Because young school needs dough

OK, I get it but you know what? There are a number of young school doing it as a temporary measure when their kids are still young. But I do understand the financial implications. Goes back to "not affordable" but still not right to call people names because it's an acceptable choice for them.

@ dayo
Thank u jare!
@ ypp
U said we shld encourage her? Hw do we do dat?! Let call a spade a spade, dat woman is not ready 2work! Period!
Am very sure she hasn't applied 4any job let alone called her 4 interview & her husband stopped her not 2go
Like I said is it a must 2go 4office work?
God forbid I were in her shoes but long time ago, I wuld hv learnt sewing, catering etc!
Hw abt home lesson or kindergarten like dayo said! Frm 8-2 ( d one we used 2call jele simi dn)
E je ka pa enu po ka ba ole wi ( let's put mouths 2gether 2scold a thief)
@ poster
Tell ur friend 2go & look 4d way she will add value 2her life! Its nt when u hav masters dat u r valuable ind society!

nikkykay: @ dayo
Thank u jare!
@ ypp
U said we shld encourage her? Hw do we do dat?! Let call a spade a spade, dat woman is not ready 2work! Period!
Am very sure she hasn't applied 4any job let alone called her 4 interview & her husband stopped her not 2go
Like I said is it a must 2go 4office work?
God forbid I were in her shoes but long time ago, I wuld hv learnt sowing, catering etc!
Hw abt home lesson or kindergarten like dayo said! Frm 8-2 ( d one we used 2call jele simi dn)
E je ka pa enu po ka ba ole wi ( let's put mouths 2gether 2scold a thief)
@ poster
Tell ur friend 2go & look 4d way she will add value 2her life! Its nt when u hav masters dat u r valuable ind society!

Whats the use of Masters to someone 10yrs out of school and no single work experience? Is the masters just to decorate the house just like the Bachelors is doing?

I wont be surprised if she comes up with excuses like

Daycare I really dont like noisy children(Someone who is already complaining of caring for 3 kids assuming none of them is in school yet) and my husband wont agree to the business
Sewing : The cost of sewing machine is too high. and My husband wont agree to give me the money
Braiding: All those people whose hair dey always smell. My husband would be against it
Catering; If people should fall sick from food poisoning Police would come find me. My husband wont agree as the house would be smelling like mamaput

But to sleep at home all day and watch TV while gossiping with the neighbour. MY HUSBAND WOULD LIKE THAT ONE

yellowpawpaw:
R u ok up there?
With 3 kids? U rant cos u've not met such men!some do worst things. If u r not married,pray dat such men dare not cross ur way!worst still if his family supports him! A cousin of mine,a medical doctor stayed at home for some yrs untill her chilren were secured enuf.so before u unleash ur anger on her,step into her shoe.some can fight,others r d cool follow along type,any time she wakes up is her morning and yes she can still get work! No be naija she dey!

My dear,I really wonder how some ladies think.

dayokanu:

Whats the use of Masters to someone 10yrs out of school and no single work experience? Is the masters just to decorate the house just like the Bachelors is doing?

I wont be surprised if she comes up with excuses like

Daycare I really dont like noisy children(Someone who is already complaining of caring for 3 kids assuming none of them is in school yet) and my husband wont agree to the business
Sewing : The cost of sewing machine is too high. and My husband wont agree to give me the money
Braiding: All those people whose hair dey always smell. My husband would be against it
Catering; If people should fall sick from food poisoning Police would come find me. My husband wont agree as the house would be smelling like mamaput


But to sleep at home all day and watch TV while gossiping with the neighbour. MY HUSBAND WOULD LIKE THAT ONE

Dayo!!!! LMAO
Dnt mind some women who always blame dir men 4 every predicament! Masters 2decorate d sitting room!
She has time 2go 2poster's house 2go & gossip but she doesn't hv time 2go & learn work btw 8- 4 wn children r in sch & husband @work! After like 1yr, do freedom, buy sewing machine & start sewing in ur parlour or d husband wil stop u frm sewin in his house again!
Tell me if dat man wil no be impressed & b proud of u! Despite going against his wish, he will still respect
Let her make a move first & let her husband kick against it! Then she can involve family!
Wot of if d man loses his job 2mrw?! Wot wil b ur own contribution as d woman of d house?!
Wot kind of example r u setting 4ur daughter (s)?

byvan:


My dear,I really wonder how some ladies think.

