₦airaland Forum

By Okechukwu Nwokafor

Sure, beauty and brains go a long way when it comes to winning over a guy’s heart. However, you don’t have to be a total smarty-pants who graduated at the top of her class from Harvard to score major points in the intelligence department. Follow our simple tips to let him know you’re more than just a pretty face. Because you are, duh!



•1Hoping to impress your crush? Easy! Tune in to the news, and be aware of what’s happening around the world. You never want to be that awkward girl out in a conversation because you have absolutely no idea what everyone else is talking about. Men like a woman with some substance. Plus, nowadays, social media makes it easier than ever to keep abreast of current events, so really there is no excuse. Do yourself a favor though — if you’re not knowledgeable on a subject, don’t fake it. Be honest, curious and express a genuine interest in learning more. This will go over much better than getting caught blabbing on a topic you’re clearly clueless about.

Expert Tip: ”Check out Yahoo every day and read the first paragraph of each major news story,” advises internationally renowned dating and relationship coach David Wygant. “Get an idea of what is happening in the world so when a conversation comes up you can add something and not just sit there and be blank. We don’t expect you to know everything, but in life, knowledge is power.”

•2 A surefire way to boost any guy’s ego and convince him that you’re seriously one smart cookie is by asking intelligent questions you’re positive he can answer. For example, let’s say he has a pretty unique job: Come up with a clever way to find out more about what he does, while getting the conversation really flowing as well. Be a good listener, and remember to take an active part in the discussion. Witty commentary will likely earn you extra bonus points, as long as it’s not at his expense, of course!

Expert Tip: Listen more than you talk, as 50 percent of communication is listening, points out sexpert and spokesperson for The Experience Channel, Dr. Ava Cadell. If a guy says something that is confusing when he’s describing his job or passion, ask for more details, adds Wygant. “Men like a woman who is interested in our passions and how we spend our days. It turns us on and makes us feel that you are the cool chick that every guy wants and we have.”

•3 We touched on this tip a little bit earlier, but one of the most important pieces of advice we can provide you is to simply be yourself. Don’t view a date as a test you need to study for and perform your best on. You’ll only come off as sounding unnatural or too practiced. Heck, he might even think you’re too smart! If worst comes to worst, he’s not into it. And in that case, there are plenty of other fish in the sea that will love, respect and appreciate you for who you are!

Expert Tip: “Be yourself, but imagine that you are 10 times bolder to boost your self-confidence,” suggests Dr. Cadell.

•4 Do you consider yourself a huge sports fan? If so, you’re in luck! A great way to get in good with practically any guy is having the ability to talk sports. Strike up a lighthearted conversation about the current game going on, and don’t be afraid to offer up your own informed opinion. The key word here is informed though, because if you aren’t actually, well, you’ll just look silly.

Expert Tip: “Know your home team, and how they’ve been doing over the past few years,” recommends David. “Remember: a little bit of sports information goes a long way with us cavemen.”


http://coolpenny./2013/07/08/intelligent-woman/

=)) º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º =))


\=))_
((
<,'\/

Jamey Maxwell: Unilag girls follow this rules with their life¤

By Okechukwu Nwokafor

You’ve heard them; don’t approach him first, don’t flirt, don’t look friendly, don’t pick up the phone when he calls, wait four days before you call him back, never ever accept spontaneous invitations, act like you’re not interested, don’t show him you like him, don’t let him hold your hand until on the third date, don’t introduce him to your friends before he introduces you to his, if he’s not ready to commit when you’re ready dump him, never be friends with an ex etc.

Who follows these type of rules? What kind of man does a woman who follows these rules attract? Is it possible to sustain a loving relationship based on a calculating persona faking a busy life? What’s so wrong with being an open, honest, vulnerable, pro-active real woman with her own mind, a body and soul?

Every time we set up unrealistic, counter-productive and sometimes even ridiculous “rules” that assume that all men and all women react the same way to the same situation rather than that relationships are an interplay between two unique individuals, we set ourselves up for frustration, hurt and disillusion.

If all you attract is frustration, disappointment and hurt, change the way you approach dating and the way you relate to the opposite sex. Stop treating dating like a game or a necessary evil you have to endure (to get to heaven) and instead see it as a journey of self-discovery.

Take time to get to know yourself and work on the unhealthy residues from your past that may be driving your choices and actions; challenge yourself to do some of the things you’re most afraid to do; meet people and allow others to get to know the real you; accept that life isn’t always fair and things will not always go your way but that happens to everyone; don’t take yourself too seriously and don’t expect others to be perfect; be flexible, spontaneous and have fun! But most of all be authentically you.

Show that you’re approachable, friendly, interested and interesting, intriguing, good company and relationship-worthy.

1) If you’re interested in a guy, let him know.

2) If you want to go out with him, ask him out.

3) If a guy asks you out and you want to go, go. If you’re not available, let him know.

4) If you’re not into him, sensitively let him know.

5) If you really are into him but the relationship is not as “hot” as you want it to be, be proactive and do something about it.

6) If something is bothering you about the relationship, talk to him about it.

7) If the relationship is falling apart at the seams, try to mend it.

If he feels smothered, pressured or wants a little breathing space, give it to him without hard feelings.

9) If you love him and want a second chance, give love a chance.

10) If you don’t feel he is the one for you or the relationship is toxic, end it.

I understand that the approach I promote is rather radical for some and have been told by a few people that it’s “a cultural thing”. Surely openness, honesty, integrity, truthfulness, authenticity, sensitivity, fairness, thoughtfulness and self-respect can’t just be a “cultural thing”. More like a “human thing” or a “love thing” to me. Unless of course, you have nothing much to offer in terms of a real fulfilling relationship, then may be it makes sense to manipulate others into thinking you’re who you’re not!

But that’s just my thinking (and may be it’s a “cultural thing”). If you want to play mind games, by all means play on. But don’t complain when the guys you attract using mind games are doing exactly the same thing you’re doing. In my opinion, if two people are okay playing mind games with each other, then they deserve each other. No tears.
http://coolpenny./2013/07/08/the-rules-and-playing-mind-games-with-men/

By Okechukwu Nwokafor

There are many gorgeous strong successful career women who say they find themselves quite lonely and would love to meet the right man but when they go on dates they rarely are asked for a second, and the relationships they get into do not last because men find them “intimidating”.

It’s true that SOME men — especially those who consider such women out of their league– find gorgeous strong successful career women “threatening” to their manhood but there is more to this than just “insecure” men.

Some gorgeous strong successful career women are wonderful well balanced and emotionally secure human beings who like most have the same difficulties common to all singles but made more difficult by their career and material success. I’ve worked with some of these women and as soon as they learn how to ease men into seeing the “strong” them – the “career” them, they find themselves in relationships that are going somewhere – and VERY fast because they already have the “if-you-want-it-go-get-it-yourself” mindset and the skills for getting what they want.

