MMotimo: You throw out baseless accusations, I challenge you to substantiate them and you come up with more of the same.

So this is the post to support your most recent accusation? Really? Seriously?

Did I say I support a man working to stupor? Does that not right away suggest it's not an affordable choice if that's what he has to do?

@ Trust
Does it not take trust to believe your spouse will not mistreat you if you stay home? That is where trust comes in. Spending time in courtship relates to getting to know your intended spouse well and deciding what behaviors you are prepared to live with. If a man makes it clear he does not believe in a stay home situation, should a woman marry such a man if she wants to consider that option? At the same time, just because there is trust does not make it a viable option if it's not affordable.

I think you are personalizing this to yourself thus the endless accusations that you cannot defend. That long post is directed mainly at people to whom it is/will be a viable choice. You do not belong in that group, as you have made clear so what gives

Just going around in circles here, I can't do this endlessly, no time, my most important personalities are right here in the house. Enough time spent on Nland today

I'm not accusing you, I'm just trying to make you understand my own point of view and we can agree to disagree 'course.

You are the one trying to justify staying home at all cost cos it worked out atleast well for you cos you didn't complain unlike the new age women who wants it all from one income.

but maybe if I explain myself using somebody else's post you'd not say I'm taking it personal cos I wasn't. ( that's the typical conclusion I get so I'm not suprised)

Now my advice to other ladies, no human being is responsible for you, no man who loves you will seek to totally control you, it may be fun for a few years but the daay to pay will come. Even if he carries the burden without lamenting he may loose the Job one day or may die, then you turn a widow with kids, no skills, no business management experience, start from square one and this time not on your own.
Your youth is time to build, work and grow, may you not in old age with kids start to try to do what you should have done for yourself in youth

And then You stressed Affordability, how many homes will survive on one CLEAN ( not shady deals) income realistically in Naija setting , obvious isn't it ?
( even in west these Lazy people go on assistance/welfare to supplement their husband's income )

My own point in simplest term MMtimo is : No Woman should stay home doing nothing and depend on a man's hard earned cash
( allowance and waiting for soup money) despite the trust they share. It's not fair.

This explains why your quoted post that outlined & suggested how earners income would be spent on everything including aso ebi , brazillian weaves and owanbęs, extended families really boggles mind and didn't sit well with me.
affordability or Not , sustainable or not, it should never be an Option period.

A man working 80hrs a week would gladly love to work part time provided the woman works part time too ( sebi she go school too ?) to live their 'basic' lifestyle .

As for the Trust part, predominantly all long term courtship involves 2 working individuals living together which makes the courtship nice and never ending.
Would the same man feel same way working alone to cater for everybody while his used-to-be-working-fiancé now sits at home doing nothing?
Ofcourse he will carry the the burden for a while and not lament to keep peace/for society perception but it will only last for a while ( could be 10 years) and that's exactly what OP is going through .
( a tired man is an angry & frustrated man hence may flip and be abusive)

P.S AGAIN: unless you married a politician or a merchant like Yemoja & likes , staying home is NOT an option.

I'm out

dayokanu:

How would you provide for your family when you dont even have a car to move around? So you have meetings at work you carpool, You leave work at 10, you delay your colleagues till 10 to pick you home?

The cow that brings the bacon should be cared for. If the guy loses his work how does the family get by

DK.. You can't change lol
What if it's the woman who is the big kahuna

Ujujoan:

So he'll risk the safety of his kids because he wants to form big man in a car, while his own children enter okada just because he's bringing in the income

Driving at 5am and 10pm is big man? WHo are you forming big man to at that time of the day?

The man that is rushing to work, driving from one end of town to other to bring home income is now forming big man.

If he doesnt bring the money na you go also complain, He is using the car to bring income you also complain. So what do you want exactly?

biolabee:
DK.. You can't change lol
What if it's the woman who is the big kahuna

You mean if its the woman bringing in the money and the husband stays at home watching youtube all day by 3-4pm goes to pick kids from school?

Who here would say its the man that should be using the car

dayokanu:

Driving at 5am and 10pm is big man? WHo are you forming big man to?

The man that is rushing to work, driving from one end of town to other to bring home income is now forming big man.

If he doesnt bring the money na you go also complain, He is using the car to bring income you also complain. So what do you want exactly?

He can still bring back money by entering BRT . . .

Ujujoan: He can still bring back money by entering BRT . . .

Not as effective as using the car. The wife can do her once a term PTA meeting by taking the BRT too

dayokanu:

Not as effective as using the car. The wife can do her once a term PTA meeting by taking the BRT too

Who says BRT is not effective . . . it's much easier than driving around the mad lagos traffic.
You are still ignoring the risk of kids taking okada!

Ujujoan: Who says BRT is not effective . . . it's much easier than driving around the mad lagos traffic.
You are still ignoring the risk of kids taking okada!

