ikuoma4rea: Our marriage is almost 2 yrs and we both have a daughter.what annoyed me the last time was me raising my hands on her d very first time and she responded and ℓ̊ almost killed her that day then she stopped talking to me and cooking for me anytime ℓ̊ returened from work.ℓ̊ askd her why she did that by hitting me and her response is that she wil do same if ℓ̊ ever hit her again.ℓ̊ have never been myself since that day usually have problems with me going out and smtimes feels am dating other girls.my hearts bleeds since this whole thing happened btw us.am tired and don't know what to do next.l have apologised to her and she said when she is ready she wil let me know.

I looooooooove your wife!

Ujujoan:

I looooooooove your wife!

But she needs to stop as soon as possible. Dragging conflict over an extended period of time is counter-productive even for her. The time she spends frowning, being angry and unreachable would be better spent healing the wounds that they both have or what do you think?

maclatunji:

But she needs to stop as soon as possible. Dragging conflict over an extended period of time is counter-productive even for her. The time she spends frowning, being angry and unreachable would be better spent healing the wounds that they both have or what do you think?

Well . . . If you say so.

I still love her dou!

Why did you get married when you are not ready to be a responsible adult? You beat her she fought back and you are angry because she defended herself, she should have let you beat her like a dog.
Secondly, when you decide to marry it is not just so you can have a cook and cleaner and a baby factory its because you have found someone who you are willing to Love as Christ loved the church. Look at you life, count the Love Christ shows you and ask yourself if you love and treat your wife the same way.
You want to go and come as you please and expect her to sit quietly and accept that.
There is nothing wrong woth your wife, she has a good head on her shoulders, she knows what she will take and won't take, you are the one who needs to change your attitude, respect is earned and not dashed, you have disrespected yourself by beating her, work and earn her respect once more, forget all the "macho man of the house" ill trained men boast loudly about, its you choice to make your house heaven or hell.
One thing is for sure you can't build hell in your home and expect to live in heaven
Man of the house and head of the home simply means taking charge and making sure all goes well and peaceful at home not shouting and bullying

maclatunji:

But she needs to stop as soon as possible. Dragging conflict over an extended period of time is counter-productive even for her. The time she spends frowning, being angry and unreachable would be better spent healing the wounds that they both have or what do you think?

Mhmmm realy, this hurry up and heal approach? She will at her own time.

@Uju, loove her too! Op needs to be clear here, abuse not tolerated. If then he says that he married a wrong wife, maybe he is right, he should have married a punching bag ooo.

debrief08: Why did you get married when you are not ready to be a responsible adult? You beat her she fought back and you are angry because she defended herself, she should have let you beat her like a dog.
Secondly, when you decide to marry it is not just so you can have a cook and cleaner and a baby factory its because you have found someone who you are willing to Love as Christ loved the church. Look at you life, count the Love Christ shows you and ask yourself if you love and treat your wife the same way.
You want to go and come as you please and expect her to sit quietly and accept that.
There is nothing wrong woth your wife, she has a good head on her shoulders, she knows what she will take and won't take, you are the one who needs to change your attitude, respect is earned and not dashed, you have disrespected yourself by beating her, work and earn her respect once more, forget all the "macho man of the house" ill trained men boast loudly about, its you choice to make your house heaven or hell.
One thing is for sure you can't build hell in your home and expect to live in heaven
Man of the house and head of the home simply means taking
charge and making sure all goes well and peaceful at home not shouting and bullying

@debrief, Well said!!

sweetcheecks:

Mhmmm realy, this hurry up and heal approach? She will at her own time.

@Uju, loove her too! Op needs to be clear here, abuse not tolerated. If then he says that he married a wrong wife, maybe he is right, he should have married a punching bag ooo.

@bolded, obviously. However, by not communicating, she is deepening the rift. You women are harping on physical abuse from the man, what about emotional abuse from the woman?

If the husband is uncomfortable enough to create this thread, it shows that there was something bothering him to take the highly-deplorable action of hitting her. It takes two to tango(especially in this case). If he didn't care about her, he would just go and meet his numerous "female admirers" who are waiting for him to slip for comfort(Yeah, virtually every man has them).