But there are some women who use “men are intimidated by my success” to cover up male-alienating-behaviours that are so deep rooted that they don’t even know they have them. First contact with them makes even me (a people-person) step back and wonder if I really want to get to know this person, which in turn makes me wonder if this is the way men they come in contact with feel. Some of them in the beginning come across as really nice fun loving women but soon or later the sarcastic, put-down, bitter, insecure, clingy, controlling, manipulative, selfish and self-interested, negative and desperate person hiding behind “men are intimidated by my success” comes out. And it is this –not the “success” — that so many men have such a difficult time dealing with, even men who are successful in their own right.

Many women may not want to hear this but there is a HUGE difference between being a truly independent woman who can think for herself and is strong enough to stand on her own, won’t take the abuse that an insecure man usually dishes out and is confident enough to allow a man to get close to her and a woman whose behaviour causes any man in his right senses to think twice about entering, pursuing or remaining in the relationship.

When it comes to meeting the right man and having the relationship of your dreams, true independence has little to do with looks, academic degrees, what you’ve been able to achieve career wise or materially and everything to do with how you truly feel on the inside. On the outside, you may appear to be warm, friendly, vibrant, intelligent and have a great sense of humour but the real you inside (the little girl afraid of rejection or abandonment crying out “I’ll make you love me” or the hurt and angry b**** inside screaming “chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out”) turns guys off before the chase even begins. Some really great guy might try to come close and try to stick around but after a while he too can’t take it anymore.

 
Often times the very skills that make us very successful in a male-dominated work environment are the ones that don’t work for us when it comes to love. It’s finding that GREAT balance of masculine and feminine energies that is your key to the relationship of your dreams. And PLEASE for the nth time, femininity is not just about looking/dressing and “acting” feminine – it’s about embodying the whole essence of mother earth in all her magnificence and ageless beauty.

If you are looking to meet a man who is attracted to and is “turned on” mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually by a woman who challenges him on all those levels, the first place to start is within – and this time really BE open and honest with yourself as you work though your own insecurities, pain or skewed sexual programming.

Trust me, there are a lot of men who are so confident in who they are and so secure with themselves and would do ANYTHING (and without any bit of bitterness and resentment) to have “the whole package”. I personally know many of these men.

The ones with serious insecurity issues will of course continue to be intimidated by you, but that is theirs to work on. Trying to adjust your life to them would be too much of unnecessary sacrifice – and frankly, IT’S NOT WORTH IT!
http://coolpenny./2013/07/08/do-you-intimidate-men-and-put-them-off-before-the-chase-even-begins/

Question: She’s 46, I’m 33. We’ve been having really great dates and getting closer slowly.  I’m falling for her an she said she was very  attracted to me. But I think I may have also started acting a little needy and contacted her too much because on one date she said her ex-husband was too insecure and needy and she’s not looking for another needy man. Soon after that she seemed to have stopped all contact with me. I called her cell phone it was turned off. I called her at work but she seemed busy and said she would call me back and I said ok. She didn’t call back. I called her on her cell phone when I got home and left her a message just saying hi but she did not respond.

I checked her facebook page two days ago and she had posted some photos of her and some other friends. I checked it yesterday and there was a message on her wall, “Don’t make the same mistake twice.” I don’t know if the message was for me but she had also left a message on my facebook, some nice comment about a photo I had posted. I responded to it but that’s all I’ve heard from her.

I don’t want to pressure her but she’s leaving for a two weeks vacation and I’ll be away for another two weeks by the time she returns. I would just like to talk to her before we both go away. But maybe I should just leave it until I come back, as I might end up saying something which will hurt my chances with her. And maybe the time away will let her think about things. It may even be a good time to just let her start calling me.

Answer: She said she’ll call you so why are you calling her at work on her cell phone? It’s like you’re chasing a simple phone call (“Hey! you said you’d call but you didn’t that’s why I’m calling you, please call because you said you’d call!”). So very desperate!

It’s not like she does not know that she’s going away on vacation and when she returns, you’ll be away. If it’s important to her that the two of you talk before you both go away, she’ll contact you. If not, give her space and time to process her emotions without you intruding in because you panic and think you should do more. Some Psychologists say it takes someone 48 – 72 hours to complete processing an emotion. If you impact someone emotionally they subconsciously start processing that emotion (how do I feel?  who made me feel this way?  why do I feel this way?  what will I feel next? etc). But if you keep intruding into the process with constant contact you interrupt the process and either the person has to start all over again or you create another emotion which may not be as positive as the last one. The latest emotion is what they process. So if you had a great time, best thing is to pull away a little and let her complete processing that emotion. If she likes the answers to her own questions, she’ll be motivated to contact you because she wants to feel that emotion again.

For now, to get to that “balance” of not too little and not too much, ask yourself if your reason for contacting her is urgent, important or interesting. If it’s none of those and you’re just contacting her because you feel insecure or afraid that you might lose her, you’ve crossed to the “acting needy” side. When you start to feel stressed out or fell a sense of “panic” in your belly, you’ve crossed to the “acting needy” side. If you find yourself contacting her about a contact you made that was not responded to, you’ve crossed to the “acting needy” side. When you’re trying to “manipulate” an outcome and invested too much – time and emotion – on the outcome, you’ve crossed to the “acting needy” side.

Also you don’t want to give the impression that all she has to do is make a comment on your facebook wall and your all over her as if it’s a come-on signal. My advice for you is to slowly cut out checking her facebook page.  I’ve seen this with my clients.  They look like they are “managing” to refrain from desperately contacting someone, but all they do is replace one “needy” behaviour with another. For example they stop obsessively calling only to start obsessively emailing or they stop obsessively texting only to start obsessively monitoring the person’s facebook/my space page.  You are not really changing anything.  Sooner or later the other person will figure out where the obsession has shifted and lose interest............... http://coolpenny./2013/07/06/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact/

By Okechukwu Nwokafor
Question: I write to you because I was very impressed by your e-book that I found very well-written and informative.
I am well educated, Ph.D., intelligent, blonde petite and I’ve been told I’m quite attractive. I take excellent care of myself and always look good when I go out especially to the beach with my bikini. I also enjoy the attention of men watching me but even though I’m 38, I kind of feel like as a sexual person, I am still in adolescence. I don’t know how to express myself as a sexual person and struggle with drawing the line between coming across as relaxed, fun and sexy and coming across as easy, indecent and cheap. I’ve jumped into bed too soon and had sex with random men because sexual enticement is all I know aboutbeing sexual. Part of this I think is because I was raised in a strict Catholic family.
How do I get to that place where I’m sexually fearless and able to flirt and feel at ease around men and not be the female that slept with the football team or the Sex and City woman?
Answer:We’re all born sexually fearless but that free-flowing sexual energy can be suppressed by the mis-education about human sexuality.
1. Part of being a sexually fearless and magnetic person is that there is no agenda to end up “having sex” with anyone.
It’s not about sex or sexual enticement. It’s not even a “women empowerment” thing. It is a way of BE-ing a sexual being. It’s often unconscious, instinctive and effortless because it is just who we are in our naturally relaxed sexual state.
To find your own “relaxed, fun and sexy self” you have to first get into that place where you’re truly happy with who you are — mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually - and genuinely comfortable in your own skin or as we say in my culture “playing with life” or “making love to the universe.”
When you play with life or make love to the universe, you have that easy-going, playful presence and soulful energy that sends very powerful “I like my life and who I am and you’ll like me too if you get to know me” vibes . Men will be drawn to that energy – some even have no idea why. They just know there is something about how you ARE with yourself and with them.
Instead of you struggling to do what sexual energy can do (naturally and effortlessly) all you do is give your sexual energy permission to flow freely – and magnetize other’s energy.
2. The other part of being a sexually fearless and magnetic person is knowing that you have the power and control over your own sexuality (including who and when to have sex).
Instead of going out thinking “I hope I’ll find someone who’ll want me”, adopt the attitude of “I wonder who’ll capture my eyes and heart.” This will help you enjoy yourself and learn just what kind of guys really rock your world, and not just be drawn to anyone who shows sexual interest in you...... http://coolpenny./2013/07/06/how-do-i-show-men-im-available-but-not-easy/

By Okechukwu Nwokafor

My intention with this piece is to open up dialogue, educate women, and encourage us all to know, love, and celebrate our bodies. Enjoy the info, and please, pass it on!

