Hi people, it’s been ages that I have been on this site. I have a terrible problem that is affecting myself and my true love. We’ve been dating for quite a while and we are both Christians that serve in the church fervently. The pastor knows about our relationship. Anyways, to cut the story short, I’m not a virgin any more due to foolishness in my past.

My man is a virgin but I’m leading him astray by kissing him all the time and last night I slept over his house and we nearly had sex and he said he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t really respect me any more and he doesn’t trust me with other guys . He also said he won’t propose to me until I stopped all my sexual desires act. A man of God has already told me that if one partner is not a virgin, it will be difficult as d non-virgin might lead d other one astray and I do not want that to be portion. I want to abstain in any formal of sexual sins be ye kissing, u name it all. But I need help!

Helpful Nairaland members! I need help, how can I renew my mind and also to stop enforcing my sexual desires unto my man if not I will loose him which I don’t really want to. I’ve already told him that I do not want to lead him astray and he’s better for him to break up with me because if I’m not in a relationship, I wouldn’t do anything.
Your suggestions are welcome! Even if it is to stop visiting him for a couple of month, I wouldn’t mind.

Someone should help nellydamz, -nice name u got dere. don't really know how to advise people. The best thing is not to visit your guy at home, always meet in public places and remember that God is the owner of your body! You dont have to worry about missing him or missing cooking for him which i assume you do. The guy will love u for that and he will respect you more if u respect ur body and u help him to have deeper relationship with God rather you affecting him to stay holy.
Hope have been helpful?

Go to ya pastor

@ poster
That's oneof the side effect of  long relationships. If you guys are old and mature enough, and capable ( mentally, financially etc) I advise that you get married.
As a non virgin, if your guy is not giving you, You are at a high risk as someone(a sharp guy) might take advantage of your sexual urge

There is nothing wrong with you. You're young, you're sexually mature . . . why are you and your man surprised at your sexual urges?
This is one of the dangers of long relationships, if you both know the other is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with then get married and stop burning with desires that you can legitimately fulfill.

Your boyfriend is being the typical christian hypocrite who believe that feeling Hot is a sin. Its not! Its a natural reaction to someone you're deeply attracted to.
This man better snap back to reality, i'd prefer an expressive woman like you to a log of wood anyday.

lolz no kissing. what kind of psychotic relationship is this? I don't understand you people again. Kissing is a crime now?

as for everything else, I wont be surprised that with all this paranoia you have and advice you are seeking, in the end he still marries someone else anyway.

Either way to make you feel better, I'll just say don't allow you two to be in compromising positions thus no temptations. no sleepovers and what not. Wish you luck sha.

4 Him:

There is nothing wrong with you. You're young, you're sexually mature . . . why are you and your man surprised at your sexual urges?
This is one of the dangers of long relationships, if you both know the other is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with then get married and stop burning with desires that you can legitimately fulfill.

Your boyfriend is being the typical christian hypocrite who believe that feeling Hot is a sin. Its not! Its a natural reaction to someone you're deeply attracted to.
This man better snap back to reality, i'd prefer an expressive woman like you to a log of wood anyday.

How did u suddenly conclude that he is a hypocrite  

He allowed her to sleep over in his bed. How is that not hypocritical?

Uche2nna:

How did u suddenly conclude that he is a hypocrite  

perhaps that was a bit harsh but the boyfriend is behaving as if he's got ice running in his veins.
If your gf is a bit weak in terms of controlling her emotions, the right thing to do is not to go threatening her . . . i'm sure when she kisses him he responds abi.

@NellyDamz

Havent you heard that it is possible to rape a man? Why not rape this guy who is making life very difficult for you? You mean everythime - u get your pu ssy so so so wet and his di ck so so so hard and all he can say is that he doesnt want to do it? Please where is his house and let me know the next time you are going to seduce him and tempt him - in case he says no to you again - I will gladly jump inside the room - push him off and insert my di ck inside your pu ssy - we will tie him to the bed while he watches how it is done - please remember that a wet pu ssy is a terrible thing to waste.

