In some countries, the wives work while the husbands are sit at home dads.
If a husband does not have a job and his wife does, they ll just have to switch responsibilities, but its not to say the man has to forfeit his 'head' position.
The main problem is going to be the man leaving the chores, kids and house keeping to the wife. I mean he's gotta make himself useful in some way

In our traditional Urhobo Culture the men are usually lazy and its the women who are the breadwinners of the house, but the man is still the king of the castle and makes all the major decisions.

by manmustwac

In our traditional Urhobo Culture the men are usually lazy and its the women who are the breadwinners of the house, but the man is still the king of the castle and makes all the major decisions.

It's in every culture. Some of my people marry dozens of women and send them out to carry loads in the market and also give them ultimatum to bring home big dividends at the end of the day for the man's upkeep and not his children. I can't generalize and call yoruba men lazy because of that because of a few miscreants. So I think you are wrong by saying that urhobo men are lazy because i know many that are not.

nigeria1 I'm still trying to see a correlation between this topic and the repitition of black, black, black.

He respects no decision of the woman, always making noise; am the head of this house/family and u must respect me, my decision stand, if i say no u must comply!! . . . inf act it pisses me off!

Yes we know as a man you're the head of the family but does that mean the wife's opinion doesn't matter?

In Africa, he is the head of his family regardless of no job. But other countries like USA, wife is the head of the house and breadwinner while husband is jobless, lazy, or househusband.

Only a foul will call himself the head of a family when he is nothing but a burden to his wife and children

Someone said if he has the tools down there with the right size he remains the head of the family,what a stupid statement to make,if that is so, why not go around puting his tools with its right sizes inbetween the legs of everywoman/prostitutes and claim to be the head of the women world.

He need to eat food so as to have the energy to put his Sizable tool in good use,and food can only be acquired with money,so you can see if he can't work means no food for him and that his useless tool becomes invaluable.

There's nothing African about a man being the head of the family. That is the original plan for the whole of humanity!
God created ADAM and gave him all the rules. even when he failed, he was still the head.

You better get that into your skull so you can live a stress free life with your husband, instead of trying to be what you are not created to be.

'The downfall of a man is not the end of his life'

For the fact that he is jobless does not mean that he should be under his wife.

@NigeriaOne

I don't understand what you are talking about. But I do understand that I am responding to what the poster posted. Are you telling me that the blacks in US are as lazy and as irresponsible as the man in question? Or why are you contributing out of context?

Dont also forget that I am talking of the commandment of God from Christianity point of view.

We seem to forget that you earn any position. It is not thrown to you on a platter of gold. Christ earn the headship of the Church. Adam earn the headship of Eve. And even if it is thrown to you, you must labour to preserve it.  Marriage is ordained by God and we should obey his commandment irrespective of what is going on in the world today.

It is the direct of God that the husband must undertake the principal part of the government of the whole family, even of the wife herself. And therefore, he must labor to be fit and able for that government which he undertakes.

If he is challenged along the line, it is a different keg of gunpowder and everybody will see and understand. It will not be like our man here that was described as lazy and refused to go out and "hustle".  Head, my a*s.

Like I said before, there is more to manhood and fatherhood than siring children. There is more to headship that being endowed with a long and tubby one-eyed snake (aka gazunga) in between your legs: the head should be the chief provider for the family, whether here in Nigeria, in US, or even in the moon. Chikena.

@topic

This thread sounds like something one of these Oprah groupies would start.

The head is and will always remain the head regardless of nothing.

If the man has no job, is lazy, and all worth it still does not take away nothing from him with regards to his position as the head. I believe that the bible has a passage that says "The man is the head of the family/woman just as christ is the head of the church". You ladies you should quit trying to assume a position that is out of your reach/job description.

A mans position in the house as the breadwinner can be substituted/transferred to the wife, but the position as the head can never be transferred. He paid the damned bride price, you bear his name, so you remain his subordinate as long as you remain in that marriage.

Men with no jobs can contribute to the household in other ways other than money. If the man is lazy that is another issue entirely.

I'm sorry ladies but it still remains A MANS WORLD, deal with it.

@vassilli & hbrednic

my advice for u guys; b4 u critisize, read thoroughly ok. I hardly make friends talk of going into someone's marriage affairs.  This couple happen to live in the same flat with us and we're on the same floor and whatever argument that goes on btn them is heard everywhere cus the so-called head of the family is always shouting.

Fighting for the head does not piss me off that much, but the disturbance, his noisy attitudes is kainda abnormal. I care the less if he n his wife eat each other up!

I only asked a simple question. . . u answer or leave it unanswered!!

With due respect, most nairalanders on this thread are ignorant of the divine principles that keep the home. The Founder of marriage is God and it is only with His system that it works- nothing else. This may surprise you : GOD IS THE HEAD OF THE MAN, MAN IS THE HEAD OF HIS WIFE WHILE THE WIFE IS THE HEAD OF THE HOME! Therefore regardless of your experiences and qualifications, the benchmark standard still remains that any man who tries to function as BOTH the head of his wife and also the head of his home will never succeed. This accounts for the countless failed marriages and broken homes in africa, america etc.

