A friend of mine just confronted me with this difficult question. He is in love with this young beautiful girl but his people, not just his parents but the whole village is against the marriage .
The reason was that history had it that all the people who previously inter-married between the two villages has never had a kid. The story was dated back to when even our grand parents were not yet born.I did some enquiries for my friend about the case and discovered that the village of the girl are regarded as outcasts, (a very useless and old system of dismembering some clans from others which i must say is hunting the whole of Igboland down now). The problem now is that the boy is finding it very difficult to break the news to the girl because the lady has told half of her friends and people about the proposal. please advice. Before saying anything, i want you to understand that this is a decission made by the entire village and not just one person.

If he really loves her. Marry her.
If he can't go against his family and village then he needs to man up and tell her the real deal. Don't BS her, be honest about what the problem is.

But if he really loves her, I would say be with her.

Ms. Lurker:

If he really loves her. Marry her.
If he can't go against his family and village then he needs to man up and tell her the real deal. Don't BS her, be honest about what the problem is.

But if he really loves her, I would say be with her.

true talk

@poster
im an igbo girl and d name they call the outcasts is "OSU", but i dont know why people should suffer from wat they dont know of,if d guy loves d girl,let him go for her,if it is a curse let him break it wt prayers,afterall wt prayers nothing is impossible

i want everyone who is replyimg this to know that marrying the girl means turning your back to your family and village. these are the people who will follow you to the marriage ceremonies.

The Whole Village?

LMAO

My answer still stands.

If he can't show his family that she is a wonderful girl then he needs to MAN UP and tell her the truth.

Don't waste the girls time no longer if he can't follow through.

I say life is short. Go for someone you love and who truly loves you because that is rare.

If people keep  adhering to this OSU of a system, this practise would continue forever. To hell with the whole village .

hmmn. . . .
i wud not really care abt what the whole village think or say. . .i wud be concerned abt ma immediate family.Personally,i wudnt want to marry against my parents wishes and fortunately,my parents are not the type to call another being 'OSU' or whatever.
@poster,he should try to convince his parnets and get their blessings . . .if he gets their blessings,the village dont count.hes a man though,he should be able to make the final decision,either to go with his love or lose his family

Well, if my "people" don't support whom I want to marry, then they can take a running jump! 

I live my life by my own rules, if my family can't accept the love of my life, then sorry, I'm going ahead!

I only tell my family of my intentions to marry Nkenwanyi out of courtesy, not for approval. Thankfully, my family are in full support, but even if they weren't, then they can feel free to disown me. I'm a grown man, and will marry whoever makes me happy.

I hope your "friend" makes the right choice, for HIM and HER, not "them".

infact dis osu of a thing is becoming too much,depriving people of their love

@poster
the villagers should not be included in dis matter,cos im not marrying d villagers or d entire village,so its just the immediate family dat should be concerned about dis,so to hell to all this hungy people dat call themselves villagers

Hmm,

Igbo people and their issues chai

No wonder my friend is Adamant on marrying Igbo
Even though right now she still finds her Igbo brothers unattractive.

This kin wahala sef

Now i am going to throw some light on this OSU of a topic, Imagine a situation whereby the entire village BANNED your mother or father from buying or selling in the village market or attending village meetings. i know some people will ask if this actually happens but the obvious answer is yes, it happens, I know this sounds strange but its one of the punishments to a family for marrying from OSU family. This has become a very big disturbing issue for me personaly because a very good friend of mine is involved now. But i cant easily or forcefully change the way of life of an entire village of over 30, 000 people. I know how easy it is for some people to jump into conclusions in this matter but remember that there is always one or two things you cant just change because you are rich or famous.

Now i am going to throw some light on this OSU of a topic, Imagine a situation whereby the entire village BANNED your mother or father from buying or selling in the village market or attending village meetings. i know some people will ask if this actually happens but the obvious answer is yes, it happens, I know this sounds strange but its one of the punishments to a family for marrying from OSU family. This has become a very big disturbing issue for me personaly because a very good friend of mine is involved now. But i can't easily or forcefully change the way of life of an entire village of over 30, 000 people. I know how easy it is for some people to jump into conclusions in this matter but remember that there is always one or two things you can't just change because you are rich or famous.

ok i think i understand u,dis osu of a thing is a big deal in d igbo land,but i wonder y people should be suffering from wat they know nothing of,like i said earlier im not marrying d whole village,and even if i get married i wont be satying in d village so wats their stress,if i fall inlove wt an OSU and if he should ask me to marry him,i will oooo,except my family is against it then i will withdraw,but as for d villagers they will get it hot wt me.