•The only cancer a Pap smear screens for is cervical cancer. It doesn’t check your ovaries, your uterus, or your colon.
What is HPV? Human papilloma virus is a virus from the papillomavirus family that is capable of infecting humans.

•How much vaginal discharge you make varies widely. Some normal, healthy women spew loads of discharge and need to wear panty liners every day. Others are bone dry. As long as you are not at risk of STDs and you have no itching, burning, or odor, you’re probably just fine. If in doubt, see your gynecologist.

•Every vulva is different and special. Some lips hang down. Some are tucked up neatly inside. All are beautiful. Don’t even think about labiaplasty or “vaginal rejuvenation surgery.” You’re perfect just the way you are.

•Most women don’t have orgasm from intercourse alone. The clitoris is where the action is. Most women who do orgasm during sex have figured out how to with hitting the sweet spot, either from positioning or from direct stimulation of the clitoris with fingers.

•If you’re hunting for your G Spot, be patient. Stimulating this area usually requires more time and deeper stimulation than most people think. Try using a finger in a “come hither” motion to stimulate the front wall of the vagina, where the G spot lives. If you can’t find it, don’t worry. You’re not alone. Many can’t- and it’s definitely not critical to having a fulfilling romp in the hay.

•How you choose to decorate is completely personal. Waxing, shaving, tattooing, piercing, or simply going all natural. It’s your choice, and don’t let anyone else pressure you into doing something that doesn’t resonate with you.

•The vagina is like a bicep. Use it or lose it. If you don’t have a partner, pick up a battery-operated boyfriend to help keep things healthy as you age. But don’t worry- it’s usually not an issue until after menopause, when fragile vaginal tissue can scar and shrink. If properly tended, your vagina will be able to pleasure you until the day you leave this life.

•While men do pee out of the penis, women do not pee out of the vagina. Know your anatomy. There are three holes and countless other sexy structures. Find your way around on the Pretty Pink Pussy Tour. Get a hand mirror and go to town.

•The vagina doesn’t connect to your lung. If you lose something in there, don’t worry. Reach in all the way and pull it out. Do not- I repeat- do not, go hunting for whatever you’ve lost with a pair of pliers. If you think you put something in there and you can’t find it, chances are good that it’s simply not there. Think of your vagina as being like a sock. If you lose a banana in a sock…it stays in the sock.

•Yes, it’s true- your vagina can fall out. Yes your vagina can turn inside out just like a worn out sweat sock and hang between your legs as you get older. But don’t fret- this condition- called pelvic prolapse- can be fixed.

……there’s no such thing as being revirginized. Once you lose it, it’s gone. Just so you know……

•You can catch sexually transmitted diseases even if you use a condom. Sorry to break it to you, but skin of the vulva can still touch infectious skin of the scrotum- and BAM! Warts. Herpes. Molluscum contagiosum. So pick your partners carefully.

•The vagina doesn’t need to be douched. As a friend says, “My vagina doesn’t need to be cleaned up. It smells good already. Don’t try to decorate. Don’t believe him when he tells you it smells like rose petals when it’s supposed to smell like pussy. That’s what they’re doing – trying to clean it up, make it smell like bathroom spray or a garden. All those douche sprays – floral, berry, rain. I don’t want my pussy to smell like rain. All cleaned up like washing a fish after you cook it. I want to taste the fish. That’s why I ordered it.” Amen, sister.

•Menstrual blood is supposed to clot, so don’t freak out. Usually, what you think are clots are just pieces of uterine lining. As long as you’re not losing too much blood, small clots during your period need not concern you. Clots are just nature’s way of keeping you from bleeding too much. Blood is supposed to clot. It’s when the clots are large or you start to hemorrhage that we start to worry.

•Lots of vaginas need help lubing up during sex, especially as you get older. Don’t be afraid to slick on some lubricant like K-Y Jelly or Astroglide (coconut oil is a great natural lubricant).

•Vaginal farts (some call them “queefs” or “varts”) happen to almost all women at one time or another, especially during sex or other forms of exercise. Don’t be embarrassed. You’re perfectly normal.

•Vaginas stretch out when you have babies vaginally. It’s natural but it can leave you feeling a bit loosey goosey. Kegel exercises (contracting the muscles of the vagina) really do help. To do them, practice stopping the stream of urine when you pee. There- that’s the muscle! Now contract and relax it 10 times for three or more sets several times per day.

•Some women do ejaculate during orgasm, but you’re normal if you don’t. The controversial “female ejaculation” most likely represents two different phenomena. If it’s a small amount of milky fluid, it likely comes from the paraurethral glands inside the urethra. If it’s a cup, it’s probably pee. Many times, it may be a little bit of both. But don’t stress out about peeing on yourself. Put a towel under you and surrender to the experience.

•Sex shouldn’t hurt, but it does for many women. If you’re one of those women, see your doctor. So many women are too embarrassed to say anything, so they suffer in silence. There are things we can do to help.
Continue reading...... http://coolpenny./2013/07/04/%E2%80%A2things-every-woman-should-know-about-her-vagina%E2%80%A2/

