chic2pimp:

I am surprised that post hasn't got more than 5 likes. Sillier posts than that have gotten more Likes" so nothing surprises me anymore.
Those are the Men we call "Real Men". Men that would say anything just as along as it pleases women folk.
Unfortunately that's what quite a number of Men have been reduced to these days.

coogar:

you have clearly shown the reason why your husband abused you - i am sorry for your future.....i would be embarrassed to have you as a wife too - hell, your kids would be embarrassed to have you as a mother! you're crass - there's no sign you have ever been married - no decorum, no class, no honour, no aura - you are just a specimen that was belched out of the cünt of an animal!

ileobatojo:
What a classy post. Nothing but pure class I tell ya.

coogar:

and this is why today's marriages are shyte!
men with no cojones, men who cannot stand as men, men who get remote-controlled by family members or friends - how would such men take hold of their families! i am afraid, it's not going to get any better.........

chic2pimp:

A sad and sorry state of affairs I tell ya.
Definitely not going to get better rather it'll get worse.

Ihedinobi: Meh, no be say na talk, some people get serious issues o.

Anyhow, I'm really interested to hear any solution to abuse other than divorce. What else can a victim of abuse do to beat abuse? Any taker?

Efemena_xy: Never a dull moment on nland.

warrior01:
No! It's better we start with the remote and immediate causes of the abuse. You don't tell me the 'angel' you got married to just suddenly turned to a beast without no just cause. One way or the other the 'abused' equally contributed to the failure of the marriage unless we all choose not to tell ourselves the basic truth.

coogar:

na people like you i pity....
i am forever tied with tpia - and what a lovely relationship we have. she's like the traditional nigerian wife....no blender, no coffee maker, no washing machine....everything is done manually! you got to envy me - don't cha wish your girlfriend was just like mine?

warrior01:
No! It's better we start with the remote and immediate causes of the abuse. You don't tell me the 'angel' you got married to just suddenly turned to a beast without no just cause. One way or the other the 'abused' equally contributed to the failure of the marriage unless we all choose not to tell ourselves the basic truth.

chic2pimp:

I am surprised that post hasn't got more than 5 likes. Sillier posts than that have gotten more Likes" so nothing surprises me anymore.
Those are the Men we call "Real Men". Men that would say anything just as along as it pleases women folk.
Unfortunately that's what quite a number of Men have been reduced to these days.

chic2pimp:


Me Envy u ke? Not when I've got the sumptuous Ileke Idi at my beck and call.
Abeg leave that tory for another day .
Also while u are at it, can u get Tpia to give her Interview? We all are waiting

Ihedinobi:

Honestly, this approach is getting tiresome. I don't know if you guys bothered to read through the thread at all. You appear to have just jumped straight into multiplying posts. It's already been dealt with what the possible causes of abuse were.

To reiterate,

1. failing to see and appreciate the warning signs of a potential abuser before marrying them;

2. not knowing what one's correct self-worth is;

3. starting the abuse oneself

among others that I'm sure you'll sift out reading through the thread.

Now you know some of the causes, can you help with the solutions?

coogar:
"my husband is a bully but i am not blameless as well - i once made so and so mistakes but he overreacted and he physically abused me!" people would relate with such - the cause and effect would be analysed and the mistakes made would be corrected!

but trust the women here to twist the story - they did nothing at all - the man just got bewitched by demons - woke up one sunny afternoon and the beating started - and they expect intellectuals to take them serious.....they expect to seek solution from their dodgy stories - some women have so much to learn!

chic2pimp:

I am surprised that post hasn't got more than 5 likes. Sillier posts than that have gotten more Likes" so nothing surprises me anymore.
Those are the Men we call "Real Men". Men that would say anything just as along as it pleases women folk.
Unfortunately that's what quite a number of Men have been reduced to these days.

chic2pimp:

I am surprised that post hasn't got more than 5 likes. Sillier posts than that have gotten more Likes" so nothing surprises me anymore.
Those are the Men we call "Real Men". Men that would say anything just as along as it pleases women folk.
Unfortunately that's what quite a number of Men have been reduced to these days.

davidylan: Really interesting thread.

However it really is so so sad to realize how much abuse a lot of women take just for the sake of the "girlfriend" or "wife" title. Really my sisters, it is OK to be single until you meet the right man. How on earth do you all put up with such abuse for so long? Amazing! I've actually seen women who justify abuse with "oh he's just showing how much he loves me".

My dear - a REAL man who loves you will trust you, give you the wings to fly and stand beside you through thick and thin. A real man is secure in your love for him, he doesnt need to run through your phone, kick you off facebook or literarily rule your life to keep you in check.

Ihedinobi:

Go make your own thread where you can blame the abused, my friend. You guys have gotten too boring here.

warrior01:
We are yet to read/discuss the roles played by the 'abused' cos there is no smoke without fire. Pls don't tell they don't have a share in the blame.

davidylan:

Fa fa fa foul! Bro... there is nothing a woman does to you to justify physical and emotional abuse. It is this kind of thinking that has empowered the nigerian man to do and undo. Ok so she made a mistake... and the way to correct it is to refuse to speak to her for days, beat her and refuse to eat her food? What solution did that bring and how has that strengthened the marriage? I like to live with one simple motto - if your woman has to walk on eggshells around you then there is a serious problem.

