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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Mr. Akpors (100556 Views)
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Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 3:07pm On Nov 26, 2013 |
E get one particular restaurant wey akpors dey chop 4 GRA. E get one oyibo wey dey always come chop there too... Any time dis oyibo chop finish he go shout '' Hey'', so akpors dey wonder wetin dey make am shout, he come decide to chop wetin d oyibo dey always chop so maybe him self go shout too. . . when akpors reach d restaurant last week friday, he order wetin d oyibo man dey chop. . . Dem tell am say na chicken & red wine, so he chop am, but he no shout, he collect xtra plate, but he stil no shout. . . na then he just vex ask 4 for his bill. D waiter tell am say one plate of chicken & red wine na #75,000 and the xtra plate na another #75,000. . . na then akpors shout HEY HEY HEY HEY. . . he still dey shout till now.. Lwkmd 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 9:39pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said “Hi !, how are you ?” Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”. The voice said “So what are you up to ?”. I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here !”. From next door, “Can I come over?”. Annoyed, I said ” rather busy right now”. The voice said, “Listen, i will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions". |
Re: Mr. Akpors by Homguy(m): 11:02pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
Kul jokes 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:11pm On Dec 03, 2013 |
AKPOS VACANCY!!! Are U 18 yrs & above? Do U hav a valid ID card? Can U speak English &any other language? Are U lookin 4 an 9am - 3pm job wit a monthly salary of #800,000 and a weekly allowance of#900,000? No working during weekends & U only hav 2 work half-day on Fridays? If U're interested in this Job, Pls contact Me wit Ur full details SO THAT WE CAN LOOK FOR IT TOGETHER COS ME SEF DEY FIND AM BADLY. 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by PrettySpicey(f): 1:55pm On Dec 03, 2013 |
Lolz. Great jokez. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by PrettySpicey(f): 2:18pm On Dec 03, 2013 |
lil jboy: Akpos, uche and Chei!!! I swear ds Akpos need deliverance 4rm stupidity o. Lwkmd. 2 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by sweetiePe(f): 1:09am On Dec 04, 2013 |
Akpors fell into a well and was screaming for help. His wife Ekaete came with a rope to help: AKPORS: How much did you buythe rope? EKAETTE: NGN 1000 AKPORS(Still inside the well about to drown, shouted): What! Return it now now, go to papa Ochuko at the fourth street he sells it for NGN 250.00 Hurry up before I die here oh! . One word for Akpors [b]In other news: Top Best Love Quotes[/b] |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 5:37pm On Dec 06, 2013 |
Akpos wanted to poison the rats in his house. He went to a man selling rat poison and said; I want to buy rat poison. The man said; Customer you are welcome. Akpos asked; Is your rat poison working perfectly?. The man replied; Yes it is working perfectly. Akpos asked; Are you sure?. The man said; Okay come and taste it to confirm weather it is working or not. Akpos said; Okay give me a little. Akpos tasted it and...... |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 5:46pm On Dec 06, 2013 |
A woman and her 7 years old son were inside a Taxi. It was raining and all the twilight girls were standing by the roadside. The Boy asked; “Mummy, what are all those women doing?.” His Mother replied; “They are waiting for their husbands to come back from work.” The Taxi driver turned around and said; “Why don’t you tell him the truth?. Little boy, they are prostitutes, they sleep with men for money.” The Boy’s eyes got wide and asked; “Mummy is that true?” His mother, glaring hard at the driver replied; “Yes.!!” After a few minutes, the boy asked; “Mummy, what happens to the babies those women have?.” She replied; “Most of them become Taxi drivers. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:07pm On Dec 08, 2013 |
Akpors first time with a condom. . . Akpors was 16 or so, he went in to buy a packet of condom at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that he was new at it. She handed akpors the package and asked if he knew how to wear one. Akpors honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.' So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned him to make sure it was on tight and secure. Akpors apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking him by the hand, she led him into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked. Well, akpors was so dumb- struck that all he could do was nod his head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As he was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.' So akpors climbed on her. It was so wonderful,that unfortunately, he could no longer hold back and KAPOW, he was done within a few minutes. She looked at him with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. Akpors said, 'I sure did,' and held up his thumb to show her. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 6:02pm On Dec 09, 2013 |
Akpos is a varsity student. The Lecturer ordered him to write an apology letter showing why he didn’t submit an assignment. Dear Lecturer, I’m sorry I could not do the homework on time because I was tired after watching television. Thank you.. The Lecturer warns him to write a formal letter with formal English or reflective of a varsity student lest he be punished. This is what Akpos wrote… Dear knowledge conduit, My sovereign persona is thoroughly apologetic for my sordid academic behavioural inactivity or academic hibernation as regards the assignment. Unfortunately, our smart Samsung HDTV was visually competitive in relation to the assignment, prompting me to fall prey to its seduction to the detriment of the assignment. Ultimately, my exhaustion directed my nocturnally loyal body to my bed thereby rendering me half dead albeit still breathing in the process. Best Regards. Akpos What do you think of him? Good |
Re: Mr. Akpors by lilsweet(f): 1:47am On Dec 13, 2013 |
dat is 1ndaful |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 10:52am On Dec 14, 2013 |
A Man Akpos walked into a hotel and ordered Jollof rice and meat. He finished eating his food and was eating his meat when he suddenly shouted and called for the manager. Manager: Sir, what's the problem?. Akpos: The meat you people gave me is very hard. Manager: But sir our meats are well cooked. There is no way it will be hard. Akpos: Okay. Eat it yourself and tell me how it is. Manager: [Eating the meat] But sir this meat is very soft. I don't know why you are complaining. Akpos: Why won't it be soft? Do you know how long I have been chewing it?. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 10:55am On Dec 14, 2013 |
Akpos had only 400 Naira in his pocket. He went to the most expensive hotel in town and made an order of the most expensive meal they had available with the most expensive wine included. After the meals, the drinks and champagne, Akpos bill was N45,000. He told the waiter he had no money. The hotel manager was called. They handed Akpos to the police. On the way to the station Akpos gave 200 Naira to the Police and he was set free. This is what we call; Financial management. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:01am On Dec 14, 2013 |