Helping your partner when you don’t feel like it can be damaging your relationship, according to social scientists from the University of Arizona.
Men and women offering to take on a chore normally done by the other may make them seem like the perfect partner. Yet when these sacrifices are done by a partner who is feeling stressed or in a bad mood, it can make the stress worse, the study found.
This in turn can lead to an increase in arguments and partners feeling taken for granted.
Research scientist Casey Totenhagen and her team at the university carried out daily surveys among 154 married and unmarried couples. The length of relationship ranged from six months to 44 years.
The couples recorded all their activities from time spent with friends, to child care and chores.
They were then asked to record which activities they considered to be ‘sacrifices’.
Sacrifices included those they had done that were usually done by their partner.
Alongside this, everyone filled in details of how well their day had been, the hassles theyhad experienced and how it had affected their mood.
And finally, a section was reserved for them to rank their feelings towards their partners on a daily basis, including how close, committed and satisfied they felt about the relationship.
The kind of sacrifices made were small and not significant in terms of how it could change a relationship but generally carried out to show ‘niceness’, said the researchers.
Carrying out such good deeds while in a good mood made the person doing it feel more committed to their relationship.
However, it appears to have little effect on theother partner who, in general, felt no different about the relationship after the nice act than they did before.
This may be because they were unaware thattheir partner was making a ‘sacrifice’ simply by taking the washing off the line or emptying the dishwasher, for instance.
Alternatively, if the person making the ‘sacrifice’ felt stressed when they take on the extra task, then they feel no better about the relationship afterwards.
Totenhagen said ‘On days when people were really stressed those sacrifices weren’t really beneficial anymore, because it was just one more thing on the plate at that point.
‘If you’ve already had a really stressful day, and then you come home and you’re sacrificing for your partner, it’s just one morething.
But the answer may be quite simple, particular for relationships where both partners work hard and suffer stress. Do more together.
She said: ‘If I have a terrible day at work, I’m going to come home feeling grumpy, and probably my quality of interaction with my partner won’t be as great.
‘And if my partner has a stressful day, they’re probably coming home feeling grumpy and they won’t have the energy to have positive interactions, so I still suffer from my partner’sstressful day.
‘It’s really important that couples work on coping with those daily stresses as they occur, before they have a chance to build up.’
They may appear to be small things but it is small things that can make ‘good relationships good, and bad relationships bad’ said Ms Totenhagen.

http://coolpenny./2013/07/02/is-over-sacrificing-ruining-your-relationship/

By Okechukwu Nwokafor
A poll carried out by onepoll.com and reported by Telegraph, Daily Mail and Hindustan Times (September 30, 09) asked 15,000 women to rate the world’s best and worst lovers by country, the results are interesting.
WORLD’S WORST LOVERS:
1. Germany (too smelly)
2. England (too lazy)
3. Sweden (too quick)
4. Holland (too dominating)
5. America (too rough)
6. Greece (too lovey-dovey)
7. Wales (too selfish)
8. Scotland (too loud)
9. Turkey (too sweaty)
10. Russia (too hairy)
WORLD’S BEST LOVERS
1. Spain
2. Brazil
3. Italy
4. France
5. Ireland
6. South Africa
7. Australia
8. New Zealand
9. Denmark
10. Canada
Great! 3,349,852,000 women in the world and only 15,000 women get to decide which men are the best and the worst lovers in the world. Please! Give us women some credit. Did these women have to sleep with all the 20 men to decide which one was best or worst?
I personally don’t buy into the notion that one particular group of people are better lovers than others. That said however, I have to admit there is something that men from certain countries do that transfers the “best lover” brand on even those men who aren’t necessarily “best lovers” but just happen to be from that country.
I’ve been in been in business and social gatherings with French and Spanish (from Spain, Spanish) men, the way they carry themselves will actually make you think they must be “that good”. They come across as “best lovers” because they THINK they are, and not necessarily because they all are.
It all comes down to sexual confidence!
Footnote:world female population as estimated by the Population Division of the Department of Economic and Social Affairs, United Nations Secretariat, July 2008
http://coolpenny./2013/07/02/worlds-worst-and-best-lovers-men-by-country/

popocherry: i like ur teachings pls can i hv ur phone number ?

Port Harcourt
2, Ideozu Close,
Tombia Ext
GRA, PHASE II,
Port Harcourt, Rivers State,
Nigeria


Abuja

Desires Pathfinder
65 Crescent, Gwarinpa 11, Estate,
Abuja,
Nigeria

Bayelsa

Behind Total Child Academy,
Bay-Bridge Road,
Bayelsa State,
Nigeria



SMS Lines
+234-80-330-19216
+234-80-997-29158
+234-80-839-25577
+234-70-534-77206

To God almighty, my spirit guide and the adepts and souls on the astral plane who have constantly advised, assisted and guided me in all things is my website dedicated. If my late father had his way, I would have being talking to you as a lawyer and certainly not as a christain mystic and a spiritual leader.

All my father's effort to stop me from embracing the spiritual aspect of life amounted to nihility because that which is great or good shall continue to make itself known no matter how loud is the clamour of denial. It's almost twenty five years ago I guess, I ran away from my Port Harcourt home and was hiding in quite a number of villages in Ogoni. I stayed in villages like Bodo-City, Bori, Beeri, Taabaa, etc and in each of these villages, I healed many insane and sick people. I was a noted healer in all the aforesaid villages.

After spending few years in Ogoni, I moved to Agbonchia Eleme where I kept on demonstrating my healing abilities. Eventually I left Agbonchia Eleme and moved fully to Port Harcourt. In course of interacting and dealing with the larger society I realised they pine first for spiritual knowledge before healing of the body and for the past twenty one years or so my irrepressible effort to enligthen the masses spiritually is well known and believe me it has not being easy. Certain classes of people in Nigeria have tried futiley to prevent me to unveiling spiritual truths to you, so that they can continue to enslave the masses.

The Holy Bible is a well of truth, but its teachings are too deep for many to understand, in the Holy Bible many divine mysteries are delibrately disguised with various symbols of animals, stars, events etc, so as to conceal their true esoteric meanings. This of course has given birth to countless unenligthened class of pastors who are misleading the masses with half truths and outright lies. Only few people are spiritually enligthened that's why right now, people are confronted with two different interpretations of what truth should be or really is.

The whole importance of desires pathfinder is to unveil spiritual truths, make clearer the inner meanings of biblical passages, tell you things pastors cannot tell you and most importantly attend to your spiritual needs and guide you on the path to God realisation because it is from God we come and then to God shall we return.

When I heard about my friend’s book deal, I wanted to be happy for her—really, I did. Sharon* had spent months laboring over a heartfelt essay about her traumatic childhood, and the piece was published to wide acclaim. Now she had landed a contract to turn the story into a memoir for a sum so enormous it could buy my house twice. I should have been celebrating her success. Instead, I was busy hunting for reasons she didn’t deserve it.

Envy can be an ugly emotion. A study published in the journal Scienceshowed that it actually activates a region of the brain involved in processing physical pain. No wonder people go to such lengths to ignore or deny the emotion. Yet it’s nearly impossibleto dodge, because envy is an inevitable consequence of the comparisons we seem programmed to make.

Researchers have found that when you put a group of strangers in a room, they start to assess each other almost immediately. “Whether you’re aware of it or not, most people are automatically sizing up the crowd—who’s smarter, who’s tougher, who’s more beautiful,” says Richard Smith, PhD, editor of the anthology Envy: Theory and Research. “We’re all different, and those differences matter.” But—contrary to popularbelief—feeling envious isn’t always a bad thing.

Psychologists have identified two very distinct kinds of envy: malicious and benign. Malicious envy is bitter and biting, driven by aneed to make things equal, even if that means tearing another person down. Benign envy, on the other hand, has an aspirational aspect—you think, “If she can do it, maybe I can, too.” Though the feeling is still unpleasant, it’s tinged with admiration ratherthan resentment.

In a study published last year, economists at the University of East Anglia found that malicious envy stifled innovation among farmers in four villages in rural Ethiopia. During experimental games, the farmers were often willing to sabotage their peers, even at their own expense. As the sabotage became more widespread within a community, farmers were less likely to adopt new practices, for fear that they would be targeted by their neighbors.

