Jokes Crib - Jokes Etc (2) - Nairaland
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| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 1:22pm On May 22, 2013 |
How to cross road in Nigeria: look left and right for moto, look up for plane, look down for bomb, look back for kidnappers. Then walk zig zag to avoid stray bullets! Caution always am pleading YOU 1 Like |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 4:25pm On May 22, 2013 |
What Nonsense! This has gat to stop! When CL0SE-UP does an advert, they will show you someone's teeth and how to brush properly. When GILETTE Does an advert theywill show you someone's beards, armpit and they will show you how well the shaving stick works When DETTOL does an advert they will show you someone taking his or her bath in the bathroom with the soap.. But what the hell is wrong with ALWAYS ULTRA? When they are doing their advert they will never show us anything! All we see is a girl rolling on her bed or secondary school girls singing in the field... How does that show us what the pad is used for? where is the pad going to na? Nawa o! I tire for una advert o Please you people should show us''SOMETHING''. .. 1 Like |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 11:40pm On May 23, 2013 |
You're in the Car with your Mum and Dad, YourMum is driving and Rihanna's song "Shut up & Drive" is playing on Radio, your Mum asked "What's the Title of the Song"? What will you tell her? 2 Likes |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 12:39am On May 25, 2013 |
I'M TIRED OF NAIJA MOVIES..IMAGINE .. WHEN... ~ Chief is inside the car with the glasses wound up, armed robbers attack and shoots at chief, the bullet won't break the glass but will kill chief inside the car..: How come ?? ~ A man shoots himself on the head 3 times...Habaaa !!!!!!! How in the world is that possible? ~ RMD remembering when he was still 7 years old as far back as 1960 and suddenly a HUMMER passes in front of him....... Chinekeee ~ Patience Ozokwor poisons Zark Orji's food, she stirs the poison so that it will circulate to all parts of the meal and then she tastes it, Zack Orji dies while she survives, Nawaa oo ~ Someone flashes back to 1982 and behind him is a sign board "Vote for Goodluck" Hmmmm ~ A 7year old character is washing plates and he suddenly becomes an adult in his 20's still washing the same plates and wearing the same trousers... ~ Omotola is depicted as a poor woman suffering in the village and has to do serious farm work to survive, only for you to see that her fingernails are fixed with long plastic nails and painted crimson red. ~ Tonto Dike acting a born again village girl, yet has tattoos on her body. ~ Someone dies with low cut and his spirit comes back wearing afro... Na wetin? ~ A woman suddenly decides to poison her husband, then she opens her food cabinet and brings out the substance. Is poison part of cooking ingredients? ~ They shoot you on the leg yet blood starts coming out from your nose. ~ John Okafor(Ibu) is the father of Nkem Owoh.. Biko who is older? ~ You must cough before you die...? Lmao..=)) 3 Likes |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 8:17pm On Jun 21, 2013 |
Desperation is when ur in a taxi. Ur girlfriend texts u, "SEX TONIGHT ?" . . . . . . . . You type, "YES" Then a thief snatches ur phone through the window and instead of shouting for "HELP!" You shout, . . . . . . . " Press Send.....! .. .. Press Send! MOFO Take away the damn phone but please But please press Send" Highest level of desperation. 3 Likes |
| Re: Jokes Crib by omanifrank(m): 8:12am On Jun 24, 2013 |
enoying this thread @all 1 Like |
