olanajim:

When we look at men who marries second wife, we would notice the second wife or third, whatsoever, is there to fill a vacuum that the old wlfe either created or could not fill. Another reason would be that, the man do it for humanitarian reasons(to help singles get a home). All these talks about lust is just being evasive of the reality. Most of the oppositions naturally come from women folk. .

This one you posted up here, shocked me out of my wits! In what way is a man being humanitarian by becoming a polygamist? Is he Mother Theresa or Pope John Paul? If he wants to be humanitarian, let him visit an orphanage and adopt the motherless kids in there. Or he could put that single woman in a girl's hostel if all she needs is accomodation. Helping singles get a home, is the most ridiculous excuse I have ever heard. I guess the fact that such a single woman is a young, sexy and attractive thing, with looks that stir up his libido, has nothing to do with it. If the second woman was a blind, old, deaf wrinkled bat, would he still be motivated by the same altruistic reasons? 

olanajim:

Women make polygamy a reality by consciously entering into relationship with married men. It is not as if single men don't relate with married women. Men had conditioned themselves to reject polyandry. What stop women from doing same? Culture? Force? Women had been forced into marriages. In most cases, they consented to marry a married man.

True!! In the South, it is often scheming, greedy, manipulative women that agree to marry a man that already has a wife and kids, still under his roof. Such women do not marry poor men that are still struggling to make ends meet, living in a face-me-I-face-you apartment. They see a succesful man, whose wife probably made sacrifices for him to get to where he is, and next thing they want to cash in on the gravy train! Why?? In the North, one could use the excuse of religion, ignorance and cultural factors to explain why young girls barely in their teens are married off without their consent to married men old enough to be their fathers. But down in the south, it is another ball-game. And unfortunately, men haven't learnt the art of saying NO, loud and clear!. Like my Yoruba boss says: "It is not every type of meat that one is offered, that one should swallow."

olanajim:

Saying there is no peace in polygamy is inaccurate. Though, I am not polygamous, I actually came from a very peaceful polygamous home. I had never withnessed any scufle or open disagreement among the rivals. Yet ours is not a perfect one. I know a couple of peaceful polygamous families. Yet, I have lived in one of the most turbulent monogamous home I ever seen, Providence made me lived with them for 4 years. The home stabilized only after the man get a second wife!

We must realize that the whole things depends on the couple. Many women owe their happiness to polygamy.

In what way do women owe their happiness to polygamy, please?? Is it to the rivalry that often takes centre-stage in most polygamous households, or what? Is it the constant vying for attention? I don't get it o!

Turbulent monogamous homes, can be resolved if both parties learn to work out their differences amicably. But once a third party who wants to reap where she did not sow comes in, ah. . . .na another tory be that!

for once laudate makes a great deal of sense

soulpatrol:

good luck managing your harem. may they not plot to kill u before the age of 50!

or leave dried up like a lone bundle of ugu that returned from the market after a long market day.

Laudate,

you seem to be passionate about your defence of monogamy. Sentiment apart, our knowledge and experience sometimes determine our views on issues. Personally, I have the habit of looking at every available options before making my decision. All your observations has meriit. But they are not universally acceptable. The case studies I brought up were real. My own experience inclusive. It is therefore an error for you to think otherwise simply because you haven't witnessed similar event. The overall purpose of sharing is to compare and contrast with view to adopt what best suit your aspiration. I have lived in the north and south, just as I have lived the two homes: polygamy and monogamy. I have seen, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beauty of the two. My personal preference for monogamy is never the same as you all have been advancing. It just surprised me that so far, most of contributions were based on sentiment and not the reality. I would therefore, as a rule, not personalize my contribution.

Yes, some men marries for humanitarian reasons. But the practice is fading now for many reasons. One of My mentors, who is polygamous once gave me a lecture on marriage. During our discursion, he confided in me why he married the last wife. The man is popular, so people just wonder why he would had a beautiful wife at home and marry an ugly, tribal-marked and poverty striken woman from the village! And that was the last wife. She wasn't even educated! He said, he married her "to give her hope, and give her home. To help her become somebody in life"
That ugly woman who would have remained unmarried is now a grandmother, with a beautiful home and children. There was crisis in the begining, but it is no more.

