In a biology exam, students were
asked to draw female
reproductive organ.
As the exam
was progressing, a girl looked
between her legs.
Then Akpors
shouted "excuse me sir, she is
copying from original copy

AKPORS AND THE EGG SELLER

Akpors: How much are ur eggs?

Egg seller: BIG ones go for N30, SMALL ones
N25 and CRACKED ones N5.

Akpors hands her N30 and says, "Crack me 6 BIG ones"

Teacher:give one exclamation sound
Akpors: yahoo!!!!

Mama Akpors beat
Akpors 4 stealin.

She den asked
him do u knw where ur stealin will
lead u?"

Apkos Reply :''Yes''."Natio­nal
Assembly!"

Musa & Akpors dey scatter fight outside examination hall, classmates gather.

Wetin happen na?

Akpors: Dis idiot copy me 4 exam!
Musa: Copy wetin? I no write anything, na blank sheet i submit!

Akpors: Una don see am? Na blank sheet I submit too!
The examiner go think say we copy from each other!

Who mumu pass ??

NAMING CEREMONY

Akpors insisted that his first child must bear his name.

So on the day of naming...
Rev: Which name would u like ur child to bear?
Akpors (with smile all over his face) replied; Akpors.

Rev: NO! He has to bear an English name.
Akpors: Oh ok... Akporsking.

Rev (Obviously tired of the prank): LISTEN! Ur son should be named after a saint in the Bible.

Akpors: Na wa o...
(He thought for a while and obviously with an inspiration and great smile)

"Ok pastor; St. Akporstus"

The baby passed out laughing...

Ekaitte came home early and
found Her Husband Akpors in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
And she was upset. 'You are a
disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How
dare you do this to me -- a faithful
wife, the mother of your children!
I'm leaving you. I want a divorce
right away!'

And Akpors replied,'
Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'
'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but
they'll be the last words you'll say
to me!'

And then Akpors began --
'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless
that I took pity on her and let her
into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin,
not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten
for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the Fufu I made for you last
night, the ones you wouldn't eat
because you're afraid you'll put
on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-
up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them
away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I
gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear
that was your anniversary
present, which you don't wear
because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister
gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you
bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone
at work has a pair the same.'

Akpors took a quick breath
and continued - 'She was so
grateful for my understanding
and help that as I walked her to
the door, she turned to me with
tears in her eyes and said,

'Please .
..... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?
Then i... i... Gave her the d...

A man built a room with
250 blocks and later
turned it to a
school,with him being
the headmaster.
Whenever his students
offend him, he would
tell them to go and give
the wall 50 punches.
Two students (Musa
and Akpors) offended
him on a day, after his
orders, Musa started
punching the wall.

He was crying heavily
but the headmaster did
not tell him to leave
until he finished the 50
punches.
He told the second guy
Akpors to go and do
like wise

Akpors: rubbish.
Headmaster: for saying
that, its now 100
punches for you.
Akpors: nonsense.
Headmaster: now 200
punches.
Akpors went towards
the wall, as he gave the
wall a punch (gbooooo), ­
a block fell down from
the wall.
Headmaster: what's
that.

Akpors: nothing...Gbooo ­ ­
oo(another block falls).
Headmaster: you can go
and sit down.
Akpors: that would be
total injustice, the other
guy finished his
punishment, i also want
to finish my
own...gboooo,gbooo,gboooo(bloc ­ ks falling down).

Headmaster: i said go
and sit down.
Akpors: that would be
cheating on the other
student...gbooo ­ ,gboooo,gbooo
(blocks falling down).

Headmaster: can't i
instruct you, am i not
old enough to be your
father.?

Akpors: for mentioning
my fathers' name,
i've increased my
punishment to 250
punches.

The headmaster knelt
down.
Headmaster:my good
son,take it easy, i know
this building is already
going down, but please
pardon the foundation.

*should Akpors accept
his apology or not?*

Akpors was busy writing while
the Teacher was talking
Teacher : Akpors what are you
doing ?
Akpors : I am writing a letter.
Teacher : To who ?
Akpors : To myself.
Teacher : What's inside the Letter.
Akpors : How the hell am I
supposed to know, I haven't
received it yet!

Mr 419: Hello, how are you?
Akpos: Fine! Pls, who am i speaking with?.
Mr 419: Ha, don't u remember me, who do u know in London dat culd be calling?.
Akpos: (Sensing a scam & threw in a trap) Ejiro! Is dat u?
Mr 419: Of course, of course, this is Ejiro, i amEjiro, how come u didn't recognise my voice?.

