zeefa: ************************************************************************

I need to open up this new page without having to quote anyone cos so many people have done just perfect to have followed up my thrend and drop a good comment. However, I commend those with negative contributions too cos they are also part of progress am about experiencing at the moment to better my marriage.

Frankly speaking, your comments have been making waves in sorting us out a little bit cos despite the commencement of the whole problem, the calls goes on. But right now, I had to get home from work, check ppls comments on NL & May be discuss with him for just half an hour & st8t to bed.

I will use dis opportunity to answer few questions from the comments!


1. How long is the marriage btw Us?

The marriage btw Morenike & I clocked 3yrs feb 2013.


2. No of kids?

God just answered us and we are expecting a baby soon by his grace.


3. If she is a nigerian.

She finished her secondary school in Fakunle comprehensive high school in osogbo, osun state nigeria and university education in the united kingdom. we met in a friends child dedication three months after I relocated to uk.


Useful facts!

We stays in our own apartment which we bought 2011 with my share being 70% from the total cost of the properties. Although its by mortgage but all the documents were prepared under her name cos of all the rights she has over me as a UK citizen.

I know so many ppl will attack me for taken the above action but I see her as my wife and never thought of any instance that might root the case out of us in a negative way. I have accepted her after our marriage and building our home should be our topmost idea which I prioritized.

Negative comments from the Thrend.

Some people castigated my useful calls to my friend and even tag it to be a Guy stuff.....

For your information, we don't discuss issues that won't better our life....let me tell you for example, he is an electrical engineer, for the last 2ys he has been working on solar energy & innovations. And part of our crew put some finishing touches to the team that came 2 naija 2 install that of ondo state.

All we talk are based on how to develop ourselves, most especially in a land where you don't have a family that would checkmate you or give you directions.

I got converted to a xtain abt 14yrs ago in the university. Dayo is a gud Muslim but one thing that surprised me is that, that didn't stop our friendship. In fact, I tried getting him converted too but he is so principled and focus that he holds on2 his religion and never discourage my decision.

People should know that there are people out there ready to do anything just to see a smile on their fellow humans face.

I don't kw ao it goes, but I must confess all we talk about are some important issues and not those ones that would affect or be of a negative impact to us as a whole.

Dayo has 3 kids and his wife is from rivers state Bonny lady precisely! Most atyms I wonder y tribe can't really play a good impacts on our side having married a yoruba lady whom I think should understand better and keep devil off our path on the so called scenario.


Conclusion.
My MIL according to the Pastor called him on phone and the has taken a full charge of the heat. But it wasn't funny that they didn't mention the threats and warnings given to the pastor.

Well,we were both there yesterday & the pastor advised us together and called me to a separate room and insist I reduced the calls from dayo or take time to hang out weekends to discuss fatal issues if need be.

He also warned me of my MIL and said he will keep praying along side with me for a breakthrough.

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Right now, things are little bit down but I noticed she is always looking sick due to her condition. We didn't go to church today cos she complained of not feeling so good and vomited that I had to clean up and made her breakfast. As am updating here on NL she is on the bed sleeping after I got her hot custard & chips.

The Pastor didn't allow us to give details on the cause of the problem. He only advise us and asked us to stand as husband and wife, seeing it has one of the challenges of marriages so many atimes ppl face in life.


BUT as for me, the Q is, how do I gradually help mysf from it.... Then from what happened, I have gained a lot of things and its making me not to be too free to Mprenike again! Do I just let go & start another life with HER after her nasty threats?

I'm here 2 at least reduce that actions of mine.......but Morenike really hurt my feelings & our baby is all I look up to see right now.

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I still need to call her cos we still have to settle out some critical issue that only the both of us could settle.....

Thanks everybody for all your contrubutions! Am so so glad and I think I have to be off nl for awhile.
I hope to let you kw when the final part of it comes out.

Thanks u thank u thank u............great ppu of naitaland, admin & seun for a gud forum initsiatives. Am so grateful.

Pls note that the real name of my wife isn't used on the post, so ppu shld not relate my personal notes to anyone! ThÀnk u

She has no right over you, except the ones you give to her. Once you show that you are indifferent to the red passport thing, then she will not use that against you.
Stop mortgaging your destiny with a red passport. You don't need a red passport to be a success .