There is need for balance when things like this happen. Yes! Let him know he has done something wrong that you detest but don't think about using that as a weapon. You will end-up hurting yourself too. Don't cut-off your nose to spite your face.

maclatunji:

@bolded, obviously. However, by not communicating, she is deepening the rift. You women are harping on physical abuse from the man, what about emotional abuse from the woman?

If the husband is uncomfortable enough to create this thread, it shows that there was something bothering him to take the highly-deplorable action of hitting her. It takes two to tango(especially in this case). If he didn't care about her, he would just go and meet his numerous "female admirers" who are waiting for him to slip for comfort(Yeah, virtually every man has them).

There is need for balance when things like this happen. Yes! Let him know he has done something wrong that you detest but don't think about using that as a weapon. You will end-up hurting yourself too. Don't cut-off your nose to spite your face.

While you don't cut off your nose to spite your face, you ensure that the lesson is deeply ingrained such that it doesn't repeat itself.

This boy that went into marriage thinking he was a man still doesn't fully understand the folly of his ways. He needs to keep begging till she accepts his apology as punishment for beating his wife! Whatever she demands he should do as the offence he committed is nearly unpardonable.

If he uses the excuse that she is still hurt as a pretext to go frolicking with ladies then he is a bigger phool than I thought initially.

I like sincerity - if she is truly still hurt, rushing her to act like everything is normal is counter productive. It takes more than merely apologising to rebuild the trust and respect he destroyed by beating her that day.

While she should not 'drag' it on for the sake of it, she needs to satisfy herself that he is indeed remorseful, and not simply apologising because he misses hot food when he gets home from work.

maclatunji:

She pushed him to the edge and he lost it (not saying its right, I think every man should invest in a punching bag. Everytime she gets to you, just beat the crap out of the bag, if she has any sense, she will know that those punches were actually meant for her). Sometimes, one thinks love is not enough to be happy in a marriage.

mac, the man didn't say what the wife did before he decided to beat her how did you know that she pushed him to the wall? Please don't have the attitude of joining the side of the husband in every case regardless of whether he is right or wrong.

OP for an abuser you mistakenly married a woman with self esteem, and one that can actually fight. I bet you didn't see the punch coming. Now that you have attempted to beat and it failed miserably. You have to find another means to conflict resolution. Maybe you should try talking this time. Who know the outcome next time for you.lol.

sweetcheecks:

Mhmmm realy, this hurry up and heal approach? She will at her own time.

@Uju, loove her too! Op needs to be clear here, abuse not tolerated. If then he says that he married a wrong wife, maybe he is right, he should have married a punching bag ooo.

maclatunji:

@bolded, obviously. However, by not communicating, she is deepening the rift. You women are harping on physical abuse from the man, what about emotional abuse from the woman?

If the husband is uncomfortable enough to create this thread, it shows that there was something bothering him to take the highly-deplorable action of hitting her. It takes two to tango(especially in this case). If he didn't care about her, he would just go and meet his numerous "female admirers" who are waiting for him to slip for comfort(Yeah, virtually every man has them).

There is need for balance when things like this happen. Yes! Let him know he has done something wrong that you detest but don't think about using that as a weapon. You will end-up hurting yourself too. Don't cut-off your nose to spite your face.

fellis:
mac, the man didn't say what the wife did before he decided to beat her how did you know that she pushed him to the wall? Please don't have the attitude of joining the side of the husband in every case regardless of whether he is right or wrong.

Mac you are muslim right? These two chicks know how to argue with you. You guys are arguing like husband and wife here.

fellis:
mac, the man didn't say what the wife did before he decided to beat her how did you know that she pushed him to the wall? Please don't have the attitude of joining the side of the husband in every case regardless of whether he is right or wrong.

I don't have the idea expressed in the bolded. Just call it my sixth sense. That little thing is hardly ever wrong. OP, oya tell us why you felt you had to hit your wife (painful and embarrassing to you as it might be)? So that I can confirm if my intuition is still on track. (Excuse my selfishness in this your dire condition )

However, your ability to read in-between the lines is err... what's the word? Most impressive.

2mch: OP for an abuser you mistakenly married a woman with self esteem, and one that can actually fight. I bet you didn't see the punch coming. Now that you have attempted to beat and it failed miserably. You have to find another means to conflict resolution. Maybe you should try talking this time. Who know the outcome next time for you.lol.

