When Laye a childhood friend disclosed to me her romantic dalliance with her new found lover Tamara many years ago I was happy for her, I could sense a sparkle in her eyes the same sparkle that radiated when one has been bitten by the proverbial love bug, they had a whole lot going for them, they acted as best friends, lovers, went everywhere together and shared a lot of things in common, getting married thus was a mere formality as they were already neck deep into each other theirs seemed like a love built in heaven.

Fast forward now to five years down the lane their once enviable relationship had nose dived into a battle field, Laye couldn't comprehend the new man Tamara had turned into, they barely spent time together and even when they did it all ended up in quarrels and tales of woes from both parties. Suddenly, his weekends were always spent hanging out with friends who had always existed, she suspected Tamara was trying to avoid her at all cost but couldn't do a thing about it.

Tamara on the other hand knew a lot of water had gone under the bridge but the last thing he wanted was a direct confrontation with her knowing the monster she was gradually turning herself into, he still loved her no doubt but airing his feelings would further aggravate issues between them, having an in depth understanding of her personality or so he thought.

I decided to step in knowing things had definitely gone out of hands, I was there when it all started and knew how perfect they were when things were normal between them I was curious to decipher what went wrong and help fix it my own way,so armed with my curiosity and optimism at making things revert to normal between them I set out..........

According to Tamara in his words,

"my major problem with Laye is the fact that she had completely transformed from the sweet little girl I met and fell in Love with to a stranger I cant even comprehend, she monitors my every move, suspects every single step I take, ransacks my phone at every slight opportunity, suspects me of being sexually intimate with any female she sees close to me not even bothering to find out if she is a relative or just a close acquaintance of mine,we never have a decent conversation, every attempt to discuss issues with her fails as she always nags it into a quarrel the most infuriating part of the whole issue is that she now cares less about her appearance when I met her she was one cute slim shady she has let her self go so much that she now has a pot belly which she knows I hate so much, she always looked trendy for me but now everything has changed, Laye who used to take out time to churn out various delicacies now barely has time for me or the kitchen I ought to have called it quits with her a long time ago but the love I have for her is restraining me that is why I just go out most times,its not like I am cheating on her I swear down I am not,I just feel the need to hang out with my friends to regain my sanity so I don't take any rash action".

Speaking to Laye I knew everything Tamara said was true

she had no tangible excuse to give to counter the accusations she had a man who was a rare breed, a man who genuinely loved her, provided for her but she gave room to her insecurities withdrawing all those things which ignited the initial attraction because she felt he was captured already.

Moral Instructions;

1.Trust your Partner: The moment Laye gave room to her suspicion she lost it all.The moment you believe that monotonous cliche which I call crap i.e " all men are the same" it begins to work for you. Leave his phones alone that is why you have yours and he has his, stop snooping on his social networking pages seeking information to nail him, if you intend to be a practicing investigator get enlisted into the FBI and be bountifully paid for your investigative prowess rather than use your relationship as a laboratory for experiments. Even though its common knowledge that temptations abound in the form of half clad girls littered everywhere, TRUST him enough to handle situations for without trust there is really no need being in the relationship in the first place.

2.Never Ever Neglect You:

Before you met your partner you could best be described as one of the hottest babes amongst your cliques of friends, you knew all the fashion trends and always turned out beautiful, you had a life of your own, you had set goals and ambitions which instigated and made you a pride to your partner, Suddenly, you have lost it all you are now a goalless inspiration less entity ,your belly and buttock now compete with each other with one trying to out grow the other, you are gradually beginning to look like his old grandmother in the village even the old woman sef get swag pass you sometimes, sweet heart you and his grandmother were placed in different generations for a reason,you are young she is old, cast your mind back to the days when you were still trying to impress your man those little things you were conscious of, hit the gym and get back into shape if you notice you are loosing it, even though we cant fight nature try to age gracefully be the chick that does not only turns heads but break necks cos whether you like it or not, these men go out everyday they see pretty, trendy and highly successful women, make yourself someone your partner would always be proud to be associated with, strive to be better than the way you were when you first started, look good for your man or else one hottie who is readily available would collect him fro you ASAP!!!.

3.Keep being you:

When the relationship started you were the perfect combination of a cheerful, jovial, caring, creative, compassionate girl who was fun to be with you could wash, clean,cook simultaneously that you could infact be likened to a human machine you organized his life so perfectly that he always felt handicapped without you.

Now you have started listening to numerous fairy tales, believing some messed up ideologies that a woman shouldn't do such things for a man. For a second take some time out and check the relationship pattern of those advising you and see if truly they are worth emulating dont get me wrong here, I don't mean you should slave just to prove a point the ish is this don't start what you know you cant finish, you now compare yourself to those olosho's outside, calling yourself a cream chick you fix artificial fingernails that look like claws, cross your legs and order sharwarma when you go visiting, convincing yourself that he respects you more when you form classy. My dear form for him and form out of his life.

He loved you more for those things and even bragged to his friends about them, suddenly you stop because you feel you have captured his heart,

are you a learner?

keep being yourself darling and if you must change, change for the better, let the proverbial old wine be your guiding principle as it gets better with age .

article by bossmi.

Sustaining your relationship,can be likened to a camp fire you need constant fuel to keep the fire burning, shalom!!!