner in the Legislature.

“If it were not so, why would an address which centered on a “Cost of Governance in NIgeria” be curiously limited to an inquest into the operations of the National Assembly, leaving out the other two arms  of government (the Executive and Judiciary) and arriving at the rather simplistic suggestion of the introduction of a unicameral or part-time legislature as the panacea  for  all Nigeria’s problems?

“Since it is public knowledge that whosoever wishes to go to equity ought to do so with clean hands, we restate our earlier posers which Mrs. Ezekwesili conveniently glossed over in her latest statement on this issue, to wit: What is the percentage of the National Assembly’s N150bn  allocation in a budget of N4.9tr?

“Is it right to insinuate that the budgetary allocation for the National Assembly is for ‘members salaries and allowances’, while deliberately leaving out capital projects component, salaries of  legislative aides and the bureaucracy, as well as allied institutions such as  the Institute for Legislative Studies?

“What is the total disbursement to the Executive and the Judicial arms of government over the same eight-year period?

“For an ex-official of government, who between the 2006 and 2007 federal budgets, superintended over a total of N422.5bn as Education Minister, what percentage of the public fund was expended by her as recurrent cost?”

Mrs Ezekwesili, had on Wednesday challenged the federal lawmakers to a public hearing, where she indicated she would defend her call for the scrapping of an arm of the National Assembly which, as presently structured, has gulped over N1 trillion in federal budget since 2005.

Mrs. Ezekwesili’s earlier call on Monday had stirred a fresh debate about government spending on salaries.

Speaking at an event hosted by the Civil Society Legislative Advocacy Centre  that day, Mrs. Ezekwesili said Nigeria’s 469-member National Assembly, comprising a Senate and a House of Representatives, had gulped N1 trillion since 2005.

She criticized the lawmakers’ huge wage bill as well as Nigeria’s budgets that have given more money to recurrent expenditure, and called for a single arm of the legislature.

As expected, the comments sparked angry reactions from lawmakers on Tuesday, who asked the minister to also shed light on how much she spent or drew first as a minister of solid minerals, and later as minister of education.

Mrs. Ezekwesili was first appointed a minister of solid minerals in 2005, under former President Olusegun Obasanjo. She was later moved to the education ministry.

“She was part of several reform committees that ended up being reformed themselves. In view of this, the best way to go to equity is to go with clean hands,” a spokesperson for the House of Representatives, Victor Ogene, said.

“It would, however, suffice for Ezekwesili to tell us what recurrent expenditure was during her tenure and what it cost Nigerian taxpayers to maintain her and her aides for a year....... .......see the former minister's full statement here »»»
http://sapostiks..com/2013/08/controversial-n1-trillion-wage-bill.html

Question: We went out on three dates and he seemed really so into me but I think he lost interest because I acted shy and awkward around him. The last time we went out, he made some remark about sometimes letting my hair down and live a little. The next day we spoke on the phone briefly and since then it’s been two weeks and I’ve not heard from him.

I’ve had my share of men most of whom I was not interested in. This guy is different and I really enjoyed every moment we spent together. It frustrates me so much that I failed to show him the fun-loving side of me. All my female friends say I should leave him alone because if he really was into me, he’d pursue me like all men do. My male friends on the other hand say, I should reach out to him and see where it goes. I do not want to be too forceful or give him the impression I’m chasing him. I guess I am just old fashioned. He initiated all the calls and arranged all the dates. What do you think, should I reach out to him and see where it goes or should I just let this go?

Answer: Just from your email, it seems that he did not get the reactions that he had expected and hoped for. It’s possible that he may have felt that you just are not that into him. This is just my guess based on the information you provided.

I think that if you really enjoy his company that much that you should call, email or text him, whatever you feel comfortable doing. I don’t think that reaching out to him just once will look like you are chasing him or being forceful. If you make a habit of calling him all the time or expecting him to call you (and complaining when he doesn’t), then that’s aggressively chasing him.

The worst that can happen here is that he will not respond but at least you know the ball is in his court and you didn’t just drop it and let the man of your dreams slip through your fingers.

If you get that chance to hang out with him again, let him see you as you. Just enjoy your time together. Don’t worry too much about trying to impress him and instead share with him who you as a person and also show some interest in him as a person. If you’re easy to get along with, laugh and express yourself naturally, he’ll be drawn to that energy. But if you’re trying too hard to impress him, it means you’ve tuned into your own thoughts and most likely coming across as  uptight or boring.

If you’re worried about being too forceful or giving him the impression you’re chasing him, then don’t bring up the “where is this going” type conversation until you’re into “a relationship”. Bringing up these conversations too early into the “get to know you” stage is usually what makes most men feel that a woman is being too forceful.

If you don’t get that chance then maybe next time be a little more open, fun and show you’re interested with the next guy you really like so it could lead to something more.

http://coolpenny./2013/08/22/how-do-i-show-i-like-him-without-chasing-him/

The drama of the alleged failure of the Rivers State government officials to pay the First Family a condolence visit continues after the First Lady issued another statement, Wednesday, insisting that the state ignored her during her moment of loss.

In her second public statement in less than 72 hours, Patience Jonathan, wife of President Goodluck Jonathan, reiterated that several groups and individuals from across Nigeria paid condolence visits at the State House, Abuja.

“Many of us claim to serve God. God whether as Christians or Muslims, is compassionate in nature. If truly we serve Him, this should reflect in our actions,” Mrs. Jonathan said in the statement by Ayo Adesugba, Director of Information, Office of the First Lady.

“We restate, for the avoidance of doubt, that neither the Rivers State governor nor his wife has come to the State House, Abuja, like so many other people from all walks of life, to condole with the First Family.

“This is a gesture of compassion, which comes from the heart. The First Lady, Dame Patience Jonathan, therefore, holds no resentment towards anyone who does not wish to come to the State House or to her home in Port Harcourt to extend the act of commiseration,” she added.

Mrs. Jonathan lost her mother, Charity Oba, in a ghastly auto accident along the East-West Road in Rivers State, on July 22.

Since her bereavement, no official of the Rivers State government had paid the president and his wife a condolence visit, according to the First Lady.

In her first statement, late Monday, Mrs. Jonathan described the action as a ‘disrespect’ to the First Family.

“It should be noted that while several groups and individuals from across the country came to condole the first lady and Mr. President on the death of her mother, no official of Rivers state government deemed it fit to pay the first family condolence visit, yet they claimed the first lady is a daughter of Rivers state,” Mrs. Jonathan had said.

“He who must go to equity must go with clean hands. They should learn to give respect to those who deserve respect so that they too can earn respect,” she had added.

However, less than 24 hours later, photographs of Judith Amaechi, the First Lady of Rivers State, signing a condolence register at Mrs. Oba’s residence surfaced.

SAPOSTIKS checks also revealed that in addition to Tele Ikuru, the Rivers State Deputy Governor, and other state functionaries accompanying Mrs. Amaechi on the visit in Port Harcourt; Rotimi Amaechi, the State Governor, had also issued a statement commiserating with the First Lady on her bereavement.

In her statement, late Wednesday, Mrs. Jonathan said that was not enough.

“It is instructive to note that since the death of Mrs. Charity Oba, the mother of the First Lady, several groups and individuals from across the country have come to condole the First Family at the State House, Abuja,” Mrs. Jonathan said.

“They include Executive State Governors and their wives from all the political divides; Nigeria’s former Presidents and Heads of State and their wives, captains of industry, female Ambassadors and High Commissioners of Nigeria, other members of the diplomatic corps, royal fathers and traditional leaders – the list is too numerous to call.

“However, the Governor and the wife, from the state the First Lady hails, have not paid such a visit,” Mrs. Jonathan added.

Reacting to the photographs circulating in various media, the First Lady stated that they were taken in Mrs. Oba’s home, and that the she did not receive condolence guests in her late mother’s home.

“All those who paid condolences and commiserated with Dame Patience during her visit to Rivers State, came to the First Lady’s home in Port Harcourt, where arrangements were made and facilities were made available to receive sympathizers.

“We can borrow a leaf from His Excellency, Dr. Goodluck Jonathan, who went to Lagos State with some members of his Executive Council, to commiserate with Governor Babatunde Fashola on the demise of his father, Alhaji Ademola Fashola.