Akpos: Ejiro! Chei, you are a bad boy o. Your Father died, you didn't even show up or send a letter. O boy, ur children go pay you back. You no hear of him death, he was so bitter and full of curses for u.

Mr 419: (Obviously subdued)I didn't hear o!. Iwould have come.
Akpos: Did u hear your Mother had leprosy?. U didn't hear about dat too abi?.
Mr 419: (Now uncomfortable) No, i didn't hear.

Akpos: Na wa o! Your wife foolish too?. I neva hear from her since d two of una marry without our blessings!. If Husband no wise, wife no go wise?.

Mr 419: She is fine! I'm sure she'll get across to u. I have an issue to discuss with u.
Akpos: Enhen! Ejiro, you offend me. I send u money make you buy me Hummer Jeep, u disappear. When am i having my money back?. U want make i curse you like ur Father.I go pronounce wicked curses on you o.

Mr 419: Dis issue dat i want to say is very important.
Akpos: Shut up!. When u go send money come home?. We sent u to school, clothed you & sent u abroad. U don become 419?. Wey won steal from me, ur own friend?. Oboy, ur Father was right to curse you, you can't escape it if u continue like this.

Mr 419: Don't worry, i will repay you ur money. For now, i have an issue to discuss with u.
Akpos: Hahahahaha, look here Mr 419, i no know any Ejiro or anybody 4 London, i jus wan teach u lesson.

Mr 419: Whaat! Mad man, and you have been insulting and wasting ma credit since morning. God go judge u o

I was in Abuja to see my uncle @ 8 am the secretary told me to come back by 2pm that Oga (boss) is not around. So, I had to hang around till 2 pm. By 1 pm, I was so hungry cos I had not eaten since morning & I was left with N200 as last card. I was unable to get a local canteen to eat FUFU or EBA. All I saw were big hotels. I began to feel dizzy so, I decided to find a solution. In my front, there was a powerful 5 star hotel. So, I cleaned my rugged shoe, adjusted myself & entered the hotel. At d lobby, the waiter asked: are u here to see somebody or you want to lodge in?
I said my name is Akpors, lodging. He told me the least room was N47k per night. I said no problem dis place is lovely, just like the hotel I slept yesterday in Dubai on my way from United states. He said thank you sir. I asked; can I pay in hard currency as I've not changed my dollars? He told me no problem. Ok where is your restaurant I need to eat 1st.He lead me to the restaurant & he told the chef to treat me well cos I was a new customer & that I just came back from US! The chef welcomed me & gave me menu list. I ordered for Pounded yam, EFO RIRO (vegetable soup), Snail & catfish!
The chef told me it will be ready in 30 mins. I asked for the bar so I can step down before the food ready and he pointed me the executive bar mainly for VIP's. I requested for assorted pepper soup & Spanish Red wine. I drank 2 bottles of the wine & 2 plates of soup & the bill was N34k (A wine N10k per bottle, soup N7k per plate). I moved on to eat my food & Dbill for food was N40k. Total was N74k & I had N200. Sweat began 2 come out of my face despite the AC. They began 2 suspect that I didn't have money so the security & staffs began to gather around me.
I said to my self 'Akpors what can I do?'.
I dialed my phone no on my 2nd phone, I picked & said: Yes Man, the bomb is still with me not yet exploded, OK in next 2 min... Wao, I'm proud to be suicide bomber, & now is even better as a lot of people are around me! Before I dropped my phone, I couldn't see anybody in the hotel again even in d street!

The C.E.O. was walking in d factory, he noticed
a guy leaning against the wall, looking
somewhere.. He approched d man & asked
him, "How much do you earn?"
guy was amazed n said, "2000, sir."
CEO took out wallet n gave the guy 6000 n
told him, "I pay people here 2 work n not 2
waste time.. This is ur 3 month's salary n now
get out of here NEVER come back.."
The CEO now looked at other workers &
asked, "Who was that guy?"
Workers replied, "He was akpors d pizza delivery guy
sir..."

During testimony time in church last Sunday,16-year old pastor's daughter stood up and
says, 'Praise thy lord'.

Everybody shouted, Hallelujah.

She continue... Since the tender age of 13, I've been experiencing monthly period with so much pain but now after a series of bible studies and prayer with Bro Akpors, our Sunday school teacher in his house, my monthly periods has ceased for more than 3 months now.

You can see I'm even getting fatter and prettier.

Praise thy Lord... The Pastor fainted...

What would you have done if you are the pastor?

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have? Akpors: A fight!

