wat do you do to rekindle the love flame that once burned in your union when one partner falls out of love and seems not interested in your efforts in rebuilding the marriage?

•dating
•romance
•ferocious love-making

coogar: •dating
•romance
•ferocious love-making

yes, but the other partner is not interested in the first 2. they only have se.x (i won't call it love-making) when they feel like it.

1920MaMa:

yes, but the other partner is not interested in the first 2. they only have se.x (i won't call it love-making) when they feel like it.

Am sorry but i had to . Na wa o. Is this friends with benefits or married with benefits?

1920MaMa:

yes, but the other partner is not interested in the first 2. they only have se.x (i won't call it love-making) when they feel like it.

then one partner must get the other interested for more dates and romance otherwise what's the point? without romance, sex is just a physical act - like watching a cöck and a hen fück openly on the street. the male just wanders off like nothing happened!

.

Maybe what the other partner fell-inlove with is no longer there. The best thing is to start from the foundation of the problem.

Maybe one party is too much of a romantic and the other is more practical.

A lot of men dont see any sense in candle dinners, dimly lit rooms, role playing etc. Those are stuffs women get fixated on from their Mills and Boons days.

OP make sure you do that number 3 fiercely and regularly, it would compensate for the other 2

1920MaMa: wat do you do to rekindle the love flame that once burned in your union when one partner falls out of love and seems not interested in your efforts in rebuilding the marriage?

I would suggest you first find out where the partner who has fallen off the love wagon really is. That way you are best able to chart the next cause of actions. Going on dates or trying ferocious love-making with someone who is repulsed by you ain't gonna help you or the relationship much.

I would suggest counselling sessions where you both talk to each other and find out where things may have gone wrong, if at all, what the feelings of each of the parties involved really are, and what could be the next step to reviving the comatose love(assuming it still lives).

but wat wud make somebody that was once in love stop loving his/her spouse? it makes me wonder if the love ever existed.

1920MaMa: but wat wud make somebody that was once in love stop loving his/her spouse? it makes me wonder if the love ever existed.

love can fade........
one of them must have slacked in his/her responsibility!

coogar:

love can fade........
one of them must have slacked in his/her responsibility!

yeah, i agree with you on the responsibility thing, but is that enough reason to stop loving one's spouse completely?

1920MaMa:
yeah, i agree with you on the responsibility thing, but is that enough reason to stop loving one's spouse completely?

of course....
there are reasons why a particular guy A wants to be with girl X. if guy A stops doing what girl X saw that got her attracted in the first place, girl X would lose interest gradually. if nothing is done to salvage the situation immediately, girl X would lose interest completely and the love would die. there's a thin line between love and hate - marriage or no marriage!

First of all, check/examine yourself if u are not d cause, if yes, then apologise sincerely.
Be more romantic, not only on bed, but in every area, like in your dressing, talking, cooking,etc.
Submit to him, he may be pissed off by your pride.
Pray,pray pray for him, for yourself and for your marriage.
May God help us all.

@OP please for how long is this 'loveless marriage ' has been going on specifically? 6 months, 2 years , 5years .... ?

1920MaMa: but wat wud make somebody that was once in love stop loving his/her spouse? it makes me wonder if the love ever existed.

Love is a choice. You choose every second to remain in love or quit. We see it happen everyday. And even in a marriage, that choice is made every second, every hour, everyday. There are many reasons why people choose to give up on love --give up on fanning that flame and it could be as a result of situations in the marriage. In that case, it is best to start by gaining a good understanding of what really happened.

I survived it by "lik Kanu Nwankwo I ws determinnnnnnneeeeeddddd"

Kobojunkie:

Love is a choice. You choose every second to remain in love or quit.

Op, this is just the answer. You choose to Love, regardless if the other party loves you or not.
The solution to your problem, could simply mean....Loving him the more, irrespective of his attitude. Or you can give up and choose to hate him equally, it's your choice to make.

Find out what caused the problem first. If the spouse won't talk, then be more playful, more romantic. Get them to open up somehow, do marriage counselling. Love is a choice, infatuation is a feeling and marriage an institution. You have to work on your love, daily. Put your spouse first before work and kids. And pray.

Most people are not willing to accept change and this sometimes causes these problems.
Look at your self critically, from when you were dating (Physically) till now, has anything changed
A lot of things would have changed like you probably now have kids etc, but you seem to want the spark them to be the same this is indeed not possible. As we evolve (Grow old, our likes etc), our relationships \ interractions will also evolve
I really think you should evolve with it and dwell on the good things or positive things of what you have, positive thing attract more positive things

if there are no children in between quickly pack it up and move on life is too short to be worrying when the other partner is having fun. People are wiser now you cant kill yourself for a fellow human being that doesnt give a sh1t over your life. Quickly take the bold step beat it fast and look for a person you love and who loves you back in return and build a happy home.

Dalby and Dayo you guys are absolutely right..... we need to be realistic... in as much as we need to be happy in our relationships ... all that loveedadidal will reduce no matter what... so you have to make it work or quit trying like kobo said.

Marriage is no child's play... sometimes the other spouse needs to be woken up from his/her slumber for reality check.