Muslims, especially those who know the laws do this. It is not just northerners. The south also do it. Like I said, it is fading. Don't call polygamous husbands ignorant. My mentor is educated and hold top position at his work before he retired.

olanajim:

Yes, some men marries for humanitarian reasons. But the practice is fading now for many reasons. One of My mentors, who is polygamous once gave me a lecture on marriage. During our discursion, he confided in me why he married the last wife. The man is popular, so people just wonder why he would had a beautiful wife at home and marry an ugly, tribal-marked and poverty striken woman from the village! And that was the last wife. She wasn't even educated! He said, he married her "to give her hope, and give her home. To help her become somebody in life"
That ugly woman who would have remained unmarried is now a grandmother, with a beautiful home and children. There was crisis in the begining, but it is no more.

This is the biggest load of crap I ever heard.
Tell your so called mentor he's a big fat liar.
Tell him babyosisi sent you.


Why didn't he just provide the woman with an apartment and maintanance money and helped her start a business perhaps since he saw her as an object of charity.
Did she have to become his bedmate in order to be "helped".
I am yet to hear of a woman who fell down and died because she was too ugly to attract a man.
Has marriage become a do or die?

lmao osisi

I agree with you however, what do you think people would say about a woman who receives monetary "help" from a random man?

ThiefOfHearts:

lmao osisi

I agree with you however, what do you think people would say about a woman who receives monetary "help" from a random man?

my dear the things I hear in this nairaland shock me sometimes.
Since the man declared himself a charity organisation rescuing women,he should set up his very own social security, giving out welfare checks to women disadvantaged in the beauty deparment.

And this poster calls him a mentor who has taught him things on marriage?
what type of nonsense is this?

olanajim:

Laudate,

you seem to be passionate about your defence of monogamy. Sentiment apart, our knowledge and experience sometimes determine our views on issues. Personally, I have the habit of looking at every available options before making my decision. All your observations has meriit. But they are not universally acceptable. The case studies I brought up were real. My own experience inclusive. It is therefore an error for you to think otherwise simply because you haven't witnessed similar event. The overall purpose of sharing is to compare and contrast with view to adopt what best suit your aspiration. I have lived in the north and south, just as I have lived the two homes: polygamy and monogamy. I have seen, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beauty of the two. My personal preference for monogamy is never the same as you all have been advancing. It just surprised me that so far, most of contributions were based on sentiment and not the reality. I would therefore, as a rule, not personalize my contribution.

Olanajim, I never said your case studies were not real. I only questioned the premise from which you drew your conclusions. Like you, I have lived in the North and the South. And like you, I have also lived within a monogamous household (i.e. my parents), as well as a polygamous one (i.e. one of my grand-parents). So I do believe I have some facts at my fingertips.

No matter how much a man may try to deny it, he cannot love two wives equally, not to talk of three. And the Muslim men who rely on the Q'uaran to practise polygamy, will often tell you that their own scriptures say a man is entitled to 4 wives, but he must love them equally and do justice to them, equally. Tell me, in all honesty, how many men can do that? Even among parents, many of them do not love all their children equally, not to now talk of those who are not even related, but are merely husband & wife.

Polygamy and happiness in most cases, do not go together except if the man keeps each wife, in a seperate apartment. Most women who manage to keep the peace in a polygamous home, merely do so because their livelihood is dependent on the man, and they do not have the means to stand on their own two feet. So, they try and suppress their feelings of angst, and pretend as much as they can that things are alright. But are they really alright, in the strict sense of the word? 

In a monogamous home, if the man or woman gets fed up, and there is no way to mend fences between them, they may undergo a divorce, and then go ahead to set up a home with different partners. Sometimes, each party finds happiness in this new arrangement with a new partner. At other times, the new arrangements may not work, and they may still end up coming back together again, after spending some time apart. Things may end up working out for them, a 2nd time around, because they have now had time to reflect and realise their mistakes.

olanajim:

Yes, some men marries for humanitarian reasons. But the practice is fading now for many reasons. One of My mentors, who is polygamous once gave me a lecture on marriage. During our discursion, he confided in me why he married the last wife. The man is popular, so people just wonder why he would had a beautiful wife at home and marry an ugly, tribal-marked and poverty striken woman from the village! And that was the last wife. She wasn't even educated! He said, he married her "to give her hope, and give her home. To help her become somebody in life"
That ugly woman who would have remained unmarried is now a grandmother, with a beautiful home and children. There was crisis in the begining, but it is no more.

Muslims, especially those who know the laws do this. It is not just northerners. The south also do it. Like I said, it is fading. Don't call polygamous husbands ignorant. My mentor is educated and hold top position at his work before he retired.