“Death does not know age, gender or political party affiliation. Neither should compassion.”

http://sapostiks..com/2013/08/condolence-visit-drama-rivers-officials.html

oxygen47: In other words, U require a high level of spirituality to attain d HEAVENLY feelin dat comes with sex
Where is my chaplet?

hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha. Thunder fire Satan

President Goodluck Jonathan’s wife, Patience Jonathan, has decried the failure of Governor Rotimi Chibuike Amaechi of Rivers State to pay her a condolence visit since her mother died in an automobile accident several weeks ago. In a statement released today in Abuja, Mrs. Jonathan all but declared Mr. Amaechi and his wife guilty of bad manners for refusing to express their sympathy over her mother’s death.
The First Lady’s statement was a reaction to reports that she had failed to recognize the presence of Rivers State Deputy Governor, Tele Ikuru, who was at the Port Harcourt International Airport to receive her when she visited the state on Sunday.
In a statement signed by the First Lady’s Director of Information, Ms. Ayo Adesugba, Mrs. Jonathan stated that, despite the refusal of the governor and his wife to pay her a condolence visit, she bore them no grudge.
Mrs. Jonathan’s press release noted that numerous personalities, including former presidents, traditional rulers and diplomats,had consoled her over the death of her mother, Mrs. Charity Oba. “However, [Governor Amaechi] and the wife from the State which the First Lady hails have not paid such a visit,” the statement added.
Mrs. Jonathan, who is originally from RiversState, has been identified as the principal sponsor of a political group that has precipitated a political crisis in the state. In recent months, the state has come close several times to being ungovernable. The crisis culminated in a physical brawl between five members of the state assembly loyal to Mrs. Jonathan and the majority who back the governor. The brawlwas captured on tape and went viral after different versions of it were posted on youtube.
Speaking recently with a group of pastors who paid her a visit, Mrs. Jonathan stated that Governor Amaechi was stubborn, but added that he was a son to her. She deniedwishing the governor political or physical harm, adding that prayers were needed to resolve the crisis in the state.
OFFICE OF THE FIRST LADY, FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA
PRESS RELEASE
Leave Me Out of Rivers State Politics - First Lady
The attention of the First Lady, Dame Patience Jonathan, has been drawn to reports carried in some sections of the media alleging that top officials of the Rivers government, including the Deputy Governor Tele Ikuru who came to receive the First Lady, were shielded from Dame Jonathan on her arrival at Port Harcourt International Airport yesterday, (18/08/2013). Some of the media reports went tothe extent of alleging that Dame Jonathan “snubbed” the Deputy Governor.
It is important to set the record straight in order to prevent the public from being misled. The First Lady arrived in Rivers Stateyesterday for a private visit, to make arrangements for the burial of her late mother with members of her extended family.
Customarily, the wife of the State Governor receives the First Lady whenever she visits any state. That is why the wife of Bayelsa State Governor traveled from Yenagoa to receive the First Lady. Ordinarily, one wouldhave expected the same complement from the wife of the Rivers State Governor.
It is instructive to note that since the death of Mrs. Charity Oba, the mother of the First Lady, several groups and individuals from across the country have come to condole the First Family at the State House, Abuja. They include Executive State Governors andtheir wives from all the political divides; Nigeria’s former Presidents and Heads of State and their wives, captains of industry, female Ambassadors and High Commissioners of Nigeria, other members of the diplomatic corps, royal fathers and traditional leaders - the list is too numerous to call. However, the Governor and the wife from the State which the First Lady hails have not paid such a visit.
It should be clear to all that for quite some time now, the First Lady has refrained fromcommenting on issues relating to the politics of Rivers State. Dame Patience doesnot want her name to be used to heat up the polity. We therefore urge that the nameof the First Lady be left out of the politics inRivers State.
The First Lady, like any Nigerian, is free to visit the state of her birth. Dame Jonathan bears no grudge towards anyone as she is an individual who continues to tirelessly advocate for peace and harmony in Nigeria. We therefore reiterate that the First Lady’s name be left out of the politics in the State.
http://sapostiks..com/2013/08/governor-amaechi-and-his-wife-refused.html?m=1

Many religiously active women have great sex, debunking the myth that they’re rigid. (I like to call that the revenge of the Church ladies!)

A study conducted by the University of Chicago, and considered to be one of the most statistically accurate studies on sexuality available today, determined that some of the most sexually satisfied women in the United States are conservative middle-aged, married Protestant women, with 32 percent claiming that they climax with orgasm every time they have sex. Mainline Protestants and Catholics were just behind them at 27 percent, but those with no religious affiliation claimed to have orgasms just 22 percent of the time.

According to the study, those having the most sex were not singles, but those in monogamous marriages (and they liked it more than the singles). In fact, having sex outside of the commitment of marriage can lessen the beauty of the sexual experience for some women. (And I do mean beauty!) One Penn State University study of students who experienced their first sexual encounter in college found that women tended to report a significant decline in body image after sex.

This alarmed me. It’s counterintuitive to what I know of the purpose of a cocktail of chemicals that wash across a woman’s brain when she has sex. They should make her feel totally hot!

I wanted to compare this study with one on religiously active, middle-aged, married women, but deeply as I dug the research geek in me just couldn’t find one. So, I sent a completely brazen private survey to women I personally know to be deeply spiritual. I was asking one hundred of my girlfriends to get real with me!

The majority admitted that they’d had strong negative feelings about their bodies before marriage. Yet nearly 70 percent of them felt “highly positive” about their body directly after sex, with the majority also reporting an increased level of confidence continuing into the next day. I’ll get real with you: no matter how many extra pounds I’m carrying or whether a zit the size of a planet might be plaguing me, I feel completely confident about my body after sex with my husband!

A spiritually satisfied woman in a committed marriage just might be among the most sexually satisfied. Maybe the ancient Jews were on to something when they used the word “yada” to describe the act of sex. The word means “to know, to be known, to be deeply respected.” Bypassing any reference to their bodies, the word transcended the physical and spoke of the emotional and perhaps spiritual connection occurring. Ironically, they also used the word “yada” to describe the deep knowing they had with God. The ancient Hebrews saw a strong connection between sex and spirituality.

Of course, I want to avoid generalizations. Some spiritual women struggle deeply with their sex lives but fifteen years of research has led me to believe that sex and spirituality are more connected than our culture wants to admit. I believe this so strongly that I recently delivered a controversial TED Talk proposing greater tolerance for virginity.

What I’d rather see a woman work on during her dating years is her spiritual formation. That’s why I took a break from writing books on sex to simply write one about how women can get lost in God’s love. I believe that a woman who is lost in God’s love is the one most capable of enjoying a love relationship here on earth. In fact, it’s even quite possible that all those orgasmic church-going woman are sexually satisfied simply because…well, they’re satisfied in life. They’re already full and not looking for another person to complete them. God does that for them.

Dannah Gresh is the author of Get Lost: Your Guide To Finding True Love. In it, she traces the Hebrew language of love to answer some of today’s most practical questions about relationships with an emphasis on a love relationship with God. She recently delivered a TEDx Talk that’s available on youtube.com and is entitled “The Walk of Shame vs. The Walk of Fame.”

Robert T Michael et al., Sex in America: A Definitive Survey (Boston: Warner Books, 2007).
http://coolpenny./2013/08/19/how-spirituality-impacts-a-womans-sex-life/

Nomski0: Yes! Thats exactly what i mean

You harsh Oº°˚˚˚°º

Have you heard about this one?
LOL. People actually get paid to do studies likethis!
According to a recent study, simply walking across the road could be enough to give away a woman’s sexual prowess.
Belgian scientists believe they’ve found the key to guessing how many orgasms a woman has had – and apparently it’s all in her gait. The research suggests the more “energetic and free” a woman’s walk, the more orgasms she’s experienced in the bedroom.
“A woman’s experience of vaginal orgasm may be discerned from a gait that comprises fluidity, energy, sensuality, freedom, and absence of both flaccid and locked muscles,” conclude the two professors of sexology.
The researchers questioned a small group of women about their sexual behaviour. They were then observed from a distance as they walked in a public space.
Their movements were then analysed by two sexology professors, who were unaware of the women’s sexual background. The study was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Unfortunately, if a woman has a “stiff” walk, it could mean that she’s more refrained whenit comes to sex.
But it’s not just a woman’s walk that gives us an insight into the female sexuality…
If a man wants to know what kind of plans his partner has for the future, the answer could be staring him in the face.
According to a recent study, women with feminine looks and softer facial features are more likely to become mothers to a large brood.
The small study by St. Andrews University found that women who have a softer, feminine face, such as full lips and wide eyes, have higher oestrogen levels.
Scientists believe that the high level of the female hormone in ultra feminine women creates a strong maternal instinct to have babies.
Researchers reached their conclusion by questioning 25 young women about how many children they wanted in the future and measured their oestrogen levels.
“The more oestrogen they had, the more children they wanted. We were surprised to find such a strong result,” says professor Miriam Law Smith from the study.
In a second test, a different group of women had their photographs taken and were again asked about their plans for children in the future. The images were then made into a composite image using the faces of the women with strong maternal instinct and those with the least.
The faces of the women who most wanted tostart a family were voted as the most feminine looking by a group of male and female judges.
Whether you think this study is lame or not, itproves the old saying: “Anyone who knows, knows that he/she knows not a damn thing”. To know if "Do African Women Have Orgasms?" see here http://coolpenny./2013/08/10/do-african-women-have-orgasms/

Dating in your 30s might not sound like as much fun as it did in your 20s, but it certainly doesn’t have to be a chore. Having survived the immature sagas of youth, you’re ready to hit your stride, relationship-wise. Here’s a short guide to dating after your 30th birthday.

