I was her first guy and we dated 3 yrs b4 I left Nigeria. She really loves me and I very much loved her before I left Nigeria I already made up my mind to marry her. My problem with her is that she is too reserve and does not know how to relate with both my friends and family. and sometimes she take for granted little things that she knows i take very serious. She always keep saying sorry for things she suppose to do and even after saying sorry she does not take the correction until I get angry with her. For these and some few reasons I decided to call it a quit. Ever since I explained to her How we cannot cope together and the reason we should break up... she felt very bad and was down for so long after almost three month she kept calling and begging me and trying to do all the things that caused the problem, but I still kept mute.... she is still saying she cannot do without me.
Do I still give her a chance as this is the second time we are having such problem? She is decent homely and ready to learn but I think I got very tired of her slow way of learning and her unsociable attitude.
Am very far away from Nigeria and may even find it difficult to get any Nigerian Girl except from online or any form of arrangement which I strongly would not take as an option. As for settling wit Oyinbo it is also not an option for me.
Since she is still begging and saying she cannot do without me, does taking her back mean just pity or do I just let her Go? useful and logical advice would be welcome.....Thanks

If you are willing to accept her and her shortcomings,you can take her back.

But bear in mind that if you cant cope with those attitudes she puts up socially(and in other areas that you have issues with) you will only be left dissapointed for the rest of your life.

Love is not just sufficient to have a happy marriage(ask those who are divorce,they still love each other but they cant live with each other).

The question is then simple,can you put up with her attitudes.


My2Cent:Never marry anyone out of pity,you only marry a person because you have a deep conviction you should.

rkout4luv: I was her first guy and we dated 3 yrs b4 I left Nigeria. She really loves me and I very much loved her before I left Nigeria I already made up my mind to marry her. My problem with her is that she is too reserve and does not know how to relate with both my friends and family. and sometimes she take for granted little things that she knows i take very serious. She always keep saying sorry for things she suppose to do and even after saying sorry she does not take the correction until I get angry with her. For these and some few reasons I decided to call it a quit. Ever since I explained to her How we cannot cope together and the reason we should break up... she felt very bad and was down for so long after almost three month she kept calling and begging me and trying to do all the things that caused the problem, but I still kept mute.... she is still saying she cannot do without me.
Do I still give her a chance as this is the second time we are having such problem? She is decent homely and ready to learn but I think I got very tired of her slow way of learning and her unsociable attitude.
Am very far away from Nigeria and may even find it difficult to get any Nigerian Girl except from online or any form of arrangement which I strongly would not take as an option. As for settling wit Oyinbo it is also not an option for me.
Since she is still begging and saying she cannot do without me, does taking her back mean just pity or do I just let her Go? useful and logical advice would be welcome.....Thanks

There is one thing I tell people about getting together, and that is the fact that in going into a marriage with someone, you will have to convince yourself through and through that you really love the person and would like to spend the rest of your life with the person. Also, you should appreciate the person's virtues and be able to live or tolerate the person's shortcomings or vices. This is where everything is based one. If within you, you are not ready to tolerate the person's shortcomings, then its advisable that you don't venture into that union with the person. Its very hard to change a typical melancholy, so don't even think you can change her from being the secretive type and someone that loves standing aloof. Anywayz, if you really love her and you are able to brace yourself up and accept her flaws, then I will encourage to accept her back and try as much as you can to take things easy with her. Try to condone her deficiency, its just in her nature. Also, try to correct her in a mild way and make her understand everything and help her to see reasons with whatever that comes to the fore.

I wish you good luck.

Thanks....@dmcdad Right now am not sure if I would be able to tolerate that..... I see her trying to make effort to change but like you said its just her nature. I dont want to believe she is really begging because of $$$ because she has been with me in my struggling days and even now that she knows my worth, she has never demanded anything from me...

rkout4luv: Thanks....@dmcdad Right now am not sure if I would be able to tolerate that..... I see her trying to make effort to change but like you said its just her nature. I dont want to believe she is really begging because of $$$ because she has been with me in my struggling days and even now that she knows my worth, she has never demanded anything from me...

Ehya.... That kinda gurl happens to be my kinda gurl cus I dont really fancy having a social gurl... Well, everyone with what works for them. Since you are not comfortable with her that way, its settled.

