busolayemi: Sumtyms I wonda aw dis men cope b4 dey got married...its ppl like dem dat kip a dirty room nd patronize mama bash's stupidly prepared meal...gosh!

Fallacy of irrelevant conclusion.pride @ is zenith

busolayemi: gone r dose days wen I av tym for responses on nairaland...buh u c madea, forget bou women emancipation...I tink its only normal a man helps his wife...its not jst bou gender equality buh mayb ma background...I av such a lovin dad who wudnt allow ma mum ovastress hersef...dats minus d fact dat a bigger chunk of d financial stress is on him. For instance, he doesn't allow ma mum wake up at nyt to care for d baby as long has d baby's weaned...most nyt, I wake up nd see him in d livin room, carryin d baby on his chest or his neck...jst to lessen d stress for mummy...nd I can't rememba eva seein dem argue talkless fight...so u c, if u feel am talkin cos of waeva ur reasons, den u nid to get to sum homes...I dnt tink it remove anytin frm a man to help his wife out...yes, d wife shdnt take advantage of dat buh at d same tym...men shd learn to help more....wat do u say of men dat can't even cook...if their wife isn't dere, dey turn to mama bash n eateries...I dnt get african men...so complicated...God bless ma hubby thoe...he's a blessin to me*kissesdearie*

Your hubby and your dad are weaklings. Simple. They are wrong representations of MAN. Let me ask, your dad must have also been waking up in the midnight to wash your mother's g-string and bra abi?

I am against those men dt tink dt helpn their wives wit house chores is like lowering demselves..such men are proud,arrogant,they are like dictators in their house,they care abt wat oda pple tink of dem.but wats d big deal helpn out?am nt sayn its by force but helpn out shudnt lower ur self esteem as a man if u truly love ur famly.and for those ladies dt said dey dnt evn want their husbands to help out,hmmn...I hail o..German machine!time will tell

;DThere is no hard and fast rule as to duties as far as i am concerned. everything is culture based as far as i am concerned.
people are different and whatever works for them in the marriage is cool. i have female colleagues that are bread winners in their homes and its all good. ;DThere is no hard and fast rule as to duties as far as i am concerned. everything is culture based as far as i am concerned.
people are different and whatever works for them in the marriage is cool. i have female colleagues that are bread winners in their homes and its all good.

There is nothing wrong with a woman working and helping her husband is just because some men are so wicked that when they see a woman supporting them in house need they will live every thing for the woman to cater for and they will expect the woman to become a wife, mother, housekeeper. Mother and a girlfriend to them.

victorian:

You've said it , as it is... Thumbs up.... But I wonder the mindset some women av these days...it baffles me, sha.. For marriage to be peaceful and loving, it can never be 50-50. ... A man cannot be a woman because he is married.. Nah, not logical.. Thank God, am not lazy.

that this is your view doesn't mean this is the only recipe for a peaceful and loving marriage. What do you mean marriage cannot be 50 - 50? Like I the other poster I quoted, please stop implying it's a shame to be a woman. If you don't like a man that cleans or cooks, it's onk BUT please don't deride the men that see nothing wrong in helping their wives with domsetic chores. What is not logical to you is logical to someone else. Thanks.

bukatyne: Can you just explain to me what you find offensive in the post you quoted?

I find everything offensive,marriage is not a competition of independence in anyway. So one woman bron of a woman will expect it as a point of duty for ME(ifihearam)to clean and cook for her(thunder fire her life)why??I dey mad ni? Fine I can do things on my own afterall am nt a dirty sweet man.

I was in capetown sometimes ago and the apartment I shared with a congolese,so we shared kitchen and bathroom,I was cooking one fateful day after washing my dishes when this babe who was also cooking just dropped a bowl where I was washing ad said"please wash it for me" omo if you see my reaction that day,she apologised her heart out,I was very furious,I told her never to repeat this rubbish. She was like,she sends her boyfriend on errands and does house chores for her. I warned her never to try it with me as a matter of fact by all standard she ought to wash my dishes as my tradition demands and she apologised once more and offered to wash my dishes and from there she fell in love with me for being able to handle her.

I can cook for my family once in a very long while(if body sweet me)but for my babe or wife to make it a responsibility then she is tired of the marriage or relationship.

JallowBah:

If my husband spend our money on a househelp that I never met to come and help me while I was sick instead of taking care of me himself..well, that is not what I consider a nice thing to do. At all.

And that would make me look at him as lazy as well.