I've not seen ur posts for sometime now.very occupied? Lv reading them cos they r one of d most sensible posts I see here most times

dayokanu:

Whats the use of Masters to someone 10yrs out of school and no single work experience? Is the masters just to decorate the house just like the Bachelors is doing?

I wont be surprised if she comes up with excuses like

Daycare I really dont like noisy children(Someone who is already complaining of caring for 3 kids assuming none of them is in school yet) and my husband wont agree to the business
Sewing : The cost of sewing machine is too high. and My husband wont agree to give me the money
Braiding: All those people whose hair dey always smell. My husband would be against it
Catering; If people should fall sick from food poisoning Police would come find me. My husband wont agree as the house would be smelling like mamaput

But to sleep at home all day and watch TV while gossiping with the neighbour. MY HUSBAND WOULD LIKE THAT ONE

ur very funny - but in all honesty what is she doing with a masters - no work experience but she wants a masters for what?

jidegirl12: Don't mind her jare , I have 3 kids all under 10, no relatives around and my house may look disorganized when you visit on weekdays oh but I manage well .

Every poster that supports her did that cause of MMtimo's long post, How many men today will do what her husband sacrificed for her? ( she's old school) sorry sis but it's true.

Uju's husband probably followed her and care for the baby because she's securing a good job that'll improve BOTH of their lifestyles.

Debrief's husband probably gently declined her idea to Quit her good job because her income makes a good difference in their lives.

And I'm no exception either.

Abi who doesn't want to live a comfortable life? irirun igi ni irorun eye( little wade-in/help goes a long way and it's better than nothing).

Sis i am not supporting her o.I blame her for doing nothing about her predicament for 10 years.I personally cant imagine not earning money.I like buy buy too much and for now o its not fair on both my husband and kids to do things i do on just his wages.Fact.That is me.I got made redudant at work so out of formal 9-5 enviroment since Feb.At school at the moment and also have a small business i run because i like to keep busy despite having two under 5's.I honestly dont think i want to work full time till my baby is in reception which is about 2 and a half yrs from now.To some people i might be lazy.But it works for MY family.

My stand has always been on topics like this its not fair to label ALL women who dont bring an income as lazy or liabilities.For some people its a temporary thing.We all have diff capabilities and some people cant juggle it all.Seriously i cant work full time with my PG studies and running a business and my babies.Some people can.Thats life.

Defintely I understand you, Temporary situations are understandable and acceptable e.g Reading for an exams, The health isnt too good, She needs to be in school etc

Those ones are working at something that would benefit them and their family in the future cant be liabilities they are Assets or better still "Work in Progress" Like an asset under construction

But the ones who just sit at home, No job, no trade, no plans waiting for husband

Any situation can change so saying stuff like Pray to God for blah bla blah doesnt cut it. The sweet and generous husband can change tomorrow and change the password to the account, he might lose his job, He might die So what happens to you

The irony of this issue is that the illiterate women are not even doing this they are in Alade, balogun, Katangwa market from dusk to dawn

Its the educated I have a 2-1 I want a masters women that are now content with 10yrs of sitting at home waiting for Husband before she buys toothpaste

MMotimo: OK, I get it but you know what? There are a number of young school doing it as a temporary measure when their kids are still young. But I do understand the financial implications. Goes back to "not affordable" but still not right to call people names because it's an acceptable choice for them.

Accepted..

dayokanu: Defintely I understand you, Temporary situations are understandable and acceptable e.g Reading for an exams, The health isnt too good, She needs to be in school etc

Those ones are working at something that would benefit them and their family in the future cant be liabilities they are Assets or better still "Work in Progress" Like an asset under construction

But the ones who just sit at home, No job, no trade, no plans waiting for husband

Any situation can change so saying stuff like Pray to God for blah bla blah doesnt cut it. The sweet and generous husband can change tomorrow and change the password to the account, he might lose his job, He might die So what happens to you

The irony of this issue is that the illiterate women are not even doing this they are in Alade, balogun, Katangwa market from dusk to dawn

Its the educated I have a 2-1 I want a masters women that are now content with 10yrs of sitting at home waiting for Husband before she buys toothpaste

I get what you mean and believe me i share that mindset.I believe you should never depend 100% financially on another human being as an adult.When i was in university i used to sell just cos my parents used to give me the necessities and i wanted nice stuff without carrying aristo.I used to sell for my mum and my profits would go on clothes.During holidays or strikes i would use my mum and dad contacts for coporate gifts or hampers and use my proceeds for stuff.That is just me as an individual thinking that if i want extra,i need to work for it.

