It seems people r not ready 2 ask the poster the proper questions, so let me the devil's advocate here:

@POSTER
How many kilos did u gain since the first day you guys met?
Get un.dress and stand in front of the mirror, and tell us if u like what u c?
Dig up ur old pre marriage photos, look @ urself in the mirror and tell us if u c the exact same sexy fun person?
Throughout ur marriage, what steps have u taken 2 spice things up? or did u just now decided 2 do so?

don't b mad @ me 4 being brutally honest with u, but these r the realities of life. Chances r there is no way to rebuild anything as the love is already dead and buried. If there is no love in ur union then u guys need 2 sit down and b honest 2 one another, bring the issues that is bothering u unto the table, and try 2 solve it or walk away.

Sorry my sister to read what you may be going through in your relationship at the moment. I would ask like others would, how bad you really want this love rekindled? Remember "no pain, no gain." In fact, if you were not going through what you are going through right now, then it is not worth it. I believe you are going through what you are going through for you to grow. Yes, to grow. Once you overcome, you would be able to help others who find themselves in a similar position. Perhaps the following can work for you - that is work on yourself first followed by having faith that he will come back into the romantic relationship you once had:

1. Try to look good and sexy – read books on how;
2. If you are overweight lose weight – become more attractive;
3. Dress well;
4. Attempt to do things you didn't do before;
5. Think very carefully back down memory lane when you were first courting remembering what he loved about you;
6. Improve your communication skills;
7. Improve your writing skills;
8. If you are a mom, improve your parenting skills. If you are great now, become even greater;

By the time you accomplish the above eight things, if he doesn't notice, he's friend(s) would notice and would start to ask him about what transformation is taking place in you. I'd work on number one, you, to win his love back again. If he still doesn't see the new you, someone better will. You are no longer the old you anymore.

Philolos: Sorry my sister to read what you may be going through in your relationship at the moment. I would ask like others would, how bad you really want this love rekindled? Remember "no pain, no gain." In fact, if you were not going through what you are going through right now, then it is not worth it. I believe you are going through what you are going through for you go grow. Yes, to grow. Once you overcome, you would be able to help others who find themselves in a similar position. Perhaps the following can work for you - that is work on yourself first followed by having faith that he will come back into the romantic relationship you once had:

1. Try to look good and sexy – read books on how;
2. If you are overweight lose weight – become more attractive;
3. Dress well;
4. Attempt to do things you didn't do before;
5. Think very carefully back down memory lane when you were first courting remembering what he loved about you;
6. Improve your communication skills;
7. Improve your writing skills;
8. If you are a mom, improve your parenting skills. If you are great now, become even greater;

By the time you accomplish the above eight things, if he doesn't notice, he's friend(s) would notice and would start to ask him about what transformation is taking place in you. I'd work on number one, you, to win his love back again. If he still doesn't see the new you, someone better will. You are no longer the old you anymore.

What 8 things do you have for the man, since you have concluded that the woman is the one at fault or lacking.

NEROSKY: [size=18pt]Go for counseling...but we africans don't value it and its essential....[/size]


Watching Desperate Housewives will teach alot things in marriage...like seriously

I don't know about desperate housewives but I agree that Africans don't value counseling as much as they should and some confuse counseling with what they get at their church before marriage.

yay it made front page!

for those attributing these topics to my life, well i'd suggest you just read and contribute positively to the post and stop assuming things. this is a blog that strives for traffic, and if such topics as mine brings the traffic, then i'm happy. and for those who are not happy with these topics, i'm so sorry as i'm very sure there are people out there learning from them.

now that i've gotten that outta my chest, pls let's go back to the topic, people!

baby_123:

What 8 things do you have for the man, since you have concluded that the woman is the one at fault or lacking.

@baby_123, I’m glad you asked. My brothers can borrow from the same leaf. These are unisex ideas... They too can lose weight, look sexy, increase their one-pack to become 3 or 6-packs, etc. We can all become more attractive by taking little steps to improve either or both the inside and outside.

ngosayogie:

I disagree...love never fades. Maybe what he had initially was just infatuation....it was never love.
Love is a convenant on its own that lasts forever.
" The man or woman
you really love will
never grow old to you.
Through the wrinkles of
time, through the
bowed frame of years, You will always see the
dear face and feel The
warm heart union of
your eternal love."