Ah, eleyi ti ya were o! So, your expecting me to leave my busy bank job to cater for your sick booty when i can afford a house help eh? Are you sure you're not sick presently?

lindiwey: I am against those men dt tink dt helpn their wives wit house chores is like lowering demselves..such men are proud,arrogant,they are like dictators in their house,they care abt wat oda pple tink of dem.but wats d big deal helpn out?am nt sayn its by force but helpn out shudnt lower ur self esteem as a man if u truly love ur famly.and for those ladies dt said dey dnt evn want their husbands to help out,hmmn...I hail o..German machine!time will tell

Sometimes, I wonder what some people understand marriage to be. It's well. Anyways, everyman to his own.

bukatyne: that this is your view doesn't mean this is the only recipe for a peaceful and loving marriage. What do you mean marriage cannot be 50 - 50? Like I the other poster I quoted, please stop implying it's a shame to be a woman. If you don't like a man that cleans or cooks, it's onk BUT please don't deride the men that see nothing wrong in helping their wives with domsetic chores. What is not logical to you is logical to someone else. Thanks.

I know you are yoruba and u must be very lazy no offence. The earlier you change this mentality the better,I don't feel like insulting you because am an apostle of peace.

Michky: Your hubby and your dad are weaklings. Simple. They are wrong representations of MAN. Let me ask, your dad must have also been waking up in the midnight to wash your mother's g-string and bra abi?

Na jazz ooooo. Don't you watch it in movies.

ifihearam:

I find everything offensive,marriage is not a competition of independence in anyway. So one woman bron of a woman will expect it as a point of duty for ME(ifihearam)to clean and cook for her(thunder fire her life)why??I dey mad ni? Fine I can do things on my own afterall am nt a dirty sweet man.

I was in capetown sometimes ago and the apartment I shared with a congolese,so we shared kitchen and bathroom,I was cooking one fateful day after washing my dishes when this babe who was also cooking just dropped a bowl where I was washing ad said"please wash it for me" omo if you see my reaction that day,she apologised her heart out,I was very furious,I told her never to repeat this rubbish. She was like,she sends her boyfriend on errands and does house chores for her. I warned her never to try it with me as a matter of fact by all standard she ought to wash my dishes as my tradition demands and she apologised once more and offered to wash my dishes and from there she fell in love with me for being able to handle her.

I can cook for my family once in a very long while(if body sweet me)but for my babe or wife to make it a responsibility then she is tired of the marriage or relationship.

Every man to his own. I don't think any human being is bigger than been told to help expect you know that the girl can't do the same for you. As for the girl, she is a disgrace to womanhood. She fell in love with you because you can handle her and her boyfriend is somewhere thinking of everything to make her happy!

lindiwey: I am against those men dt tink dt helpn their wives wit house chores is like lowering demselves..such men are proud,arrogant,they are like dictators in their house,they care abt wat oda pple tink of dem.but wats d big deal helpn out?am nt sayn its by force but helpn out shudnt lower ur self esteem as a man if u truly love ur famly.and for those ladies dt said dey dnt evn want their husbands to help out,hmmn...I hail o..German machine!time will tell

Smh don't even go there make I nor vex.

ifihearam:

I know you are yoruba and u must be very lazy no offence. The earlier you change this mentality the better,I don't feel like insulting you because am an apostle of peace.

:Like I say, each man to his own. you don't know me so I wouldn't take offence to anything you say. If this 'mentality' is working for me, why should I change it?

Truckpusher: you're on point....op did you reason the last phrase ?..."each to their own"...because after destroying your union you'll come here and disturb us again

Help me tell her. Devils messangers of the endtime

JallowBah: He works, I works.
He pays, I pay ( house, food, bills. )
I buy my own beauty-things with my own money, he buys whatever he needs with his money.
I clean, he clean.
I cook, he cook.
I get up with the kid in the night, so does he. ( After breastfeeding stopped.. )

And for me, that is how I want it. I do not wish to go to my husband and ask for money for clothes, shoes, or a coffee for that matter. And I do not wish to put the whole responsibility for bills on him either.

contact number pls,i don see wife o!

the line of duty in a home is very thin right now , it all depends, i think there should be no status quo ,do what works for you in your home .
the norm is for the man to take up major responsibilities in the home but again what if for some reason he is not able to ? does the home stop running ? what if for some reason the woman due to ill health is not able to perform her so called wifely duties, does the home stop running? the home is like a ship ,everybody pitches in to ensure smooth sailing, all hands on deck i beg .

People go into a marriage thinking that there is a particular template for a successful home, there really isn't, what works for your friend might not work for you .DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU, YOUR UNION IS UNIQUE.

dnawah: contact number pls,i don see wife o!

lol!!!!!!

@ifIHearAm..there is no big deal bro dts y understandn is key in evry relationship..dt chic dt tld u to wash her plate is a diff case cos dt was rude.am not talkn about a controlling wife or galfrend here.so wt if ur wife dt hs bn so busy all day nw pleads wit u witout bn rude to assist her wit one or two things,wat will b ur reactn? Is it dt u can't assist because of ur ego? Where is d love na?