Some people dont want extra.They are ok with the basics.And some people can afford the basics on just one income.Me that i like extra is it not hypocritical to then start judging someone who can survive on basic cos me i prefer to work to get extra?My mindset has changed alot since becoming a mother but if i am being honest,one of my main motivations in the past for making money was so i could buy nice expensive things.When i was newly married cos my husband had been living as a bachelor for a while and i relocated to join him,he paid most of the bills.Na wetin i dey use my money do,shoes,bags,jewellery,£180 hair etc.In short i was just buying rubbish.And i would argue that i need my own money lai lai you cant tell me not to work.How is that more honourable than one who is not working probably to dedicate time to her kids? (i don change now though i still like to splurge once in a while speaking of which i need to go hide something in my wardrobe before Oga finds it,am supposed to be broke )

All am just saying is i refuse to judge someone else who stays home and does not bring in an income cos i might not know the full story.(that said if you agree to stay home on a reduced income pls dont whine if you cant buy brazilian hair,adults should be able to face up to consequences of their actions or inactions).

Damiso your last paragraph is obvious diplomacy and that's fine, lets face fact here. who wants to live with just 'basics' ? Abi no be women of today una dey talk? Abeg leave story jor.

Your own situation is different, you're working towards success for all of y'all. I don't think you want to stay home and do nothing when you're done with it abi?

To MMtimo;


MMtimo exhilarate the lackadaisical act all you want , lets call a spade a spade, procrastinating will not solve her problem, get off her lazy bum and do something!

Good for you you're content with one income and manage little you had without whining and unappreciative.

And I don't buy ''putting your career on hold'' story, any woman would be glad to stay home and nurture their kids 24/7 AND have it all meaning if my husband rakes in both our Net income why won't I stay home and do yoga, Pilates , mom groups everyday till they're school -agers ?



Most ''new age'' ladies can barely do groceries with 40k Naira ( seen it all on NL) and house chores without cursing the man out/ ridicule him how his mates treat their wives. They want to keep up with olowoyemis , drink bournvita and glazed donut , watch nollywood , reproduce .

Mom of 2 employee who works full time, I asked her why pay that much for childcare and stay home instead? She said she makes $1400 monthly staying home and now makes $2000 ( net), the difference goes a long way she said.
They're going to Cuba for summer family vaca. I doubt they can afford that if she decided to stay home.

Bless you, Damiso
I have to go read your post history, you make so much sense

I don't know why some people are bringing in a case of leaving work to take care of kids when it appears this woman has never worked.

There is a difference between deciding not to work and blaming your husband for never having worked.

As for those saying does self esteem have to come from earning an income, I ask you - would you consider a husband not earning (or trying to earn) an income as someone with self esteem? No be the same school husband and wife dey go?

Let's not get off track and start talking about staying at home in general - this is about a woman blaming the husband for her never working. That is untenable for me and utter rubbish.

As for those talking about no 'net worth' to 'put down' working women, take away the income and let's see where the family will be financially. If some women believe they are not supposed to bring in an income, let them stop wasting resources getting an education beyond secondary school level.

debosky: As for those saying does self esteem have to come from earning an income, I ask you - would you consider a husband not earning (or trying to earn) an income as someone with self esteem? No be the same school husband and wife dey go?

Bros, If na play stop am, gender equality no reach that level

jidegirl12: To MMtimo;


MMtimo exhilarate the lackadaisical act all you want , lets call a spade a spade, procrastinating will not solve her problem, get off her lazy bum and do something!

Good for you you're content with one income and manage little you had without whining and unappreciative.

And I don't buy ''putting your career on hold'' story, any woman would be glad to stay home and nurture their kids 24/7 AND have it all meaning if my husband rakes in both our Net income why won't I stay home and do yoga, Pilates , mom groups everyday till they're school -agers ?



Most ''new age'' ladies can barely do groceries with 40k Naira ( seen it all on NL) and house chores without cursing the man out/ ridicule him how his mates treat their wives. They want to keep up with olowoyemis , drink bournvita and glazed donut , watch nollywood , reproduce .