A Young Man Akpos was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said Akpos. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the 3 worst Chinese tortures known to man." "Ok," said Akpos, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to Akpos since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke up in the morning with the feel of pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the rock up, walked over to the window and threw the rock out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the rock. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost." 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 3:08pm On Dec 15, 2013 |
An Arab Man stops a taxi, entered it and said "Please turn off the radio for in the time of the prophet, there was no radio and my religion decreed that I should not listen to it especially the western music.This is because they sing of their infidelity and all." Akpors the Taxi Driver turned off the radio, came down and opened the door for the man and said, "In the time of the prophets, there was no car. So please come down and wait for a camel." |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 12:35am On Dec 26, 2013 |
Son: Dad, what do I give my girlfriend as a Christmas gift? Akpos: How does she look? Son: She looks sweet, pretty, fun to be with, and even tall and also fair in completion. Akpos: Give her my number. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by Jerry2i(m): 8:22pm On Dec 27, 2013 |
Nice collection 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:32pm On Jan 04, 2014 |
Teacher: Akpors, what is a Period? Akpors: I don't know the meaning Sir. But I am very sure it is very dangerous. Teacher: Why Akpors? Akpors: because when my sister said that she didn’t see her period for 5months, my mum fainted, my dad got a heart attack and our driver ran away…. So I don’t think Period is a good thing |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:49pm On Jan 09, 2014 |
AKPORS DOING EXAMS Q: Why are condoms transparent? A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted! Q: What is the new AIDS awareness slogan? A: Try different positions withthe same woman instead of same position with different women. Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30times faster? A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death. Q: Why do 90% girls have left asses bigger than right? A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed. Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN? A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY.. it is SHOWTIME! Q: what does a Signboard outside a prostitute's house say A: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy Give akpos a score over hundred |
Re: Mr. Akpors by chuqudy(m): 9:36am On Aug 11, 2014 |
Akpors who has been absent from school for two days, Monday and Tuesday, attended school on Wednesday. Mrs Maheeda, his class teacher, while teaching, sighted Akpors and the following heated discussion ensued. Mrs Maheeda: Akpors why didn't you come to school on Monday? Akpors: I washed my underpants on Sunday but it couldn't dry before Monday so I couldn't come to school. Mrs. Maheeda: Ok. What about on Tuesday? Was your pant still wet? Akpors: Nooooooo!. I started for school, Miss, and as I passed your house I saw your under pants drying on the line, so I thought you would not be going to school.” Maheeda, fell down and rolled on the floor laughing For more unique jokes see http://..com/ |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 5:51pm On Nov 07, 2014 |
In a literature class,the teacher asked,"who can tell us a TOUCHING STORY"?? Akpos stood up and said madam,one day a boy and a girl were inside a room,The boy looked at the girl and touched her,the girl touched him back. After 2minutes,the boy touched the girl twice,the girl touched him back thrice. Later on,the boy stood up and touched the girl,the girl smiled and touched him back.. At last the boy moved closer to the girl,GUESS WHAT!!?? Teacher: what's that ?? Akpos: they started touching each other.....!! Ma,isn't that a TOUCHING STORY?!!! Teacher fainted.... |
Re: Mr. Akpors by PrettySpicey(f): 10:36pm On Nov 07, 2014 |
liljboy: So long I enjoyed your jokes, liljboy. Still got it I see |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 6:53am On Nov 08, 2014 |
PrettySpicey:lol..... how are you |
Re: Mr. Akpors by PrettySpicey(f): 8:24am On Nov 08, 2014 |
liljboy: I'm good. Hope you are too |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 9:34am On Nov 08, 2014 |
PrettySpicey:yea yea yea..... just holding on |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:52pm On Dec 15, 2014 |
Once many professors were called and asked to sit in an airplane. After they sat. They were informed that the plane is made by their students. All of them ran and got out of plane except one - prof akpors. People asked him the reason Akpors said,"If it's made by my students it will not even start." |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:39pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
TEACHER: you call your Mother as MUM. What will you call your Mother’s Younger Sister & Elder Sister? Akpor: So simple, i’ll call them MINIMUM & MAXIMUM 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:43pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Akpos’s wife was busy singing in the bedroom. The following conversation ensued: Akpos: You know my dear, when you sing like that I just wish you were on a radio. Wife: (smiling) wow honey. Am I that good? Akpos: No, at least on a radio I can change the station… 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:44pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his father: Father: Akpos, how was your exams today? Akpos: It was very difficult so I didn’t even go to the exams center. Father: Ah! If you didn’t go there, how do you know that it was difficult? Akpos: I saw the questions yesterday. 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:45pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
AKPORS THE BREAD WINNER Journalist: Mr. Akpors, first of all, is it true that you are the bread winner in your family. Akpors : I am not hearing that allegation for the first time, I have been hearing it for some time, I know this allegation is coming from my political enemies who want to tarnish my image. I want to tell you that I have never been in any competition to win bread. Ask them where I won that bread. If anyone saw me entering a competition to win bread, then they must provide the evidence otherwise I will start suing anyone saying I am a bread winner, yes including you reporters and your newspapers... |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:46pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Akpos came late to school and his teacher asked, "Akpos, why are u late to school?" He replied, "My papa dey find his money for house." The teacher asked again, "Are u helping him to find it?" Akpos answered, "No, I was standing on it till he comot for house." Hahahahahahaha. |
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