Ihedinobi:

I'm really sorry that you made this comment. When I saw your first post questioning coogar, I thought you were going to call him to order. He answered you with a quote of my post from which he'd made the incredible deduction that you questioned, and you say this?

Is there some way to equate "men are more likely . . ." to "men are always the culprit" that I don't know about?

There's a real and correct reason for which I ignore that little guy. I don't believe that I have to have the last word to be correct and I don't believe in wasting energy educating an empty skull. I am addressing you because there's a chance you honestly missed the discrepancies in his arguments and are swayed by sentiments.

coogar:

sharrap dia!
there was no warning signal - the husband just woke up one day and decided the beating must start to fulfil his marital duties. you hear some of these stories and you cannot but say wow! angels don't just become demons overnight - there's a process!

if i have to check my girl's emails/texts/imessages to be sure she's not cheating then she's not worth it! however, women see these obsessive/possessive behaviour and still forge ahead. i have been accused before by one yeye chic that it's because i don't care for her that i am nonchalant about the messages on her phone....

coogar:

don't get your wires crossed....
where in my missive did i say any abuse can be justified? the point in my post is there's no action without a reaction.....when women are relating their stories - it's imperative to state their own faults as well. you can only find the solution when the case is factual not when it is one-sided! a woman who keeps hiding her own share of irresponsibility is not helping herself - she would only carryover her habit(which would have been corrected if she had mentioned it) into the next relationship and the vicious cycle is restored!

davidylan:

Wrong again bro.
Most times there really is no process. I have seen perfectly submissive women willing to go above and beyond being terribly abused by men who mask their own insecurity with violence. A violent individual is a violent individual... sometimes they dont need a trigger.

I once dated a girl who came out of a long and abusive relationship. I didnt realize how bad she had it until i noticed that each time i lifted my hands close to her or raised my voice a notch she would flinch and run. It took over a year of gentle help to get her back to almost normal and help her realize not every man is a beast. This girl was GOOD with a capital G. Very submissive, would do anything for me and very very loyal. Yes she had her issues but who doesnt?

I have to agree with you on the warning signals... some women are either blind or too immature to be in relationships. It shouldnt take you 2 weeks to notice controlling traits in a man you're dating... at that point you really should flee rather than seeing things from rose-colored glasses.

davidylan:
Appalling. Are you kidding me?
What fault justifies a man flogging his wife like a 6-yr old?

davidylan:
Wrong again bro.
Most times there really is no process. I have seen perfectly submissive women willing to go above and beyond being terribly abused by men who mask their own insecurity with violence. A violent individual is a violent individual... sometimes they dont need a trigger.

I once dated a girl who came out of a long and abusive relationship. I didnt realize how bad she had it until i noticed that each time i lifted my hands close to her or raised my voice a notch she would flinch and run. It took over a year of gentle help to get her back to almost normal and help her realize not every man is a beast. This girl was GOOD with a capital G. Very submissive, would do anything for me and very very loyal. Yes she had her issues but who doesnt?

coogar: come on, mate!
i only pointed out physical abuse isn't the only form of domestic abuse! a woman who uses her tongue to "dress down" her partner is abusing him too! your premise about physical size becomes an otiose remark if you consider other forms of abuse in a domestic setting!

Ihedinobi:

I think we both know that there was no need to point any such thing out, if indeed that was what you were doing. There was never any argument against the fact that other forms of abuse besides the physical exist or the fact that men could be victims too.

coogar:
if she cheats on him for instance......

coogar:
i refuse to believe this......you probably get moved with the tears of a woman when she tells you porkies - i don't! being submissive does not guarantee she won't get abused. a woman who is submissive and then cheats on her husband is not risking spousal abuse or what are you saying? how many of these women would then open up to you about what they did? it's when you subject them to lie detector tests that you see why some women get battered - i don't justify any form of abuse - God forbid it but if a woman is not 100% truthful about what went down then she would never be helped!

coogar:
why don't you push the envelope and find out what went down from her ex? that she was submissive to you does not mean she was like that in her previous relationship! abeg, get some perspective! there's always 2 sides to a story - more often than not we tend to see one side and form our opinion on it and i am telling you it's wrong!

davidylan:
Now we're going to the extreme. This is not the case with most women to be honest and even if this were the case, shouldnt the man simply put her away rather than beating her up?

Nah, you truly need to come across some men to realize that sometimes an offence as simple as breaking a cup will elicit a severe beating.

True. But the one thing i learnt is that a woman will be submissive to you if she respects you, can depend on you being the leader in the relationship, trusts you enough to know that you will not use her weaknesses as a tool to manipulate her with. Its very simple... sometimes you do need to lead a woman by example rather than with your fists.