Mom of 2 employee who works full time, I asked her why pay that much for childcare and stay home instead? She said she makes $1400 monthly staying home and now makes $2000 ( net), the difference goes a long way she said.
They're going to Cuba for summer family vaca. I doubt they can afford that if she decided to stay home.

You've lost me. What is lackadaisical about my posts? Did you read what I wrote about/to the victim on the previous page? I'm not a flip flopper and I believe my comments clearly reflect my views. I don't call people names because they choose not to stay home, same way I would not call a SHM names.
Did you notice where I mentioned affordability and trust (going back to bolden it now)? Did I say a person must spend money they can't afford? Good for the person going on vacation, her family needs her income and she's working. Where did Mmotimo argue against that?


Yes, it's putting my career on hold, not sure how you've interpreted that expression In my line of work, taking extended time off work has an effect, it's just the way it is and I'm not complaining.


Here's an excerpt from that post

Staying home (usually the woman in African settings) is a lifestyle choice and is determined by affordability and trust. I bolden this because for most people, it's not affordable but that does not mean you disparage others who can afford the choice. Above all, it should always be a joint decision and like most things in life, subject to change if it is not sustainble. No point doing it if one partner resents the other partner staying home or if it is not an affordable choice for your family

MMotimo:

You've lost me. What is lackadaisical about my posts? Did you read what I wrote about/to the victim on the previous page? I'm not a flip flopper and I believe my comments clearly reflect my views. I don't call people names because they choose not to stay home, same way I would not call a SHM names.
Did you notice where I mentioned affordability and trust (going back to bolden it now)? Did I say a person must spend money they can't afford? Good for the person going on vacation, her family needs her income and she's working. Where did Mmotimo argue against that?

^^^ Arousing and Encouraging a Degree holder to stay home when it's clear her husband wants her to work, making excuses for lazy bums because it works for you and you had a supportive man, we should discourage this mindset instead of encouraging it and that's why I'm not very pleased with your notion= it's NOT A VIABLE OPTION , IT'S PURE LAZINESS.

MMotimo:
Yes, it's putting my career on hold, not sure how you've interpreted that expression In my line of work, taking extended time off work has an effect, it's just the way it is and I'm not complaining.

I disagree .... what effect? you'd lose your position / your 401k depreciate / age ? And with all due respect ma'am you shouldn't complain, not an option either cos you had a choice.

It seems like the husband is very controlling but as I continue reading the picture began to change.If the man Doesn't want his wife to progress or work he would never had allowed her to go to school in the first place.She went to school to get certified so she can work. Did she? Now she wants to go to school again.Why? She is not allowed to go anywhere but can spend two days at your house...but not at her family.I think she is seeing someone else and after ten years and with 3 young children...she is coming up with lame excuses to abandon her family and go live a free and single life.

I think you are just in the mood to argue. Kindly show me where I encouraged the victim to stay home, are you confusing me with someone else? The woman is suffering so how is that a viable option and how did you conclude that's what my post said? Did you not read what I said about her. You are throwing out accusations with no basis

Jide, I don't know what you are seeing in my posts o! I already said I'm not complaining about the effect, been there, done that. By the way, no, I'm not interested in disclosing my occupation . If I say it has an effect and you say it doesn't, all I can say is you are welcome. Think of me as an onion seller in Abakaliki with the biggest stall in the market, can't have Mama Emeka usurp my seniority

This is what I wrote on the previous page

As for the "victim"
So she has endured 10 years of her husband's behavior and now after 3 children delievered in those circumstances, she's contemplating divorce? Why did she not speak up at the beginning? Better still, what was the reason for marrying a controlling man? As in most of these stories, everything begins at courtship, before you get married. Hardly anyone changes after marriage, what you see is what you get.

Maybe when our society stops disparaging unmarried women, womenfolk will have the backbone to say no to abusive, controlling suitors. More likely than not, she knew from tbe beginning that the guy was controlling.

jidegirl12:

^^^ Arousing and Encouraging a Degree holder to stay home when it's clear her husband wants her to work, making excuses for lazy bums because it works for you and you had a supportive man, we should discourage this mindset instead of encouraging it and that's why I'm not very pleased with your notion= it's NOT A VIABLE OPTION , IT'S PURE LAZINESS.