Love alone can never keep up the burning flame of holy matrimony....marriage is a union btwn 2 totally diff. Individuals and if u don't hve d perfect person for u, then I'm sorry luv will be unable 2 bear d whole weight of d relationship.

what else can sustain the burning flame of marriage if true love doesnt fade.

its not a marraige its just "scotting"...so

Philolos:

@baby_123, I’m glad you asked. My brothers can borrow from the same leaf. These are unisex ideas... They too can lose weight, look sexy, increase their one-pack to become 3 or 6-packs, etc. We can all become more attractive by taking little steps to improve either or both the inside and outside.

I can tell from the above post that you are a child whose fickle mind still believes that love has to do with the emotions registered between your legs when you look at your partner. People like you, if you do not grow up quickly for your own good, end up having problem after problem when in a long term relationship.

Looking good has nothing to do with love. Even the "sexiest" people on the planet, with all their six packs and chiseled bodies have not been able to stave off this kind from happening to them. When you get married. You are on the internet, educate yourself.

Hi NLers, ask d poster if she nags, dats one thing dat I know can send d man and make him dumb to all her sexy and ferocious love advances, nagging send men out of d house as fast as walestar wil bring out his small D.ick wen he sees a naked mad woman

Kobojunkie:

I can tell from the above post that you are a child whose fickle mind still believes that love has to do with the emotions registered between your legs when you look at your partner. People like you, if you do not grow up quickly for your own good, end up having problem after problem when in a long term relationship.

Looking good has nothing to do with love. Even the "sexiest" people on the planet, with all their six packs and chiseled bodies have not been able to stave off this kind from happening to them. When you get married. You are on the internet, educate yourself.

Good post. Having a good marriage is not about being sexy or wearing sexy things. It's much more than that. You have to live with someone for about 50 years - 18262 days, so you cannot make everyday a hot sexy day.

And please, those saying that if there are problems then it was not true love. I tend to disagree. Love can become cold, it can be hurt, and it can even turn into hatred. God loves all of us, but some people will go to hell, so do not tell me if its true love, then, everything will always be smooth.

A marriage needs to be tendered, you need to try and make things work. Friendship and communication is always key. Compromise and putting the other person first helps alot. These problems can only be solved be honest and open communication not by looking sexy!

Kobojunkie:

I can tell from the above post that you are a child whose fickle mind still believes that love has to do with the emotions registered between your legs when you look at your partner. People like you, if you do not grow up quickly for your own good, end up having problem after problem when in a long term relationship.

Looking good has nothing to do with love. Even the "sexiest" people on the planet, with all their six packs and chiseled bodies have not been able to stave off this kind from happening to them. When you get married. You are on the internet, educate yourself.

@Kobojunkie, I'm not mad at you. However, only if you read and comprehended my post(s), you would have been able to extract that I suggested an internal and external step for the person in question to improve her/himself to help awaken the animal in the partner losing interest which could also spark new proposals from the outside.

Divorce him and move on. Life is too short for sh**t.

Philolos:

@Kobojunkie, I'm not mad at you. However, only if you read and comprehended my post(s), you would have been able to extract that I suggested an internal and external step for the person in question to improve her/himself to help awaken the animal in the partner losing interest which could also spark new proposals from the outside.

NO WHERE did you do that. Sorry, none of your posts on this thread, or on any of the other threads I have seen you post on, departs from what I have come to expect of you, and that is, your understanding of love and relationship is pretty shallow and I only hope that is because you are still quite young. I didn't think the way you do now of love and relationships back when I was 18, so yeah, you need to grow up fast before . . .

Kobojunkie:

NO WHERE did you do that. Sorry, none of your posts on this thread, or on any of the other threads I have seen you post on, departs from what I have come to expect of you, and that is, your understanding of love and relationship is pretty shallow and I only hope that is because you are still quite young. I didn't think the way you do now of love and relationships back when I was 18, so yeah, you need to grow up fast before . . .