Please you need to learn how to rape him - when he comes - hold his di ck in your hand - pretend you want to cut his hair on his di ck and bingo - insert it into your pu ssy while u pump away - pinning him down on the bed. If you need help - holla at me.

My question is this - why do some christians fool themselves so much? They say they dont want to have sex b4 marriage - but they can go to all extent to have romance and co and they think it is only sinful when the di ck enters the wet juciy mamalade looking pu ssy? No - if you cant hold the romances, kukuma go the whole length because -


The Lord is not mocked.

4 Him:

If your girlfriend is a bit weak in terms of controlling her emotions, the right thing to do is not to go threatening her

Yeah, thats right. Especially the part about not trusting her with other guys .

4 Him:

i'm sure when she kisses him he responds abi.

Hahaha, U bet or else the girl would have stopped kissing him a long time ago. Imagine trying to kiss and not getting any respond. Not good

4 Him:

perhaps that was a bit harsh but the boyfriend is behaving as if he's got ice running in his veins.

Given what we know about the boyfriend (which is nothing) I think we cant say what he is or what he is not.

D-reloaded:

He allowed her to sleep over in his bed. How is that not hypocritical?

Yeah , that is inviting trouble. I agree. Wise thing to do is to avoid the occasion of sins and that includes "no-sleep overs".
But like 4Him said, maybe he got ice in his veins and he thinks everybody is the same. Once again, not enuff to say he is a hypocrite.

is delusional better for you? or perhaps naive

"Naive" might suffice

Keep the suggestions/opinion coming. I'm very grateful.

We did set rules about not sleeping over n visit should not exceed past 10pm , however, we broke it. God spoke through both of us during intense prayer that we have to stop going to each others places till we r mature enough to understand why God wants relationship to be holy.

About saying my man is a hypocrite, i don't know about that.  He used to touch me and that was because he wanted me to learn to say no, which i did tried hard n he scored me 6/10 anyways i gave him the opportunity to do stuff with me which he didnt want to do but he did it bcuz he loves me n he thinks i will go for an outsider.  so my guy not trusting me is that,  he thinks that  if another guy is trying , with me, i will find it hard to say 'no'. But i know that i will say no to other guys.

What am i so vulnerable? is it because i've had sex before? isn't it better for me to have someone like my boyfriend that cares a lot, virgin n he's ready to help whenever i'm ready.? he wants me to decide on my own bt he's ready to help.

anyways i will take some of your advise on board and I know that God will continue to help me overcome my biggest fear. I will sure put satan to shame

* He did say that we will get marry in few years bt i don't want us to rush into anything.

nellydamz:

Keep the suggestions/opinion coming. I'm very grateful.

We did set rules about not sleeping over n visit should not exceed past 10pm , however, we broke it. God spoke through both of us during intense prayer that we have to stop going to each others places till we r mature enough to understand why God wants relationship to be holy.

About saying my man is a hypocrite, i don't know about that. He used to touch me and that was because he wanted me to learn to say no, which i did tried hard n he scored me 6/10 anyways i gave him the opportunity to do stuff with me which he didnt want to do but he did it bcuz he loves me n he thinks i will go for an outsider. so my guy not trusting me is that, he thinks that if another guy is trying , with me, i will find it hard to say 'no'. But i know that i will say no to other guys.

What am i so vulnerable? is it because i've had sex before? isn't it better for me to have someone like my boyfriend that cares a lot, virgin n he's ready to help whenever i'm ready.? he wants me to decide on my own bt he's ready to help.

anyways i will take some of your advise on board and I know that God will continue to help me overcome my biggest fear. I will sure put satan to shame

* He did say that we will get marry in few years bt i don't want us to rush into anything.

@Uche. PLS HELP HELP!!
I NEED HELP FROM EVERYONE
what's with the emotion? I'm guessing, ur trying to tell me that he shouldn't have done what he did with me, right? (d msg that u highlighted in bold)

I'm sure Uche2nna will be able to give you good advise since he is a guy himself and he will know how most guys think.

nellydamz:

. He used to touch me and that was because he wanted me to learn to say no, which i did tried hard n he scored me 6/10 anyways i gave him the opportunity to do stuff with me which he didnt want to do but he did it bcuz he loves me n he thinks i will go for an outsider. so my guy not trusting me is that, he thinks that if another guy is trying , with me, i will find it hard to say 'no'. But i know that i will say no to other guys.