I disagree .... what effect? you'd lose your position / your 401k depreciate / age ? And with all due respect ma'am you shouldn't complain, not an option either cos you had a choice.

nikkykay: @ poster
Please tell ur friend I said she is a lazy woman! She is so d@ft!
I will put d 150% blame on her while 50 wil go to d husband! Did d husband tie her down not 2go & find work?
By d way, wots dir age diff?! A graduate of 10 yrs marriage with no work experience shld forget abt getting an office work 4now! And wot does she want 2do wit masters? Such lazy woman!
I guess she is just using her husband as an xcuse! She is not ready 2work herselfb
If she's a very serious woman & she has plans 4herself & not enjoyin all d gossips going on in her are, wot happens 2 deducting frm monthly allownace being given to her 2buy food stuff? Am sure within 1yr if she s doing contribution, she wuld hv had some savings 2set her sef up!
Wot happens 2learning how to sow? Or with small capital like 5 or 10k, let her start making puff puff or buns @ home & take it 2schs 2sell! From dre she will grow in2 somethg bigger!
She has decided 2add no value 2her self, hw does she expect d husband 2value her?
No man wil ever respect u if dey knw u rely solely on them!
@ poster if u r working, u can borrow her some money! Not 2do business but 2go & learn sowing!
Let her take a step 1st & see if d husband wil kick against her!
Like some1 said earlier, her kids r alrdy in sch so dat shldnt b an issue!
She's complaining of house chores whn she's doesn't hv anywhere 2go or anythg 2dob
I wish she's my friend & I wuld b glad 2 rain abuses on her!
Poster if usef is such a good friend, dre is not point bringing her matter here!
Do u think pple will tell her 2divorce or wot?!
I guess birds of d same feather...
Pls we shldnt blame dat man much but d yeye house wife!

I do not find her lazy. Raising three young children is hard work, including housework and taking care of the husband is a lot of work.

She got jobs but the husband refused for her to take those jobs because it will impact on the family. She suggested a nanny to come in and take care of the children and the house chores while she works, the husband refused. She then asked the husband to look for a job that he will approve, he claims he cannot find any. She suggested that she start a business, the husband refused that also because it will impact on the family.

Her brother was stranded and her husband refused to help him out with transportation money. Her family is suffering including her old dad in the village.

The husband has refused to allocate funds for her allowance, he has failed his wife. The husband is obviously having problems financially and he should allow his wife to help him and she appears to be very intelligent and can contribute to the marriage in a positive manner.

I find the husband to be very controlling, abusive, insecure, immature, selfish, etc. The husband must have a lot to hide. He simply wants his wife to be kept in the dark about something.

I will suggest calling a family meeting, his family and her family and letting them know that you are not being giving your allowance. You are making a suggestion that you will like to start working or starting a business and that you need a nanny/housekeeper (part-time).

Nobody has the right to cause a mental illness such as depression on another human being. She may end up on psychotic drugs and the children and family that he wishes for her to take care of will be null and void.

The man needs to be very careful.

baby_123: OP,
You better mind your business. She most likely married him, knowing his expectations and the kind of person he is. She also seems like a whiner. Maybe she is not getting what she expected to be getting from him to keep her lifestyle. All the time she stays at home, instead of thinking of creative ideas, she comes to you to discuss her problems. Yet she claims the husband won't let her leave the house. If the money does not come to you, you have to go to the money. She needs to sit down and map a creative strategy to a business idea for the husband. Which would not make her neglect her agreed housewife status. How can you sit down and complain your husband refused to look for a job for you. A graduate for that matter.lmao.

subsequent posting from the poster indicated that she got numerous jobs which the husband refused for her to take citing family obligations, and the type of jobs. When she suggested a nanny, he refused. When she asked him to help source the type of job he would prefer for her, he refused and claimed he could not find any.

Sis I know what I'm talking about , why should I argue with you just cause? I've read your numerous posts on this topic and I know where you stand.

MMotimo: Don't know how many times this issue comes up in this section but I will say what I have always said. Culturally, Nigerian women, especially Southerners have been raised to believe that you have to bring in an income in order for your spouse and his family to respect you. Never mind that you have abused women with full time jobs.