Mac you are muslim right? These two chicks know how to argue with you. You guys are arguing like husband and wife here.

Woah! I didn't see that coming. I intend to marry one woman and stick with her. She has to be exceptional though. It is like everywhere I turn to this marriage thingy is starring me in the face (because I don't know how you managed to bring that out of this discussion).

By the way, you haven't seen the lady that knows how to argue with me. This is not what you call an argument.

O well, I think someone somewhere beyond all of us is telling me something. Maybe I should listen a little bit and see what comes out of it.

debosky:

While you don't cut off your nose to spite your face, you ensure that the lesson is deeply ingrained such that it doesn't repeat itself.

This boy that went into marriage thinking he was a man still doesn't fully understand the folly of his ways. He needs to keep begging till she accepts his apology as punishment for beating his wife! Whatever she demands he should do as the offence he committed is nearly unpardonable.

If he uses the excuse that she is still hurt as a pretext to go frolicking with ladies then he is a bigger phool than I thought initially.

I like sincerity - if she is truly still hurt, rushing her to act like everything is normal is counter productive. It takes more than merely apologising to rebuild the trust and respect he destroyed by beating her that day.

While she should not 'drag' it on for the sake of it, she needs to satisfy herself that he is indeed remorseful, and not simply apologising because he misses hot food when he gets home from work.

Well said!

I am just trying to accelerate peace between a man and his wife. There's hardly anything anyone can do on this earth that is better than that.

If OP, loves his wife half-the-way I think he does, trust me he is in a very bad place because he will hate himself more than she hates him. By the way, what is this deal about men being held to ransom with food? Virtually impossible with me- I will cook for myself and her- Na my food go finish the fight

ikuoma4rea: Our marriage is almost 2 yrs and we both have a daughter.what annoyed me the last time was me raising my hands on her d very first time and she responded and ℓ̊ almost killed her that day then she stopped talking to me and cooking for me anytime ℓ̊ returened from work.ℓ̊ askd her why she did that by hitting me and her response is that she wil do same if ℓ̊ ever hit her again.ℓ̊ have never been myself since that day usually have problems with me going out and smtimes feels am dating other girls.my hearts bleeds since this whole thing happened btw us.am tired and don't know what to do next.l have apologised to her and she said when she is ready she wil let me know.

Even if she provoked you, you should have tried to restrain yourself. I do agree that women can provoke with their tongue sha.

Ladilgs:

Even if she provoked you, you should have tried to restrain yourself. I do agree that women can provoke with their tongue sha.

You know now.

ikuoma4rea: Married men,hw do u cope with a wife who never says she is sorry even when she is wrong.Rained words on me as if she runs d home.am wondering if ℓ̊ got married to the wrong woman.ur advise ppls

leave the house for her......
take 2 weeks sick leave and travel far......if she doesn't call you back in 5 days begging you to come back home, i would refund your travel expenses! you are a man, stand your ground, your woman has no right to rain abuses on you - she would not do it to her male siblings - never ever allow any woman to treat you like crap. the next time you get into argument with her and she goes verbally abusive, pack your bags and give her time to assess herself!

coogar:

leave the house for her......
take 2 weeks sick leave and travel far......if she doesn't call you back in 5 days begging you to come back home, i would refund your travel expenses! you are a man, stand your ground, your woman has no right to rain abuses on you - she would not do it to her male siblings - never ever allow any woman to treat you like crap. the next time you get into argument with her and she goes verbally abuse, pack your bags and give her time to assess herself!

LMFSO! See another dimension.

chaircover:

Dont mind that coogar o!! he is a naughty boy

that is a bad bad dimension and that is emotional warfare. To me that is one of the worst offenses that my man can do to me and any man that does that will be instantly demoted in my heart chamber. I dont play with emotional blackmail.

i am sure it cannot be worse than a man trading verbal abuse with you or getting physical.
while you are busy ripping him to shreds with your tongue, he is packing his shaving kit, clothes, few shoes and his phone chargers.......he gets into his car and zooms off without uttering a word to you! you mean you don't want such a peaceful man? a man that can be calm and composed under pressure?

chaircover: [s] . . . and when he returns he will find 2 nice long marks along both sides of his car[/s]

The best you will get is a sit down in the garden for 15 minutes to cool your temper; anything longer than that by the time I start crying and calling my late dads name no one will tell you to come and beg me

Ok Ok Ok I know its emotional warfare on my side too but a woman has got to do what a woman has to do

same as the man.........we have to protect ourselves too. we cannot tongue-lash and we cannot beat our spouses! in the absence of physical warfare, emotional warfare becomes the weapon of choice!

chaircover:

A 2 week AWOL emotional warfare stint is a handshake past the elbow. Asheju niyen

48 hrs then!

maclatunji:

Well said!

