A female colleague of mine asked for my advice and solution to her problem today, it goes thus:

She is married to a guy she doesnt really love, reason being that she got pregnant for him and bore him a son like 4 years ago.
The guy loves her and the child very much, she confesses but she does not like him as much. Even during se.x, she is not enjoying the intimacy and as such always gives excuse of being tired from work to not have se.x with him.

The guy is not happy with the development and has been accusing her of extra marital affairs because of her attitude towards him. To which she said is untrue.

That is the story she told me, and said she seeks solution to her problem. (Note she did not come to me, I asked her what is the problem, when I saw her always moody and quarelling with everybody for flimsy issues in the office).

Please, what advice can I give her?

She has no POINT. The same reason that made her like or agreed to sleep the man years back has not changed. After all there is a proof to that "child. Why was she deceiving herself then when she knew she can't stand him, cos of his money, OYA SEE MONEY, SEE LOVE, you have nowhere to go.

Maybe she should have waited more before marrying the guy or she shouldn't have married the guy. Cos she was pregnant & they had a child for eachother is not enough reason for her to marry the guy. Marriage is not supposed to be rushed into.
There's no love or affection from the lady in the relationship.
Maybe she should quit.

Tell your friend to kill herself. Ekwensu! Abi no be so?

It has started! Did d op mention money,he stated clearly that the lady got married becos she got pregnant.Little by little na so we go deh hear say Nigerian girls are materialistic.

i'm angry, i want to know why my post always disappear after typing?

wow! I still cant believe people are forced to marry because they have a child for a certain person. That gist is so 1675

Everyone ought to be happy in his/her marriage, staying with someone you dont love is such a sorrow but since the guy loves her, i still think she should hang on. Give it more time. These days its always best you be with someone that loves you more than you love him. Well, she should be patient with it, learn to love this guy more.. I dont know what else to say, let her give herself more time. Theres always light atthe end of a tunnel. I wouldnt advice divorce, it might turn out to be a sad situation for the baby later in life

For some, love is the glue that can hold things together in very hard times. Others dont require such. Remember that one boyfriend that you just loved, and everybody wondered what the hell you were doing with such a person. yeah, kind of like that. . That is really important for some people to stay with another one. Especially for such a long period as marriage.

And people should understand and accept when a party does not want to be with them, to avoid future disaster. If someone doesnt want you, just back off and stop making the person be with you for pity. It never lasts. . Just look for your own. It is not okay if you are the only one happy in the marriage. You both have to want each other just as much. If someone says they dont want to be with you, take that decision in good faith and with courage. You will find the special person for you.

You dont love him? but what initially attracted you to him to d extent of getting pregnant for him? Money?, influence?, affluence?, matchmaking by friends or relatives? Now, why are you not having d same feeling again, did he cheat on you, did he physically or emotioally or psychologically abuse you, did you hear something bad about him?why d sudden hatred, because i believe that you must have seen something about or in him before you could allow him to sleep with you, and i guess that thing you saw is no longer there.
Anyway, What initially attracted you to him to be pregnant for him can be developed,i mean love grows in marriage, if you allow it, but if you think you are trully done with him and that there is nothing he can do that can make you love him again, i will suggest you let him know, call him and discuss with him and let him know your decision, but no matter d decision you take, try as much as possible not to let it affect your child negatively, anything that you resolve to, make sure both of you go about it in such a mature way that it wont have adverse effect on your child, its better that way than trying to pretend that you love each other to d extent of one or both of you becoming abusive, which may lead to death or insanity of one of you.
However, i will like to suggest that you try and focus more on d positivities of d man, allow love to grow, communicate more with him, etc, but if you think there is no way there, and you have made up your mind, you can discuss with him as to what you really want.
But, i just hope you are not being deceived by someone else or friends sha.
I wish you goodluck.

[quote author=greatgod2012]You dont love him? but what initially attracted you to him to d extent of getting pregnant for him? Money?, influence?, affluence?, matchmaking by friends or relatives? Now, why are you not having d same feeling again, did he cheat on you, did he physically or emotioally or psychologically abuse you, did you hear something bad about him?why d sudden hatred, because i believe that you must have seen something about or in him before you could allow him to sleep with you, and i guess that thing you saw is no longer there. Anyway, What initially attracted you to him to be pregnant for him can be developed,i mean love grows in marriage, if you allow it, but if you think you are trully done with him and that there is nothing he can do that can make you love him again, i will suggest you let him know, call him and discuss with him and let him know your decision, but no matter d decision you take, try as much as possible not to let it affect your child negatively, anything that (i really love your advice/

Uwakuwak:

That's greatgod2012, my NL mum for you.
Always good at what she does

Uwakuwak: i'm angry, i want to know why my post always disappear after typing?

na the Sagem phone wey u dey use.

thorpido: na the Sagem phone wey u dey use.

Lol...d guy no wan upgrade at all

Cliche!

thorpido: na the Sagem phone wey u dey use.

Uwakuwak: i'm angry, i want to know why my post always disappear after typing?

Because NCB on nairaland ban it from been SEEN.

marriage is NOT for children.

Let her get a divorce before she gives the man a disease.

I thank you all for you input on this issue.

I will put all your advices to good use on helping her find a solution to this problem of hers.

More advice will also be appreciated.

Well johnny the one thing i know for sure is dat sometimes couples row in love,
i believe its best if you advice her to let her her heart free and open to her
husband and in due time she would start seeing him differently, and even love
him appropriately.. ther are pple who are matched-make and even though they wia not at ease
with them selves intially, they grew to love their partner.

Tell her dt marriage is a life long commitment. There is no grounds for divorce here. Love can b developed, so she shld develop some for her loving husband. I kw her prob is dt she is allowin other guys to distract her, beta cut them off.

Johnnny: A female colleague of mine asked for my advice and solution to her problem today, it goes thus:

She is married to a guy she doesnt really love, reason being that she got pregnant for him and bore him a son like 4 years ago.
The guy loves her and the child very much, she confesses but she does not like him as much. Even during se.x, she is not enjoying the intimacy and as such always gives excuse of being tired from work to not have se.x with him.

The guy is not happy with the development and has been accusing her of extra marital affairs because of her attitude towards him. To which she said is untrue.

That is the story she told me, and said she seeks solution to her problem. (Note she did not come to me, I asked her what is the problem, when I saw her always moody and quarelling with everybody for flimsy issues in the office).

Please, what advice can I give her?

My dear there is no long story abt this. Doing things for selfish reasons can be very dangerous.

She has to love her husband. People should go out with people that they are comfortable with. Have had tori of couple having issues with loving their spouse. Nobody can sort it for her xcept her alone.

Most women are fickle minded. It will only take the grace of God for her to really love that guy again.

Op, whatever be the case, look before you leap.