i know of a girl dat lost her virginity to a guy,and d guy knowing d girl was a virgin wantd to marry her ASAP,d girl herself was happy because she wantd whoever dat would disvirgin her to marry her,so it was a dream come true,to cut the long story short,she could not marry d guy cos d guy is an OSU,they had to part way,and till date none is married,even though they both have their different lovers,they still meet secretly,but is it life?both of them cannot marry any body cos they are madly in love wt each other,tell me is dis not a big punishment,the two lovers are madly inlove but cant marry cos of dis OSU thing,i think it should be banished for people to have their peace

@chinda3,
I personally agree with you but i want you to understand that the banishment of this kind of thing cant
be done by one person or one family. We are both against it but its a pity that you said nothing about the initial banishment of your family from the entire village. I love your courage in this matter and i believe that you are one of those people who does not in anyway support this old outlived stupid OMENANI. What i want to hear from you now is what we could do to change the fact that, our families will not be standing behind us.

What i want to hear from you now is what we could do to change the fact that, our families will not be standing behind us

@sam
i dont really understand dat sentence,could u be more explanatory?

Yes, i will  explain to the best of my knowledge. YOUR FAMILY DOES NOT SUPPORT YOU AND YOU WANT THEM TO BE ON YOUR SIDE. THEY COULD BE BANNED FROM THE ACTIVITIES OF THE ENTIRE VILLAGE IF THEY STAND BEHIND YOU. What do you think we can do about that?
.

Yes, i will explain to the best of knowledge. YOUR FAMILY DOES NOT SUPPORT YOU AND YOU WNAT THEM TO BE ON YOUR SIDE. THEY COULD BE BANNED FROM THE ACTIVITIES OF THE ENTIRE VILLAGE IF THEY STAND BEHIND YOU. What do you think we can do about that?
.

@sam

ok now i get u,well personally,i know how much my family love me,all i have to do is blackmail their emotions,by running away from d house,i might not really run to d guys place,i might be at a female friends place and believe me by d time they look for me for 6 months they will be d one dat will fix a wedding date for me,but like i said personally,cos i dont know if it will work for others,but it will definitely work for me,i dont pray to find my self in such situation,but one thing i know is if we r banned from buying things in d market,then no problem ,all we have to do is buy all dat we need from d city and then travel wt it,for christ sake wat is my business if they ban me from the umu-agbo association,afterall how long will we be staying in d east?not even up to a month,look sam too hell wt dis OSU thing,and if im lucky to get married to a guy based here in EUROPE,then wat im i going to do in d east very year,i'd be going but its going to be a once in ablue moon thing,cos going to the east is going to make my husband feel bad,cos the villagers will always remind him of his status,going to d east once in a while is going to be d best option, so sam have i answered ur question ,or is there another?

[table]ok now i get u,well personally,i know how much my family love me,all i have to do is blackmail their emotions,by running away from d house,i might not really run to d guys place,i might be at a female friends place and believe me by d time they look for me for 6 months they will be d one that will fix a wedding date for me,but like i said personally,because i don't know if it will work for others,but it will definitely work for me,i don't pray to find my self in such situation,but one thing i know is if we r banned from buying things in d market,then no problem ,all we have to do is buy all that we need from d city and then travel wt it,for christ sake what is my business if they ban me from the umu-agbo association,afterall how long will we be staying in d east?not even up to a month,look sam too hell wt this OSU thing,and if im lucky to get married to a guy based here in EUROPE,then what im i going to do in d east very year,i'd be going but its going to be a once in ablue moon thing,because going to the east is going to make my husband feel bad,because the villagers will always remind him of his status,going to d east once in a while is going to be d best option, so sam have i answered your question ,or is there another[/table]


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Now I see, you are answering this question from two perspectives that does not really matter in this case. One is the fact that you are a female, which means that you dont care who you marry as long as you love him. Two is that you live in Europe where you think the cold hands of old tradition could not reach you. I agree with you that this shit of a thing should be banished. All the people i have talked to said the same thing like you but no one, i repeat none of them wants to get involved in the banishmet process. I have always been solving people"s problems but this is a little bigger than me because i cannot change laws in another village due to the fact that my friend is from there. I want you to know that we are on the same side but men have their roots in their fathers compuond more than women especially in Igboland.