| Re: Jokes Crib by dmahn(m): 11:40am On Jun 25, 2013 |
Gud job..Keep us smilling lil jboy..you must ba raconteur 1 Like |
| Re: Jokes Crib by fulli16(m): 4:53pm On Jun 25, 2013 |
its only GOD dat can save me 4rm you...@lil jboy U TOO MUCH! 1 Like |
| Re: Jokes Crib by MrTAnonymous(m): 12:37pm On Jul 01, 2013 |
lil,u stil dey here  |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 6:00pm On Jul 01, 2013 |
Mr.T Anonymous:haba! Where i go go now |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 8:48pm On Jul 11, 2013 |
FUNNY NAMES ABBREVIATION Gift Chioma Emeka = G.C.E David Victor Denis = DVD Hope Innocent Vincent = HIV Love Grateful Ada = LGA Nathan Tim Aboh = NTA Amanda Ino Daniel Sera = AIDS Nwankwo Elochi Peter Agnes= NEPA Veronica Ifeoma Peter = VIP Rapuruchuku Iheanyi Paul = RIP Benjamin Bony Maduako = BBM Mukaila Tunde Nurudeen = MTN Deborah Sarah Tiffany Veronica = (DSTV) Bode Raji Tafa = (BRT) Nike Emmanuela Cosmas Orlando (NECO) Waziri Ahmed Ebenezer Concordis (WAEC) Jamiu Alaba Mailaka Bakare (JAMB) Usman Maduka Emmanuel (UME) Oya add your own join and let's go there.....no dulling. |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 8:50pm On Jul 11, 2013 |
Paulina davies Peter (P.D.P) Lucky Martins Abraham Ojo.=>L.M.A.O |
| Re: Jokes Crib by Jennyamaka: 9:15pm On Jul 11, 2013 |
lil jboy:  lil jboy: lil jboy: lil jboy: |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 7:15pm On Aug 03, 2013 |
****R.I.P**** RIHANNA IS DEAD Rihanna died this morning at about 12:42am. According to reliable source, she died after an unsuccessful surgery that was performed on her a day before. Her burial is to be fixed during the week. We are going to miss you Rihanna. Rihanna Igbeho was a 23yrs old Primary School Teacher from Edo state, Nigeria.... R.I.P.... |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 6:00am On Aug 05, 2013 |
Why worry over ASUU? migrate from your University to a private UNI with the SAME MATRIC NO; simply TEXT "PORT" to 38312 for 50naira only |
| Re: Jokes Crib by Acecube(m): 9:37am On Aug 05, 2013 |
lil jboy: |
| Re: Jokes Crib by Acecube(m): 9:48am On Aug 05, 2013 |
lil jboy:nice one |
| Re: Jokes Crib by Acecube(m): 9:49am On Aug 05, 2013 |
lil jboy: Dortmund christianhahaha |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 12:42pm On Aug 10, 2013 |
Fun Time!!! Imagine If animals and insects were on facebook, we'll be having posts and comments like...... 1. MOSQUITO WALL POST: Finally PHCN don off light, blood sucking things. COMMENTS: (a) Bleep up, dey don on gen for my end. (b) Abeg bros which area you dey? My people don fleet house. 2. DOG WALL POST: Na wa oh..... I never even stay reach 5mins, all these calabar people don dey eye me. *Ghost mode activated, them no go see me* escaping things on my mind. COMMENTS: My neighbour na calabar too. The man eyes no good for where dogs dey... I go bite am soo. 3. RAT WALL POST: Omo na die I dey oh..... No food for my master kitchen. Na ehm books go hear am nah. Ehn think say I come ehm house to watch tv abi? COMMENT: Your master stingy, disown am jor. 4. CHICKEN WALL POST: On the 1st of Dec. I'll be traveling for one month, if you need my attention, enter bush I no fit shout. All these xtians no be em at all. COMMENT: No be only you oh, I dey migrate too. 5. HE-GOAT WALL POST: Heat mood activated, any she-goatonline for sex chat? COMMENTS: (a) She-goat. @He-goat you're a capital BIG fool. (b) He-goat. @She-goat, pretender, as if you no dey feel Hot. Carry your smelling backside comot for post jor. 6. COCK WALL POST: All these hen go dey run like say dey no wan do. But if you catch them, dem go bend quickly, set for doggy style. COMMENT: Your own better nah, you dey catch them. The ones for my area na fast and furious. I don pursue tire.... 7. RAM WALL POST: As Salah don dey reach, na churchthings from now on. (blood of Jesus go cover me)... 4 Likes |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 12:57pm On Aug 12, 2013 |