If a man does not submit to God, he has no Head, if a wife does not submit to her own husband, she has no Head, and if a home (children, relatives, visitors etc) does not submit to the wife, that home lacks a Head. Everyone has been packaged to be a Head in a particular capacity whether employed, self-employed or unemployed. I have a free e-book for nairalanders titled " HOW TO BUILD SUBMISSION IN ANY WOMAN"

yes! he still is the head, by Gods standard. but if he's arrogant and nasty, he's just not being appriciative of the wife and more over, it is as a result of inferiority and just wanting to be noticed. but he is rahter doing it foolishly. these could even lead to the nursing funny fellings.

A jobless man is a spineless man: He has no way of executing his societal,marital and financial responsibilities.

I think, the point of the post for many, has been misconstrued. A lot of men like to get defensive when people start discussing whether a man is the head of the home or not. That is not the issue here

Also most females here are not saying that if a man does not have a job he is not head of the home (even though the title post may suggest so she explained herself in her post anyway)

The issue here is why would a man decide to marry a woman so he can sit at home and be lazy? If he was a house husband fine! But no he is allowing his wife to still do all the housework and everything.

DO you know there are some men who will get up in the morning whilst their wife is getting ready for work, order their wife to make them breakfast, set their clothes and make their bath. Then the wife will get the kids dressed, ready for school (wash, clothe, feed, pack their lunchboxes and and school books), sweep the whole house, drive them to school. Then go to work, maybe even work two jobs to compensate for the mans joblessness. Branch from work and buy fuel for gen, pick up the children from school, come home pour the fuel in the gen, pay Nepa and any other bill, fetch water, cook food for her husband who by now is bellowing that he does not want to eat the food in the fridge, start ironing the clothes for tomorrow, washing clothes and bedsheets by hand, making sure the childrens homework and school work is up to scratch, go and pick up any materials from shops that the school has said the child needs for a new project or get some provisions for boarding school. Then the man will cal her to find the remote and newspaper (that he is sitting under), she will answer the phone, she may need to go to market for more food and drink, she will set the night bath for the husband, he will ask her to give him her salary then divide it and give her the rest, when he asks her why the money is reduced (because she paid bills first and bought food) and she is only giving him her pay after she has spent some she may even receive insult and physcial abuse for not consulting him first as the head of the household. Yet if nepa cut the cable, he would scold her for not paying the bill.

IS THIS WHAT GOD INTENDED?

Please oh, if a man is man he should not want any human being to have to go through this in one day, every day, for the rest of her life, especiall ythier wife - this is torture. The least he can do is to help out in the home or to try to find work (even if it takes 20 years she will atleast feel he is not allwoing her to go through this out of wickedness) or better still both. My fear is that some men use this 'head of the family' brand as an excuse for unecessary cruelty. They may spend the day drinking and eating and watching TV, or even sitting at the local bar or smoking marijuana or bring their friends over to watch TV and she serves his friends too whilst he insults her about the food being too salty.

God did say Adam would rule over Eve, but he also said he would work all is life toiling for that bread/money and care for his family those were the terms. So if his toil is to help his wife, while SHE personally earns that money I personally can accept that (i.e. being a househusband) and would still class him head of the household but if he does not toil (is 100% lazy) and only adds to the womans burden, ask God if he deserves that title.

Some men, it seems, get married simply to have someone to rule over and do everything for them, another form of slavery. That was not what my God ordained.

Review what it says in the bible about laziness. The issue is not even his claim of head for me, he should get up and do something, anything helpful!  

Nice one from ell77 in fact am clapping for u o take this

ify_aidee, thx.

SOJ. . . say that again man.

father ab, i need that e-book Sir.

mail me
olaworenet@yahoo.co.uk plz , anything

@efuah - thanks, I just don't like it when people twist things to their own advantage and forget the parts they don't want to consider. Most likely, this story does not compare to any man on this post, I assume they are all atleast searching for work, but many are so quick to defend the man. If the woman dies tomorrow, that family is finished. What will he and his kids do? The next thing will be for him to sell his daughters to old babas to feed himself and sell his sons to be houseboys.

Instead of him to increase his wife's life he might just be diminishing it. Obviously I don't know this guy but i know guys who have done such. It is terrible.

Men that are not employed may not really claim to be the head of the family cos he will be at home most of the time and he's expected to do all the house chores before his wife comes back from work which has turned him to an houseboy.
I think men should be gainfully employed no matter how little cos the bible says a man that fails to provide for his house is worse than an infidel.
I pray God will provide meaningful jobs to all the guyz in the house

Julianah:

Men that are not employed may not really claim to be the head of the family because he will be at home most of the time and he's expected to do all the house chores before his wife comes back from work which has turned him to an houseboy.