Dating in Your 30s: The Single Life

This is the decade in which to thrive. You’re likely to have a better perspective of dating than you did in your infatuated teen years. In your thirties, you’re cultivating friendships, passions, and a career. Dating is a part of life, but it isn’t everything.

Know what you want; not just from a relationship, but from life. You can’t control every circumstance surrounding “meeting the one,” but you can control how you spend your time. Live life to the fullest and pursue the kind of life you want to be living.  Bonus: a happy, confident, fulfilled individual is an attractive one.

You’re 30, not dead. Have fun.

Dating in Your 30s: Get Out There

If you thought meeting people was tough in your 20s, you’re likely to find dating after 30 to be even trickier. The proverbial pool has shrunk, with more of your peers in long-term relationships or marriages, and with your social circle feeling smaller. (You probably don’t attend a weekly pub night with your sorority sisters anymore.)

With fewer fish to choose from — and likely a busier schedule that keeps you from leisurely bumping into Mrs. or Mr. Right — now is a good time to give online dating a shot. Matchmaking sites can let you be specific about who you’re looking for and what kind of relationship you’re seeking. Be intentional, then dive in.

Dating in Your 30s: The Ticking Clock

Throw out the timeline. Say goodbye to the rules, the formulas and the ticking clocks. It’s okay to desire marriage and a family, but you can’t go on a date accessorized with the desperate pressure to settle down.

More important than getting married or raising children is being with the right person. Don’t settle for Mr. Right Now, and don’t scare off a great gal with your impatience. Just because your friends are at a different life stage doesn’t mean that you’re running to catch up. Enjoy each moment as it comes.

Learn to communicate your values and dreams without bitterness or urgency. The right relationship is worth waiting for.

Dating in Your 30s: The Good Stuff

Dating in your 30s is dating at its best. With age comes wisdom; you’ve learned from past mistakes and now know what you need in a relationship and what you have to offer. You’re aware of your strengths and weaknesses, as will your date be aware of his/hers.

Unlike your earlier dating adventures, you’re finally stable financially (maybe), you’re ready for serious commitment, and you’ve discovered that singleness is nothing to be scared of. And by pursuing a relationship more intentionally and with more maturity, your odds of finding lasting love are actually higher.

Besides, in your 30s you have more stories to tell. If you’re a woman, you’re also now at your sexual peak. Your 20s were overrated.

Dating in Your 30s: The Challenges

Check your cynicism at the door. Just because you’ve survived heartache to get here doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t trust the next person to come around. Learn to give each new date a fair shot, not holding them accountable for the sins of those who’ve gone before.

Be open-minded. Date someone who isn’t your type, try an activity outside of your comfort zone, and challenge yourself to address the stuck-in-your-ways habits that could keep others at arm’s length.

Kids start complicating things in your 30s. Either you have them, want them, can’t have them, or don’t want them: all of these scenarios can result in awkward conversations. Be honest from the get-go.  If you have kids, they need to be a huge consideration in your dating life. If you don’t yet have kids, evaluate whether or not the desire to eventually procreate is a deal-breaker. If your date hates children and you want six of them, the relationship has little long-term potential.

Dating in Your 30s — and Beyond!

Just as life didn’t end when you turned 30, it won’t end at 40 or 50 either. Single or with someone, life keeps getting better for those who embrace the adventure. Don’t let your relationship status limit your life, or your age limit your relationships._ Read more or see "Dating in your 40's here: http://coolpenny./2013/08/15/dating-in-your-40s/

By Dr. Peregrino

Permit me to relay this like a prayer, like a song.

As do the Griots, the Jeliw who I inherit.

The greatest scripture were oral collections, committed to memory.
They say, in spoken narrations there is a power writing fails to convey.

Till books of these verses are printed, may our students memorize.
And while I tell it to you, as is tradition, someone say: Naamu, yes, Naamu (yes).

I was taught that in 1796 Mungo Park discovered the Niger river.

A very important discovery to the Europeans.
A very important discovery for the Europeans.



Though the bards had already long told the tale.
Of course, the discovery for us was thousands of years stale.
Along its course we established our towns and empires, gold, slaves, kola nuts, horses, cloth, salt and cowries we traversed the river to retail.



Running from the hills of Guinea and Sierra Leone, we called its upper course, Joliba, “the great river.” Its middle we called Isa Eghirren, and our Hausa people christened the lower stretch that emptied into the sea, Kwara. Oya, it is called by the Yoruba; Orimili, meaning, “great water,” is how the Igbo know it. Isa Ber, “the big river,” the Songhai called it and in Tuareg we call it Egerew Nigerewen, “river of rivers” evidently from which Mungo Park got the inspiration to christen it “Niger.”



Perhaps Mungo Park would have discovered (for the European) the course of the River had he not unfortunately died on the river, mistaken for a Muslim raider and shot at, before he could plot its course to the sea. Eastward it flowed, he said: “We were riding through some marshy ground, when someone called out 'See the water!' and, looking forwards, I saw, with infinite pleasure, the great object of my mission, the long sought for majestic Niger, glittering to the morning sun, as broad as the Thames at Westminster, and flowing slowly to the eastward.” Mungo Park, 20th July 1796.

On the course of the river, our caboceers correctly explained to Claperton that the Kwara flowed past Jebba, through rocks, south into the Bight of Benin. Unlike the rumors of the one-eyed giants, the Cyclops that supposedly inherited sub-saharan Africa, what Mungo Park confirmed to the Europeans was that there was indeed a giant River. And that is it.



Africa as it is taught began the day the colonialist set foot ashore. The International African Association legalized colonization on the premise that we are dark and uncivilized. Contrary proof must be destroyed.

Our textbooks teach our children that Mungo Park discovered our very own Egerew Nigerewen. While American pupils are fooled that the native Indians, or rather Injuns handed over the new land to the westerner over a cup of coffee. It is His-story, written by him who wishes to rule over his own and others, others who he confuses and then uses. 



Adapted from Leopold's 1883 letter to the Colonial Missionaries
Let your evangelization inspire above all Belgium interests.
Your principal objective in our mission is never to teach the niggers to know God.
They already know God and His commandments; have courage to admit it.
Your essential role is to facilitate the task of administrators and industrials.
Go to interpret the gospel in ways to best protect your interests in that part of the world.
Therefore dis-interest our savages from the richness that is plenty in their underground.
So you can avoid that they dream and compete to one day overthrow you.

Preach Gospels to make them love poverty, like “Happier are the poor because they will inherit the heaven” and, “It’s very difficult for the rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

Focus on their youth, for they won’t revolt when the recommendation of the priest is contradictory to the teachings of their fathers.

Learning that Mungo Park discovered my very own river Niger, I was taken aback in awe at the super qualities of the white master. I am worthless I thought; my people were mere barbarians who could not even see a river, nor follow its course. Little did I know that the opposite was the truth and that the liars were the only barbarians. European colonization was not merely an occupation or exploitation.



Discovery, I discovered is a contextual word-tool, so though when Columbus got to America (the new land), he found Native Americans including black Africans there; he 'discovered' the new land.

Having discovered the end of the river Egerew Nigerewen (Niger) was actually our ancestors’ inspiration to discover America. You see, according to the manuscripts of Egyptian scholar, Ibn Fadi Al-Umari (1342)--among other things--believing that since the Niger river had its end, so also the Atlantic ocean would have its inhabited end, while also being a possible sea route for pilgrimage to Mecca; in 1311 Mansa Abubakari II, the brave conqueror abdicated his throne to Mansa Kankan Musa and set sail with 1000 ships, each with a gifts and provisions supply ship attached, arriving at the 'new world', the America's in 1312. 