Meanwhile another 2011 study, done in the Netherlands, revealed benign envy as a powerful motivational force. Researchers at Tilburg University discovered that—compared with feelings of malicious envy and pure admiration—benign envy led students to dedicate more time to their schoolwork, and perform better on.

http://coolpenny./2013/06/12/when-envy-strikes-how-to-put-jealousy-to-good-use/

This should hit front page.

You’ve got questions? O‘s beauty director, Valerie Monroe, has answers.

Q: How long do I need to use a product to assess its effectiveness?

A: I’ve often wondered the same thing. I’ve used a retinoid cream on my face every night for a few years, and I think it has improved the texture of my skin, but how do I know what I’d look like if I hadn’t used it or had used something else? This is the kind of existential question that racks a beauty editor’s soul.

It can take several months of use before retinoids (like Tazorac, Retin-A, and Differin) stimulate enough collagen to have a noticeable effect, says David McDaniel, MD, assistant professor of clinical dermatology at Eastern Virginia Medical School. With antioxidants like green tea, CoffeeBerry, and coenzyme Q-10, you might notice a brightening effect in weeks, but it could be months before you see a reduction in fine lines. A lightening agent (for dark spots) like hydroquinone, mulberry, licorice, or kojic acid can begin to work in days, but it usually takes weeks to see an appreciable reduction in pigment. If you see no difference in three or four weeks, it’s probably not going to work. The same is true for acne products; after about a month with no improvement, see a dermatologist.

Bottom line: Be patient. If after a month or two (or four, for retinoids) you see no difference in your skin, move on



http://coolpenny./2013/06/12/how-long-does-it-take-beauty-products-to-work/

Ok, so there is a new conspiracy theory making rounds online. The theory has it that Big Brother Africa has some Illuminati backing to it. In fact, it is being said that the Illuminati owns the BBA franchise...lol.
I find the notion very hilarious, but then it's my job to inform you guys about trending stuff on the internet. It is then left for you guys to draw your conclusions.
So now, anything with an eye has something to the the Illuminati? OK.
Do leave your comments.

http://sapostiks..in/2013/06/big-brother-africa-owned-by-illuminati.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed:+Sapostiks+(SAPOSTIKS)&utm_content=FaceBook

These days, Nigerian street corners are saturated with movies that should only be sold discreetly in some designated outlets, due to their visible adult content.
But it has been gathered that most of the movies are brought into Nigeria from Ghana and as such do not pass through necessary screéning.
Reacting to the issue, Nigerian Censors Boardhead, Ms Patricia Bala, said:
“Because it’s an underground thing, it keeps coming up, and we have been trying to trace the sources enough to understand that most of these movies emanate from pornographic sites on the internet. We have been trying to trace the people who operate such sites on internet.
"We have been to Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC) and the Nigerian Broadcasting Commission (NBC), and they said they don’t regulate content on the internet.
"Our next approach is to approach YouTube and other site managers that do such business, so that we can stop them. As a matter of fact, we want those sites to be blocked.”
I think the prolifération of ádult-contént movies on our streets should worry every right thinking person.


http://sapostiks..in/2013/06/back-to-homanother-porn-movie-enters.html

In a very shocking, almost unbelievable incident, police on Friday arrested a bridegroom for raping a guest in Murar Colony area of Gwalior, India. The groom had took advantage of the crowd and raped the victim on his wedding day, said reports.
According to a senior cop of Murar police station, the 23-year-old victim was raped by the bridegroom hours before his marriage on June 3. He took advantage of the crowd and dragged the girl into a secluded corner of the guest house and raped her, he added.
The accused also forced the victim to drink cola laced with drugs, due to which she became unconscious and could not raise an alarm. The victim kept mum for two day and approached the Murar police station with a relative after all the marriage rituals were over.
The bridegroom was arrested on Friday and has been booked under relevant sections of Indian Penal Code.
Wonders.

http://sapostiks..in/2013/06/groom-rapes-guest-at-his-own-wedding.html

BY


Cosmas Uchenna Nwokafor
08068254251, 08065812120, 08136377834


Background of the Study
Before and after the contact between Africa and Europe, ancient Nigerian societies had a stock of great exemplary leaders and torch-bearers at various facets of life. Colonial and post-modern Nigeria has continued to witness the emergence of great leaders whom in all their uniqueness have led Nigerians from one level to another like a driver who has a lot of commuters, full of human potentials heading towards a
special task. Certainly, the commuters’ life, at the interim, is at the mercy of the driver.
The life and mission of those commuters is in serious jeopardy if the driver is untrained, do not know the actual route to the intended destination, drives recklessly or has an ulterior motive, such as, leading his passengers to armed bandits or ritual killers or the similitude of the listed evil intentions. By this illustration, it arrives at asserting that to assess the validity of a good leader is as the resolve that his followers are happy with him, fulfilled and ends expectantly.
If the above illustration is fit to serve as a template for determining, criticizing or judging an ideal leader/leadership, what would be the common take of Nigerians on leadership in Nigeria?
One thing we must get a grip of is that leadership is not only consigned to political leadership. It cuts across, political, economic and socio-cultural boundaries. And as a Nigerian, my general assessment of leadership in Nigeria may not differ from the hue and cry of Nigerians: the country is moving backward at every count, development is replaced with stagnation while corruption is drastically at the increase, and Nigerians are continually loosing their breathe on the looming fate of their destiny. These drivers are the problem. Chinna Achebe in his booklet, the Problem with Nigeria, opines that the problem lies squarely on leadership failure, else there is nothing wrong with the Nigerian land, climate, water, air or anything else:
“The Nigerian Problem is the unwillingness of its leaders to rise to the responsibility, to the challenge of personal example which are the true hallmark of leadership”.
The central problems that have so far succeeded to unit Nigerians as a matter of reaching a consensus are often on the topic of bad leadership. It is however, not an entirely bad experience. This is because; men may not value or appreciate a flicker of light if they had not known a deep and tiring state of perpetual darkness. Nigerians are fagged out and are most willing to cast their lot on any true leader if they find one. Like the biblical nomads who kept watch at NIGHT and waited hopefully and patiently for that great messiah. Nigerians are looking forward to the emergence of such leaders that can salvage them from their dungeon of socio-political and socio-economic quagmire. These leaders are expected to sprout from all the areas of the indices of developmental avenues such as, industrial, traditional, professional, political, cultural, economic, religious, scientific, social, technological and educational aspects of life.
The institutions mentioned above are primordial and inherent to human existence. They are lurked up inside man from the origin of existence and could only come to life by the aid of education. Indeed, education is an illuminator. No society can rise above its lower level to a higher level without the aid of education. This means that education is the cornerstone for any development in man and his society. Thus, all the necessary channels and off-shoots of real development are the offspring of education. This may account for why Nigerian government placed premium on education. The report of the presidential committee on the preview of the 1999 Constitution states that:

“Government shall make Education the pivot of the nation’s social development, mobilization and ethical re-orientation of the citizens”.