Its not easy hopping on BRT from Adeola Odeku to Ajose Adeogun to Ahmadu Bello to get income to care for the family

DK... lol

everyman for his tent o.. what waerks for u is ok

^^^ and that concludes it all on Family section ... Curtain down

The website is ww henessey dc

Dazall

bibiji: Tnx 4d wondaful advice 4rm matured minds and sincere people. But 2b honest, some say wat they say because they are not married or commitment means nex 2 notin 2 dem. No woman deserves dis kind of treatment. Its terrible 2 beg ur hsbnd 4 moni 2 buy sanitary pads and d only phrase u hear is "I don't hav moni". A man dat can help others get jobs and not 4 his wife has a problm. My friend has gone bak and I can tel u dat some of u were so helpful. And 4 those of u making mouth don't pray 2 b in a helpless situatn as dis.

Help your friend to also get mental health assistance.

crownjustice:

Help your friend to also get mental health assistance.

Must u say dat?

crownjustice:

Help your friend to also get mental health assistance.

very insensitive!

http://snk.to/f-c7pf49j1....i love dis song

dayokanu:

So who should be driving the car? the wife should be using the car for school runs while the husband taking Okada to work?

Who bought this car in question?

meehn....this Dayo guy...are you for real? I think you are just taking such an extreme stand just to be argumentative. I would not want to believe any man can be as mean as you sound. I hope, for the sake of the woman in your life, that you are many, many, many years away from marriage !

Ujujoan:

This is a marriage, the question of who bought it should not even come into play.
Okay if oga wants to be driving the car he might as well go for the school runs na . . .
How can a man be comfortable seeing his kids on bike when he has a Car . . . just because he 'bought it'

thank you jare..... Some men are just not considerate at all. Just because he bought the car so he should be the one using it. Thats why they don"t know the worth of sacrifice and the worth of family..... I just dey lafffffff

[quote author=honeychild]

meehn....this Dayo guy...are you for real? I think you are just taking such an extreme stand just to be argumentative. I would not want to believe any man can be as mean as you sound. I hope, for the sake of the woman in your life, that you are many, many, many years away from marriage ![/quo
I tell you most men do this and they don't care how their wives survive..... They sit in their cars comfortably while their wife bike okada to creche with their 4mth old baby. just because he does not want to hump bus, or beat traffic or cos he comes late from work...

honeychild:

meehn....this Dayo guy...are you for real? I think you are just taking such an extreme stand just to be argumentative. I would not want to believe any man can be as mean as you sound. I hope, for the sake of the woman in your life, that you are many, many, many years away from marriage !

I tell you most men do this and they don't care how their wives survive..... They sit in their cars comfortably while their wife bike okada to creche with their 4mth old baby. just because he does not want to hump bus, or beat traffic or cos he comes late from work...

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From all indication, your post has shown that you are a "professional housewife" without capital letter.
Change your course (MSc) to home economics and watchout and see how he will support.

LETS BE SERIOUS!
you are married to a boy who has refused to grow above some certain things.
Marriage na look before you leap, you should have look well before.
He is over jealous and stingy.

yellowpawpaw:
Must u say dat?

I do not see anything wrong with that. The housewife is depressed. Depression is a mental health problem that requires urgent attention.

bibiji: very insensitive!

not insensitive, but very sensitive comment. You claimed that your friend is a depressed housewife which is a mental health problem and that requires urgent health care attention. How does asking you to get her mental health attention become an insensitive comment? Mental health problem is nothing to become ashamed of. It is the same thing as having a head ache or having any type of other forms of health problems that should be addressed immediately before it becomes chronic and she ends up taking a cocktail of anti-psychotic drugs.

Do you understand depression? You used that word to describe your friend.

crownjustice:
not insensitive, but very sensitive comment. You claimed that your friend is a depressed housewife which is a mental health problem and that requires urgent health care attention. How does asking you to get her mental health attention become an insensitive comment? Mental health problem is nothing to become ashamed of. It is the same thing as having a head ache or having any type of other forms of health problems that should be addressed immediately before it becomes chronic and she ends up taking a cocktail of anti-psychotic drugs.

Do you understand depression? You used that word to describe your friend.

wat sort of a question is dat? Must one rub it on her face as if she is insane? I stated in d post dat she had seen a doc.dat said she is depressed. Her concern is dealin wit stressors causing depression not jst goin on drugs dat wil hav effect on her sooner or later. I hop its clear!

bibiji: wat sort of a question is dat? Must one rub it on her face as if she is insane? I stated in d post dat she had seen a doc.dat said she is depressed. Her concern is dealin wit stressors causing depression not jst goin on drugs dat wil hav effect on her sooner or later. I hop its clear!

Depression is a form of mental illness and nothing to be ashamed of. It is like any other disease. You are the one that came and told us that your friend is a depressed housewife confirming that she has been confirmed with depression by doctor. There is nothing wrong with taking medications if it is necessary for your friend. Are you a doctor? If her doctor thinks it is necessary for her to go on pills, she should go on pills. She is already fixated that the cause of her depression is her husband. She may be correct? It may not be! Let the professionals handle that.