A true life story that happened in Iran. ﻻ ﺗﻌﺮﻧﺎ ﺃﻛﺜﺮ ﺃﻳﺘﻬﺎ ﺍﻟﻠﺤﻈﺔ ﺳﻮﻯ ﻣﺎ ﻳﻮﺭﻕ ﻓﻴﻨﺎ ﺳﻮﺯﺍﻥ ﻋﻠﻴﻮﺍﻥ ﻴﺲ ﺛﻤﺔ ﺍﻣﺮﺃﺍﻷﺳﻤﺎﻙ ﺗﻌﺸﻖ ﺃﺣﻮﺍﺿﻬﺎ . ﻟﻜﻦ ﺍﻟﺤﺐ ،ﻳﻐﻴﺮ ﻗﻮﺍﻧﻴﻦ ﺍﻷﺭﺽ . ﺳﻮﺯﺍﻥ ﻋ ﺑﺤﺎﺩﺙ ﻃﻴﺮﺍﻥ ؛ ﺍﻷﺳﻤﺎﻙ ﺗﻌﺸﻖ ﺃﺣﻮﺍﺿﻬﺎ . ﻟﻜﻦ ﺍﻟﺤﺐ ،ﻳﻐﻴﺮ ﻗﻮﺍﻧﻴﻦ ﺍﻷﺭﺽ ﻭﻣﻔﺎﻫﻴﻢ ﺍﻷﺷﻴﺎﺀ . ﻓﻲ ﺍﻟﺤﺐ ﻓﻘﻂ ، ﺗﻬﻮﻯﺍﻷﺳﻤﺎﻙ ﺍﻟﻄﻴﻮﺭ It's so touching...... The part that made me cry was ﻓﻲ ﺍﻟﺤﺐ ﻓﻘﻂ ، ﺗﻬﻮﻯ ﺍﻷﺳﻤﺎﻙ ﺍﻟﻄﻴﻮﺭ.   :'( . What a touching story! 3 Likes |
| Re: Jokes Crib by buyles(f): 1:44pm On Aug 21, 2013 |
U're my favourite person on nairaland. Lmao jokes, more ororo to ur elbows:-) |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 3:08pm On Aug 21, 2013 |
buyles: U're my favourite person on nairaland. Lmao jokes, more ororo to ur elbows:-)thanks a million times. . And cos of u, i'll always update. |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 3:39pm On Sep 10, 2013 |
Wen u ask an Ibadan babe 4 her phone number u go hear :"Sero hate Sero, sis hate sis, tiri hate sefun, noi- noi,das my hen ti hen nober. 2 Likes |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 7:25pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
Whoever said English is simple ehn?? Read Sister Nkechi's testimony nah! "Praise the rord!!! Hmmm, It's not a small something. Well, actually, it all started a two day ago, which I'm in my house. So a small hungry is catching me, so I look in the house, nothing much to chop only small plantain which I've not fried before.... So, I tell myself to fry it and chop, as I'm frying that plantain, so phone ringing, so I look, it's a faring place, so I now run, which I reach there, it's my father which call, so I now say: "Father call after, I is plantain frying." So I keep it. So now, I now turn around, as I turn round, all of a suddenly everywhere in my house have turn to smoke. Children of God as I'm approaching, smoke is bigging, smoke is just bigging and bigging. It's a fearing thing o! If it's you self, afraid will catch you. So I now call the name of shesus three times. I shout shesus shesus shesus!( jesus) All of a miraculously, smoke start to be vanishing, to where? I no know. It's a miracle something o! Smoke start to disappearing small, small, small. Then, my plantain have burn to matches. Halleluyah...Praise the lort somebodies. But my main testimony today be say, I shop that sharcoal and nothing is happen to me.! Plaise d rord". 2 Likes |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 10:12pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
A Chinese Call center: . Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? Operator: Yes you can speak to me.. Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this? Caller: I am Sam Wan, and I need to talk to Annie Wan. It's urgent! Operator: I know you are someone and you want to speak to anyone. But what's the urgent matter about? Caller: Well.. just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to hospital. Right now, Every Wan is on his way to the hospital. Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this! Caller: You are so rude! Who are you? Operator: I'm Saw Ree. Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name. Operator: That's what I said. I am Saw Ree... Caller: Oh...God..! |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 12:45pm On Oct 09, 2013 |
