I will try to be concise.
@ 31 with a very good job and quite good looking. Here's my dilemma:
I have been dating my fiancee for 5 years now though we broke up along the line and got back together after a year apart, when I realised the lady I left her for was a no match after all. Now, the problem is I'm begining to realise that I do not love her as much as she 'worships' me, the quality I missed so much when we were 'apart'. We are preparing for marriage and I'm at a loss. I must confess that I have had this doubt for sometime, but the realisation of what will befall her if we split again has kept me on. She accepted to come back at the chagrin of her folks and friends who warned her it was an insane thing to do. Staying on will only mean mortgaging my happiness for her joy and ego and calling it quit now will...certainly kill her. I know I don't love her enough and she knows too but her love is overwhelming. She goes the whole hog out for me when necessary and this I cherish so much but it does not change the feeling I have. Please I need your candid advice. Do you think I can love her in marriage? Or I should sever it now?

Are we magicians to know if you will love her after marriage? You alone know where the shoe pinches you the most. Why go ahead when you know that what you feel for her is not love but pitty?

Never marry someone out of pity. It is better you let her go (heartbroken) if you are certain the love isn't as it should be rather than taking the risk of an unhappy union.

Having said that, if you are someone that can suppress personal feelings for someone else's happiness then it MIGHT work. Talk to someone you trust, someone that will not be bias and see what he or she says.

All the best

We are not in ur shoes n will not know how u feel. What if u redefine her? Betterstill, talk to her n let her know how u can correct her faults. There is no perfect human! There are bound to be changes!!!!!
But DO NOT marry her out of pity!

After 5 years?! Emotions, particularly for a man do no constitute enough reasons to marry or not to. In any case, true love is a decision, not a feeling. Ok, it may be a feeling initially but subsequently and ultimately it is a decision. You have to decide to love who you marry. You have not mentioned other qualities in yourself and your fiancée to help determine long term compatibility. My gut feeling is that you should marry her... All the best!

Thanks guys...I appreciate your contributions!

The word 'love' is imaginary/abstract and it is clinged to mega fantasy. I'm sorry, u have what so many men out there are looking for....we all want the love our partners have for us to outsize the one we have for them. No body seeks advalorem in lovelife...so loving u more than u love her is not a crime, u can build on that and have a happy home. if u think marriage is concerntric to love alone, then , that love will somehow go away or diminish along the line, maybe after 2-3 kids u will confirm this. The goodnews is that u have a reason why u don't wanna let go cos u knw the effect ur decision will have on her, that's enough reason to marry her i.e, if u dont want her to die in ur name. If u were not really in love with her , u shldnt have allowed the r/ship to get to this stage. And how are u sure u'd find someone who u love 100% and she's ready to return the favour in similar size? Marriage is not 100% about love dis days, but about the woman that can help u build ur home. Bro, find time to correct her...u can shape her to become ur dream gal if she truly love u like u said. Do pray , ask God for direction b4 taking any step. Best of lucks!

ryom: After 5 years?! Emotions, particularly for a man do no constitute enough reasons to marry or not to. In any case, true love is a decision, not a feeling. Ok, it may be a feeling initially but subsequently and ultimately it is a decision. You have to decide to love who you marry. You have not mentioned other qualities in yourself and your fiancée to help determine long term compatibility. My gut feeling is that you should marry her... All the best!

^^^ Nice one ryom...

OP, apart from the post above, its way better to be married to someone that loves you more.

Haaaaaa! Worlahi if i'm d girl i fit kill person oh..if u eventually call it quits.
But seriously, urs is a real dilemma..and i get ur feelings. But i don't think its a really bad thing to go along with the marriage. From ur post, u make it clear dat ur love for her is still there(why else would you call her back??), but only dat d love isn't as much as before right??, and she loves u more dan u do huh?? U can make it work out. Remember d tinz dat made u fall in love with her in d first place..if they're now absent..u can tell her in a nice manner on where to work on herself and improve.. Try pretending you've fallen so much in love with her..it might eventually turn out to be real and to stay.
But if all this don't work out, i'd advise you quit now(though i wouldn't want you to), cos whether you like it or not, dat marriage might not last..marrying out of pity is very destructive. We should live in happiness and not gloom.
But d fact dat you'll be breaking someone's heart go dey prick ur conscience..dats just it. Just be wise, play ur cards well and ask God for guidance.

You are just as unstable as Reuben, OP.
Firstly, what exactly do you want? You left this sister for a year and yet went back to her just to finish the rubbish you already started. You must have posed with her severally so much that other guys know she's your chic and now you want to dump her.
Fine. Dump her for your happiness sake. The irony of it all is that, if we were to compare quality of lives say 4yrs from now, hers would top yours.

@OP, you shouldn't have started the relationship you have ended before when you know that at then end of the day you wont make the sister happy. What were you thinking before? I guess you don't know what you really want.
My advice: Don't marry the lady out of pity because the marriage will be hell for you and note that is a lifetime thing oh because later on the babe that you think shes happy she wont be again cos i know is the wedding thing that is making her happy. "A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage" #enoughsaid.

Op listen, you missed her enough to get back together with her after a year...Good. I need you to work with that. There, is a strong indication of love if you ask me. I mean, who's to say you won't miss her again, if you go your seperate ways again? Very well, you just might find another 'love' if you let this one go. The reality of the situation however is that, you would fall for someone with the same qualities you like and missed in this one......which just begs the question; Is your pursuit of 'true love', exactly realistic?