And I keep telling you, there is nothing humanitarian in any man who is considering marriage with a lady, that he wants to be his 2nd wife. There must have been something about the "uneducated, ugly, tribal-marked and poverty striken woman from the village," that attracted that man enough to put his common sense aside, and put her in his bed. Am sure there were so many other uneducated, poor women in that village. Why did he decide to help only that one? If he was motivated strictly by humanitarian reasons, he would have married more women to given them hope, a home and help them become somebody in life, not so?

Ask your mentor again. I believe he is being economical with the truth. In Islam, when a man marries a widow or takes a 2nd wife, they do so because they can use religion to cover up their excesses, and because they want a new variety. Sometimes, they also do it because their first wife cannot give them kids, or because they have had girls and are searching for a boy. Hardly, would they cite humanitarian reasons as an excuse to indulge in a clandestine affair, and make it legit by taking on the other woman as a 2nd wife. Are they a refugee centre?

My take on this issue is simple. Any man who cites humanitarian reasons as an excuse for having a 2nd wife, is merely fooling himself, not the rest of the world. God gave everyone common sense. If he is feeling so charitable, he could pay her zakat, rent an apartment for the woman like I said earlier, or ask her to work as a live-in nanny, taking care of kids in his home. That way, she would have food and board, at least.

Finally please do not tell me ". . . .it is therefore an error for you to think otherwise simply because you haven't witnessed similar event." I have. Several times, in fact. We can all view the exact same event at different times, and interprete it in many different ways. God in His infinite wisdom, created us all as different individuals, not puppets. If He wanted us to engage in Group Think, he would have made clones, instead of human beings. So kindly free your mind.

One last word: Ignorance has very little to do with a person's level of education, or the chain of degrees he has in his kitty. Ignorance has more to do with the condition of one's mind, and the ability to sift grains of truth, from the chaff.

so for once, laudate and osisi agree.

Lovely

Personally - I wouldn't mind if my husband had a second wife who lived with us.

My reason is that some years ago I had become EXTREMELY ill and my condition lasted almost 2 years. I could not work, rarely could I cook and take care of my home, and I was in a lot of pain constantly and could not perform my wifely duties. My poor children had to do sooo much to wait on me, and they were quite young. My dear husband was working very hard to pay all the bills and the added expense of medical bills. I was still young and very attractive, but we could not even sleep in the same bed because of all of my medical needs.

A second wife could have helped with the house, the children, and serviced my husband.

Laudate,
you would have noticed something about me. I hardly generalize on contentious issues especially when I know that it is based on circumstance. My exposure to Islam and christainity make me more liberal and highly tolerant and my relationships with either side of the devide give me more understanding of their doctrine. You can hardly know where I stand unless I tell you.

While it may be right that polygamy sometimes doesn't work. It is equally a fact that monogamy is in itself not free of the sawe problem associated with polygamy. I am not here to propagate polygamy even though I am not into it. I just want to let you know it may in fact be better than monogamy in some instances.

Your judgement of Islam position on polygamy is faulty, and technically defective. I went all the way to read the true position of Islam on this subject, and I was surprised to see how much misinformation is being dissipated even among muslims folks.

My mentor case remain as I put it. Your conclusion is wrong. I had asked more than you even demanded and saw with my own eyes.

Take a tour of countries with predominant muslim population that practice polygamy and countries USA where monogamy is a state law. Take note of the followings:

muslims laws allow for divorce; yet divorce rate is not as prevalence as in the west that tighten law on divorce and legalise monogamy.
Also family value in those countries remains higher than than the west. While I am not a pessimist like you, I conceed that the system had loophole which none of the contributors so far had mentioned. What you have been talking about are things that are equally prevalence in monogamy.

We must never allow our personal preference block our view of the reality.

Laudate,
you would have noticed something about me. I hardly generalize on contentious issues especially when I know that it is based on circumstance. My exposure to Islam and christainity make me more liberal and highly tolerant and my relationships with either side of the devide give me more understanding of their doctrine. You can hardly know where I stand unless I tell you.

While it may be right that polygamy sometimes doesn't work. It is equally a fact that monogamy is in itself not free of the sawe problem associated with polygamy. I am not here to propagate polygamy even though I am not into it. I just want to let you know it may in fact be better than monogamy in some instances.

Your judgement of Islam position on polygamy is faulty, and technically defective. I went all the way to read the true position of Islam on this subject, and I was surprised to see how much misinformation is being dissipated even among muslims folks.

