We are Nigerians; we live on the sky in the shadows of the earth. We are good people; after all we are very religious, only our attitudes let us down sometimes. Our heads are nicely capped with Italian shoes and our gloved feet are elegantly shod with bowler hats. Now, aren’t we perfect ladies and gentlemen?

We spend significant years of our lives struggling to outdo one another in a bid to get university education (my struggles paid off after four JAMB UMEs). Our universities have a record of successfully educating us till we attain imbecility; then we are churned out. Decades after graduation, we aren’t gainfully employed and we ask “Why?” the insensitive employers retort with the trite “We need no imbeciles in our establishments.” Trust us, we yell back at them: who are they to slight what we paid for?

We are yet to understand the rationale behind some of our government’s actions, although we know overall, our government is populace-centric. We always wonder why our policemen down south are armed with guns that only accidentally discharge when law-abiding citizens disagree with them over money issues: our unanimous inference is that our government must have inadvertently equipped them with bellicose guns that have intrinsic vampirical proclivities. We don’t blame either party; after all, “Police is Your Friend” is a universal truth. Would our friends kill us over trivias? No! Won't they be lonely upon our demise? Now, we all know that nobody enjoys loneliness, or are they reclusive? Very unlikely. We just have to blame the guns.

A terrorist group up north is perpetrating wanton decimation of our Police Force: they have made them an endangered species. Recent activities reveal that some policemen down south who have been posted up north to protect us from these terrorists are scheming to effect rescissions of their transfer. Is this not a cue for the civilian population to take up the challenge of protecting the police? Our police force needs to tell us first.

Our good government teaches us timeless values. Frequent power outage is the way of reminding us that God created night and day; a balance that must never be upset as a slight imbalance could be calamitous; although most times the lesson we learn is that, “Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining” (our power outage most times attain an uninterrupted status, briefly truncated for minutes per day). Our not-portable roads are meant to teach us that “The Road to Greatness is Not Smooth”. We are good people in this great nation. The hoarding of the nation’s resources is how our security is ensured- we don’t entertain fears of armed robbery attacks. Who will rob a poor person? By looting the resources of our nation, our good leaders make themselves susceptible to muggers in their bid to keep the populace secure. We appreciate their sacrifice and I recommend them for deification: they bear our sins for us. Don't you agree with me?

We do not check our population growth conventionally; we believe it is unethical to deny babies the privileges of taking some whiff of space into their lungs- we are a people with scruples. However, our humanitarian government compensates whoever takes the initiative to send some of us to “The Land Where We Never Grow Old”: MEND militants are on a Salary-For-Life and scholarship scheme; Boko Haram is soon to follow. Here’s a simple question for the unemployed, baccalaureate-waving fraction of the populace who are always taking on our good government; what have you done for your country? We challenge you to take a cue from the afore-mentioned groups and your efforts will not be unrewarded. Hasn’t our government been silently screaming this message all along?

Anomaly is our way of life here; however, we become aberrant when our “thinking shoes” malfunction or when we impulsively unshod our heads, uncap our feet and swap our shoes’ positions with our cap’s; then, we become perverted and see things in a new light, and only then do we agree with Chinua Achebe’s book title, “Things Fall Apart”- that’s our modus operandi.

Haaaaaaaaaa!!!

1supremo ma niqqa, I love you!!!!!

Don't get it twisted

1supremo: Our heads are nicely capped with Italian shoes and our gloved feet are elegantly shod with bowler hats. Now, aren’t we perfect ladies and gentlemen?

A terrorist group up north is perpetrating wanton decimation of our Police Force: they have made them an endangered species. Recent activities reveal that some policemen down south who have been posted up north to protect us from these terrorists are scheming to effect rescissions of their transfer. Is this not a cue for the civilian population to take up the challenge of protecting the police? Our police force needs to tell us first.