@chinda3, i can be reached on misolar@24yahoo.com or misolar24@hotmail.com (messengers too). i will be waiting for you.

yea yea,i know a man has his roots more on his fathers compound,but like i said ,if he is told to stop buying things in the market or join in d village meeting ,no big deal,but let me ask u dis questions: WAT IS UR FATHER'S COMPOUND COMPARED TO YOUR LIFE HAPPINESS,WHAT GROUND DO U HAVE IN UR FATHERS COMPOUND WTOUT D RIGHT WOMAN BY YOUR SIDE(WHEN I MEAN THE RIGHT WOMAN,I MEAN D ONE U TRULY LOVE;EVEN IF D PERSON IS AN OSU),OR WOULD U RATHER STAY AND MARRY UR FATHERS COMPOUND AND THEN LET GO OF THE ONLY PERSON THAT GIVES U JOY? i dont care wat people say about me,i only care about wat God says about me,come to think of it do u know dat d OSU'S are more successful than d non osu's, if their people have forsaken them,one thing i know is dat God will not forsake them,

Easier said than done! thats what they call it.
Just PRAY you don't find yourself in such situation that's all I can say. As for all this I'll run away, let them disown me, I'm not married to the whole village, I'm a grown man, and all that is BS!

Whats the joy in a marriage or relationship that everybody including your own family will turn their back on you? How will you feel if you can't buy or sell in a whole market? you kids cant go to school with other kids? All you hear when you go to the hospital is "Doc. or Nursing will be with you soon", if you're sitting in the church (only place they pretend it doesn't matter) people will preffer to stand than sit next to you. No one will visit you when in sorrow or when you're celebrating. Some village will even go as far as calling you, your parents, your kids, and family "OSU" when you walk by and people that are not strong in GOD will go as far as commiting suicide or hanging themselves and some of you think people should go through all this for love? As a family or individual? I don't think so! working against it (OSU) collectively? (the whole village, tribe) YES.

If you ask me, I'll say its about time we (IGBOS) face this OSU thing! lets not wait till a soul or a relationship is ruined before we act against it. If it still exist in your village, I think its time to involve the Church, form some organization that will speak up and against it.
For those that don't know what OSU mean and those that are not Africans (igbos esp.) trust me, you don't know where the shoe hurts! you're like a blind man saying you saw some wonderfull thing today!

Igbo unit and OSU must go!

my kids mind u ,wont go to school in d easts,my kids wont live in d east,and wat will my child be doing in d hospital in d village,now its only wen they stay in d village that they can be intimidated,osu's as far as im concerned are not banned from the normal live that people in lagos for example live,as far as im concerned,its only wen they get to their home town then they will be receiving dis kinda treatment from d villagers

That's the point! you don't live there, you're not an OSU or engaged to one, you believe that since its won't affect you, you can care less! I wonder why you're advising the poster then? how will it disappear if we all have you kind of mentality? Everybody is not living in US, UK, or Europe remember and some people do visit home often.
I'm not an OSU thank God and I live in the US I can care less too but what about those innocent people that are going through that crap?

the innocent people should find their way and leave d village,cos staying there would make them go thru so much pains,im not an osu like i said,but let them form an organization or sthg,and take themselves out of dvillage and enjoy life,i live in d europe so?look if i was in nigeria and i happen to be an osu,all i have to do is work my way out from the village to d city,so dat i can have my peace

@Topic

They can fold their arms and look on, it will be like magic to them.

This is a very stupid tradition. I have never put this into consideraton before and I don't even know if it exists in my village. My mother made sure that extended family had no say to decisions concerning our immediate family. So who are these so called village people that would want to take first position in my decision of marriage, if I intend to marry one? That village man is not yet born . If people keep adhering to this osu of a thing this tradition would live on. It is time for the youth not to be deceived by preconceived lies from so called elders that ought to know better.

@Chinda3:
Why don't you go to a diff thread where you might be in position to give some advise! telling people to leave their village as a solution to fighting Osu really shows that you don't even have a clue of what we're talking about. You think its everybody that can afford to live in the city? na wa Oh technical adviser!

It is time for the youth not to be deceived by preconceived lies from so called elders that ought to know better.

@still water
thats right

@prince

listen we are only stating our opinions here,i was never rude to u at d begining and i see no reason y u should be rude to me by telling to go to someother thread,and mind u d poster was enjoying my replies before u came in,and everybody is entitled to his/her opinions,whoever that wants to take my advise should take it and whoever that does not want to should let it be, if u do not agree wt it,then u give d reason y,instead of telling me to go to another thread or watever,im entitled to my opinion here prince

@prince

to be honest wt u,i think chinda is right,u r been unnecesarily rude,ive read all her replies and she was never rude to u,i know igbo guys have got a lot of respect for women,so y r u trying to make me see it as otherwise,if u want to state ur opinion then give it,if someone offended u must u unleash it on d people in d room?

I didn't want to or mean to be rude Chinda3 but I have seen families that this so called OSU thing ruined and you really sound like you don't know what its (OSU) all about. Well, you're right and entitle to your opinion but trust me runing away won't solve OSU problem in the eastern Nigeria! peace.