It is unequivocally true that education is the hope of a realizable dream-Nigeria. It is also true that our leaders has also failed in the area of education, even though it is given a premium on our national (written) course. The Nigerian constitution stipulates that the government will provide free education to her citizens from the primary to secondary levels of education and through to tertiary level. The question is: is that what is obtainable in Nigeria of today? The answer is No! Our leaders have continued to fail. It shows their lack of vision and unpatriotic attitude by relegating the invaluable place of education to national development and their deaf ears to the agonizing cry of the masses. Yet, in spite of the popularities of bad leadership there are yet some exemptions.
However reluctant Nigerian government has been to educational concern, individuals, organisations as well as institutions are springing up educational centres to make up for the vacuum and loopholes, even though it has its drawbacks. The drawback is that these schools are expensive, thereby sidelining the larger percentage of Nigerians who are languishing in poverty. This is not to say that there are no well-meaning Nigerians, organisations and institutions who do not sponsor the less privileged to get education. There are a number of them. And anytime there is a mention of good-willed Nigerian or organisation with a passion for promoting literacy in Nigeria through voluntary donations and scholarship, the first name that readily comes to the mind of most Nigerians from the six geo-political zones is “Rochas Okorocha” or “Rochas Foundation”.
Rochas Okorocha and his Foundation is a household name in Nigeria in respect to educational support and promotion. He has demonstrated his strong passion for the development of education in Nigeria by issuing free education to the less-privileged Nigerians through his Rochas Foundation College Project as an individual philanthropist and revivalist. His wisdom is made bare by his clench to the popular Chinese adage that says, “Don’t give me fish, but teach me how to fish”. Himself, rising from a very poor background and grabbing an hold to an enviable national glory, did not attain this height by a mere chance, but by the leverage of education. For this reason, Rochas Okorocha channels his energy at alleviating the plight of Nigerians by offering free education to Nigerian children from basic education to tertiary education at his own cost as a businessman. This favour has been spread out to all Nigerians irrespective of tribe or religion. The same feat is being replicated in Imo State as he is now the governor of the state.
This paper is therefore concerned with the person of Owelle Rochas Anayo Okorocha, as can be gleaned from the caption. It intends to x-ray his efforts at entrenching an enlightened Nigerian populace and development of the human capacity for a virile Nigeria. Its motive should not be misinterpreted as a substitute for the stock-pile of works of recommendation and bootlicking of the person of Rochas Okorocha. Its main purpose is to score a point and fill a gap, and a very important one by considering his hitherto efforts towards the educational sector and the expected end. Thus, it shall examine Rochas Okorocha as an individual and his revolutionary steps at combating illiteracy in Nigeria. Finally, it shall consider his conventional approach towards his passion.

ROCHAS OKOROCHA AND EDUCATIONAL DEVELOPMENT
Rochas Okorocha has achieved tremendous success and prominence socially, economically and political with a particular intimidating high track record he has set in the support and encouragement of educational studies. And his profile is still rising.
Biography
The man, Owelle Rochas Anayo Okorocha (OON) was born on September 22, 1962 in Ogboko, Ideato South Local Government Area of Imo State. Coming from a humble beginning, he rose from grace to grace. He began the struggle for survival with hawking of groceries in Barkin Ladi, Jos and rose to become a proprietor of a commercial school.
In 1976, Rochas Okorocha started his secondary education amidst a life of privation, by the 1990s, Rochas was fully into public service. But he did not put aside academic life, and so combined both activities. His academic strife was quite rewarding as he was today adorned with quite a number of academic laurels among which are LLL.B and LL.M from university of Jos. Advanced Diploma in Public Administration, Diploma in Law and conflict management and PGD in management.
By 1996, Rochas Okorocha founded the Rochas Foundation as a philanthropy organisation, and in 2001 Rochas Foundation gave birth to Rochas Foundation College, which today has campuses across the Federation. This wing of Rochas Foundation is poised with offering free education to indigent Nigerian students irrespective of tribe or creed. The establishment was propelled by his passion for salvaging the suffering Nigerian masses by rendering free education to many Nigerian students so as to live above the penury line.
As a passionate humanitarian, Rochas is the president of the Nigerian Red Cross Society which is now waxing stronger than when he met it. Yet unsatisfied with his input to humanitarian work through his work at the Nigerian Red Cross Society, Rochas took a dive into politics at both state and national levels, so as to touch the lives of a greater percentage of Nigerians. In 1999, he represented Ideato South and North Federal Constituency were he served as the Federal Commissioner representing Imo State in the Federal Character Commission, and also won the position of the chairman of the Youth wing of Peoples’ Democratic Party (PDP) in the same year; 1999.
In the same year (1999), Rochas contested the gubernatorial election in Imo State but could emerge as the governor which he purportedly won but was denied the right to emerge due to the monster of god-fatherism prevalent in the Nigerian Politics. He further went on to contest for the ultimate position in Nigerian under the platform of All Nigerians Peoples Party (ANPP) in the presidential bid of 2003. Gaining the reputation as very stiff contenders for the 2003 presidential contestants, Rochas was later called upon and appointed the special adviser to the president on inter-party affairs.
As a naturally born revivalist, Rochas Founded a new political party known as Action Alliance, with the mission to ouster the old order and forge a new road map for a positive future: A Dream-Nigeria!
By 2007, Rochas Okorocha has built a strong political awareness for himself which instigated his move to run again for the presidential position in the 2007 general election under PDP. To prove his popularity, he came second in the PDP’s primary election after Umaru Musa Yar’Adua. Dissatisfied with the way things are done in PDP both at the state and national levels. Mostly dissatisfied with the way things are done in PDP, Imo State, Rochas decided to join All Progressive Grand Alliance (APGA) in the build-up to the 2011 general election. He was picked to gun for the gubernatorial contest by APGA for Imo State governorship position. And with a landslide victory over his competitors, Owelle Rochas Anayo Okorocha emerged as the undisputed governor of Imo State and was sworn in on May 29, 2011.

Rochas Foundation Education Wing
Rochas Foundation (RF) Group is a non-governmental, non-profit and non-political organisation incorporated in February 1998 in Nigeria, with a firm commitment to charity and philanthropy. The primary focus is to ensure a credible future for Africans by offering free education to indigent Nigerians from the primary level to secondary levels.
The Rochas Foundation College began from Owerri in 2001. Today, it has five colleges at Kano, Jos, Ibadan, Owerri and Ogboko in Imo State; the home town of its founder. The foundation provides free tuition, books, uniforms, boarding and hostel facilities. Free feeding, medicare, transportation and monthly allowances for its students. Additionally, an exchange programme is sponsored by Rochas Foundation for .............. read more @


http://sapostiks..com/2013/06/rochas-okorocha-visionary-leader.html

Umu Igbo kwenu!!

nairalad: ^
If terrorists wants to murder igbos they dont have to follow them to their house. There is a place called sabon gari market I am sure they will kill so many and not just two watching TV in comfort of their rooms. How many Hausas and Muslims died in the hands of Boko Haram? What is special about Igbo?

so manythings are special. Ask me I will tell You.

