Lately, it's been causing strain in our relationship; d moment I pick up my phone, there goes d nagging.
I've cut down drastically d time I spend with my fone, but dat don't seem to do. However little time I spend with my device always seem to end in trouble...granted, she has seen some lewd chats on my fone, but is dat enough reason why I shouldn't press my phone.
This is d 21st century for crying out loud, without my fone, how do I keep in touch with friends? how do I job-hunt? how do I pass time(since there isn't much to do around here)?

Very funny. Na ur fault na! Cos u were caught with ur lewd chats. Some people can't seem to live without their phones if u re one of such then I don't blame her cos every woman wants attention.
Give her lots of attention and she'll let u to use ur fone

you aint searching for no job... rather more clients for more lewd .....

as much as i hate nagging ones, it is your fault you got here

@toyin. Dat was a long time ago, don't ladies ever forgive? unfortunately, I fall into d category of those who can't do without phones.

^^^^ do you expect her to forgive you for no damn reasons? you used a device to wrong her and now she is very wary of that device. you cannot blame that lady, and instead should try to show her that you have changed. if she never ever forgives you then you would have only yourself to blame for that. forgiveness should be EARNED, and obviously it seems you are not doing what is right to earn it!

as hard as it may be for you, maybe you should let her watch over your shoulder whenever you type/receive any text.

sexkillz: Does she live with you?

sometimes we spend a few days together.

Oga please use your phone. Did she buy it for you? Make sure you don't do those chats again and tell her you've stopped and that now she should be the one to trust you.. She can't stop you from using your phone na, abi she is your wife?
Okay do you know exactly what she does with her own phone at every single moment she holds it ? The fact that she is trying to get you to stop it because it seems she has legitimate reasons does not mean that she too is innocent and has always been. She can complain and nag you but will be doing her own... That's girls for you
If you trust her, let her trust you too.

be transperant and let her know what you always do

my 1dolla

WackyJ1: Oga please use your phone. Did she buy it for you? Make sure you don't do those chats again and tell her you've stopped and that now she should be the one to trust you.. She can't stop you from using your phone na, abi she is your wife?
Okay do you know exactly what she does with her own phone at every single moment she holds it ? The fact that she is trying to get you to stop it because it seems she has legitimate reasons does not mean that she too is innocent and has always been. She can complain and nag you but will be doing her own... That's girls for you
If you trust her, let her trust you too.

sorry bro but whoever bought this guy's phone has absolutely nothing to do with the present issue......... and i doubt you will just tell your partner to "not do it again" if she had done the same mistake, lets be realistic and unbiased here. you are right about ONE THING: this gal cannot stop him from using his phone, but if he wants peace in his union (with that particular girl) then he has to do whats right, whether she is his wife or gf.

also what SHE does with her phone is completely irrelevant as SHE was not caught fooling around, HE was. so stick to the problem at hand instead of trying to shift the blame on someone else. unless you know something we dont, you or anyone else has to accept that the gf is innocent and has always been....... stop bringing childish points to the table.

i am sorry you've had bad experiences with women in your past (we all did) but dont automatically assume that all women are like the miserable cunning witches that you or I have been dating in the past. the OP made a mistake and he is naturally paying for it, if he doesnt like it then maybe next time he shouldnt do wrong. only his gal can decide when he should be trusted again, as we all know that TRUST should be earned. when she believes that he has changed then she will forgive and trust him again, but right now he isnt there yet.

elvisimeh: Lately, it's been causing strain in our relationship; d moment I pick up my phone, there goes d nagging.
I've cut down drastically d time I spend with my fone, but dat don't seem to do. However little time I spend with my device always seem to end in trouble...granted, she has seen some lewd chats on my fone, but is dat enough reason why I shouldn't press my phone.
This is d 21st century for crying out loud, without my fone, how do I keep in touch with friends? how do I job-hunt? how do I pass time(since there isn't much to do around here)?

i biliv d girl aint staying permanently with u, so what's d dry cry abt 21st century?
Dude, he doesn't like it, period! I'm sure if u're doing a job hunt, there's a way u can av er sit at ur side and do it together. Only a fool will get angry then, seeing wot u are doing?