The truth is that trust, honesty, understanding and companionship, is everything there is to a VERY healthy relationship and Nooo, the mere sight of her or thereabout, isn't supposed to have those wobbly effects on your legs forever. Just stay reassured that marriage is the next best thing that follows a good courtship and whenever these unproductive thoughts strike, reach for the reasons you missed and wanted her back, and get yourself back on track.

I think you love her but you keep thinking there should be more,like you keep thinking you can find something better out there could it be she is not as pretty as you would have liked or something else but you should know good character is a keeper and it seems she has that.Life is what you make of it. You need to figure out why you are scared and those qualities that brought you back to her. I think the problem is her "worship" and its making you feel she is not all that.

why are you three months to your wedding and another poster is two months to her wedding.

both within 24 hours.

From your story, i can tell you are just scared of settling down.
There is always that tension when you think of spending the rest of your
life with someone.
The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.
Now, how to solve this issue: what are those things that scares you on settling down with her?
What are the good qualities in her and the bad ones, draw your scale.
She should be the one worried of you not loving her as much as she does.
I hate it when we men sometimes feel we always have the final decision and making it look as if
we are God's gift to women. I do not blame you, i blame the society for making ladies believe
they have limited choice when it comes to settling down with a man.

Some of us are really searching for a lady that will love us that much and here you are playing with her feelings
after 5 yrs. OK, dump her and start searching for a better woman.

@OP, like my guys would always say, it's better to marry someone that love you more than you love her. Just work on loving her more, cos you might not find someone that loves you like she presently do

caseless: The word 'love' is imaginary/abstract and it is clinged to mega fantasy. I'm sorry, u have what so many men out there are looking for....we all want the love our partners have for us to outsize the one we have for them. No body seeks advalorem in lovelife...so loving u more than u love her is not a crime, u can build on that and have a happy home. if u think marriage is concerntric to love alone, then , that love will somehow go away or diminish along the line, maybe after 2-3 kids u will confirm this. The goodnews is that u have a reason why u don't wanna let go cos u knw the effect ur decision will have on her, that's enough reason to marry her i.e, if u dont want her to die in ur name. If u were not really in love with her , u shldnt have allowed the r/ship to get to this stage. And how are u sure u'd find someone who u love 100% and she's ready to return the favour in similar size? Marriage is not 100% about love dis days, but about the woman that can help u build ur home. Bro, find time to correct her...u can shape her to become ur dream gal if she truly love u like u said. Do pray , ask God for direction b4 taking any step. Best of lucks!

So many guys out there are lookin for what u're kidding with, if I were you I will marry her.

gilmaro:

So many guys out there are lookin for what u're kidding with, if I were you I will marry her.

oga mi, no b me b the op, i was jst contributing....

Op, take time to read and really understand the comments here.
We all agree that you are a lucky guy who doesnt know just how lucky you are. You have a diamond and you want silver?

The intensity of her love is scary right? And you are having doubts because in your opinion, a guy should love a girl more, be ready to move the earth for her not the other way round?

Sweetie there is absolutely nothing wrong if she loves you more, imo, it will even be better for you marriage. It has been said dat women are the ones that build the home, cant you see how your marriage and home will be the envy of all if you make this lady who is willing to trek to hell and back for you your wife?

Like Rocktation, ceaseless etc wrote, marriage isnt all about love. Compatibility, understanding, similar goals, friendship etc keeps it going long after the euphoria of being in love comes to an end. Does she have these qualities?

I wont advice you to marry her if you dont love her atall but i doubt you dont. You care for her, you do not want her to be heartbroken, these are synonymous wit love. You love her enought that the thought of hurting her is unbearable to you.

Think deeply, prioritize, this might just be you having cold feet. I hope you make d right decision and i hope you realise that ur fiancee is one of a kind. There are very few girls like her in nigeria who love deeply and truely, very very few girls.

gree-die:
Op, take time to read and really understand the comments here.
We all agree that you are a lucky guy who doesnt know just how lucky you are. You have a diamond and you want silver?

The intensity of her love is scary right? And you are having doubts because in your opinion, a guy should love a girl more, be ready to move the earth for her not the other way round?

Sweetie there is absolutely nothing wrong if she loves you more, imo, it will even be better for you marriage. It has been said dat women are the ones that build the home, cant you see how your marriage and home will be the envy of all if you make this lady who is willing to trek to hell and back for you your wife?

Like Rocktation, ceaseless etc wrote, marriage isnt all about love. Compatibility, understanding, similar goals, friendship etc keeps it going long after the euphoria of being in love comes to an end. Does she have these qualities?

I wont advice you to marry her if you dont love her atall but i doubt you dont. You care for her, you do not want her to be heartbroken, these are synonymous wit love. You love her enought that the thought of hurting her is unbearable to you.

Think deeply, prioritize, this might just be you having cold feet. I hope you make d right decision and i hope you realise that ur fiancee is one of a kind. There are very few girls like her in nigeria who love deeply and truely, very very few girls.

Just like ur user I'd connotes...I really can't agree with you anyless...You hit the bulls eye with every dart of word you typed here. Thanks a bunch.
I'm really appreciative of all the comments made here. The swayings just corroborate the dilemma and suggest it is indeed dicey. Like I revealed before...I so much care about her though not sure I can call it love. The superfluous dote she chokes me with is what I'm sure I can't get elsewhere. I pray God gives me the wisdom to do the right thing at the end of the day.
Thank y'all for dropping by.

@dearie, just wondering; did you eventually marry her?