I believe everybody is entitled to whatever they feel would work for them. What I don't understand is people implying a marriage will not work if the husband helps in chores or whatever. Have the proponents of the idea considered if the husband loves his wife and wants to help? How then would the marriage fail? Must everyone's marriage be the same way? Some women see it as a taboo to contribute financially in their homes. Some would drop the money gladly before the man asks. Does it mean that all marriages operating on either platform would fail? Every couple should determine what works for them and make sure they are true to each other before marriage. If you know it belittles you to do house chores, Don't start it during courtship. Don't even enter the kitchen or lift a finger when she's working. If you as a woman will not drop a dime at home, please don't even contribute N1 to anything he does. Why? You are unconsciously giving your partner hope that you will do these things in the marriage and problem starts when after marriage either partner decides to show his or her 'true' colors. A man/woman would be foolish to expect after marriage what the other partner never did before marriage. There is a man/woman for every body. All the best.

@Obi123,well said! God bless ur home

busolayemi: @ Kingwax...ur jst sum annoyin nd disgustin piece of trash who's needs to b noticed...nd yes, u r noticed so parkwell. Nd ur supporter, well av not yet noticed u o...buh I tink ur followin a saddist...chk out his responses...he rily sound like a saddist. Now, to d issue at hand, I have a very caring husband who knos we both work n so knos well dat I nid d help. Wat I dnt get is, if u actually love a woman like u claim to, y allow n watch er crush unda d stress of housechores in d name of bein d head of d family....wats rong in helping er out on sum of dem Forget foreign n africa culture....we r al human...little wonda sum women looks like trash in 2yrs of marriage...is it easy ni? To takia of children, d home, d kitchen nd den a grown up man....I love ma man...God bless u for me....I dnt pray a memba of ma family fall victim of a man like kingmax...nd am so suo d idiot is an igbo man...dey c their wives as properties anyway....if u aint..den I tink u deserve an xplanatn frm ur mom...cos dat blood flows in u

And how do you help him out when he is under the stress of providing for you and the future of the kids? And about the igbo part? Please don't expose your ignorance. Women are strong actors in igbo society. Study the Ohafia and Afikpo groups who have a strong female inheritance system. And where were the 'educated' yoruba ladies when the Igbo women organised the Aba women's riot as far back as 1929? Stick to the question and leave your tribal sentiments in your bedroom!

LesbianBoy:
GBAM! Guys pls take note of the highlighted part! And pls do not allow any girl here decieve you that her husband or dad 'helps out'! These are tricks LAZY GIRLS use to make we men change our mentality!

poor mentality

A mans role in the family is to hussle and feed the family anf bleeps...if money too dey and the woman no dey enjoy the Bleep or the man lame!!!! I pity the rich fool..another man or small boy go dey do the work!!

ifihearam:

Help me tell her. Devils messangers of the endtime

no mind them these girls oh....we dun see them tire... by the time they see your wedding card in the office they'll beef you like you're the one that kept Nigeria the way it is

why R you guys just ranting over an issue that when maturedly handled isnt a big deal atol. really not puting sentiments into husband/wife roles in the house (specialy our african mentality), they are both supposed to be each other's helper. Not minding wether its finance or domestic.

.

bukatyne: OP, there are different types of homes and how they are run. In some homes, the wife contributes nothing and the husband does not do house work. In Some, the wife contributes and the man does nada. In some, They work hand - in - hand to make their home work. Every couple decide either consciously or unconsciously how they want their home to be and live if that. If your hubby helps you in domestic work, appreciate it because there are many who don't. If you help him in finances, let him be grateful because some wives will not help even if the man is dying.

u make sense..THE VIRTUEOUS WOMAN OF OUR TIME..i love U!

To eat, shyt, phuck and sleep.

bukatyne: Sweetheart, I wouldn't bash you but the bolded is wrong. Everyone have their preference but a wife who does those things is not a slave or a maid.

You started it. Now I don't believe you. If we come to your house, maybe the reverse of what you telling us might be playing out in your house. You are yet to apologize to the men on this thread for the derogatory statements you made.

.

@busolayemi.... "stoneage or 22nd century". the topic in question has notting to do with time. its been there long ago. God created the woman to be the man's companion. marriage means oneness. so i feel its not right to stereotype marital roles, as it is not right to leave all financial duties of the house to anyone (wife,husband), cos even if the wife cant help financially she has to support her husband if at least morally, so is it not right for the husband to leave all domestic duties to the wife.... Remember support is one of the factors that makes a marriage work. Both parties have to be supportive of each other anyway anyhow.