in a family in which both spouses are working, should the bills be shared? and if so, in what format?

bills include nepa, petrol for the generator, DSTV, workers wages, food, household goods, etc

how should all these be paid for - should they make an equal 50/50 contribution? or should it be proportional to their salaries,  or should it be the husbands responsibility to pay  the bills because this is the man's 'traditional' role?

in my conversations with nigerian women, a lot of them seem to be of the opinion that paying the bills is the man's responsibility. while i can understand this in a single income earner household, i find it unfair that some consider it perfectly acceptable in a household where both are earning salaries. anyway, what do y'all think?

Nothing is ever 50/50 even love!  It is a partnership! Like a see-saw! Up and down and up and down. . . . only temporary periods of equilibrium. The reason I encourage both parties to work outside of the home. In 2009. . . .one person cannot do it all. . . .if you try it,. . . .you lose your life and your sanity! You place your whole family in an an uncomfortable situation including a very uncertain feature with putting all your fragile eggs in one basket.

Yes, the man should pay more since the woman runs the home.  I personally do not want a "baby-sitter" husband. . . that is easy work.  I need him to make money and I am only there for 'back up". . .just in case he loses his job and or he falls sick.  My primary responsiblities are my kids!  His primary responsiblity. . . heading the household like all the "holy books" have shouted to the world!  I can never give up ma kids to be a bread winner sorry, if I can help it! Not interested in being a "super coporate woman"!  I am only a helper!  But things do change and you learn to roll with the punches till you can get things back on track!

Even if you make exactly the same amount of money. . . . .you do not spend exactly the same amount of money always. . . .we all have other family responsibilties like our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and so on and and so forth we have to help individually from within any given marriage.

Who ever makes more. . . . .pays more!  As long as the bills are all paid. . . no wahala.  All fingers are not equal.

When you have a family to feed. . . . . who does what really does not matter as long as all work together.  Where problems come up is if there is something bothering the couple. . . . lack of trust, infidelity, financial problems, extra-familial interference, medical conditions, lack of planning and just plain rivalry and jealousy. . . . then couples start to fight amongst themselves since one party feels cheated.

All things being seldom equal, it does not matter who makes more. . . .like Nike says. . .JUST DO IT!. . . .and quit complaining. . . the bills have to be paid!   The children must play their games and eat cereal. . . no body really cares how the man and the woman do it.

should be split of course.

pick which ones each wanna pay and you do so. simple. Of course if the difference in salaries are quite high, one is gonna have to pay more than the other but it shold still be split in some way.

oyb I like this ya topic o
Is madam refusing to bring her money?

I believe like the other ladies have said that a husband and wife in todays world ought to share the responsibilities.
Typically the man earns more so he should pay more.

I believe a couple ought to sit down and draw a budget.
and know exactly what comes in and goes out from their income
But a woman always should have her own checking/current account and manage it herself.

Typically if the man earns more,he ought to take up the big ticket items like mortgages/rent,insurances for cars,home,heating,electric,day care.
Madam can help out with cable,water,trash collection,food,phone.
Each person should pay their cell phone and credit cards if they have any.
Each one should pay their own school loans if they have any not rolled into the home.

Money issues have caused countless divorces and each couple should do what works for them.

Osisi you have spoken such sense. I too believe even in marriage seperate accounts are needed. Money causes so many problems its crazy. Some women are just plain greedy, waiting for a man to do everything. If you both work you both work out who pays what.
Marriage is a partnership you cant be a stay at home mum forever one day will come when a woman will have to work and help pay the God damn bills!

@topic,i think it should be spilt btw both parties though not 50/50.Basically the MAN of the house pays more while the woman pays for the little meagre stuffs.

Yes they should split the bills and ofcox have diff account individually even if they both have a joint account.

If na me sha I no go split the bills na de man go pay for all de bills wetin I earn na my pocket money.

sista-jay:

If na me sha I no go split the bills na de man go pay for all de bills wetin I earn na my pocket money.

ebelebe Igba !

Should be based on one's income, with the higher wage earner assuming a larger percentage of the bills.

@ Topic,

In a marriage I personally believe it is essential for

both parties to own up to the responsibilities of the household,

Every man/woman must contribute, and put in their own quota,

Yes they can split bills but into two unequal parts. And mine lesser of course. Cos if equal, i feel like i have a mate.

I mean, tho i fantasize to be rich, i want my hubby richer.

I'll never split bills with my girl.
Dats the only way i can always be fully in control.

^ Beware of psychos.

hammers:

I'll never split bills with my girl.
Dats the only way i can always be fully in control.

Very right .anyman who splits the bill fifty fifty , cannever be fully in charge , two captains in a boat

You Nigerians have a twisted view of marriage. It's quite disgusting.