Proof of his voyage is found in the re-naming of places after the Malian conquerors. In Haiti you have Sierre de Mali, Mandinga Bay, Mandinga port to name a few locations our ancestors christened. African writing, language and artifacts have also been found. Black Injuns, Black Caribs, Black Guanini's, the Honduras Almamys (Imams) and graves of black men are also characteristic of the America’s. West African cotton, “almaizar” and West African cloth-as-money, which became the currency of the entire America’s, as it was used in North Africa, were also their records. Indeed as was finally portrayed on US TV--to woo over black support during the Obama elections experiment--Columbus in 1492 had at least one African navigator who showed him the way and how to conquer the Atlantic's two currents, a negro prominent in portraits of the voyage who went by the name, Pedro Alonso Nino. Columbus also wrote of blacks he met in America and a mosque-like building he found.


Sorko, Lords of the Sea

The Sorko dugout canoes by hollowing out trunks of trees.
Drilling holes in planks and binding them together, they made the Kanta, larger ships strong enough to conquer the seas.
The Sorko capital was Kebbi in today's Nigeria; it was there they laid down the keel.

Bound tight with twine and leather strips, holes were plugged with the burgu plant seal.
From Kebbi, Kanta were built and brought up the river to Gao, the Songhai capital.
The Sorko, masters of the sea were ready to go intercontinental.
With these great ships did the indomitable Songhai set sail.
The new land, the America's the adventurers of Timbuktu did unveil.


You see, in Africa’s unwritten pre-colonial history are great voyages, six-storey buildings above and under-ground; inventions like arithmetic, cultivation, mining, cheques, finest cloth, glass windows.

Orthography: Our ingenious writing scripts were many, Mandombe, Ethiopic, Hieroglyphic, Meroitic, Bassa, Vai, Afan Oromo, Nsibidi, Tifangh, Bamun, N’ko. While the European does not have a single writing script to his credit, Greek orthography--father of Latin alphabets in use today--being derived from Phoenician abjad, the Northern Semitic writing exports of the Mediterranean and North Africa.


Monuments, including the world’s largest, the Bilkisu (Queen Sheeba) Sungbo Eredo moat in Nigeria’s Ijebu-land. Great cities rivaling the Great Wall of China like Benin, Surame, and Ngazargamu, capital city of Kanem-Borno. Autopsies, successful Caesarian sections in Uganda; sewage and toilets in Kenya, pavement in Ile-Ife. Business in Kano, which exported 10 million sandals every year. Education, with the world’s first universities in Timbuktu and Egypt. Pyramid technology, Nubian Sudan having the most pyramids of any country. It’s an endless list of wonders that are not chosen for the Guinness Book.

I believe that not knowing who we are is a reason for much of the tribulations we face. Africa was never dark, it was only covered. To abandon our history is a crime and teaching a false history is a sin. Our betrayal and failure to inherit our essence, opens us up to imbibing the most criminal essences of those who came to plunder us. We have been traded ignorance, corruption and capitalistic greed to replace our ancestral knowledge, prowess and virtue ideals. I narrate this that someday curricula will be drawn, books will be written and films made so the great students of Africa can finally learn who they are and who to become.
Naamu

Plant a tiny seed of guidance; it will grow a mighty tree

Boats are not made to be ridden by fish
Nor planes, to be flown by birds
To know what you need
You must first know who you are and where you come from.

No, Mungo Park did not discover our very own river Niger; but we actually did discover America. http:///78mY4MEzSZ

muktarl: suswan is one sided. he forgot to record that hausa fulanis are great merchants. economically and commercially the north is very relevant. i will release more infor

Nomads have developed even where they live ? You are over biased. I stay with the igbos on this.
I see this simple truth might kill You this night in your sleep

Hezron Lorraine: christian fanatics and religious leaders of nowadays love to teach the part of the bible that supports their own personal believes and thoughts.
Birth control is not scriptural.there's no biblical backing for it.from Genesis,its to be fruitful,God didn't place a cause behind his word that after a while,u can stop having kids or should control the number of children you have through any means.
It also draws the line on the basis,that sex between a married man and woman is for procreation only,its not meant to service the pleasures of the flesh.
Intimacy for pleasures is likened to adultery.

Family planning,Birth control,preventive pregnacy through the use of condoms,spacing pills are not biblical,only mordern day science teaches the world to adapt to this protocols to avoid unforeseen disasters in the possinle future.

Is it biblical to turn of your stove or gas burner after cooking? Or brush ur teeth every Morning and night?........ Imagine! So people should go on breeding, and no love making. Only procreation?

Where to draw the line in a premarital relationship.

A promise is a promise. Last time I appeared on this site, I said that I would lay out my position on biblical dating and then turn it over to all of you to determine the rest of the column’s topics by your questions.

You have not disappointed.

As many of you will know from the Boundless blog, The Line, the last piece generated many posts and comments, from the challenging to the supportive, the general to the specific. In addition to what all of you saw on the blog, I have received dozens of questions and comments in e-mails, which I and the folks at Boundless have culled through to see what the most pressing questions seem to be.

Judging from both frequency and “passion,” the most pressing questions arising from the last piece involve physical involvement — which I’m about to cover, initiation of relationships (especially the bit about involving the woman’s father), and the practical details of how one of these relationships works. All of these topics will, Lord willing, be covered in future columns. It’s simply impossible for me to address all of the fantastic individual questions and comments we’ve received, but know that we will do our very best to incorporate as many as possible into the columns themselves and the blog discussions that follow.

On to our topic for this column. Quite a few of you asked questions or made comments about my statement in Biblical Dating, an Introduction that “Biblical dating assumes NO physical intimacy” outside of marriage. Many wanted to know, did I really mean no physical intimacy? What about showing affection? Isn’t it sex outside of marriage that Scripture explicitly prohibits? How can you say definitively that other things are wrong? What if we’re in a committed relationship? Shouldn’t our physical relationship “progress” as other aspects of our relationship deepen? In this day and age, how far is really too far? I understand most physical stuff is wrong, but what about just kissing?

All good questions. With respect to pre-marital, romantically oriented kissing, we’re clearly talking about an area about which reasonable believers can (and do) disagree. Let’s go through what I hope will become the usual drill here. I will lay out what I view to be applicable biblical principles and passages on this topic, and then I and the editors will leave it to you to follow up with blog posts, comments and discussion.

I’ll start by putting my position right on the line:

I believe the Bible to teach that all sexual activity outside of marriage is sin, and all romantically oriented physical activity is sexual activity. In my view, this includes premarital kissing.

As the questions above indicate, however, many single Christians have questions about whether premarital physical activity at some level beyond kissing is OK. We need to address the whole spectrum (“just kissing” included).

Let me offer a caveat or two at the outset. First, the fact that “romantically oriented” is in italics above is important. I am obviously not saying that hugs and kisses of affection or greeting to relatives and the like is out of bounds.

Another important point has to do with culture. In some cultures, kisses of greeting — between members of the same sex or of the opposite sex — as well as hand-holding and other forms of physical expression during normal, non-romantic social intercourse, are more common. Fine. You might even be able to talk me into the notion that brief, “non-leaning-in” hugs of greeting, sympathy, etc. between men and women who are not romantically involved are OK.

We all know what we’re talking about here, and these are not the things I mean to address in this column. The game changes when two people are romantically involved or “semi-involved” (a fascinating phrase I recently heard).

All right. Before you start throwing things at your computer — I can’t feel it you know, you’re just hurting your own computer — let’s go to Scripture. It is certainly true that no passage of Scripture says — in so many words, at least — “thou shalt not kiss before marriage.” Having said that, I submit that there is a strong argument to be made from Scripture that there is no room for any sexual relationship outside of marriage. The argument becomes clearer when we look at some of what the Bible has to say about (1) sex, (2) our relationships with other believers and (3) sexual immorality itself.

The “S” Word

As a good initial principle here, we should affirm that sex itself (and sexual activity in general) is not inherently negative or sinful. On the contrary, in the proper context, it is a kind and good gift of God. Michael Lawrence and other able Boundless authors have written before about the wonderful gift of sex, so I won’t belabor the point except to repeat that the Scripture passages on sex, taken together, make very clear that God instituted sex within marriage for purposes of procreation, pleasure, intimacy, holiness, and — ultimately — for his glory.

God instituted sex within marriage as part of his design of the family (Gen. 1:28). In 1 Cor. 7:3 and following, Paul says once we are married, our bodies literally belong to our spouse; he also instructs spouses to meet one another’s sexual needs and to be together regularly so as to protect ourselves from falling into ungodly lust and extramarital sexual activity.

If you have any doubts about God’s intention to give us sex as a wonderful, pleasurable gift, Song of Songs should put them to rest. In Song of Songs, God has given us a holy and beautiful picture of a marital sexual relationship, and everyone seems to be having an excellent time. Even there, however, God is clear that sex is uniquely for marriage: “Do not arouse or awaken love before it so desires (i.e., before it’s appropriate — within marriage).” (Song 2:7) A blog comment or two emerging from the last column suggested a different interpretation of this verse and Song in general, but the orthodox interpretation of the book suggests both that an actual sexual relationship is part of what the narrative relays, and a context (at the time of the sexual part of the relationship) of marriage.