I biliv ur parents aint on 2go or BBM, so who else is so important unless ur boss? And if u kept d dry cry of 21st century as an alibi, then u shld udstnd dt 'busy' is a status on any social network for u to switch to anytime she is around.

21 century didn't ask us to be irresponsible, it only makes it simplier! Ok?

Drop ur fucckin phone and give ur girl her time! Simples.

its wrong for the other partner to dictate the cellphone usage of the other as we are all entittled to our own space but at the same time try not to use your phone during the lovey dovey relaxation time as it has proven to course some strain on relationships

Well you have shown that you can not be trusted so what do you expect? She should knoww better than to monitor your phone and its usage, men like you wwill always find a way to get into a lewd situation so she should stop stressing herself.

MRbrownJAY:

sorry bro but whoever bought this guy's phone has absolutely nothing to do with the present issue......... and i doubt you will just tell your partner to "not do it again" if she had done the same mistake, lets be realistic and unbiased here. you are right about ONE THING: this gal cannot stop him from using his phone, but if he wants peace in his union (with that particular girl) then he has to do whats right, whether she is his wife or gf.

also what SHE does with her phone is completely irrelevant as SHE was not caught fooling around, HE was. so stick to the problem at hand instead of trying to shift the blame on someone else. unless you know something we dont, you or anyone else has to accept that the gf is innocent and has always been....... stop bringing childish points to the table.

i am sorry you've had bad experiences with women in your past (we all did) but dont automatically assume that all women are like the miserable cunning witches that you or I have been dating in the past. the OP made a mistake and he is naturally paying for it, if he doesnt like it then maybe next time he shouldnt do wrong. only his gal can decide when he should be trusted again, as we all know that TRUST should be earned. when she believes that he has changed then she will forgive and trust him again, but right now he isnt there yet.

It took a while to come to reply you, i tried twice but it didn't quite work out well so here are my points now
1. In a relationship there has to be trust and forgiveness, yes he was caught doing something wrong before but she has to forgive him and forgiving him is not just about saying she does she has to show it too. Then trust is also involved, yes he broke her trust before but how long will she continue to hound him? Does preventing him from using his phone is her presence stop him from doing other things when she is not there? Is she not mature enough to know that it doesn't and then give him some space? Why can't she let the past be in the past, you and i, i'm sure we will both agree that bringing up the past everytime in a relationship will create unnecessary tension and lead to resentment especially when you are using it to cause some sort of restriction. Trust is about giving benefit of the doubt, when you see your partner do something wrong, you make him or her apologize, show sincere remorse and then you have no choice but to give him/her the chance to prove that they have really changed. And i can tell you categorically now that the best i can tell my partner is to not do it again.
The poster himself has said that it is a long time that he did such last, showing he is ready to change, why is it only his girl that cannot see that.

2. so you actually said the OP made a mistake and is actually paying for the mistake and maybe he shouldn't make the mistake if he cannot pay for it and only the girl can decide when he can be trusted again. May i ask if it is a relationship you are talking about or a Jail sentence? If relationships are handled my pointing out every mistake and making sure the partner pays for it for as long as possible then not many relationships would be lasting. Like i said sometimes you give benefit of the doubt, you can't just tell a man to not use his phone at all just because she is there, she has to give him a chance to show that he has changed or else she is not really solving the problem just making sure that it is not commited before her

3. Bro this is the 21st century and female infidelity is on an all time high these days, you can't sit here and assume the girl is completely innocent and i can bet that it is not all her interactions with the opposite sex that her boyfriend would like if she should scroll through her phone. Is it not a common saying nowadays that one should not scroll through his girlfriend's texts if he does not want to get heart attack? You can't say that the guy has not gone through her phone and not seen what he doesn't like but he can't keep hounding her about it too as two wrongs do not make a right.

My main point is that the girl should chill and let her man use his phone and if she cannot trust him with his phone is her presence then where can she trust him again and if there is not trust then she should just break up with him and find a man who will switch off his phone when he is with her.