THE Niger Bridge at Onitsha in Anambra State serves as artery to the commercial hearts of many towns in the South East and some South/ South geo-political zones of Nigeria. It is a link between these zones and many states in the north and west of Nigeria.

It is horrifying that the present state of the bridge put palpable fears in the mind of commuters whenever they are crossing the bridge. People using the bridge are subjected to excruciating experience because of the one lane that is used as against the double lane carriage. The fear is that the double lane carriage, if used, it may lead to the collapse of the bridge. Hence the endless traffic holds up on the bridge which keeps commuters on the road for hours, especially during festive seasons.

The poor state of the bridge has been subject of concern to many citizens from the eastern region and relevant authorities in the country. The bridge which was designed in the 1960s and lies on the critical economic route to the south-east, is carrying traffic far excess to its capacity. Therefore it requires urgent and continuous adequate attention from the authorities concerned.

In 2004 when reports were received about unusual noise and vibration heard and observed by motorist on the Niger Bridge at Onitsha, officials of the Federal Ministry of Works visited the site and discovered that bolts and joints, nuts and some structural members had been removed or vandalised. Further discovery was made in November 2012 when the ministry engaged a private firm to carry out repair works. Many faults like tilted bearing, heavy corrosion and extensive vandalisation of structural members were noticed at the bridge.

However, the strategic position of the Niger Bridge at Onitsha and its deteriorating condition is being exploited by past and present politicians in Nigeria. While campaigning for votes in the south east, Chief Olusegun Obasanjo made promises of fixing the bridge and to build a second Niger Bridge. Sadly to say that all those promises were campaign promises to win votes from the South/East geo-political zones. Throughout the eight years of his government little was done to improve the bridge condition neither was a second bridge built. Just like many of the project embarked by his administration which turns out to be phantom projects or 419 projects, to use the Nigerian phrase. Few days towards the end of Obasanjo’s government, he did an abracadabra with the bridge by going to Onitsha and cutting a tape in which it was claimed that it is a ground breaking event that will herald the construction of the long awaited second Niger Bridge at Onitsha. However, Nigerians were surprised at the revelation made by the minister of works during the regime of late Musa Yar’adua which showed that there was no document in the ministry relating to the award of contract for the second Niger Bridge at Onitsha. The question is if there was no contract for a second bridge why did the former president decide to deceive Nigerians?

One of the promises of late Yaradua’s government was to see the realisation of a second Niger Bridge at Onitsha, not very few saw this as a political promise to curry favour from the South/East geo-political zone for possible future votes. But the late president health challenges and the cold hands of death never allowed him fulfill his promise throughout the three years he was on the seat as president of the nation. Another hope of many commuters was lost as their expectation of seeing their dreams of a second bridge which will ease their painful suffering of having to cross the bridge became a mirage.

Presently, critical works carried out on the bridge has helped to avert its sudden collapse, but observations and monitoring by consultants indicate that erosion and aging are affecting the strength of the bridge. There is a need for regular replacement of more missing bolts, nuts and other metallic elements. Though measures have been put in place to reduce the number of lanes from 4 to 2 in order to reduce stress in some bridge truss, some structural members of the bridge is still vulnerable considering the heavy flow of traffic and the load it is carrying every day. Hence, it is important to build a second Niger Bridge at Onitsha.

The Federal Ministry of Works had expressed their concern on the integrity of the bridge. In 2012 they engaged the services of an engineering consultancy firm to carryout engineering design for the dynamic measurement as well as overall rating of the bridge. Technical inspection with photographic documentation, survey of the substructure, and tests on the different materials on the deck slab and the steel trust elements were carried out. The firm also did investigate the dynamic load tests and global behaviour of the bridge, low strain integrity test on some selected foundation wells to assess the condition of the shaft and the depth of the wells. There was geotechnical and hydraulic study of the bridge and bathymetric survey of the river bed. Analysis of the substructure was carried out to evaluate the pressure that the bridge transfers to the foundation ground both in the actual condition and with the proposed intervention of the foundation.

Further ultrasonic test on steel structural elements needs to be carried out in order to check the material integrity and to detect the depth of cracks. Rockwell hardness test had to be carried out on mechanical properties of steel structural elements and reinforcement bars identified with design requirement.

The consultant engaged by the ministry recommended that the foundation of the bridge should be strengthened with jet grouting treatment, the river banks at the Asaba side of the river is to be protected against erosion with geo textile mattress filled with lean concrete. Complete anti –trust treatment must be carried out and replacement of rusted connections and bolts. Replacement of non-collaborating existing slab with a composite slab made of steel sheets cast in structural concrete. Damaged elements and expansion joints should be replaced and the bridge supports realigned.

It is painful to note that a comprehensive rehabilitation work cannot be carried out on the bridge because of the unavailability of design and drawing of the bridge. In addition there is no maintenance record for more than 50 years now anywhere of previous rehabilitation work carried out on the bridge at Onitsha.

Though the overall rating of the bridge is fair but expert still doubt its integrity because of age and reasons advanced above. In order to avert possible future collapse of the old bridge, work for the second Niger Bridge should be vigorously pursued. It is not enough for Julius Berger to win the contract for the construction of a second Niger Bridge at Onitsha but they should be mobilised and a time frame given to them to complete the work. We have witnessed in this country where contractors won a bid and relocated to site and that was the end of such contract. As the year 2015 approaches, Nigerians do not want politicians to use the construction of a second Niger Bridge at Onitsha as a political campaign issue and make fake promises they have always failed to keep.

If President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan keeps to his promise of delivering a second Niger Bridge at Onitsha to the people of Nigeria, it will be accredited to him forever as a President who worked the talk and the people of Nigeria, especially in the south/East, will support his government 100% now and in the near future. But failure to do any meaningful work at the bridge by the present government will provoke a backlash by the people not only against the president but also the ruling party come 2015.

As Nigerians wait for the delivery of the second bridge, we urge the minister of works, Arc. Mike Oziegbe Onolememen to expedite action on the    rehabilitation works of the old bridge urgently and such work should be carried out from time to time to avert sudden collapse of the bridge and because of the strategic position of the bridge to the country and the age of the bridge.

Immanuelar: i dnt tink dat website is real,i opened two websites with two diff emails nd i was asked to come back in 24hrs 4 verificatn,its nw more dan one week nd dey keep tellin me to check back in 24hrs.

true talk

What is a “Biblical Mystery”?

Everyone loves a mystery, right? You know, one of those “who done it” kind of stories. In the end we all know who did it and why they did it. In a good mystery, the bad guy always gets caught in the end. There is always a happy ending. Well, that’s kind of like the biblical concept of a mystery. In fact, in the biblical mysteries, God is the sole Author and Hero. In the end, our triune God always comes out on top!

A biblical mystery is one of God’s great truths that He has hidden in times past but has now revealed in His New Testament through His holy Apostles and Prophets. The timing is now. The mystery is here. God wants to draw us into it. For example, one of God’s newly revealed mysteries is that th

So what is the true mystery of marriage? What is this newly revealed mystery of marriage that can lift your marriage up and out of the routine and the mundane so that it will reflect God’s image and glory in the world? God reveals this mystery of marriage through His servant, the Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Ephesian Church (Eph. 5:29-32):

After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the Church-for we are members of His body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” [Gen. 2:24]. This is profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the Church.