Brothers and Sisters in Christ

So marriage is a unique relationship, and the good gift of sex is not only allowed but commanded within that relationship. Still, the overwhelming majority of believers will only share that relationship with one person in their entire lives. How are we to relate to everyone else (especially believers), and how does that question inform the topic of premarital sexual activity — including kissing?

The simple answer is that every believer to whom I am not married is my brother or sister in Christ, and I am to act accordingly.

There are too many passages to mention in this space that communicate God’s command to live for God’s glory and to “love” one another — defined as putting the spiritual good of others above our own desires. We are to do this in light of what God has done for us in Christ and in light of Christ’s impending return. Just a few examples: Romans 12, especially vv. 9-13 (“Love must be sincere…. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”); Romans 13:8-14, especially vv. 9b and 10a (“Love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no harm to its neighbor.”); 1 Cor. 13:4-7, especially v. 5 (love “is not self-seeking”).

More specifically, 1 Tim 5:1-2 reiterates the “family” metaphor among believers and instructs us about how we are to treat our fellow members of the body of Christ:

“Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”

This is a didactic (teaching) passage generally instructing us about how to relate to other “family members” among God’s people. We should note this analogy with care. With the exception of husbands and wives, there is no sexual dimension to “familial” relationships. Also, look at that phrase about how younger women should be treated — absolute purity. As a lawyer, I almost never see absolute statements. It’s the strongest possible language Paul can employ.

1 Thess. 4:3-8 gets even more specific:

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to lead a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his holy spirit.”

Look closely at verse 6. Some translations render the word “wrong” as “defraud.” To defraud someone is to deceive that person — in this context, to imply a commitment that does not exist by committing acts with someone that are appropriate only in the context of a particular relationship (i.e., marriage) in order to satisfy my own “passionate lust.” To commit sexual immorality with and against someone, far from showing the “love” to which Scripture calls all believers, is to act like those “who do not know God,” and this passage calls such acts “sin.”

Now, one obvious counterargument to the point I intend to make is that the Scriptures I’ve cited above just beg the question of whether kissing and other sexual activity violate those passages. The argument might run thus: “Of course I want to be loving to others. Of course I want to care for their spiritual good. I just think I can show genuine affection by engaging in kissing and/or other sexual activity (short of intercourse) with someone I clearly care about and still obey those passages.”

Fair enough. Let’s explore that idea. Let’s say for the sake of argument that it is theoretically possible to engage in extramarital romantically oriented physical activity and obey the above biblical standards while doing it. Have you ever met that mark?

Think about the times you have engaged in any type of physical activity with someone not your spouse. It might have been last night or last week or last year or back in high school or college. Maybe one or both of you achieved orgasm even though you didn’t actually “have sex” as you define it. Maybe you explored one another’s bodies but were only partially naked. Maybe you just caressed one another above the waist as you kissed. Maybe you just kissed passionately for awhile. Maybe it was just a long, lingering kiss goodnight.

Would you describe whatever you did as “holy and honorable,” or was it done to satisfy the “passionate lust” of you or your partner or both (1 Thess. 4:4-5)? Were you honest with the person about making a commitment to him or her before the Lord, or did you defraud or deceive that person in some way? Was your purpose for doing what you did to build that person up spiritually — to make that person “more holy” (Eph. 5:28-29)? Do you believe that you and your partner “honor[ed] God with your bodies” in doing what you did (1 Cor. 6:20)? Whatever you did, did that interaction reflect “absolute purity” (1 Tim 5:2)? Was there “even a hint” of sexual immorality in what you did (Eph. 5:3-5)? Whatever you did, as you now think about it, does it inspire a comfortable peace or an uncomfortable shudder to remember that Father, Son, and Holy Spirit observed it all? Do you believe God was glorified or grieved by what he saw?

How’d your answers come out? I can tell you from literally hundreds of e-mails and personal conversations that the only people who really attempt to justify premarital sexual involvement (with a few exceptions for “just kissing”) are those who would like to engage in it in the future or who are currently engaging in it. I have never heard any believer, single or married, defend their extramarital physical relationships from a position of looking back on them.

Keep in mind that the idea of holy, God-glorifying sexuality is by no means an impossible standard once you figure marriage into the equation. While no person stops being a fallible, broken sinner just because he or she gets married, the context of marriage makes it possible — even normal and likely, in the case of two walking Christians — to answer well the questions I just posed. Sex within a godly marriage is holy and honorable before God (1 Cor. 7, Song of Songs, Hebrews 13:4). It is part of the process of building one another up spiritually in marriage and should be done to that end. It is also meant, among other things, for sexual pleasure. And marriage — including the sexual relationship within it — reflects the covenant and the joyful, loving, intimate relationship between the church and her Savior. Not to put too fine a point on it, good sex within a godly marriage actually reflects God’s character and brings him glory. It meets the mark.

The Problem with “How far can we go?”

For those who have not thought about the passages above or who disagree with my argument from them, “How far can we go?” is still the big question on many minds. A brief tour of Christian blogs and bookstores will provide several different answers to the question, attempting to compose lines and boundaries somewhere on the sexual continuum behind which singles must stay. Some don’t even draw lines beyond sexual intercourse, inviting singles to think it through and let their consciences guide them in the context of a committed relationship. I realize there’s disagreement here.

In my view, the problem with asking “How far can we go?” is that if we want to positively pursue godliness, it’s simply the wrong question. What that question really asks is “How close to the line (sexual sin) can I get without crossing it?” The problem is that Scripture explicitly tells us not to try to “approach” the line at all, but to turn and run from it.

The Bible and Sexual Immorality

“Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Cor. 6:18).

The Greek word for “flee” in this passage is an exaggerated form of the word “repent” that means (roughly) to turn and run..........read more
https://coolpenny./2013/07/26/biblical-dating-to-kiss-or-not-to-kiss/

The separation of sex from procreation may be one of the most defining marks of our age–and one of the most ominous.

The effective separation of sex from procreation may be one of the most important defining marks of our age–and one of the most ominous. This awareness is spreading among American evangelicals, and it threatens to set loose a firestorm.

Most evangelical Protestants greeted the advent of modern birth control technologies with applause and relief. Lacking any substantial theology of marriage, sex, or the family, evangelicals welcomed the development of “The Pill” much as the world celebrated the discovery of penicillin — as one more milestone in the inevitable march of human progress, and the conquest of nature.

At the same time, evangelicals overcame their traditional reticence in matters of sexuality, and produced a growth industry in books, seminars, and even sermon series celebrating sexual ecstasy as one of God’s blessings to married Christians. Once reluctant to admit the very existence of sexuality, evangelicals emerged from the 1960s ready to dish out the latest sexual advice without blushing. As one of the best-selling evangelical sex manuals proclaims, marital sex is Intended for Pleasure. Many evangelicals seem to have forgotten that it was intended for something else as well.

For many evangelical Christians, birth control has been an issue of concern only for Catholics. When Pope Paul VI released his famous encyclical outlawing artificial birth control, Humanae Vitae, most evangelicals responded with disregard — perhaps thankful that evangelicals had no pope who could hand down a similar edict. Evangelical couples became devoted users of birth control technologies ranging from the Pill to barrier methods and Intrauterine Devices [IUDs]. That is all changing, and a new generation of evangelical couples is asking new questions.

A growing number of evangelicals are rethinking the issue of birth control–and facing the hard questions posed by reproductive technologies. Several developments contributed to this reconsideration, but the most important of these is the abortion revolution. The early evangelical response to legalized abortion was woefully inadequate. Some of the largest evangelical denominations at first accepted at least some version of abortion on demand.

The evangelical conscience was awakened in the late 1970s, when the murderous reality of abortion could not be denied. A massive realignment of evangelical conviction was evident by the 1980 presidential election, when abortion functioned as the fuse for a political explosion. Conservative Protestants emerged as major players in the pro-life movement, standing side-by-side with Catholics in the defense of the unborn.

The reality of abortion forced a reconsideration of other issues in turn. Affirming that human life must be recognized and protected from the moment of conception, evangelicals increasingly recognized Intrauterine Devices [IUDs] as abortifacients, and rejected any birth control with any abortifacient design or result. This conviction is now casting a cloud over the Pill as well.

Thus, in an ironic turn, American evangelicals are rethinking birth control even as a majority of the nation’s Roman Catholics indicate a rejection of their Church’s teaching. How should evangelicals think about the birth control question?