A lot of people think staying at home makes it more likely your husband will abuse you. Please, spend time on courtship, know whom you are marrying. If hes going to be an abuser, chances are, you will see signs if you spend enough time in courtship. A very small minority of men can change overnight into monsters but that is not the norm. By the way, be careful that you, the wife, do not change into something the guy did not bargain for. If you were the saving type before he married you but afterwards, suddenly develop a taste for keeping up with the Joneses, that would not be fair to him.

Staying home (usually the woman in African settings) is a lifestyle choice and is determined by affordability and trust. I bolden this because for most people, it's not affordable but that does not mean you disparage others who can afford the choice. Above all, it should always be a joint decision and like most things in life, subject to change if it is not sustainble. No point doing it if one partner resents the other partner staying home or if it is not an affordable choice for your family

If the working partner's income is not sufficient to finance household expenses, you probably should not opt for it. When I say expense, that includes aso ebi, your Brazillian weaves, owambe parties, vacations, clothing, etc and any financial assistance to relatives/friends on both sides. I may be able to run my household on N50000.00 a month but maybe yours runs on $8000.00 per month. The same question still applies - can the working partner sustain the expenses? If so, for how long and at what cost?

At this point, I must say that if you don't have direct access to the income earner's accounts/earnings, if your assets and liabilities are not in joint names, then you should probably not stay home. Already, there's a comma in the situation if only one party makes and controls the financial decisions. In order for it to be successful, there has to be trust on both sides and each side should be comfortable with the other's spending habits.

Life insurance policies are available in Nigeria, same as in the West. It is called insurance in case the unexpected happens, fear of death should not mean you can't stay home and raise your kids if that is your family's desire. Sadly, the vast majority of Nigerian women that work, still have no net worth to show for it. It is still the constant hand to mouth, keeping up with the Joneses, dodging randy bosses at work who derive joy from chopping another man's wife.

Why are you staying home? For the vast majority, it's to raise their kids. For a few, it's simply a preference. If your spouse is fine with it and you can both make it work, do not let the mischievous sow discord in your home by calling you names.

If part of your self worth is tied to your career or how much money you make, it's probably not a good idea. For some people, working is not about money but about self worth/esteem
If you are going to miss the workplace environment, you should probably just keep working. If you are going to feel embarrassed and useless because you are not working, then keep working.

A much as possible, let your value system be based on experiences, not on acquisitions. I tell you, life becomes so much simpler once it's no longer just about acquisitions. Focus on building NW while at the same time, building your children (those that make the choice for kids).

Finally, yes, I stayed home for a couple of years, in Naija and in the West. I work now, because our kids are much older/independent and household expenses have grown. My extended family do not pry in my business so I didn't have to explain to anybody but I know it took a lot for my Mum not to say anything. She started working at 18 and only retired when she had a solid gold pension and left with a sizable package. If she were dead, she might have turned in her grave, she drummed career mum into me at an early age.

I stayed home but I have always had access to everything my husband has/earns and vice versa. I am that wife that knows where everything is and whose husband will "sign here" without a second glance because of mutual trust. It doesn't matter which gender plays the lead financial role, trust is non-negotiable when it comes to money, epecially for a Naija couple.

This is the post... @ bolded.... this is exactly @lemon's mindset, stay home and direct/advice/ delegate / whatever expenses that she had no kobo contribution cos she's special and endowed with GOOD ATTITUDE

@trust yes I was engaged for almost 5years, we have had everything-joint orientation way back before we got married so wasn't a problem.

And lastly , It's shouldn't be acceptable NOR an option/choice for any woman to stay home and the man work to stupor because he's married. Otherwise they should not go to school in the first place.

@poster
i think a lot of good suggestions came from this thread for your friend with regards to what type of business she can start from home that will make her husband very proud. What does she think about those suggestions?

There is a general consensus that she should not seek divorce.

I am not sure what type of friend you are to her, but divorce should not be the wise course of action at this stage. She has many other options left.

You throw out baseless accusations, I challenge you to substantiate them and you come up with more of the same.

So this is the post to support your most recent accusation? Really? Seriously?

Did I say I support a man working to stupor? Does that not right away suggest it's not an affordable choice if that's what he has to do?

@ trust
Does it not take trust to believe your spouse will not mistreat you if you stay home? That is where trust comes in. Spending time in courtship relates to getting to know your intended spouse well and deciding what behaviors you are prepared to live with. If a man makes it clear he does not believe in a stay home situation, should a woman marry such a man if she wants to consider that option? At the same time, just because there is trust does not make it a viable option if it's not affordable.