My mentor case remain as I put it. Your conclusion is wrong. I had asked more than you even demanded and saw with my own eyes.

Take a tour of countries with predominant muslim population that practice polygamy and countries USA where monogamy is a state law. Take note of the followings:

muslims laws allow for divorce; yet divorce rate is not as prevalence as in the west that tighten law on divorce and legalise monogamy.
Also family value in those countries remains higher than than the west. While I am not a pessimist like you, I conceed that the system had loophole which none of the contributors so far had mentioned. What you have been talking about are things that are equally prevalence in monogamy.

We must never allow our personal preference block our view of the reality.

Tanna:

Personally - I wouldn't mind if my husband had a second wife who lived with us.

My reason is that some years ago I had become EXTREMELY ill and my condition lasted almost 2 years. I could not work, rarely could I cook and take care of my home, and I was in a lot of pain constantly and could not perform my wifely duties. My poor children had to do sooo much to wait on me, and they were quite young. My dear husband was working very hard to pay all the bills and the added expense of medical bills. I was still young and very attractive, but we could not even sleep in the same bed because of all of my medical needs.

A second wife could have helped with the house, the children, and serviced my husband.

what an understanding human being.
many men would be rushing you if you were still available.
lucky man! _{my foot}

Tanna:

Personally - I wouldn't mind if my husband had a second wife who lived with us.

My reason is that some years ago I had become EXTREMELY ill and my condition lasted almost 2 years. I could not work, rarely could I cook and take care of my home, and I was in a lot of pain constantly and could not perform my wifely duties. My poor children had to do sooo much to wait on me, and they were quite young. My dear husband was working very hard to pay all the bills and the added expense of medical bills. I was still young and very attractive, but we could not even sleep in the same bed because of all of my medical needs.

A second wife could have helped with the house, the children, and serviced my husband.

tell me this post is a trick of the light! 
and if it was your husband who was deathly ill, a second husband could have paid the bills, helped with the kids and serviced you too abi? quit tripping woman!   

she really is tripping o! so someone would gladly let her husband fool around on her on the excuse that she's sick? isn't that where the solemn vows "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" come in? hisssss! its peeps like this that give men the excuse to do rubbish. cant he hold himself for those 2 yrs? is he going to die? if it was the other way round, which woman would even think of looking outside?

abeg, marriage is not for everyone afterall. some people lose their heads and self-respect in the process.
wifely duties my ass!

soulpatrol:

she really is tripping o! so someone would gladly let her husband fool around on her on the excuse that she's sick? isn't that where the solemn vows "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" come in? hisssss! its peeps like this that give men the excuse to do rubbish. can't he hold himself for those 2 years? is he going to die? if it was the other way round, which woman would even think of looking outside?

abeg, marriage is not for everyone afterall. some people lose their heads and self-respect in the process.
wifely duties my ass!

I'll rather you used another phrase here,lol.

@babyosisi. LOL

yes o, pun intended. sorry jare, that person's post just got me acting crazy. which woman likes to share? that one no be love again, na pimping out be that!

i read that post again.
and the more i read it, the more ridiculous it seems. i guess men and women react differently. a man may be at death's door but he wants his wife to be faithful till the very end and even after. even in extreme situations they expect 100% faithfulness. afterall nelson mandela was imprisoned for 27 years, came out and was shell shocked that winnie was having an affair. . maybe if she had married a second husband while he was put away heaven would have fallen.

If Tanna is to be believed, she had 2 years on a sickbed to come up with that point of view.

People have a lot of time to think when lying on a sick bed.

Insulting her isnt the way forward. Find out from her whether, now that she is well, she still feels the same way.

Remember in the past, when polygamy was the norm, wives had a hand in choosing their husbands future wives because such wives would become subservient to them, even to the point of becoming housegirls.

Today of course, the second+ wives become the trophies while the 'old cargo' wives are discarded.

isn't monogamy + divorce just a variant of this theme? except that you not only ignore the older wife, you kick her out of your home.

Ah well. I have never seen a happy polygamous home. But I *have* seen at least one happy monogamous one! In any case I cant imagine marrying more than one wife. But I wont be so quick to condemn those who feel they can.