^^^^^
1- forgiving someone that A) doesnt deserve forgiveness or B) are not remorseful about what they did, is wrong and definitely not solving the problem at hand. the only way they can have a chance at being happy together "again" is if/when that guy understands the problem he has created by his foolish actions, and most importantly, that the lady fully believes that this man deserves to be forgiven...... if she doesnt, for any reason whatsoever (thats her decision to make, not ours), then they can never be happy again. preventing someone untrustworthy to use the tool with which they cheated is a completely normal behavior. if the past problems have NOT been resolved then they cannot be considered as the past, and will remain the present.

what you all want this lady to do is to sweep the problem under a rug and pretend it never happened, instead of dealing with the issue directly by KNOWING why he did it, MAKING SURE it can never happen again and MAKING him understand what he has to lose if he does again.

2- not pointing out the mistakes that are made in a r/ship is the reasons why so many fail. if something is wrong then you MUST point it out, instead of being silent. r/ships are about two people respecting each other, so far as i know, and if respect is lacking in any way then you must voice your concern. being quiet will only allow the other person to believe that all is well, while it is NOT!

again, only the lady can decide what will make HER feel that he has changed. he is lucky she didnt ask him to change his number like many would have.....that's what happen when people disrespect their partner, you become worst than you ever were together, you lose all credibility and need to rebuild TRUST.

3- i do not give a flying fukc what women these days are doing (and so should you). this lady was NOT caught doing anything wrong, so we cannot sit here and judge her as if she did. many women are murderers these days, should i now treat them all like they killed someone? many women are into pro.stitution today, should i now treat all women like they are pro.stitutes?

if the bf is against ANYTHING she does (or saw in her phone) then let him tell her just that or be silent forever.... but he certainly shouldnt bring some childish issues to the table simply because he was caught cheating. whatever he "supposedly" saw on her phone, he accepted it. whatever she saw, she didnt accept it! HE did something wrong, HE should pay for it!

as for what you wrote below:

My main point is that the girl should chill and let her man use his phone and if she cannot trust him with his phone is her presence then where can she trust him again and if there is not trust then she should just break up with him and find a man who will switch off his phone when he is with her.

i can only ask you "how old you are", because what you wrote is very childish. everything that is happening is down to ONE REASON: because the guy DIDNT do what was right. the lady treated him right, let him use his phone as he pleased (like most do), but he didnt do what was right. so, get your facts right, the lady NEVER looked for a man who didnt use his phone, she looked for a man WHO WOULD RESPECT HER. what is happening now is down to the miserable actions of this man (which resulted in the loss of trust), and should only be blamed on that MAN.

sadly, if the man doesnt like the monster HE created, he can always break up with her. since she hasnt done anything wrong, so far as we know, her conscience is clear. use your brain for one second, that girl is trying to give him a chance BUT HE HAS TO PROVE HIMSELF.

MRbrownJAY: ^^^^^
1- forgiving someone that A) doesnt deserve forgiveness or B) are not remorseful about what they did, is wrong and definitely not solving the problem at hand. the only way they can have a chance at being happy together "again" is if/when that guy understands the problem he has created by his foolish actions, and most importantly, that the lady fully believes that this man deserves to be forgiven...... if she doesnt, for any reason whatsoever (thats her decision to make, not ours), then they can never be happy again. preventing someone untrustworthy to use the tool with which they cheated is a completely normal behavior. if the past problems have NOT been resolved then they cannot be considered as the past, and will remain the present.

You're sounding like the OP is an unrepentant person who makes the same mistake every week meanwhile the OP has said that it has been a long time since he did such. Yes preventing the man from using the tool with which he made the mistake is completely normal at first, his phone is meant for other things and not just for communicating with her or other girls as the poster is trying to point out, there might be other things that the poster needs to do with his phone while with her, should he now miss out on those things because his girlfriend can't let go of the past?

MRbrownJAY:
what you all want this lady to do is to sweep the problem under a rug and pretend it never happened, instead of dealing with the issue directly by KNOWING why he did it, MAKING SURE it can never happen again and MAKING him understand what he has to lose if he does again.