I think you are personalizing this to yourself thus the endless accusations that you cannot defend. That long post is directed mainly at people to whom it is/will be a viable choice. You do not belong in that group, as you have made clear so what gives

Just going around in circles here, I can't do this endlessly, no time, my most important personalities are right here in the house. Enough time spent on Nland today

jidegirl12: Sis I know what I'm talking about , why should I argue with you just cause? I've read your numerous posts on this topic and I know where you stand.




This is the post... @ bolded.... this is exactly @lemon's mindset, stay home and direct/advice/ delegate / whatever expenses that she had no kobo contribution cos she's special and endowed with GOOD ATTITUDE

@trust yes I was engaged for almost 5years, we have had everything-joint orientation way back before we got married so wasn't a problem.

And lastly , It's shouldn't be acceptable NOR an option/choice for any woman to stay home and the man work to stupor because he's married. Otherwise they should not go to school in the first place.

Won tun ti bere.

Tatiana09 aka nwando, I see ya on the guest list o. Kedu ka I mere?

dayokanu: Defintely I understand you, Temporary situations are understandable and acceptable e.g Reading for an exams, The health isnt too good, She needs to be in school etc

Those ones are working at something that would benefit them and their family in the future cant be liabilities they are Assets or better still "Work in Progress" Like an asset under construction

But the ones who just sit at home, No job, no trade, no plans waiting for husband

Any situation can change so saying stuff like Pray to God for blah bla blah doesnt cut it. The sweet and generous husband can change tomorrow and change the password to the account, he might lose his job, He might die So what happens to you

The irony of this issue is that the illiterate women are not even doing this they are in Alade, balogun, Katangwa market from dusk to dawn

Its the educated I have a 2-1 I want a masters women that are now content with 10yrs of sitting at home waiting for Husband before she buys toothpaste

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damiso:


I get what you mean and believe me i share that mindset.I believe you should never depend 100% financially on another human being as an adult.When i was in university i used to sell just cos my parents used to give me the necessities and i wanted nice stuff without carrying aristo.I used to sell for my mum and my profits would go on clothes.During holidays or strikes i would use my mum and dad contacts for coporate gifts or hampers and use my proceeds for stuff.That is just me as an individual thinking that if i want extra,i need to work for it.

Some people dont want extra.They are ok with the basics.And some people can afford the basics on just one income.Me that i like extra is it not hypocritical to then start judging someone who can survive on basic cos me i prefer to work to get extra?My mindset has changed alot since becoming a mother but if i am being honest,one of my main motivations in the past for making money was so i could buy nice expensive things.When i was newly married cos my husband had been living as a bachelor for a while and i relocated to join him,he paid most of the bills.Na wetin i dey use my money do,shoes,bags,jewellery,£180 hair etc.In short i was just buying rubbish.And i would argue that i need my own money lai lai you cant tell me not to work.How is that more honourable than one who is not working probably to dedicate time to her kids? (i don change now though i still like to splurge once in a while speaking of which i need to go hide something in my wardrobe before Oga finds it,am supposed to be broke )

All am just saying is i refuse to judge someone else who stays home and does not bring in an income cos i might not know the full story.(that said if you agree to stay home on a reduced income pls dont whine if you cant buy brazilian hair,adults should be able to face up to consequences of their actions or inactions).

I like these POVs

Abegi o...i take god beg una,,
make una no sp.unk this thread o

yellowpawpaw:
I've not seen ur posts for sometime now.very occupied? Lv reading them cos they r one of d most sensible posts I see here most times

Serving my country has taken much of my online time,I now have to log in,scan through and move on.

byvan:


Serving my country has taken much of my online time,I now have to log in,scan through and move on.

Enjoy it while it last!its fun I tell u.remembered wen I did mine, was so lucky,everything I did was close to my house.saluta!

Some are here blaming the woman saying that she is lazy nd all that. from the post, u can imagine the woman family background. The mum died whn she is in secondary school nd maybe the man saw her thru the university nd to show appreciation she married him. Does she have mouth? whtever the man says that she will do. For me i see a woman with no one to speak on her behalf. i will not suggest divorce but i will like the woman to start up something in her home, since he asked him to stay at home