Our good government teaches us timeless values. Frequent power outage is the way of reminding us that God created night and day; a balance must never be upset as a slight imbalance could be calamitous; although most times the lesson we learn is that, “Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining” (our power outage most times attain an uninterrupted status, briefly truncated for minutes per day).

Our not-portable roads are meant to teach us that “The Road to Greatness is Not Smooth”.

Classics...

Dude, I just became your number one fan

I suggets you paragraph your work for easier reading. Aside paragraphing, your work is flawless. Et satire du accomplishmente!!

Double thumbs up!! Toes up join sef!!!!

@1Supremo, I was almost getting angry with you...how dare you...then, Et satire du accomplishmente!!(whatever it really means, but i got satire and accomplishment )
Its really nice and true hmmmm, with writers like you, i be; a reader
@Ishilove, hope i aint ganna be charged for plagiarism

Ishilove: I suggest you paragraph your work for easier reading.

Duly observed

sino: Its really nice and true hmmmm, with writers like you, i be; a reader

At your service.

sino:
@Ishilove, hope i aint ganna be charged for plagiarism

Ta, you hereby charged with plagiarism!! Kindly PM me ten thousand naira etisalat recharge card pin to avoid prosecution.

Afterall, even1supremo knows our government taught us some timeless values

My man, you corret!!! Yo skill too much. I don start de laugh from "shodding our feet with bowler hats". I hail you bros. Na corret imbe.cile you be o...... I love your uni no be small!

Ihedinobi: Na corret imbe.cile you be o......

I wish you the same o.

Ihedinobi: I love your uni no be small!

Thanks to the Federal Government of Nigeria.

1supremo:

I wish you the same o.



Thanks to the Federal Government of Nigeria.

Badt guys

Ishilove:
Ta, you hereby charged with plagiarism!! Kindly PM me ten thousand naira etisalat recharge card pin to avoid prosecution.

Afterall, even1supremo knows our government taught us some timeless values

Ha! thank God i have this on record, OK, lets play Faruk and Otedola

sino:
Ha! thank God i have this on record, OK, lets play Faruk and Otedola

After you

Well said.

Nice write up

[size=21pt]@OP Your Head Dey There! [/size]
...[size=18pt]It's TOOOOOOOO MUUUCCHH!!! [/size]

I have just copied and pasted and put it in my archives. Ofcourse, I duly acknowledged it was from main man;1supremo. thumbs up.

Na wa o, see grammar.

[size=146pt]@OP Your Head Dey There! [/size]
...[size=98pt]It's TOOOOOOOO MUUUCCHH!!! [/size]

Nothing new here, d usual rantings from Nlanders

[quote author=1supremo]



A terrorist group up north is perpetrating wanton decimation of our Police Force: they have made them an endangered species. Recent activities reveal that some policemen down south who have been posted up north to protect us from these terrorists are scheming to effect rescissions of their transfer. Is this not [b]a cue for the civilian population to take up the challenge of protecting the police[/b]? Our police force needs to tell us first.

dude, this line is really classic, so why dont you start first by protecting the police? maybe your hefty words will do, but as for me, i have given up on our friend, but as the quote goes, police is your friend. you can protect them, but not me

@ OP, you got me, kai you really got me. More palmoil to ya lips, *sorry naa*, more vaseline to ya hands joo. You too much jare.

Nigeria, a land of paradox.
Joining MEND won't be a bad idea O

Wow, nice write up....fantastic.

So impressed!

Awesome!
Brilliantly written!
Literature @ its best - unfortunately, it's a true-life story[color=#990000][/color]

Mehn...wallahi I love this write up

Thank God for nigeria who make ppl talent to come out.

interesting

You must have put a lot of efforts and time in putting this piece down. Well done.

This stuff is too good for most nairalanders. They'd be pissed you didn't mention any tribe so the ethnic bashing & blame game can start. Well i daresay this masterpiece figures us all out. Our expensive bowler hatted feet & italian leather shoes atop our heads. This is a good read.

this is a so amazing OP this your write up na He Le Le Oo I Love this work!

Good!