Now you know the kind of person your wife is, you need to start thinking out of the box, cover all your bases, so that you are not left hanging in some years time.
If I were you, just stick to 2 kids.

You didn't need your pastor to tell you to reduce this call to 30 mins.

I did tell you earlier, if her advisor is a divorcee, then you stand little chance. This marriage stands a better chance if you can distance her from the MIL, this has to be done with wisdom, cos if you try to use the forceful method, then you will draw them closer.

In as much as what you ever wanted in a marriage was a friend, you could tell anything and everything, but unfortunately, yours is not the case, as you have a friend that will use information you've given her against you.

Finally, irrespective of what has happened, love your wife with all your heart but think and make decisions with all your head and not heart

Disobey the below advice at your own peril. Your wife is from a broken home and would therefore not attach the expected importance to having a lasting union despite the odds.

Again, be wise about your finances. An unexpected divorce might turn decisions made in love to decisions made by fools.

clintwine:

She has no right over you, except the ones you give to her. Once you show that you are indifferent to the red passport thing, then she will not use that against you.
Stop mortgaging your destiny with a red passport. You don't need a red passport to be a success .

Now you know the kind of person your wife is, you need to start thinking out of the box, cover all your bases, so that you are not left hanging in some years time.
If I were you, just stick to 2 kids.

You didn't need your pastor to tell you to reduce this call to 30 mins.

I did tell you earlier, if her advisor is a divorcee, then you stand little chance. This marriage stands a better chance if you can distance her from the MIL, this has to be done with wisdom, cos if you try to use the forceful method, then you will draw them closer.

In as much as what you ever wanted in a marriage was a friend, you could tell anything and everything, but unfortunately, yours is not the case, as you have a friend that will use information you've given her against you.

Finally, irrespective of what has happened, love your wife with all your heart but think and make decisions with all your head and not heart

@OP, you're in a marriage, till death do you part. So sad how we don't take these vows as vital and binding anymore. Maybe we have all been passed down this view of marriage as a bed of rose, have children and live happily ever after.

I don't knw were you both are at this point in terms of your marriage but 1 thing I can see clearly is just each individual being themselves. Women, in general, will always seek for love (pls note "in general) and men will, generally, seek for respect. It's all in the bible. Your wife wants to know that you love her and that she means everything to you. She should be your confidant and like someone mentioned much earlier, you should share the very same things you share with your friend with your wife. She should know more about you than your friend even though u have known each other for a longer time.

Flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone, you don't do things just to get something from them. You have to show ur wife that you love her all the time. Show her love and appreciation all the time!! (Most important point hence the repetition).


Your wife will also need to respect you as the head of the home and as her husband. But you can't use her submission as a leeway to use her. Serve her, love her, nurture her, listen to not just her words but her heart. When you go out to dinner, pull ur chair a little closer etc.

You can keep your friendship with Dayo but ur wife must always come first. Don't talk to him about her or your private issues. You wife should be the one you pour out ur heart to. You both must be mature and take turns in pouring out ur heart to each other. You have to be vulnerable to each other or u'll just end up playing silly and useless games.
You need to both make the decision to leave ur personal issues out of the conversations you have with in-laws and friends regardless of how close you are to them. This is between you too and anyone can turn their backs on you at any point in time. let her know how you feel about her and her mom but you have to equally listen to how she feels about u and ur friend.

Lastly, trust me, if she really loves you then she doesnt want to divorce, she just wants you to listen to her and make a change. Get a divorce and she how devestated she would be. Love you wife and love God, commit all into His hands. God bless you and your marriage.

Just my 2 kobo ... Cheers!

When we have issues, the whole nairaland following my story contributed. I wish to use this medium to announce the arrival of our lovely baby. Morenike just gave me a bouncing baby girl$

I will upload her picture soon.

Besides, we I have a lot of updates which I will share to the house later.

Thanks to you all.

Congrats man, may God bless her and provide for her parents to take care of her. Hope everything is sorted between both of you regarding your friend?

Kisses to the little princess

Congrats

God be with your daughter and family.

Good to hear all issues have been resolved

Why would she have a problem with your friend?

But since your friend's family is also taking issue with your friendship, I'd say this is more of a management issue.

Don't let your friendship(s) ruin your relationship, nor your relationship your friendship(s). I know it can hard, but you gotta find the balance.

Edit - I see your issue is resolved. Congratz!

.