Point of correction, there Juliana. That a man helps with house chores DOES NOT make him a houseboy.

@topic
I can't say more than ell77 and efuah have said. They have put it PRECISELY as it is. A man not having a job is not a crime but a man not willing ot have or seek a job is def'ntly an unforgivable one. He is a FIGURE HEAD.
LOL.

Yes!!! I think a jobless man is still the head of his family because even the bible says that women are supposed to subject themselvesto thier husbands. So even if the wife is employed and the man is idle, she is still expected to respect the husband even as she would do if he was employed.

delighty:

Yes!!! I think a jobless man is still the head of his family because even the bible says that women are supposed to subject themselvesto their husbands. So even if the wife is employed and the man is idle, she is still expected to respect the husband even as she would do if he was employed.

Maybe you need to marry such a man, so you will understand the significance of what you just said. No one is talking about disrespecting the man. But what does the bible say about lazines?

@ell77
I quite agree that a man not being able to meet up with his family responsibilities is not good. Infact such a man as u illustrated in ur reply should be a shame to manhood.

But let's face a simplle fact, the issue of a Man's headship of the Home is a natural and God ordained status without any clause/strings whatsoever attatched to it. As u pointed out, God said Adam should suffer and toil to make ends meet (probabbly for his wife and children), God did not say that is the condition for Him to be the head of the family, that was a judgement for his sin , not a condition before he heads his family.

That the first son in a family is jobless and financially incapacitated, does that make him no longer the first son of the family?

@gentlelegg - yes you are right about Adam's toil being a punishment for his sin, but Eve being ruled over was also a punishment for her sin. Before that she was not to be ruled over, she was a helper for Adam and the two roles are distinct. Read Genesis.

The first son example you explained does not fit the story. Unless you are saying bein the the HEAD is merely a title and not also a role. So which one is it? I thought it was both. Answer me, if this woman falls ill, dies or leaves him how will he eat? I don't make it a rule of fighting over titles, only how people are treated.

If a man abdicate the responsiblities that goes with the tittle of a "head of the family", automatically he will lose the priviledges that goes with it, 'because for every priviledge, there is a responsibilty.
Until he can perform his reponsibility of providing for his family, he lose all priviledges including the tittle of "head of the family".

My prayer is that no man will forever be in such a position.

ell77 welcome darl. . . in fact i hail u

real_demi:

Point of correction, there Juliana. That a man helps with house chores DOES NOT make him a houseboy.

@topic
I can't say more than ell77 and efuah have said. They have put it PRECISELY as it is. A man not having a job is not a crime but a man not willing ot have or seek a job is def'ntly an unforgivable one. He is a FIGURE HEAD.
LOL.

you're right sis. . . i see no slavery or disrespect in a man helping in the house chores.
I think i will go with the FIGURE HEAD thingy. . . not the REAL HEAD LOL

ilugunboy:

My prayer is that no man will forever be in such a position.

Amen!

I pray to GOD to give me a car before the end of 2007, if that prayer is not answered at the end of the year, will GOD seize to be GOD

ell77:

Maybe you need to marry such a man, so you will understand the significance of what you just said. No one is talking about disrespecting the man. But what does the bible say about laziness?

You guys will not fail to amuse me. How come it is now they saw the "spirit of laziness" in the man
When she was getting married to the guy, then he had a job and money was streaming in, there was no problem.
This might just be a period of transition for him, afterall the wife did not give him his first job

Dalby:

I pray to GOD to give me a car before the end of 2007, if that prayer is not answered at the end of the year, will GOD seize to be GOD

Is that an attempt to compare yourself to God? God created me, my husband did not!

Please post things that make sense, this is actually a serious issue, many women suffer because of men like this. I am thankful the majority of Nigerian men I have met are not like this but I pray that these men will seek to do the right thing always. How will Nigeria progress if people subject themselves to such acts of laziness and cruelty?

Ok Obasanjo was the ruler of our country. If you were given the chance to remove him from power a year early would you not have done it? As far as I am concerned some titles mean different thngs when given to different men and it is up to the man to distinguish what they mean - the title can merely be a title and nothing more (a simple sign of pride and vanity-which i care nothing about) or it can be an indication of the role that person plays (rights and responsibilities alike-which i do care about). We have had many leaders, but no true leader. You can always be the head of the family, but not all men are the true heads of their family (or even know what it entails). Since OBJ was president people should agree with eveything he did including stealing money, the same goes for our governers of state, why investigate them, leave them to do what they were doing after all, they are the heads and we must be submissive to them!

Some men have no intention of working and promise their wives heaven and earth, then they don't stick to them as soon as they marry, knowing the wife will not divorce because she does not believe in divorce and loves him. I have seen these things with my own eyes. Dalby, please don't treat your wife like that.