First, we must start with a rejection of the contraceptive mentality that sees pregnancy and children as impositions to be avoided rather than as gifts to be received, loved, and nurtured. This contraceptive mentality is an insidious attack upon God’s glory in creation, and the Creator’s gift of procreation to the married couple.

Second, we must affirm that God gave us the gift of sex for several specific purposes, and one of those purposes is procreation. Marriage represents a perfect network of divine gifts, including sexual pleasure, emotional bonding, mutual support, procreation, and parenthood. We are not to sever these “goods” of marriage and choose only those we may desire for ourselves. Every marriage must be open to the gift of children. Even where the ability to conceive and bear children may be absent, the will to receive children must be present. To demand sexual pleasure without openness to children is to violate a sacred trust.

Third, we should look closely at the Catholic moral argument as found in Humanae Vitae. Evangelicals will find themselves in surprising agreement with much of the encyclical’s argument. As the Pope warned, widespread use of the Pill has led to “serious consequences” including marital infidelity and rampant sexual immorality. In reality, the Pill allowed a near-total abandonment of Christian sexual morality in the larger culture. Once the sex act was severed from the likelihood of childbearing, the traditional structure of sexual morality collapsed.

For most evangelicals, the major break with Catholic teaching comes at the insistence that “it is necessary that each conjugal act remain ordained in itself to the procreating of human life.” That is, that every act of marital intercourse must be fully and equally open to the gift of children. This claims too much, and places inordinate importance on individual acts of sexual intercourse, rather than the larger integrity of the conjugal bond.

The focus on “each and every act” of sexual intercourse within a faithful marriage that is open to the gift of children goes beyond the biblical demand. Since the encyclical does not reject all family planning, this focus requires the distinction between “natural” and “artificial” methods of birth control. To the evangelical mind, this is a rather strange and fabricated distinction. Looking at the Catholic position helps, but evangelicals must also think for themselves, reasoning from the Scriptures in a careful consideration.

Fourth, Christian couples are not ordered by Scripture to maximize the largest number of children that could be conceived. Given our general state of health in advanced societies, a couple who marries in their early twenties and has a healthy and regular sex life could well produce over fifteen offspring before the wife passes her early forties. Such families should be rightly honored, but this level of reproduction is certainly not mandated by the Bible.

Fifth, with all this in view, evangelical couples may, at times, choose to use contraceptives in order to plan their families and enjoy the pleasures of the marital bed. The couple must consider all these issues with care, and must be truly open to the gift of children. The moral justification for using contraceptives must be clear in the couple’s mind, and fully consistent with the couple’s Christian commitments.

Sixth, Christian couples must ensure that the methods chosen are really contraceptive in effect, and not abortifacient. Not all birth control is contraception, for some technologies and methods do not prevent the sperm from fertilizing the egg, but instead prevent the fertilized egg from successfully implanting itself in the lining of the womb. Such methods involve nothing less than an early abortion. This is true of all IUDs and some hormonal technologies. A raging debate now surrounds the question of whether at least some forms of the Pill may also work through abortifacient effect, rather than preventing ovulation. Christian couples must exercise due care in choosing a form of birth control that is unquestionably contraceptive, rather than abortifacient.

The birth control revolution has literally changed the world. Today’s couples rarely ponder the fact that the availability of effective contraceptives is a very recent phenomenon in world history. This revolution has set loose a firestorm of sexual promiscuity and much human misery. At the same time, it has also offered thoughtful and careful couples an opportunity to enjoy the joys and fulfillments of the marital act without remaining at all times equally open to pregnancy.

Therefore, Christians may make careful and discriminating use of proper technologies, but must never buy into the contraceptive mentality. We can never see children as problems to be avoided, but always as gifts to be welcomed and received.

For evangelicals, much work remains to be done. We must build and nurture a new tradition of moral theology, drawn from Holy Scripture and enriched by the theological heritage of the church. Until we do, many evangelical couples will not even know where to begin the process of thinking about birth control in a fully Christian frame. It is high time evangelicals answered this call.

http://coolpenny./2013/07/26/can-christians-use-birth-control/

from a question to the Focus on the Family Marriage Forum

Question: Is it OK for a husband and wife to masturbate together?  Is it OK for the husband/wife to masturbate while fantasizing about the other spouse?  An example of this could be if you’re separated for some period of time and could only ‘get intimate’ through the phone.

Answer: You will see I have a long answer to your short questions, but I hope this will give a broader vision and understanding than a mere “Yes,” or “No” could supply.  

 

Many committed Christians have searched the Bible looking for God’s direct answer to questions about masturbation. The only biblical reference is to a man named Onan in Genesis 38:8-9. (Curiously, the Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary defines masturbation as “Onanism,” or self abuse.) So, the Bible does not explicitly spell out an answer and therefore, we need to defer to the theologians. You can, however, consider biblical principles as you weigh these personal decisions.

 

Bear in mind, as you meditate on God’s principles: equally committed Christians will often disagree on this sensitive topic. The tension of differing opinions is not new in the Church and we can learn to respect one another’s convictions. That tension, however, needs to be resolved between a husband and wife as they pray together and seek the Holy Spirit’s counsel on “grey issues.” I cannot tell you what should or should not be done between you and your wife, but I am willing to offer what I have learned in my many years of working with people struggling with sexual issues.

 

It is wise to trace back to the Creator and seek to understand His original design and intent for human sexuality.  When Jesus was confronted with difficult questions, He often preceded His answer with, “In the beginning…” So consider asking your Heavenly Father, “What did You make sex for in the beginning, and am I making good application as the Holy Spirit leads me?” In other words, (1) does this activity line up with God’s good purposes and design or (2) does this activity skew or pervert it?

 

To the best of my understanding, sex is meant to be a full reflection of God’s love.  Ephesians 5 clearly equates marriage to the relationship Christ has with His Church body. Paul admits, “This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church.”

 

Ask yourselves, if your sexual interaction portrays God-like qualities and love. For instance:

God’s love is given freely without being earned, and is fully complete (nothing is withheld).

God’s love is faithful for He does not fail or abandon us in any manner.

God’s love is fruitful, which produces joy and life.

God’s love is sacrificial and always benefits the other; yet results in mutual reward  (Christ bought us with the price of His sacrificed life, and we gain life with Him.)

Ask yourselves if your spousal interaction introduces outside impurities into your relationship. Hebrews 13:4 tells us to keep the marriage bed pure. This does not mean “Victorian,” it just means “pure” and true to God’s untainted intent. We see in the Song of Solomon that great passion and eroticism is godly! 

 

Ask yourselves if the activities in question are mimicking previous immoral experiences (premarital sex, pornography, sexual chat rooms or strip clubs). Sinful baggage is often brought into a marriage, even when our denial says otherwise. Have you asked forgiveness from God and your spouse? Do those past experiences still tempt you, or are you attempting to justify and legitimize those images by projecting them onto your spouse? This is an important conversation between you and God. Some people may honestly say they are not introducing impurity, others may realize they are taking their cues from what is ungodly.

 

Ask yourselves if your sexual activity mirrors the idea that our bodies are not our own, but belong to our spouse. (1 Cor 7:4) The Message continues, “Marriage is not a place to ‘stand up for your rights.’  Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.” Husbands and wives can no longer claim their sexuality as merely their own to do with as they please. It’s totally a shared experience that unites us together in mind, spirit and body. We need an attitude that honors our partner and respects their personal tastes, preferences or past sexual wounds. So, is your wife as eager as you to engage in phone intimacy and masturbation, or are you pressuring her to comply? Will masturbation make you or your spouse more vulnerable to temptation while you are separated?

 

You are asking great questions that could best be answered in a long thesis, but I defer to what God is speaking into the heart of you and your wife. Are either of your spirits checked by the Holy Spirit?  Paul says, “Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims.” (1 Cor 6:12 MSG) Since God knows your thoughts and your actions, is their any shame or embarrassment with God who dwells in your body. “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (Read 1 Cor 6:18-20)

 

Marital sex is where spouses revel in their oneness in the most exhilarating and poignant way.  But it takes self-less love, personal transparency, time and investment. Keep communicating, celebrating, and praying together. I don’t want you to miss any part of God’s glorious plan for your marital union.

http://coolpenny./2013/07/26/bible-view-when-is-masturbation-in-a-marriage-ok/

RECENT discoveries and interception of arms and ammunition in some parts of northern Nigeria has raised fears and alarm in security and southern political circles as to the goals of the forces behind the smuggling of arms. While similar arm discoveries had happened in some southern states in recent past, the frequency of such discoveries in the North in recent days has reportedly increased the level of intelligence shadowing and surveillance in the area.