The guy can pay the mortgage and fees with the house.
I wouldn't mind doing the bills. Like electric, cable, etc.
I think it's best to have a joint account as well as seperate. I want MY money as well as OUR money.

i'm quite traditional so i tend to lean towards the idea that the man of the house paves the way in financial issues in a home (just for myself though, not generalising) I would rather my wife use her money to treat the kids & herself always, and me occasionally and attend to her business interests.

that said, it's only right that a working woman does her part in the financial setup of a home. afterall she was made to be a "helper" to the man.

hammers:

I'll never split bills with my girl.
Dats the only way i can always be fully in control.

what you are really saying is you aren't earning a salary and are not married.

don't worry, when you start paying nepa, school fees, car maintenance, rent, feeding, cable, etc alone, and you are unable to save more than 20% of your salary, while madam is saving 95% of hers, ( and thus has a lot more free money )you will know who is really in control.

my fellow men and their pursuit of 'control' - anyway to each is own - some women obviously like to be under control. . .

My wife pays the council tax and I pay every other bill; including putting petrol in her car sometimes and servicing it. She just dey chance me anyhow

I will go with Nwando's point. Well articulated.

Blatant:

My wife pays the council tax and I pay every other bill; including putting petrol in her car sometimes and servicing it. She just dey chance me anyhow

chancing you? no you are in control . . .you are the sole captain of the ship - (even if you wife has all the free cash )

D-reloaded:

You Nigerians have a twisted view of marriage. It's quite disgusting.

Hopefully you're not a Nigerian

Please dont ever marry a Nigerian. Go and find your type

oyb:

chancing you? no you are in control . . .you are the sole captain of the ship - (even if you wife has all the free cash )

Although I am the head of the family, we are still in a partnership. She sure has more money tucked away from earnings than me BUT she knows that I can command more things than she can.

Make I no talk too much

oyb:

my fellow men and their pursuit of 'control' - anyway to each is own - some women obviously like to be under control. . .

Lol exactly. It's pretty sick.

I dont think splitting it 50 - 50 is the tight thing to do.
I think if the wife can, then she can support her man with regards to bills etc.

D-reloaded:

Lol exactly. It's pretty sick.

it's actually sick for a woman to seek complete independence.

No wonder some girls here have plenty of miserable years ahead of them

Adeboo, nice pic

Blatant, why do you constantly feel the need to respond to my comments? Is it by force

In case you havent noticed, I usually ignore you on purpose as all you ever direct towards me is snide and juvenile comments that frankly I don't care for. I don't refer anything to you so it'd be nice if you could do the same

Who the hell said anything about complete independence? Unless you're blind, i believe I made it clear that I believe when it come sto family situations, bills should be split. The same oyb I was agreeing with, I don't see you bothering him.

There's a reason some guys want complete control with such things. It's because if they decide to waste the money that should be for the family on something stupid and irrelevant, they can say to their wives "well it's MY money, so you have no right to speak". Bills and such should be split so the marriage is more of a partnership and husband and wife can then make decisions TOGETHER. I know that's such a foreign/"westernized" concept for some control freaks.

Seriously leave me be. Thank You.

nwando:

oyb I like this ya topic o
Is madam refusing to bring her money?

I believe like the other ladies have said that a husband and wife in todays world ought to share the responsibilities.
Typically the man earns more so he should pay more.

I believe a couple ought to sit down and draw a budget.
and know exactly what comes in and goes out from their income
But a woman always   should have her own checking/current account and manage it herself.

Typically if the man earns more,he ought to take up the big ticket items like mortgages/rent,insurances for cars,home,heating,electric,day care.
Madam can help out with cable,water,trash collection,food,phone.
Each person should pay their cell phone and credit cards if they have any.
Each one should pay their own school loans if they have any not rolled into the home.

Money issues have caused countless divorces and each couple should do what works for them.

I agree with @nwando above quote.

Based on my previous marriage experience, I struggled with my ex-husband who disagreed with me about ought to share responsibilities: husband should take up big ticket items while wife take up small ticket items to help out each other. He came from big city poor project even I came from small rural farming town. Both have jobs and have two children to be raised with. I was taught about rresponsibilityand conservation by my parent while my ex-husband lack of managing financial obligations but constantly spending money recklessly and lavishly.

_{Marriage counseling does not work well. I was forced getting into marriage by my hearing parent two reasons: deafness and wedlock pregnant. Ex-husband and I are deaf.}

As of result I filed for divorce on the ground of irreconcile difference and cruel harsh domestic violence. Eight years later after my divorce was official finalized, my ex-husband confessed telling me that he was gambling addict (and many negative traits he has) and has forgiven me for hurt, threaten, and destroyed my life. He now has lengthy illness---he is just only 40ish---not ready to accept his death fate.

Therefore you should prepared finding compatible partner to get know each other deeper before you leaping further into marriage---what both want each other agreeable on not only money but other things!!!

I totally believe in spliting bills.
I would never go 50/50 though. i have a second job which is on the home front which loverboy can never split 50/50 with me.
I tell my husband that the extra bills he pays is why i drag my tired soul up in the morning to cook for him and get everybody ready in the morning. It is also why i pick up behind everybody and why i am the last to sleep. Its the reason im steaming myself in the kitchen while he is flipping channels. i know how much of the family load im carrying but I would never split down the middle. never. The extra i save for me and my child so that when and if the apple cart is upset ,i am to start rebuilding.