@dakmanzero. i dont mean to judge anyone, i just simply dont agree with some people's view and sometimes we need help from others in pushing us towards the right direction. i understand that there are many sacrifices women make just to keep their men, and one wouldn't totally understand until one has been married. i'm not married, and at the same time i have my principles that i can't give up for anyone, not even a man. i just dont understand why anyone would want their man to be with someone else on the excuse that she's sick? um, isn't that the point where the role of the man as a "husband" should come into play? life is not all about getting it on, men should be able to make sacrifices too, even if it means holding themselves once in a while women are always at the short end of the stick and we tend to lose ourselves just to give in to a man's selfish needs. there are too many unhappy women out there who aren't able to complain, they just hold in all the frustration, and one day they just go crazy.

polygamy is another thing. it runs in my extended family and i tell u its not the prettiest thing ever! most of the men in my family who married several wives didn't even live to see their grandkids! find that strange? what do u expect when u cram a house full of different women and expect a happy household? there's always bound to be beef because everyone wants to be treated specially. men should pls stop this polygamy rubbish. one woman is enough wahala. if you want to go to an early grave, then go ahead.

dakmanzero:


Insulting her isnt the way forward. Find out from her whether, now that she is well, she still feels the same way.

no one insulted her. and i believe she typed that post now that she is well! not unless she is still typing from her sick bed. (no pun intended ejo)

whatever arguements one brings to the table should be able to work both ways. and by that i mean for males and females. when a woman is really sick, its seen as an opportunity for another woman to be brought to see to the husbands needs. his needs?! you guys have got to be kidding right?
when a man is bedridden his wife takes position by his bedside and virtually wears a chastity belt till he gets well. make person hear word abeg.

Practically, everyone here is deriding polygamy and ridiculing opposing views simply because "they have never seen where it works" and they are strangely unwilling to go there to verify the facts. The observation of few disgruntle soul isn't enough to generalize and ridicule those on the other side.

Most of those from defective polygamous home who have the laudest voice are now using the forum to express their pains and unleash their frustrations, past and present, on the few who dare to go against them. Someone even said she had never seen a single happy polygamous family! I take it to mean the fellow is either being economical with the truth or she is trying to vent the disappointment of her unsettled home upon those courageous chaps who know when to say the truth.

I am disappointed that none of them had gone ahead to verify my earlier observation when you all have the tool to do so at your finger tip! The task is simple and straight forward: IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ONE SEARCH IT.

Find out the following:


WHY IS DIVORCE RATE PREVALENCE IN THE WEST AND FAMILY VALUES BROKEN DOWN IN THOSE COUNTRIES IN SPITE OF THEIR LEGALIZED MONOGAMOUS SOCIETY AND STRICT LAW AGAINST IT?

WHY IS THE REVERSE THE CASE IN COUNTRIES WHERE POLYGAMY IS "AN OPTION" AND LAWS ALLOW FOR DIVORCE YET, FAMILY VALUES REMAINS HIGHIER THAN THOSE CHAMPIONING MONOGAMY?

WHY IS IT THAT ON NAIRALAND, MOST OF THE CASES OF BROKEN HEARTS, CHEATINGS, AND FAMILY PROBLEMS ARE FROM THE APOSTLES OF MONOGAMY SINGLE/MARRIED?

WHY IS HIV/AIDS,BROKEN HOMES MORE PREVALENCE IN MONOGAMOUS COUNTRIES THAN POLYGAMOUS COUNTRIES?

Please, if you are so passionate about your defence of monogood and polybad, then do what the bible said: whatever that is of good judgement, "meditate upon" them,

I still posit that the reason some people avoid polygamy had not been mentioned so far by any of the "polybad, monogood" proponents. And that reason may have nothing to do with polygamy. So far, it is all sentiment and frustration.

Interesting! You like throwing challenge. Hmmm? Let me try. I dey come

olanajim:




WHY IS DIVORCE RATE PREVALENCE IN THE WEST AND FAMILY VALUES BROKEN DOWN IN THOSE COUNTRIES IN SPITE OF THEIR LEGALIZED MONOGAMOUS SOCIETY AND STRICT LAW AGAINST IT?

WHY IS THE REVERSE THE CASE IN COUNTRIES WHERE POLYGAMY IS "AN OPTION" AND LAWS ALLOW FOR DIVORCE YET, FAMILY VALUES REMAINS HIGHIER THAN THOSE CHAMPIONING MONOGAMY?

because in these western countries women have a choice to stay in a marriage or to leave. in the so called countries where your polygamous is an option women really do not have a choice. come hell or highwater she is expected to remain in that marriage no matter how hellish or even at a risk to her life!