Dalby: Most people are not willing to accept change and this sometimes causes these problems.
Look at your self critically, from when you were dating (Physically) till now, has anything changed
A lot of things would have changed like you probably now have kids etc, but you seem to want the spark them to be the same this is indeed not possible. As we evolve (Grow old, our likes etc), our relationships \ interractions will also evolve
I really think you should evolve with it and dwell on the good things or positive things of what you have, positive thing attract more positive things

I cn't agree more!!

totorimi: if there are no children in between quickly pack it up and move on life is too short to be worrying when the other partner is having fun. People are wiser now you cant kill yourself for a fellow human being that doesnt give a sh1t over your life. Quickly take the bold step beat it fast and look for a person you love and who loves you back in return and build a happy home.

. Agbaya! Must everyone follow your footsteps?Ajegbodo ton wa eni kunra.Msh

Go and see this movie: ''Fire Proof''.

It is difficult and it depends on ow long you have been married. You need to find out what has changed and it could be many many things:
1. Responsibilities - The pressure of raising a family especially in Nigeria could cause emotional burn-out
2. Past Sins - Has that person been complaining about something over a period of time? Could it be infidelity, physical or emotional abuse etc
3. Someone else - May be there is someone else that person has fallen in love with
4. It might be something he/she is unable to tell you for some reason

These are just a few of the things that could have happened over the years. The answer is to have an honest dicussion with your spouse. You should not come across as complaining or nagging, this should be a fact finding mission.

Tell your spouse you do not feel he/she loves you the way they used to. Tell him/her how much you love her/him and how much you believe in your future together. Apologise if you have done anythin wrong and try and show your spouse you still love her/him and believe in the marriage. Let your spouse know you are willing to listen to everything they have to say and he/she has 100% support from you.

Please, dont throw away your marriage, keep working at it. The Bible says if you faint in the day of adversity, then your strength is small. It is for better for worse. We all love the better, but we still need to stick with the worse!

Nashville: [b]It is difficult and it depends on ow long you have been married. You need to find out what has changed and it could be many many things:
1. Responsibilities - The pressure of raising a family especially in Nigeria could cause emotional burn-out
2. Past Sins - Has that person been complaining about something over a period of time? Could it be infidelity, physical or emotional abuse etc
3. Someone else - May be there is someone else that person has fallen in love with
4. It might be something he/she is unable to tell you for some reason

These are just a few of the things that could have happened over the years. The answer is to have an honest dicussion with your spouse. You should not come across as compalining or nagging, this should be a fact finding mission.

Tell your spouse you do not feel he/she loves you the way they used to. Tell him/her how much you love her/him and how much you believe in your future together. Apologise if you have done anythin wrong and try and show your spouse you still love her/him and believe in the marriage. Let your spouse know you are willing to listen to everything they have to say and he/she has 100% support from you.[/b]

I wanted to highlight some of your points but I ended up just highlighting the whole damn thing because it makes too much sense.

OP, this is the most straightforward way of approaching this. Whether they don't love you anymore or never really loved you, there is a reason. The best bet is to find out that reason in the most honest, non judgmental atmosphere possible whether it be your home or in a counselor's chair. Next step is to address those reasons if possible. If it is something that can't be changed, then you have to decide whether to live with it or not. Be prepared though; you will very likely not like the answers you get and things could get very rough before they get better (if they ever do). Especially if it's a reason number 4 in Nashville's list..

1920MaMa: wat do you do to rekindle the love flame that once burned in your union when one partner falls out of love and seems not interested in your efforts in rebuilding the marriage?

Hmmm, this is the 2nd time you're asking a question about unrequited love. If its about you, then I suggest you leave nairaland first. Go to google and gather up e-books about it, read it with practicality, then finally, go to your church for counselling if you are a christian, if not, see a shrink.

Love fades but friendship sustains. You need to be friends. Friendship binds together better than love coz love is like weatheR anything can trigger it to be very hot in the same vain anything can trigger it to be cold.
Find out what caused the sudden coldness in the love
Make amendment. Even if its to apologize though u are not wrong
Prayer is the key!!works better than magic

coogar:

love can fade........
one of them must have slacked in his/her responsibility!

I disagree...love never fades. Maybe what he had initially was just infatuation....it was never love.
Love is a convenant on its own that lasts forever.
" The man or woman
you really love will
never grow old to you.
Through the wrinkles of
time, through the
bowed frame of years, You will always see the
dear face and feel The
warm heart union of
your eternal love."
@OP I've heard so many of such stories....that's even the primary reasons for the high divorce rate. It's quite unfortunate that people will spend time preparing for the Wedding (Lasts just a day) instead of the marriage (Lasts a life time).
Love alone can never keep up the burning flame of holy matrimony....marriage is a union btwn 2 totally diff. Individuals and if u don't hve d perfect person for u, then I'm sorry luv will be unable 2 bear d whole weight of d relationship.

1920MaMa: wat do you do to rekindle the love flame that once burned in your union when one partner falls out of love and seems not interested in your efforts in rebuilding the marriage?

Divorce!!