I am just trying to accelerate peace between a man and his wife. There's hardly anything anyone can do on this earth that is better than that.

If OP, loves his wife half-the-way I think he does, trust me he is in a very bad place because he will hate himself more than she hates him. By the way, what is this deal about men being held to ransom with food? Virtually impossible with me- I will
cook for myself and her- Na my food go finish the fight

Did you say accelerate? We are not dealing with machinery here but a heart and trust that was broken, these are emotional issues. Maybe you have never heard that only time heal all wounds. If Op would preasure the wife to quickly forgive and forget that will couse even more delays to healing, coz she will think he does not understand the severity of the matter.

sweetcheecks:

Did you say accelerate? We are not dealing with machinery here but a heart and trust that was broken, these are emotional issues. Maybe you have never heard that only time heal all wounds. If Op would preasure the wife to quickly forgive and forget that will couse even more delays to healing, coz she will think he does not understand the severity of the matter.

I know what you mean but at least she should allow him to try to make-it-up to her now. When will she descend from her high-pedestal? The year 2050?

bro, in marriage the 2 greatest virtues u must inculcate is patience and forgiveness.
u must learn 2 4give all the time and be patience as change doesnt take place in a day

call her or wake her up by 12 midnight, tell her u love her thats why of all d gals u dated she won ur heart 2 be ur wifey. let her no how ur ve been hurt bt apologise 2 her 4 touching her promising it wnt happen again.only a coward my dad told me beats his wife no matter d provocation.

goodluck

Maclatunji,

When the guy beat the wife, What did you expect the wife to do in that instant?

@maclatunji, put urself in place of dt woman and tell us what u will do,pls be sincere,maybe, fold ur hands and continuing enjoying d beating or betterstill, kneel down to enjoy d beating, abeg, d man suppose don understand his wife jare, dt's her d "most unacceptable" thing in marriage 4 her, d earlier d man knows dt, d better 4 him.
@ dayo, thanks 4 asking mac dt question.
@ fellis, well said
@ debrief, well said
@op, grow up!!!!!!

Another criteria for settlement frm her is that ℓ̊ will sign an undertaking that ℓ̊ will always return to the house frm work lastest 8pm or 9pm.where ℓ̊ leave its vry possible tops less than 45mins ℓ̊ should be home.but pple are u sure she is not going to far and try to enslave me.am really confused here or for peace sake ℓ̊ should accept that.ℓ̊ think by accepting is giving her leverage over evrytin bt ℓ̊ am stiL the man of the house.ur candid adise plss.by signin that for me means my authority is bn tampered with.yet to even say a word to her.

ikuoma4rea: Another criteria for settlement frm her is that ℓ̊ will sign an undertaking that ℓ̊ will always return to the house frm work lastest 8pm or 9pm.where ℓ̊ leave its vry possible tops less than 45mins ℓ̊ should be home.but pple are u sure she is not going to far and try to enslave me.am really confused here or for peace sake ℓ̊ should accept that.ℓ̊ think by accepting is giving her leverage over evrytin bt ℓ̊ am stiL the man of the house.ur candid adise plss.by signin that for me means my authority is bn tampered with.yet to even say a word to her.

That is serious EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL. Madam CC....oya come and hear this o!!!!
Don't sign anything. Next she will say you sign your car away to her all weekends too? What if you breach the "contract" what will she do? This is not good at all. If a simple sorry can not do then stop begging her joor. I HATE women who take their men for a ride just because he is trying to get back their attention. Don't beg her anymore. Just be yourself and never lay ur hands on her again. She has a weapon already....don't add to it.
Kai....this woman must wanna enslave this man!
Shior!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the op's wife!!

Demand respect!! She prolly can sense that d op is already eyeing other girls, let him sign that undertaken woman!

No coming back after 9:45pm latest!!