@Kobojunkie, anyone reading your post may also come to the conclusion that you need a lot of growing up to do in your tone, reading and writing. You also come across as though you are in a loveless relationship. Once again, if I refer you back to the original post and follow up by the poster, the following issues were raised:

* Loveless marriage
* Love-making (or lack of)

Both premises only highlight symptoms of a deeper problem if you peel off the surface. I love my family, my siblings even the bad ones. However, I’d never fall out of love with them. I truly love my wife and I will never fall out of love with her. True love never fades. How many parents have seized loving their children? Perhaps not that many. However, popular culture has made marriage and love synonymous. Not true. And if you argue the contrary then this post should not have opened. You don’t love someone today and tomorrow you've lost your love for them. Love is all or nothing. If so-called love fades/faded, then there wasn't love in the first place. Such a relationship was confused for love. It was a mirage mistaken for love - a fallacy.

We hope true love is reciprocal in marriage but it is mostly not. That’s why some that are truly in love find it difficult to move on if the other person in the relationship decides they've fallen out of love. I honestly doubt they were in love in the first place. Love is truly blind, but the reality is that marriage will open your eyes. Love is forgiving and kind. Love may not know how to communicate and be good at love-making, but love will try. Love is learning and accommodating. The strategy in this case should include considering all the tactics mentioned so far: opening channels of communication, doing some things different from what the person is used to doing, counselling as you mentioned in one of your threads, etc. One tactic by itself may not work and most may fail. However, if the person looking for help is the one truly in love, they'll find it challenging to move on.

Philolos:

@Kobojunkie, anyone reading your post may also come to the conclusion that you need a lot of growing up to do in your tone, reading and writing. You also come across as though you are in a loveless relationship. Once again, if I refer you back to the original post and follow up by the poster, the following issues were raised:

* Loveless marriage
* Love-making (or lack of)

Both premises only highlight symptoms of a deeper problem if you peel off the surface. I love my family, my siblings even the bad ones. However, I’d never fall out of love with them. I truly love my wife and I will never fall out of love with her. True love never fades. How many parents have seized loving their children? Perhaps not that many. However, popular culture has made marriage and love synonymous. Not true. And if you argue the contrary then this post should not have opened. You don’t love someone today and tomorrow you've lost your love for them. Love is all or nothing. If so-called love fades/faded, then there wasn't love in the first place. Such a relationship was confused for love. It was a mirage mistaken for love - a fallacy.

We hope true love is reciprocal in marriage but it is mostly not. That’s why some that are truly in love find it difficult to move on if the other person in the relationship decides they've fallen out of love. I honestly doubt they were in love in the first place. Love is truly blind, but the reality is that marriage will open your eyes. Love is forgiving and kind. Love may not know how to communicate and be good at love-making, but love will try. Love is learning and accommodating. The strategy in this case should include considering all the tactics mentioned so far: opening channels of communication, doing some things different from what the person is used to doing, counselling as you mentioned in one of your threads, etc. One tactic by itself may not work and most may fail. However, if the person looking for help is the one truly in love, they'll find it challenging to move on.

I love it when I can simply quote an existing post to answer yet another . . .

Kobojunkie:

I can tell from the above post that you are a child whose fickle mind still believes that love has to do with the emotions registered between your legs when you look at your partner. People like you, if you do not grow up quickly for your own good, end up having problem after problem when in a long term relationship.

Looking good has nothing to do with love. Even the "sexiest" people on the planet, with all their six packs and chiseled bodies have not been able to stave off this kind from happening to them. When you get married. You are on the internet, educate yourself.

You are told this is currently a loveless marriage, and here you are arguing the unrelated, really

Kobojunkie:

I love it when I can simply quote an existing post to answer yet another . . .


You are told this is currently a loveless marriage, and here you are arguing the unrelated, really

It cuts both ways, and to my point. Because the poster said it is a Loveless Marriage doesn't make it so, or perhaps it is. Do you have enough information to conclude that that is indeed the case? Perhaps you do, because you are quite quick to jump to conclusions. Sorry for Mr. Right. He's earned my pity in having to school you.

Philolos:
It cuts both ways, and to my point. Because the poster said it is a Loveless Marriage doesn't make it so, or perhaps it is. Do you have enough information to conclude that that is indeed the case? Perhaps you do, because you are quite quick to jump to conclusions. Sorry for Mr. Right. He's earned my pity in having to school you.

The @OP tells you the discussion is on surviving a loveless marriage. He explains what he means and goes further to explain that NO ASSUMPTIONS to the otherwise be made. What are you still yapping about now? Did you even bother reading the @OP at all?