Your dude sounds demented.

Do you attend white garment church?

I presume this is a naive SU fellow.
Why is he trying to test you and teach you to say no? If you're going to touch a girl . . . do it and do it well! Or just be like me and remain single with no room for temptations abi.

He says he will marry u in a "few yrs" . . . pele . . . by the time ur eyes open he'd have dumped you for another more Holy girl who can say no.

lmao ;d

4 Him:

Why is he trying to test you and teach you to say no?

I dont even wnat to imagine this kind of marriage.

Probably be like those people who cover themselves in bedsheets and cut holes out for only the genitals during sex

I smell a lot of masturbation going on

o ga o

Try 2 put God 1st in everytin b'cos d Bible says d fear of God is d beging of wisdom

nellydamz:

He used to touch me and that was because he wanted me to learn to say no, which i did tried hard n he scored me 6/10

na exam? LMAO

@Nellydamz (damz means damsel, l pressume)

>>First of all, it's nice to know dat u want to Abstain from sex, good thing, good girl<<

l know dat u know dat Sex is good, but Christianity preaches against fornication, so l understand what u mean by not wanting to commit sin

Ur boyfriend is a "Strict person" who obviously believes dat nowadays women are too loose (l believe so too) and dat as far as d man gets to u at d right time, u will fall, BUT he's being too self-righteous

lemme tell u, l don't think u should marry som1 u've not had sex with, becos d simple truth is, bad sex is one of da evils dat destroy a marriage, if he's not good or she's not good at it, eventually one of d parties will not be happy

And why did he arouse ur sexual urge in d first place, does he think u'r firewood? Dat's where he went wrong

And if he believes dat leavin u is d solution, l sorry 4 am

**As 4 ur name, if u really are a Damsel,  call me, l promise, l will touch d spots u want, everyday, especially ur ass, cos l love asses, especially sexy ones

But seriously, u'r a good person, keep it up

lol whip it real hard whip it whip it real harddddddddddd

its hard my sister, but i really think you should practice.
safe s*x.

be careful not to lead the young man astray

If abstaining is really that important to you esp since you're the one who's tasted "the forbidden fruit" then why don't you guys cultivate something that will allow you to be intimate together (which is usually y women want sex esp in a relationship) but not sin. Trying seating across from each other and meditating. Try holding hands or just lying on the sofa in each others' arms. Or if you know you can't handle urself if you get too close like that try hanging out more in public places. It'll put the kabosh on getting frisky. **ciao!**

Someone please call 911

The boy is a joker - touching you to see if you would 'fall' and scoring you??

I think you should avoid sleeping over and all that if you think you can't 'hold body' and not have sex. Stop kissing him and all that if it is going further and further and you guys 'almost' have sex.

There is also need to build trust. That is what you are supposed to use this period before marriage to do - build that trust that you won't simply sleep with any man if you're in the 'mood' and vice versa for him as well. I don't agree with the touching to teach you to say no crap, if you've allowed a man to touch you already, what is there to say 'no' to then??

You both need to re-establish physical boundaries and spend more time in groups than alone together. pull back from being so physical and you'll be fine.

Wait! Wait! Wait! I read further. He touched you and is doing all this scoring and nonsense?!!   Honey, your guy sounds like a sadist in the making. The appetite for causing sexual tension and pain is there. If he does marry you be sure to have some tight leather, stringy outfits, some handcuffs, some whips, some paddles and some pleasure knives handy! Looks like you're in for a bumpy ride!!! OYA OH! Hope you like being tied and beaten! Who knows?! Candle wax might even come into it! *wicked grin* I'm so eeeeVILLL! ROFLMAO!

But really though, I know how you feel. I had a virgin guy that I dated give me the cold frozen shoulder because he couldn't keep his hands off me when he invited me over to his house. I agree with the earlier post. Your guy's a h---------- They turn you on, they invite you over then start mescaforming when you respond to their advances like a NORMAL human being would. Totally sick yo.