WHY IS IT THAT ON NAIRALAND, MOST OF THE CASES OF BROKEN HEARTS, CHEATINGS, AND FAMILY PROBLEMS ARE FROM THE APOSTLES OF MONOGAMY SINGLE/MARRIED?

and bros how did you come about this conclusion. your personal poll?

I still posit that the reason some people avoid polygamy had not been mentioned so far by any of the "polybad, monogood" proponents. And that reason may have nothing to do with polygamy. So far, it is all sentiment and frustration

.

one thing i know is that experience truly is the best teacher! if they are frustrated its because they have lived it!

I am enjoying this. What say you Ola? You fleed?

let the guy come back and continue talking rubbish. its still plain to see that the disadvantages far outweigh any of the advantages of polygamy. gosh, one woman is more than enough wahala to last u a lifetime!
@olanajim, do u come from a polygamous family? if you do, i would seriously like to know how peace was kept within the family, because that would be a rarity.

Yeah, I am back! What you called rubbish is a goldmine to some ladies whose joy and happiness depends on it. After all, Jesus was derided and rejected for daring to hold opinion contrary to general norm. The men who do right and know with deepest conviction that they are right will never succumb to threat of the multitude. Dreams outlives the dreamers.

Spoilt,
you disappointed me with your argument. Falacious, defective and biased. You read it all upside down.
The challenge I gave you is to go look for facts and not state your personal opinion. Where did you ever hear that polygamy is compulsory? And which countries in muslim land tighten divorce law? Just name one country.

Let me put it at you in child language: can we say, that it is indeed true that all Nigerians including you, are 419 just because some animals in Naija choose that job? Can we say that the whole of Nigerian is unsafe just because Niger Delta boil? I am giving you a simple lesson in Logic to prove that you committed falacy of overgeneration. That someone fail while operating in a system does not imply that the system is a failure. That Nigerian failed to succeed in true democracy does not mean democracy itself is a failure. We have examine both claim of success and failures in general and not in isolation.

As for those citation I made, I'd rather let you do your homework before I comment on it.

Soulpatra
I feel you. You must have had a rough edge or someone close to you had been badly bruised by "polybad". Sorry. Pele. It is not that I have not seen where 'polybad' had been a failure. Honestly, I am not like everyone. Sentiment is a reserved juice I had learnt to keep in deep freezer. I hardly drink it anyway.

I hope you see my logic sooner or later.

@olanajim,

olanajim:

Laudate,
you would have noticed something about me. I hardly generalize on contentious issues especially when I know that it is based on circumstance. My exposure to Islam and christainity make me more liberal and highly tolerant and my relationships with either side of the devide give me more understanding of their doctrine. You can hardly know where I stand unless I tell you.

While it may be right that polygamy sometimes doesn't work. It is equally a fact that monogamy is in itself not free of the sawe problem associated with polygamy. I am not here to propagate polygamy even though I am not into it. I just want to let you know it may in fact be better than monogamy in some instances.

A lot of us are also highly liberal and tolerant. Nobody ever said monogamy is free of problems. What I stated was that it is easier for monogamy to work, due to the lack of a third party (i.e. another wife). Having another woman in the picture, compounds the problem. Two's company, three is a crowd.

olanajim:

Your judgement of Islam position on polygamy is faulty, and technically defective. I went all the way to read the true position of Islam on this subject, and I was surprised to see how much misinformation is being dissipated even among muslims folks.

My mentor case remain as I put it. Your conclusion is wrong. I had asked more than you even demanded and saw with my own eyes. 

Please cite how my interpretation of the Qu'aran on multiple wives is wrong. I stated that the man must love them equally. Is that wrong?

wikipedia:
In Islam, polygyny (i.e. polygamy) is allowed, with the specific limitation that men can only have up to four wives at any one time. However, the Qur'an specifically states that men who choose this route must deal with their wives as fairly as possible, doing everything that they can to spend equal amounts of time, money on each one of them. Although many Muslim countries still retain traditional Islamic law which permits polygyny, certain elements within Islam challenge its acceptability.

Please what is so wrong about what I wrote on the view of multiple marriages in Islam? Please read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy. You can also read: ."  Surah 4:3.