Musa: My Girlfriend Bday na tomorrow, how I fit take Surprise am.. Akpors: Introduce her to your Wife

20 Ways To Know If You Are Cursed.
1. After working for 30 days you got fired without salary.
2. If you download anything from the internetand it fails in 99%.
3. If you take cheat into the exam hall and can't understand your own handwriting.
4. If you buy a phone at the rate of 30k today and the price drop to 16k tomorrow
.
5. You go to the restaurant on your first date. and after eating fish, the bone chock you!
6. If you scope a girl, take her to the room and junior does not stand.
7. If u break with your boyfriend and he win 200M UGX the next day.
8. If you use a heavy perfume, your body odour still remain.
9. If you work in a company for 10yrs without promotion or rise in salary.
10. If you lie to Armed robber that you don't have a phone and it rings..
11. If the person that you are cursing in a traffic turns out to be the person interviewing you.
12. If your car spend more time at the mechanic than on the road.
13. If you don't pass both mathematics and english in your final exam.
14. If you get to the exam hall and you can't remember your first name
.
15. If you are signed as the defender for a Europian club and your first task is to mark Lionel messi.
16. If your only child joins the Nigeria police force.
17. If you lie to a Armed robber that you don't have money and your phone start ringing 'chop my money, I don't care'.
18. If you mistake super glue for eye drop.
19. After photoshopping your picture you still look ugly.
20. If a rat eats only your name out of your important document.
Add your's to it.

Great collections.

Teacher: If u have 10 doughnuts and someones asks for 2, how many do u have left?

Akpors: 10 doughnuts.

Teacher (understanding how naughty Akpors could be): Well what if the person forcefully takes 2 doughnuts, what do u have left.

Akpors: 10 DOUGHNUTS AND 1 DEAD BODY!

Akpors got a message from his girl friend on his birthday
''Message Reads ''HBD Boo....LLNP, LYSM TTYL''

Akpors provoked and called her phone
''Kate what is the meaning of HBD LLNP and Those rubbish....

Kate replied Haaa Akpors don't tell me you are this dumb.....and local Oh My Gooosh,you don't even know the meaning of HBD and all that Mtchwwwwww.

Well, HBD means ''Happy Birthday'',LLNP ­ ­ ­ means ''LongIife Nd prosperity'' LYSM means "Love You so much" and TTYL means "Talk to you later" dumbass.

Akpors (angrily ends the call and sent her a text message 2mins later,
Message reads,TFY

Kate called immediately, Akpors what is the meaning of TFY?

Akpors answered Oh u don't even know common TFY After much laugh Akpors replied TFY means: "Thunder fire you

ibro laughing behind Akpors at the ATM machine. I've seen ur Password.

Akpors asked; what is it ?

Ibro: its 4 star **** .

Akpors: Hahahahhahhahah­hahahah. You are such a fool. Well it is 3523

Some journalist were interviewing children across the world on what they would like to become when they GROW up

The first person was an Indian Boy.
What will you like to become when you grow up ,
he answered - I wud like to be a software engineer

second Boy from America - I wud like to be a Neurosurgeon

Boy from china - I would like to become a Pilot
.....the interview continue like that until they got to akpors from Nigeria.

Interviewer: Akpors why ain't you talking, what would you like to become when you grow up,

Akpors anwered -Person wey never chop dey GROW?
give me food abeg!!!

Akpors goes off to Unilag.
Half way through the semester, he has foolishly
squandered all his money.
He call his father at home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern
education is developing! They actually have a program here in Unilag that will
teach our dog,
monkey-boy how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says . "How do I get Monkey-boy into the program?"
Akpors smiling said... "Just send him down here with N10,000" Young Akpors says. "I'll get him
in the course dad." So, his father sends the dog and N10,000.

About two weeks to end the semester, the money again runs out.
Akpors calls home again.
"So how's Monkey-boy(the dog name is monkey- boy) doing son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says,
"but you just won't believe this - they've had such
good results they have started to teach the animals
how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding!
How do we get monkey-boy in that program?"
Akpors smiling said "Just send N20,000, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives.
But our hero (Akpors) has a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives
home at the
end of the year, his father is all excited.
"Where's monkey-boy? I just can't wait to see him
read something and talk!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim
news. Yesterday morning, just before we
left to drive home,
monkey-boy was in the living room, kicked back in
the recliner, reading the Punch Newspaper, like he usually does.
Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy
still messing' around with that little redhead Ekaette who lives in town?" The father exclaimed,"I hope you shot
that son of a
bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

musa a literature teacher was in a
class teaching, wen he finish with
the subject he was teaching, he
asked: can anyone in d class tell
us a very touchin story?