Kobojunkie:

The @OP tells you the discussion is on surviving a loveless marriage. He explains what he means and goes further to explain that NO ASSUMPTIONS to the otherwise be made. What are you still yapping about now? Did you even bother reading the @OP at all?

I didn't bother to read it. It was read to me. I just happen to be the one armed with the keyboard. I'm known to bang away - not to be confused with love-making.

Philolos:

I didn't bother to read it. It was read to me. I just happen to be the one armed with the keyboard. I'm known to bang away - not to be confused with love-making.

You guys made good points and have also done a good job of spoiling them with your loveless Nairaland lives!!!! Rubbish.

I can't even survive a one sided love relationship.

Well, how long have you been married? Any kids?

Sounds like you compliment each other nicely and after many years of marriage, seexx kind of

take a second place.

Just try some talking and counseling . . and that would help you get to the bottom of it.

Perhaps it's time to sex it up.Get some Viagra for him-you go on some type of women's libido pills--

Talk to your Doctors. Get some purno, have a few drinks,go to a seeexx shop together for fun,buy naughty

items. Go to a book store and get some seexxx books and read them with him at night after a date. Make it fun.

Try wearing something sexy and alluring to get him in the mood. You seem a bit timid and reserved . .

this may contribute to the problem, get your wild dirty girl out.

Sometimes it's something stupid like that that just needs a good charge like a car battery. The car runs

fine but the battery sometimes needs a little boost.

Divorce? Not a solution to marriage.
Church/Mosque? Not a solution to marriage
Continouse GENUINE prayer so that God who instituted marriage will definitely provide a solution if and only if you can be patient. He is the only 1 tht can give lasting solution to marriage kpalava.

It is sick and very appalling to me that people think SEXXXX is the only method to revive a loveless marriage. Do you even know what loveless means? Sexxx does not equal love or loveless.

If the other party is no longer committed to the relationship, it might be time to MOVE ON. You can NEVER force someone to stay no matter how many times you have sexxx with him. Many married men cheat on their wives and sexxx is not the only reason why.

The best way to avoid a loveless marriage is to pray to the Almighty before getting married. Don't rush. The Almighty knows best. You can't predict the future but you can commit it into the hands of the Almighty through prayer.

First of all, you need prayer in such marriage
Secondly, you need to bridge the communication gap in between because that is the bedrock of the fading away of the Love in marriage.
If you can communicate well with your partner, I'm sure everything will be restore to normal.
But if fail to communicate with you and you've done everything withing your reach after committing it to God hands, I think it is time for a breakup though not advisable but that is the last option to take. I strongly believed that effective communication will bring back the love in your marriage.

minute: I can't even survive a one sided love relationship.

Well, how long have you been married? Any kids?

Sounds like you compliment each other nicely and after many years of marriage, seexx kind of

take a second place.

Just try some talking and counseling . . and that would help you get to the bottom of it.

Perhaps it's time to sex it up.Get some Viagra for him-you go on some type of women's libido pills--

Talk to your Doctors. Get some purno, have a few drinks,go to a seeexx shop together for fun,buy naughty

items. Go to a book store and get some seexxx books and read them with him at night after a date. Make it fun.

Try wearing something sexy and alluring to get him in the mood. You seem a bit timid and reserved . .

this may contribute to the problem, get your wild dirty girl out.

Sometimes it's something stupid like that that just needs a good charge like a car battery. The car runs

fine but the battery sometimes needs a little boost.

Yet another person with no idea what it means to be in a loveless relationship. What in the world has a loveless relationship to do with libido? At least try to google these things first . . the dictionary is available online and it is free.

^^^^ LMFAO!!!

LOVE is a continuous every moment decision to give yourself (time, energy, finances etc) away to another and that produces a feeling. if there is less love, decide to give yourself away to him/her more.

love and sex re totally different. in fact sex doesn't build love, but an attraction which can become an addiction which leaves the other party feeling used.

so in my opinion, decide to love him/her everyday especially when u feel he/she doesn't worth it. let your love be furious.

It can NEVER be rekindled.
You can only fake it!
That is how you survive a 'loveless marriage'!
You maintain the friendship and forget the love.
Learn to love yourself too!

P4VS20: ...love and sex re totally different. in fact sex doesn't build love, but an attraction which can become an addiction which leaves the other party feeling used...

beautifully written.
A lot of ppl confuse the two.