I want you to be aware that a considerable amount of time has passed since the poster made the mistake, by defending her inability to sweep it under the rug, are you now saying that she has not done all the things mentioned above since and has instead decided to completely avoid the situation by making sure the poster does not use his phone in her presence again? Wouldn't that be childishness on the girl's part? i'd like to assume that they have talked about it and she has found out all she needs to know, the thing i can disagree with is that she can't comepletely make sure that it does not happen again but after she has disciplined him a bit she should relax.

MRbrownJAY:
2- not pointing out the mistakes that are made in a r/ship is the reasons why so many fail. if something is wrong then you MUST point it out, instead of being silent. r/ships are about two people respecting each other, so far as i know, and if respect is lacking in any way then you must voice your concern. being quiet will only allow the other person to believe that all is well, while it is NOT!

again, only the lady can decide what will make HER feel that he has changed. he is lucky she didnt ask him to change his number like many would have.....that's what happen when people disrespect their partner, you become worst than you ever were together, you lose all credibility and need to rebuild TRUST.

3- i do not give a flying fukc what women these days are doing (and so should you). this lady was NOT caught doing anything wrong, so we cannot sit here and judge her as if she did. many women are murderers these days, should i now treat them all like they killed someone? many women are into pro.stitution today, should i now treat all women like they are pro.stitutes?

if the bf is against ANYTHING she does (or saw in her phone) then let him tell her just that or be silent forever.... but he certainly shouldnt bring some childish issues to the table simply because he was caught cheating. whatever he "supposedly" saw on her phone, he accepted it. whatever she saw, she didnt accept it! HE did something wrong, HE should pay for it!

as for what you wrote below:



i can only ask you "how old you are", because what you wrote is very childish. everything that is happening is down to ONE REASON: because the guy DIDNT do what was right. the lady treated him right, let him use his phone as he pleased (like most do), but he didnt do what was right. so, get your facts right, the lady NEVER looked for a man who didnt use his phone, she looked for a man WHO WOULD RESPECT HER. what is happening now is down to the miserable actions of this man (which resulted in the loss of trust), and should only be blamed on that MAN.

sadly, if the man doesnt like the monster HE created, he can always break up with her. since she hasnt done anything wrong, so far as we know, her conscience is clear. use your brain for one second, that girl is trying to give him a chance BUT HE HAS TO PROVE HIMSELF. [/quote]
Old man mind your language, you don't go calling anyone Childish just because you feel you have a superior point.
for the first bolded part, you're sounding as if it is the right of the girl to restrict the way her man uses his phone and by not restricting him she has done him a favor. That is so wrong, the man has the right to use his phone whenever and however he wants, it is not the girl that should determine that.
Yes so far as we know she hasn't done anything wrong but can you honestly assume that from the beginning of the relationship to this present moment that she hasn't made a mistake once or even twice? The main thing that i am saying and i have been saying is that after they have talked about it and the lady has done her punishment, there should be a time when she lets go, by constantly telling him to put away his phone she is letting him know that she has not forgotten what he did, she has not even forgiven him fully and not willing to let it go, she is constantly bringing up the past and if the poster should treat her the same way based on her own mistakes in the relationship then i doubt that the relationship would last.
BY NOT BREAKING UP WITH HIM INSTANTLY SHE HAS DEMONSTRATED THAT SHE IS NOT WILLING TO LOSE HIM AND SHE IS READY TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE AND FORGIVE HIM, she should fully express that by letting it go after a period of good behaviour even before she feels she is satisfied. The longer she reminds herself of the pain she felt when she discovered it, the longer she is unwilling to let it go and the longer she will want to keep punishing him.
Just because he made a mistake doesn't mean she should turn into a MONSTER, that is her doing and not his, turning into a monster is not the only course of action that can be taking. YOU CAN'T KEEP PUNISHING SOMEONE FOR A SIN HE COMMITTED A LONG TIME AGO BECAUSE YOU WANT TO KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP IS GOING eventually the person is going to keep feeling worse and worse and eventually leave just to get peace of mind.

Once again, mind the way you address people. that "use your brain for one second" comment was ucalled for"