I wish you goodluck

Op, honestly, I dont see anything wrong with her. Na sociality go solve your life chanlleges? which is worse? A girl that dumped you when you had nothing or one that stucked with you through thick and thin. My brother, you better stay with her because you dont know what the next girl would be and then, you will start missing her. it would be too late then.

see, I have seen it happened before, one to my elder brother and another to my uncle. they left ladie who truly loved them and what was the result? DISASTER! the ladies that came into their life there after was hell.

For my uncle, he got married to a Nigerian lady in the US and the lady was almost suffocating him with family demands, tellling him to bring the brother, do this for her mother and all that. That lady had one issue for him but he left her because he could no longer cope.

He came to Nigeria and married a supposed nurse and then took her to the US... another wahala. The girl got there and turned wild according to what I heard and this caused problems for my uncle that they had to deport the lady and almost deported my uncle... but being a smart hard core Naija guy, he found his way into Canada.., and thank God that heis doing well now.

He has just married again... but na small girl him come marry. Age is no longer on the guy's side. But as small as I was and over 20 years ago, I remembered he found love and there was this lady that truely loved him... she was willing to do anything, she was pretty and extended the same love to us. I remember how she turned my little sister's birthday party into marvel... it was as though she gave birth to my sister.

But in the end, any time this lady takes in for him, he would beat her till she had a miscarriage. this happened more than three times.

My brother, may this never be your experience... please. You can sort these things out with her. I strongly believe that you can irrespective of what anyone say.

My elder brother on the other hand left a truly loving and caring lady for one flimsy excuse... but the girl that had an issue for him almost tore us apart, she even went as far as causing enimty between my brother and his long time childhood friend...

Is this the kind of life you want...?

Who no go know know!

You dont know who the next person might be. I have never been fortunate to find one that loves me and if I do, I will not be foolish to let her go just because of her flaws.

OP, dont you have your own flaws? Are you that PERFECT?

Thanks for taking so much time and putting up this examples..... Like you said, am not perfect myself.

rkout4luv: Thanks for taking so much time and putting up this examples..... Like you said, am not perfect myself.

Anytime bro...

You said it yourself that she is trying everything to do those things you want... try it with someone that doesnt love you and see.

Talking about being too reserve, that is not a problem. I am myself but took sometime to let that go. But I still have traces of that in me.

I know it is not good thing but you can help her... you can make a better person. There is way around that. With a little push here and there, discussions and communication with her will help her out. That is essence of a better half, you compromise.

I see a good woman with poor social skills and that seems important to you. Date her some more, you can help her be better the way you like, be clear about what you want from her. Help her in a kind way, the way you approach her supposed shortcomings maybe the determining factor whether she will change or not. However do not force yourself into the relationship just because she is a good girl be true to yourself and your needs.

I have some male friends who married a good girl or the other and are now miserable because she is not really what they want but they were afraid that they would never find someone like her. Do not make decisions out of fear its your life.

andromida: I see a good woman with poor social skills and that seems important to you. Date her some more, you can help her be better the way you like, be clear about what you want from her. Help her in a kind way, the way you approach her supposed shortcomings maybe the determining factor whether she will change or not. However do not force yourself into the relationship just because she is a good girl be true to yourself and your needs.

I have some male friends who married a good girl or the other and are now miserable because she is not really what they want but they were afraid that they would never find someone like her. Do not make decisions out of fear. It's your life.

@the OP.
Listen to this advice.
Love/marriage shouldn't be a function of pity. Infact, you'll regret it all your life if you do.
What you know you can NEVER tolerate when dating, DO NOT Think that a miracle will happen and u'll suddenly begin to like it after marriage.
So, be wise.
You either can take it or u cannot.
Make ur decision and move on.
Thinking that u can NEVER find another who will possess a good percentage of what you desire/like is not a good mentality to have.
U could even find one better than her.
The question you should ask yourself is: ''Can I be happy with this lady if I marry her?''.
If you can, go on. But if u honestly cannot, do not deceive yourself. So that you do not become a bitter, married man later in your life.
A VERY IMPORTANT RULE SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO FORGET:
NEVER MARRY SOMEONE OUT OF PITY. You will be miserable all your life.