As insurgency remains a major headache in the Northeastern part of the country, the growing cases of arm stockpile in the North-West states are said to be giving security analysts sleepless nights, especially as clues as to the motives of the masterminds are yet unclear. As of the time of filing this report, security agencies are said to be focusing on both local and external sources in their bid to unravel the sudden surge in the trafficking menace.

Sunday Tribune was told that the initial suspicion was that the importation of  arms was due to transnational islamist terrorists arming local jihadists, as well as using Nigeria as a transit route in the Sahel arms and related smuggling trade. This line of thought was reported to be the main preoccupation of the security agencies for sometime until in the last one month when political motivation reportedly entered the review process.

While analysts are yet to find direct linkage between political actors and the arm storage and smuggling, there are fears that threats from key leaders suggest a zone preparing for war depending on the outcome of the 2015 race. An insider told Sunday Tribune that the intensity of arm stockpiles correlates with the heightening of tension and mounting attacks on the presidency by political opposition and political dissenters within the ruling party.

It will be recalled that the arm cache found in Kano is still a mystery despite the ongoing prosecution of the Lebanese involved in the entire saga. The security agencies are also said to be at a loss over what alleged Hezbollah Shiite agents will be doing with the Sunni-led Boko Haramists on the arms stockpile. Boko Haram is said to belong to the Sunni school of Islam, attributing a link between them and the Lebanese under trial over the arms cache is said to be proving very difficult among intelligence analysts in the country. Though it is being suggested that the Shiite group could have its own separate mission in the country.

The Kano arms discovery, therefore, is reported to have given rise to many theories, one of such is the possibility of  a non-religious involvement, with political undertone being the chief reason. This theory was said to have gained ground after the Zamfara State government got embroiled in an arm importation controversy, claiming it wanted to  arm vigilance groups  in the state. The way and manner the state government imported the arms allegedly without police approval had since become a subject of investigation which is said to be attracting attention of many within the security circles.

A security official confessed under the condition of anonymity that importation of arm without prior approval is a violation of the law. Said he: “for a state government to have done that, it is a matter to be taken seriously”.

Though the Zamfara State government had since justified its action on the  need to combat criminal gangs operating freely in the state, keen watchers of the 2015 drama, however, pointed out that arming vigilantes in the countdown to 2015 sent  mixed signals. Many people believed that once Zamafara succeeded on this matter, other state governments would follow suit, leading to proliferation of arms in the country and a potentially explosive electoral year in 2015.

While the controversy over Zamfara arm importation is still boiling, a tanker filled with  assorted arms and ammunition was impounded between Kebbi-Zamafara axis with the source of the importation still unknown.

With hundreds of such tankers in remote parts of northwestern Nigeria, fears are spreading that there may be a deliberate programme to acquire arms by some unknown elements in the northern parts of the country ahead of 2015 elections.

Four days after the tanker was impounded, another arm cache was discovered in the sleepy state of Jigawa with exchange of fire between security agencies and those described as Boko Haram operatives. Security analysts, however, faulted the reference to Boko Haram, as Jigawa has never witnessed any Boko Haram attack since the insurgency started. Others claimed  the exchange of fire did not explain the owner of the arms or who masterminded their stockpile in the state.

Another  source told Sunday Tribune  of the fear being nursed in that sector, saying “the situation is scary. We cannot say for sure that all these arms are imported by islamists. We cannot prove that. We can also not prove that politicians are behind the caches of arms for electoral purposes. All what we know for sure is that there is an arms build-up in the core North”, the security, a security official, said.

While the real motive behind the huge arms stockpile  is still under investigation by security agencies, the statement credited to the Chief of Staff to the President, Chief Mike Oghiadohme, warning against civil war is cited by other analysts to argue that the presidency already has more facts over security situation in the country and, particularly, about arms build-up in northern part of the country than it is letting out. Oghiadohme had called attention to the tragedy of the last civil war, warning that leaders and elders should beware of actions and utterances capable of plunging the nation into another conflict.

The arms build-up situation has become  an open issue within the Nigerian military, which is battling insurgency in the North-East. Though the military is not ruling out political opportunism, it howver suspects the Islamists to be behind the arms build-up, while the wider intelligence community are fingering political forces as being  neck-deep in the menace.

Sagir Musa,spokesman of the Joint Task Force in Borno, while confirming the arms proliferation gave greater insight into the problem facing the North and the country as a whole in a recent statement on the issue.

Said he: “Nigeria’s borders are massive with hundreds of footpaths crisscrossing to neighboring countries of Cameroon, Chad and Niger with links to Mali, Libya and Sudan.  From conservative estimate by locals, there are well over 250 footpaths from Damaturu/Maiduguri axis that link or lead direct to Cameroon, Chad or Niger. These paths, which are mostly unknown to security agencies, are unmanned, unprotected and have continued to serve as conveyor belts for arms and ammunition trafficking into Nigeria.

“It is disheartening and unfortunate that the “merchants of death” have since devised methods to beat security agencies at the borders, chief among them, through the footpaths. These methods include the use of camels, donkeys and cows to traffic arms, ammunition and drugs such as cocaine into Nigeria. The fact that the weapons are small, light and collapsible makes it easy to be concealed and moved on camels and donkeys’ backs in a specially crafted skin or thatched bags mainly meant for the illegal “expedition”  undetected. Similarly, some cows and grains merchants in the North- East sub – region of the country device  means of hiding cache of arms and ammunition in empty fuel tankers, vehicle engines and bags of grains.

“The “grains” are transported in large number via trucks, trailers, lorries and old model pickup vans and Jeeps with little attention given to them by security agents. The use of Jega-type of tricycles (KEKE-NAPEP) as well as camels, donkeys, and cows (moving in flocks) to deceive, hide and conveniently traffic arms in some parts of the North are ways hitherto unknown, not well known”, Musa noted.

He explained further that “the Libyan and Malian rebels are desperate to exchange arms for money to Boko Haram terrorists, their financiers and collaborators as the sect has since been affiliated to Al-Qaida in the Maghreb. This has added to the overwhelming challenge of the influx of illegal aliens, arms, ammunition and sophisticated IED materials into the country and an efficient and effective fight against terrorism”, Musa had  stated.
Sunday Tribune was, however, told that the political angle is already taking the center stage of  discreet investigation into  the discoveries. Already, it was gathered that investigation into the Kano arm caches has been extended to foreign soil, while the security agencies are said to be mounting pressure to ensure that Zamafara vigilantes are not armed with weapons.

As the arms influx expands, the questions on the lips of keen security analysts are many. Who is preparing for war? Is the North becoming a Somalia? And is the South too secretly building up its own arms,and /or has not been undetected?  Could the flexing of muscles by politicians a subtle declaration of war over 2015?

Only a thorough investigation by the security agencies can provide the necessary answers.
http://sapostiks..com/2013/07/arms-stockpile-north-prepares-for-war.html

you ever needed another reason to cultivate better sleeping habits, here’s one. According to a UC Berkeley study, a bad night’s sleep negatively affects your conflict-resolution skills and ability to accurately gauge your partners’ emotions.

In a layman’s language, if you’d haven’t slept well, don’t bring up a discussion to try to resolve a conflict, you’re only going to make things worse.

UC Berkeley psychologists Amie Gordon and Serena Chen have found that people are much more likely to lash out at their romantic partners over relationship conflicts after a bad night’s sleep.

“Couples who fight more are less happy and less healthy,” said Gordon, a doctoral student in psychology and lead author of the study published online in the journal, Social Psychological and Personality Science.

“Our research helps illuminate one factor that leads couples to engage in unnecessary and harmful conflict by showing that couples experience more frequent and severe conflicts after sleepless nights,” she added.

While previous studies indicate that poor sleep has a negative impact on romantic relationships, these new findings shed more light on how bad sleep compromises couples’ ability to avoid and manage conflict, researchers said.

“For the first time, to our knowledge, we can see the process of how the nature, degree, and resolution of conflict are negatively impacted by poor sleep,” said Chen, a professor of psychology at UC Berkeley.

Researchers collected data on the sleep habits of more than 100 couples who had been together, on average, for nearly two years. They gauged participants for depression, anxiety and other stressors in order to focus solely on the link between the couples’ sleep quality and relationship conflicts.

In one experiment, 78 young adults in romantic relationships provided daily reports over a two-week period about their sleep quality and relationship stresses. Overall, participants reported more discord with their partners on the days following a bad night’s sleep.

“Even among relatively good sleepers, a poor night of sleep was associated with more conflict with their romantic partner the next day,” Chen said.