Another point of view was expressed here: http://members.aol.com/MercStG/MarIslamPage1.html

Mercian Order:
In the Moslem World a man may marry more than one wife, indeed Muhammad had thirteen wives after the death of his beloved Khadijah. Moslem men are allowed four wives at any one time, but only on certain strict conditions. The first wife must always give her consent, and later wives must never be the cause of distress. All wives must be treated equally, and the husband must spend his night with each in turn, subject to the wish of the wife concerned. Making love equally is not required, but the equal sharing of time is essential.

please do me a favour and read the quotes cited above. I do not see how these excerpts contradict my view of marrying four wives under Islamic law.

olanajim:

My mentor case remain as I put it. Your conclusion is wrong. I had asked more than you even demanded and saw with my own eyes. 

Take a tour of countries with predominant muslim population that practice polygamy and countries USA where monogamy is a state law. Take note of the followings:

muslims laws allow for divorce; yet divorce rate is not as prevalence as in the west that tighten law on divorce and legalise monogamy.
Also family value in those countries remains higher than than the west. While I am not a pessimist like you, I conceed that the system had loophole which none of the contributors so far had mentioned. What you have been talking about are things that are equally prevalence in monogamy.

We must never allow our personal preference block our view of the reality.

Divorce rates may not be as highly prevalent in those Islamic countries because, in most cases it is NOT the woman that initiates divorce proceedings, it is the man, unlike in the West where either of them can initiate divorce proceedings.

Secondly, family values in most cases are based on the culture of the people. Some cultures respect individualism, (i.e. me, myself & I) like you see in many Western societies; others propagate and practice communalism (e.g. Middle Eastern and African societies). Their outlook in both societies affect their attitude to family ties, and consequently divorce. It isn't just a question of religion. Israel is not an Islamic society, yet divorce rates are low in Israel. 

Thirdly, divorce rates may be under-reported, even where it is prevalent. Women in Muslim-dominated societies do not have much freedom to express themselves, unlike their counter parts in the West. They have very little or no access to the media, to tell their stories, unlike their Western counterparts as well. So this may account for the low reportage of divorce rates. Who knows? 

Fourth, women empowerment and career choices also play a huge part, in the decision to go along with a divorce process. As women increasingly bring home the bacon, they feel less inclined to stay in an abusive or unproductive marriage.

Finally, everyone interpretes reality to some degree, based on their personal preferences. But in this case, most of my comments were influenced by the reality I saw around me. Very little of it was coloured by my personal preferences, as you are trying to imply.

Kindly read the following:
http://www.sfusd.k12.ca.us/schwww/sch618/Women/Weddings.html

Hi

I AM A MUSLIM AND I AM ALFA. I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING THE TWO ARGUMENTS FROM YOUR SIDE ON ONE HAND, AND OLANAJIM ON THE OTHER.

I THINK WHERE YOU GET IT WRONG IS EQUATING ISLAM WITH CHRISTAINITY. MUSLIMS DON'T RELY ON WIKKIPEDIA AND WHATEVER FOR INTERPRETATION OF SHARIAH. IT IS AN EFFORT IN FUTILITY. WHAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE FIGHTING OVER IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN WIN. MUSLIMS HAVE THREE AUTHORITIES WHEN IT COME TO INTERPRETING THEIR LAWS. THE QURAN, HADITH, AND THE IJMA' (CONSENSUS). QURAN IS THE SUPEREME AUTHORITY. ANYTHING THAT IS THERE IS THE LAW. IT IS INFALIBLE. THE HADITH IS NEXT. WHATEVER THAT IS NOT EXPLAINED IN QURAN ARE REFERENCED. IF THE TWO WERE NOT SPECIFIC, THE ULAMAH, THAT IS ALFAS WOULD DEBATE IT. THEIR VIEWS ALWAYS DIFFERS. THEY ARE THE REASON WHY MUSLIMS MAY DIFFER SLIGHTLY ON ISSUES. FOR INSTANCE, SOME ULAMAH BELIEVE SUICIDE BOMBING IS GLORIFYING, OTHERS CONDEMNS IT. ALSO SHIA, AND SUNIS DIFFER IN IDEOLOGY. SOME SHIA, BELIEVES ALIH, THE FORTH CALIPH, IS A PROPHET, BUT SUNIS THINK OTHERWISE.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW IS THAT, WHEN AN ISSUE HAD BEEN SPECIFICALLY STATED IN QURAN, IT IS UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED BY MUSLIMS REGARDLESS OF THEIR AFFLIATION. IJMAH IS NEVER COMPULSORY.