Marriage for the Christian transcends all of the earthly joys and cares. It actually rises to the heights of Christ and His Church, His living Body composed of all true believers in Him.

In truth, your marriage is designed by God to be a mirror of a greater reality, a reality tha

All this is to say: God wants to use your marriage to reflect His wonder, majesty, and splendor before a world for which Christ died. The mystery of marriage is the awesome privilege of each and every Christian marriage. But remember: Marriage, like any great mystery, is sometimes difficult to unravel while you’re in the middle of it, but you always know that it will all work out in the end!

(1) Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. (2) I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down from heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. (3) And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. (4) He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (5) He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then He said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true” (Rev. 21:1-5).

Your Own Mystery of Marriage
In light of the divine mystery of marriage, prayerfully consider the following questions:

1. Has your marriage truly reflected God’s mystery of marriage in the last six months? If so, how? If not, why not?

2. What areas of your marriage need to improve so that you can truly reflect God’s mystery of marriage? How do you plan on making these improvements in the next six months? Why not pray about this together right now.

3. In what specific areas of your marriage can you thank God for right now, in light of the fact that He has built certain aspects of His mystery into your marriage? Why not thank Him right now. Remember: God desires to use the mystery of your marriage to reflect His glory to the world._______________

http://coolpenny./2013/05/20/the-mystery-of-marriage/

mosun_ade: stop wasting precious time on Nairaland arguing on nonsense.

What nonesense are yoy talking about?

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1 Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

2 Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

3 Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled.

4 Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

5 Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

6 Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

7 Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

8 Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

9 Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.

10 Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness

11 Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

12 Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

13 Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

14 Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

15 Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

16 Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

17 Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

18 Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

19 Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

20 Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.

21 Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

22 Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

23 Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done.

24 Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.

25 Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

26 Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

27 Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.

28 Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

29 Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

30Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.



http://coolpenny./2013/05/13/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

A 3Bedroom flat attached to an uncompleted story building fully Decked. @ Rumuola River State, for 35 million naira asking.
08030879294; 08099227313

4Bedroom flat on a plot of Land with C of O @ Obigbo River State for 35 million asking
08099227313. 08030879294

An uncomplicated 3 Bed room flat on a 2 and Half plot of land @ Iwofe, Obio Akpo LGA River State.For 30 million naira asking. 08030879294. 08099227313

Most would agree that marriage is difficult.  Most would also agree that infidelity seems  rampant in today’s society.  Infidelity may take on different forms such as intimate infidelity and emotional infidelity.  The distinction is made among the types of infidelity because the two types may take on different actions, but the results are the same.  Infidelity creates an atmosphere of pain, distrust, and possible trauma.

 

Many couples are under the misconception that infidelity only occurs when a man and a woman Be Intimate together.  Yet, there are other forms of infidelity such as emotional infidelity.  This type of infidelity is important to address because it can possibly be more damaging than the act of intimate infidelity.

 

It is important to address emotional infidelity so that couples, as well as individuals, maintain a clear understanding about what is considered emotional infidelity, and also the type of damage that may result from infidelity in general.  Emotional infidelity may take on different forms, but in general it is the act of forming an emotional connection with someone outside of one’s formal relationship.  This can take place by engaging in intimate conversations with the opposite sex or someone that one is attracted to.  Emotional infidelity may also take place online via social media, chat rooms, on cellular phones through sexting and texting, and by time spent with someone in secret and building a “friendship” and eventual emotional connection.

 

Many couples may think that talking to someone and spending time with a new friend of the opposite sex is not harmful.  After all it is just conversation, but this misconception can lead to adultery.  The emotional connection that individuals make creates strong ties- sharing feelings about being unhappy in a marriage, sharing intimate fantasies, or even just sharing general likes and desires, and gives the other person leverage into one’s personal life.  This leverage can be used to manipulate a relationships that can eventually lead to a intimate relationship.  For example, the wife who is feeling unappreciated by her husband begins to talk to another man at work, which leads to an innocent lunch and more conversation, which leads to exchanging cell phone numbers, which leads to complete access to one another for late night phone calls and text messages.  This type of situation can easily allow an open door for flirting and acceptance of intimate advances.
 

Spiritual Ramifications of Emotional Infidelity
Research shows that men are more upset by intimate infidelity and women by emotional infidelity.  These sometimes seem like neat little categories of sin which people can discuss in theoretical intellectualized ways, yet we see the consequences of these indiscretions in our counseling offices each week. The offending man may argue that there was no relationship in the affair, so it’s not as bad, while the offending woman may say that it’s ‘just a friendship’ which crossed a few boundaries.  In either case though, we know from James1:14:15 that “each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” Emotional Infidelity often leads to the death of trust, intimacy, future dreams, security for children, and the marital relationship.

 

Infidelity, whether it be intimate or emotional, often begins with a person who has unmet needs.  This is in no way to justify or condone infidelity, but rather to understand some dynamics which predispose people to giving in to the temptation.  We as counselors who work with marital issues could benefit from a ‘needs assessment’ with each of our clients- having them thoughtfully and candidly state their needs and the degree to which they are met.  Hopefully this needs assessment would come before there has been the devastation of infidelity, yet we often deal with the aftermath.  However, as Christians we must also challenge fellow Christians and ourselves to “deny” ourselves (Matthew 16:24) and focus ourselves on pleasing the Lord rather than meeting our needs first.   Once again, we see here what seems like a dichotomous idea, yet we know that Jesus denied himself countless times and ultimately to the point of being on the cross, but he also withdrew from the crowds in Matthew 14 in his grief after the beheading of John the Baptist.

 

These seemingly polarized ideas of meeting our needs and denying ourselves, calling infidelity sin and yet seeking to understand the legitimate need it was seeking to meet, are the challenges we face as Christian counselors.  We must acknowledge legitimate needs and confront the illegitimate ways that we seek to meet those needs, while being biblically consistent in calling infidelity sin, and yet humbly realize that we have much sin in common with the offending spouse.  As we work with those who have committed one form or another of infidelity, we must always remember Luke 7:47 when Jesus told Simon, “who has been forgiven little loves little.” Do we want to love our clients, family and friends deeply? How much have you been forgiven?

 

It is important to remember that infidelity has great consequences both spiritually and intimately with those who are hurt as a result.  One way to protect marriage is to identify how emotional infidelity may appear.

 

Warning Signs

How can one determine if he/she is at risk of committing emotional infidelity?  Here are a few signs:

»     Establishing a relationship with someone of the opposite sex that is private from ones spouse.

»     Excessive texting, calling, or online communication such as social media, chat rooms, or instant messengers.

»     Lunch or dinner dates that are secret in nature (without the spouse’s knowledge).

»     Talking on the phone in private, leaving the room, or closing down computer screens when one’s spouse enters.

»     Disclosing personal information about a marriage, especially if one is unhappy, to strangers of the opposite sex.
http://coolpenny./2013/05/02/emotional-infidelity-the-silent-marriage-killer/