Immediately musa d teacher
completed his words, akpors
stood up and said: i sir!

D teacher
said go on akpors

Akpors: one day,
a boyfriend and his girlfrnd
where 2geda, d boy touch his gf
and d grl touch her bf. D boy
touch d grl again and d grl touch
d boy again and they started
touching each oda until dey
were tired. Isn't dat a touchin
story? Akpors asked.

Akpors and musa were caught in an Northern Country,
sharing a smuggled barrel of beer.
They were arrested and taken to the Sheik's palace for
questioning and judgment.

Akpors lied that musa smuggled and forced him to drink the beer!!
Both were initially given a death sentence but, as it was a national holiday, the sheik decided they should be released after some lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheik said, "It's my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you 2 wishes before your whipping, but you
cannot wish not to be whipped!"

Akpors thought for a second then said: "Please tie two pillows to my back before whipping."
And my second wish is that you flog me only 20 strokes of the whip.
He was whipped, and luckily for him, the pillows helped to make the pain of the whip lesser.

musa saw this; thought for a second, then said: "Thank you, most royal and merciful highness for the wishes.

My first wish is to receive 100 lashes with the strongest, toughest whip available."
"If you so desire,"

Akpors laughed and thought musa was a fool...

The sheik replied with a puzzled look on his face..., " and your second wish?"

musa replies: "Tie Akpors to my back...."

Akpors fainted.

Akpors and his three friends
where talking about their wives,

The first guy said "when my wife
was pregnant she read, the novel:
the 2 cities and gave birth 2
twins".

The second guy said, his wife read
the 3 musketeers and gave birth 2
triplet.

Akpors stood up shouting like a mad man and started running heading home
when asked why? he then said
"my wife is pregnant and she's reading alibaba and the 40
thieves wen i left home!"

Teacher: Akpors, recite A-Z and
what each alphabet stand for..
Akpors:
A for-Adobe
B for-bluetooth
C for-chat
D for-download
E for-email
F for-facebook
G for-google
H for-hotmail
I for-iphone
J for-Java
K for-kingston
L for-laptop
M for-messenger
N for-NOKIA
O for-outlook
P for-print
Q for-QuickTime
R for-RAM
S for-Server
T for-Touch Screen
U for-U S B
V for-Version
W for-wifi1
X for-xbox360
Y for-YouTube
Help akpors with `Z'.. ok ZINOX

The Hot Girl next to AKPOS in class fell asleep.. AKPOS immediately fell asleep too so he can tell his friends he slept with her

PHONE RINGS!!

Chichi : hello

Akpos :my love how are you doing?

Chichi: am fine.

Akpos :will you be less bzy by weekend to come to my house?

Chichi :am sorry love I can't make it because I will be attending my aunty's wedding and the next day is de thanks giving
in church,am so occupied.

Akpos :i wanted to take you out for shopping to surprise you with blackberrytorch and the brazilianhair u've been askin for.

Chichi :i will be coming and i may even spend a weekend if u want my love.

Akpos :what about the wedding?

Chichi :which wedding? I was just joking.

Akpos :me too love!

How Many Like For Akpos

Akpors sat in a bar and was very moody.?Soni goes over and asks; Akpors, wetin happen?

A very sad looking Akpors replied: I borrow musa N2million to do facial surgery, and now I no fit recognize am to collect my money back.

AKPORS IS WICKED

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and killed everyone.
Upon arrival in heaven, God says "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven."
The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says "I wish to be beautiful." God grants her wish.
The next person can’t decide on what to wish for so ends up wishing for the same thing.
At this point Akpors at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple of people make their wish to become beautiful and Akpors at the end laughs even louder.One after another the people wish the same thing and the closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder Akpors laughs.
When God finally reaches him, he asks "What is your wish my son?"
Akpors says, "Make them all ugly again!"

lil jboy: AKPORS IS WICKED

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and killed everyone.
Upon arrival in heaven, God says "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven."
The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says "I wish to be beautiful." God grants her wish.
The next person can’t decide on what to wish for so ends up wishing for the same thing.
At this point Akpors at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple of people make their wish to become beautiful and Akpors at the end laughs even louder.One after another the people wish the same thing and the closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder Akpors laughs.
When God finally reaches him, he asks "What is your wish my son?"
Akpors says, "Make them all ugly again!"

dis ur last joke made me laugh..

Little Akpors was in his math's class one day when the teacher
singled him out.
"If I gave you $20," the teacher began,"And you gave $5 to Mary,
$5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?"
"An orgy," Akpors answered.