Asking you to help your friend to get her depression taken care of is not insensitive. You friend has deeper reasons to have depression other than her husband and employment.

Her husband may be the only one holding up the family.

crownjustice:

Depression is a form of mental illness and nothing to be ashamed of. It is like any other disease. You are the one that came and told us that your friend is a depressed housewife confirming that she has been confirmed with depression by doctor. There is nothing wrong with taking medications if it is necessary for your friend. Are you a doctor? If her doctor thinks it is necessary for her to go on pills, she should go on pills. She is already fixated that the cause of her depression is her husband. She may be correct? It may not be! Let the professionals handle that.

Asking you to help your friend to get her depression taken care of is not insensitive. You friend has deeper reasons to have depression other than her husband and employment.

Her husband may be the only one holding up the family.

it appears u ar a doc, right? Since her hsbnd may nt b d cause of her depression, u now tel us wat's d cause of her prblms. U can mek diagnosis online witout seeing or knowin ur patients, kudos 2u 4 breakin new grounds in d field of human medicine.

Sisi_Kill: In many cases some of these women can't get jobs because their husbands won't let them. A situation where she's been told "Stay at home or else" is not that far-fetched and it won't be surprising to hear that many people she's gone to for advice have told her to listen to her husband oh or risk breaking her marriage.

So while I am not an advocate of the stay at him and ask hubby for toro kobo wives, we also have to put into consideration that for some women, especially in Nigeria the decision is not in their hands.

Nicely put.

@OP, since her doctor has diagnosed depression, she should get the doctor's report and present it to him. She should request a change of lifestyle, she was to be positively occupied. If husband refuses, she should report him to someone he respects who has wisdom. If that fails, she should call her family in for mediation.

We Africans marry the family with the individual, let the two families sort it out if the man is unreasonable.

bibiji: it appears u ar a doc, right? Since her hsbnd may nt b d cause of her depression, u now tel us wat's d cause of her prblms. U can mek diagnosis online witout seeing or knowin ur patients, kudos 2u 4 breakin new grounds in d field of human medicine.

If your friend is worried about side effects of the medication and not taking her medication, there is a problem. She needs to discuss all this with her doctor.

There are many reasons for your friends depression. It does not necessarily have to be her husband that causes her depression.

Her inconsistency with medication may be part of the reasons why her husband does not allow her to go to work or go to social functions because he may be worried about her behaviour.

Is depression sarcasm or you guys are serious?

Our people have a way of using big words for comfort need only , not necessarily that she's depressed, even if she's diagnosed , she'd rot in denial after its( depression) philosophy is unveiled.

Depression is a mental illness and mental illness in our society = Aro patient. or didn't you notice the OP's refutal to antidepressants??

bibiji: wat sort of a question is dat? Must one rub it on her face as if she is insane? I stated in d post dat she had seen a doc.dat said she is depressed. Her concern is dealin wit stressors causing depression not jst goin on drugs dat wil hav effect on her sooner or later. I hop its clear!

Preposterous statement that's enough evidence for me to place a patient on physical restraint ( rehab kinda environment) ......not a very good idea to have a feeble minded like OP as an advocate/ trustee for a depressed client.

I just can't get it off my mind...really.

jidegirl12: Is depression sarcasm or you guys are serious?

Our people have a way of using big words for comfort need only , not necessarily that she's depressed, even if she's diagnosed , she'd rot in denial after its( depression) philosophy is unveiled.

Depression is a mental illness and mental illness in our society = Aro patient. or didn't you notice the OP's refutal to antidepressants??



Preposterous statement that's enough evidence for me to place a patient on physical restraint ( rehab kinda environment) ......not a very good idea to have a feeble minded like OP as an advocate/ trustee for a depressed client.

I just can't get it off my mind...really.

Thank you.

jidegirl12: Is depression sarcasm or you guys are serious?

Our people have a way of using big words for comfort need only , not necessarily that she's depressed, even if she's diagnosed , she'd rot in denial after its( depression) philosophy is unveiled.

Depression is a mental illness and mental illness in our society = Aro patient. or didn't you notice the OP's refutal to antidepressants??



Preposterous statement that's enough evidence for me to place a patient on physical restraint ( rehab kinda environment) ......not a very good idea to have a feeble minded like OP as an advocate/ trustee for a depressed client.

I just can't get it off my mind...really.

u ar sarcastic and wen u get married I hop u wnt hav tales of woes. U talk as if u no it all, b careful words u sow into peoples lives. When has depression resulted in restaining a person? Girl u tongue sharp

^^^ where do I start the 101?? I'm exhausted already biko, if it'll make you feel less agitated , not all Restraint in Psychiatry context is chaining down like Aro.... it's a chore to type right now... Bye

*sighs*







NL I hail thee