In a second experiment, 71 couples came into the laboratory, rated how they had slept the previous night, and then, while being videotaped, discussed with their partners a source of conflict in their relationship. Each partner then rated his or her own and his or her partner’s emotional interactions during the conflict conversation, and assessed whether they resolved the disagreement.

The participants who had slept poorly and their partners reported feeling more negatively toward one another during the conflict discussion, according to observations and their reports. Their conflict-resolution skills and ability to accurately gauge their partners’ emotions also suffered after a bad night’s sleep

http://coolpenny./2013/07/14/a-good-nights-sleep-helps-your-relationship/

In the Xiaolianghshan Mountains, Yunnan province (South East China), live the Mosuo people, one of the last living matriarchal societies today. They are closely related to Tibetans. In their social system, paternity and marriage are not the same as in our world. The main pillar of the family is the mother.

The family units can join three women generations with their sons. Grandmothers, mothers and daughters can inhabit the same house, without the presence of fathers or husbands. Only uncles, brothers, sons and nephews are happily accepted.

Sex is practiced freely. They only have to choose a partner to spend the night and only incest is forbidden. Typical marriage and fidelity are something like heresy. Obviously, they don’t seem to present signs of jealousy. The western love tragedies of revengeful and victimized lovers make them laugh. They think the visitor is kidding them “How is it possible to end your precious life for something so banal like sex?”

Otherwise, in the Mosuo language doesn’t exist the word “rape” – even if rape does exist – but is less common than in other cultures.

The woman is clearly the center of this culture.

Mosuo homes are designed as four rectangular structures, with an open central courtyard. Animals and humans will live together in this home, with much of the first floor dedicated to housing for the livestock (yaks, sheep, goats, water buffaloes, horses, geese, poultry, pigs).

It is common to have animals wandering in and out of the house all day. The first floor will also have the main cooking area, and the main eating/visiting area. The second floor is used most commonly for storage, and for the private rooms for Mosuo women! (the rest of the family will sleep in communal quarters).

Women and men are grouped in “clubs”. When two young people are attracted by each other, they start a relationship, working together, having social activities and rejoining every evening in a big party center to sing and dance together.

The boys give girls gold, silver or jade jewelry or silk fabrics. The girls donate wood or leather accessories. Older men can also give as presents salted meat, green tea, sugar or wine to young women, in order to achieve the probation of the old women. Once achieved, they are engaged or – properly said – they are a couple. We talk about “walking marriage”. They won’t live together, but instead, they will spend from time to time the night together, all wrapped in secrecy. And at the woman’s will. The men will walk to the house of their ‘partner’ at night, but return to their own home in the morning.

Even if they have sons, he is not a father in the meaning given in our society. He is just the biological father, a procreation tool. The sons belong to her family and the father can only visit them. The uncles deal with their education, care or admonishment, but always with less authority than the mother. Reversely, the children have to care their old uncles.

Traditionally, a Mosuo woman interested in a particular man will invite him to come and spend the night with her in her room. Such pairings are conducted secretly, so the man will walk to her house after dark, spend the night with her, and return home early the next morning.

Few Mosuo women will have more than one partner at a time, even if they are not expected to do so. Mosuo women can change partners as often as they like. In fact, they practice “serial monogamies”, and some relationships can last for a lifetime. So they are not a culture sexually promiscuous as one might think. And “walking marriages” with non-Mosuo are very strongly forbidden.

Mothers are responsible with the family, but they also decide the inheritances and pass the family name. None can interpose a woman’s authority and even less a man.

Of course, they are “ruled” by a queen (photo), 77 years old now. She is more beloved and respected than venerated. This brave woman faced the Chinese communist regime and was subdued to “reeducation classes” and spent 20 years in prison.

Mosuo religion is a mix of Tibetan Buddhism and its own animistic believes, called Daba.

The greatest Mosuo holiday is the Moon New Year. The families kill a pig which is salted and smoked over the roof of their houses.

The meat amount over the roof represent the richness of the family living bellow that roof. Mosuo are famous for their way of preparing pork, and the meat treated this way can hold 10 years.

All the Mosuo working or studying outside come back for this event when great quantities of a kind of strong wine are consumed.

Political power in Mosuo society tends to be in the hands of males, which for many scientists disqualifies them as a true matriarchy, and they would be rather called “matrilineal”.

The result of the Mosuo system is an extremely stable family structure. There are no divorces, child custody (the child belongs to the mother’s family), splitting of property (property is never shared) etc. The large extended family provides care to the child if a parent dies.

There is no preference for a particular gender. In most cultures the female will join the male’s family when she gets married. A couple with many female children will lose them after marriage, and have no one to care for them in old age; if they have male children, their sons (and their sons’ wives) will care for them and this results in a strong preference for male children.

Among the Mosuo, since neither male nor female children will ever leave home, there is no particular preference for one gender over the other. The focus instead tends to be on maintaining some degree of gender balance within a household, even by adoption or “children change”.

Tourism has begun to boom in China and the influences of the outside world will be felt.

With all their fidelity to the traditions, things are changing very quickly, and it is not that uncommon to find at least one or two homes in a village that will have a
http://coolpenny./2013/07/13/the-land-where-women-rule/

Is This What The Opposition "Anti Amaechi 5" Can Offer?

What Manner Of Lawmaker Is This? Watch video here.... http://sapostiks..com/2013/07/video-of-lawmakers-exchanging-blows-in.html?m=1

By Okechukwu Nwokafor

A fable about a young puppy and a very old dog conveys a lesson on love worth learning.

Every day the puppy chased his tail frantically while the old dog watched with lazy amusement. The puppy wanted the old dog to be his friend but the wise old dog just told him to come back when he knew who he was and what he wanted. The puppy continued to spend so much time and energy chasing his own tail that sometimes he’d collapse in desperation. Sometimes he even lost his way home and feared that he might spend the rest of his life chasing this thing that he wanted so much.

Several years later the weary dog turned to the older dog for help. “I can’t stand it any more! Every time I think I finally have it, I lose it and have to run faster!” he complained.

The older dog smiled. “I have watched you run in circles for a long time. I knew you were getting weaker and losing your spirit, but until you were ready to slow down and look at yourself, there was no use in saying anything!”

Then the old wise dog took the younger dog’s tail gently in his teeth and said “Is this what you are looking for?”

The younger dog gasped. “How did you know that? It feels like mine!”

“It was yours all the time!” the older dog said. But the more you chased after it, the more you got lost and tired and preoccupied. Go home now and rest. Tomorrow you will begin to know what is you and what isn’t. Then we can be friends.”

The tragic reality is that our world is full of pups frantically chasing their own tails. Some think they have it firmly in their grasp but all they have is that one strand of hair in their teeth. Some may spend the rest of their lives chasing their own tails.
http://coolpenny./2013/07/10/687/

By Okechukwu Nwokafor

Question: We’ve been dating for a little over eight weeks and things are going really well. But lately I’ve started to worry that she might be getting bored with doing the same predictable things on every date. I read your eBook and you said it’s the moments when we encounter something new and surprising about someone that take the relationship deeper into the mystery and magnificence of love itself. I’m a really good cook and she doesn’t know that about me.

Saturday, I’m supposed to be picking her up from work and going out for dinner but I was thinking of cooking and serving her a full course dinner at my place. She’s been here before but just for a few drinks before we went for dinner.

She’s a very special woman and I want to make this very special for her. This is where I really need your help. I want to pique her curiosity and create mystery around it the way you talk about in your eBook, but I have no idea how to do that. Any tips? Thank you in advance.

Answer: You are some really cool guy. Lucky woman!

This is one tip I’ve shared and have received feedback saying, it did the magic.

Call her up and after the usual chit-chat. Allow a few seconds of silence to pass, then like you’ve been thinking of something really important that has been weighing on your mind, say something along these lines (revise the words, so it’s more you):

“I’m struggling with a decision and need your help. I have two options, A and B. Which do you think I should choose?”

She may ask, what exactly is involved in each option. Just say it’s something you’d rather not talk about just yet. At this point all you need is some kind of external confirmation on which direction you should go. Then say, don’t put too much thought into it.

If you’re not usually the type to make spontaneous decisions, she may get a little uneasy with this new development, but you want to keep the air of mystery. Say something along these lines (revise the words, so it’s more you):

“I know this is so unlike me, but this is one decision I just have to be spontaneous about, that’s why I’m asking for your help”.

Whichever option she picks, A or B, simply say, “Thank you so much. See you Saturday”

Don’t tell her what you’re planning on doing. Saturday, pick her up as arranged but then suggest you make a little detour to your place because you forgot something.

The rest is up to you! Let me know how it turns out._

http://coolpenny./2013/07/08/tips-on-inviting-her-to-your-place/