IN ISLAM, WE HAVE FOUR IMAMS WHOSE AUTHORITY IN JURIPRUDENCE ARE WIDELY RESPECTED. THEIR VIEWS FORM THE FOUNDATION OF FIQH, JURISPRUDENT. THEY DIDN'T AGREE IN CONTENTIOUS ISSUES. MARRIAGE IS ONE OF SUCH ISSUES. FOR INSTANCE, SOME MUSLIM COUNTRIES PRACTICE TEMPORARY MARRIAGE, OTHERS FORBID IT.

THE BOTTOMLINE IS THAT YOU CANNOT USE THE ARGUMENT YOU ADVANCE ABOVE INCLUDING THE REF TO OUTLINE THE POSITION OF ISLAM. AS A CHRISTAIN, YOU SHOULD REALIZE YOU ARE NOT AN AUTHORITY OF SHARIAH. YOU CAN ARGUE THAT LINE TILL ETHERNITY, BUT NO SANE MUSLIM WOULD GO WITH YOUR ARGUMENT FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT.

I READ OLANAJIM'S CONTRIBUTION, I NOTICED HE WAS TACTICALLY AVOIDING BEING EMPHATIC AS YOU DO. HE WAS SMART TO CHALLENGED YOU TO GO AND DRAW YOUR COMCLUSION. HE DIDN'T SAY POLYGAMY IS

HE DIDN'T SAY POLYGAMY IS PERFECT. HE WAS, I THINK, TRYING TO DRAW YOUR ATTENTION TO THE POSITIVE SIDE OF POLYGAMY WHILE NOTING THAT THE SYSTEM WAS NOT WITHOUT PROBLEM. I DON'T KNOW HIS RELIGION AFFILIATION, IT IS OBVIOUS HE IS FAMILIAR WITH ISLAM, HENCE HIS RELUCTANCE IN MAKING SPECIFIC CONCLUSION. HE WAS THREADING THE PATH OF EXTREME CAUTION. IT IS ALSO GLARING THAT HE IS FAMILIAR WITH CHRISTAINITY. I THINK, THAT IS HIS MYSTERY. A SELF ACCLAIMED MONOGAMIST CHAMPIONING POLYGAMY! HE CONDEMNED NEITHER. HE MUST HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR STANDING THAT LOGIC.
PERSONALLY, EVEN THOUGH, I AM ALFA, I ADMIRE HIS COURAGE TO STAND FIRM ON HIS ARGUMENTS WITHOUT CONDEMNING EITHER OF THE TWO. WE SHOULD RATHER ASK HIM TO CLARIFY HIMSELF AS HE MAY HAVE DIFFERENT OPINION.

ON MARRYING, FOUR WIVES: MUSLIMS DON'T INTERPRET QURAN THE WAY CHRISTAINS DO! THEY DON'T DO SELECTIVE READING ON SENSITIVE ISSUES.

PS: READ AL HALAL WAL HARAM FIL ISLAM BY DR YUSUF AL QORADAWI. THERE IS ENGLISH VERSION. CHECK CHAPTER THREE UNDER, MARRIAGE FOR REF.

DOING JUSTICE AMONG WIVES IS NOT THE WAY YOU INTERPRETED IT. I AM AFFRAID, YOU MISSED THE POINT!

", and you will not be able to do justice among (your) wives, however much you may wish to. But DO NOT TURN AWAY ALTOGETHER, (quran 4:139)

quran was specific here. That is why some muslims exercise caution when dealing with polygamy. According to AL QORADAWI, THE EQUAL TREATMENT MENTIONED IN QURAN 4:3, PERTAINS TO THE RIGHTS OF THE WIVES, NOT TO THE LOVE THE HUSBAND FEELS TOWARD THEM, FOR EQUALITY IN THE DIVISION OF LOVE IS BEYOND HUMAN CAPACITY, "

I THEREFORE, CONSIDER, YOUR ARGUMENT AS REGARD EQUALITY, WEAK.

ISLAM ALLOWS POLYGAMY FOR THE GOOD OF HUNANITY. I WOULD BE RELUCTANT IN GOING INTO THIS BECAUSE THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE FORUM FOR THAT.

REGARDING DIVORCE, WHO TOLD YOU WOMEN CANNOT INITIATE DIVORCE? WHY NOT GO THROUGH AL QORADAWI, UNDER DIVORCE SUBSECTION? HAVE READ THE QURAN ON THIS ISSUE? LET ME JUST PUT IT THIS WAY: YOU GOT IT WRONG!

em, we are not blind o. try to minimise your use of capital letters. it makes reading a challenge. thanks o!