U THINK U R WISE, I DARE U TO ANSWER ONE QUESTION::: If swimming is a good exercise to stay FIT, Why are whales FAT ?? Why is the place in a stadium where people SIT, called a STAND ? Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN, but nobody wants to DIE.. Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in chess... As the WHITE piece is moved FIRST... In our country, We have FREEDOM of SPEECH, Then why do we have TELEPHONE BILLS ? If money doesn't grow on TREES, then why do banks have BRANCHES ? Why doesn't GLUE stick to its BOTTLE ? Why do you still call it a BUILDING, when its already BUILT ? If its true that we are here to HELP others, What are others HERE for ? If you arent supposed to DRINK and DRIVE... Why do cars have PARKING lots ? If All The Nations In The World Are In Debt, Where Did All The Money Go..?  ?When Dog Food Is New With Improved Taste, Who Tests It..? ?If The "Black Box" Flight Recorder Is Never Damaged During A Plane Crash, Why Isn't The Whole Airplane Made Out Of That Stuff..? |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 7:03pm On Oct 20, 2013 |
5 ways to make your GF happy... 1) Give her money. 2) Give her some money 3) Give her more money 4) Pls give her money 5) I said give her money. True Or False? |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 9:02am On Oct 23, 2013 |
Real Gobe is when you were offered 2milli0n naira for sex,and you refused on the basis of your virginity. .and then,on your way h0me,you were raped by 3 hefty men! |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 2:40pm On Oct 25, 2013 |
A African, an American and a German boarded a plane. As the plane was flying over the sea, Satan came out and said to them: I want you all to drop something into the sea, if I find it, you die and if I don't you live. The American quickly plucked a button from his shirt and threw into the sea, Satan dived into the sea and came up with the button. "See!" he said and killed the American. The German threw a pin into the sea. Satan dived in and came out with the pin. "See!"he said and killed the German. The African brought out a sachet water , opened it and poured the contents into the sea holding back the sachet he said to Satan "oya begin find water inside water. . Idiot" 1 Like |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 9:21am On Oct 26, 2013 |
A husband coming home from confession & lifts his wife & carries her on his shoulder. Wife says, "Did the priest tell you to be soo romantic like this ? Husband replies, "No! he told me to carry my cross".. |
| Re: Jokes Crib by sweetiePe(f): 11:33pm On Oct 26, 2013 |
LOL, jokes crib indeed! An old farmer wrote Akpos his son who was in prison "This year I won't b able to plant potatoes and other things because I can't dig the field, I know if you were here you would have helped me" Akpos wrote back, "Dad, don't even think of digging the field do you want to expose me? That's where I buried the money I stole" The police read the letter before delivering it to the father, and the next day the whole field was dug by police but nothing was found. The following day Akpos wrote to his father again, "Now you can plant your potatoes Dad, your farm has been dug for you. More Jokes: www.rosyside.com/discussion.htm 1 Like |
| Re: Jokes Crib by liljboy(m): 9:05pm On Oct 31, 2013 |
A plane carrying politicians crashed near a remote farm. When the police arrived, they found out that the farmer had already buried them. POLICE: Are you sure they were dead? FARMER: Yes, I'm very sure, though I heard some screaming “Help me! I'm still alive o!”, But you know these politicians: they lie a lot! 1 Like |
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